GILLIGAN'S ISLAND Gilligan the Goddess By Jack Paritz And Bob Rodgers April 17, 1967 TEASER FADE IN EXT – LAGOON INLET – DAY An outrigger canoe is seen making it's way to the lagoon by way of the lagoon inlet. In the canoe can be seen several natives. CUT TO: CLOSE UP OF CANOE We see three natives in the canoe. One is riding high in the center while the other two are paddling. CUT TO: EXT – LAGOON PATH – DAY Mary Ann is seen running along the Lagoon's East pathway as she flees the approaching natives. CUT TO: EXT – LAGOON BEACH – DAY Gilligan is seen erecting an S O S sign made from a sheet and two bamboo poles. The sheet is able to roll up using a cord much like a blind. He bends over to pick up something and in the process, rolls up the SOS sign. While the sign is in the up position, Mary Ann runs on camera, between the bamboo polls and off camera. Gilligan stands up as he hears something, and catches a glimpse of Mary Ann running by and the sign rolls back down. CUT TO: PREVIOUS SHOT Ginger is seen running along the same path Mary Ann took only moments ago. CUT TO: EXT LAGOON BEACH - DAY Gilligan bends over again and the sign rolls back up, just as Ginger runs between the bamboo polls. He stands back up again and the sign rolls back down as he catches sight of Ginger running past. GILLIGAN What do they think this is a freeway!? CUT TO: EXT – LAGOON PATH – DAY The natives are seen running along the same path Mary Ann and Ginger took. CUT TO: PREVIOUS SHOT Gilligan is back at work on the sign. He hears a sound and sees the natives approaching. He panics and runs straight into the sign. The recoil of hitting the sign makes him fall backwards as the sign falls on top of him, his legs the only thing visible. CUT TO: EXT – LAGOON PATH - DAY The natives are still running after Mary Ann and Ginger. CUT TO: CLOSE UP – GILLIGAN UNDER SIGN The natives, one by one run over the top of Gilligan, stepping on him as they go. They are unaware that Gilligan is under the sign. After they pass, Gilligan manages to partially crawl out from under the sign with a look of defeat on his face as we… FADE OUT ACT ONE FADE IN EXT – MARY ANN AND GINGER'S HUT – DAY Mr. Howell is seen sitting in his lounge chair in front of Mary Ann and Ginger's hut sipping on a drink relaxing. First Mary Ann and then Ginger run past into the hut screaming as they go. MR HOWELL (GROGGY) Ah…can't…a man have a little peace around here, a little nap? CUT TO: CLOSE UP – MR HOWELL The natives have made there way to the clearing and come upon Mr. Howell. One of the natives addresses Mr. Howell in their native tongue. KING KILLIWANI Ula Ule U'wama. Mr. Howell takes notice of there presence and we see… PULL BACK TO WIDE SHOT Three natives are standing behind Mr. Howell. Mr. Howell immediately reaches over to the side of the lounge chair and crabs a golf club from his golfing gear which is setting next to his lounge. MR HOWELL Lay a hand on me and I'll, take this five iron and wrap it around head! KING KILLIWANI Hold! We come in peace. MR HOWELL Oh, a sort of primitive peace corps! Well let's introduce each other. My name is Thurston Howell the third, what exactly is yours? The king snaps his fingers and his two native body guards take up their positions. KING KILLIWANI I, am KING Killiwani! Emperor of eternal night! Light of eternal day! Seeker of eternal truth! And lord of eternal eternalties! The native to his right whispers something in the kings ear. KING KILLIWANI Oh yes, keeper of eternal flame. MR HOWELL Oh a gas tycoon! Well I always like to do business with chairman of the board. GUARD NO. 1 Amu wamu. MR HOWELL I'll come right to the point. Can you rescue us and take us back to civilization, and what exactly will it cost, ME. KING KILLIWANI Must find white goddess Winomi. MR HOWELL Yes well of course we'll discuss the scavenger hunt a little later. Now to rescue us would you say a fair price would be a…a…a thousand dollars? KING KILLIWANI No talk rescue! MR HOWELL I'll talk louder! Would you say, five thousand dollars? KING KILLIWANI Legend say that on eighth moon, white goddess Winomi will be found on island to west! MR HOWELL Wha…wha…why I know your changing the subject, driving a hard bargain. Well, I can be pushed so far! One hundred thousand dollars and that is my final offer! The native to the kings right is getting tired of Mr. Howell's banter. GUARD NO. 1 Halu yama e'kwana! KING KILLIWANI Halu hala da'wama. Soon time for new year feast! Must find goddess Winomi! MR HOWELL Well let's settle this white goddess business. Where exactly, pray tell do we FIND her!? KING KILLIWANI Already find two! Problem is, only need one! MR HOWELL Oh you mean Ginger or Mary Ann! Now if one of them is the white goddess, you'll rescue us? The king responds with an affirmative grunt. KING KILLIWANI Ehhhhh MR HOWELL Oh joy I just saved one hundred thousand dollars!! Mrs. Howell walks on camera unaware of the natives standing by. She's carrying a bouquet of flowers. MRS HOWELL Oh Thurston look at these marvelous blooms… The king sees her and immediately reacts. He and his guards immediately drop to the ground on their knees and bend over, their arms outreached as a sign of respect. KING KILLIWANI Ahhhh! Mrs. Howell sees the natives bowing to her and reacts indifferently. MRS HOWELL Who are these persons? And what are they doing down there? MR HOWELL Ah Lovey I'd like you to meet his majesty, King Killiwani. MRS HOWELL King? KING KILLIWANI Emperor of eternal night! Light of eternal day! Seeker of… MR HOWELL Eh…no need to go through all that again. He's really a king! MRS HOWELL Oh Thurston royalty! MR HOWELL Eh…wait till he stands up, he's really king size. MRS HOWELL Please your majesty do stand up! The king and his guards get up from the ground. KING KILLIWANI Oh, this is truly island of white goddess. MRS HOWELL Thurston did you hear that? What a charming thing for him to say. I wonder if he knows Grace and prince Rainier? Indeed an honor your majesty. Mrs. Howell kneels before the king. MRS HOWELL May I extend to you the hospitality of our little island. Gilligan unaware that the king and his men are friendly, has sprung a trap by dropping a net on them. The king start yelling expletives in his native tongue. Gilligan can be seen on the roof of the hut being very pleased with himself. CUT TO: GILLIGAN ON HUT ROOF GILLIGAN I got'em I got'em tie'em up tie'em up! CUT TO: PREVIOUS SHOT MR HOWELL Gilligan you dunts you did it again! These savages are civilized! Mr. And Mrs. Howell are trying to help the king and his men out from under the net. MRS HOWELL Forgive is your majesty, what a deplorable breach of protocol! Mr. Howell makes his way to the far side of the net and starts to lift it. MR HOWELL Here ah…the rear escape hatch. Gilligan is still on the roof as Mr. And Mrs. Howell continue to help the king and his men out from under the net as we… CUT TO: EXT – LAGOON – DAY The skipper and the professor are standing near the Lagoon inspecting the canoe the King and his men came in. PROFESSOR …outrigger's doing here!? If I'm not mistaken it's the handy work of the primitive Papuan tribe. Oh I had no idea we where so near their island. The skipper and professor are inspecting the canoe when the skipper reaches in and finds something metal. SKIPPER But professor ep…if they're so primitive, how did they get this? Surprisingly the skipper holds up a silver cigarette lighter. PROFESSOR It means they must have contact with civilization. FLIP TO: EXT – HUT CLEARING – DAY King Killiwani and his men are standing in the clearing. The king is obviously distressed over something. KING KILLIWANI MUST have eternal flame! The professor and the skipper emerge from the jungle and find the king. PROFESSOR Your highness! KING KILLIWANI Heh! PROFESSOR Is this your lighter? KING KILLIWANI Hah! You find eternal flame!! GUARD NO. 1 (TO KING) Some keeper of eternal flame. KING KILLIWANI (TO GUARD) You like to join eternal ancestor!? PROFESSOR That's a fine lighter you have there your highness. Would you mind telling where you got it? KING KILLIWANI Hmmmm, sometime ship come, captain give me eternal flame, plus one can eternal lighting fluid. PROFESSOR You mean ships land on your island? KING KILLIWANI Some time. Got no time for talk now. Must start FIRE dance! You care to dance? PROFESSOR Ah…no thank you, I'm a, waltz man myself. KING KILLIWANI Heh… The King addresses Gilligan. KING KILLIWANI YOU care to dance. GILLIGAN No I don't think so. Gilligan starts to walk away just as the king grabs his arm and pulls him back. KING KILLIWANI You DANCE! GILLIGAN Come to think of it I do need the practice! The king, his men and Gilligan all start chanting and dancing around the fire as we… FLIP TO: INT – MR AND MRS HOWELL'S HUT – DAY Mrs. Howell is sitting on her bed with Mr. Howell on his knees in front of her. He has his teddy bear and looks as though he's about to propose marriage. MRS HOWELL Oh of course I'll be their little white goddess. If it means a chance of getting off this silly island. MR HOWELL Oh Lovey we knew you'd cooperate! Mrs. Howell gets off the bed as Mr. Howell gets off his knees. MRS HOWELL Darling after all I've had so much experience. You remember at collage I was queen of the prune bowl parade!? MR HOWELL Pitted prune of course! Oh you'll make a lovely with goddess! MRS HOWELL Oh thank you dear. CUT TO: INT – MARY ANN AND GINGER'S HUT – DAY Mary Ann is seen standing by the window as Ginger enters the hut. GINGER Are you ready for this! Guess who thinks she's a goddess!? MARY ANN Would I be too far off if I guessed Mrs. Howell? Ginger has sat down at her make-up table and starts looking at herself in a mirror. GINGER When I think of some women's ego, just makes me sick. I mean after all who'd make a better goddess than me? Mary Ann, seeing her chance, walks over to Ginger. MARY ANN Well ah…know that you brought it up. I could think of just one other person. GINGER Who? MARY ANN Me. GINGER You!? Well your too short! MARY ANN Well goddesses don't have to be tall! Why they just have to be…(pause)…like goddesses! GINGER I'm surrounded by ego maniacs! CUT TO: EXT – HUT CLEARING - DAY Mr. Howell out of his hut with Mrs. Howell who is dressed in a flowing white dress. MR HOWELL I…I have good news! Behold your white goddess! MRS HOWELL This is the most thrilling moment of my life! King Killiwani is amazed at Mrs. Howell and is about to speak just the skipper walks on camera with Mary Ann, also in a flowing white dress. SKIPPER Your majesty! Here is your goddess! The King takes a look at Mary Ann and is impressed, but Mrs. Howell becomes indignant. MRS HOWELL Mine is the original! Just then the professor walks on camera. PROFESSOR Your Highness, guess what I found!? KING KILLIWANI Eh…Don't tell me. PROFESSOR The goddess, Winomi! Ginger comes walking out from the jungle all dressed in white like the others. All three "white goddesses stand looking at each other. GINGER Heh, looks like we all came off the same rack! King Killiwani stands with his guards and looks perplexed. KING KILLIWANI What we do now. GILLIGAN Why don't you try, eeny meeny miney moe? King Killiwani smacks Gilligan in the chest. KING KILLIWANI Good idea! The king starts pointing at the women as he recites the children's selection poem. KING KILLIWANI Eeny meeny miney moe Catch'em goddess by'em toe Soon to island back we go Eny meeny miny moe! The kings finger points to Mrs. Howell who seems elated at being selected. GUARD NO. 1 The Gods have spoken! GINGER Oh now I've seen everything! You a goddess!? MRS HOWELL Well I'm most capable of coping with the protocol involved! You see I was presented at the court of saint James. MR HOWELL Not to mention Prune Queen! MRS HOWELL Pitted Prune Queen! MARY ANN I think this whole contest is fixed! GINGER And I know by whom! What I want to know is by how MUCH! MARY ANN I've had enough! GINGER MORE than enough! Mary Ann and Ginger walk off camera in a huff. PROFESSOR Girls remember the big picture! We're going to be rescued! MR HOWELL Sore losers! KING KILLIWANI You make volcano God very happy! MRS HOWELL Volcano God! KING KILLIWANI At end of ceremony you marry volcano. GILLIGAN Hey skipper, I never knew volcanoes could get married! KING KILLIWANI Big honor for goddess Winomi. MRS HOWELL To be thrown into a volcano!? MR HOWELL No man is going to throw my wife into a volcano! KING KILLIWANI Wife? She your WIFE!? MR HOWELL Yes, I'm very honored! KING KILLIWANI Ehhh…too bad. Goddess Winomi must be maiden. Girl with mate can not be bride to volcano. Mrs. Howell is totally relieved. MRS HOWELL Oh Thurston thank you for being my mate! MR HOWELL Yes darling! KING KILLIWANI Must find ONE from other two! GILLIGAN You mean Ginger or Mary Ann? KING KILLIWANI I choose. SKIPPER Oh no, wait a minute King! Now look, we don't like your rules so the game is over! KING KILLIWANI Over!? SKIPPER That's right! We'd like to get you a white goddess but, you play too rough!! GILLIGAN I'm sorry this store is closed, try another market! SKIPPER Nice going little buddy! GILLIGAN Thank you. SKIPPER Your welcome. KING KILLIWANI Last word? SKIPPER Definitely. KING KILLIWANI We go! The King snaps his fingers and the guards accompany the King out of the clearing. MR HOWELL Perhaps if it was a shallow volcano. MRS HOWELL Oh Thurston! MR HOWELL But we were going to be rescued if you'd just…heh…heh…heh… SKIPPER Say those natives took it better than I thought they would! GILLIGAN I wonder where they went? SKIPPER I don't know. Just then the King and his men return with what appears to be blow guns, answering Gilligan's question as to where they went. KING KILLIWANI Must have white goddess by sundown!! SKIPPER They've got poisonous blow guns! GILLIGAN Now I know what they went for! KING KILLIWANI One of your woman must go! Or take by force! SKIPPER Poison or no poison, your going to get one of our girls over our dead bodies! MR HOWELL Oh he's so impetuous! With that said, the guards raise their blow guns and shoot a poison dart at the castaways. It shoots past them and gets stuck in a plane sitting near the hut. The plant's leaves immediately drop as if it just died. GILLIGAN Oh skipper, can we lay down now? FADE OUT ACT TWO FADE IN STOCK SHOT – EXTERIOR MR AND MRS HOWELL'S HUT CUT TO: INT – MR AND MRS HOWELL'S HUT – DAY The skipper, Gilligan, Mr. Howell and the professor are sitting around the table in the hut discussing their situation. SKIPPER Well I'm all for jumping 'em! There's only three of them and there's four of us. PROFESSOR Use your head skipper, just one poison dart and it would be three against three! GILLIGAN Yeah and another poison dart, three against two, and another poison dart three against one, and another poison dart three against… SKIPPER Gilligan! GILLIGAN …none. MR HOWELL There must be some way of doing this without anyone getting hurt. Especially a Howell! GILLIGAN The only way to do that is to give 'em a white goddess. SKIPPER Well they're not getting one of our girls! GILLIGAN Maybe they'd settle for a girl gorilla or something. SKIPPER Oh that's the most ridiculous thing I ever… PROFESSOR Now wait a minute wait a minute. Perhaps we can trick them. Perhaps one of us could dress as… MR HOWELL A gorilla!? PROFESSOR No no no, as a woman. SKIPPER Did I hear you right!? PROFESSOR Why not!? One of us could dress as a woman and volunteer to go with them. GILLIGAN Yeah and get thrown in a volcano! PROFESSOR Oh of course not! The rest of the men could follow in a raft and keep watch at a safe distance. SKIPPER Oh and keep checking on any visiting ships that might be at their island! MR HOWELL Now wait a minute. Look around the table, you think that anyone of us could pass as a white goddess? PROFESSOR You have a better idea? MR HOWELL Well of course! SKIPPER What is it? MR HOWELL Haven't thought of anything yet. FLIP TO: INT – GINGER AND MARY ANN'S HUT – DAY Ginger is standing by a privacy screen waiting for the skipper to come out. GINGER You need any help? SKIPPER Wa…wa…no thank you Ginger bu…eh…I'm afraid I…I just killed your living girdle. GINGER Come on out, let me have a look at you. The skipper comes from around the privacy screen wearing Gingers orange sarong style dress. GINGER Well turn around. The skipper fills out the dress a little too much and when he turns around, we can see a several inch gap running down the back of the dress revealing his under garments. He's also wearing a fake wig and is heavily made up with makeup. SKIPPER Well what do you think? GINGER Well ah…you've got nothing to worry about if they throw you the a volcano. SKIPPER (HAPPILY) I don't!? GINGER Eh…no it would through you right back! FLIP TO: INT – PROFESSOR'S HUT – DAY Mary Ann is helping the professor zip up a dress he has on. He's wearing a scarf and high heels. MARY ANN Take a deep breath. Now hold still or I'll catch you in the zipper. The professor takes a deep breath and Mary Ann finishes zipping up the professor's dress. MARY ANN There! The professor turns around and stands with his hands on his hips to get Mary Ann's opinion. PROFESSOR Mary Ann. I'd like your candid opinion. Do you think that I could pass as a woman? MARY ANN Well, it depends on two things. PROFESSOR Two things. MARY ANN Mmm…mmm, How dark the night and how bad their eyesight. FLIP TO: INT - AND MRS HOWELL'S HUT - DAY Mr. Howell is standing in the middle of the hut fixing his stockings. Mrs. Howell enters the hut without warning. MRS HOWELL Oh I'm sorry, I'm afraid I'm in the wrong… She finally realizes who's in the hut. MRS HOWELL Thurston have you gone out of your mind!? What are you doing in my wig and by best neg…negligee? MR HOWELL Well it's the only thing that fit you see and looked sheik at the same time. MRS HOWELL I don't understand. MR HOWELL Well one of us men have to become the white goddess. MRS HOWELL Awe darling you so gallant, your doing this to save the girls. MR HOWELL No I'm doing it to save my business. Get to that King's island, back to civilization. Eh…what do you girls do when your ear rings are pinching your ears? MRS HOWELL Oh we just think of how much our shoes are pinching our feet! The skipper and the professor enter the hut and Mrs. Howell seeing them, let's out a howl. MRS HOWELL I think I'm going to faint! MR HOWELL No no Lovey don't heh…heh leave us alone we have some serious girl talk. MRS HOWELL Girl…Oh dear well, don't say anything catty girls just because I'm leaving first. Mrs. Howell takes a second look and leaves the hut. The men are left staring at each other in horror. SKIPPER Ho…ho…ho…ho, Well I must say you two are a gruesome twosome! MRS HOWELL You don't make us a thrillsome threesome I might add. PROFESSOR You know I don't think this is going to work. MR HOWELL Maxine, I don't know about you and Lavern, but I'm getting out of this. SKIPPER Now wait a minute. Where's Gilligan? Gilligan. GILLIGAN! Gilligan hears his name called and enters the Howell's hut. GILLIGAN Somebody call…me… He catches the sight of three grown men in woman's dresses and begins to chuckle. GILLIGAN I'd hate to judge this beauty contest, because nobody'd win! PROFESSOR He might be able to pull it off. GILLIGAN Oh no! I'm not gonna dress up like a girl. SKIPPER Oh yes you are, and that's an order. GILLIGAN I'm not gonna dress up like a girl and you can't make me… FLIP TO: SAME SHOT – LATER – CLOSE UP GILLGAN GILLIGAN …you can't make me, you can't make me! PULL BACK: WIDE SHOT Gilligan is not dressed like a woman, complete with orange blouse, blue skirt, wig, high heels, ear rings and makeup. MR HOWELL We already did! SKIPPER Gilligan if I ever saw a white goddess you are IT! PROFESSOR Yes I think that this just might work. MR HOWELL You look positively ravishing! SKIPPER But what are we gonna call him? I mean who ever heard of a goddess named Gilligan? GILLIGAN Why don't you call her Gilliana? What am I says!? Gilligan realizes what he just said and could kick him self. MR HOWELL Gilliana that's such…such a musical feminine abs…turn around move for us Gilliana! Gilligan turn around and is inspected by the other men. He tries to walk and is almost crippled by the high heels he's wearing. CUT TO: CLOSE UP GILLIGAN'S FEET IN HIGH HEELS CUT TO: PREVIOUS SHOT GILLIGAN They're killing me! I don't see how women wear them! MR HOWELL They think about how much their ear rings are pinching their ears. Gilligan understands and gives his ear rings a tug. FLIP TO: EXT – HUT CLEARING – KING AND GUARDS – CLOSE UP GUARD NO. 1 Sun sink low in sky. KING KILLIWANI No more time. Must choose goddess now. Mr. Howell runs out the hut and drags Gilligan/Gilliana with him. MR HOWELL KING!! KING KILLIWANI Heh! MR HOWELL Have I got a goddess for you! Behold! Mr. Howell pulls Gilliana to his side so the king can see her. MR HOWELL We forgot all about little Gilliana, she was… Gilligan tries to walk but is hampered by the high heels and steps on Mr. Howells foot. MR HOWELL …OUCH those heels!…was on the other side of the island picking berries. Ah…your highness, Gilliana, this is king Killiwani. KING KILLIWANI Emperor of night. Light of… MR HOWELL Yes we know… GILLIGAN/GILLIANA (HIGH SQUEEKY VOICE) Charmed I'm sure. They tell me your looking for a white goddess. KING KILLIWANI Are you married woman? GILLIANA Mar…married? I'm not even engaged. MR HOWELL Your highness is this a goddess or is this a goddess!? KING KILLIWANI The gods have chosen. You must go to them. GILLIANA Well couldn't they come to my place? KING KILLIWANI Tonight, we have ceremony, make goddess official. FLIP TO: EXT – HUT CLEARING – NIGHT With Tiki torches lit, the ceremony begins. The King Dances around the fire chanting. The castaways are all present except Gilligan. The are beating on drums and chanting in response to the kings chant. KING KILLIWANI Ah hu ninee'pu ALL Ah hu ninee'pu KING KILLIWANI Ah hu haha'hu ALL Ah hu haha'hu The others keep chanting the same chant as we see Gilliana emerge from the hut with one of the native guards following behind. The guard has both arms out stretched to his side with a large number of sea shell necklaces on each arm. The guard and Gilliana approach the king for the ceremony. ALL (REPEAT THROUGHOUT CEREMONY) Ah hu haha'hu Ah hu haha'hu… The castaways continue to chant as the ceremony continues. The king starts to place a sea shell necklace on Gilliana with each incantation. KING KILLIWANI Goddess of night. Goddess of day. Goddess of work! Goddess of play. Goddess of moon, with pale white skin. Bride of volcano then throw her in! As the last of the sea shell necklaces are place around Gilliana's neck, he drops like a rock under the weight. FLIP TO: INT – MARY ANN AND GINGER'S HUT – EVENING Gilliana is brought in to the hut by one of the guards. GUARD NO. 1 Here. When tide come in, we leave. GILLIANA Don't hurry on my account! Gilliana looks around the hut and decides to take a break. He takes off all the sea shell necklaces and puts them on the table. He then removes the wig and is about to sit down when the skipper pulls back the window blind. SKIPPER Psssst! Gilligan Gilligan is startled. GILLIGAN Oh it's you skipper! SKIPPER Keep up the good work your doing great! GILLIGAN I have a feeling the worst is yet to come! The skipper looks to his left and see the king approaching. SKIPPER Your right, he's coming up the path now! Put your wig back on! GILLIGAN Skipper don't leave me! SKIPPER I'm not gonna leave ya, don't worry about a thing I'm just a whistle away! GILLIGAN Oh good. The skipper closes the blind and Gilligan goes back to being Gilliana. He gets his wig back on just as the there's a knock on the door. GILLIANA Who is it? KING KILLIWANI King Killiwani! GILLIGANA Ah…come in! The king enters the hut with a devious look in his eyes. KING KILLIWANI Soon you come to my island! GILLIGANA Yes I know. KING KILLIWANI You no look happy. GILLIANA I was thinking about my future husband the volcano. I don't think we're meant for each other. KING KILLIWANI Funny, me think same thing. GILLIGANA Your not gonna throw me in the volcano!? KING KILLIWANI You beautiful woman! Gilliana is backing away from the advancing King and almost trips. GILLIGANA Your not so bad yourself. KING KILLIWANI Have you very much on my mind! Want you for my self! Gilliana is sitting down and the king sits next to her. He starts getting fresh and Gilliana whistles for help. CUT TO: EXT – HUT – NIGHT The skipper is right outside the window listening. CUT TO : PREVIOUS SHOT GILLIANA How do you mean? KING KILLIWANI Throw dummy in volcano, keep you for me, make you my wife. CUT TO: EXT – HUT – NIGHT The skipper hears the king's plan and leaves to seek out the help of the other castaways. CUT TO: INT – MARY ANN AND GINGER'S HUT – EVENING Mary Ann, Ginger, Mr. And Mrs. Howell are seated around the table discussing their future. MARY ANN As soon as we follow Gilligan to the other island, we'll be back in civilization in no time! MR HOWELL Ah the sounds of civilization, the rustle of money as I make a deposit. MRS HOWELL The sound of marching, as I drill our servants. GINGER The (whistles) as I walk down the street. The skipper comes running on camera. SKIPPER Girls, Mr. And Mrs. Howell we've got to do something and do it quick! MR HOWELL Well what's wrong skipper! SKIPPER It's the king, he's getting fresh with Gilligan! MR HOWELL Oh that cad that bounder! SKIPPER If the king finds out that he's not a girl…I mean the wedding off the trip to the other island is off…th…the rescue is off! MARY ANN Oh we we've got to keep him away from Gilligan! SKIPPER Exactly! Mrs. Howell why don't you take that fruit over to him, keep him busy for a while! MRS HOWELL Oh that's a good idea captain. I always did hear that the way to a man's stomach is through the kitchen. Or is it a way to a man's Heart? Oh it doesn't matter. SKIPPER Never mind, please. Mrs. Howell with a bowl of fruit walks off camera leaving the others to decide how to help Gilligan. Ginger Mary Ann we can entertain him, I've got those darling dancing costumes from the U.S.O tour. MARY ANN Oh great let's get started! Mary Ann and Ginger get up and walk of camera leaving the skipper and Mr. Howell. SKIPPER How 'bout you Mr. Howell can you do anything? MR HOWELL Well yes yes I can do some magic tricks, I just happen to have my magicians outfit…always carry it with me. SKIPPER Well fine well why don't you go get it! MR HOWELL You don't go get a magician's outfit, you simply go SNAP of the fingers presto zingo zahpo! MR. Howell reaches behind the skipper and pulls out a black cape. MR HOWELL …And there you are! The cape ha…ha!! See what I mean!? CUT TO: INT – MARY ANN AND GINGER'S HUT – NIGHT Gilliana and the king are sitting side by side still talking as before. GILLIGANA Aren't you married? KING KILLIWANI Have thirty three wives. But they no understand me. Me lonely king. The king reaches for Gilliana's knee. KING KILLIWANI Pretty knee! Gilliana hits his hand with a fan. KING KILLIWANI Very pretty! Gilliana makes a fist as though to hit the king. GILLIANA I'll show you something prettier! The king mistakes it for an advance and tries to kiss Gilliana's hand. Just then Mrs. Howell enters the hut carrying a bowl of fruit. MRS HOWELL Snack time, anybody for passion fruit!? GILLIANA No…no…no not passion fruit! KING KILLIWANI Go, want to be alone! GILLIANA I think I'll have a banana. Gilliana takes a banana from Mrs. Howell's bowl. MRS HOWELL Oh shall I…ah peel it for you dear? KING KILLIWANI Out! Out! MRS HOWELL Well if you feel that way it. KING KILLIWANI OUT! MRS HOWELL Oh well ah…if you ah…change your mind let me know. KING KILLIWANI Out! MRS HOWELL Well I'm going! Mrs. Howell leaves the hut and the king goes back to giving Gilliana his undivided attention. KING KILLIWANI Killiwani have present for Winomi. The king brings out a very large circular ring. KING KILLIWANI Ring belong to mother. Now give to you. GILLIANA Your mother must have a very big fat finger. KING KILLIWANI Not for finger, for nose! GILLIANA I'm sorry but my nose isn't pierced. The king takes out a long large needle. KING KILLIWANI Oh, me fix that. GILLIANA Why don't we wait till we know each other better! Here here take a bite! Gilliana give the king a bite of the banana. The king takes a bite and then leans forward as if to have Gilliana eat from the other side. This is revolting to Gilligan who proceeds to whistle loud and long. Ginger and Mary Ann wearing their U.S.O. costumes enter the hut quickly and try to help Gilligan ward off the kings advances. GINGER Entertainment time! MARY ANN Welcome to the club Tropicana! MARY ANN & GINGER (SINGING & DANCING) Dada da da Da DA! Won't you come home Bill Bailey. Won't you come home. I've moaned the whole day long. I'll do the cookin' honey. I'll pay the rent. I know I done you wrong. KING KILLIWANI Enough! Want to be alone! GINGER Look who thinks he's Greta Garbo. KING KILLIWANI OUT! MARY ANN And now! GINGER For your pleasure! MARY ANN We present! GINGER The great! MARY ANN The magnificent! GINGER The super stupendous! MARY ANN The most phenomenal magician of this or any time! MARY ANN & GINGER Thurston Howell the third! Mr. Howell is seen making a stage entrance in tails and top hat as he enters the hut. Gilliana is very happy to see him and starts clapping. GILLIANA Yea! Yea! Yea! Yea! Yea! Yea! He knows a thousand tricks! And I want to see them all! KING KILLIWANI You only trick I interested in. MR HOWELL Mmmmy you're a fat one…now for my first trick…A simple deck of cards. Mr. Howell is about to do a trick with the deck of cards he's holding, but shoots the cards all over instead. MR HOWELL Now for my a…second trick! Mr. Howell takes out a red handkerchief. MR HOWELL An ordinary red a…handkerchief, you see…passing the magic hand…and it becomes a yellow handkerchief! Mr. Howell pulls on the red handkerchief. Pulling it inside out, it turns in to two white handkerchief with black poka-dots. KING KILLIWANI That not yellow! MR HOWELL Now for my final or block buster trick, a simple chapeau. Mr. Howell takes off his top hat and uses it for his next trick. He lets the king see that there isn't anything inside it. MR HOWELL Understand? Nothing in chapeau. Right? Empty? Everyone see? Empty? The king acknowledges that the hat is empty. MR HOWELL Now! Pull a rab…magic hand pull a rabbit out! The king reaches into the hat and pulls a baby duck out of the hat instead of a rabbit. KING KILLIWANI That rabbit? MR HOWELL You want to buy a duck? KING KILLIWANI OUT! Take friend with you, out! The king puts the duck back in the hat. MR HOWELL First time I ever laid an egg. Mr. Howell exits the hut leaving just the king and Gilliana alone again. The king yells for his guard. KING KILLIWANI Kiki kanda! Kiki kanda! Guard comes to the door of the hut. KING KILLIWANI Guard door, keep all out. The guard acknowledges his orders. The guard KNOWS why the king wants to be alone and gives him a wink. The king turns his attention back to Gilliana. KING KILLIWANI How 'bout little kiss baby!? The king starts chasing Gilliana around the hut with the intent of getting a kiss. Gilliana turns and runs away with the king right behind. GILLIANA No no no no no no no no! I'm not the kind of girl you think I am! Gilliana turns abruptly and stops the king. GILLIANA I know! Let's play hide and seek. And if you catch me I'll give you a great big kiss. KING KILLIWANI Kiss? That good game how you play? GILLIANA You close your eyes and count to ten. KING KILLIWANI Uh…one two three four… GILLIANA No no no no not so fast! We women can run around fast in heels! The king starts again, but Gilligan needs more time to get undressed and escape so he "resets" the king's count when he gets too close to ten. Each time the kings starts counting at the point where Gilligan yells a number. KING KILLIWANI (SLOW COUNT) One…two…three…four…five…six…seven…eight… GILLIGAN FOUR! KING KILLIWANI Five…six…seven…eight… GILLIGAN FOUR! KING KILLIWANI Five…six…seven…eight… GILLIGAN FOUR! KING KILLIWANI Five…six…seven…eight… Gilligan has managed to get out of his blouse, skirt and wig and has slipped out the door past the guard. All that is left is a pile of clothes and his wig on table. KING KILLIWANI Nine ten! Ready or not here I come! The king starts looking for Gilliana but can not find her. KING KILLIWANI Where are you!? Where ARE you!? I'm coming in! No time for games! He finally spots the wig on the bed and picks it up. KING KILLIWANI Yaaaaaah! The king drops the wig and heads out the hut's door. CUT TO: EXT – HUT – NIGHT The king runs out of the hut looking for his guards. One is still standing outside the hut while the other comes running on camera. KING KILLIWANI Buhula humba! Buhula humba! GUARD No. 1 Bahula humba what!? KING KILLIWANI Goddess vanish before very eyes! Nothing left but hair and dress! GUARD NO. 1 I warn you before, gods angry! No make pass at goddess! KING KILLIWANI Bad magic here! GUARD NO. 2 Leave this island! KING KILLIWANI We go now! The king and his guards run off camera. CUT TO: INT – MARY ANN AND GINGER'S HUT – NIGHT Mr. Howell has come looking for Gilligan. MR HOWELL Gilligan. Where's Gilligan? He sees the wig and dress on the bed, picks them up and races out of the hut. CUT TO: EXT – JUNGLE – EVENING Gilligan is running through the jungle and stops by a tree to rest. Mr. Howell runs on camera and finally finds near the tree. MR HOWELL Goddess! Yo…your out of uniform! GILLIGAN It's no use Mr. Howell. They would have found out sooner or later I wasn't a girl. MR HOWELL Well you can't quite now, we need them to get rescued! GILLIGAN I hate being a girl, besides he was touching my knee! MR HOWELL Small price to pay for civilization! Come on boy! Follow me! Mr. Howell drags Gilligan by the arm to the lagoon edge. CUT TO: EXT – LAGOON – EVENING The natives are in their canoe paddling frantically away from shore. MR HOWELL (O.S.) Wait! Wait! Come back! Come back! We see Mr. Howell and Gilligan approach the edge of the lagoon. CUT TO: EXT – LAGOON BEACH – NIGHT Mr. Howell and Gilligan are standing at the edge of the lagoon watching the natives' row their canoe at a fast pace. MR HOWELL Eh…take him with you! I…I mean take her with you! Quick goddess in…in to this in…in…in to your robe, here…here…here you are! Mr. Howell is trying to force Gilligan to put the goddesses wig and clothes back on. GILLIGAN Mr. Howell it's no use. MR HOWELL No you look gorgeous gorgeous gorgeous! GILLIGAN I don't think so look! CUT TO: EXT – LAGOON – EVENING The natives are paddling even fast now after seeing Gilligan in his underwear as we… FADE OUT EPILOG FADE IN INT – SKIPPER AND GILLIGAN'S HUT – DAY The skipper is sitting at the table writing in a book. Gilligan is tying the ropes of the upper hammock. SKIPPER I'm writing this adventure up in our log. Wonder how you spell king Killiwani? GILLIGAN K…I…N…G, king. SKIPPER (sarcastically) Thanks a lot Gilligan! Gilligan walks over and picks up the skipper's sea chest and starts to walk away with it. SKIPPER Where you going with that!? GILLIGAN I'm outing it outside with the rest of your stuff! SKIPPER What's going on here!? GILLIGAN Well I was a white goddess right!? SKIPPER Well yeah wa…I guess you could say that. GILLIGAN And a goddess is royalty right!? SKIPPER Well yes I guess so. GILLIGAN Well you don't expect us royalty to live with you commoners do you? The skipper is very angry now. SKIPPER Oh Gilligan you put that chest down right NOW! GILLIGAN Yes sir. Gilligan drops the chest right on the skippers foot making him yelp in pain. The skipper chases Gilligan around the hut and just as he's about to hit him, Gilligan takes off out of the hut as we… FADE OUT END CREDITS GILLIGAN'S ISLAND Gilligan the Goddess Rev. 04/17/67