GILLIGAN’S ISLAND

			"High Man on the Totem Pole"

				    By

			      Brad Radnitz


						Air Date: February 27, 1967

				TEASER

FADE IN: EXT - JUNGLE - DAY

	Gilligan and the skipper are walking through the thick 
	jungle trying to find their way back to their hut. 

				SKIPPER
			Maybe I'd better start finding our way back 
			huh?

				GILLIGAN
			Don't worry skipper, I know exactly where we 
			are.

				SKIPPER
			You do?  Where are we?

				GILLIGAN
			We're lost!

				SKIPPER
			Oh Gilligan!

			Well judging from the sky, I think if we head 
			directly east we'll eventually hit the beach.

	Gilligan is in agreement but doesn't move much.

				SKIPPER
			Yeah well go on.

	Gilligan leads the way through the jungle but has 
	problems with a large vine.  Through his struggles, the 
	skipper too is entangled in the vine. 

				SKIPPER
			Will you leave that vine alone Gilligan!

	The skipper gets things untangled and is getting 
	impatient.

				SKIPPER
			Move!

	Gilligan continues through the jungle and is faced with 
	a wall of foliage.  He parts the foliage and comes face 
	to face with an ugly carved face.  Gilligan immediately 
	lets out a yell, turns and runs into the skipper.

				SKIPPER
			What is wrong with you!

				GILLIGAN
			You...you lead the way!

	The skipper takes the lead and parts the foliage as 
	Gilligan did and sees the same ugly carved face.  The 
	skipper reacts at the sight but realizes what it must 
	be.  He parts the foliage farther to get a better look.

				SKIPPER
			Must be some kind of a native totem pole.

				GILLIGAN
			Did you ever see a meaner looking face?

	The camera pans upward along the totem pole and stops 
	at a carve head at the top.

				SKIPPER
			Look at that horrible one.

				GILLIGAN
			Yeah that's a horrible face and...that face is 
			mine!

	The carved head at the top looks exactly like Gilligan. 
	The carved head is all we see as we...



								FADE OUT:





				ACT ONE

FADE IN: EXT - JUNGLE - DAY - CREDITS OVERLAYED

	Gilligan, the skipper and the professor are in the 
	jungle near the totem pole.  They are clearing away the 
	foliage from around the totem pole.

				PROFESSOR
			Ah...It’s a totem pole all right!

	The professor examines the totem pole closely.

				PROFESSOR
			Carved by the Kupaki.

				GILLIGAN
			Kupa who?

				PROFESSOR
			Ki.

				SKIPPER
			Gilligan, can't you understand English?  
			Kupaki!

				GILLIGAN
			If that's English I went to the wrong school!

				SKIPPER
			Professor, what is a Kupaki?

				PROFESSOR
			Well they're a native tribe who inhabit the 
			islands in this area.

				SKIPPER
			Look at the head on the top of the totem 
			pole...looks exactly like Gilligan!

				PROFESSOR
			Yeah!  It's a little more ferocious perhaps, 
			but it is an amazing likeness.

				GILLIGAN
			And I didn't even pose for it!

				SKIPPER
			That's really a good carving!  Those Kupakis 
			must be handy with a knife!

				PROFESSOR
			Oh they're handy with a knife all right.  Why 
			they're the most ferocious tribe of 
			headhunters in the south pacific!

				GILLIGAN
			Do you mean that the people that carved that 
			head...they're headhunters?

				PROFESSOR
			That's right!

				GILLIGAN
			Do you think they're advertising for me?

				SKIPPER
			Looks exactly like Gilligan!

				PROFESSOR
			Oh that's just a coincidence that's all.
			Gilligan may be a dead ringer for one of 
			their kings.

				GILLIGAN
			Don't say the word dead...not while I'm alive.

				PROFESSOR
			Relax Gilligan!  Kupaki must have carved that 
			totem pole many years ago.

				SKIPPER
			Gilligan you'll really have it made if they 
			ever come back!  Cause you look enough like 
			one of those Kupaki to be one yourself!

DISSOLVE TO: INT - HUT - NIGHT

	Gilligan is in the top hammock looking at himself in a 
	small round hand mirror, while the skipper is in the 
	lower hammock.

				GILLIGAN
			Hey skipper?  How come nobody ever told me 
			before I looked like a Kupaki?

				SKIPPER
			Because anybody that knows what a Kupaki 
			looks like, isn't alive to talk about it!

				GILLIGAN
			I sure do look like one.

				SKIPPER
			The professor said that was just a 
			coincidence!

				GILLIGAN
			Yeah, I know what he said!  But if two people 
			have a face like mine, it's not a 
			coincidence!

				SKIPPER
			That's very true Gilligan.  It would be a 
			catastrophe!

				GILLIGAN
			I wonder if that old king was my great great 
			grandfather or something.

				SKIPPER
			That's the most ridiculous thing I ever 
			heard!

				GILLIGAN
			Yeah but if that old king on the pole, is my 
			ancestor. That means I have headhunter's 
			blood in me...

				SKIPPER
			Will you knock it off!

				GILLIGAN
			There is such a thing as...herdity!

				SKIPPER
			That's heredity!  You look like him because 
			of heredity!

				GILLIGAN
			You see!  Even you think it was my ancestor!

				SKIPPER
			Will you go to sleep!!

				GILLIGAN
			Ok!  But if you wake up in the morning and 
			you don't have your head, don't say I didn't 
			warn you!

DISSOLVE TO: EXT - HUT - DAY

	Everyone is siting around the communal table talking 
	about Gilligan's belief that he's a Kupaki.


				SKIPPER
			...So we've got a real problem!

				GINGER
			You mean Gilligan thinks he comes from a long 
			line of headhunters?

				MARY ANN
			Oh that's ridiculous! He's the sweetest, most 
			gentle boy I've ever known!

				SKIPPER
			Well that may be so Mary Ann, but this 
			morning he got up real early to go out and 
			stare at his ancestor some more!

				MRS HOWELL
			Oh pooh! If Gilligan was a headhunter, why 
			would he settle with the head he has!?

				SKIPPER
			Mrs. Howell believe me, he's really convinced 
			he's a Kupaki!

				MRS HOWELL
			Double pooh nonsense. 

				MR HOWELL
			Lovey, don't pooh pooh heredity or even give 
			it a double pooh.  After all didn't I inherit 
			my financial genius from dear old dad?

				MRS HOWELL
			That's true.  All the money Thurston has, he 
			inherited from his father.

				MARY ANN
			Gilligan's not a headhunter and we all know 
			it!

				SKIPPER
			Oh that's fine Mary Ann, but how are we going 
			to convince him of that!?

	Gilligan is seen walking into clearing.

				MARY ANN
			Shhhhh  Shhhhh Here he comes.

				GINGER
			High Gilligan!  Would you like some 
			breakfast?  How bout some scrambled eggs?

	Gilligan does not acknowledge Ginger or anyone at the 
	table.  He just walks past completely oblivious of his 
	surroundings.

				SKIPPER
			How would you like to go fishing this 
			afternoon little buddy?

	Gilligan still remains silent and continues to walk 
	along.

				MRS HOWELL
			Ah would you like to stay with Mr. Howell?  
			You can count thousand dollar bills!

				MR HOWELL
			And keep the ones that are upside down!

	Gilligan hears nothing and walks off camera.

				MARY ANN
			How are we gonna get Gilligan's attention 
			away from that totem pole?

FLIP TO: INT - HUT - DAY

	Mr. and Mrs. Howell are getting ready to go out for the day.  
	They are seated in the back of a car made from 
	bamboo.  Gilligan is seated in the driver's seat acting 
	as a chauffeur. 

				MR HOWELL
			I assure you Lovey there's nothing like a 
			relaxing drive in the country to make 
			Gilligan forget that he's a descendant of 
			headhunters.

			(SOTTO) Shhhh, quiet.

			A...any time your ready my boy.

				GILLIGAN
			Any particular place Mr. Howell?

				MR HOWELL
			No no just a drive the fresh air you 
			know...anything you say.


INSERT: CLOSE UP OF GILLIGAN"S FEET PEDDELING THE CAR

	Gilligan takes off with Mr. and Mrs. Howell in the 
	back. He drives down a path with Gilligan peddling his 
	heart out.  He finally comes to a stop for apparently 
	no reason.  He stops just beyond the totem pole.

				MRS HOWELL
			Well what's the matter Gilligan?

				GILLIGAN
			My legs are tired!

				MR HOWELL
			That's all right my boy conserve fuel.  After 
			all we can only get thirty miles to a leg!

			Thirty miles to a leg...I made a witty one!

				(SOTTO)
			That'll make the boy forget his troubles.

	Mrs. Howell fakes a laugh as Mr. Howell continues his 
	adlibbing.

				MRS HOWELL
				(SOTTO)
			Oh darling, we mustn't say anything that will 
			remind him of those dreadful headhunters.

				MR HOWELL
				(SOTTO)
			I pride myself on my tacit.

			A...Gilligan?  I have great plans for you after 
			we're rescued.

				GILLIGAN
			Really Mr. Howell!?

				MR HOWELL
			Yes...with my financial genius behind you, 
			you'll bound to get ahead!

				GILLIGAN
			A Head!

				MRS HOWELL
				(SOTTO)
			Be careful what you say!

				MR HOWELL
				(SOTTO)
			I made a fauxpas.
			
				MRS HOWELL
			Oh Gilligan, Mr. Howell didn't mean what he 
			said.  He was just talking off the top of his 
			head.

				GILLIGAN
			Head!

				MR HOWELL
			Lovey!

				MRS HOWELL
			I'm so sorry Gilligan.  I apologias from the 
			tip of my toes to the top of my...

				GILLIGAN
			Head!

				MR HOWELL
			Gilligan, perhaps you'd better drive.

	Gilligan start to drive once again but this time he 
	ends up peddling in reverse.

INSERT: CLOSE UP OF GILLIGAN"S FEET PEDDLING THE CAR, BUT 
THIS TIME IN REVERSE.

	Gilligan, now in reverse, back into the totem pole.

CUT TO: ANGLE ABOVE CAR, TOTEM POLE IN BACKGROUND

	Mr. and Mrs. Howell and Gilligan are seen with their heads 
	sticking out of the top of the car.  The carved head 
	which looks like Gilligan's can be seen directly behind 
	Mr. Howell. 

				MRS HOWELL
			Oh dear!  I do hope we're insured!

				MR HOWELL
			Gilligan you'll have to be more careful look 
			what you've done!

			Lovey are you all...

	Mr. Howell looks around and notices the totem poles 
	head.  He starts to do a double take as he looks back 
	and forth between the real Gilligan and the carved 
	head.

				MR HOWELL
			Wha...Gilligan!  He's over...a perfect set...they 
			match!

FLIP TO: EXT - TOTEM POLE CLEARING - DAY

	Gilligan is seen sitting and staring at the totem pole.  
	Ginger approaches him with the idea of taking his mind 
	off the carved head.

				GINGER
			Hi Gilligan.  Would you like to take a nice 
			long walk with me in the jungle?

				GILLIGAN
			No thanks.

				GINGER
			How about a cool refreshing swim?
			I'll wear by poke-a-dot bikini.

				GILLIGAN
			I wonder if they shrink a lot?

				GINGER
			If it did, there'd be only one dot left.

	Gilligan is obviously not paying attention.

				GILLILGAN
			What?

				GINGER
			You asked me if my bathing suit shrinks a 
			lot.

				GILLIGAN
			No no, I was wondering if those headhunters 
			shrink a lot of heads.

				GINGER
			Oh Gilligan!

			Look at me.  You know, they say the shortest 
			distance between two points is a straight 
			line.

			Do you know what I'm talking about?

				GILLIGAN
			No.  I never was very good at math.

	Again, Gilligan doesn't seem to catch on that Ginger is 
	trying to get his attention.

				GINGER
			Gilligan.

	Ginger is obviously getting frustrated with Gilligan's 
	inattention and is in a huff.

				GINGER
			Will you stop looking at that silly totem 
			pole and look at me for a minute!

				GILLIGAN
			Ok.

	Gilligan now takes a long hard look at Ginger from 
	bottom to top. Ginger, now having Gilligan's attentions 
	tries to look sexy and she believes she's succeeded. 

				GINGER
			Now...what does that totem pole got that I 
			haven't got?

	Gilligan does a quick compare of Ginger and the totem 
	pole.  He determines that what the totem pole has that 
	Ginger does not is...

				GILLIGAN
			Three heads.

	Ginger, realizing she can't get through to Gilligan 
	gives up.

				GINGER
			You win!

FLIP TO: EXT - HUT - DAY

	The skipper and Ginger are seated at the communal table 
	discussing Gilligan's obsession with the totem pole.  
	The skipper is painting stripes on what appears to be a 
	boomerang.

				GINGER
			I tried, I really tried!  But all he thinks 
			about are those heads!

				SKIPPER
			You just left him standing there.

				GINGER
			Well two's company, three's a crowd!

				SKIPPER
			Well I made this boomerang for him.  I hope I 
			can get him interested in this.

				GINGER
			I hope that boomerang has more boom in it 
			than I had!

FLIP TO: EXT - TOTEM POLE CLEARING - DAY

	Gilligan is still seen standing near the totem pole 
	just looking at it in a daze.  The skipper approaches 
	with the boomerang he made.

				SKIPPER
			Gilligan!  There ya are little buddy I've 
			been looking all over for ya.

				GILLIGAN
			Huh?

	Gilligan does not see the skipper and continues to 
	stare at the totem pole.

				SKIPPER
			Look what I made for ya, a boomerang!

				GILLIGAN
			Uh huh.

				SKIPPER
			We...well come on, ya know how you had all that 
			trouble losing things all the time?

				GILLIGAN
			Uh huh.

				SKIPPER
			Well...this you can't lose!  You throw it away 
			and it comes right back to ya!  It's a 
			boomerang! Get it!  You throw it away and it 
			comes back!

				GILLIGAN
			Skipper, I don't want a boomerang.

				SKIPPER
			Well Gilligan now, yeh...it's a lot of fun 
			really it is.  And of course it takes a lot 
			of practice to learn how to throw one.

				GILLIGAN
			Yeah but skipper I...I...I don't need a 
			boomerang.

				SKIPPER
			Well Gilligan, this isn't a toy ya know.  The 
			natives use 'em to hunt with.

	Gilligan now seems to perk up and take notice after 
	hearing about natives and hunting.

				GILLIGAN
			Do headhunters ever use them!?

				SKIPPER
			Well I suppose they could use 'em, but...oh 
			Gilligan we're not talking that seriously and 
			besides it's just a t...

	Gilligan, now hearing that headhunters could use a 
	boomerang gets excited and takes the boomerang from the 
	skipper.

				GILLIGAN
			Ah...skipper I never threw a boomerang before 
			can I try can I try?!

				SKIPPER
			Yeah, try!  But be sure and watch where it 
			goes now cause we gotta see where it lands, 
			we can't lose it ya know!

	Gilligan takes the boomerang and gives it a health 
	toss.  The boomerang makes a whirring noise and it 
	fly's around the clearing.  The boomerang makes it's 
	way back the where it was thrown and heads for the 
	skipper.  The skipper, being between the totem pole and 
	the boomerang gets caught as the boomerang lodges 
	itself in the totem pole and around the skipper's neck.  
	The skipper appears to be truly frightened.

				SKIPPER
			Gilligan, you almost cut my head off!

				GILLIGAN
			I am a headhunter!  I knew it!  I am a 
			headhunter!

FLIP TO: EXT - HUT - DAY

				MARY ANN
			Skipper! Skipper! Professor! Oh! Skipper!

				SKIPPER
			Mary Ann what is it!

				MARY ANN
			Oh something terrible is gonna to happen!

				SKIPPER
			Something terrible is gonna to happen?

				MARY ANN
			Oh Gilligan just ran past me and he had a 
			wild look in his eye!

				PROFESSOR
			A wild look in his eye!?

				MARY ANN
			And an axe in his hand!

				SKIPPER
			An AXE!!

				MARY ANN
			Uh-huh.

				PROFESSOR
			We'd better go find him!

				MARY ANN
			Oh I think he went that way!

	Mary Ann points in one direction.  She then seems 
	confused and points in another direction.

				MARY ANN
			Maybe he went that way!

				SKIPPER
			Oh...oh never mind, come on professor!

	The skipper and professor take off into the jungle to 
	look for Gilligan.

				MARY ANN
			Oh he was so upset I don't know which way he 
			went!

FLIP TO: EXT - JUNGLE - DAY

	The skipper and professor are walking quickly through 
	the jungle, desperately looking for Gilligan.

				SKIPPER
			We've got to find him professor, no telling 
			what he'll do with that axe!

				PROFESSOR
			I just can't believe that Gilligan is capable 
			of violence.

	Suddenly the skipper hears a sound that sounds like 
	pounding or chopping.

				SKIPPER
			What was that?

				PROFESSOR
			I don't know but it sounds like it's coming 
			from over there.
		
				SKIPPER
			Come on lets go!

	The skipper and the professor run off camera towards 
	the sound as we...

CUT TO: EXT - TOTEM POLE CLEARING - DAY

	Gilligan is seen standing on a make shift ladder 
	chopping away at the carved head on the totem pole.  
	The skipper and professor find Gilligan and witness him 
	chopping off the head. Gilligan continues to chop until 
	it eventually cuts loose and falls to the ground.  

			SKIPPER
			Not capable of violence huh!

	The skipper and professor walk over to Gilligan and 
	notice the head on the ground.

				PROFESSOR
			Gilligan what are you doing!?

				GILLIGAN
			I'm going to get rid of this totem pole!

				SKIPPER
			But look what you've done!

				GILLIGAN
			What'd I do!?

				SKIPPER
			Yo...you've cut the head off!

	Gilligan realizes what he's done and drops the axe as 
	we...

FLIP TO: INT - HUT - DAY

	Gilligan is seen packing his duffel bag with personal 
	items as the skipper and the professor are looking on 
	through the hut's window.

CUT TO: EXT - HUT - DAY

The skipper and professor are still watching Gilligan 
pack his duffel bag.

				SKIPPER
				(SOTTO)
			He's going to the other side of the island.  
			He says he can't trust himself.

				PROFESSOR
			Ah...he's convinced he all in instincts of a 
			headhunter.

				SKIPPER
			Well I'm convinced too!

			I'll never forget the look on his face when 
			cut down old grand pappy.  

				PROFESSOR
			Oh Gilligan has no native instincts either 
			for headhunting or survival, and I'm not 
			going to let him live alone on the other side 
			of the island.

				SKIPPER
			Well how are you gonna stop him?

				PROFESSOR
			By literally putting my head on the chopping 
			block.

				SKIPPER
			What do you mean?

				PROFESSOR
			Watch!

	The professor leaves the skipper and enters the hut 
	carrying a hand axe.

CUT TO: INT - HUT - DAY

				PROFESSOR
			Gilligan?  I've brought you a little going 
			away present.

			It's a hand axe.

			Thought it might come in handy while you're 
			out looking for trophies.

				GILLIGAN
			Thanks professor.  I'm glad somebody believes 
			I'm really a Kupaki headhunter.

				PROFESSOR
			Why don't you start your collection with my 
			head?

				GILLIGAN
			Huh?

				PROFESSOR
			I mean, I'd consider it an honor to be your 
			first victim.

				GILLIGAN
			Huh?

	The professor bends over and lays his head down on the 
	table as if to say chop off my head.  Gilligan doesn't 
	know quite what to make of the professor's proposal and 
	glances at the axe in his hand. The skipper, afraid of 
	the outcome, covers his eyes with his hands.

				PROFESSOR
			Come on Gilligan chop off my head.

			I mean a real Kupaki wouldn't turn down the 
			offer of a head.

	Gilligan is obviously in turmoil between his belief of 
	being a Kupaki and whacking off the professor's head.


	Gilligan then raises the axe in a chopping motion and
	throws it out the hut's window, barely missing the 
	skipper's head.

	The skipper, realizing Gilligan isn't a headhunter 
	races into the hut.

				SKIPPER
			You couldn't do it little buddy!
			You couldn't do it!

				GILLIGAN
			No I guess I'm not a headhunter.

	The professor now still in one piece, looks relieved as 
	well.

				PROFESSOR
			And you're not a Kupaki?

				GILLIGAN
			No, I'm a chicken, right down to the bone!

				SKIPPER
			Now you know you're not related to that old 
			king on the totem pole!

				GILLIGAN
			Skipper?  You couldn't make me believe I was 
			a Kupaki if I had to die to prove it!

CUT TO: EXT - TOTEM POLE CLEARING - DAY

	The chopped off head of the totem pole is seen falling 
	to the ground. Several natives are standing by.

				NATIVE LEADER
			Who ever do this...


			Die!!

CUT TO: CLOSE UP OF HEAD LYING ON THE GROUND AS WE...

								FADE OUT:

	



				ACT TWO

FADE IN: EXT - TOTEM POLE CLEARING - DAY

	The natives are as we left them.  One of them picks up 
	the chopped off head of Mashuka, their king.

				NATIVE ONE
			Mashuka, great king!  Greatest headhunter of 
			all!

				NATIVE TWO
			Also very angry looking!

				NATIVE LEADER
			Put that back on pole.

	The native that picks up the head places the head back 
	on the top of the totem pole.

				NATIVE LEADER
			We find who do this!

CUT TO: INT - HUT - DAY

	Gilligan is sweeping the floor of the hut and making 
	large clouds of dust.  He's whistling as he sweeps.
	Mary Ann enters the hut.

				MARY ANN
			Hi Gilligan!

				GILLIGAN
			Oh hi Mary Ann!

	Mary Ann starts coughing due to the dust cloud.

				MARY ANN
			Oh the dust!  

			I heard you whistling you must be happy.

				GILLIGAN
			Yeah I am!  I finally realized how silly I 
			was thinking I was a headhunter. And that's 
			why I'm happy!

				MARY ANN
			I'm happy, you're happy!

				GILLIGAN
			I'm happy you're happy I'm happy.

			In fact I was thinking how great that 
			woodenhead, would look on the wall over 
			there.

				MARY ANN
			Oh you don't want that creepy thing in your 
			room!

				GILLIGAN
			Yeah!  When nobodies here, I could talk to 
			myself!

FLIP TO: EXT - JUNGLE - DAY

	The skipper and professor are walking through the 
	jungle discussing the carved head.

				SKIPPER
			Professor do we really have to put that head 
			back on the pole?

				PROFESSOR
			Oh yes, because of Gilligan.  I'm mean for 
			the moment he's forgotten all about that 
			headhunting business. But would be better if 
			he never saw any little reminders.

				SKIPPER
			Yeah I guess so.

	The skipper does a double take as he sees the three 
	natives walking up the path.

				SKIPPER
			Don't look now, but there are three big 
			reminders headed this way!
			Quick come on, hide!

	The skipper and the professor duck down and take cover 
	behind some bushes and the three natives walk past.

				SKIPPER
				(QUIETLY)
			Are they who I think they are?

				PROFESSOR
				(QUIETLY)
			Yes!  They are real Kupaki headhunters!

CUT TO: EXT - TOTEM POLE CLEARING - DAY

	Gilligan is seen walking into the clearing where the 
	totem pole is.

				GILLIGAN
			Hey Kupa King!?

	Gilligan is looking around on the ground for the 
	chopped off head and can't find it.

				GILLIGAN
			Where'd your noggin go?

			Kupa king!?

			You and I can be friends.

			I just want to take you back to my hut.

			Kupa king!?  Kupa king?

			Where'd it go?

	Gilligan looks low then high and finally sees the head 
	back on top of the totem pole.

				GILLIGAN
			Hey, there it is.

			How'd you get up there?

			Never mind.  I don't want to know!

	Gilligan starts to run off camera.

CUT TO: EXT - JUNGLE - DAY

	The skipper and the professor are still hiding behind 
	the bushes watching the headhunters leave the area.

				SKIPPER
				(QUIETLY)
			They were headed for the lagoon!

				PROFESSOR
				(QUIETLY)
			Yeah, I'd better warn the others!

				SKIPPER
				(QUIETLY)
			Wait a minute professor!  There may be more 
			of them!

	Gilligan is seen running down the same path taken by 
	the headhunters.  The skipper sees him and reaches out 
	and grabs him, placing his hand over Gilligan's mouth 
	to keep him quiet.

				SKIPPER
				(QUIETLY)
			Gilligan.

				GILLIGAN
			Ahhhh! Skipper!

				SKIPPER
				(QUIETLY)
			Shhhh Gilligan!  Don't make a sound!

				GILLIGAN
			I don't want to say anything, but there's 
			ghosts on the island!

				SKIPPER
			Those aren’t ghosts Gilligan!  Those are real 
			Kupaki headhunters!

				GILLIGAN
			Now THERE'S good news...bye!

	Gilligan turns around and starts to leave, but the 
	skipper grabs him and turns him around.

				PROFESSOR
			Wait a minute!  Now we got to warn the 
			others!  We'll tell the Howells, and you go 
			find the girls!

				SKIPPER
			Exactly!  And above all, keep out of sight!

				GILLIGAN
			Don't worry skipper.   Its times like this 
			I'm invisible!

				SKIPPER
			Yeah all right go on!

	In their attempt to leave, Gilligan and the skipper end up
	running into each other before they get things sorted out
	and head off in their own directions.

FLIP TO: EXT - MUD BOG - DAY

	Mary Ann and Ginger are up to their necks in mud taking 
	what appears to be a mud bath.

				MARY ANN
			Oooo, I've heard of mudpacks, but this is 
			ridiculous!

				GINGER
			Don't knock it honey, in Hollywood they 
			charge twenty-five dollars a half-hour for 
			this.

				MARY ANN
			Twenty-five dollars!?  What have they got in 
			it, Rock Hudson!?

	Mary Ann and Ginger are now relaxing in the mud.

				GINGER
			Oooo I love it!

				MARY ANN
			Ok!

	Gilligan is seen walking by the mud bog where Mary Ann 
	and Ginger are relaxing.  Only their heads are visible 
	sticking above the mud. Gilligan, seeing only their 
	heads reacts in horror.

				GILLIGAN
			Oh no! The headhunters got the girls!

			I can't look!

	Gilligan covers his eyes with his hands and turns 
	around.

			  MARY ANN and GINGER
			Hi Gilligan!

	Gilligan reacts with confusion at hearing the talking 
	heads.

				GILLIGAN
			Huh!!

				MARY ANN
			What's the matter, you look like a ghost?

				GINGER
			What's wrong with you?

				GILLIGAN
			What's wrong with me?  Have you looked at 
			yourselves lately?

				GINGER
			How can we, we're covered with mud!

				GILLIGAN
			Mud?

				GINGER
			We're standing in a mud bog.

				GILLIGAN
			Oh...I thought those headhunters got here 
			efore I could.

				MARY ANN
			Gilligan...are you trying to tell us there are 
			real headhunters on this island!?

				GILLIGAN
			Yeah!  The skipper and the professor saw 
			them!

				GINGER
			Quick!  Get us out of here!

				MARY ANN
			Oh...help!

	Gilligan starts to help Mary Ann out of the mud bog as 
	Ginger is also trying to get out as we...

FLIP TO: EXT - JUNGLE NEAR TOTEM POLE - DAY

	We see the Howells being captured by the three natives 
	and being lead to a location near the totem pole. The 
	natives keep threatening the Howells with their spears. 
	The Howells are resisting but with very little effect.

				MR HOWELL
			Wait a minute! Wait a Minute! One moment 
			please!  Stop waiving that thing in...in...in my 
			wife's face! Have you no manners!?

				MRS HOWELL
			Oh Thurston, why don’t you tell these poor 
			souls that we don't need any Boy Scout 
			equipment!

				MR HOWELL
			Lovey I know how to deal with aborigines now 
			one moment...you sir, the spokesman, how much 
			to let Mrs. Howell...Mrs. How...hat, and me go 
			free? A...a ten thousands Hmmm?  A hundred 
			thousand?  Five Hundred thousand?  Oh come 
			come every man has price now what is yours!?

				NATIVE LEADER
			Kupa!  Buga Kupa!

				MRS HOWELL
			Sounds terribly expensive!

				MR HOWELL
			Oohhh!

	The natives continue to push the Howells with their 
	spears as the Howells complain in protest.

FLIP TO: EXT - TOTEM POLE CLEARING - DAY

	The Howells are seen tied to a post with the totem pole 
	just off to their left.  The natives are busy making 
	ready a pot of boiling water.  It looks like they're 
	getting ready for dinner.

				MRS HOWELL
			Thurston I didn't know we were asked for 
			dinner!

				MR HOWELL
			I'm afraid my dear we ARE the dinner!

				MRS HOWELL
			Can't you do anything to stop them!?

				MR HOWELL
			No, I even offered then seats on the stock 
			exchange!

				MRS HOWELL
			And they turned you down!?

				MR HOWELL
			Just as well.  They'd probably corner 
			everything in the market! Especially the 
			customers!

	We see the natives sharpening their machetes on a large rock
	as we...

PAN OVER TO: SKIPPER AND PROFESSOR

	The skipper and the professor are hiding behind some 
	bushes watching what the natives are doing.

				SKIPPER
				(QUIETLY)
			The Kupakis have got Mr. and Mrs. Howell 
			captive.

			We've got to do something!

				PROFESSOR
			Awe...it'd be too risky to try to overpower 
			them.

				SKIPPER
			Well of course if we got Gilligan it will 
			make the sides even.

			But of course on second thought...it...might make 
			matters worse.

				PROFESSOR
			Now wait a minute skipper you're wrong!

			Gilligan can repulse them, simply by showing 
			his face!

				SKIPPER
			Oh come on professor!  I mean...Gilligan's no 
			Cary Grant but...he certainly doesn't have a 
			face like a Frankenstein's monster!

				PROFESSOR
			No skipper that's not what I meant. Gilligan 
			looks exactly like that Kupaki on the totem 
			pole. 

				SKIPPER
			Well what about it?

				PROFESSOR
			Well if he can convince the headhunters that 
			he's really their dead king brought back the 
			life, he can order them to release the 
			Howells!

				SKIPPER
			Hey yeah! He could save us a...save us all!

FLIP TO: EXT - HUT - DAY

	The skipper, the professor, Mary Ann and Ginger are all 
	standing around with Gilligan.  Gilligan is now made up 
	to look like the Kupaki king.

				SKIPPER
			Gilligan, you're a born Kupaki if I ever saw 
			one!

				MARY ANN
			Oh boy, one look at that face and they're 
			gonna to know you're their king!

				GILLIGAN
			But I'm not a king and I'm not a headhunter!  
			Professor you convinced me of that!

				PROFESSOR
			I know, but you've got to act like one!

				GILLIGAN
			A dead one!

			How's that gonna save the Howells!?

				PROFESSOR
			Well you tell the natives to release their 
			prisoners.  Now these natives are very 
			superstitious. So as a king, your word is 
			law.

				GILLIGAN
			Then how come nobody pays attention to me!?

				GINGER
				(TO SKIPPER)
			I think you better take a look and see if the 
			Howells are all right.

				SKIPPER
			All right but hurry it up! Cause before you 
			finish off Gilligan, they're apt to finish 
			off the Howells!

	The skipper takes a headpiece made from bamboo and 
	places it on Gilligan's head.  It looks just like the 
	ne on the chopped off head. 

				SKIPPER
			There you are.

			King!!

	The skipper then heads off camera to go check on the Howells.

				PROFESSOR
			Now Gilligan...very briefly, the Kupaki words 
			for free the prisoners are...pulu see bagumba.

				GILLIGAN
			Pulu See Bagumba.

				PROFESSOR
			That's right.  Now hit the words hard and 
			make them sound like you're mad!

				GILLIGAN
			Bugilu Gumbamba!!

				PROFESSOR
			No no!  Pulu  See  Bagumba.

			Now try it again.

			GILLIGAN
			Pulu Ba sigumba

				PROFESSOR
			Oh Gilligan!  Concentrate!  The Howells are 
			in serious trouble!  Now try it again!

FLIP TO: EXT - TOTEM CLEARING - DAY

	The Howells are still tied up, but things are getting 
	rather tense.  The natives are standing around the 
	Howells with their machetes ready to start hacking 
	away.

				NATIVE LEADER
			Dat ta tu moni.  Unga bunga kupa!

				MRS HOWELL
			Thurston, what did he say?

				MR HOWELL
			We...well I don't know, but it sounded like 
			Kupaki for...Cheerio old chap!

				NATIVE
			Mashuka!

			Umba!!

	The natives are just raising their machetes to strike.  
	The Howells see it coming and start yelling for help.

				MR HOWELL and MRS HOWELL
			Help!!!

				NATIVE
			Ba Kupa!!

	Just at this point, the skipper comes running on camera 
	to stop the slaughter.

				SKIPPER
			Wait!!

				MRS HOWELL
			Skipper!

				MR HOWELL
			Skipper!

	The natives take the skipper prisoner.

				SKIPPER
			Now look I'm gonna be real fair about this 
			thing! I'm gonna give you boys a chance to 
			get off the island! There's six hundred 
			marines waiting to attack if I'm not back in 
			five minutes!

				MRS HOWELL
			Thurston, isn't that marvelous!?
			Six hundred Marines!  Oh dear and look, we're 
			not properly dressed to greet them!

				MR HOWELL
			Lovey this is just a bluff!

				MRS HOWELL
			Thurston don't be ridiculous.  Marines never 
			bluff!

				SKIPPER
			Believe me, if you guys know what's good for 
			ya, ya better get off the island right now!

			One of the natives puts a machete to the skipper's 
			throat.

				SKIPPER
			You've only got about two minutes left and 
			then you'll be finished!

CUT TO: EXT - HUT - DAY

			
	Gilligan is still trying to learn his lines while Mary 
	Ann, Ginger and the professor look on.

				GILLIGAN
			No Kupa, Pulu See Bagumba.

				PROFESSOR
			Perfect!  Gilligan that's perfect!

				GILLIGAN
			Good...I wonder what I said?

				GINGER
			You know I'm getting worried, the skipper 
			hasn't come back yet.

				MARY ANN
			Well I think we'd better go!  Mr. and Mrs. 
			Howell are probably scared to death by now!

				GILLIGAN
			Yeah I want to see myself in a mirror!

				PROFESSOR
			Oh Gilligan, we don't have time for that!

	Gilligan walks off camera and enters his hut to see 
	himself in the mirror.

				PROFESSOR
			Well hurry up!!

CUT TO: INT - HUT - DAY

	Gilligan enters the hut and walks over the mirror 
	hanging on the wall.  He admires himself as we...

				MARY ANN (O.S.)
			Gilligan!

CUT TO: EXT - HUT - DAY

	Mary Ann, Ginger and the professor are getting 
	impatient waiting for Gilligan to admire himself.  
	Natives can be seen creeping up behind the three, 
	making ready to take them prisoners.

				MARY ANN
			Gilligan, come on!!

	The three are then taken prisoner and walked off down a 
	path into the jungle as we...

CUT TO: EXT - HUT - DAY

	Gilligan is seen walking out of the hut looking for the 
	others.

				GILLIGAN
			Professor! Ginger! Mary Ann!

			I wonder where they went?

			They left without me!

	Gilligan takes off to find the others as we...

FLIP TO: EXT - TOTEM POLE CLEARING - DAY

	As we left them, the Howells are still tied to a pole 
	as are Mary Ann and Ginger.  The skipper and the 
	professor are sitting down with their backs against the 
	totem pole and firmly tied in place.

				NATIVE
			Sakupa! Bakuha!

CLOSE UP SHOT: SKIPPER AND PROFESSOR

	The following lines are all spoken in a hushed tone.

				SKIPPER
			Where's Gilligan?

				PROFESSOR
			I don't know!

	Gillian crawls out from behind some bushes and can not 
	be seen by the natives.

				GILLIGAN
			Hi!

			What are you doing there?

				SKIPPER
			I'm sorry we couldn't wait for you Gilligan, 
			but we got all tied up!

				GILLIGAN
			What do I do now?
			I only rehearsed for the Howells!

				PROFESSOR
			Well make your appearance exactly as we 
			planned Gilligan, only tell them to release 
			ALL of us!

				GILLIGAN
			Well how do I say that?

	The skipper has been working at getting loose.

				SKIPPER
			Professor, I think these vines are coming 
			loose!

				PROFESSOR
			But we can't wait till we get loose!  
			Gilligan they may kill us at any moment!

	The skipper is making a real effort at getting loose 
	and is shaking the totem pole in the process.  It 
	shakes so hard that the head on top of the totem pole 
	falls and lands in Gilligan's hands.

				PROFESSOR
			Good heavens!  If they notice that head 
			missing they'll come over to investigate!

				GILLIGAN
			I'll...I'll...put...I'll put it back up!

				SKIPPER
			Well hurry it up Gilligan or there'll be a 
			lot of heads missing!

	Gilligan takes the head and starts to climb up the 
	totem pole to replace the fallen head.  He uses the 
	skipper's shoulders as a step, but has great difficulty 
	in maintaining his balance.  He tries to put the head 
	back in place but it falls behind the totem pole and 
	out of sight.  The natives notice the commotion and 
	start to look at the totem pole.  Gilligan freezes in 
	place and tries to make the native think that his head 
	is the one at the top.  The natives notice that 
	something is wrong.

				NATIVE
			Mashuka!

	The natives, believing their dead king is becoming 
	active, kneel on the ground and start to bow 
	repeatedly.

				NATIVES
			Simba Mashuka.

			Simba Mashuka.

	Gilligan finally loses his balance and falls away from 
	the totem pole and right in front of the prostrated 
	natives.  One of the natives notices and alerts the 
	others.

				NATIVE
			Bula hula!

	The natives, now stand face to face the Mashuka, their 
	once dead king.

				NATIVE
			Mashuka?

				GILLIGAN
			Mashuka?  That's me?

				PROFESSOR
				(WHIPERS)
			Gilligan!

	The professor jerks his head in the direction of the 
	natives, giving Gilligan the go ahead to speak Kupaki.

				GILLIGAN
			Me Mashuka!

			Pulu see...

			Pulu see...

	The professor feeds Gilligan the rest of his lines.

				PROFESSOR
			Pulu see bagumba.

	Gilligan then bursts out...

				GILLIGAN
			Pulu see bagumba!!

			Hey that was pretty good!

				NATIVE LEADER
			If you dead king...Why you not speak real 
			Kupaki?

				GILLIGAN
			I've been dead so long...I forgot?

	The natives don't look too convinced and start to 
	approach Gilligan with machetes raised.

				GILLIGAN
			Would you bel...

	Gilligan, thinking he's going to be killed, tries to 
	run away and ends up tripping in the process.  He lands 
	behind the totem pole and hits the chopped off head 
	lying behind it.  The head goes shooting out from 
	behind the totem pole where it lands in full view of 
	the natives.

				NATIVE
			Mashuka!!

			We killed burda Mashuka!!

	The natives, thinking they killed the once dead king, 
	take off completely terrified and run down a path and 
	off camera.

				SKIPPER
			You did it little buddy!  You did it!
			You did it!!

				GILLIGAN
			Like they say skipper...two heads are better 
			than one!

				SKIPPER
			Yeah!

	Gilligan is satisfied with himself as we...


								FADE OUT:




				EPILOG

FADE IN: EXT - TOTEM POLE CLEARING - DAY

	Gilligan is leading the skipper, Professor and Mr. 
	Howell along the path leading to the totem pole.  The 
	totem pole has been covered with a tarp.

				SKIPPER
			You didn't bring us out here to show us THAT 
			did ya!?

				PROFESSOR
			Oh Gilligan not again!

				MR HOWELL
			When are you gonna stop worrying about 
			looking like some chap on a totem pole?

				GILLIGAN
			Right now Mr. Howell!

	Gilligan quickly removes the tarp to reveal that the 
	carved head on top, now looks exactly like Mr. Howells.

				GILLIGAN
			Next time the Kupaki show up...you can be their 
			chief!

				MR HOWELL
			Amazing likeness! Early Rodin!

			Oh to be immortalized in your own time.

	We close with a final shot of the likeness of Mr. 
	Howell perched on top of the totem pole as we...

	
								FADE OUT:


				END CREDITS