Gilligan's Island Script
Episode #71, "Pass The Vegetables, Please"
(Gilligan finds a crate of radioactive seeds)
GILLIGAN’S ISLAND
"Pass The Vegetables, Please"
by
Elroy Schwartz
March 22, 1966
TEASER
FADE IN:
1.EXT - LAGOON - DAY
MEDIUM SHOT - GILLIGAN
We see the skipper walking with a fishing pole as he
approaches the lagoon. Gilligan is seen seated on a
rock holding a fishing pole with his line cast into the
lagoon.
SKIPPER
How they biting little buddy?
GILLIGAN
They're not even gumming!
The skipper casts his line into the Lagoon and is
fishing alongside Gilligan. Both appear finally to
have caught something.
GILLIGAN
Skipper, I got a bite!
A real big one skipper!
SKIPPER
So do I! Mine must weigh fifty pounds!
The skipper and Gilligan are now engaged in a frantic
fight with the fish as they both attempt to real it in.
In the process they begin to get their lines horribly
entangled.
SKIPPER
Watch it little buddy you're fouling my line!
Gilligan you're fouling my line, now get it
loose!
Watch my line little buddy, your getting it
all fouled up!
Gilligan you're fouling my line now get it
loose!
Get it loose!
In the processes of trying to get their lines untangled
the skipper steps back and puts his foot in a pail.
SKIPPER
Gilligan! AAHHHHHHH!
The skipper falls back and drops his fishing pole,
which starts to go into the Lagoon.
SKIPPER
Hurry Gilligan get my line!
Get my foot out of this bucket!
Pull it off! YAAHHHHHH!
Hurry!
Gilligan pulls the bucket off the skipper's foot and in
the process, the skipper loses his shoe.
SKIPPER
Whose side are you on the fishes!?
The skipper, having had enough decides to leave.
SKIPPER
Now catch dinner yourself!
Gilligan will you hand me that shoe!?
The skipper walks off camera as Gilligan is left all
alone to fight bringing the fish to shore.
Gilligan continues to tug and pull the big fish to
shore as we see that it's not a fish at all but a small
wooden crate with seaweed covering the top.
GILLIGAN
If that's a fish it must come packet in cans!
After hauling the crate ashore, Gilligan removes the
top cover setting it aside. He looks inside and is
surprised to see:
GILLIGAN
OH BOY! Packages of seeds!
Beets, Carrots, Spinach! Vegetables?!
Skipper, professor look what I caught!
Carrots and Beets and Spinach, vegetables!
We zoom in on the cover laying on the ground to read
what's printed on it. The writing reveals:
DANGER
EXPERIMENTAL
RADIO
ACTIVE
SEEDS
FADE OUT
ACT ONE
FADE IN: EXT - LAGOON - DAY
2. CLOSE SHOT - GILLIGAN, SKIPPER AND PROFESSOR.
We see the Gilligan, the skipper and professor near the
crate examining the contents.
SKIPPER
OH PROFESSOR look at this.
We've got Cauliflower, we got Carrots...
PROFESSOR
Ah-huh Green Peas, Artichokes.
SKIPPER
Yes, and look at this, Idaho potatoes!
It's been so long since I've tasted an Idaho
potato, I won't know what it tastes like!
GILLIGAN
Are we gonna grow Idaho potatoes?
SKIPPER
That's right little buddy, we're going to
grow Idaho Potatoes right here!
GILLIGAN
They're sure gonna have to have long roots.
PROFESSOR
Gilligan, catching this box of seeds is the
best thing that you've done since we were
marooned.
SKIPPER
Exactly little buddy, if you were a girl I'd
kiss you.
GILLIGAN
Lucky me I'm a boy.
PROFESSOR
With these seeds, we'll have enough
vegetables for as long as we're forced to
stay here.
SKIPPER
Oh and don't forget, Mary Ann was raised on a
farm so She's going to be a big help.
GILLIGAN
Hey...Hey professor? What's a Truffle?
PROFESSOR
Why it's a subterranean fungus with solid
tubular like bodies. It's known for it's
pungent qualities. It's most delectable.
GILLIGAN
Yah but can you eat it?
PROFESSOR
Why it's a gourmet's delight!
GILLIGAN
Yah but can you eat it?
PROFESSOR
That's what I've been trying to tell you
Gilligan, it's delicious!
GILLIGAN
Oh you finally said a word I understood.
SKIPPER
Boy, wait till the others hear about this!
FLIP TO: INT - HUT - DAY
Mr. and Mrs. Howell have the opened crate in front of
them and they're examining the different seed packets.
MR HOWELL
...a veritable gold mine of goodies! Lovey
look, your favorite, little, little sugar
beets!
MRS HOWELL
Oh Thurston it's impossible!
GILLIGAN
No it says so right there on the package.
MRS HOWELL
But sugar beets come in cans!
GILLIGAN
No no first you have to plant them in the
ground.
MRS HOWELL
Oh please don't be silly. I've seen them in
their natural habitat, a Super Market.
MR HOWELL
Not shopping you understand, just sight
seeing.
MRS HOWELL
Actually I was showing some visiting royalty
a poverty pocket.
GILLIGAN
Mrs. Howell, sugar beets have to come out of
the ground before you can put them in cans.
MRS HOWELL
Hew! What a perfectly ghastly idea!
GILLIGAN
You'll see when we plant then all in the
ground.
MR HOWELL
I hope you're using the editorial WE.
MRS HOWELL
Thurston means you can't expect a Howell to
dig in the ground.
GILLIGAN
But you have to dig before you plant.
MR HOWELL
If you mention manual labor ONCE more, I'm
gonna order you OFF the property!
MRS HOWELL
Now you see Gilligan your silly notions have
upset Mr. Howell.
GILLIGAN
Mrs. Howell if you really want sugar beets...
MRS HOWELL
Well I do, I do, I just adore them!
GILLIGAN
Well we all have to pitch in then.
MRS HOWELL
Oh well I intend to do my part I assure you.
GILLIGAN
Good...Dig, plant, water, fertilize or Pick?
Which would you rather do?
MRS HOWELL
Eat!
Gilligan picks up the crate of seeds and walks out.a
FLIP TO: EXT - CLEARING - DAY
Mary Ann is examining the seed packets in the crate
that Gilligan has brought.
MARY ANN
Beets...Squash...Lettuce...
GILLIGAN
My favorite is spinach.
MARY ANN
Huh, my favorite doesn't seem to be here.
Well, spinach...cucumbers. Truffles?
GILLIGAN
Don't you know what a Truffle is?
MARY ANN
No. We never grew any in Kansas.
GILLIGAN
A Truffle is a subterranean tube that runs
into a fungus. That runs into a fungus!?
MARY ANN
What?!
GILLIGAN
I wish the professor would learn to speak
English.
MARY ANN
Radishes..Swiss Cha...CARROTS!
GILLIGAN
You like Carrots?
MARY ANN
Oh like them, I LOVE them!
Oh Gilligan they're awfully good for you.
Well the more you eat the better your
eyesight!
GILLIGAN
Everybody knows that Carrots are good for
your eyes!
MARY ANN
Why certainly!
GILLIGAN
After all, did you ever see a rabbit wearing
glasses?
Gilligan walks off camera.
DISSOLVE TO: EXT - GARDEN CLEARING - DAY
Gilligan is pulling a plow with the skipper at the
reins. Gilligan is wearing a harness and has a bone in
his mouth, which is being used as a bit.
SKIPPER
Whoa Gilligan. WHOA GILLIGAN!
Gilligan your suppose to turn a little to the
left!
GILLIGAN
Skipper I've never been a horse before.
SKIPPER
Well how much do you need to know to be a
horse?
We'll go over it again.
Now, when I pull a little, you turn a little.
When I pull a lot, you turn a lot.
When I pull on both of them you're suppose to
stop!
The skipper pulls too hard and Gilligan is pulled
backwards right into the skipper.
SKIPPER
You got it!?
GILLIGAN
Got it.
SKIPPER
All right let's try it again.
GILLIGAN
Isn't it time for lunch?
SKIPPER
Gilligan, horses don't eat lunch.
Now lets get going.
Skipper makes a clicking noise to get the horse
(Gilligan) moving.
SKIPPER
CHK CHK CHK CHK
GILLIGAN
Huh?
SKIPPER
What do you do when I say CHK CHK CHK CHK.
GILLIGAN
(Gilligan whinnies like a horse)
FLIP TO: EXT - GARDEN - DAY
Mary Ann is examining the soil of the garden with the
professor watching.
MARY ANN
Good soil but it's much to heavy for new
plants.
PROFESSOR
Yes the water won't drain well enough to keep
the seeds moist.
GILLIGAN
You better think of something quick. The
skippers sitting at the table with a napkin
tucked under his chin.
PROFESSOR
Well he's going to sit there for quite awhile
because with this type of soil, it'll take
even long for the vegetables to come up.
MARY ANN
I think my father use to use sand or
something to help the drainage.
PROFESSOR
That's a good idea. Plenty of sand at the
lagoon.
Both Mary Ann and the professor take a look at
Gilligan. Gilligan starts to laugh in disbelief.
MARY ANN
Gilligan.
GILLIGAN
AH look, I did all the weeding, and the
planting, and the watering and everything!
PROFESSOR
An excellent job at that!
MARY ANN
Oh and we do need the sand.
GILLIGAN
Ok, but I bet your father didn't grow
anything on his farm of his!
MARY ANN
He DID too!
GILLIGAN
How could he, I wasn't there to do all the
work!
DISSOLVE TO: EXT - LAGOON - DAY
Gilligan is gathering up sand for the garden. He's
using the lid of the crate to scrape sand into a
bucket. We see the "Danger" printing clearly on the
lid.
DISSOLVE TO: EXT - GARDEN - DAY
Gilligan can be seen clearly by a rock, but what he's
working can not be. The skipper approaches to check on
the gardens progress.
SKIPPER
Gilligan are you almost finished?
GILLIGAN
Almost.
The skipper finally sees what Gilligan has been working
on.
SKIPPER
A SAND castle!?
GILLIGAN
I had some extra sand.
SKIPPER
Looks like I'm wasting my time trying to mold
YOUR character.
GILLIGAN
Is that what you're trying to do?
SKIPPER
Why certainly Gilligan. Why do you suppose I
have you chop the wood, bring up water, pick
up coconuts and work on the farm? I'm trying
to strengthen your character. I'm trying to
make you officer material.
GILLIGAN
Me an officer!? That's impossible!
SKIPPER
Why?
GILLIGAN
I'm too busy being the whole crew!
SKIPPER
Spread the sand Gilligan! You just don't
underst...
Gilligan throws sand all over the skipper.
SKIPPER
OVER THERE!
DISSOLVE TO: SHOT OF MORNING SUNRISE OVER THE OCEAN THROUGH
SOME PALM TREES
DISSOLVE TO: EXT - GARDEN - DAY
Three days later.
We see the plants in the garden growing at a fantastic
rate. Gilligan walks on camera holding a watering can
made from bamboo. HE proceeds along the garden rows
watering as he goes. He turns around only to see that
the vegetables have grown to almost full size.
GILLIGAN
Hey skipper, Professor Mary Ann!
PROFESSOR
What's the matter!
GILLIGAN
The spinach is growing!
PROFESSOR
Oh that's impossible!
GILLIGAN
It is? Look!
PROFESSOR
Oh we only planted it three days ago!
MARY ANN
Gilligan what's the matter?
GILLIGAN
The Spinach is growing!
MARY ANN
Well it can't be! It takes at...
Professor!
PROFESSOR
They look like Spinach plants.
MARY ANN
Well the Carrots are they coming up too?
GILLIGAN
Are they! Look!
MARY ANN
Oh, oh, the Carrots aren’t they beautiful!?
SKIPPER
Is...is something wrong little buddy?
GILLIGAN
Nothings wrong, everything's perfect!
PROFESSOR
Well it seems that our vegetables have not
only taken root, but they've begun to grow at
a most miraculous rate!
MARY ANN
Well just look they're popping up all over
the place!
SKIPPER
Little buddy I want to complement you.
GILLIGAN
Thanks skipper.
SKIPPER
You've really done a fine job.
Put're there pal!
The skipper shakes Gilligan's hand as Gilligan ends up
pouring water from a watering can, all over the
skipper's shoes.
SKIPPER
GIVE me this Gilligan!
The skipper takes the watering can from Gilligan and
dunks it in the water barrel to fill it up. He then
raises Gilligan's head enough so he can place the
nozzle of the can down the front of Gilligan's shirt.
He fills up Gilligan's shirt until the point where
Gilligan appears almost pregnant.
DISSOLVE TO: EXT - GARDEN - DAY
We see Mr. and Mrs. Howell examining the garden.
MR HOWELL
Oh look Lovey...Lovey look, look the...the
Mushrooms are...are mushing!
MRS HOWELL
Yes, but the Beets are beating them.
MR HOWELL
Oh you had a witty one!
MRS HOWELL
Oh thank you dear!
MR HOWELL
Pretty soon the vegetables will be ready.
Gilligan will pick them. Mary Ann will clean
them, and Ginger will prepare them.
MRS HOWELL
Yes, but on second thought, oughtn't we do
something?
MR HOWELL
Oh perish the thought! Every Hive must have
a Queen, the rest are workers.
MRS HOWELL
Yes but I feel a little guilty. Maybe we
should make some kind of an effort.
MR HOWELL
Ah, what do you suggest?
MRS HOWELL
Well ah...we could be a, host and hostess at a
dinner party!
MR HOWELL
A vegetarian do!
FLIP TO: EXT - GARDEN - DAY
Mary Ann is examining the garden when she pulls a very
strange looking carrot out of the ground. The carrot
appears to have a large body with four carrots sticking
out.
MARY ANN
I never saw anything like this back on our
farm! Except under a cow!
DISSOLVE TO: EXT - HUT - DAY
Everyone is standing around the table. There are a
large number of strange vegetables covering the table.
The castaways are all astounded at what they see.
MARY ANN
Strange looking vegetables!
What are these?
GILLIGAN
Cucumbers I think.
MARY ANN
Oh and what's this funny looking thing...corn?
We see what appears to be a circular ear of corn.
SKIPPER
Well I...I...I guess that this is budget corn
Mary Ann.
MARY ANN
Budget corn?
The skipper places the ring of corn over his head.
SKIPPER
Yes, a, making both ends meet!
A vegetarians delight!
GILLIGAN
They sure are funny looking!
SKIPPER
Well who cares what they look like. We've
got fresh vegetables!
PROFESSOR
Perhaps being submerged in salt water has had
an effect on the seeds.
MARY ANN
If my father ever saw string beans like this
I think he'd faint!
GILLIGAN
They look more like Pretzel beans.
SKIPPER
Pretzels...Oh if we only had some beer to go
with them!
DISSOLVE TO: EXT - HUT - DAY
Everyone is seated at the table. On the table are a
wide variety of vegetables in bowls and plates. There
is a lot of conversation going on that appears to be ad
lib.
GILLIGAN
Skipper, pass the spinach please.
SKIPPER
Oh Gilligan that's the forth helping of
spinach you've had!
GILLIGAN
Sixth, I snuck two.
MR HOWELL
Ah...Ah Ginger, would you please pass the
Artichokes my dear.
GINGER
Oh sure Mr. Howell, do you like them?
MR HOWELL
Thank you.
The way you prepared them reminds me of my
chef Herman. The ONLY thing about you that
reminds me of my chef Herman!
Everyone is asking for their favorite vegetables.
SKIPPER
Professor, please the a, string beans.
MARY ANN
Mrs. Howell please pass the carrots.
MRS HOWELL
Oh yes of course dear.
MARY ANN
Oh we don't grow carrots like this back home.
PROFESSOR
I never realized how much I missed vegetables
until now.
GINGER
I think the two things that I miss the most
are, are vegetables and dates.
GILLIGAN
We have plenty of dates here on the island.
GINGER
Not the kind I miss.
SKIPPER
Professor, please the a, the string beans?
MR HOWELL
Would you ah...may I have the Artichokes?
PROFESSOR
Since we all seem to have our favorite
vegetables, lets move them near us.
GILLIGAN
Spinach next to me.
MARY ANN
Oh the carrots please.
MRS HOWELL
Oh I just love beets, I want the beets!
I adore sugar beets!
Everyone is talking with each other about passing the
vegetables. They are still dishing up vegetables and
having a great time. The radio has been playing music
in the back ground when all of a sudden the radio
announcer starts to speak of the seeds.
RADIO ANNOUNCER
WE INTERRUPT THIS PROGRAM FOR A NEWS BULLETIN
FROM THE EXPERIMENTAL AGRICULTURAL
LABRATORIES IN HAWAII. IT SEEMS THAT A BOX
CONTAINING RADIOACTIVE SEEDS IS MISSING.
PROFESSOR
SHHHHHHH everyone, I think he said something
about seeds!
Everyone gets completely quiet.
RADIO ANNOUNCER
THE VEGETABLE SEEDS WERE IN A SMALL WOODEN
CRATE AND INDIVIDUALLY PACKAGED. THESE
RADIOACTIVE SEEDS ARE OF AN EXPERIMENTAL
NATURE AND CONSIDERED DANGEROUS. THE BOX IS
CLEARLY LABELED, DANGER, EXPERIMENTAL,
RADIOACTIVE. ON THE CHANCE THEY DID NOT FALL
OVERBOARD, ANYONE FINDING THEM OR KNOWING
ANYTHING ABOUT THEM, PLEASE CONTACT THE
AGRICULTURAL DEPARTMENT IN HAWAII. LET ME
REPEAT. THE SEEDS ARE RADIOACTIVE AND
CONSIDERED EXTREMELY DANGEROUS. NOW BACK TO
OUR PROGRAM OF CHEERY DAYTIME TUNES.
The professor leans over and turns off the radio.
GINGER
Professor, do you suppose that?
PROFESSOR
Well he did say that the crate was clearly
labeled.
SKIPPER
Well...we...we...well when Gilligan showed us
the crate it didn't have a cover on it did it.
GILLIGAN
I took the cover off.
PROFESSOR
Do you know where it is?
Gilligan gets up and picks up his chair as he says:
GILLIGAN
Made it into this bench right here.
He lifts it up and we clearly see the DANGER label.
GILLIGAN
Nothing there, see!
FADE OUT:
ACT TWO
FADE IN:
ESTABLISHING SHOT: A SET OF PALM TREES WAVING IN THE WIND
CUT TO: EXT - HUT - DAY
Everyone except the professor is seated around the
table. The professor is standing at the head of the
table referring to a book he's holding. The camera
slowly zooms in for a professor only close-up as he
speaks.
PROFESSOR
...Course this book is dated. It doesn't
contain much information about the
consumption of radioactive food. However, it
does say that it's entirely possible that it
could be fatal. But on the other hand it
doesn't say it MUST be fatal. So you see
there's no...
The camera pulls back to reveal that all but the
professor as fainted.
PROFESSOR
Now what could I have said to make them
faint?
DISSOLVE TO: INT - HUT - DAY
Gilligan is in the upper hammock and the skipper is in
the lower one. The professor is seated at a table
still reading his book and looking perplexed.
SKIPPER
Gilligan are you frightened?
GILLIGAN
No.
SKIPPER
Your not!?
GILLIGAN
I'm too scared to be frightened.
The professor suddenly realizes something as he
continues to read his book.
PROFESSOR
How dumb can I be!?
SKIPPER
Dumb? Well you're the smartest man I ever
knew!
PROFESSOR
How could I be so stupid!?
Of all the dumb...
SKIPPER
Well professor a, don't call yourself dumb
just cause you can't find a cure for this
disease.
PROFESSOR
We're doing the wrong thing! Lying still
could kill us! We should be moving around!
At hearing this, Gilligan and the skipper jump out of
their hammocks and start a frantic race for the door.
The professor leads the two out of the hut while
Gilligan and the skipper continue their unorganized
departure.
DISSOLVE TO: EXT - LAGOON - DAY
We see Mary Ann and the skipper near the edge of the
lagoon pacing back and for. Mary Ann is looking tired.
MARY ANN
Oh skipper I've got to sit down I'm
exhausted!
SKIPPER
Don't sit down Mary Ann, come on now. Don't
you remember the professor said to keep
our...our blood circulating, otherwise that
radioactive stuff will settle in one place!
Now come on!
MARY ANN
But I'm tired! After all I haven't got your
legs!
SKIPPER
Well...we...well it's a good thing you haven't
Mary Ann other wise you couldn't get in those
shorts.
Mary Ann suddenly looks up in amazement as she looks
out at the ocean.
MARY ANN
Skipper a boat look!
SKIPPER
Where!?
MARY ANN
Over there!
INSERT: SHOT OF OCEAN THROUGH THE PALM TREES.
SKIPPER
Where!? I don't see anything.
MARY ANN
It's white with blue trim and...and has a
bridge or something covered in glass and a
lifeboat hanging on the end.
SKIPPER
Are you sure!? I don't see anything.
Mary Ann are you all right?
MARY ANN
Oh I'm feeling fi...
Oh skipper I'm not seeing things! There's a
boat right over there!
SKIPPER
Professor! Quick!
Mary Ann I think that radioactive stuff is
making you see things!
Professor! Quick!
Come on Mary Ann!
DISOLVE TO: EXT-HUT-DAY
Mary Ann and the skipper come running on camera from
the lagoon looking for the professor.
SKIPPER
Professor! Professor!
PROFESSOR
What's the matter!?
SKIPPER
Where's...Oh there you are. Mary Ann sees a
boat out there.
MARY ANN
It's white with blue trim.
INSERT: SHOT OF THE OCEAN THROUGH THE PALM TREES
PROFESSOR
But I don't see anything out there but water
Mary Ann.
MARY ANN
I can even see the people on the deck!
Oh...there's a man in a red and white-stripped
tee shirt. Another man in a, in a blue shirt
and blue slacks, and two beautiful women in
bikinis.
SKIPPER
OH I wish I could see that!
PROFESSOR
But I don't see anything out there.
MARY ANN
I know I'm not imagining it! Why, it's just
as plain as your book over there.
PROFESSOR
You can see my book?
MARY ANN
Well of course! It's on the stump.
ON the hill!
PROFESSOR
But that's a half a mile away!
MARY ANN
It's ah, turned to page one seventeen, some
sort of chemical equation...hree N O two plus
H two O equals two H N O three plus N O.
PROFESSOR
Well that's incredible!
SKIPPER
Well but professor, if she can see the
book...maybe there is a boat out there!
MARY ANN
Why would I say there was a boat out there if
there wasn't?
PROFESSOR
Well keep your eye on the boat just in case.
Come on skipper, let's go build a signal
fire!
Mary Ann starts to try and signal the boat with yelling
and waving her arms.
MARY ANN
OVER HERE! Oh come over here!
SKIPPER
Boy professor, what a great time to be
rescued. Now they can take us to the
hospital and, and we can get cured of the
radioactive whatchamacallit what ever it is.
PROFESSOR
Skipper that's it! That's the reason for her
fantastic eyesight!
SKIPPER
What are you talking about?
PROFESSOR
Well Mary Ann ate those carrots. Now the
radioactive treatment of those seeds must
have magnified the Carotene!
SKIPPER
Carotene?
PROFESSOR
Well that's the chemical in carrots that's
necessary for good eyesight!
SKIPPER
Well then that proves that she saw that boat
out there! Come on let's get this fire
started.
GILLIGAN! GILLIGAN!
Gilligan comes running on camera from behind the hut.
GILLIGAN
What are you doing?
SKIPPER
Well obviously Gilligan we're building a
fire.
GILLIGAN
For a merit badge huh?
SKIPPER
No not for a merit badge! We're trying to
signal that boat out there!
GILLIGAN
What boat?
INSERT: SHOT OF OCEAN THROUGH THE PALM TREES
SKIPPER
The boat out there!
GILLIGAN
I don't see any boat.
SKIPPER
Of course you don't.
GILLIGAN
Do you?
SKIPPER
No!
GILLIGAN
Professor do you see the boat?
PROFESSOR
Oh I can't see it either.
GILLIGAN
But it's out there right?
SKIPPER
Look, Mary Ann saw the boat out there.
GILLIGAN
Can you see Mary Ann?
SKIPPER
No, how can I see Mary Ann when she's not
even here?
GILLIGAN
The same way you can see the boat.
SKIPPER
Gilligan will stop that! Will you go get
some firewood for the fire?
GILLIGAN
To signal the boat that we can't see right?
SKIPPER
Exactly!
GILLIGAN
Professor, what kind of boat is it we can't
see?
PROFESSOR
Ah...white with blue trim, and it's got two
men and two women on it.
SKIPPER
Yah and the women are wearing bikinis!
GILLIGAN
OOOOOO I wish I could see them...even if
they're not there!
SKIPPER
For the last time Gilligan, will you get over
to that tree and get some fire wood for the
fire!?
GILLIGAN
I have a better idea!
SKIPPER
What!?
GILLIGAN
Since we're make believing there's a boat,
let's make believe we have a fire!
SKIPPER
GILLIGAN!!
GILLIGAN
I'm going. You don't have to yell.
SKIPPER
YES I DO! Now will you get the firewood!?
CUT TO: EXT - CLEARING - DAY
Gilligan is seen walking on camera and over to a fallen
tree. We see Gilligan ponder what to do as he grabs
the tree by a large branch and lifts the entire tree
off the ground to his amazement.
The skipper looks up and sees what Gilligan is
doing in amazement.
GILLIGAN
Skipper? Where do you want it?
SKIPPER
Professor!
The skipper and the professor walk off camera and over
to where Gilligan is.
SKIPPER
Gilligan little buddy how did you pick that
tree up!?
GILLIGAN
With one hand!
SKIPPER
Wha...well it must be hollow!
PROFESSOR
Well it must weigh four or five hundred
pounds!
SKIPPER
Oh that's ridiculous professor. If it
weighed four or five hundred pounds he
couldn't lift it up!
Skipper tries to pick up the tree by the same branch
that Gilligan used and can't seem to budge the tree.
SKIPPER
I can't budge it!
Gilligan, how did you do that!?
PROFESSOR
Spinach, the spinach, Gilligan kept eating
the spinach. The radioactive treatment of
the seeds must have magnified the potency of
the oxalic minerals. That's how you get
strength from eating spinach!
SKIPPER
Well right now let's worry about that boat
out there!
Gilligan since you're so strong, break off
those branches and get the fire going real
good!
Gilligan breaks off a few of the branches and is
looking rather smug about it.
SKIPPER
All right Gilligan now will you stop playing
games and put it on the fire!
MARY ANN
Oh you can forget about the fire, the boats
gone.
SKIPPER
Gilligan this is all your fault! IF you
hadn't found that crate of seeds out there!
PROFESSOR
Now hold it skipper, hold it. We were all
excited about finding those seeds, and he
didn't know they were contaminated.
SKIPPER
Of course your right professor, I'm sorry
little buddy, forgive me...
The skipper starts to shake Gilligan's hand and
Gilligan's extra strength starts to show.
SKIPPER
Gilligan will you let go! You're crushing my
hand!
MARY ANN
What's happened?
PROFESSOR
Well it's those radioactive vegetables Mary
Ann.
They've given you fantastic eyesight and
Gilligan super power. Well the potentials
are unlimited. Why the increase in the
potency of the vitamins alone could make us
healthier than we ever were before.
SKIPPER
Yes if they don't kill us first!
GILLIGAN
Yah we'll be the healthiest dead people
around.
PROFESSOR
Mrs. Howell!?
MARY ANN
What about her?
PROFESSOR
Well she kept eating those sugar beets.
SKIPPER
Well so what.
PROFESSOR
Well sugar is energy. I wonder what effect
it's had on her?
CUT TO: INT - HUT - DAY
Mrs. Howell is seen moving at twice a person's normal
speed as she moves around the hut. She's putting
things away and making beds etc.
MR HOWELL
Lovey what has happened to you?
Lovey slow down!
I'm exhausted just watching you!
At least take a coffee break!
MRS HOWELL
Good idea!
Mrs. Howell sits for just a moment and has some more
sugar beets to eat. She gets up and races out the
door. Mr. Howell follows her to the door in amazement.
MR HOWELL
I may enter that woman in the Olympics.
FLIP TO: EXT - HUT - DAY
Gilligan is seen holding the skipper up who is laying
in a lounge chair. Gilligan appears to be exercising
using the skipper as his weights.
SKIPPER
Hey Gilligan would you mind putting me down.
I'm getting thirsty, I'd like to get
something to drink.
Gilligan puts the skipper back down on the ground.
SKIPPER
Thank you little buddy. Say, what about you?
You've been doing all the exercise, aren’t
you thirsty?
GILLIGAN
Oh yah! I'll go get us some coconut milk.
SKIPPER
Fine.
Gilligan goes to a table with coconuts and picks one,
which promptly is crushed.
SKIPPER
Gilligan you're a walking disaster area.
You've got to learn to be careful.
Now pick up a coconut, but be gentle.
Gilligan picks up another coconut, this time without
breaking it.
SKIPPER
There...see, that's much better, now just toss
it over here Gilligan.
Gilligan tosses the coconut, but way too hard and it
sails past the skipper's head and right through the
wall of the hut he's sitting next to.
SKIPPER
Gilligan I told you to be careful!
GILLIGAN
I'll fix it skipper.
Gilligan runs over to the hut to fix the hole.
SKIPPER
NO Gilligan don't touch it!
It's too late. Gilligan has now torn an even larger
hole in the hut wall.
PROFESSOR
Skipper! Skipper! Gilligan!
SKIPPER
Wa...wa...what's happened!?
PROFESSOR
I think I've found a cure for us!
SKIPPER
Wa...Great!
GILLIGAN
YAH!
PROFESSOR
I've applied the principles of theoretic
chemistry to the problem of radioactivity.
Now the best preventative for the internal
bombardment of radioactive particles is
through their containment by hydrocarbons.
GILLIGAN
Would you mind repeating that?
PROFESSOR
Not at all.
I've applied the principals of theoretic
chemistry to the problem of radioactivity.
SKIPPER
Oh come on professor, never mind all the
scientific lingo. What are you trying to
tell us?
PROFESSOR
That our best protection against the
vegetables we've eaten is through hydrocar...
well that is to say through plant fats. And
the best source of plant fat is the soap
we've been making here on the island.
GILLIGAN
Do you mean we have to take a bath with that
soap?
PROFESSOR
No we shall have to consume it internally.
GILLIGAN
Oh thank goodness. For a minute there I
thought we were going to have to eat it!
FLIP TO: INT - HUT - DAY
We see everyone seated at the table with a plate of
what appears to be cheese on it, but in fact are bars
of soap.
GINGER
Do we really have to eat soap professor?
PROFESSOR
Absolutely!
GILLIGAN
It seems a shame to wash out my mouth with
soap when I didn't say anything bad.
SKIPPER
Gilligan, you are going to eat a piece of
soap and I'm going to sit here and see that
you do!
Now take a piece of soap!
All right now, start eating!
Gilligan...eat!
GILLIGAN
This stuff just tastes awful!
SKIPPER
Never mind that Gilligan, just do as the
professor says.
As they continue to eat the soap, large quantities of
bubbles are coming out of everyone's mouths.
MARY ANN
OH! Just call me bubbles!
GINGER
OH MY GOODNESS! This could be the start of a
whole new career! Ginger Grant, bubble
dancer!
PROFESSOR
It's working, the hydrocarbons are absorbing
the radioactivity!
Keep eating!
GILLIGAN
When's this going to stop!
PROFESSOR
Everything's going to be all right!
CUT TO: EXT - HUT - DAY
The camera pulls back to reveal the hut and soap
bubbles floating all over the place. The castaways can
be heard laughing and talking amongst them selves.
FADE OUT:
EPILOG
FADE IN: INT - HUT - NIGHT
Gilligan is lying in the top hammock as the skipper
works on the door of the hut.
SKIPPER
Gilligan, the professor said we're all cured.
Isn't that good news?
GILLIGAN
Yah, but that soap didn't taste bad after you
got use to it.
SKIPPER
Oh I thought it tasted awful!
Gilligan is seen sneaking a bite of the soap and hiding
it from the skipper.
GILLIGAN
Mmmm, I thought it tasted good.
SKIPPER
Gilligan, are you eating something?
GILLIGAN
Me?
SKIPPER
Your not eating...your not eating anymore of
that soap!?
GILLIGAN
What ever gave you that..Hip..Hip..Hip..
As Gilligan hiccups a giant bubble forms.
SKIPPER
Gilligan! Gilligan?
The giant bubble that was forming as Gilligan hiccuped
is getting bigger. The skipper places his fingers in
his ears just before the bubble finally explodes with a
loud boom!
FADE OUT:
END CREDITS