TEASER

FADE IN:

EXT. ISLAND BEACH - ESTABLISHING SHOT - DAY

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. CAMP - DAY

FOLLOW Skipper as he exits the hut, stretches, and looks around at the day. He walks over to the table where Mary Ann prepares breakfast.

SKIPPER

Good morning, Mary Ann.

MARY ANN

Good morning, Skipper.

SKIPPER

And how are you this morning?

MARY ANN

Just fine.

SKIPPER

You know what I'd love to have for breakfast?

MARY ANN

What?

SKIPPER

Some nice soft scrambled eggs and a nice thick slice of tinned ham.

MARY ANN

So would I. But all you're gonna get is mackerel and sliced banana.

SKIPPER

Mackerel and sliced bananas? That sounds awful.

MARY ANN

Probably will be.

SKIPPER

Come on, breakfast is ready.

Skipper sits down at the dinner table. Mary Ann places a plate in front of Skipper.

MARY ANN

There you go.

SKIPPER

Oh, that Gilligan never does anything right.

MARY ANN

What did he do now?

SKIPPER

Look at the way he washed this plate.

MARY ANN

It looks clean to me.

SKIPPER

What's that spot here in the middle of it?

MARY ANN

That's your breakfast.

PLATE

from which Skipper picks up the speck of food with a knife.

SKIPPER

You call that a banana?

They peer at the speck of food on Skipper's knife. Mary Ann squints at the speck.

BACK TO SCENE

MARY ANN

No, I think that's the mackerel. All the food is shriveling up like that. The Professor says it's some kind of a blight.

SKIPPER

This could be serious. Has he got any kind of a cure for it?

MARY ANN

I don't know. He's in the vegetable garden making some tests.

SKIPPER

Well, I'd better talk to him.

MARY ANN

Do you want me to keep your breakfast warm?

SKIPPER

No, Mary Ann, just keep it from blowing away.

FLIP TO:

EXT. VEGETABLE GARDEN - DAY

Professor shows Skipper a small cup with seeds. Skipper picks out seeds to examine more closely.

PROFESSOR

These are the last of the seeds from my healthy plants. If we can keep the birds away from them, we may be all right.

SKIPPER

Well, what can we do about the birds?

PROFESSOR

Gilligan said he'd keep them away.

SKIPPER

If Gilligan said he'd keep them away, why doesn't he keep them away?

GILLIGAN

I am, Skipper.

Gilligan is dressed as a scarecrow. A crow lands on him. Gilligan glares at the bird.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Hey, don't you know a scarecrow when you see one?

The CROW CAWS, but pays no attention to Gilligan.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Hey.

The crow flies away. Gilligan excitedly smiles.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

It works! It works, Skipper. It worked.

Gilligan squints and scans the sky.

FADE OUT.

END OF TEASER

ACT ONE

FADE IN:

EXT. OCEAN BEACH - ESTABLISHING SHOT - DAY

Seaweed lightly covers the beach.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. CAMP - DAY

Gilligan uses a spoon to serve soup from a pan into cups.

SOUP PAN

PULL BACK to reveal Gilligan and Skipper dishing out soup to Mary Ann and Ginger.

SKIPPER

Not too much soup now, Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

Don't worry, only two spoonfuls to a customer.

Gilligan ladles soup into Mary Ann's cup.

MARY ANN

Thanks, Gilligan.

Ginger steps up to get her soup.

GINGER

(sultry)

Is this all I get, Gilligan?

GILLIGAN

Sorry, Ginger, but we're on strict rations.

Ginger drinks the cup of soup.

GINGER

Strict is right. I didn't even get my lips wet.

Mr. Howell approaches the soup line wearing sunglasses.

MR HOWELL

Thurston Howell the Third in a soup line. I'll be drummed out of the social register.

SKIPPER

I'm sorry, Mister Howell, but the blight has destroyed our whole food supply.

GILLIGAN

The Professor went to the other side looking for some crops. It's our only hope.

Mr. Howell raises his sunglasses slightly to see if anyone is watching him leave the soup line. Mr. Howell sits down at the table. Next in line is Mrs. Howell.

SKIPPER

Missus Howell.

Mrs. Howell peers at the soup through her lorgnette.

MRS HOWELL

You mean this is the entire meal?

GILLIGAN

How about some napkins?

Gilligan holds up a broad leaf.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

We got plenty of those.

Mrs. Howell dismisses the idea and sits down at the table.

SKIPPER

Now, folks, let's stop complaining and face up to the facts. We'll have to stay on rations for a while. One string bean, one olive, and one cup of soup per person.

MR HOWELL

Skipper, can I have another olive?

SKIPPER

I'm sorry, Mister Howell. One olive per person.

GILLIGAN

Mister Howell, you can have my olive.

MR HOWELL

I already took yours.

Gilligan looks at this plate and moves his cup to discover that Mr. Howell had taken his olive.

SKIPPER

Folks, we've got to cooperate if we want to avoid starvation.

MR HOWELL

Ginger --

Ginger looks surprised.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

I'll give you five hundred dollars for your olive.

MRS HOWELL

Oh, Thurston, that's not fair.

MR HOWELL

(to Mrs. Howell)

You're right, dear.

(to Ginger)

Make it a thousand.

MARY ANN

Imagine, a thousand dollars for an olive.

GINGER

Without a martini?

GILLIGAN

Does anybody want any more string beans? We got three left.

MRS HOWELL

Thurston, have some of those.

MR HOWELL

(pouting)

No, Lovey, if I can't have another olive, I'm not gonna eat my string bean.

SKIPPER

Please, I'm giving you all warning. We've got to stay on these rations if we expect to survive.

GILLIGAN

Skipper, is it that bad? Is it really that bad?

SKIPPER

Gilligan, I --

(sees Professor)

Professor!

The Professor emerges from the Jungle and wipes his sweaty brow with his arm. He carries a canteen and a binocular case strung around his neck. He carries a knife on his belt. Skipper and Gilligan run to meet him.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Professor, what about those crops? Did you find out anything?

PROFESSOR

I certainly did.

The Professor extends his arm and opens his hand revealing two small black raisins.

PROFESSOR'S HAND

holds "raisins." Gilligan grabs the "raisins."

GILLIGAN (O.S.)

Hey! Looks like the blight didn't hurt these raisins.

BACK TO SCENE

PROFESSOR

Gilligan, those "raisins" happen to be watermelons.

Professor exits and leaves Gilligan and Skipper looking dumbfounded at the raisins.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. JUNGLE - DAY

The Professor leads the Skipper and Gilligan through the jungle looking for edible plants.

SKIPPER

Gilligan!

As Gilligan walks by one plant, he stops to contemplate it.

GILLIGAN

Hey! Hey. How about this stuff? Looks good enough to eat, and there's plenty of it.

SKIPPER

Well, the Professor says it's poisonous.

GILLIGAN

Are you sure, Professor?

PROFESSOR

Well, I'm not positive, but most of this species is highly toxic.

GILLIGAN

Couldn't one of us taste it just to find out?

PROFESSOR

No, it's much too dangerous to take a chance.

GILLIGAN

Even with me?

Skipper glances a pitiful look toward the Professor.

SKIPPER

Even with you, little buddy.

A DUCK QUACKS.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

What's that?

They look toward the sky.

DUCK

flies through the air.

BACK TO SCENE

PROFESSOR

It's a wild duck and he's headed straight for the lagoon. Let's go.

The men trip over each other making haste for the lagoon.

DUCK

landing on water.

FLIP TO:

EXT. LAGOON - DAY

The men look at the duck in the water.

GILLIGAN

(sotto)

Look at him. What a beauty.

SKIPPER

(sotto)

What a meal. Let's get him.

PROFESSOR

(sotto)

Wait a minute, Skipper.

(pause)

Nobody's gonna eat that bird.

DUCK

swims in the lagoon.

SKIPPER (O.S.)

(sotto)

What are you talking about?

PROFESSOR (O.S.)

(sotto)

He happens to be a migratory duck from North America.

BACK TO SCENE

PROFESSOR

(sotto)

It's just possible he might rescue us.

GILLIGAN

(sotto)

It'll never work. He couldn't even carry one of us.

SKIPPER

(sotto)

Gilligan. I see what you mean, Professor. We'll tie a message to his leg, right?

PROFESSOR

(sotto)

Exactly. Somebody's bound to see the message when he gets back to the States. That duck is the best chance we've had yet to get off this island.

SKIPPER

(sotto)

Let's capture him.

PROFESSOR

(sotto)

Wait a minute. Best place is over here by the reeds. Take it easy. Can't frighten him. No noise.

The Professor and Skipper head for the reeds. Gilligan starts to follow, but turns and reaches out for the duck.

EXT. LAGOON REEDS - DAY

Professor and Skipper walk along the lagoon shore through the reeds. Skipper realizes that Gilligan isn't behind them and grabs the Professor, bringing him back to an angle where they can see Gilligan.

EXT. LAGOON - DAY

Gilligan positions himself on a rock, poised to grab the duck.

EXT. LAGOON REEDS - DAY

The Skipper calls out to Gilligan and the Professor motions Gilligan to join them.

SKIPPER

(sotto)

Will you get over here?

EXT. LAGOON - DAY

Gilligan falls into the lagoon.

EXT. LAGOON REEDS - DAY

Skipper looks at Professor with an "oh, not again" look.

EXT. LAGOON - DAY

Gilligan rights himself and tries to grab the duck, but it flies off.

DUCK

takes off.

EXT. LAGOON REEDS - DAY

Skipper and Professor watch the duck fly off.

EXT. LAGOON - DAY

The soaked Gilligan sits in the shallow lagoon water.

GILLIGAN

Sorry.

FLIP TO:

EXT. CAMP - DAY

Mr. and Mrs. Howell recline on their chaise lounge bamboo chairs. Gilligan waddles by and QUACKS like a duck.

MR HOWELL

Poor devil. The sun has finally got him. He thinks he's a duck.

MRS HOWELL

Thurston, what can we do?

MR HOWELL

Nothing. He's safe as long as he doesn't try to fly.

EXT. JUNGLE - DAY

Gilligan continues to QUACK like a duck. He hears other QUACKS, which are made by the unseen Skipper. Skipper hears the QUACKS too. They each approach a tall bush from opposite sides.

PAN TO reveal Skipper. Both men pull the branches of the bush apart to discover the other standing there.

SKIPPER

Gilligan!

Skipper releases the side of the bush, allowing it to medium close up - Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

Skipper, I'm --

They hear quacking.

DUCK

flies in the sky.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

He's in the lagoon!

Gilligan turns and runs. Skipper struggles with the BUSH.

FLIP TO:

EXT. LAGOON - DAY

DUCK

swims in the lagoon. The duck flaps its wings to shed the water.

DECOY

floats in the lagoon.

BACK TO SCENE

Gilligan pulls a string tied to an old shoe, decorated with feathers to look like a duck. The decoy gently "swims" toward Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

I made that decoy out of an old shoe with feathers on it. How does it look?

SKIPPER

Like an old shoe with feathers on it.

GILLIGAN

It's very good-looking.

DECOY

floats along, pulled by Gilligan's string.

BACK TO SCENE

SKIPPER

I hope that duck is nearsighted.

GILLIGAN

It's getting closer.

DECOY

gets close to shore.

DUCK

swims after the decoy.

BACK TO SCENE

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Look, it's working.

SKIPPER

You're lucky. I think that duck is nearsighted. He'd go for anything.

DUCK

nears the reeds by the shore.

GILLIGAN

When he gets in close, Skipper, grab him.

DUCK

follows the decoy into the reeds.

SKIPPER

Take it easy. Now, don't pull too hard.

DECOY

sinks in the water.

DUCK

shakes off water and turns around.

BACK TO SCENE

GILLIGAN

I forgot. I had a hole in my shoe.

SKIPPER

I forgot you had a hole in your head. Now, quick, we've got to get him before he flies away.

GILLIGAN

Skipper, I'll wade in and get him.

SKIPPER

We'll try, but now don't splash around 'cause you'll scare him off for sure.

GILLIGAN

Okay.

Gilligan heads for the water.

Gilligan walks through the reeds.

DUCK

swims in the water.

BACK TO SCENE

Skipper anxiously waits on shore. Gilligan, waist deep, wades through the water toward the duck. He trips and submerges. Skipper anxiously waits on shore. Gilligan, resurfaced, continues to wade toward the duck. He grasps the duck. Skipper motions for Gilligan to come back to shore.

SKIPPER

Gilligan, bring him in here. Bring him in here.

Gilligan holds the duck. The duck's beak rests near Gilligan's cheek.

GILLIGAN

I will, as soon as he stops kissing me.

FLIP TO:

EXT. CAMP - DAY

DUCK

sits in its cage.

BACK TO SCENE

The castaways gather around the table. Mrs. Howell and Skipper sit. The others stand near the duck cage.

MR HOWELL

You can't tell me that little buzzard is gonna fly all the way back to the United States. I just refuse to believe it.

Gilligan feeds the duck through the bars of the cage.

PROFESSOR

These wild ducks have been known to fly thousands of miles.

MARY ANN

How long will it take him to get back?

The Professor turns and walks toward the table, passing Ginger.

PROFESSOR

Well, it's hard to say. Two days, a week, maybe more.

Ginger applies mascara to her eye lashes.

GINGER

I guess it's a nonscheduled duck.

MARY ANN

What are you gonna name him?

GILLIGAN

I'm gonna name him after my grandfather.

MARY ANN

Oh, what was his name?

GILLIGAN

Everett.

PROFESSOR

That's right, Gilligan, give him all he wants. Got to build up his strength.

The Professor walks over to the duck cage.

MR HOWELL

Who's gonna build up our strength?

MRS HOWELL

I've heard of salt-free diets, but this is a food-free one.

GINGER

I've lost five pounds.

SKIPPER

So have I.

Ginger sits at the table.

GINGER

But I'm an actress. If I lose any more weight, when I get back to Hollywood I'll be playing boys' parts.

MRS HOWELL

If you're an actress, act fat.

MR HOWELL

I still say we ought to eat the little beast.

PROFESSOR

You eat that duck and you eat our chance to be rescued.

MARY ANN

Besides, he's so cute. How could you eat him?

MR HOWELL

Roasted, my dear. Roasted.

DUCK

sits in its cage. The DUCK QUACKS several times.

BACK TO SCENE

Mary Ann and Gilligan nervously glance around.

GILLIGAN

Well, I think Everett's had enough. I'm gonna take him for a little walk.

Gilligan lifts the duck cage by the handle and turns to leave.

SKIPPER

All right, Gilligan, but don't let him get away.

Gilligan carries the duck cage past the hut.

FLIP TO:

EXT. JUNGLE - DAY

Skipper and Professor emerge from the jungle to find the duck cage empty.

SKIPPER

Gilligan, where's the duck?

Gilligan's arm emerges from the foliage and points skyward. Gilligan holds a spool of string with his other hand. The string rises skyward.

DUCK

flying in the sky.

DUCK

flying in the sky with a string attached to its foot.

HIGH ANGLE

on the men as the Skipper, Gilligan, and Professor watch the duck fly.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Say, he looks nice and strong now.

GILLIGAN

He sure is. He even pulled me off my feet once.

PROFESSOR

Wonderful. I got a message ready. Bring him down.

GILLIGAN

Okay.

Gilligan pulls on the spool of string.

SKIPPER

Well, Gilligan, bring him down.

GILLIGAN

It's like you said, Skipper. He sure is a lot stronger.

PROFESSOR

Careful, Gilligan, don't hurt him.

GILLIGAN

Hurt him?

DUCK

flies with a string attached to its foot.

BACK TO SCENE

Gilligan tries to rein the duck in by pulling hard on the spool, but the string breaks. The string falls from the sky and lands on Skipper and Gilligan.

DUCK

flies freely.

BACK TO SCENE

SKIPPER

Nice going. Now what do we do?

GILLIGAN

Don't worry. I know how to get him down.

Gilligan pulls leaves from the foliage.

HIGH ANGLE

on Gilligan, Skipper, and Professor.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Everett, cleared for landing!

Gilligan holds one large leaf in each hand, as if he is guiding an airplane to an airport.

DUCK

flies through the sky.

BACK TO SCENE

Gilligan steers the duck, but waves it off at the last moment. The DUCK QUACKS. The trio ducks and turns to look behind them.

SKIPPER

What did you wave him off for?

GILLIGAN

Didn't you see? He forgot to put his feet down.

SKIPPER

Gilligan. Well, get him back in here.

GILLIGAN

Aye aye, sir. Everett?

Gilligan extends his arms again.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Come on, Everett.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. CAMP - DAY

The castaways stand in the clearing as the Professor tries to attach a message to the duck's leg.

PROFESSOR

Hold him still while I attach this message.

GILLIGAN

I'm sure gonna miss you, Everett.

MR HOWELL

Yes, every time we sit down at the table, we'll miss you.

PROFESSOR

There. All set.

GILLIGAN

Oh, boy. Okay, Everett, now. And please be careful. Remember, glide a lot. It's a long way.

SKIPPER

And fly below the clouds, don't go near the mountains, and for goodness sake, stay away from the airplanes.

GINGER

And remember, if you meet a cute little lady duck along the way, business before pleasure.

PROFESSOR

All right, Gilligan, it's time.

GILLIGAN

All right, Everett, good luck. Take off and don't look back.

MR HOWELL

It's the only way to fly.

Gilligan tosses the duck into the air.

GILLIGAN

Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

HIGH ANGLE

on the castaways as they wave toward the sky.

MR HOWELL

Fly! Carry the message! Do it well, brave friend!

DUCK

flies through the sky.

DUCK - NEW ANGLE

BACK TO SCENE

The castaways face opposite, but turn as the duck returns.

SKIPPER

Wait a --

MARY ANN

I think he's landing.

A shadow of the duck crosses the bodies of the castaways.

SKIPPER

Professor, why did he come back?

PROFESSOR

I don't know.

GILLIGAN

It's his dinnertime.

The duck waddles across the sand. Gilligan gives chase, finally picking up the duck.

FLIP TO:

EXT. JUNGLE - DAY

Gilligan carries the duck in the duck cage along a path in the jungle. He finds a suitable place to sit.

GILLIGAN

Here's a good place, Everett.

Gilligan sits cross legged.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

We better stay here while they have dinner. I don't like the way they're looking at you. If we're not careful, you're gonna be a dead duck.

The DUCK QUACKS loudly.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Oops. Sorry, I shouldn't have said that. But if you don't fly and take that message, your goose is gonna be cooked.

The duck QUACKS loudly.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Did it again. I'm sorry.

The duck QUACKS loudly and flaps. Gilligan sees an egg in the duck cage.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Well, I'll be --

Gilligan reaches in and picks up the egg.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

You're not an Everett, you're an Emily. And no wonder you couldn't take off and fly. You're top-heavy, or you were bottom-heavy. I bet you can fly now. Come on, we'll tell the others.

EXT. CAMP - DAY

Professor and Skipper clean up dishes after a meal.

PROFESSOR

Some of them didn't even finish the stew.

SKIPPER

Oh, let's face it, Professor. It's hard to stare at a plump duck that's ready for roasting and swallow this.

PROFESSOR

Well, I still say that duck might be able to save our necks.

They walk over to the food prep table.

SKIPPER

And I still say he's fit for frying, not for flying.

GILLIGAN

Skipper! Skipper! Skipper!

Gilligan emerges from the jungle holding the duck cage with the duck in it. He holds the egg in the other hand. Gilligan hustles over to the dining table and sets the duck cage down.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Skipper, he's a she and he can fly now! I mean, she can fly now!

SKIPPER

Will you calm down, little buddy? What is it you're trying to tell us?

GILLIGAN

I'm trying to tell you Everett's name is Emily. No wonder she couldn't fly in the condition she was in, huh?

Gilligan holds up the egg and the Skipper and Professor are startled, but want to protect the egg. Gilligan drops the egg and it slips through the others' fingers to the ground.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

But Skipper, she can fly, she really can, Skipper. She can.

SKIPPER

Oh, Gilligan.

(to Professor)

Maybe he had something there.

Skipper looks down at the broken egg.

PROFESSOR

Well, let's find out. I'll put the message back on his leg.

GILLIGAN

Her leg.

PROFESSOR

Ah, sorry, Gilligan. Her leg.

SKIPPER

Now maybe we can see if he'll fly.

GILLIGAN

She, Skipper.

SKIPPER

Okay, she.

PROFESSOR

There. All set.

GILLIGAN

Come on, Emily. Watch him go.

SKIPPER

Her, Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

Okay, Emily.... Fly!

The DUCK drops like a stone to the ground.

DUCK

sits on the ground. Gilligan picks up the duck. Gilligan tries again and drops the duck again. The duck drops like a stone.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Fly!

SKIPPER

It's no use, Gilligan. That duck's not going anywhere but in a pot.

GILLIGAN

Come on, Emily, our lives depend on it. Fly!

Gilligan drops the duck and it drops like a stone.

FADE OUT.

END OF ACT ONE

ACT TWO

FADE IN:

EXT. ISLAND BEACH - ESTABLISHING SHOT - NIGHT

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. COMMUNITY HUT - ESTABLISHING SHOT - NIGHT

DISSOLVE TO:

INT./EXT. COMMUNITY HUT - NIGHT

Gilligan sleeps in the upper hammock with the duck sitting on his stomach.

GILLIGAN

Fly.

(pause)

Fly, fly, fly!

Gilligan wakes up from his dream. He turns to the window and sees Mr. Howell peering in through the window.

PAN UP TO THE WINDOW

Mr. Howell smiles and slinks down below the window frame.

PAN DOWN TO GILLIGAN

Gilligan is unnerved by Mr. Howell's appearance and stares straight ahead.

CLOSEUP - WINDOW

Skipper rises and peers through the window. The duck QUACKS. He sees the duck and smiles.

CLOSEUP - GILLIGAN

Gilligan turns and sees the Skipper peering in the window.

CLOSEUP - WINDOW

Skipper sees that Gilligan saw him and slinks down below the window frame.

CLOSEUP - GILLIGAN

Gilligan glances around nervously. He looks to his left and sees Ginger crouched down next to his hammock. Ginger reaches to touch Gilligan's arm, but then retreats. Gilligan holds the duck tighter.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. COMMUNITY HUT

Gilligan sleeps in his hammock with the duck on his chest. He begins to dream.

GILLIGAN

No, no. Won't let you. Won't let you do it. No. You can't have her.

RIPPLE DISSOLVE TO:

DREAM SEQUENCE - EXT. OLD WEST TOWN - ESTABLISHING SHOT - DAY

The old west frontier town street is active with citizens moving about. Horses and horse drawn carriages carry passengers down the street.

EXT. MARSHAL'S OFFICE - ESTABLISHING SHOT - DAY

The Marshal's office sits in the midst of the bustling town. Passersby go about their business.

INT. MARSHAL'S OFFICE - DAY

Gilligan addresses the duck through the bars of a jail cell where the duck is being held for safe keeping.

GILLIGAN

Don't worry, Emily. You'll get a fair trial 'cause I'm here to protect you. They don't call me Marshal Gilligan for nothing.

DUCK

sits in the cage and QUACKS.

EXT. BLACKSMITH SHOP - DAY

The Professor and Mr. Howell emerge from the blacksmith shop. The Professor's clothing is black. His hat is black. Even his boots are black. He is a bad guy. The Professor slaps his hat against his leg. Mr. Howell wears a black leather vest over a sparkly gold shirt. The band on Mr. Howell's hat matches his shirt. Mr. Howell's boots are gold-plated. Both men have revolvers in holsters on their belts. The sign above the shop reads "Blacksmithing Job Work". The Professor puts on his black cowboy hat.

MR HOWELL

Let's go.

They begin walking toward their encounter with Marshal Gilligan.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

Minute I see that Gilligan, I'm gonna fill him full of gold.

The Professor stops and grabs Mr. Howell's arm.

PROFESSOR

Don't you mean lead?

MR HOWELL

A Howell use lead?

(scoffs)

Such a vulgar metal.

Professor and Mr. Howell walk down the street and exit.

INT. MARSHAL'S OFFICE - DAY

Gilligan pulls back the curtain on the window to sneak a look outside. He un-holsters his gun, opens the revolver, and checks the bullets inside. Gilligan re-holsters his gun.

GILLIGAN

They'll never get Emily. Skipper!

SKIPPER

as he puts down a floor mop.

SKIPPER

Yes, sir, Mister Gilligan.

Skipper slightly drags his left leg as he limps over to Gilligan.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

I was just cleaning up the floor back there. Don't know what somebody dragged in there, but you know --

GILLIGAN

Skipper! Little fellow, I'm going out there to stop that lynch mob. You stay here and guard Emily.

SKIPPER

Yes, sir, Mister Gilligan.

As the Skipper turns to leave, Gilligan stops him.

GILLIGAN

Just a minute.

Gilligan removes a knife and fork from the Skipper's back pockets.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

So, can't even trust my own deputy. You were planning on eatin' -- eating the duck yourself, weren't you?

A duck QUACKS.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Well, speak up. You must have something to say for yourself.

SKIPPER

Mister Gilligan, I'm hungry.

GILLIGAN

Haven't you given any thought to that badge?

SKIPPER

Well, now just a minute, Mister Gilligan, I ain't that hungry.

GILLIGAN

Skipper, little fella, turn in your star.

Skipper removes the badge from his uniform and places it, pin first, in Gilligan's open palm. Gilligan winces in pain and puts his palm to his mouth and sucks on the wound.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Don't worry, Emily. I'm here to protect you.

Gilligan puts this palm to his mouth again. Ginger enters. Ginger wears a saloon girl dress.

GINGER

(sultry)

Hi there, Marshal.

Gilligan tips his hat at Ginger.

GILLIGAN

Howdy, Miss Ginger. I was just going out there to fix that lynch mob.

GINGER

(sultry)

That's the spirit, Gilligan. Let's drink to that.

GILLIGAN

Oh, I'm sorry, Miss Ginger, ain't got no time to drink. I got to guard my duck.

GINGER

(sultry)

Just one little drink?

GILLIGAN

Sorry. With us marshals, duty comes first.

Ginger's hand rests on Gilligan's chest.

GINGER

(sultry)

Just a teeny-weeny, little old drink?

GILLIGAN

Well, maybe just one teeny-weeny, little old drink.

PULL BACK

to reveal Ginger's bag, from which Ginger removes an ice bucket, a bottle, and two shot glasses. She gives one shot glass to Gilligan.

GINGER

(sultry)

Just one teeny-weeny, little old drink.

Gilligan's shot glass contains about four times as much liquid as Ginger's shot glass. Gilligan compares the drinks in the glasses.

GILLIGAN

One teeny-weeny, little old drink?

GINGER

(sultry)

Right.

GILLIGAN

I know what you're up to, Miss Ginger. You're gonna get me drunk, steal my key, open up that cell, and cook yourself a roast duck dinner in my office.

GINGER

(sultry)

Just for the two of us, Marshal. We'll have a little candlelight supper. Just you and me and that roast duck.

(pause)

What do you say?

GILLIGAN

I can't.

Gilligan turns and walks toward the jail cell.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

When the mayor pinned this badge on my chest, I made him two sacred promises.

GINGER

What promises?

GILLIGAN

First off, I wouldn't drink when I was on duty.

GINGER

Forget the drink, Marshal.

(sultry)

You don't have to drink to have a good time.

(pause)

What was your second promise?

GILLIGAN

Never to have a good time.

Frustrated, Ginger turns and exits.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

I wish I'd never made that second promise.

Mary Ann enters.

MARY ANN

Mister Gilligan, the lynch mob is coming! The lynch mob!

Gilligan walks over to Mary Ann.

GILLIGAN

I'm ready for them.

Gilligan looks out the window.

EXT. WESTERN STREET - DAY

The Professor and Mr. Howell venture down the street, passing a Carr Bros. land office. As they pass, the door to the office shuts.

INT. MARSHAL'S OFFICE - DAY

Gilligan turns from the window and walks to the jail cell where the duck is held.

GILLIGAN

Emily! Emily, they're coming!

Gilligan gets the duck from the duck cage in the cell.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Come on, girl, let's get out of there.

Gilligan walks back to the door.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

I'm not gonna take any chances with you. If anything happens to me, I know you'll be safe.

(to Mary Ann)

Open the door.

Gilligan tosses the duck outside.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

There you go, girl.

MARY ANN

You can't go through with it!

GILLIGAN

I got to, ma'am. It's my job. I didn't mind when they shot the mayor and burned the schoolhouse and run off the cattle, but when they try to eat my duck, nobody gets away with that!

Gilligan pushes Mary Ann away from the door.

MARY ANN

But think of our future, Gilligan. You might be killed.

GILLIGAN

I'm sorry, Mary Ann. But that duck is bigger than both of us.

Mary Ann turns her back on Gilligan.

MARY ANN

Well, no wonder. The way you've been feeding her.

Gilligan exits and Mary Ann looks out the window.

EXT. WESTERN STREET - DAY

The Professor and Mr. Howell continue to walk down the street toward the Marshal's office.

EXT. MARSHAL'S OFFICE - DAY

REVERSE ANGLE

Mrs. Howell, partially hidden around the side of the Marshal's Office, taps Gilligan on the shoulder with her fan.

BACK TO SCENE

Mrs. Howell grabs Gilligan's shirt by the collar and pulls him around so he stands on the opposite side of her.

MRS HOWELL

Buenos dias, Marshal Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

Howdy, Señora Howell.

MRS HOWELL

Those nasty men are coming down the road. I came over to help you.

GILLIGAN

Help me?

MRS HOWELL

I'm in sympathy with your cause. And I brought you a simply marvelous gun...

From her bag, Mrs. Howell pulls a long-barreled revolver, which she hands to Gilligan.

MRS HOWELL (cont'd)

... with which you can defend your duck.

GILLIGAN

Señora Howell, isn't your husband the leader of the lynch mob?

MRS HOWELL

Yes, I do believe he is.

Gilligan reaches into her bag and pulls out a jar.

GILLIGAN

And what do we have here?

(reads label)

"Mamacita Howell's Famous Duck Gravy."

MRS HOWELL

I always carry a pint of it with me.

EXT. WESTERN STREET - DAY

Professor and Mr. Howell continue walking down the street toward the Marshal's office. A bystander peers out through a curtained window, hiding once he sees the lynch mob has passed. They stop.

PROFESSOR

There he is.

EXT. MARSHAL'S OFFICE - DAY

Gilligan moves into position for the gunfight. He twiddles his fingers to loosen them for the quickdraw.

EXT. WESTERN STREET - DAY

Professor and Mr. Howell assess the situation: it is two against one.

PROFESSOR

Let's go get him.

The Professor and Mr. Howell walk toward Marshal Gilligan.

EXT. MARSHAL'S OFFICE - DAY

Gilligan summons his courage and adjusts his belt. Mary Ann peers out through the bars of the window of the Marshal's Office. Gilligan moves to confront the lynch mob, but his spurs catch on the wood deck. Gilligan flails his arms wildly to keep his balance.

GILLIGAN'S BOOTS

Gilligan tries to regain his balance.

INT./EXT. MARSHAL'S OFFICE - DAY

Mary Ann peers through the bars of the window. She covers her mouth as if to say "Oh, dear."

EXT. WESTERN STREET - DAY

A door closes on an otherwise empty storefront.

EXT. WESTERN STREET - DAY

THEIR LEGS

as Professor and Mr. Howell continue their approach.

EXT. ACROSS THE STREET - DAY

DOLLY IN

on Skipper as he eats an apple while watching the impending gunfight from a rocking chair.

EXT. MARSHAL'S OFFICE - DAY

Gilligan struggles to regain his balance and free his spurs. He nervously looks down at this feet.

EXT. ACROSS THE STREET - DAY

Skipper gleefully watches from the chair and chews the apple.

EXT. WESTERN STREET - DAY

Professor and Mr. Howell continue advancing.

EXT. MARSHAL'S OFFICE - DAY

GILLIGAN'S EMPTY BOOTS

remain standing.

EXT. WESTERN STREET - DAY

PROFESSOR'S AND MR. HOWELL'S LEGS

as they advance on Gilligan.

GILLIGAN'S SOCKED FEET

as he advances on the Professor and Mr. Howell.

PROFESSOR'S AND MR. HOWELL'S LEGS

as they continue their advance. They flex their fingers as they ready themselves to draw their guns on Gilligan.

EXT. ACROSS THE STREET - DAY

Skipper continues to eat the APPLE.

EXT. WESTERN STREET - DAY

Gilligan advances. He passes the Carr Bros. land office.

PROFESSOR'S AND MR. HOWELL'S LEGS

as they walk toward Gilligan.

GILLIGAN (O.S.)

Stop right there!

Professor and Mr. Howell stop in their tracks. Their legs are joined by Gilligan's legs and his socked feet. Gilligan stands just four feet away from the men.

PAN UP

PROFESSOR

We want that duck.

GILLIGAN

That duck is mine.

MR HOWELL

And we're gonna eat him.

PROFESSOR

Come on, Gilligan. Give him up.

GILLIGAN

Never.

MR HOWELL

All right, boys, let him have it.

GILLIGAN

as he stands firm.

PROFESSOR AND MR. HOWELL

The Professor and Mr. Howell fire their guns at point-blank range. Smoke fills the air.

INT. MARSHAL'S OFFICE - DAY

Mary Ann covers her ears to protect them from the noise of gunshots.

EXT. WESTERN STREET - DAY

PROFESSOR AND MR. HOWELL

as they continue to fire a torrent of bullets toward Gilligan. The air is thick with smoke.

EXT. ACROSS THE STREET - DAY

Skipper eats his apple, watching the gunfight.

EXT. WESTERN STREET - DAY

GILLIGAN

stands firm, unhurt by the hail of bullets.

GILLIGAN

Missed me.

GILLIGAN, PROFESSOR, AND MR. HOWELL

Gilligan pulls his own gun on the mob.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Now git!

Professor and Mr. Howell flee.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

That'll teach you to keep away from my duck!

Gilligan re-holsters his gun, but he winces as he does. Mary Ann runs up from behind him with arms outstretched.

MARY ANN

Gilligan, you were wonderful.

Mary Ann bats her eyes at Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

Shucks, t'weren't nothing. Justice has triumphed. Yahoo!

Gilligan fires his guns into the air to celebrate.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Miss Mary Ann, I --

The duck falls from the sky and hits the ground with a THUD.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Oh, no, Emily. Oh, no.

Gilligan cradles the duck decoy he'd used in the lagoon.

END DREAM SEQUENCE.

RIPPLE DISSOLVE TO:

INT. COMMUNITY HUT - NIGHT

Gilligan sleeps with the duck on this chest.

GILLIGAN

No, no, no. No.

Skipper nudges Gilligan. Gilligan stirs.

SKIPPER

Gilligan? Gilligan, wake up, little buddy.

Gilligan grabs a bamboo pole and motions threateningly to hit Skipper with it.

GILLIGAN

No, you can't have her.

SKIPPER

Wake up. You were having a nightmare.

Gilligan drops the bamboo pole.

GILLIGAN

Oh, hi, Skipper. What do you want?

SKIPPER

Little buddy, I came after the duck.

Skipper holds up a hatchet.

GILLIGAN

Oh, no, Skipper. No, Skipper. No.

SKIPPER

Let's face the facts, little buddy. That duck's not going to fly anyplace. And there's no need for the rest of us to be starving. Now I'm sorry, little buddy. I've got to have that duck.

Skipper tries to grab the duck away from Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

No, Skipper. Skipper, if it has to be done, I'd rather do it.

SKIPPER

All right little buddy, but you'll need this.

The Skipper strikes the table with the hatchet so it stays in place.

HATCHET

strikes the table.

BACK TO SCENE

Skipper pats Gilligan on the back and exits.

GILLIGAN

No, I can't do it. Might as well admit I'm a coward. One of us has to be strong.

Gilligan removes the hatchet from the table, reverses it, and places the handle through the bars on the duck cage to keep the blade upright.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

So it's up to you, Emily. When I turn my back, throw yourself on that ax.

Gilligan turns his back and covers his eyes.

FLIP TO:

EXT. CAMP - DAY

The other castaways sit around the dinner table with very glum expressions.

They exchange uncomfortable glances.

SKIPPER

It was the only thing we could do. She ate our food. She wouldn't fly. What good was she to us? We gave her every chance.

Gilligan carries a duck roaster to the dining table.

GILLIGAN

Come and get it!

Gilligan sets the duck roaster down on the dining table.

DUCK ROASTER ON TABLE

BACK TO SCENE

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Well, it may be a little tough, but I know you'll love it. Let's dig in.

An uncomfortable silence falls over the castaways.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Ginger, you want a drumstick or a wing?

GINGER

I think I'd rather have the message.

GILLIGAN

How about you, Skipper? Which part do you like best?

SKIPPER

Oh, please just let the others go first.

GILLIGAN

What's wrong? Oh, you shouldn't feel bad. Emily took it like a man.

Gilligan reaches for the duck roaster.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Well, if nobody's hungry, I'll just take it back to the kitchen.

The castaways hear a loud QUACK. Gilligan is startled that his ruse is revealed. The girls look surprised.

MARY ANN

What was that?

GILLIGAN

I think it was a seagull with a cold.

Skipper stands up.

SKIPPER

Sounds like a duck to me.

Skipper removes the cover on the

DUCK ROASTER

to reveal the duck decoy inside.

GILLIGAN

I'm sorry, Skipper.

SKIPPER

Gilligan!

BACK TO SCENE

Gilligan retreats from the table toward the hut.

GILLIGAN

I tried, Skipper. Honest, I really did. You understand, don't you, Skipper?

Skipper and Professor walk toward Gilligan.

SKIPPER

I couldn't feel better about it, little buddy. Where is she?

GILLIGAN

Oh, she's in the clearing.

SKIPPER

Well, let's go to the clearing.

Professor, Skipper, and Gilligan walk past the hut down the path and exit.

EXT. JUNGLE CLEARING - DAY

DUCK

sits and eats the foliage.

BACK TO SCENE

PROFESSOR

She's eating those poisonous plants.

SKIPPER

We may eat the duck after all.

GILLIGAN

Emily!

Gilligan chases after the duck.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Stop, don't eat those!

Gilligan picks up the duck.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Oh, Emily. Here.

PROFESSOR

I think we're too late. Put her back down on the ground and we'll see.

Gilligan puts the duck back on the ground. The duck QUACKS. Gilligan picks up the duck again.

GILLIGAN

She's okay. She's okay.

PROFESSOR

Then we're saved. Those plants aren't poisonous.

SKIPPER

Hurray, we'll eat tonight. Start picking the plants.

GILLIGAN

You were real brave to eat those plants. You may be a duck, but you sure aren't chicken.

FADE OUT.

END OF ACT TWO

TAG

FADE IN:

EXT. CAMP - DAY

The castaways discuss the duck.

PROFESSOR

Gilligan, I hope you're right.

GILLIGAN

I'm positive. She flew in circles because of the string around her neck. Without it, she flies straight as an arrow.

SKIPPER

Well, okay then, let's let her go.

GILLIGAN

Okay. Emily now, if you get in any trouble, bail out. Ready, set, go!

Gilligan launches the duck into the air. The castaways look up to see the duck flying.

DUCK FLYING

The castaways cheer.

GINGER

Oh, I can almost smell Hollywood and Vine. Whoever gets that message better hurry.

Gilligan stops cheering.

GILLIGAN

Message?

The other castaways stop cheering and glumly exit in their various directions. Gilligan pulls a small piece of paper from his pocket. He holds the paper up, perhaps in hopes that the duck will see it and come back for it.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. GILLIGAN'S ISLAND - ESTABLISHING SHOT - DAY

FADE OUT.

THE END