A special thanks goes out to Ravenclaw for transcribing this strictly from
memory! You can print it out and follow it while watching the episode on
television.
GILLIGAN'S ISLAND "V" for Vitamins By Barney Slater April 14, 1966 TEASER FADE IN EXT – CLEARING – DAY Ginger and Skipper are in the clearing. The Skipper has a tablecloth over his front and Ginger is cutting his hair. SKIPPER Please, Ginger, not too much off the top! Ginger Just a little bit more, Skipper. SKIPPER But I believe you're part Indian...you're trying to scalp me! Ginger You're a sailor. Sailors should have crew cuts. SKIPPER Well I don't mind a crew cut, but you're trying to remove the entire crew! Gilligan comes into the clearing, carrying a large dead log. GINGER All finished! GILLIGAN Got time for me, Sam? GINGER Tomorrow morning at eleven. GILLIGAN Thanks. SKIPPER "Sam?" GINGER Oh, that's the name of his barber back home. Ginger leaves. Gilligan sets down the log in front of the SKIPPER. SKIPPER Gilligan, don't put that there, somebody will trip over it! GILLIGAN Sorry, Baldy. SKIPPER Baldy?! The Skipper picks up a pan that he and Ginger had been using as a mirror and glances at his haircut. SKIPPER Oh, very funny. Groaning, he gets up and promptly trips over the log. GILLIGAN You were right. Somebody tripped over it. Skipper scowls at Gilligan and tries to pick up the log. It refuses to move. GILLIGAN I'll get it for you, Skipper. Gilligan picks up the log with no apparent difficulty. GILLIGAN Here, anything else you want me to do? The Skipper thinks for a minute. SKIPPER Yes Gilligan. Er..., go out and get some more firewood. GILLIGAN Okay. Gilligan heads off into the forest. Again, the Skipper tries to pick up the log, but can't budge it. He continues to try to move the log until the Professor enters the clearing and picks up the log, quite easily. PROFESSOR Ah, that's just what I was looking for! Thanks. The Skipper does a double take, staring at the Professor in disbelief as we… FADE OUT ACT ONE FADE IN INT - PROFESSOR'S HUT - DAY The Skipper and Professor are in the Professor's hut. The Professor is examining the Skipper with a crude stethoscope apparently made out of vine and what appears to be coconut shell. PROFESSOR Cough. The Skipper complies, sounding rather as though he has a serious case of pneumonia. Gilligan bounces perkily into the hut. PROFESSOR Well your heart seems sound enough. Perhaps it's your blood pressure. GILLIGAN Any luck, Professor? PROFESSOR Well, at least we know it isn't his heart or his lungs. GILLIGAN I think it's his haircut. The Skipper sighs exasperatedly. SKIPPER Don't pay any attention to him, Professor. Gilligan sets a bottle down on the table in front of the Skipper. GILLIGAN Skipper this is my hair tonic. Just rub it in your hair three times a day and when your hair gets real long you… SKIPPER Thanks a lot Gilligan, but no thanks. The Professor takes out another crude medical instrument. PROFESSOR Skipper, your blood pressure is VERY high. Skipper (glaring at Gilligan) Well, no wonder, with him around here! PROFESSOR Gilligan, perhaps you'd better leave. GILLIGAN No I want to stay and watch! PROFESSOR Well I'm going to make a blood test. And ah…the sight of blood won't ah…disturb you will it? GILLIGAN Are you kidding, do you think I am chicken? PROFESSOR (TO SKIPPER) Give me your arm. The Professor dips a cotton ball in a bottle of something and starts swabbing the Skipper's arm. He then takes out a needle. Gilligan stares for a second and then leaves the hut, disturbing the peace with a bad impression of a chicken. FADE TO: EXT – HUT - CLEARING The Skipper is doing push-ups. Mr. Howell is reading in a nearby lounge chair. The Professor runs up to the Skipper.. PROFESSOR Skipper! Skipper! I got the results of the tests! SKIPPER And? PROFESSOR I'm afraid it's worse than I thought. SKIPPER Oh, tell me the worst. PROFESSOR The lack of citrus fruits in our diet has caused a severe vitamin deficiency. Vitamin C is completely lacking. MR HOWELL Fortunately, we Howells never use the stuff, we depend on bottled and bond for our strength. PROFESSOR Mr. Howell, this applies to each and every one of us. However, the skipper being the largest… MR HOWELL You mean the fattest. SKIPPER I know what he means Howell! PROFESSOR Gentlemen, gentlemen, there is no time for that! Now without citrus fruits this vitamin deficiency will attack each of us. MR HOWELL Even a Howell? PROFESSOR Yes, even a Howell. It will attack each of us in turn according to his size. MR HOWELL Good heavens, that means I'm the next! PROFESSOR Yes, myself, and then Gilligan. SKIPPER Wha…wha…what about the girls? Will it affect them? PROFESSOR Yes, Mrs. Howell, and Ginger, and then finally Mary Ann. But don't panic gentleman, we're not dead yet. MR HOWELL Well maybe not, but we're definitely headed in that direction! FLIP TO: STOCK SHOT HUT EXTERIOR (Transcripers note: Howell's hut…wrong!) CUT TO: INT – SKIPPER & GILLIGAN'S HUT – NIGHT The Skipper is in his hammock and Gilligan is sitting at the table. SKIPPER Gilligan, I've made a decision. GILLIGAN About what? SKIPPER About the way I've been acting. I mean after all, I am the captain, I'm the Skipper! I should be setting an example for the others. GILLIGAN What are you going to do? SKIPPER What am I going to do? I'll tell you what I'm going to do. Gilligan, I'm going to put up a front. I'm going to be cheerful. I'm going to show them a real man doesn't let a little thing like this bother him. Gilligan nods distractedly and takes out an orange. SKIPPER And oh, little buddy, you're going to be real proud of me and… That's an orange! GILLIGAN I know. I was going to have it for dessert, but I changed my mind. The less I weigh, the longer I live! SKIPPER Gilligan, do you realize that you have my life in the palm of your hand? My LIFE! GILLIGAN No, I don't, I have an orange! SKIPPER Gilligan, where did you get it? Where? GILLIGAN In the jungle. SKIPPER In the jungle! Skipper runs to the door. SKIPPER EVERYBODY...ORANGES IN THE JUNGLE!!! Where in the jungle!? GILLIGAN It's not too far. SKIPPER Well show me Gilligan! GILLIGAN Well this is the last one! SKIPPER The last one? Oh, no! All the other castaways run to the door. MR HOWELL Oranges!? Oranges!? Did someone say oranges!? SKIPPER Oranges? Oranges? Um...I didn't hear anyone say anything about oranges! MRS HOWELL I distinctly heard someone say "Oranges in the jungle!" GINGER So did I! Gilligan holds up the orange. GILLIGAN But this is the last one! Gilligan tries to keep the orange out of reach as everyone tries to grab it. FADE TO: STOCK SHOT GLARING SUN CUT TO: EXT – HUT CLEARING – MORNING The castaways are all sitting at the table. Gilligan comes in and sets the orange down on the table. GILLIGAN I've decided to give everyone a slice. PROFESSOR Gilligan! King Solomon couldn't have done better! SKIPPER It's the only fair thing you could do, little buddy. GINGER I think someone aught to say something? After all, it IS a special occasion. MRS HOWELL Oh, Thurston's awfully good at that sort of thing. Say something appropriate dear. MR HOWELL Anyone care to sell his slice? MARY ANN Mr. Howell! PROFESSOR While it is a noble gesture Gilligan. Unfortunately a single slice won't do us any good. SKIPPER Well I think we aught to vote it to the person who needs it the most...me! GILLIGAN Skipper I wanted to share the orange. SKIPPER Up…but I'm your buddy! MR HOWELL Well you may be his buddy, but I'm a very rich millionaire! PROFESSOR Now just a moment. Lets try to be sensible about this. I mean after all… INSERT: FULL SCREEN GLARING SUN PROFESSOR (O.S) …there's a logical answer to every problem. INSERT: CLOSE UP ORANGE ON TABLE MRS HOWELL (O.S) Oooo…well the logical thing is to give… CUT TO: CLOSE UP MRS HOWELL MRS HOWELL …me the orange. I do so much charity work. SKIPPER Bu…but I'm the one who's sick right now! GINGER But it's ladies first, Skipper! MARY ANN It's women and children first. Therefore I get two votes! GILLIGAN Can I say something? MR HOWELL Gilligan keep quiet will you!? Can't you see we're very busy!? PROFESSOR Please please please! Now let's remember that even though this is a crisis we're all friends. I'm… INSERT: FULL SCREEN GLARING SUN PROFESSOR (O.S.) …sure that each of us has his reason for believing that we deserve… INSERT: CLOSE UP SHRIVLING ORANGE ON TABLE …the orange. MARY ANN (O.S.) I'm a member of the four H! SKIPPER (O.S.) Wa…well I'm a veteran! CUT TO: CLOSE UP GILLIGAN Gilligan is watching the orange slowly shrivel up. GINGER (O.S.) Well, I'm a movie star! MRS HOWELL (O.S.) I'm a member of the… CUT TO: CLOSE UP OF MR AND MRS HOWELL …D A R! MR HOWELL I'm Thurston Howell the Third, anyone care to top that? The castaways continue arguing. GILLIGAN Can I say something now? SKIPPER What is it, Gilligan? GILLIGAN I know how to stop all the arguing. SKIPPER And would you mind telling us how? GILLIGAN Look! CUT TO: CLOSE UP OF SUN SHRIVLED ORANGE ON TABLE FADE OUT ACT TWO FADE IN CLOSE UP OF SUN SHRIVELED ORANGE ON TABLE PROFESSOR Well we have no one to blame but ourselves. Our dissention has led us over the precipice to destruction; our greed has pushed us to the brink of disaster. GILLIGAN And not only that, but the sun shrunk up the orange! SKIPPER Gilligan, he just said that! GILLIGAN Not as plain as me. MARY ANN Oh to think I'll never see Kansas again. GILLIGAN Or California or North Dakota or North…Nebraska or South Carolina or Oklahoma or Texas… SKIPPER Cut that out Gilligan! GINGER Oh I can't believe it. Do I look like I have a vitamin deficiency!? PROFESSOR Ginger, you don't look like you have a deficiency of anything. GINGER Thank you professor. PROFESSOR But you do! We all do! MR HOWELL An orange, an orange, my kingdom for an orange! MRS HOWELL Your kingdom? Oh, really Thurston! MR HOWELL Would you believe half of my kingdom? A third of my kingdom? A little quarter of my kingdom, baby? SKIPPER Oh, Mr. Howell, we're in real trouble with this orange dried up like that! GILLIGAN I might as well give it a decent burial. PROFESSOR Gilligan! That's it! A burial! GILLIGAN I'm not even sick yet! PROFESSOR Oh, not you! The seeds! We'll plant the seeds and grow our own orange trees! MARY ANN What a wonderful idea! And we'll have plenty of oranges! SKIPPER Why didn't we think of that before!? Everything grows form seeds! GILLIGAN Not everything. SKIPPER Yes Gilligan everything. Orange trees grown from orange seeds, Apple trees grow from apple seeds and watermelons grow from watermelon seeds! GILLIGAN Yeah but birds don't grow from bird seeds! Gilligan shrugs and whips out his pocketknife to cut open the orange. FADE TO: MR & MRS HOWELL'S HUT - DAY Mr. and Mrs. Howell sitting at table in their hut, with the orange seeds. MR HOWELL Lovey, Lovey my dear, aren't they just beautiful? MRS HOWELL You must be seeing something I don't see! MR HOWELL No I see thousands of orange trees, springing out of the ground! MRS HOWELL Well, all I see are a lot of nasty pits! MR HOWELL No look beyond the horizon, beyond tomorrow! I see Valencia oranges, mandarin oranges, Navel oranges...we'll be up to our navel in Navels! MRS HOWELL All those from these? MR HOWELL Well it's not quite that easy. First of all we have to plant them. MRS HOWELL Plant them? In the dirt? With our hands? MR HOWELL Well I believe that's the usual way. MRS HOWELL Oh dear then it's not for us. Gilligan appears at the window. GILLIGAN C'mon, everyone's planting their seeds! MR HOWELL Yes, unless we cooperate we'll be going to the great orange grove in the sky. MRS HOWELL OK when we go Thurston we go with clean hands! FLIP TO: EXT – GARDEN CLEARING - DAY Mary Ann, Ginger, Skipper and Gilligan are sitting on the ground. Professor is sitting at a nearby table reading a book. PAN/ZOOM: CLOSE SHOT – MARY ANN & GINGER GINGER Oh let's face it, Mary Ann, I don't know what to do with this! MARY ANN Oh, in Kansas we plant wheat, not citrus fruit. GINGER All I know about oranges is that in Florida people grow them to sell to people in California, who grow them to send to people in Florida. MARY ANN Well, when in doubt, use the farmer's formula: one part sunshine, two parts water and three parts prayer. CUT TO: CLOSE UP – PROFESSOR READING PROFESSOR The scientific approach to the rapid growth of citrus fruits, is assured with the proper amounts of Vitamin D, aqua naturalis, a fertilizer containing sodium chloride, nitrated Potassium and calcium. If this doesn't achieve results, try one part sunshine, two parts water, and three parts prayer. The Professor closes the book, then does a double take and flips back to the section he was reading. CUT TO: PREVIOUS SHOT – CLOSE UP – SKIPPER & GILLIGAN The Skipper is watching Gilligan trying to plant his seeds. Gilligan pokes a hole in the ground with his finger, glances at it and shakes his head. SKIPPER Gilligan, what are you doing? GILLIGAN Skipper I got to make sure I plant the seed in the right place. Gilligan pokes another hole, looks at it and shakes his head. GILLIGAN Nope. Still in the shade. SKIPPER Gilligan, that's not shade, that's your shadow! GILLIGAN Hey, you're right! Skipper rolls his eyes and hands Gilligan a seed. SKIPPER Now here plant that! Gilligan complies, then stares at the ground expectantly. GILLIGAN Well? SKIPPER Well what? GILLIGAN Well, when's the orange tree gonna grow? FADE TO: EXT – GARDEN CLEARING - NIGHT Gilligan is walking through the jungle. He comes to the clearing, where the Professor is sitting wrapped in a blanket and shivering. GILLIGAN I'll take over for you now, Professor. Professor gets up and hands Gilligan the blanket. PROFESSOR Oh this is the coldest night I can remember! Now those tiki-torches must be kept lit. GILLIGAN Right. PROFESSOR Those seeds MUST be kept warm! GILLIGAN Yes sir. PROFESSOR If those seeds die… GILLIGAN Are you trying to tell me something? Professor looks as though he's wishing he had a hat to hit Gilligan with. PROFESSOR Gilligan, if those seeds die, we die! GILLIGAN That's what I was afraid you were trying to tell me... Professor sighs exasperatedly and rolls his eyes. PROFESSOR You stay awake! GILLIGAN Yeah. Professor leaves. Gilligan checks his watch. GILLIGAN Two o'clock and all's well! CUT TO: INT – HOWELL'S HUT - NIGHT MR HOWELL What was that? MRS HOWELL Only Gilligan. GILLIGAN (O.S) Two o'clock and one minute and all's well! MR HOWELL If he crows when the sun comes up, so help me, I'll kill him! Teddy… FADE TO: PREVIOUS SHOT Gilligan is still sitting at table wrapped in a blanket. GILLIGAN Two fifty-eight o'clock, and all's well! CUT TO: INT – MARY ANN & GINGER'S HUT - NIGHT GINGER Does he have to do that? MARY ANN What time is it? CUT TO: PREVIOUS SHOT We see Gilligan checking his watch and cuckoos three times. CUT TO: INT – MARY ANN & GINGER'S HUT – NIGHT GINGER Three o'clock, according to the kook. FADE TO: PREVIOUS SHOT - LATER Gilligan is sitting at table and starting to nod off. We hear the voice of the Professor, echoing and sounding sepulchral. PROFESSOR (Disembodied Voice) Those tiki torches must be kept lit! PROFESSOR (Disembodied Voice) Those orange seeds must be kept warm! GILLIGAN keep warm... PROFESSOR (Disembodied Voice) Gilligan if those seeds die, we die! GILLIGAN Die...die... PROFESSOR (Disembodied Voice) Now you stay awake... PROFESSOR (Disembodied Voice) If those seeds die, we die! Gilligan falls asleep. We see the last tiki torch flicker and die. The screen starts to waver as we… FADE TO: INT – HOWELL'S HUT – DAY Gilligan sitting is asleep in a chair. We hear a loud, trilling voice. MRS HOWELL/MOTHER Gilligan! Gilligan! Gill..oh, THERE you are. Gilligan snaps awake. MOTHER How can you sleep when you know the cupboard is bare and the wolf is at the door? GILLIGAN Wolf? Where? Where? MOTHER At the door. Where is your courage, my son? GILLIGAN I'm sorry, Mother, but lack of vitamins has made me sleepy tired discouraged and cowardly. MOTHER Well there is only one cure for your ailment, my son...oranges! GILLIGAN If we only had some! Mother, what are you doing with your jewel box? MOTHER I have made a decision. Take these emeralds, these diamonds, these rubies to the market, and trade them in for half a dozen oranges. And don't talk to strangers! GILLIGAN Oh yes noble Mother who is sacrificing her jewels! You can trust your trustworthy son! Gilligan salutes and leaves. MOTHER I bet! FADE TO: EXT – JUNGLE - DAY Gilligan is traveling through a jungle with the chest of jewels, and a man standing against a tree. MR HOWELL/STRANGER Hold it there, Tall Dark and Emaciated! Where are you going on this bright and cheery morning? GILLIGAN I'm going to the market to trade this chest of rubies, diamonds and emeralds for oranges. STRANGER Rubies, diamonds and emeralds? The stranger opens the chest and shuts it quickly. STRANGER By George, you're right, gotta get dark glasses. GILLIGAN My mother said I can't talk to strangers. STRANGER Always listen to your mother, son, a boy's best friend is his mother...I had one once. GILLIGAN I must remember that. STRANGER Yes you must remember that. Incidentally, my name is Lester J. Farthingham the Third. GILLIGAN I can't talk to strangers. STRANGER Ever know a stranger named Lester J. Farthingham the Third? GILLIGAN No, sir. STRANGER Then we must be friends! Kind a follows, doesn't it? GILLIGAN I guess so. STRANGER Here let me hold this little… GILLIGAN Oh no I have to trade this chest for oranges! STRANGER I'll tell you what I'm going to do son. I'm going to trade this box of paltry baubles for some of these magic beans! GILLIGAN Magic beans? STRANGER Not so loud, son, a crowd might collect! GILLIGAN Real magic beans? STRANGER Real magic, so magic that you won't have one orange, not a dozen oranges, but a whole veritable orange grove! GILLIGAN Sir, you are the kindest, friendliest man I ever met in my whole life! STRANGER Then it's a trade! GILLIGAN Yes, sir! STRANGER Here you are, run along son you bother me you bother me. Gilligan starts to head back along the jungle path. STRANGER Hold it, boy! Do you have a brother? ILLIGAN No, sir. STRANGER Too bad, like doing business with your family. FLIP TO: INT – HOWELL'S HUT - DAY Gilligan and his Mother are in the hut. MOTHER Beans? But I asked you for oranges! GILLIGAN But mother the man said they're not ordinar… MOTHER I'm going to show you something Gilligan. She pulls a string and a curtain swishes away to reveal an entire wall of shelves filled with bean cans. MOTHER Now look at this! Baked beans, brown beans, soy beans, lima beans, string beans, green beans...and I hate beans! Besides, I asked you for oranges, you silly ridiculous idiotic boy. She throws the beans out the window and leaves. GILLIGAN Sometimes I get the feeling she's disappointed in me. Suddenly, we see a beanstalk growing out side the window. Gilligan turns around and watches its progress as it goes upwards. CUT TO: BEAN STALK GROWING VIEW LOOKING UP CUT TO: EXT – HUT CLEARING – DAY Gilligan has run out the door and starts climbing the beanstalk. CUT TO: EXT - CLOUD CASTLE Gilligan is seen emerging from the mist surrounding the bean stalk. A castle is visible in the distance. Gilligan starts in the direction of the castle. FADE TO: CASTLE DOOR Gilligan arrives at the huge door of the castle. He rings the doorbell, which plays a funeral dirge. A fairy answers the door. MARY ANN/FAIRY You must go away! This is the castle of the mean and cruel giant! GILLIGAN You think I'm afraid of a mean and cruel giant? FAIRY Aren't you? GILLIGAN I don't even care how big he is! Uh...how big is he? FAIRY Oh he's about... She looks up. GILLIGAN Oh sorry I asked! How come the giant's so mean and cruel? FAIRY He's an orange miser. He has a whole treasure room full of oranges! GILLIGAN Oh I must get some for my mother! That would make me proud and pleased and happy. He pushes past the fairy into the castle. FAIRY And dead, if the giant catches you... CUT TO: INT – CASTLE – LARGE CHAIR Gilligan and the fairy spot a huge armchair. GILLIGAN How big did you say that giant was? The fairy looks up again. Gilligan whimpers in terror. The camera turns to reveal crates and crates of oranges. PAN LEFT TO: ORANGE CRATES GILLIGAN My goodness, where'd he get all those oranges? FAIRY From her. CUT TO: THROWN WITH GOOSE CUT TO: PREVIOUS SHOT FAIRY That's the goose that laid the golden oranges. Gilligan starts rubbing his hands together greedily, a gleam in his eye. GILLIGAN Oh if I could get a hold of that goose...she would give me everything! FAIRY Don't be silly. If you steal that goose, you'll be a dead duck! We hear giant footsteps. FAIRY Now run before it's too late! We hear a booming, "Fe, fi, fo, fum!" FAIRY Oh, it's too late! GILLIGAN Where can I hide? Behind the chair? FAIRY No…no…no…no, hide behind there! She points to the wall of orange crates. Gilligan moves off in the direction of the crates PAN TO: ORANGE CRATES Gilligan hides behind them, as the giant comes into view. CUT TO: PREVIOUS SHOT SKIPPER/GIANT Well now, my pretty! What's going on here? FAIRY Not a thing, mean and cruel master. It's been very quiet. GIANT Well, I smell something, and it's not oranges! Fe, fi, fo, fum! FAIRY I don't smell any fe, fi, fo or fum. GIANT Well, I do, and it's coming from over there! The giant heads toward the orange crates. CUT TO: INT – CASTLE – ORANGE CRATES The giant spots Gilligan crouching behind them. GIANT Aha! There you are! Come out from behind there! The giant starts chasing Gilligan around and around the crates. Then, we hear a roar. GILLIGAN What was that?! GIANT A dragon! I must slay him before he tries to steal all my oranges. I'll be back to deal with you later! The giant stomps off. Gilligan darts out from behind the crates. GILLIGAN Come on! We'll grab the goose and go. FAIRY All right. CUT TO: INT – CASTLE - THROWN They run to the throne and Gilligan picks up the goose. Then, they hear a voice. VOICE Help! Help! GILLIGAN What was that! FAIRY Oh, nothing, just this old lady the giant has locked in his dungeon. VOICE Please rescue me! FAIRY Come on hurry! GILLIGAN No! First, I must rescue the old lady in the dungeon. He strides off decisively. FAIRY You heroes are all alike... CUT TO: INT – CASTLE – DUNGEON The voices of an old lady and an old man are screaming for help. Gilligan unlocks the door and yanks it open with a loud creak. PROFESSOR/OLD MAN Young man, we've been locked up in that tired dungeon for thirty years! GILLIGAN Look, we don't have time to discuss a housing problem! OLD LADY How can we ever thank you? GILLIGAN Ah…look, we…we got to run fast, that giant will be back any second! FAIRY Oh come on hurry! GILLIGAN Yeah! OLD LADY OK but first I must reward my rescuer. GILLIGAN Look lady we don't have time! OLD LADY Oh I know I know! I will thank you with a kiss. Gilligan and the fairy look at each other. Gilligan grimaces in distaste and the fairy winces. GILLIGAN A kiss? OLD LADY I knew that would grab you. GILLIGAN Couldn't we just...shake hands? OLD LADY A kiss. GILLIGAN Oh this hero business isn't what it's cracked up to be. FAIRY Go ahead get it over with. GILLIGAN Oh boy. Gilligan closes his eyes and quickly pecks the old lady on the mouth. He recoils and wipes his mouth on his sleeve. We hear a wind-chime sound and the old lady turns into a princess. GILLIGAN My, you're beautiful! Especially for an old hag. GINGER/PRINCESS It was your kiss that did it. I'm really a princess. OLD MAN And I'm really a prince! And I could use a kiss to turn me BACK into a prince! GILLIGAN Forget it, buster. I'm not gonna kiss you. OLD LADY It's not you that can turn him back, it's her! FAIRY Oh the giant's beginning to look better and better every minute! OLD MAN That bad, eh? GILLIGAN Come on I got to get this goose back home to my mother! FAIRY I'd rather kiss the goose. Here goes… The fairy puckers up for a quick kiss on the cheek, but the old man grabs her and kisses her full on the mouth for several seconds. We hear the same magical wind-chime sound, but nothing happens. FAIRY Oh, you're not a prince! OLD MAN No, I'm not, am I? Well don't believe everything you hear, girlie! We hear giant footsteps again, and the "Fe, fi, fo, fum." GILLIGAN Here comes the old fe-fi-fo-fummer again! FAIRY Oh I know a shortcut, follow me! GILLIGAN Yeah! She, the princess, and the old man run off on the shortcut, but Gilligan turns the wrong way and is caught by the giant. GIANT Aha! Trying to steal my goose eh!? Aha! Aha! GILLIGAN Let me go! Let me go! Let go of me! Let me go... hile he's yelling for help, the dream sequence ends. FADE TO: EXT – JUNGLE CLEARING - MORNING The Skipper is shaking Gilligan to wake him up. SKIPPER Gilligan! Wake up! Wake up! GILLIGAN No no let me go! You got me… SKIPPER Will you stop that! It's just the me Gilligan! GILLIGAN Did I fall asleep? SKIPPER Tha…that's not important! GILLIGAN It's not important!? If the tiki-torches wen...they went out, Skipper, That means that we're all gonna die... Gilligan commences to babble like a lunatic until the Skipper shuts him up. PROFESSOR Skipper look! The professor has a bowl of grapefruits and lemons. SKIPPER Look at those Grapefruit! The professor found some grapefruit trees! PROFESSOR Yes and some lemon trees too!! GILLIGAN I knew all about them. PROFESSOR You mean you knew there were citrus fruits in the jungle? GILLIGAN No, not citrus fruits! Just grapefruits and lemons. The Professor throws a lemon up in the air and catches it. PROFESSOR Oh Gilligan, those ARE citrus fruits! GILLIGAN Oh. SKIPPER My goodness, wa…wa…well if he only knew where I could get my hands on a two inch T-bone steak! GILLIGAN I know! SKIPPER You DO? Where? GILLIGAN Back there in Hawaii! We used to park the Minnow right there, bring it in there, that little restaur…ant. The Professor scowls and removes Gilligan's hat. SKIPPER Thank you, Professor. The Skipper hits Gilligan hard on the head with his hat. The Professor, still scowling darkly, replaces Gilligan's hat. FADE OUT EPILOG FADE IN STOCK SHOT OF PALM TREES CUT TO: EXT – CLEARING - DAY Gilligan is standing in front of something. The Skipper comes into view. SKIPPER Gilligan your timing is wrong. GILLIGAN You just don't want me to go into business for myself! SKIPPER It's not that at all! But Gilligan you been out here for five hours and what have you made? GILLIGAN Nothing. SKIPPER Exactly. Now come on let's go fishing. GILLIGAN OK. But it sure would have been a swell business yesterday! SKIPPER Alright come on. The Skipper leaves. Gilligan steps away and we can see the word "Lemonade" painted on a crate, with several crossed-out prices under it. Gilligan quickly kneels down, picks up a piece of chalk and writes "Free" under the crossed-out prices, then runs off. FADE OUT END CREDITS GILLIGAN'S ISLAND "V for Vitamins" Rev. 04/14/66