TEASER

FADE IN:

EXT. JUNGLE - DAY

Skipper wanders through the jungle looking for Gilligan.

SKIPPER

Gilligan!

Skipper walks a few paces and shouts for him.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Gilligan!

Skipper exits.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. ANOTHER PART OF JUNGLE - DAY

Skipper continues to search for Gilligan.

SKIPPER

Gilligan!

Skipper cups his hands into a bullhorn to call for his little buddy.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Oh, Gilligan!

GILLIGAN (O.S.)

Over here, Skipper!

Skipper turns toward Gilligan's voice.

EXT. BATHTUB - DAY

Skipper enters as Gilligan constructs a bathtub. Gilligan sits on the ground while working. Four posts are complete. A back made of bamboo is nearly complete. Two other sides are complete. Gilligan ties reeds around the bamboo. Skipper leans on a tree.

SKIPPER

A million things to do around the hut.

(walks to Gilligan)

Gilligan, what are you doing?

Skipper leans over to look more closely.

GILLIGAN

I'm building a bathtub.

SKIPPER

You're building a bathtub?

GILLIGAN

It's not finished yet.

SKIPPER

Well, thanks a lot for telling me.

GILLIGAN

After I finish it, I got some sticky stuff to spread around so it won't leak.

SKIPPER

You'll pardon my saying so, Gilligan, but isn't this a little big for a bathtub?

GILLIGAN

Not for me. I like a lot of boats in my tub.

SKIPPER

Boats?

Gilligan stands.

GILLIGAN

Yeah, you see, I play war games with the boats. I put the Red Navy on this side and the Yellow Navy on that side. Then I send out a destroyer, ...

SKIPPER AND GILLIGAN

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

... and then I send out a battleship, and then I--

SKIPPER

No, wait a minute, Gilligan. Never, never send ships out without air cover. First you send out an aircraft carrier, then you get all this--

Skipper gives an aside glance.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

How do I get myself caught up in these things?

GILLIGAN

You know, ...

NEW ANGLE

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

... I never play with a submarine in the bathtub. You gotta watch out where you sit.

SKIPPER

An insect BUZZES around.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

I remember one time I had a submarine in the bathtub, and he...

SKIPPER

Gilligan, ...

GILLIGAN'S NECK

Hosts a green insect with large yellow wings.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

... don't move. Don't move a muscle. Freeze!

BACK TO SCENE

Skipper bends down and picks up a palm frond. He strikes at the insect. Gilligan falls down.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Oh, Crane, you all right, little buddy?

Gilligan stands.

GILLIGAN

I was until you belted me. What's the big idea? Just because I sent those ships out without air cover?

SKIPPER

Oh, Gilligan, there was a bug on your neck.

GILLIGAN

A bug?

SKIPPER

Yes, a green bug with big yellow wings.

GILLIGAN

Oh, it sure bit hard.

SKIPPER

Oh, Gilligan, do you think he bit you?

GILLIGAN

I'm not sure. I can't tell whether it hurts because I got bit or I got hit.

SKIPPER

Well, let me see.

GILLIGAN

Ow, ow.

SKIPPER

Gilligan, think. Did he bite you?

GILLIGAN

I don't know.

Skipper briefly grabs his cap, turns, and exits into the jungle.

FADE OUT

END OF TEASER

ACT ONE

FADE IN:

INT. SUPPLY HUT - DAY

Professor sits at a medium-sized table. He has "the World of Insects" open on the table. Skipper stands next to the table.

PROFESSOR

And you're certain that the bug was the deadly mantiscani?

SKIPPER

Oh, I'm positive, Professor. It was a green bug with big yellow wings.

PROFESSOR

But you're not certain whether it bit Gilligan?

SKIPPER OVER PROFESSOR'S SHOULDER

SKIPPER

Well, no. You see, I tried to kill it, and I hit Gilligan. So I don't know whether it was hit or bit or hit and bit at the same time.

PROFESSOR

According to this book, the bite of the mantiscani is generally fatal within twenty-four hours.

SKIPPER

Oh, no. You mean my little buddy only has twenty-four hours to--One more day, tomorrow night he'll be--

PROFESSOR

If he was bitten by the Mantis Connie.

SKIPPER

Oh, Professor, we've got to do something. There's just got to be something we can do.

PROFESSOR

About all we can do is to watch him for symptoms.

SKIPPER

Symptoms?

PROFESSOR

Yes, the classic symptoms are aches and pains in the joints.

SKIPPER

Aches and pains.

PROFESSOR

Complete loss of appetite.

SKIPPER

Complete loss of appetite.

PROFESSOR

And a severe case of itching.

SKIPPER

And a severe case of itching. Oh, well, at least I know what to look for now. Pains in his appetite, loss of the joints, and an ache in his itching. Oh, Professor, I'm so ...

NEW ANGLE

SKIPPER (cont'd)

... upset I don't know what I'm saying.

Professor stands and pats Skipper on the left shoulder.

PROFESSOR

Skipper, you've got to get control of yourself. Try to remember:

(identifies on fingers)

Aches and pains in the joints, loss of appetite, and itching.

SKIPPER

I got it now, Professor. I'm going down to see how he feels right now.

Skipper turns to the door.

EXT. BATHTUB - DAY

Gilligan works on his bathtub on his knees.

GILLIGAN

Wish I had some knee pads.

Gilligan stands, but cradles his knees. He walks over to the tool kit and picks up a hammer. He moves over to the bathtub and kneels again. Gilligan puts his finger through a hole. Then picks up the hammer and inadvertently his his finger.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Ow!

EXT. JUNGLE - DAY

Skipper walks through the jungle, but hears Gilligan cry out.

GILLIGAN (O.S.)

Ow!

SKIPPER

My little buddy.

Skipper exits.

EXT. BATHTUB - DAY

Gilligan holds his hand and hunches over, trying to walk it off. He holds one knee.

GILLIGAN

Ow.

Skipper enters and rushes to his little buddy.

SKIPPER

Gilligan, little buddy, are you all right?

GILLIGAN

Oh, it's my hand. The pain's awful.

SKIPPER

But why are you stooped over like that?

GILLIGAN

My knees ache.

Skipper remembers Professor's symptom statements.

PROFESSOR (V.O.)

(echo filter)

Classic symptoms are aches and pains in the joints.

Skipper helps Gilligan stand up straight.

SKIPPER

Here, little buddy, let me help you. Does that feel better?

GILLIGAN

Yeah, a little.

SKIPPER

Gilligan, how long have you had these aches and pains in your joints?

GILLIGAN

Just a little while.

SKIPPER

Gosh, maybe you better lie down.

GILLIGAN

Why?

SKIPPER

You look kind of tired.

GILLIGAN OVER SKIPPER'S SHOULDER

GILLIGAN

I'm not tired. I just want to finish the bathtub.

GILLIGAN AND SKIPPER

SKIPPER

Oh, forget the bathtub. You can finish that tomorrow or the next day.

GILLIGAN

No, Skipper, I'm going to finish it today...

GILLIGAN OVER SKIPPER'S SHOULDER

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

...if it's the last thing I do.

SKIPPER

Oh, don't say that, little buddy.

GILLIGAN

I want it ready for Saturday night.

GILLIGAN AND SKIPPER

SKIPPER

Well, all right. You keep working. I've got something to tell the Professor.

GILLIGAN

About the bathtub?

SKIPPER

Yes, about the bathtub.

GILLIGAN OVER SKIPPER'S SHOULDER

GILLIGAN

Well, tell him it's going to have hot and cold running water, except for hot.

Gilligan smiles.

SKIPPER

I'll run along now.

GILLIGAN

Skipper, what's the hurry? If there's one thing we have here in the honor more than anything else, it's time.

SKIPPER OVER GILLIGAN'S SHOULDER

Skipper puts his arm around Gilligan.

SKIPPER

That's the spirit, little buddy. Keep fighting.

GILLIGAN AND SKIPPER

Gilligan nods.

GILLIGAN

(puzzled)

Keep fighting?

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. SUPPLY HUT - DAY

Skipper mimics Gilligan. He bends over and fashions his hand into a claw.

SKIPPER

Professor, he's in terrible shape, just terrible. His hand is out like this, and he walks all bent over, like this.

PROFESSOR

Dear, I'm afraid that definitely establishes symptom number one: aches and pains in the joints.

SKIPPER

Oh, Gilligan's got it, hasn't he? My little buddy's a goner. He's a goner.

PROFESSOR

Let's not lose hope, Skipper. After all, we haven't established his loss of appetite yet.

SKIPPER

That's right. I'll go find out about that right now.

Skipper turns and walks toward the door.

PROFESSOR

I wouldn't advise that.

Skipper stops before the door.

SKIPPER

Why not?

Professor walks over to Skipper.

PROFESSOR

Because if you keep running down there all the time, it would look suspicious.

SKIPPER

Oh, you're so right, Professor. Besides, I'd probably go to pieces anyway.

PROFESSOR

Perhaps this is a job the girls can handle.

SKIPPER

That's a good idea. I'll tell them exactly what happened.

PROFESSOR

All right, now be diplomatic, Skipper. Break it to them with tact.

SKIPPER

You can count on me, Professor.

FLIP TO:

EXT. CAMP - DAY

Mary Ann and Ginger sob into handkerchiefs. They stand at the dining table.

MARY ANN

Ah!

GINGER

Ah!

PULL BACK TO INCLUDE SKIPPER

SKIPPER

Mary Ann? Ginger? Ginger? Mary Ann?

SKIPPER

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Come on, girls. It's not hopeless. We don't know that he's got all the symptoms yet.

MARY ANN AND GINGER

GINGER

Oh, Skipper. The last time I saw him, he was so pale and so thin and so pale.

Mary Ann and Ginger sob.

MARY ANN

Ah!

SKIPPER

SKIPPER

Gilligan always looks like that.

BACK TO SCENE

SKIPPER (cont'd)

What kind of pie is this, Mary Ann?

MARY ANN

Coconut cream.

SKIPPER

Boy, that's Gilligan's favorite. I mean, we'll sure find out if he's lost his appetite with that.

Mary Ann hands Skipper the coconut cream pie.

MARY ANN

Well, here. You let us know.

GINGER

Yeah.

Skipper sets the pie on the dining table.

SKIPPER

No, no. The Professor and I talked it over, and we thought it'd be better if one of you took it to him.

MARY ANN

Oh, not me.

SKIPPER

Why not?

MARY ANN

I'll start crying.

Mary Ann sobs.

SKIPPER

Oh, Mary Ann, don't cry. I mean, think of something happy.

MARY ANN

Like what?

SKIPPER

SKIPPER

Like the day we'll get rescued.

MARY ANN AND GINGER

They stop sobbing.

MARY ANN

All right. Gee, that would make me happy.

SKIPPER

nods.

MARY ANN (O.S.)

Being rescued?

MARY ANN AND GINGER

MARY ANN

(cheefully)

Imagine everybody being rescued.

(realizes; sobs)

Oh, except for Gilligan.

Ginger sobs too.

SKIPPER

SKIPPER

Well, Ginger, you're an actress. You take the pie to him.

GINGER

looks up from her handkerchief.

GINGER

I couldn't.

SKIPPER

SKIPPER

Well, I've got an idea. Why don't you both take it to him? It would look so natural. I mean, two girls taking a stroll.

MARY ANN AND GINGER

MARY ANN

Carrying a pie.

GINGER

Oh, who would believe that?

SKIPPER

SKIPPER

Gilligan?

GINGER

GINGER

Anybody else, no. Gilligan, yes.

Ginger nods.

BACK TO SCENE

GINGER (cont'd)

Come on, Mary Ann.

MARY ANN

Okay. We'll let you know how much he eats.

They pick up the pie and exit into the jungle

SKIPPER

Oh, fine, girls. And make it light, and laugh, and make sure that you're having a good time, right?

Skipper gives an aside glance.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Oh, those girls are wonderful. Now we'll find out whether he's lost his appetite or not.

EXT. BATHTUB - DAY

Gilligan lies on the ground with his back to the bathtub. He peels an banana and tosses the banana peel onto a pile of peels behind him.

BANANA PEEL

whizzes by a shiny jungle plant.

FOLLOW TO BANANA PEEL PILE

Dozens of banana peels form a pile on the ground.

BACK TO SCENE

Gilligan eats the banana he peeled. Gilligan stands and turns around to face the bathtub.

GILLIGAN

Hmm. Skipper says his bathtub is too big. Looks kind of skimpy to me.

Gilligan climbs into the bathtub and sits down in it.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Let's see. What about here? Lots of water. Yeah. I wonder if I could float in it.

Gilligan tosses and partially eaten banana away. He lies back in the bathtub and folds his arms across his chest.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Oh, yeah, it's really going to be comfortable.

GINGER AND MARY ANN

enter from the jungle. Mary Ann carries the coconut cream pie. They see Gilligan and infer the worst, so they cry out.

MARY ANN

Ahh!

GILLIGAN

is startled and jumps.

GINGER AND MARY ANN

run toward Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

jumps out of the bathtub.

GILLIGAN

What's wrong? What's wrong?

GINGER

Oh, you scared us.

GILLIGAN

I scared you? Oh, you sneak up behind a guy and you scream. That's what I call scaring a person.

Mary Ann points at the bathtub.

MARY ANN

Oh, what's that?

GILLIGAN

What does it look like?

GINGER AND MARY ANN

GINGER

We know what it looks like.

GILLIGAN

GILLIGAN

Well, that's what it is. A bathtub.

Gilligan turns and looks at the bathtub.

GINGER AND MARY ANN

Mary Ann and Ginger exchange looks.

MARY ANN

A bathtub?

GILLIGAN

turns back to the girls.

GILLIGAN

Yeah, I've got to find some sticky stuff to line it so it won't leak.

GINGER AND MARY ANN

GINGER

We brought you something.

GILLIGAN

GILLIGAN

Oh, sticky stuff?

BACK TO SCENE

MARY ANN

No, a pie.

Mary Ann presents the pie to Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

A pie? Boy, girls don't know anything. You can't line a bathtub with a pie. On your first bath, you'd be covered with crumbs.

MARY ANN

I'll put it here for you to eat.

GILLIGAN

Oh, thank you. I'm not hungry.

GINGER

Oh, you've got to be.

GILLIGAN

GILLIGAN

Oh, I couldn't eat a bite, really.

GINGER AND MARY ANN

MARY ANN

It's coconut cream.

GILLIGAN

GILLIGAN

Oh, that's my favorite.

GINGER AND MARY ANN

GINGER

Eat some, here.

GILLIGAN

GILLIGAN

I'm not hungry.

BACK TO SCENE

MARY ANN

Oh, you just think you're not hungry. Now, here.

Mary Ann hands the pie to Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

I'll eat it later.

GINGER

How much later?

GILLIGAN

I don't know. What difference does that make?

GINGER

The most.

GILLIGAN

Look, girls, I've got to finish this bathtub.

Gilligan turns, walks to the bathtub and climbs into it.

GINGER

Oh, don't do that.

GILLIGAN

Look, I'm just going to measure it for size. That's all.

GINGER AND MARY ANN

sob.

MARY ANN

Oh, not in front of us!

Mary Ann, followed by Ginger, turn and exit into the jungle.

GILLIGAN

accidentally tips the pie and it falls onto the ground. Gilligan looks down.

COCONUT CREAM PIE

lies on the ground.

FLIP TO:

INT. BOYS HUT - DAY

FOLLOW SKIPPER

as Mary Ann, Skipper, and Ginger stand in the boys hut and discuss Gilligan's lack of hunger, the second of the symptoms.

SKIPPER

But, Mary Ann, you mean he wouldn't eat any of it?

MARY ANN

Not a bite.

Skipper turns to Ginger and walks over to her.

SKIPPER

Ginger, what was wrong?

GINGER

No appetite.

SKIPPER

No appetite?

Skipper walks to the middle of the room.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Well, there's only one symptom left. If he's got that, it's going to be curtains.

Skipper removes his cap and places it over his heart.

EXT. JUNGLE - DAY

Mr. Howell and Mrs. Howell stroll through the jungle.

MR HOWELL

Well, we'll just stroll by very casually, you see, and ask him if he itches.

MRS HOWELL

Oh, darling, not such bad manners. One can't go up to a perfect stranger and ask him if he itches.

GILLIGAN

Well, he's not a stranger, and we know that he's far from perfect, my dear.

MRS HOWELL

Yes, well, anyway, I think the whole thing's ridiculous.

They stop walking.

MR HOWELL

Darling, I'd hope to protect you, but I must tell you the truth. Our little friend Gilligan has only twenty-one hours left.

MRS HOWELL

Left for what?

MR. HOWELL OVER MRS. HOWELL'S SHOULDERS

MR HOWELL

Then he goes to that great deserted island in the sky. Only twenty-one hours.

MRS. HOWELL OVER MR. HOWELL'S SHOULDER

MRS HOWELL

Ooh. But doesn't he pick up an hour west of the Rockies?

MR. HOWELL OVER MRS. HOWELL'S SHOULDER

MR HOWELL

Darling, you don't understand. He was bitten by a bug.

MRS. HOWELL OVER MR. HOWELL'S SHOULDER

MRS HOWELL

Darling, that's silly. We've all been bitten. This crazy island's filled with bugs.

MR. HOWELL OVER MRS. HOWELL'S SHOULDER

MR HOWELL

This is the dreaded mondoconi. Or is it the conomondi? A deadly bug with a green body and yellow wings.

BACK TO SCENE

MRS HOWELL

Oh, what a terrible color scheme. No wonder it's deadly.

MR HOWELL

Of course, well, come along. We'll ask him if he itches.

They exit.

EXT. BATHTUB - DAY

PIE

lying on the ground, crust-side up. Many ANTS crawl over the pie. Gilligan's foot lies next to the pie. Ants crawl over Gilligan's shoe, sock, and pant leg. Gilligan's hand scratches at the ants.

GILLIGAN

sits cross-legged next to the bathtub. Next to him is a bucket of "sticky stuff" and a brush. Gilligan scratches his knee. Gilligan stands and carries the bucket and brush to the other side of the bathtub. He puts the bucket inside the bathtub and lays a burlap blanket over the back of the bathtub.

HOWELLS

approach and pause as they see Gilligan.

HOWELLS' POV

Gilligan stands over the bathtub. He scratches his back with both hands.

HOWELLS

They watch Gilligan.

MR HOWELL

He's scratching.

MRS HOWELL

Oh, dear. If one scratches, one itches.

MR HOWELL

Mustn't let on, you know.

Mr. Howell motions for silence.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

Ah, Gilligan, my boy.

HOWELLS' POV

Gilligan stands over the bathtub. He scratches his back with both hands. He turns to greet them.

MR. HOWELL AND MRS. HOWELL

rush to greet Gilligan.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

GILLIGAN

Hi, Mister Howell, Missus Howell.

Mrs. Howell and Mr. Howell join him. Mr. Howell looks at the bathtub.

MR HOWELL

Ah, Gilligan, my boy, how's the bathtub coming?

Gilligan scratches at his sides.

GILLIGAN

It'll be done by tonight.

MRS HOWELL

Oh, Gilligan, I think it's such a thoughtful thing for you to do on your last day.

Mr. Howell places his index finger on his lips.

GILLIGAN

On my what?

MR HOWELL

She means on your fast day.

MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

With no appetite and not eating and aching all over.

MRS. HOWELL

MRS HOWELL

We'll think of you every time we use it.

GILLIGAN

scratches his sides.

GILLIGAN

Thank you, Missus Howell.

MRS. HOWELL

MRS HOWELL

And we think of you every time we itch.

GILLIGAN

GILLIGAN

Missus Howell, you feel all right?

MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

Oh, she feels fine. The main thing is, how do you feel, my boy?

GILLIGAN

GILLIGAN

Tell you the truth, I'm a little tired.

MRS. HOWELL

MRS HOWELL

(to Gilligan)

Tired?

(to Mr. Howell)

Thurston, that's ridiculous. That isn't even one of the symptoms.

BACK TO SCENE

MR HOWELL

Come along, Lovey.

Mr. Howell takes Mrs. Howell's hand.

MRS HOWELL

Yes, but darling, you said that--

MR HOWELL

Never mind what I said.

They exit. Gilligan, looking puzzled, scratches his shoulder and chest.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. BOYS HUT - DAY

The Howells debrief Skipper. Mr. Howell paces. Skipper paces in the opposite direction. Mrs. Howell stands between them.

SKIPPER

My little buddy's got all three symptoms. He's had it, that's all. He's just had it.

Skipper and Mr. Howell switch directions.

MR HOWELL

The only thing we can do is wait.

MRS HOWELL

But there must be something we can do for the poor boy.

They switch directions.

SKIPPER

But what can we do?

MRS HOWELL

We could take him some chicken soup.

SKIPPER

Missus Howell, he was bitten by a deadly bug. Chicken soup won't help.

They switch directions.

MRS HOWELL

Well, it won't hurt.

MR HOWELL

The only thing we can do is never let him know how badly off he really is.

They switch directions.

MRS HOWELL

Maybe we should give him a party. That'll keep him gay and happy.

They switch directions, then stop on either side of Mrs. Howell.

SKIPPER

A party?

MR HOWELL

A splendid idea.

SKIPPER

Yeah, we could give him some presents and things.

MRS HOWELL

Oh, I've got so much to do, so many plans to make. I just love a going-away party.

Mrs. Howell turns, walks to the door, stops, and turns back to them.

MRS HOWELL (cont'd)

Oh, dear, that isn't what I meant at all.

Mrs. Howell turns, opens the door, and exits the hut.

MR HOWELL

We understand.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. CAMP - NIGHT

The castaways sit at the dining table. Mr. Howell, Mrs. Howell, and Skipper sit on one side. Gilligan sits at the head of the table. Ginger, Mary Ann, and Professor sit on the other side. Before Gilligan is a cake with six candles. Various gourds, fruits and cups fill the table. Two torches on poles light the area.

GILLIGAN

Well, I know it's not my birthday, because that's next month, ...

GILLIGAN

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

... and it couldn't be my anniversary because I'm not married.

MR. HOWELL, MRS. HOWELL AND SKIPPER

SKIPPER

Gilligan, we're giving you this party because we like you.

MR HOWELL

Isn't that reason enough?

GILLIGAN

GILLIGAN

I guess so, if you say so.

MR. HOWELL, MRS. HOWELL, AND SKIPPER

MRS HOWELL

We say so.

GINGER, MARY ANN, AND PROFESSOR

MARY ANN

I baked you your favorite cake.

GINGER

We each put a candle on it.

GILLIGAN

GILLIGAN

Well, there's only six, and there's seven of us.

GINGER, MARY ANN, AND PROFESSOR

PROFESSOR

Gilligan, you're the seventh.

GILLIGAN

GILLIGAN

Oh, I still don't understand why you're giving me a party. I mean, look at all the dumb things that I do.

MR. HOWELL, MRS. HOWELL, AND SKIPPER

SKIPPER

Accidents, little buddy, just accidents.

GILLIGAN

GILLIGAN

Well, you sure are very nice people to give me a party just to show you don't mind if I goof.

(smiles)

I really am a lucky guy.

MR. HOWELL, MRS. HOWELL, AND SKIPPER

look very sad.

SKIPPER

You sure are lucky.

GINGER, MARY ANN, AND PROFESSOR

also look very sad.

PROFESSOR

Gilligan, why don't you light the candles?

GILLIGAN

GILLIGAN

Yeah, and then I'll open the presents.

Gilligan reaches down for a match.

BACK TO SCENE

Gilligan lights a match and lights the candles.

SKIPPER

Let's all stand and sing, "For He's a Jolly Good Fellow."

The six castaways stand and raise their cups to Gilligan.

CASTAWAYS

  For he's a jolly good fellow,

GINGER, MARY ANN, AND PROFESSOR

CASTAWAYS (cont'd)

  for he's a jolly good fellow,

Ginger puts down her cup, turns, and exits. Mary Ann turns and exits.

CASTAWAYS (cont'd)

  for he's a jolly good fellow,

MR. HOWELL, MRS. HOWELL AND SKIPPER

Mr. Howell takes Mrs. Howell's arm and they exit.

BACK TO SCENE

SKIPPER

  which nobody can deny,

Professor sets down his cup and exits.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

  which nobody can deny,

Skipper sets down his cup.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

  which nobody can deny.

Skipper turns and exits.

GILLIGAN

finishes lighting the candles. He sits back down and looks for the others.

BACK TO SCENE

ZOOM TO GILLIGAN

as he looks at the empty seats.

FADE OUT

END OF ACT ONE

ACT TWO

FADE IN:

EXT. ESTABLISHING SHOT - DAY

EXT. CAMP - DAY

Mr. Howell and Skipper sit at a medium-sized table.

SKIPPER

Please, Mister Howell, you're the executive type. You tell Gilligan. I don't think I can tell him.

MR HOWELL

I know, but he's your little buddy, as you call him. I can't communicate with him.

PAN TO PROFESSOR

exits the supply hut. He walks over to them.

SKIPPER

I know, but you tell Gilligan.

PROFESSOR

I have some news.

SKIPPER

Good news?

Professor sits down across from them.

PROFESSOR

Well, there's some good news and some bad news.

SKIPPER

What's the good news? We could sure use some.

PROFESSOR

PROFESSOR

There does seem to be an antidote for the bite of the mantiscani.

MR. HOWELL AND SKIPPER

SKIPPER

Hey, that's great, Professor.

MR HOWELL

The bad news?

PROFESSOR

PROFESSOR

We don't have any of the ingredients here on the island.

MR. HOWELL AND SKIPPER

are disappointed.

PROFESSOR

PROFESSOR (cont'd)

However, I have some more news, some good and some bad.

MR. HOWELL AND SKIPPER

SKIPPER

What's the good news?

PROFESSOR

PROFESSOR

It's possible to use substitutes.

MR. HOWELL AND SKIPPER

MR HOWELL

And the bad news?

PROFESSOR

PROFESSOR

I'm not sure we can find all the substitutes.

BACK TO SCENE

Professor unfolds a piece of paper and reads from it.

PROFESSOR (cont'd)

These are the things we'll need. Calcium carbonate, cellulose sulfide, and ferric nitrate.

He hands the paper to Mr. Howell. Mr. Howell looks at the paper.

MR HOWELL

What, do you buy those syllables wholesale?

PROFESSOR

Well, I know it sounds complicated, Mister Howell, but all of these substitutes can be found in relatively common sources. Clamshells, papaya root, mustard plants.

SKIPPER

Oh, well, fine, Professor. We'll get on it right away.

PROFESSOR

Just a minute. There's more news.

MR HOWELL

Good news and bad news.

SKIPPER

What's the good news?

PROFESSOR

PROFESSOR

In twenty-four hours, I can make enough antidote to save Gilligan.

MR. HOWELL AND SKIPPER

Mr. Howell holds up a palm to Skipper.

MR HOWELL

(to Skipper)

My turn.

(to Professor)

The bad news?

PROFESSOR

PROFESSOR

It won't do the rest of us any good.

MR. HOWELL AND SKIPPER

SKIPPER

Well, what difference does that make, Professor? We weren't bitten.

PROFESSOR

PROFESSOR

The mantiscani bug travels in swarms of millions. Chances are, by sundown, we'll all be bitten.

BACK TO SCENE - ZOOM TO MR. HOWELL AND SKIPPER

MR HOWELL

Oh, they wouldn't dare bite a Howell.

(meekly)

Would they?

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. HOWELLS HUT - DAY

Mrs. Howell sits on one of the beds. Mr. Howell hangs a blanket over the curtained door.

MR HOWELL

Lovey, just don't sit there. Stuff some paper under the door.

MRS HOWELL

Darling, we haven't got any paper.

MR HOWELL

We'll use money, and after the danger has passed, we can unfold it.

MRS HOWELL

Shouldn't we be trying to get whatever it is Gilligan needs to be cured?

Mr. Howell affixes the blanket to the doorframe.

MR HOWELL

Well, the first law of human nature is self-preservation, and I intend to be very, very law-abiding.

Mr. Howell tucks the blanket around the bamboo door frame.

MRS HOWELL

Darling, you can't be serious. We must do something to help the poor boy.

He walks over to Mrs. Howell.

MR HOWELL

You're absolutely right. I forgot for a moment that I'm a Howell. And a Howell is never chicken. Pheasant, perhaps, but never, never chicken.

Mr. Howell grasps Mrs. Howell hand and helps her to her feet.

MRS HOWELL

Well, then, let's go help the Professor get the ingredients.

INT. SUPPLY HUT - DAY

Professor stands in front of a two tables loaded with pots, scales, bowls, and various equipment. Professor pours the content of one test tube into another. Gilligan enters.

GILLIGAN

Hi, Professor. Can I help?

Professor sets down one of the test tubes.

PROFESSOR

Oh, thanks, Gilligan, but I think I can manage.

GILLIGAN

Well, how come everybody else is helping?

PROFESSOR

Well, they showed a certain interest in the outcome of this experiment.

Professor pours the content of the test tube into a funnel.

GILLIGAN

Wouldn't I be interested in it?

PROFESSOR OVER GILLIGAN'S SHOULDER

PROFESSOR

Yes, as a matter of fact, it should interest you greatly.

GILLIGAN

Well, what are you trying to make?

PROFESSOR

A serum.

GILLIGAN OVER PROFESSOR'S SHOULDER

GILLIGAN

Syrup? Oh, I love syrup. I love it on toast and pancakes and ice cream.

PROFESSOR

Gilligan, I said serum, not syrup.

GILLIGAN

Is that good on pancakes?

PROFESSOR OVER GILLIGAN'S SHOULDER

PROFESSOR

Gilligan, this is a very important experiment, and I am very, very busy.

GILLIGAN

Well, then you need help.

BACK TO SCENE

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Here, I'll wash this bowl for you.

Gilligan picks a bowl from a stand over a candle. It's HOT so Gilligan drops it on the floor.

PROFESSOR

Gilligan, Gilligan, please don't help me.

Gilligan bends over to pick up the bowl, but presses down on one end of the scale, which causes another bowl to launch like a catapult. Gilligan stands up, and then bends over. He stands up again, knocking over one of the two tables Professor works on.

GILLIGAN

Oops.

PROFESSOR

Oh, wait, Gilligan.

Gilligan stands up straight.

PROFESSOR (cont'd)

All right, all right. I guess I'd better tell you the truth before you destroy my whole laboratory. Now, I am making this syrup--I mean, serum--for someone on the island who is very ill and doesn't even realize it.

GILLIGAN OVER PROFESSOR'S SHOULDER

GILLIGAN

That sounds terrible. Is it somebody I know?

PROFESSOR

Yes, it is, but we must keep it a secret.

GILLIGAN

Give me a hint. You can trust me.

PROFESSOR OVER GILLIGAN'S SHOULDER

PROFESSOR

Gilligan, I can't trust anyone, because if this person ever found out, he or she would be very upset.

GILLIGAN OVER PROFESSOR'S SHOULDER

GILLIGAN

He or she? Don't you know who it is either?

PROFESSOR OVER GILLIGAN'S SHOULDER

PROFESSOR

Of course I know who it is, and I want to cure this ...

GILLIGAN OVER PROFESSOR'S SHOULDER

PROFESSOR (cont'd)

... person.

GILLIGAN

And I want to help. I like every he and every she here on the island.

PROFESSOR OVER GILLIGAN'S SHOULDER

PROFESSOR

Gilligan, please, you go help the skipper with the clamshells.

BACK TO SCENE

GILLIGAN

Okay, Professor. I'll go help the skipper with the clamshells.

Gilligan turns and steps toward the door but stops before going through the door.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

And, Professor, I'll work hard. Just like I was making the serum for myself.

EXT. CLEARING - DAY

SKIPPER

sits on the ground. His head is covered with netting. He wears long sleeves and heavy gloves. He pounds shells into dust between two stones.

GILLIGAN

enters from the jungle and kneels down next to Skipper.

GILLIGAN

Hi, Skipper. You getting ready for Halloween?

SKIPPER

Very funny.

GILLIGAN

Well, how come you got the thing in your face and your arms are covered and you got those fur mittens on?

Gilligan sits cross-legged.

SKIPPER

Never mind, Gilligan. Now we've got to get busy and grind all these clamshells.

GILLIGAN

I sure do wish it was Halloween.

SKIPPER

Why?

GILLIGAN

Because we could have all kinds of fun, Skipper.

GILLIGAN

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

We could go trick-or-treating and scare the girls and bob for apples. You know my friend Skinny Mulligan? He was the best apple bobbler ever. He held the record for keeping his head underwater. Two hours and twenty-six minutes.

SKIPPER

pulls down a section of the netting, exposing his face.

SKIPPER

Gilligan, that's ridiculous. How could Skinny keep his head underwater for two hours and twenty-six minutes?

GILLIGAN

GILLIGAN

He cheated.

SKIPPER

SKIPPER

He cheated?

BACK TO SCENE

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Never mind. Just start sifting that powder.

Gilligan takes the plate that collected the dust and pours it into the sifter.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Professor wants his calcium carbonate right away.

GILLIGAN

Calciate carbo who?

SKIPPER

He's performing a very important experiment.

GILLIGAN

What kind of an experiment?

SKIPPER

Something very scientific, Gilligan. Something you wouldn't understand.

GILLIGAN

Oh.

Skipper gets up on this knees, removes his cap, replaces the netting, and places his cap back on his head.

SKIPPER

In fact, it's one of the most important experiments he's ever done on the island.

An insect BUZZES around. Gilligan looks at Skipper's rear. Skipper feels the bite and cries out!

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Oop!

Gilligan looks at Skipper.

GILLIGAN

Those green bugs sure do bite hard.

SKIPPER

SKIPPER

Don't say that. Green bugs?

GILLIGAN

GILLIGAN

Okay, I won't say it, but they do bite hard.

Gilligan nods.

SKIPPER

SKIPPER

That green bug, did it have big yellow wings?

GILLIGAN

GILLIGAN

Uh-huh. How did you know? Considering where it bit you.

Gilligan looks at Skipper's rear.

BACK TO SCENE

SKIPPER

Little buddy, your big buddy has had it.

Skipper stands.

GILLIGAN

Me too. If the professor wants this junk, let him make it himself.

Gilligan stands.

SKIPPER AND GILLIGAN

Skipper pulls the netting from his face.

SKIPPER

But Gilligan, you don't understand. I've been bitten by the mantisconi. I'm a goner. I only have twenty-four hours to live.

GILLIGAN

Oh, Skipper, that's the worst news I ever heard.

SKIPPER

Oh, but little buddy, you were bitten first yesterday. You only have twelve hours to live.

GILLIGAN

Then that's the worst news I ever heard.

SKIPPER

There's nothing we can do about it.

GILLIGAN

Oh, yes, there is.

SKIPPER

What?

GILLIGAN

Help!

Gilligan turns and runs into Skipper. They run into the jungle.

SKIPPER

Help!

EXT. JUNGLE - DAY

Mary Ann and Ginger walk through the jungle. Mary Ann wears a hat with a large veil, long sleeves and gloves. She carries a wicker basket. Ginger wears long sleeves, gloves, and netting over her head and face.

GINGER

Do you know what we're looking for?

MARY ANN

Of course. We're supposed to find a basket full of ferric nitrate.

GINGER

Ferric nitrate. Sounds like a good name for a cowboy stuff.

MARY ANN

According to the Professor, it's supposed to be found in a papaya root.

GINGER

There's some over there.

Ginger points and they move toward the papaya.

NEW ANGLE

Mary Ann sets the basket down. Both women kneel and they pull on the papaya. An insect BUZZES. They look around for the insect. Ginger grabs her rear!

GINGER (cont'd)

Ah!

Ginger turns to Mary Ann.

GINGER (cont'd)

Mary Ann, was it--?

Mary Ann nods.

MARY ANN

Uh-huh.

GINGER

Did it have a green--?

Mary Ann nods.

GINGER (cont'd)

And big yellow--?

Mary Ann nods.

GINGER (cont'd)

Oh, A lot of good these clothes did.

Ginger looks down at her long sleeves and gloves.

GINGER (cont'd)

Oh, poo. It had a stinger this big.

Ginger holds her index fingers four inches apart. The insect BUZZES and then stops.

MARY ANN

(whispers)

Ginger, where is it?

Ginger points.

GINGER

It's right on your--

Mary Ann feels the sting of the insect bite.

MARY ANN

Ah!

Mary Ann looks at Ginger.

MARY ANN (cont'd)

Oh, oh.

MARY ANN (cont'd)

Professor!

GINGER

Professor!

They stand, turn, and run into the jungle.

MARY ANN

Professor!

EXT. JUNGLE - DAY

Mr. Howell and Mrs. Howell walk through the jungle with netting over their faces, long sleeves, and gloves. Mrs. Howell wears a straw hat and Mr. Howell wears his pith helmet.

MRS HOWELL

I hope those dreadful bugs don't recognize us under these disguises.

MR HOWELL

No sign of the elusive mustard plant.

They come upon two large boulders and a large log.

MRS HOWELL

Let's rest here for a little while.

They step over the log and sit down on it.

MR HOWELL

Yes, darling, but only for a moment. We must press onward to save poor Gilligan.

An insect BUZZES.

MRS HOWELL

I hear something buzzing.

MR HOWELL

Stay close to me, dear. I'll protect you not with one drop of precious Howell blood shall they draw as long as I--Ouch!

Mr. Howell stands up and grabs his rear! Mrs. Howell stands too.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

I've been lanced! The devil saw through my disguise.

MRS HOWELL

Darling, does it hurt?

MR HOWELL

Oh, it hurts! It hurts!

MRS HOWELL

Does it?

MR. HOWELL

lifts the netting over his face.

MR HOWELL

Well, it smarts a little.

He drops the netting.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

Oh, it hurts! Excruciating!

MRS. HOWELL

MRS HOWELL

I must have been bitten by one of the younger set. Mine hardly hurts at all.

MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

Mean one of the little devils got through to you, too?

MRS. HOWELL

MRS HOWELL

Pierced me right under my left shoulder blade.

MR HOWELL

Ah, there must be joy in Bugville. Two Howells in one day!

INT. SUPPLY HUT - DAY

Professor works in his laboratory, scraping the a small bowl with a shell. Skipper, wearing his netting, long sleeves, and fur gloves, and Gilligan enter the doorframe simultaneously. They squeeze through.

GILLIGAN

Hey, Professor, you've got to help Skipper.

SKIPPER

Yes, I'm beginning to see spots before my eyes.

PROFESSOR

Well, no wonder, Skipper. You're looking through Missus Howell's veil.

Gilligan pulls the netting down.

SKIPPER

No, seriously, Professor. I mean, you've got to make this medicine. You've got to finish making it. We've both been bitten.

PROFESSOR

I'm sorry, Skipper, but there is nothing I can do without all the ingredients.

Mr. Howell and Mrs. Howell press through the door, which detaches from its frame. Both of them have raised the netting over their heads.

MR HOWELL

Out of my way! We have reservations. We have been bitten.

SKIPPER AND GILLIGAN

GILLIGAN

Where?

PROFESSOR, MRS. HOWELL, AND MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

Well, east of the sun, west of the moon. What difference does it make? We've got to have some serum.

SKIPPER AND GILLIGAN

GILLIGAN

He doesn't have any serum for us either.

PROFESSOR, MRS. HOWELL, AND MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

My boy, money talks.

SKIPPER AND GILLIGAN

SKIPPER

Mister Howell, we're off the gold standard.

PROFESSOR, MRS. HOWELL, AND MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

You mean?

PROFESSOR

Mister Howell, I'm sorry. I would like to help, but there isn't any serum. I simply don't have all the ingredients.

DOOR

Ginger and Mary Ann walk through the open door. Ginger carries the netting that covered her face.

GINGER

Professor, Mary Ann and I, we've both been bitten.

PULL BACK TO SCENE

PROFESSOR

Well, I'm sorry, girls, but there isn't any serum.

MARY ANN

I'm kind of small. I don't need much.

PROFESSOR

Mary Ann, there isn't any.

SKIPPER

Oh, isn't this amazing? I mean, here we've survived a shipwreck, hurricanes, headhunters, and now we're being done in by a little tiny bug. Professor, I must confess, I don't know what to say.

MRS. HOWELL AND MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

I know exactly what to say.

SKIPPER AND GILLIGAN

GINGER

You do?

MRS. HOWELL AND MR. HOWELL

Mr. Howell removes his pith helmet covered in netting.

MR HOWELL

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here, ...

BACK TO SCENE

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

... none of us were intended, on this island, our last remaining wishes.

The castaways look dejected.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. SUPPLY HUT - DAY

GINGER AND SKIPPER PULL BACK TO SCENE

Gilligan, Mary Ann, Mr. Howell, Mrs. Howell, Ginger, and Skipper sit at a table outside the Supply Hut. They all look sad and wait for the day to end.

GILLIGAN

Hey, Skipper, what time is it?

SKIPPER

It's ten after two.

GILLIGAN

Thanks.

Mr. Howell checks his wristwatch.

MR HOWELL

It's five after two.

Gilligan perks up.

GILLIGAN

Oh, good.

The other castaways look at him incredulously.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Well, it's five extra minutes.

PROFESSOR

exits the Supply Hut with a bug on his arm. He approaches the table they sit around.

PROFESSOR

Well, how are you all feeling?

MR HOWELL

Fine. Don't you hear us laughing and singing?

PROFESSOR

Well, you have good cause for it.

Gilligan quickly stands and moves over to Professor.

GILLIGAN

Professor, on your arm!

Skipper rises too. Gilligan raises his hand to swat the bug. Professor raises his hand to stop Gilligan from swatting it.

PROFESSOR

Careful Gilligan, you'll scare him away.

SKIPPER

What are you trying to get him to bite you?

PROFESSOR

Yes.

MR HOWELL

Well, I've heard of joiners, but this is ridiculous.

PROFESSOR

I know. I'm merely taking the scientific approach to the problem. Now, watch. Skipper, ...

PROFESSOR'S BARE FOREARM

on which sits a large green bug with yellow wings.

PROFESSOR (cont'd)

... is this the same bug that bit you?

PROFESSOR AND SKIPPER

SKIPPER

Why, it certainly is the same bug that bit me and Gilligan.

BACK TO SCENE

Professor shows his forearm to the others.

PROFESSOR

And how about the rest of you? All right, then, watch.

PROFESSOR AND SKIPPER

PROFESSOR (cont'd)

All right, bug, go to it.

Professor blows on his forearm.

PROFESSOR'S BARE FOREARM

The bug moves slightly.

GILLIGAN

GILLIGAN

He bit you.

PROFESSOR AND SKIPPER

PROFESSOR

Yes, Gilligan. I've been bitten a number of times. I put sugar on my arm ...

GILLIGAN, MR. HOWELL, PROFESSOR, MRS. HOWELL, AND SKIPPER

PROFESSOR (cont'd)

... to attract them.

MR HOWELL

Oh, an egg-headed nut to the very end.

PROFESSOR

As I said before, Mister Howell, I'm merely taking the scientific approach to the problem. Let me explain. Now, the mantis family has some seven different species. Each species has its own genus and subgenus. They all look alike, but the lethal variance is enormous.

MRS HOWELL

Oh, that's a marvelous explanation. Whatever it means.

SKIPPER

Professor, what is it you're trying to tell us?

PROFESSOR

What I am trying to tell you, Skipper, ...

PROFESSOR AND SKIPPER

PROFESSOR (cont'd)

... is that this particular branch of the mantis family is not poisonous. Not in the least.

GILLIGAN

GILLIGAN

You mean I'm not gonna die? You mean nobody's gonna die?

BACK TO SCENE

PROFESSOR

Exactly. And I want to tell you, that chapter in the book on the mantis family is absolutely fascinating. I've got to read some more.

Professor turns and re-enters the Supply Hut. The other castaways are ecstatic!

GINGER

We're not gonna die!

SKIPPER

Did you hear what he said? We're all right!

They clap and cheer!

FADE OUT

END OF ACT TWO

TAG

FADE IN:

EXT. BATHTUB - DAY

BATHTUB FILLED WITH WATER

Red and Yellow model ships float on the bath water.

PAN TO GILLIGAN

takes a bath. He makes battle noises.

SKIPPER

enters from the jungle and walks to the bathtub.

PULL BACK TO SCENE

SKIPPER

Hey, this bathtub really holds water, doesn't it?

GILLIGAN

It sure does, Skipper.

GILLIGAN

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

What a battle I got. I've got battleships and destroyers and cruisers--

Gilligan pauses uncomfortably and adjusts himself.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Oops! Forgot the submarine.

A yellow submarine pops up to the surface of the bathwater.

SKIPPER

SKIPPER

Hey, this is gonna be real handy around here on Saturday nights.

An insect BUZZES. Skipper looks around for the bug. He spies it.

GILLIGAN

feels the bug on his neck.

SKIPPER

SKIPPER (cont'd)

(sotto)

Shh, Gilligan. He's right on your neck.

GILLIGAN

GILLIGAN

(whispers)

Is it the same one that bit me yesterday?

SKIPPER

SKIPPER

Yes.

GILLIGAN

The insect BUZZES. Gilligan watches it fly through the air.

BACK TO SCENE

The bug lands with a PLOP.

GILLIGAN

GILLIGAN

Is it?

SKIPPER

SKIPPER

Yes, Gilligan.

(removes his cap)

Exactly twenty-four hours after he bit you.

GILLIGAN

stares at Skipper with his mouth open. He closes his mouth and looks at Skipper.

FADE OUT.

THE END