While the castaways take precautions against a coming typhoon, an accidental blow to the head causes Gilligan's mouth to act as a radio receiver.
“Hi Fi Gilligan”
By
Mary C. McCall Jr.
November 25, 1965
FADE IN:
EXT. LAGOON - DAY
Skipper carries two fruit crates on his shoulders. Gilligan carries one vegetable crate on his head. Gilligan missteps and almost tumbles.
EXT. JUNGLE - DAY
Skipper and Gilligan walk through the jungle. Gilligan carries one vegetable crate on his head. Skipper carries one fruit crate on each shoulder.
GILLIGAN
When, Skipper? Today, tomorrow, the next day?
SKIPPER
I don't know, Gilligan!
GILLIGAN
Guess!
They stop walking. Skipper turns to Gilligan.
SKIPPER
Gilligan, I don't know when the typhoon will hit.
GILLIGAN
I guess Wednesday. Yeah, the typhoon hit the isle on Wednesday.
SKIPPER
All right, Wednesday. Come on!
They exit.
EXT. CAVE - DAY
Gilligan carries one vegetable crate on his head. Skipper carries one fruit crate on each shoulder. They arrive at the cave entrance.
SKIPPER
What makes you think the typhoon will hit on Wednesday?
GILLIGAN
Because bad things happen on Wednesday.
Gilligan puts his crate down on the ground.
SKIPPER
Gilligan, bad things don't happen on just Wednesday. That's ridiculous.
GILLIGAN
No, it isn't. It was on a Wednesday a Fatso Flannagan tore his pants. And it was on a Wednesday that Skinny Mulligan got expelled for giving the teacher an apple.
SKIPPER
Gilligan, you don't get expelled or suspended for giving a teacher an apple.
GILLIGAN
With a worm in it?
SKIPPER
Never mind. Here, get this fruit off my shoulder.
Gilligan takes one of the fruit crates and places it on the ground.
SKIPPER (cont'd)
Well, get it in the cave.
Skipper points to the cave. Gilligan sets the fruit into the cave entrance and crawls to push the crate in further. Skipper removes the remaining fruit crate from his shoulder and carries it ahead of him.
INT. CAVE - DAY
Gilligan moves the vegetable crate close to the back wall of the cave. He turns around and crawls out.
EXT. CAVE - DAY
Gilligan crawls to the cave mouth.
GILLIGAN
And it was on a Wednesday that Bobby McGuire, he had the spare--
SKIPPER
Gilligan, I am not interested. We've got to get these supplies in the cave before the typhoon hits.
GILLIGAN
Hey, when do you think it's going to hit? Tonight, tomorrow, the next day?
SKIPPER
Gilligan, I told you, I don't know.
Skipper pushes the fruit crate to Gilligan, who pulls it into the cave.
INT. CAVE - DAY
Gilligan arranges the fruit crate to make room.
GILLIGAN
Maybe next Monday.
EXT. CAVE - DAY
SKIPPER
Never mind, Gilligan. Just pile the crates.
Skipper swings a crate into the cave.
INT. CAVE - DAY
Gilligan moves toward the cave mouth.
EXT. CAVE - DAY
GILLIGAN (O.S.)
Ow!
INT. CAVE - DAY
Gilligan's face lies squarely in the middle of a fruit crate.
SKIPPER (O.S.)
Buddy, are you all right?
Gilligan moans.
EXT. CAVE - DAY
SKIPPER
Well, then come on out.
INT. CAVE - DAY
SKIPPER (O.S.)
I'll come in and get you.
Skipper removes the fruit crate. Gilligan holds his head in his hand.
EXT. CAVE - DAY
Skipper crawls into the cave mouth and pulls Gilligan out.
SKIPPER
I'm sorry, little buddy. It was strictly an accident.
They stand.
SKIPPER (cont'd)
I didn't hurt you too bad, did I?
Gilligan holds his jaw.
SKIPPER (cont'd)
Try moving your jaw back and forth.
Skipper gently moves Gilligan's jaw from side to side.
SKIPPER (cont'd)
Good. Now try opening your mouth.
Gilligan opens his mouth and MUSIC pours out. They're both surprised. Gilligan closes his mouth and the MUSIC stops. Skipper looks behind Gilligan to see if a radio is there. Gilligan looks around too. Gilligan opens his mouth again and MUSIC pours out. Gilligan closes his mouth and the MUSIC stops. Skipper touches Gilligan's jaw.
SKIPPER (cont'd)
Good.
Gilligan opens his mouth and MUSIC pours out.
GILLIGAN
stands with his mouth agape. He closes and opens his mouth. He smiles at the swirling, energetic MUSIC. He closes his mouth and the music stops. He re-opens his mouth and the MUSIC plays.
FADE OUT
END OF TEASER
ACT ONE
FADE IN:
EXT. CAMP - DAY
Gilligan sits at the dining table. Professor examines Gilligan's jaw. Skipper stands. The radio sits on the table.
SKIPPER
Professor, I don't see how a smack in the jaw could turn him into a radio.
PROFESSOR
He's not a radio, Skipper. He's merely a simple form of receiver. You see, the high frequency sound waves are emanating from the molar which is pushed against--
SKIPPER
Never mind all the technicalities, Professor.
SKIPPER
SKIPPER (cont'd)
The thing I'm getting at is I've been belted many times before, but the only thing that ever came out of my mouth was a loose tooth.
GILLIGAN
smiles.
PROFESSOR (O.S.)
From what I've been able to see, ...
PROFESSOR
PROFESSOR
... one of Gilligan's molars has been jolted out of position and shoved against a tooth with a silver filling.
BACK TO SCENE
PROFESSOR (cont'd)
Open, Gilligan.
Gilligan opens his mouth and a radio broadcast plays.
RADIO (V.O.)
(filtered)
This is station K-A-L-U, Honolulu. The voice of Pineapple--
PROFESSOR
Close.
Gilligan closes his mouth.
PROFESSOR (cont'd)
Not too unusual a situation. It's happened a number of times.
SKIPPER
Yes, but not to Gilligan.
PROFESSOR
Well, the atmospheric conditions, the metal in his mouth, the shape of his skull have all combined to make him a receiver.
SKIPPER
SKIPPER
Is there any chance, Professor, instead of being a receiver, could we make him a sender so he could get a message to Hawaii?
PROFESSOR
PROFESSOR
I'm afraid not, Skipper. And unless I miss my guess, the position of his head and his body will bring in different stations.
BACK TO SCENE
PROFESSOR (cont'd)
Watch. Open up, Gilligan.
Gilligan opens his mouth. ROCK MUSIC plays. Professor turns Gilligan's head and a different radio station plays an advertisement.
RADIO (V.O.)
(filtered)
Solid steel shower head.
GILLIGAN
Professor turns Gilligan's head again and PIANO MUSIC plays. Professor turns Gilligan's head back to center and the ROCK MUSIC plays. Gilligan moves his head to different positions.
RADIO (V.O.) (cont'd)
(filtered)
Again, contact.
RADIO (V.O.) (cont'd)
(filtered)
This is O-L...
Skipper closes Gilligan's mouth.
BACK TO SCENE
SKIPPER
Well, I'll be darned.
PROFESSOR
Gilligan, your tooth may go back into position by itself, or perhaps I'll have to find a non-conductive substance to coat it with.
Gilligan nods.
PROFESSOR (cont'd)
Or maybe I'll pull the tooth.
Gilligan shakes his head.
PROFESSOR (cont'd)
Well, you make the decision.
Gilligan nods.
PROFESSOR (cont'd)
I have to keep checking these weather reports.
Gilligan stands and and walks to the hut door. Professor picks up the radio.
SKIPPER
What's the latest on the typhoon?
PROFESSOR
Still headed this way.
Gilligan turns around and walks back to them.
RADIO (V.O.)
...which is bearing down on the southwest Pacific area is--
Gilligan taps Professor on his shoulder. He opens his mouth and ROCK MUSIC plays.
PROFESSOR
Gilligan, will you close your mouth?
Gilligan closes his mouth.
RADIO (V.O.)
(filtered)
--and there will be hourly reports from this station.
The radio makes a TUNING sound. Professor adjusts the frequency dial on the radio.
PROFESSOR
You are going to have to stay away from this transistor radio, Gilligan. The signals you're emitting are loud enough to cause interference.
SKIPPER
I'll take him over and show the girls. Wouldn't it be wonderful if our little buddy could be turned into a color TV?
Gilligan opens his mouth an ROCK MUSIC plays. Skipper escorts Gilligan away.
VERTICAL FLIP TO:
EXT. EXERCISE TREE - DAY
GILLIGAN
hangs upside down from a tree. MUSIC plays from Gilligan's open mouth.
RADIO (V.O.)
(filtered)
And now, ladies, for our last exercise, stretch ...
MARY ANN, GILLIGAN, AND GINGER
Below Gilligan, Mary Ann and Ginger exercise to the radio program. Both ladies are dressed in leotards and matching tights. Gilligan's hat hangs from a small branch below Gilligan.
RADIO (V.O.) (cont'd)
(filtered)
... back the arms. Stretch out the fingertips. And come on, stretch. Stretch.
Mary Ann and Ginger stretch their arms out from their sides. They stretch out their fingers, too, and wiggle them.
GILLIGAN
moves his head to his left.
RADIO (V.O.) (cont'd)
(filtered)
Then the papa bear said to the baby bear--
MARY ANN, GILLIGAN, AND GINGER
The radio station changes. The women look at Gilligan.
RADIO (V.O.) (cont'd)
(filtered)
The many mothers who have--
Ginger places her hands on her hips. Gilligan closes his mouth.
MARY ANN
Gilligan, stay in one position.
GILLIGAN
moves his head to face the girls and opens his mouth.
RADIO (V.O.)
(filtered)
And that's it for today from Stan the Exercise Man.
MARY ANN, GILLIGAN, AND GINGER
Gilligan climbs down from the tree. He takes his hat from the tree branch and holds it.
MARY ANN
Well, thanks, Gilligan, anyway. We appreciate it. Are you all right?
Gilligan moves his head to various positions. The radio sounds change as he moves his head. To his extreme right, there is no radio station.
GILLIGAN
Yeah, my joy, it's just kind of hard to find a position where there's no station.
Gilligan closes his mouth.
MARY ANN
Oh, you just stay still and rest a while.
GINGER
Don't do anything to tire yourself.
Gilligan shakes his head.
MARY ANN
Oh, gosh, no, we want you to rest up for my favorite soap opera, "Blaze of Noon."
GINGER
Oh, you're not going to waste him on that, are you?
MARY ANN
Waste him? Why, today we find out if Sarah goes to the electric chair, if John needs an operation, and if Penny really is her mother-in-law's daughter.
GINGER
I don't care if she's her mother-in-law's father. I want to hear the Academy Awards.
Mary Ann pats Gilligan on the shoulder, turns, and exits. Ginger follows her and exits. Gilligan sits down and puts his hat on his head. Gilligan opens his mouth and turns his head to several positions to find a radio station program.
RADIO (V.O.)
(distorted)
The clown in his wholesale belt is called a rat.
As Gilligan moves his head, he finds the Goldilocks program again.
RADIO (V.O.) (cont'd)
(filtered)
Then the papa bear said to the Baby Bear, "Who's been eating my porridge?"
Gilligan rests his head on this hands. Gilligan nods and smiles.
RADIO (V.O.) (cont'd)
(filtered)
Then the Mama Bear said, "Who's been sleeping in my bed?" And the baby bear said--
INT. HOWELL HUT - DAY
Mr. Howell paces.
MR HOWELL
Amazing. There must be a way I can make money from that boy's teeth. This could be bigger than a transistor radio. Molar F.M. Bicuspid shortwave. Yes, if there's just a way I could put it into market. Take the teeth, maybe, and box them--
Mrs. Howell enters through the door.
MRS HOWELL
Thurston.
MR HOWELL
Never mind, dear. I'm trying to figure out how to make a buck from teeth. A buck from buckteeth. That's very funny.
MRS HOWELL
I'm sorry, dear. I can't laugh. I'm so miserable. The Professor won't let me listen to the radio.
MR HOWELL
Well, I'm terribly sorry, darling, but I'm on the trail of something very, very important.
MRS HOWELL
But the Professor's wasting his time on a tycoon.
MR HOWELL
No, dear. That's not-- Typhoon. You see, a tycoon, that's a man with money like myself. A typhoon is a big bag of wind.
MRS HOWELL
Thurston.
MR HOWELL
Never mind what you're thinking. No comment.
MRS HOWELL
But it's my favorite program, "The Fashion News.
MR HOWELL
But the Professor's tracking a storm. It's terribly important.
MRS HOWELL
Well, so is "The Fashion News." And today they're deciding on the ten best-dressed women. Oh, I just can't miss that.
MR HOWELL
No, no. Heaven forbid you shouldn't.
MRS HOWELL
Aw, then you will get me the radio.
MR HOWELL
I'll do better than get you a radio. I'll get you a radio station.
MRS HOWELL
Oh, darling, you're always so generous.
MR HOWELL
All we need is Gilligan.
MRS HOWELL
Gilligan? Where's Gilligan?
MR HOWELL
Well, you don't have to look for Gilligan. All you have to do is listen for Gilligan. That's it. Listen carefully.
They exit through the door.
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. CAMP - NIGHT
Skipper and Professor sit at a medium-sized table and listen to the radio.
RADIO (V.O.)
(filtered)
Repeat. One-three-five-west longitude. Three-zero-degrees-south latitude. Moving at seven miles per hour. Stay tuned for complete coverage of the typhoon in one hour.
PROFESSOR
You better conserve the radio, Skipper.
Skipper turns off the radio. Professor stands and moves to a large chalkboard on an easel. On the chalkboard is an isobar diagram of the typhoon and a drawing of the island and lagoon with its outlet to the north.
SKIPPER
Check, professor.
Skipper stands and walks over to the chalkboard next to Professor.
SKIPPER (cont'd)
How does it look to you?
Professor updates his diagram with the data he heard on the radio.
PROFESSOR
I'm afraid it's shifting directly toward us.
SKIPPER
But which side of the island do you think it'll hit first?
PROFESSOR
It's too early to tell. Crucial time should be tomorrow afternoon.
SKIPPER
You want me to spell you?
PROFESSOR
No, you better get some sleep.
Skipper pats Professor on the shoulder.
SKIPPER
All right, I'll take over the first thing in the morning.
Skipper enters the boys hut. Professor sits down at the medium-sized table with the radio. Professor turns a dial.
RADIO (V.O.)
(filtered)
Three-zero degrees...
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. BOYS HUT - DAY
GILLIGAN
sleeps in his hammock with his mouth open. ROCK MUSIC plays from his mouth.
PAN DOWN TO SKIPPER
who opens his eyes. Frustrated, Skipper puts on his cap and rolls out of the lower hammock.
PULL BACK TO SKIPPER
stands over sleeping Gilligan. Skipper closes Gilligan's mouth and the music stops. Gilligan's jaw lowers and the ROCK MUSIC continues. Skipper closes Gilligan's mouth again stopping the music. Gilligan's jaw lowers again and ROCK MUSIC plays. Skipper removes Gilligan's cap and uses it to cover Gilligan's face, which doesn't muffle the music. Skipper removes his own cap and places that on top of Gilligan's cap. The music continues. Frustrated, Skipper removes his cap from Gilligan and replaces it on his head. He rouses Gilligan.
SKIPPER
Gilligan, little buddy, ....
Gilligan closes his mouth and the music stops.
SKIPPER (cont'd)
... you'll have to find yourself someplace else to sleep.
Gilligan rolls out of the upper hammock.
SKIPPER (cont'd)
I've been lying down there for two hours. Now, I hate to do this to you, little buddy,
(tosses blanket over Gilligan's shoulder)
but I'm dead tired. Now, go!
Skipper points to the door. Gilligan opens his mouth and the ROCK MUSIC plays. Skipper closes Gilligan's mouth to stop the music.
SKIPPER (cont'd)
Go!
(points to door)
Go!
Skipper yawns and turns toward Gilligan as he exits. Gilligan exits.
EXT. CAMP - NIGHT
Gilligan exits the boys hut and closes the door. Professor sits at the medium-sized table, sips a beverage through a straw, and listens to the radio. Gilligan lies down with his head on a log and covers himself with a blanket.
RADIO (V.O.)
(filtered)
Forty degrees north longitude. Repeat. The typhoon took a severe easterly turn an hour ago. And has veered toward some uninhabited island southwest of Hawaii.
Gilligan's jaw relaxes and his mouth opens. An OPERA plays. A RADIO TUNING sound also plays.
RADIO (V.O.) (cont'd)
(filtered)
And now, Madame McGorrill will sing the Kleine Kinder Aria from the opera Fliegenstraße. Kleine Kinder Aria from the opera Fliegenstraße.
GILLIGAN
rests against the log. An opera singer hits a high pitch, which hurts Gilligan's ear.
FOLLOW PROFESSOR
The high pitch breaks the glass Professor drank from. He holds a broken base and a straw in his mouth. He turns to look at Gilligan. The RADIO TUNING sound continues. Professor adjusts the dial on the radio. He stands and walks to the sleeping Gilligan. Professor closes Gilligan's jaw.
PROFESSOR
Gilligan, you are jamming the radio. Don't you understand?
Gilligan shakes his head.
PROFESSOR (cont'd)
Well, maybe you better go back in the hut.
Gilligan mimes a large belly, indicating the Skipper. Gilligan's jaw opens and the OPERA MUSIC plays.
PROFESSOR (cont'd)
I see. You're keeping the Skipper awake.
Gilligan nods.
PROFESSOR (cont'd)
Well, listen, I've got to listen to the storm warning, and I've got to find someplace else to sleep.
Gilligan opens his mouth and OPERA MUSIC plays. Professor closes Gilligan's mouth. Professor turns Gilligan around and nudges him to find another place to sleep. Gilligan exits.
EXT. HOWELL HUT - NIGHT
Gilligan walks from behind the Howell hut past their curtained doors. He leans on the hut and slides down to the ground.
GILLIGAN
rests his head against the hut wall. He closes his eyes and his mouth opens. OPERA MUSIC plays.
BACK TO SCENE
Mr. Howell, carrying his teddy bear, emerges from the hut. He looks around for the sound and begins walking. He stumbles onto Gilligan.
MR HOWELL
Gilligan, my boy people are sleeping.
Mr. Howell places his hand over Gilligan's mouth to mute the music. He helps Gilligan to his feet and sends him away.
MR HOWELL (cont'd)
Opera devil, this time of the night. I mean, really.
Mr. Howell yawns and re-enters the hut.
EXT. GIRLS HUT - NIGHT
Gilligan sleepily walks past the girls hut door and sits down under their window. He leans on the hut wall, tips his head, and opens his mouth. OPERA MUSIC plays. Ginger opens the door. She wears an orange blanket. Mary Ann follows her, wearing one of Professor's shirts. She covers her ears.
GINGER
Gilligan.
MARY ANN
Gilligan.
Ginger closes Gilligan's mouth. The music stops.
GINGER
Oh, quiet. We can't even sleep.
Gilligan wakes and stands.
GINGER (cont'd)
Come on now.
Gilligan's mouth opens. OPERA MUSIC plays. Mary Ann shushes him.
MARY ANN
Shh.
Mary Ann closes his mouth and the music stops. They push Gilligan away.
GINGER
Go back to bed.
Mary Ann and Ginger re-enter their hut.
EXT. CAMP - NIGHT
As Professor listens to the radio, he updates his isobar diagram. Gilligan, blanket wrapped around his shoulders, enters the clearing.
RADIO (V.O.)
(filtered)
The typhoon has now crossed the Tropic of Cancer and has veered toward some uninhabited islands southwest of Hawaii.
Gilligan yawns and the OPERA MUSIC plays.
PROFESSOR
Gilligan.
Gilligan trips on the table leg and knocks over the table. The radio tumbles to the ground. Professor sees Gilligan fall and moves to help him.
PROFESSOR (cont'd)
Gilligan.
Professor helps Gilligan to his feet. Gilligan holds the radio.
PROFESSOR (cont'd)
Gilligan. Gilligan, are you all right?
GILLIGAN
Yeah, I'm okay, Professor.
Professor takes the radio from Gilligan's hands.
PROFESSOR
You've got to be more careful. You can't--
Music no longer plays from Gilligan's open mouth.
PROFESSOR (cont'd)
Gilligan, you're cured!
GILLIGAN
Huh? Yeah, I'm not a radio anymore.
PROFESSOR
Well, congratulations.
(looks at radio)
Well, unfortunately, the radio isn't a radio anymore either.
GILLIGAN
Oh, good. We needed some peace and quiet around here.
PROFESSOR
But I can't track the typhoon.
GILLIGAN
Oh, I didn't think of that. Well, maybe it's not coming this way.Is it a big storm, Professor?
STORMY SKY
PROFESSOR (O.S.)
You remember the storm that shipwrecked us?
BACK TO SCENE
GILLIGAN
Yeah, it was the worst one ever.
PROFESSOR
Well, this typhoon will make that look like a spring shower. It could destroy every living thing on the island.
GILLIGAN
Every living thing?
Professor nods.
GILLIGAN (cont'd)
You mean like plants?
Professor nods.
PROFESSOR
Mm-hmm.
GILLIGAN
Animals?
Professor nods.
PROFESSOR
Yes.
GILLIGAN
People?
Professor nods.
PROFESSOR
Yes.
Gilligan holds his hand out to see if any raindrops land.
STORMY SKY WITH LIGHTNING BOLT
FADE OUT
END OF ACT ONE
ACT TWO
FADE IN:
EXT. CAMP - DAY
Professor holds the radio and a pliers. Mr. Howell and Skipper stand with him.
PROFESSOR
Well, I'm sorry, but I just can't fix it.
MR HOWELL
Well, let's not admit defeat. Have another go at it, Professor. Maybe you could tuck that in there and give it a hit.
PROFESSOR
It is no use, Mister Howell. Without those weather reports, we're in real trouble.
SKIPPER
Yes, but from the look of those clouds, ...
STORMY SKY
SKIPPER (O.S.)
... I think that typhoon's gonna hit us about sundown tomorrow and hit hard.
BACK TO SCENE
MR HOWELL
We better head for the cave. Captain, order "abandon island."
SKIPPER
Look, Mister Howell, let's concentrate on the radio, huh?
MR HOWELL
Well, Gilligan broke it. Let him fix it.
PROFESSOR
Gilligan is hardly an electronic wizard.
MR HOWELL
Oh, is that so? Can you turn yourself into a radio?
PROFESSOR
But Gilligan had nothing to do with it. Two of his teeth jammed against each other. It's as simple as that.
SKIPPER
Yes, and it's all because I accidentally bellied him once.
PROFESSOR
That's right, and when he hit the table, it jammed it back into his normal position.
Mr. Howell picks up a medium-sized rock.
MR HOWELL
Well, if we hit him again, do you think he would turn into a radio?
SKIPPER
Mister Howell!
MR HOWELL
Now, wait a minute. It's only a soft rock.
SKIPPER
Drop that rock.
MR HOWELL
Well, a little mayhem may save us all.
SKIPPER
Mister Howell, you can't expect a man to stand still while you bill him with a rock.
MR HOWELL
Well, I don't expect him to stand. Certainly not.
SKIPPER
Well, that's better.
Mr. Howell mimes hitting Gilligan.
MR HOWELL
Well, of course. What you do is you sneak up on him. Then you hit him.
SKIPPER
Mister Howell, will you stop that? A rock for goodness sake.
INT. BOYS HUT - DAY
Gilligan sits at the medium-sized table. He props up his head with his right arm. In front of him is a medium-sized bowl with miscellaneous parts. Skipper enters.
GILLIGAN
Hi, Skipper. Any luck with the radio?
Skipper browses through the parts in the bowl.
SKIPPER
Nope. There's a piece of copper wiring around here somewhere. Maybe that'll help.
GILLIGAN
I did it again. I didn't mean to bust the radio and unbust me, but I did.
Skipper looks in the closet to see if there is anything useful for fixing the radio.
SKIPPER
Well, it was just an accident.
GILLIGAN
Yeah. Skipper, if I was a radio, we wouldn't be in such trouble.
Skipper returns to the table.
SKIPPER
So?
Skipper looks through the parts in the bowl again.
GILLIGAN
I want to be a radio again.
SKIPPER
Well, Gilligan, it's not all that easy to do.
GILLIGAN
Sure it is.
Gilligan stands.
GILLIGAN (cont'd)
I want you to hit me in the mouth as hard as you can.
SKIPPER, OVER GILLIGAN'S SHOULDER
SKIPPER
You what?
GILLIGAN, OVER SKIPPER'S SHOULDER
GILLIGAN
I'm sorry. I can't say it again. I'm chicken.
SKIPPER
Say what?
GILLIGAN
Hit me in the mouth as hard as you can.
SKIPPER, OVER GILLIGAN'S SHOULDER
SKIPPER
Gilligan, little buddy, that's the most noble sacrifice anyone ...
GILLIGAN, OVER SKIPPER'S SHOULDER
SKIPPER (cont'd)
... has ever made.
GILLIGAN
Oh, I haven't made it yet. In fact, I think the chicken in me is coming out.
Gilligan "boks" like a chicken.
BACK TO SCENE
SKIPPER
Come on, Gilligan. Let's go outside.
Skipper grabs Gilligan by the arm and pulls him to the door. Gilligan "boks" like a chicken. Skipper opens the door. Gilligan wraps his arms around the bamboo door frame.
EXT. BOYS HUT - DAY
Gilligan holds onto the bamboo door frame. Skipper pulls him away and they walk into the clearing.
SKIPPER
Never mind that.
FOLLOW SKIPPER AND GILLIGAN
toward Mary Ann.
SKIPPER (cont'd)
Mary Ann, guess what Gilligan's gonna let me do?
MARY ANN
What?
SKIPPER
He's gonna let me belt him in the mouth again so he can turn into a radio.
MARY ANN
Oh, such heroism shouldn't go unrewarded.
Mary Ann kisses Gilligan on the cheek.
MARY ANN (cont'd)
Oh, but I can't watch. Oh, Ginger!
Mary Ann exits.
SKIPPER
Right up against this tree, Gilligan.
They move to a tree. Gilligan places his back at the tree. Skipper aligns Gilligan's jaw. Ginger enters.
GINGER
Gilligan, Mary Ann just told me you're going to save our lives.
GILLIGAN
Yeah, I'm gonna get busted right in the mouth.
GINGER
Oh, I just always knew you had your heart in the right place.
Gilligan points to his mouth.
GILLIGAN
Take a look at my teeth. This is the last time they'll be in right.
Ginger kisses Gilligan on the cheek and then exits.
GILLIGAN (cont'd)
Guess she can't stand the sight of blood either.
(realizes)
Blood?
Skipper lines up his punch. Mrs. Howell enters.
MRS HOWELL
One moment, Captain.
SKIPPER
Oh, please, Mrs. Howell, no more argument now. We've made up our minds.
MRS HOWELL
Oh, I wasn't going to argue. I just want to remember him as he was.
She raises her lorgnette and looks at Gilligan.
MRS HOWELL (cont'd)
Belt him good, Captain.
Gilligan is surprised at her sentiment. Mrs. Howell exits.
SKIPPER
Yes, Missus Howell.
Skipper lines up his punch.
SKIPPER (cont'd)
Are you ready, little buddy?
NEW ANGLE
GILLIGAN
Ready.
Skipper winds up for his punch and then withdraws.
SKIPPER
I'm not.
GILLIGAN
Sure you are.
Skipper points to the sky.
SKIPPER
No, I'm not, Gilligan. The sun is in my eyes.
Gilligan points to the sky.
GILLIGAN
It's not in your eyes. It's in my eyes.
Skipper straightens Gilligan's jaw.
SKIPPER
Well, maybe that's an idea. Why don't you close your eyes?
GILLIGAN
Okay, Skipper.
Gilligan closes his eyes. Skipper tip-toes away. Gilligan opens his eyes and sees Skipper tip-toeing away.
GILLIGAN (cont'd)
Hey, Skipper.
Skipper stops and pivots.
SKIPPER
Yes, Gilligan?
GILLIGAN
Where are you going?
SKIPPER
I was just going to wash my hands.
GILLIGAN
No, you weren't. You were afraid to hit me because I might hit you back. Right, fatso?
Skipper returns angrily.
SKIPPER
Just a minute, Gilligan. That's nothing but muscle,
(taps belly)
and I don't want you to ever forget it.
GILLIGAN
It's all fat, fatso.
Skipper winds up to punch Gilligan.
GILLIGAN (cont'd)
Go ahead, go ahead!
Skipper realizes and lowers his fist.
SKIPPER
Oh, little buddy, I see exactly what you're trying to do. Thank you, thank you. But we've got to go through with this now. All right, line up. Close your eyes.
GILLIGAN
Sure, Skipper.
BACK TO SCENE
Gilligan clenches his eyes. Skipper winds up. Mr. Howell enters. Gilligan opens his eyes and Skipper lowers his fist.
MR HOWELL
Wait a minute, wait a minute. If it's a clean blow, I'll reward you both ears and a tail.
SKIPPER
Oh, thanks, Mister Howell.
Skipper winds up. Gilligan moves toward Mr. Howell.
GILLIGAN
Both and a what?
Skipper hits the tree. The tree falls over. Gilligan turns to see the tree fall. Skipper grabs his fist in pain.
MR HOWELL
Olé!
GILLIGAN
No, it's "Timber!"
FLIP TO:
INT. HOWELL HUT - DAY
Mr. Howell stands on a chair and sets the trap. Mr. Howell steps off the chair. The trap has a glove on one arm and a bag of coins on the other arm. A large "$" adorns the bag.
MR HOWELL
I invented it myself, Lovey. It's devilishly clever. But it's very simple. You see, now, when I shout to Gilligan, he opens the door. This brings us this hand that holds his pointed little head, releasing that heavy bag of coins. Zing, zow! And he is a radio again.
MRS HOWELL
Oh, that's ingenious of you, darling.
MR HOWELL
Well, I always say, if you want something done, you've got to do it yourself.
MRS HOWELL
Is that true, Thurston?
MR HOWELL
I don't know, that's the first thing I've ever done.
MRS HOWELL
Oh, I'm so proud of you, dear.
Mr. Howell walks over to their door and shouts to Gilligan.
MR HOWELL
Stand aside. It is an element of danger. I'll call the little nitwit. Gilligan!
EXT. CAMP - DAY
Gilligan works on a contraption that will allow him to step on a pedal, which activates a lever system, causing a heavy bag to swing and hit himself.
MR HOWELL (O.S.)
Gilligan, come in here!
GILLIGAN
I'm kind of busy, Mister Howell!
INT. HOWELL HUT - DAY
Mr. Howell shouts through the curtains covering their door.
MR HOWELL
When I give an order, men jump. Gross sensible--
Mr. Howell moves away from the door.
MR HOWELL (cont'd)
Gilligan!
Mr. Howell grows impatient.
MR HOWELL (cont'd)
Gilligan!
Mr. Howell walks over to their door.
MR HOWELL (cont'd)
Gilligan!
Mr. Howell swings open the door, the hand on the arm swings into place, releasing the bag of coins, which smack Mr. Howell squarely in the face.
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. CAMP - NIGHT
Gilligan tests his contraption. He presses down on the pedal, which pulls a cord, which swings a lever with a weight meant for his jaw. Gilligan notices his shoe is untied. He sits down on the lever, which causes the cord to be pulled, swinging the weight into Gilligan's head. Gilligan tumbles over. Gilligan grabs his head and stands up. He opens his mouth and the NEWS BROADCAST plays.
RADIO (V.O.)
(filtered)
In a moment, the latest on the typhoon.
Gilligan closes his mouth and then opens it again.
RADIO (V.O.) (cont'd)
(filtered)
The typhoon took a severe easterly turn an hour ago ...
Gilligan exits.
EXT. CAMP - NIGHT
Gilligan runs to the medium-sized table where Skipper, Professor, and Mr. Howell sit.
RADIO (V.O.)
(filtered)
... creating terrible...
SKIPPER
What did you say, Gilligan?
Gilligan points at his mouth.
RADIO (V.O.)
(filtered)
It is now heading due east, moving at seven miles per hour.
They stand.
MR HOWELL
Gilligan's tooth! He's a radio again.
SKIPPER
You did it, little buddy, how'd you do it?
PROFESSOR
Never mind that now! The typhoon is headed straight for us.
MR HOWELL
Well, what should we do?
PROFESSOR
Let's head for the cave.
MR HOWELL
Well, I'll get Lovey.
Mr. Howell exits behind them.
SKIPPER
I'll get the girls.
Skipper exits.
FLIP TO:
EXT. CAVE - NIGHT
Professor, Skipper, Gilligan, Mary Ann, Ginger, Mrs. Howell, and Mr. Howell walk to the cave mouth. They stop.
SKIPPER
All right, now women first.
Mr. Howell pushes through to the front of the line.
MR HOWELL
Yes, yes, women first.
SKIPPER
I said women first.
MR HOWELL
Well, you can't expect ladies to go into a dangerous cave without a man to blaze a trail.
PROFESSOR
Mr. Howell, there's nothing in there but supplies.
SKIPPER
Exactly. Now come on, girls.
Mary Ann, Ginger, and Mrs. Howell enter the cave mouth.
MR HOWELL
Watch it, Lovey, at all times.
SKIPPER
Professor, you next.
MR HOWELL
No, but I have a reserved seat.
PROFESSOR
All right, Mister Howell, you go first.
MR HOWELL
I'll go first. That's right. I'll go first. Watch it, Lovey, I'm coming through, dear.
Mr. Howell crawls into the cave mouth. Professor kneels to crawl after Mr. Howell.
SKIPPER
Come on, Gilligan.
INT. CAVE - NIGHT
Mr. Howell enters the cave. Mary Ann, Mrs. Howell, and Ginger press against the wall.
MR HOWELL
Step to the rear of the bus, please, Lovey.
Mrs. Howell presses against Mary Ann. Mr. Howell stands. There is very little room. Professor pokes his head into the cave.
PROFESSOR
Oh, Mister Howell, the seven of us will never fit in here.
MR HOWELL
Well, perhaps Skipper and Gilligan like the fresh air.
PROFESSOR
I'll just have to take out some of the supplies.
MR HOWELL
Well, what if a typhoon starts?
PROFESSOR
We'll still have to take out the supplies.
MR HOWELL
Take out the supplies. Lovey, would you give me a hand with this?
Mr. Howell reaches for a crate.
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. CAVE - LATER
Mr. Howell stacks a crate of food. Professor stacks another crate of food.
PROFESSOR
Well, that's the last of them.
SKIPPER
That's fine, Professor. All right, girls, in the cave.
Mary Ann, Ginger, and then Mrs. Howell re-enter the cave.
SKIPPER (cont'd)
Quickly. Move fast. Mister Howell, Professor, come on, get in there. In you go, Gilligan.
Gilligan opens his mouth and PIANO music plays. Skipper closes Gilligan's mouth.
SKIPPER (cont'd)
Gilligan, no back talk. Get in the cave.
Skipper pushes Gilligan toward the cave. Gilligan gets down on his hands a knees and crawls into the cave. Skipper kneels down.
INT. CAVE - DAY
Gilligan squeezes between Mr. Howell and Mary Ann. MUSIC plays as Gilligan opens and closes his mouth.
SKIPPER
Can't you get in any farther?
PROFESSOR
The girls are squeezed against the wall now.
GINGER
I'm as flat as I can be.
SKIPPER
Can't you squeeze closer?
MR HOWELL
Perhaps if we all inhale. One, two, three.
They all inhale.
PROFESSOR
It's no use. We're going to have to try another formation. Skipper, can you get out?
SKIPPER
Watch it. Gilligan, would you get off my--?
MRS HOWELL
Oh, Gilligan.
MR HOWELL
Watch out. Don't bruise Missus Howell. I mean after all--
EXT. CAVE - NIGHT
Skipper and Professor emerge from the cave and stand. Mr. Howell squeezes through the cave mouth. He stands with the others. The wind blows steadily.
SKIPPER
That's really a tight squeeze in there, isn't it, Professor?
PROFESSOR
It's just not big enough for all of us.
MR HOWELL
Well, if I went in there first, then you, Professor, then you, Captain.
SKIPPER
Mister Howell, that cave is just not big enough for seven people.
MR HOWELL
Well, perhaps a crash diet. You know, high proteins, no bread, potatoes.
PROFESSOR
One of us is going to have to stay outside and take his chances.
LIGHTNING illuminates the ground.
MR HOWELL
Out here?
MR. HOWELL AND GILLIGAN
MR HOWELL (cont'd)
As the only married man, I'd like to say something. I'd like to say that I'm the only married man.
SKIPPER AND PROFESSOR
SKIPPER
As Skipper around here, I'm going to order everyone back in the cave. I shall stay out here.
MR. HOWELL AND GILLIGAN
Gilligan shakes his head and opens his mouth. ROCK MUSIC plays from his mouth.
PROFESSOR (O.S.)
We haven't got time to decide who's the most ...
SKIPPER AND PROFESSOR
PROFESSOR
... necessary or who's the most heroic.
SKIPPER
I gave an order.
MR. HOWELL AND GILLIGAN
MR HOWELL
Well, I'm willing to obey that order.
SKIPPER AND PROFESSOR
PROFESSOR
All right, we'll draw straws.
Professor exits to find straws.
STORMY SKY
LIGHTNING bolts illuminate the clouds.
BACK TO SCENE
SKIPPER
Typhoon is almost upon us.
MR HOWELL
Must I make a decision immediately?
SKIPPER
Yes, Mister Howell, we must make an immediate decision.
MR HOWELL
Well, I know, but back home, you see, we usually have a board of directors, you understand?
Professor returns with straws.
MR HOWELL (cont'd)
Then we vote, then we all go to the country.
He offers to Gilligan, Mr. Howell, who declines and pushes Professor's hand away, and then to Skipper.
MR HOWELL (cont'd)
And then sometimes the proxies defer.
Professor offers a straw to Mr. Howell again. He declines again and pushes Professor's hand away.
GILLIGAN'S HANDS
Gilligan breaks off the end of the straw, ensuring he has the shortest straw.
MR HOWELL (cont'd)
In that case, in a tie, Lovey, in a--
Professor offers Mr. Howell the last straw.
MR. HOWELL AND GILLIGAN
Mr. Howell looks at his very obviously short straw with dismay. Gilligan shows Mr. Howell his shorter, broken straw.
MR HOWELL (cont'd)
Oh, by George, you're the lucky one, the short one.
Mr. Howell laughs in relief that his straw isn't the shortest one after all.
PROFESSOR AND SKIPPER
SKIPPER
Okay, Mister Howell, back in the cave. Professor.
Mr. Howell and Professor head back to the cave mouth. LIGHTNING brightens the ground. THUNDER quickly follows.
SKIPPER (cont'd)
All right. Oh, buddy, you've hardly got any ballast.
Skipper leads Gilligan to a nearby tree.
SKIPPER (cont'd)
Hang on now, and hang on real tight.
Gilligan opens his mouth and ROCK MUSIC plays. Skipper closes Gilligan's mouth.
SKIPPER (cont'd)
Good luck.
Skipper pats Gilligan on the back, then turns and exits. LIGHTNING lights up everything. Gilligan crouches down by the truck of the tree.
INT. CAVE - NIGHT
Mr. Howell, Professor, Skipper, Ginger, Mary Ann, and Mrs. Howell huddle in the cave.
MRS HOWELL
Thurston, you were so brave to draw straws with the rest of them.
MR HOWELL
You should have seen me. I pushed them all aside and demanded to draw first.
Professor looks at Mr. Howell skeptically. Mrs. Howell takes the straw from Mr. Howell's hand.
MRS HOWELL
Ah, we'll keep this straw and put it in our family scrapbook. After we have it gold-plated, of course.
MR HOWELL
It shall always be a treasured memento.
SKIPPER
Wait a minute. Hold that straw. That's the short straw.
Skipper holds his straw up and Mrs. Howell compares. It is indeed shorter than Skipper's straw.
MR HOWELL
Gilligan's was shorter than mine.
SKIPPER
Everybody hold their positions here. I'm going back out.
Skipper takes his straw back and exits. Mrs. Howell looks at the straw. She's disappointed.
EXT. CAVE - NIGHT
Gilligan sits on the ground by the tree. Skipper emerges from the cave. LIGHTNING brightens the ground. THUNDER follows immediately. Skipper taps Gilligan on the shoulder and startles him.
SKIPPER
Gilligan, little buddy. You had a long straw, and you broke it in half.
Gilligan nods.
SKIPPER (cont'd)
Why? We were all in the up and up. We were all taking the same chance.
Gilligan opens his mouth and ROCK MUSIC plays. Skipper closes Gilligan's mouth. Gilligan points to Skipper and salutes. LIGHTNING. Gilligan coves his head with his arms.
SKIPPER (cont'd)
Okay, I understand. I'm the Skipper, right?
Skipper salutes. Gilligan points at his temple and then mimes using a microscope.
SKIPPER (cont'd)
The Professor? Well, the professor's important to us, too.
Gilligan mimes a wedding ring on his ring finger.
SKIPPER (cont'd)
Oh, and Mister Howell, I know he's married. But what about you? You're important, too.
Gilligan turns away. Gilligan rests his head on his hand.
SKIPPER (cont'd)
Oh, come on. Look at all the important things that you do.
Gilligan looks at Skipper incredulously.
SKIPPER (cont'd)
Well, Gilligan, I mean, once in a while we get into trouble, and you get us into more trouble.
Gilligan nods. He points at Skipper and then points toward the cave mouth.
SKIPPER (cont'd)
No, Gilligan, I know exactly what you're trying to do. But you know why I'm out here?
Gilligan shakes his head.
SKIPPER (cont'd)
I want to hang on to you, little buddy, when that typhoon hits.
LIGHTNING. Skipper puts his arm around the tree and Gilligan. LIGHTNING.
INT. CAVE - NIGHT
Mr. Howell, Professor, Ginger, Mary Ann, and Mrs. Howell stand fairly comfortably in the cave.
MARY ANN
Professor, isn't there any way all seven of us can fit in here?
PROFESSOR
Well, just so many sardines will fit in a can.
Professor crouches down.
GINGER
Where are you going?
PROFESSOR
I, uh, I have claustrophobia.
MR HOWELL
Heavens, I hope it isn't catching.
MARY ANN
Funny he would suddenly remember that.
MR HOWELL
Yes.
EXT. CAVE - NIGHT
The storm approaches. Professor walks out to Gilligan and Skipper huddled around the tree. He kneels down to join them.
SKIPPER
Professor, I order you back in the cave!
Skipper places his other arm around the tree. Professor holds onto the tree.
PROFESSOR
After the storm!
SKIPPER
Look, I'm out here. I'll take care of Gilligan.
PROFESSOR
I know you can, so I'll take care of you.
LIGHTNING. THUNDER.
INT. CAVE - NIGHT
Mr. Howell, Ginger, Mary Ann, and Mrs. Howell stand in the cave.
MR HOWELL
Well, ladies, if, uh, if you'll forgive me.
MRS HOWELL
Oh, Thurston.
MR HOWELL
I must, my dear.
Mr. Howell kisses Mrs. Howell on the cheek.
MRS HOWELL
Oh.
Mrs. Howell sobs. She dries her tears with a handkerchief. Mr. Howell crawls out of the cave.
EXT. CAVE - NIGHT
The wind blows. LIGHTNING. Mr. Howell exits the cave mouth and joins the other men. Mr. Howell grasps the tree.
SKIPPER
Mister Howell!
MR HOWELL
I just stepped out for a breath of fresh air.
PROFESSOR
Mister Howell, why don't you go back in and calm the women?
Mrs. Howell emerges from the cave mouth.
MR HOWELL
Well, it's an interesting experiment. We must explore it sometime, Professor.
MRS HOWELL
Thurston!
MR HOWELL
Oh, oh, my dear! Lovey, a storm is about to hit!
MRS HOWELL
I know, Thurston.
MR HOWELL
But it's a typhoon!
MRS HOWELL
I know, Thurston.
Mary Ann and Ginger emerge from the cave.
MR HOWELL
And you'll be killed!
MRS HOWELL
You mean we will!
Mary Ann crouches down by the tree.
SKIPPER
Really, Missus Howell!
Ginger joins them and stands by the tree.
MR HOWELL
Oh, we will!
SKIPPER
Really, Mrs. Howell!
PROFESSOR
Oh, this is ridiculous!
MARY ANN
That's what I told Ginger!
GINGER
It's kind of windy, isn't it?
PROFESSOR
All right, listen. If we're all going to stay out here, let's see if we can find ourselves some protection.
SKIPPER
The crates! We'll use the crates!
MR HOWELL
Okay! That's it!
The castaways move toward the crates. LIGHTNING. They return to the tree and huddle around it.
LIGHTNING IN CLOUDY SKY
CAVE MOUTH
LIGHTNING strikes the top of the cave. A large boulder topples from the top of the cave, crashing down on the cave entrance.
BACK TO SCENE
MARY ANN
Oh!
CAVE MOUTH
The dust obscures the destruction.
PROFESSOR (O.S.)
It's completely destroyed!
GILLIGAN, SKIPPER, AND PROFESSOR
SKIPPER
Little Buddy, we came out to save you and you saved us.
Professor smiles and pats Gilligan's chest.
FADE OUT
END OF ACT TWO
TAG
FADE IN:
EXT. LAGOON BEACH - DAY
Trees lie on the ground. Debris is scattered all around. Gilligan rakes up debris. Skipper salvages a table and a stool. Professor enters.
PROFESSOR
That electrical storm certainly broke up the typhoon.
GILLIGAN
And fixed my tooth.
Gilligan stops raking.
SKIPPER
Wouldn't Benjamin Franklin have been interested had he been here?
GILLIGAN
Who?
SKIPPER
Benjamin Franklin.
GILLIGAN
I don't remember anyone by that name sailing on the Minnow.
PROFESSOR
He experimented with electricity a hundred and fifty years ago, Gilligan.
GILLIGAN
Oh, there's a lucky thing he wasn't here with us.
SKIPPER
Huh?
GILLIGAN
An old man like that could have never lasted through the storm.
SKIPPER
Gilligan, Benjamin Franklin was--
GILLIGAN
Unless he worked out with dumbbells and took vitamin pills and ate big breakfasts and things like that.
PROFESSOR
Gilligan, Benjamin Franklin is dead.
SKIPPER
Exactly.
GILLIGAN
He's dead? I didn't even know he was sick.
SKIPPER
(to Professor)
What's the use, Professor?
(to Gilligan)
Will you start cleaning up the beach?
Gilligan returns to raking debris.
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. GILLIGAN'S ISLAND - ESTABLISHING SHOT
FADE OUT.
THE END