Gilligan's Island - s2e06 - Quick Before It Sinks

TEASER

FADE IN:

EXT. LAGOON BEACH - DAY

FOLLOW SKIPPER

walking along the upper shore of the lagoon. Gilligan leans over TWO LOBSTER TRAPS. He removes a lobster from one of them. Two small buckets sit next to the lobster traps. Gilligan places a lobster in one of the buckets.

SKIPPER

Well, there you are Gilligan. How come you got up so early?

Gilligan removes a second lobster from the lobster trap.

GILLIGAN

Oh, I wanted to get an early start, catch something nice for dinner, something you like.

GILLIGAN AND SKIPPER

SKIPPER

Ah, the early bird catches the worm, eh?

GILLIGAN

You like worms?

SKIPPER

Of course not.

GILLIGAN

I've got a nice batch of lobsters, but if you like worms--

SKIPPER

Gilligan, that's just an expression, a way of saying something.

GILLIGAN

These are real beauties, real fat, see?

SKIPPER

Yes, aren't they though?

Gilligan hands a lobster to Skipper. Skipper takes the lobster, but its claw grips Skipper's finger. Skipper releases the lobster, but it grips him by the finger. Skipper frees himself and Gilligan takes back the lobster.

GILLIGAN

You can bite him back tonight.

SKIPPER

Thanks a lot, Gilligan.

BACK TO SCENE

Gilligan puts the lobster in one of the buckets and picks up the bucket containing two lobsters.

GILLIGAN

I'd better get these over to the girls.

SKIPPER

Yes, Gilligan.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. LAGOON BEACH

Professor walks along the beach. Skipper holds a lobster.

SKIPPER

Hello, Professor.

PROFESSOR

Skipper.

SKIPPER

Look at the nice lobster that Gilligan got for us for dinner.

PROFESSOR

The condemned will eat a hearty meal.

SKIPPER

"The condemned will eat a hearty..."? What do you mean?

Professor points to his measuring stick in the lagoon.

PROFESSOR

Look.

Skipper places the lobster down in the bucket.

REVERSE ANGLE

A stick pokes out of the lagoon water. Professor points at it.

ZOOM TO STICK

SKIPPER (O.S.)

It's just a piece of wood.

PROFESSOR (O.S.)

It's a measuring stick. I've been using it to mark the highest point ...

BACK TO SCENE

PROFESSOR

... the water's reached on the island. I've been keeping a very careful check.

SKIPPER

grows concerned.

SKIPPER

The stick is almost underwater.

PROFESSOR (O.S.)

Exactly.

PROFESSOR

And since there haven't been any freak tides or storms, there's only one possible conclusion. Our island is sinking into the ocean.

SKIPPER

His mouth is agape.

SKIPPER

No.

STICK

rises only a few inches out of the lagoon water.

FADE OUT

END OF TEASER

ACT ONE

FADE IN:

EXT. ESTABLISHING SHOT - DAY

EXT. GOLF GREEN - DAY

Mr. Howell lines up his putt. Professor holds the flag.

PROFESSOR

I've got to talk to you, Mister Howell. It's important.

MR HOWELL

Not as important as this putt. It's for a birdie.

PROFESSOR

But Mr. Howell--

MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

Please, Professor, you're ruining my concentration. This is the final hole of the Howell one hundred thousand dollar open. Now, if I sink this putt, ...

PROFESSOR

MR HOWELL (O.S.)

... I'll win it.

PROFESSOR

That's what I want to talk to you about, sinking.

MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

Just watch the flag when I putt.

BACK TO SCENE

Mr. Howell putts.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

There you go. Oh, drat it. Drat it, I missed it. Well, that means there'll be a playoff with Missus Howell. Believe in keeping the money in the family, my boy. And now, what did you say about sinking?

PROFESSOR

The island, Mister Howell. It's sinking into the ocean.

MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

Oh, thank heavens. For a minute, I thought I was losing my putting touch. I thought everything... Sinking?

PROFESSOR

Yes, our island will soon be covered with water.

MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

Well, how am I going to break the news to Missus Howell?

PROFESSOR

Well, it's bad news indeed.

BACK TO SCENE

MR HOWELL

It certainly is. She'll be furious. No playoff?

PROFESSOR

I'm telling you, the island's sinking, Mister Howell. If the women know the end is near, they'll panic.

PROFESSOR

PROFESSOR (cont'd)

Mister Howell, we've got to be strong. I'm sure Gilligan won't take this lying down.

FLIP TO:

EXT. CAMP - DAY

Gilligan lies down, unconscious. Skipper throws water on him.

GILLIGAN

Help, I'm drowning. The island's sinking.

Skipper helps Gilligan to his feet.

SKIPPER

You're all right, little buddy. You're all right. You just fainted, and I revived you with a little water.

Skipper smiles.

GILLIGAN

Oh, I'm sorry, Skipper.

SKIPPER

That's all right, little buddy.

GILLIGAN

What are we going to do?

SKIPPER

The first thing we must do is remain calm and cool.

BACK TO SCENE

SKIPPER (cont'd)

You won't get hysterical, will you?

GILLIGAN

Right.

SKIPPER

And you won't panic.

GILLIGAN

Right.

SKIPPER

And you won't be afraid. Wrong.

SKIPPER

stops smiling.

GILLIGAN

Two out of three's not bad, Skipper.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. JUNGLE - DAY

Professor sits on a boulder. Skipper sits next to him on the ground.

SKIPPER

Well, Professor, have you come up with anything yet?

PROFESSOR

I've been racking my brains, but I don't see any way out.

SKIPPER

I told Gilligan to meet us here. I don't know where he is.

GILLIGAN (O.S.)

Here I am, Skipper.

PAN OVER TO BAMBOO STILTS

PAN UP TO GILLIGAN

on the stilts.

SKIPPER (O.S.)

Gilligan, what are you doing? This is no time for games.

Gilligan tries to balance and stay on the stilts.

GILLIGAN

Oh, it's not? It's not a game, Skipper. When the water comes up, we'll walk on stilts.

HIGH ANGLE ON SKIPPER AND PROFESSOR

SKIPPER

Gilligan, that's ridiculous.

BACK TO SCENE

GILLIGAN

And when the water gets higher, we'll build higher stilts. Professor, how high do you have to go before you get a nosebleed?

SKIPPER

Gilligan, you can get a nosebleed right down here, if you know what I mean.

HIGH ANGLE ON SKIPPER AND PROFESSOR

SKIPPER (cont'd)

What a stupid idea.

PROFESSOR

Wait a minute. Maybe it's not so stupid.

GILLIGAN

See?

PROFESSOR (O.S.)

Gilligan's idea is ...

HIGH ANGLE ON SKIPPER AND PROFESSOR

PROFESSOR

... to stay higher than the water. And that's our best solution.

Skipper stands.

SKIPPER

You mean we're going to all be on stilts?

PROFESSOR

No, no, no, no. We find the highest ground on the island and build a new hut. That should keep us safe as long as possible.

SKIPPER

Good thinking, Professor.

PROFESSOR

Well, Gilligan should get the credit.

GILLIGAN

PROFESSOR (O.S.)

And by the way, you'd better get down up there before the women see you and get suspicious.

SKIPPER (O.S.)

I'll help you ...

BACK TO SCENE

SKIPPER

... Gilligan.

Mrs. Howell enters.

MRS HOWELL

Oh, there you are. I've been looking for you everywhere. Oh, Gilligan, what on earth are you doing up on those stilts?

GILLIGAN

Stilts?

GILLIGAN

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

What stilts?

(looks down)

Oh, these stilts.

HIGH ANGLE ON SKIPPER, PROFESSOR, AND MRS. HOWELL

SKIPPER

Stilts? Well, I tell you, Mrs. Howell, Gilligan has found a new way to pick coconuts. Haven't you, Gilligan?

GILLIGAN

Oh, yeah, it's a great way. It gets me real close to them.

HIGH ANGLE ON SKIPPER, PROFESSOR, AND MRS. HOWELL

SKIPPER

All right, Gilligan. Run along and start picking some coconuts.

BACK TO SCENE

Gilligan walks on the stilts, and turns.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Easy now. Easy.

PROFESSOR

Careful, Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

as he walks on the stilts.

PROFESSOR (O.S.)

Ground is soft over there.

BAMBOO STILTS

move across the soft ground. One of the stilts sinks into the soil.

GILLIGAN

partially loses his balance.

GILLIGAN

Oh, yeah.

Gilligan swings forward.

BAMBOO STILTS

swing forward and then backward.

GILLIGAN (O.S.)

Whoa.

BACK TO SCENE

Gilligan swings backward.

GILLIGAN

Whoa.

Gilligan swings to a neutral position on the stilts and then continues forward. He swings backward again.

HIGH ANGLE ON SKIPPER, PROFESSOR, AND MRS. HOWELL

SKIPPER

Hang on, Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

swings backward on the stilts. Gilligan raises one foot in the air.

HIGH ANGLE ON SKIPPER, PROFESSOR, AND MRS. HOWELL

BAMBOO STILTS

swing alternately, without Gilligan standing on them.

SKIPPER (O.S.)

Gilligan!

GILLIGAN

rolls backward and lies on his back. A coconut falls onto him and he catches it.

GILLIGAN

I got one.

SKIPPER, PROFESSOR, AND MRS. HOWELL

rush to his aid.

GILLIGAN

lies on his back with the coconut under one arm.

SKIPPER

Little buddy, did you hurt yourself?

Skipper and Professor help him to his feet.

MRS HOWELL

Oh, it seems like quite a lot of work to go do for one little coconut.

GILLIGAN

I'm okay, I guess.

MRS HOWELL

Well, that's good, because we need every available man.

PROFESSOR

Every available man?

MRS. HOWELL

MRS HOWELL

Yes, we want you men to landscape all the area outside the huts.

SKIPPER, GILLIGAN AND PROFESSOR

Gilligan drops the coconut on Skipper's foot and he exclaims.

PROFESSOR

Now?

MRS HOWELL (O.S.)

Immediately.

MRS HOWELL

We girls are going to beautify the place, because we may have to stay here for a long, long time.

SKIPPER, GILLIGAN AND PROFESSOR

GILLIGAN

But we're not going to--

Skipper covers Gilligan's mouth with his hand.

MRS. HOWELL

MRS HOWELL

Not what?

SKIPPER, GILLIGAN AND PROFESSOR

SKIPPER

Not--We're not against the idea, Missus Howell. I mean, that's the very idea we were thinking of, wasn't it, Professor?

PROFESSOR

Absolutely.

MRS. HOWELL

MRS HOWELL

Good.

SKIPPER, GILLIGAN AND PROFESSOR

SKIPPER

Wasn't it, Gilligan?

GILLIGAN

That's right. That's just what we were thinking.

SKIPPER

Good boy.

Skipper pats Gilligan on the shoulder.

GILLIGAN

You see, I didn't tell her about the--

Skipper covers Gilligan's mouth with his hand.

MRS. HOWELL

blinks.

SKIPPER, GILLIGAN AND PROFESSOR

Skipper still covers Gilligan's mouth as he and Professor walk Gilligan away from Mrs. Howell.

EXT. CAMP - DAY

On the ground is a ring rock garden about 6 feet in diameter. Professor lugs a large rock to place in the rock garden. Ginger supervises.

GINGER

Boy, that's a big one, Professor.

PROFESSOR

Well, thank you, Ginger. But believe me, the last thing this island needs right now is a rock garden.

Ginger moves close to Professor and runs her fingers through his hair.

GINGER

But you will get me some more, won't you, Professor?

PUSH IN

PROFESSOR

Well, just how many more do you think you're going to need?

GINGER

Oh, I don't know, about twenty or ...

PROFESSOR AND GINGER

GINGER (cont'd)

... thirty

(kisses Professor on the nose)

or forty. I don't know.

BACK TO SCENE

Professor grunts and lowers the large rock to the ground with a THUMP. He practically collapses on top of the rock. Ginger smiles. Professor stands up, but remains hunched over. As he walks away, he places his right arm over the small of his back to ease the back pain.

EXT. LAGOON BEACH - DAY

Skipper holds onto a makeshift plow.

SKIPPER

Can't you go any faster?

PULL BACK TO REVEAL

Gilligan pulling the plow.

GILLIGAN

I'm doing the best I can.

Gilligan stops pulling the plow.

SKIPPER

Well, you'll have to do better, Gilligan.

SKIPPER

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Remember, we've got to start working that new hut as soon as possible.

GILLIGAN

Well, when are we going to change positions? I've been up in front for over an hour.

SKIPPER

We're doing all right.

GILLIGAN

You made up the schedule. For the first hour, you plow and I pull.

SKIPPER

You're right. Okay, we'll switch. Now, I'll plow and you pull.

BACK TO SCENE

GILLIGAN

That's better.

Skipper gives an aside glance and holds the plow. Gilligan pulls the plow again.

EXT. GRASSY KNOLL - DAY

Mr. Howell lies on the ground with two pillows under him. He propped his his head by resting on one arm. A bamboo glass with flower garnishes and drinking straw sits before him.

PULL BACK TO REVEAL

Mrs. Howell sitting on a nearby boulder. She has a blue bag matching her blue hat.

MRS HOWELL

Thurston, wake up. Thurston.

Out of the bag she pulls a stack of currency.

MR. HOWELL

Mrs. Howell fans the stack of currency near Mr. Howell's ear, which awakes Mr. Howell.

MR HOWELL

Oh, they're playing our song.

MRS. HOWELL

places the stack of currency back into her bag.

MRS HOWELL

Shall we go back to work?

MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

Oh, of course, my dear. Clippers.

Mr. Howell extends his hand.

MRS. HOWELL

removes clippers from her bag and hands them to Mr. Howell.

MRS HOWELL

Clippers.

MR. HOWELL

holds few blades of grass and uses the clippers to trim the blades of grass.

MR HOWELL

Scissors.

MRS. HOWELL

removes scissors from her bag and hands them to Mr. Howell.

MRS HOWELL

Scissors.

MR. HOWELL

clips a single, long blade of grass. He places the scissors down in the grass.

MR HOWELL

Buffer.

MRS. HOWELL

Removes a buffer from her bad and hands it to Mr. Howell.

MRS HOWELL

Buffer.

MR. HOWELL

holds two blades of grass and polishes the ends of the blades of grass with the buffer. He yawns, puts the buffer down in the grass, and then takes a sip from the straw in the glass of his drink.

BACK TO SCENE

Mrs. Howell sighs.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. NEW HUT - NIGHT

Professor, Skipper, and Gilligan lash bamboo cross-supports to the vertical bamboo poles. One corner is partially completed. The men are very, very tired. Gilligan crouches on the ground.

SKIPPER

You almost through, Professor?

PROFESSOR

Almost, but we need more bamboo poles.

SKIPPER

Well, that's Mister Howell's detail.

PAN

Gilligan slowly stands and turns. Mr. Howell enters carrying a large bamboo pole with small sections partially cut out of it.

Mr. Howell as he puts the bamboo pole into position, he lowers the bamboo pole onto his own foot.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Mr. Howell, you just dropped that bamboo pole on your foot.

MR HOWELL

(wearily)

I know.

SKIPPER

But you didn't yell.

MR HOWELL

(wearily)

I'm too tired. I'll yell tomorrow.

Skipper grasps the bamboo pole. Mr. Howell wearily exits.

PROFESSOR

Mister Howell, try to get some bigger poles.

(to Skipper)

I don't know how we're going to build a hut at this rate.

SKIPPER

I guess we haven't any choice.

PROFESSOR

It's true. We've got to build a hut secretly and at night or tell the women about the island sinking.

SKIPPER

(yawns)

But we can't do that.

Skipper turns to look at Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

stands with his head lowered, apparently asleep. He's tied to a bamboo pole. Skipper enters and nudges the pole, which awakes Gilligan. Skipper taps Gilligan on the shoulder.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Gilligan, you've accidentally tied yourself to the pole.

GILLIGAN

It wasn't an accident, Skipper.

It's the only way I can keep from falling down.

SKIPPER

Stop that.

Skipper spins Gilligan away to untie him from the bamboo pole.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. ESTABLISHING SHOT - MORNING

EXT. CAMP - MORNING

Mr. Howell, Professor, Skipper, and Gilligan return from a long night's work and enter camp. Mr. Howell and Professor wearily wave to Gilligan and Skipper as they pass by on the way to their respective huts.

SKIPPER

Good night.

Gilligan nearly walks by their hut, but Skipper grabs Gilligan by the arm and opens the door. Skipper and Gilligan go through the door.

INT. BOYS HUT - MORNING

Skipper and Gilligan sleepily walk to their bunks. Gilligan holds onto Skipper's shoulders from the back.

SKIPPER

Come on, little buddy.

Gilligan snores. Skipper gives an aside glance and then lifts Gilligan into his bunk. Skipper rolls into his bunk.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Good night, Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

Good night.

REVERSE ANGLE

Mary Ann appears at the window.

MARY ANN

Good morning.

MARY ANN

cheerfully greets Skipper and Gilligan.

MARY ANN (cont'd)

Everybody up. Time to go to work.

NEW ANGLE

Gilligan rolls out of his bunk, but can barely stand. He briefly sits on Skipper, who exclaims. Gilligan walks to the door. Skipper rolls out of his bunk and follows him.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. CAMP - DAY

Outside the girls' hut, Skipper and Gilligan carry a palm tree and its root ball.

MRS HOWELL

I love decorating. I'm a born decorator, you know. When I started--

Gilligan and Skipper place the palm tree down on the ground.

SKIPPER

How's that, Missus Howell?

GILLIGAN

I like it right here.

MRS HOWELL

No, I don't think that's right. No, we'll try it back there.

Mrs. Howell points to a location closer to the hut. Gilligan and Skipper lift the palm tree and move it to the location Mrs. Howell indicated.

MRS HOWELL (cont'd)

There. That's good. But not quite good enough. Try it in that spot.

Mrs. Howell points to another position.

GILLIGAN AND SKIPPER

SKIPPER

See what I mean, Gilligan? Women don't know how to make up their own minds.

MRS. HOWELL

MRS HOWELL

I suppose you men could do better.

GILLIGAN AND SKIPPER

SKIPPER

We certainly could, Missus Howell.

GILLIGAN

We could make up our minds.

MRS. HOWELL

MRS HOWELL

Be my guest, gentlemen.

GILLIGAN AND SKIPPER

SKIPPER

We think it looks fine right here.

GILLIGAN

Me, too.

(pause)

On second thought, Skipper, maybe it looked better up there.

Gilligan points.

SKIPPER

Gilligan.

MRS. HOWELL

smiles and laughs. She points where she indicated.

BACK TO SCENE

SKIPPER (cont'd)

See what you did, you--

Skipper picks up the palm tree by himself and lugs it to the location Mrs. Howell indicated.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. NEW HUT - NIGHT

Skipper and Gilligan enter, back-to-back. Skipper carries an armful of palm fronds. Gilligan carries one palm frond.

GILLIGAN

Skipper, can't we rest for a minute?

SKIPPER

Okay.

They slide down to the ground.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

We've been going like this for forty-eight hours without any sleep.

GILLIGAN

Can't we just shut our eyes and get forty winks?

SKIPPER

No, Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

Can't we shut one eye and get twenty winks?

SKIPPER

No, Gilligan, we've got to finish the job. Now, come on, let's go.

Still back-to-back, they push against each other to stand up. Skipper grunts. They carry the palm fronds to the unfinished hut.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

I wonder where Mister Howell is. He's late.

Gilligan hears a noise.

GILLIGAN

That sounds like him.

(shouts)

Is that you, Mister Howell?

MR HOWELL

enters from the jungle. He wears a light blue bathrobe with a fluffy white fringe.

MR HOWELL

I'm sorry, I dozed off, but I threw on the first thing I could find, and I came right over.

SKIPPER AND GILLIGAN

SKIPPER

I don't know whether you know it or not, Mister Howell, but I think you're wearing your wife's bathrobe.

MR. HOWELL

stands and looks down at his attire.

MR HOWELL

Oh, is that what it is? I thought my cashmere jammies had unraveled. Tickled my fancy.

BACK TO SCENE

GILLIGAN

We've got to take these palm ponds and make a wall.

PROFESSOR (O.S.)

Forget it, men.

GILLIGAN

Forget it?

Professor enters.

PROFESSOR

I just checked the lagoon. The water's twice as high as yesterday.

MR. HOWELL AND PROFESSOR

MR HOWELL

Wish I could teach my stocks to do that.

SKIPPER AND GILLIGAN

SKIPPER

Well, but this is the highest ground on the island, Professor. We should be safe here.

MR. HOWELL AND PROFESSOR

PROFESSOR

The way the water's rising, there's no ground high enough to save us. We'll be underwater in five days.

SKIPPER AND GILLIGAN

SKIPPER

Five days?

MR. HOWELL AND PROFESSOR

PROFESSOR

Maybe six.

SKIPPER AND GILLIGAN

GILLIGAN

Oh, thank goodness.

Skipper gives an aside glance and then removes his cap slowly. Gilligan covers his head with his arms. Skipper weakly his Gilligan in the belly with his cap. Gilligan drops his arms.

FADE OUT

END OF ACT ONE

ACT TWO

FADE IN:

EXT. ESTABLISHING SHOT - DAY

EXT. JUNGLE - DAY

Mr. Howell, Gilligan, Skipper, and Professor sit down in a small grassy area.

SKIPPER

There's no use stalling any longer. We've got to tell the women the truth.

PROFESSOR

They must know the island is sinking.

SKIPPER

And the fact that there's no hope for survival.

MR HOWELL

Sounds like a meeting of the Optimist Club.

GILLIGAN

Who's going to tell them?

SKIPPER

Well, as your skipper, I know that there's only one choice.

SKIPPER

SKIPPER (cont'd)

This unpleasant duty has got to fall on only one man. Mister Howell.

MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

Me? Wait a minute. You're the skipper. It's your duty.

SKIPPER

But you're an executive. You know how to handle these matters in a business-like way.

MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

Well, that's different if you want to handle it in a business-like way.

SKIPPER

Then you'll handle it?

MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

Yes, I'll dictate a letter and send it out in triplicate.

PROFESSOR

Oh, Mister Howell, we haven't got time for that.

MR. HOWELL

stands.

MR HOWELL

Well, that lets me out. I think I'll get on to the lagoon and see if my money belt will float.

BACK TO SCENE

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

That's what I'll do.

Mr. Howell exits.

GILLIGAN

Professor, you always have a solution to everything. What should we do about this?

PROFESSOR

The direct approach. A straight line is the shortest distance between two points.

GILLIGAN

(confused)

I guess it is.

SKIPPER

looks at Gilligan and then at Professor.

PROFESSOR (O.S.)

I just saw Ginger go into her hut.

PROFESSOR

The thing to do is to go right in and tell her. Agreed?

GILLIGAN

Agreed.

PROFESSOR

Good. Then you tell her.

GILLIGAN

Me? But...

BACK TO SCENE

Professor and Skipper walk over to Gilligan and pull him to his feet.

SKIPPER

No buts, Gilligan. Go right in and talk to her.

PROFESSOR

The direct approach.

SKIPPER

Okay, little buddy. Go ahead.

Skipper pats Gilligan on the back. Gilligan exits.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. GIRLS HUT - DAY

Gilligan enters the girls hut. Ginger stands with her arms outstretched like branches on a tree.

GILLIGAN

Ginger?

GINGER

Oh, hi, Gilligan. You're just in time. What am I?

GILLIGAN

A girl.

GINGER

No, I'm a tree. I'm doing an acting exercise. And I'm imagining that I'm a tree.

GILLIGAN

Oh, well, seeing that you're busy, I'll come back later. Maybe next summer when the leaves are out.

GINGER

Why aren't you out working on the landscaping?

GILLIGAN

Well, that's what I came to tell you. We've stopped working.

GINGER

But you promised.

GILLIGAN

(solemnly)

Well, the reason we stopped working is because--Well, because--We only have a few days left on the island.

GINGER OVER GILLIGAN'S SHOULDER

GINGER

(excitedly)

We have?

GILLIGAN

Yeah.

GINGER

Well, that's wonderful!

GILLIGAN

It is?

GINGER

Well, yeah, that means you found a way off.

GILLIGAN OVER GINGER'S SHOULDER

GILLIGAN

Well, yeah, we'll be kind of off the island, all right.

GINGER OVER GILLIGAN'S SHOULDER

GINGER

Well, then we're saved. We're rescued. Oh, Gilligan, you made me so happy.

Ginger kisses Gilligan on the cheek.

GILLIGAN OVER GINGER'S SHOULDER

GILLIGAN

Ginger?

Gilligan rubs the cheek that Ginger kissed, smearing the lipstick.

GINGER

What?

GILLIGAN

Oh, nothing.

Gilligan turns and exits. Ginger sits down on a bench and uses a hand mirror to check her hair.

GINGER

Oh, boy! Oh, I'm getting off the island. I can't believe it. Oh, Hollywood, here I come. Ooh, la, la.

EXT. JUNGLE - DAY

GILLIGAN

walks through the jungle back to Professor and Skipper.

PROFESSOR AND SKIPPER

SKIPPER

Professor, I didn't think Ginger would take it so hard. Look at Gilligan. Looks like she punched him in the jaw. What happened, little buddy?

They turn Gilligan around. Gilligan's cheek is reddened.

GILLIGAN

Oh, she kissed me.

Gilligan points to his reddened cheek.

SKIPPER

She kissed you?

SKIPPER

SKIPPER (cont'd)

For telling her that the island is sinking?

PROFESSOR

Gilligan, you were supposed to take the direct approach.

GILLIGAN

I did. I tried to tell her we were getting off the island, and then she got mixed up, and she thinks we're being rescued.

PROFESSOR

Rescued?

BACK TO SCENE

SKIPPER

For goodness' sake, can't you ever be firm and strong?

GILLIGAN

Well--

GINGER

enters from the jungle and squeals in excitement.

BACK TO SCENE

GINGER

Oh, Skipper! Isn't it wonderful?

Ginger hugs Skipper and kisses him on the cheek.

SKIPPER AND GINGER

GINGER (cont'd)

Tell me, how do we get off the island?

GILLIGAN

Now's your chance, Skipper. Be firm and strong.

SKIPPER AND GINGER

SKIPPER

Professor?

GINGER

What about the Professor?

SKIPPER

Well, it's just that, um... The Professor's got his transmitter fixed, haven't you?

GINGER

Oh!

PROFESSOR

Yes, yes, now, uh... Now we can contact someone.

SKIPPER AND GINGER

GINGER

You mean we're in contact with the outside world? Oh, that's wonderful. Wait till I tell the girls about it? They'll be so happy. Oh!

Ginger kisses Skipper on the cheek again.

BACK TO SCENE

Ginger blows a kiss to Gilligan and Professor. Ginger exits. Gilligan crosses his arms and looks at Skipper.

GILLIGAN

Firm and strong.

Skipper crosses his arms.

SKIPPER

Yes, firm and strong.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. CAMP - DAY

Skipper and Professor stand in front of a medium-sized table with a grass skirt. On the table sits 10 half-coconut shells and the transistor radio. At the end of the table is a generator labeled "DYNAMO". Wires connect the generator to the devices on the table. A stationary cycle will provide the power. Professor twists two wires together. Gilligan approaches.

SKIPPER

Professor, this should really pass for a transmitter.

PROFESSOR

We ought to be able to get by with it.

GILLIGAN

Hey, it looks real good, Professor.

PROFESSOR

Thanks.

GILLIGAN

I bet the girls don't catch on.

PROFESSOR

As long as they don't examine it too closely.

SKIPPER

They'll be along here any minute now.

GILLIGAN

How does it work?

SKIPPER

Well, first, Gilligan, you get under the table.

GILLIGAN

I what?

PROFESSOR

You get under the table, and you sound like a radio announcer.

GILLIGAN

But I don't know how to sound like an announcer.

SKIPPER

Oh, certainly you can.

Skipper and Professor push Gilligan under the table.

MR HOWELL (O.S.)

Ready or not, here we come.

PROFESSOR

There's Mister Howell's signal.

Gilligan pops up.

GILLIGAN

But I won't know what to say.

Skipper and Professor push Gilligan under the table again.

SKIPPER

Oh, Gilligan, certainly. Just speak when you're spoken to, and try and use a different voice.

Gilligan pops up again.

GILLIGAN

I can't. This is the only voice I have.

Skipper and Professor push Gilligan under the table again.

GILLIGAN

is pushed under the table by Skipper and Professor.

SKIPPER

Get under there now, will you, and disguise your voice.

BACK TO SCENE

Skipper mounts the stationary cycle and pedals to provide power. Professor sits down. Mr. Howell enters, followed by Mrs. Howell, Ginger, and Mary Ann.

MARY ANN

Oh, isn't this exciting?

GINGER

We'll make headlines in every paper.

MARY ANN, MRS. HOWELL, MR. HOWELL, AND PROFESSOR

MRS HOWELL

First, it looks awfully primitive.

I do hope you haven't invested in it.

MR HOWELL

No, I have every confidence here in the Professor.

MARY ANN

Where's Gilligan?

SKIPPER

pedals to provide power.

SKIPPER

Oh, he's around. Give it a test, Professor.

MARY ANN, MRS. HOWELL, MR. HOWELL, AND PROFESSOR

Professor holds a microphone.

GILLIGAN

sits under the table with his knees pulled up to his chest.

GILLIGAN

(to himself)

What kind of voice should I use? Hello, Hello?

Gilligan whistles, imitating a radio being tuned.

BACK TO SCENE

PROFESSOR

Oh, that must be static.

GILLIGAN

(French accent)

Hello.

MARY ANN, MRS. HOWELL, MR. HOWELL, AND PROFESSOR

PROFESSOR

Ah-ha. Made contact.

MRS HOWELL

He sounds French.

GINGER

smiles.

PROFESSOR (O.S.)

He is.

MARY ANN, MRS. HOWELL, MR. HOWELL, AND PROFESSOR

PROFESSOR

He's a French radio announcer.

Mary Ann takes the microphone from Professor.

MARY ANN

Oh, I hope he can speak English.

(into microphone)

Hello. Hello, this is Mary Ann.

GILLIGAN

(French accent)

Hello. This is Ge... Uh, Gilbert LeBlanche.

MARY ANN, MRS. HOWELL, MR. HOWELL, AND PROFESSOR

MARY ANN

Oh, he comes in so clear, as though we were close by.

MR HOWELL

Closer than you think.

Mrs. Howell takes the microphone from Mary Ann.

MRS HOWELL

We must find out where he is.

(into microphone)

Uh, tell me, what is your position?

GILLIGAN

(French accent)

My position? I am sitting down, my legs are crossed, and it is very uncomfortable.

GILLIGAN'S FOOT

sticks out from underneath the table. Mrs. Howells stands ominously close. Her shoe is just inches from Gilligan's.

SKIPPER (O.S.)

I guess he's in one of ...

MARY ANN, MRS. HOWELL, MR. HOWELL, PROFESSOR, AND SKIPPER

SKIPPER

... those cramped quarters, you know, like a little ham radio shack?

Ginger takes the microphone from Mrs. Howell.

GINGER

(into microphone)

Hello.

GINGER

GINGER (cont'd)

I'm an actress. Can you tell me what's happening in Hollywood? I mean, any gossip?

GILLIGAN

(French accent)

Hollywood gossip?

GINGER

Yeah, I haven't seen a newspaper in ages.

GILLIGAN

Oh, oui. The big gossip is, uh, what well-known Hollywood star was seen at a nightclub with a well-known actress?

GINGER

Oh, thank you. I just love inside information.

BACK TO SCENE

Mrs. Howell takes the microphone back from Ginger.

MRS HOWELL

There's something we must find out before we're rescued.

MRS. HOWELL

MRS HOWELL (cont'd)

This is Missus Thurston Howell the Third, uh, from Newport, New York, Palm Beach, and, of course, Paris, mon cher.

MR. HOWELL

MRS HOWELL (O.S.)

Uh, I want to ask you about the ...

... new French fashions. I don't know what to wear when we're rescued.

GILLIGAN

(French accent)

Why don't you wear your blue dress?

MRS. HOWELL

MRS HOWELL

My blue dress? Oh, that's perfect.

(realizes)

How does he know I have a blue dress?

MARY ANN, MRS. HOWELL, MR. HOWELL, AND PROFESSOR

MRS HOWELL (cont'd)

Thurston, there's something very peculiar going on here.

MRS. HOWELL'S FOOT

steps on Gilligan's foot.

GILLIGAN

exclaims in pain.

GILLIGAN

Ow!

BACK TO SCENE

Mary Ann, Mrs. Howell, and Ginger pull the table back, revealing that Gilligan was sitting under the table.

GILLIGAN

sits, but no longer under the table.

BACK TO SCENE

MRS HOWELL

Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

Uh-oh.

He smiles sheepishly.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. CAMP - DAY

The castaways walk through the jungle and enter camp.

MR HOWELL

It is sinking.

MRS HOWELL

Oh, and I wish I'd learned to swim.

MR HOWELL

I know, survival.

MRS HOWELL

I never would have--

PROFESSOR

And that's why we didn't tell you.

SKIPPER

Yes, we thought you were gonna panic if you knew that the island was going underwater.

MR HOWELL

It's my duty to protect you.After all, I'm the strong stalwart male, and you're the frail, helpless female.

MRS HOWELL

Yes, you big, strong man, you.

(to Mary Ann and Ginger)

Now, girls, time is getting short.

MRS. HOWELL, MARY ANN, AND GINGER.

MRS HOWELL (cont'd)

We must get organized. How are we going to stay afloat?

GINGER

Why don't we build an ark like Noah did?

MARY ANN

That's a wonderful idea. We'll take the raft the men started to build a couple of months ago, and we'll put a new hut on it.

BACK TO SCENE

MRS HOWELL

Excellent. Now, we must get going.

We have a million things to do.

The women exit. Gilligan is astonished and puzzled.

GILLIGAN

Now, why didn't we think of that?

MR HOWELL

Lovey's so determined.

The men exit.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. CAMP - DAY

The ark sits on a fulcrum in the middle of camp. On it is a life ring labelled "S.S. Minnow #II". Two ropes hang down. Professor holds both ropes. Skipper and Gilligan stand on either side of Professor. Gilligan wears a life jacket.

PROFESSOR

And now when I pull on these vines, it will cause the ark to rock up and down.

SKIPPER, PROFESSOR, GILLIGAN

SKIPPER

Oh. We want to see if the ark's gonna be safe in a rough sea. What are you doing with a life jacket on already?

PROFESSOR

Yes, the water won't be up here for three days.

GILLIGAN

No sense in waiting till the last minute.

Gilligan nods and then salutes. He turns toward the ark.

ARK DOOR

Gilligan enters the door as Skipper watches. Gilligan turns and waves to Skipper.

INT. ARK - DAY

Gilligan closes the door. He walks over to a medium-sized table that has nothing on it.

SKIPPER (O.S.)

All set, Gilligan?

GILLIGAN

All set, Skipper!

EXT. CAMP - DAY

Professor and Skipper pull on the ropes to make the ark bounce from end to end.

INT. ARK - DAY

Gilligan responds to the gentle rocking by swaying. The table slides along the floor, a bit one way and then the other.

EXT. CAMP - DAY

Professor pulls on the rope with all of his weight.

INT. ARK - DAY

The ark rocks more extremely. The table slides further. A chair falls over. A palm frond drops. As Gilligan moves from side to side he becomes entangled in a hammock stowed on the wall.

EXT. CAMP - DAY

Skipper uses all of his considerable weight to pull on his rope. Professor then uses all of his weight to pull on his rope.

INT. ARK - DAY

Gilligan awkwardly tries to stand. The table slides to the wall, pinning Gilligan against the wall. Gilligan rides the table as the table slides across the ark.

EXT. CAMP - DAY

ARK DOOR

Gilligan flies out of the ark.

SKIPPER AND PROFESSOR

catch Gilligan.

SKIPPER

Are you all right, little buddy?

Gilligan groans. They put him on his feet.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Say something.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. ARK - DAY

On the ark's table sits two place settings with bamboo glasses, coconuts, plates, foot, and several gourds that resemble ketchup and mustard dispensers. Gilligan and Skipper sit down at the table.

GILLIGAN

Skipper, I don't know if I'm ready for this test. I'm barely recovered from the other one.

SKIPPER

Don't worry, Gilligan. All the furniture is secured to the floor. It won't slide.

(yells to Professor)

All right, Professor, we're ready for the eating test. Let her rock.

EXT. CAMP -DAY

Professor pulls on one rope with all of his weight, and then pulls on the other rope, alternating and the ark pivots one way and then the other.

INT. ARK - DAY

The men try to eat. One of the gourds falls over. The plates slide back-and-forth on the table. The cups and gourds begin tumbling. Skipper and Gilligan attempt to stab food with their forks, but their plates side away.

SKIPPER

It's just a matter of timing, Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

Hey, Skipper, maybe we should nail the food to the table, huh?

SKIPPER

I wish I could catch mine. I'm working up quite an appetite.

GILLIGAN

Hey, when this goes by again, I'm gonna make a stab at it.

Gilligan stabs at his food as it slides.

SKIPPER

exclaims in pain. Skipper gives an aside glance.

SKIPPER

Aah! Oh!

GILLIGAN

Sorry.

SKIPPER

Gilligan, maybe we'll do better at the drinking.

GILLIGAN

I'll get the coconut milk.

BACK TO SCENE

Skipper gives as aside glance.

SKIPPER

Do that.

Gilligan reaches behind one of the hammocks, pulls out a bamboo glass, and hands it to Skipper.

EXT. CAMP - DAY

Professor pulls down alternately on the ropes with all his weight.

INT. ARK - DAY

Skipper holds out the bamboo glass. Gilligan opens a coconut.

SKIPPER

Hang on to the table, Gilligan. That's right.

GILLIGAN

All right. Say, when. Ready?

Gilligan pours the coconut milk. Some of it gets in the bamboo glass. Most of it pours onto Skipper.

SKIPPER OVER GILLIGAN'S SHOULDER

Gilligan pours coconut milk onto Skipper's face.

SKIPPER

When, Gilligan.

Gilligan stops pouring the coconut milk.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. ARK - DAY

The hammocks for Gilligan and Skipper are anchored to support poles on the edges of the ark.

GILLIGAN

And now, Gilligan, this will be the most important of our tests ...

SKIPPER

... being as we're on our hammocks so much.

GILLIGAN

Yeah, we'll be too weak for the lack of food to stand up.

SKIPPER

(shouts to Professor)

Okay, Professor.

EXT. CAMP - DAY

Professor pulls on the ropes alternately.

INT. ARK - DAY

Skipper and Gilligan sway back and forth as the ark rocks.

SKIPPER

How you doing, Gilligan?

GILLIGAN

Okay, Skipper.

SKIPPER

Hold on, little buddy. I think the Professor's gonna rock us faster.

GILLIGAN

holds on to his hammock tightly.

EXT. CAMP - DAY

Professor pulls on the ropes alternately with all his might.

INT. ARK - DAY

Skipper and Gilligan sway back and forth.

GILLIGAN

The hammocks work fine.

Skipper laughs.

SKIPPER

Yes, Gilligan, I think we're going to make it.

GILLIGAN

Uh-huh, Skipper. From here on it, it looks like smooth sailing.

EXT. CAMP - DAY

The ark collapses. Professor stops pulling on the ropes. Professor jumps up on the ark's floor.

ARK FLOOR

Professor clears away palm fronds.

PROFESSOR

Skipper, Gilligan, are you all right?

SKIPPER

Smooth sailing.

FADE OUT

END OF ACT TWO

TAG

FADE IN:

EXT. CAMP - DAY

The ark lay in shambles. Gilligan enters with a lobster trap and a stick.

PROFESSOR

Well, that does it.

SKIPPER

I know, Professor, it looks like the captain's going down with his island.

GILLIGAN

Well, at least we have some real nice fat lobsters for dinner.

PROFESSOR

(notices stick)

Gilligan, where did you get that stick?

GILLIGAN

That old stick?

GILLIGAN

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

I use it to keep my lobster traps from floating away.

PROFESSOR AND SKIPPER

PROFESSOR

"That old stick?" Well, it just happens to be the measuring stick I've been using to mark how high the water's been coming up on the island.

GILLIGAN

And I've been putting it out in deeper water to catch bigger lobsters.

PROFESSOR AND SKIPPER

PROFESSOR

Well, that explains everything.

(to Skipper)

The island isn't sinking at all.

SKIPPER

Gilligan, look at that mess.

Skipper points to the destroyed ark.

BACK TO SCENE

SKIPPER (cont'd)

And it's all your fault.

GILLIGAN

Oh, well, Skipper, it won't take very long when all three of us pitch in to clean it up.

PROFESSOR AND SKIPPER

SKIPPER

All three of us?

PROFESSOR

All three of us?

GILLIGAN

Yeah. Me, myself, and I.

BACK TO SCENE

SKIPPER

Exactly.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. ESTABLISHING SHOT - DAY

FADE OUT.

THE END