Gilligan wins a million-dollar sweepstakes and is invited to the Howell's country club. After feeling lonely he issues IOUs to the others so they may also attend. He quickly misplaces the winning ticket and they all get evicted.
“The Sweepstakes”
By
Walter Black
October 14, 1965
FADE IN:
EXT. LAGOON SHORE - DAY
Gilligan walks along the lagoon shore and carries a tray with drinks in BAMBOO GLASSES. The drinks have flowers as garnishes. As a steward, Gilligan wears a blue coat.
EXT. HOWELL PRIVATE COUNTRY CLUB - DAY
Gilligan approaches the Howell Private Country Club door. A sign reads "HOWELL PRIVATE COUNTRY CLUB". The next sign reads "EXCLUSIVE". The third sign reads "KEEP OUT". The fourth sign reads "THIS MEANS EVERYBODY". He uses his foot to open the gate.
SIGN READS "HOWELL PRIVATE COUNTRY CLUB"
BACK TO SCENE
Gilligan enters carrying the tray with drinks. The gate swings closed. Gilligan smiles as he delivers the drinks. Mr. Howell and Mrs. Howell recline on chaise lounge chairs. Each of them is propped up on a pillow. Between them is a small table upon which the RADIO sits.
MR HOWELL
Ah, there you are.
MRS HOWELL
They look very refreshing, Gilligan.
Gilligan places the tray down on the table.
GILLIGAN
Papaya and coconut milk for Mister Howell and guava and pineapple for you, Missus Howell.
MR HOWELL
I distinctly said pineapple and coconut milk, Gilligan.
MRS HOWELL
And mine was papaya and guava.
Gilligan removes the garnishes from the glasses and hands one to each Howell.
MR HOWELL
What are you doing?
(tosses garnish on table)
Gilligan, exactly what are you doing?
Gilligan picks up the glasses and pours a portion of Mrs. Howell's drink into Mr. Howell's glass, and then reverses to pour a portion of Mr. Howell's drink into Mrs. Howell's glass. Mrs. Howell looks at the garnish, smells, it, and then places it down on the table.
GILLIGAN
GILLIGAN
Pouring your papaya into Missus Howell's cup and her guava into your cup.
MRS. HOWELL
MRS HOWELL
Oh, that's very clever of him, isn't it, darling?
MR. HOWELL
MR HOWELL
Well, I reserve judgment until I sample the brew.
Gilligan hands Mr. Howell a glass.
MRS. HOWELL, GILLIGAN, AND MR. HOWELL
MRS HOWELL
Uh, Gilligan, would you adjust be parasol, please? You know I never take sun.
GILLIGAN
Yes, ma'am.
BACK TO SCENE
MR HOWELL
Would you turn on the radio? The midweek financial report. Very important.
GILLIGAN
Yes, sir.
Gilligan turns the dial with a CLICK.
MRS HOWELL
And my fan, Gilligan, please?
GILLIGAN
Yes, ma'am.
Gilligan pulls out a fan from his pocket, spreads it out and hands it to Mrs. Howell.
MR HOWELL
Fluff me, will you, Gilligan?
Gilligan fluffs Mr. Howell's pillow.
MRS HOWELL
Fluff me too, huh?
Gilligan fluffs Mrs. Howell's pillow.
RADIO (V.O.)
(filtered)
This is John Reid King of KDKA News in Pittsburgh. We interrupt our midweek financial report from the world's capitals. An item just in from Buenos Aires: The winning Argentinian sweepstakes...
GILLIGAN
RADIO (V.O.) (cont'd)
(filtered)
... first prize ticket has just been drawn.
GILLIGAN
Hey, I bought a ticket on that sweepstakes.
ANGLE FROM RIGHT
Gilligan searches his pockets for a sweepstakes ticket. Gilligan finds the ticket and unfolds it.
RADIO (V.O.)
(filtered)
The winning ticket number is G-131-131.
ANGLE FROM LEFT
Gilligan looks up and back at the ticket. He cannot believe his eyes. He looks up and back at the ticket again.
RADIO (V.O.) (cont'd)
(filtered)
This million dollars is non-taxable.
GILLIGAN
Hey, that's a coincidence. I got the same number, G-131-131.
GILLIGAN
stares at the ticket.
GILLIGAN (cont'd)
The winning ticket. I've got the winning ticket.
MR HOWELL
GILLIGAN (O.S.)
I won the sweepstakes.
ANGLE FROM LEFT
Gilligan runs around to the front of Mr. Howell to Mrs. Howell.
GILLIGAN
Oh, boy, oh, boy. I got G-131-131. I got it, oh, boy.
GILLIGAN
GILLIGAN (cont'd)
That is, I might have to collect the money right away.
RADIO
tuned to 640 KHz, sits on the table.
RADIO (V.O.)
(filtered)
The winner can collect the money any time.
GILLIGAN
GILLIGAN
(to Radio)
Thanks.
BACK TO SCENE
GILLIGAN (cont'd)
(to Mr. Howell)
I'm a millionaire, Mister Howell!
Gilligan runs while shouting, opens the gate, and runs through it.
GILLIGAN (cont'd)
I'm a millionaire!
Gilligan runs into the jungle.
FADE OUT
END OF TEASER
ACT ONE
FADE IN:
EXT. CAMP - DAY
Gilligan runs in from the jungle wearing his blue steward coat. Skipper sits at the dining table. Gilligan holds up the sweepstakes ticket as he runs into camp.
GILLIGAN
I've got the ticket! I'm a millionaire! I'm a millionaire. I got the ticket. I got the ticket! I'm a millionaire.
(to Skipper)
Hi, Skipper.
(shouts)
I'm a millionaire. A tax-free millionaire. I'm a millionaire. I'm--
Skipper rises and puts his hand over Gilligan's mouth.
SKIPPER
Gilligan. For goodness' sake, simmer down.
Skipper releases his hold on Gilligan's mouth.
GILLIGAN
I'm a millionaire.
Skipper replaces his hand over Gilligan's mouth.
SKIPPER
What's all this nonsense about being a millionaire?
Skipper releases his hold on Gilligan's mouth.
GILLIGAN
I'm a millionaire. I'm a millionaire.
Skipper replaces his hand over Gilligan's mouth.
GINGER AND MARY ANN
enter.
GINGER
Skipper, what's all the screaming about?
Ginger and Mary Ann join Skipper and Gilligan at the dining table.
MARY ANN
Oh, he said something about a ticket. Did you see a boat?
GINGER
Gilligan, did you see a boat?
Professor enters from the jungle. Gilligan removes Skipper's hand from his mouth temporarily.
GILLIGAN
No.
Gilligan places Skipper's hand back over his own mouth.
PROFESSOR
Gilligan, what's all the shouting about?
GILLIGAN
Hmm, hmm, hmm.
PROFESSOR
Well, it is a bit hot today. Perhaps Gilligan has a touch of the sun.
SKIPPER
I think that's it, Professor. He does feel a little...
Skipper removes his hand from Gilligan's mouth and places it on his forehead.
GILLIGAN
I've got the ticket. I'm a millionaire.
Skipper places his hand over Gilligan's mouth.
SKIPPER
He's saying that...
GINGER AND MARY ANN
SKIPPER (O.S.)
... over and over again.
GINGER
He's flipped.
MARY ANN
What kind of a ticket would make somebody rich?
PROFESSOR, GILLIGAN, AND SKIPPER
PROFESSOR
Well, perhaps if the Skipper will remove his hand, Gilligan will tell us.
SKIPPER
Yeah.
GILLIGAN
Hi, Professor. Hi, girls.
GINGER AND MARY ANN
PROFESSOR (O.S.)
Oh, Gilligan, never mind the amenities.
PROFESSOR, GILLIGAN, AND SKIPPER
PROFESSOR
Tell us all about this.
GILLIGAN
I got the ticket. I got the tax exempt ticket. I'm a tax exempt millionaire.
SKIPPER
What ticket?
GILLIGAN
The sweepstakes ticket in South America.
SKIPPER
Oh, and I suppose a little bird flew down here and told you that you won.
GILLIGAN
No, I heard it on the radio. And see, he read the number out, and it's the winning ticket, and I got the same number. And the Howells heard it, too.
PROFESSOR
Well, I guess it's true. Our friend here is a millionaire.
GINGER AND MARY ANN
GINGER
Oh!
PROFESSOR (O.S.)
Congratulations, Gilligan.
BACK TO SCENE
Professor extends his hand for Gilligan to shake hands.
PROFESSOR
Put her there.
GILLIGAN
No, I just remember what Mister Howells said. When you're rich, everybody's got their hand out.
SKIPPER
Oh, for Pete's sake, Gilligan. Shake hands.
Gilligan shakes Professor's hand. They exclaim. Gilligan shakes Ginger's hand, then Mary Ann's hand, and finally Skipper's hand. Gilligan shakes Professor's hand again. Then they all shake hands with Gilligan together.
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. HOWELL PRIVATE COUNTRY CLUB - DAY
The Howells sit in their chaise lounge chairs. Gilligan enters with a tray and two drinks and a small bowl with a large red/orange flower resting on it.
GILLIGAN
Here you are, Mister Howell. I think I got it right. Guava and papaya.
Mr. Howell rises.
MR HOWELL
No, no, Gilligan, my boy. Just put the little tray down. There you are. Nice.
Mrs. Howell rises, grabs Gilligan by the arm, and asks him to sit in her chair.
MRS HOWELL
Now, Gilligan, you just come over here and lie down.
GILLIGAN
Me?
MRS HOWELL
There, yes. Now, you comfy, dear?
Mr. Howell picks up a glass from the tray as Gilligan sits down. Then he hands Gilligan the glass.
GILLIGAN
Could you fluff my pillow?
MR HOWELL
We'll fluff you up a little. There you are. You got a little drink, huh? Missus Howell and I were having a meeting of the board, and we decided to admit a new member to this terribly exclusive private club.
MRS HOWELL
And, Gilligan, guess who the new member is.
GILLIGAN OVER MR. HOWELL'S SHOULDER
GILLIGAN
The Skipper?
MR HOWELL
No.
GILLIGAN
The Professor?
MR HOWELL
No, no.
MR. HOWELL OVER GILLIGAN'S SHOULDER
MR HOWELL (cont'd)
Who is loaded with money?
GILLIGAN OVER MR. HOWELL'S SHOULDER
GILLIGAN
You are.
MR. HOWELL OVER GILLIGAN'S SHOULDER
MR HOWELL
Aside from me.
GILLIGAN OVER MR. HOWELL'S SHOULDER
GILLIGAN
Oh, me, but I'm only a one million millionaire.
MR. HOWELL OVER GILLIGAN'S SHOULDER
MR HOWELL
Well, be that as it may, you have the fifty thousand dollars for the initiation fee. So while I administer the oath of loyalty to the club and to its principles,
(to Mrs. Howell)
Lovey, will you get Gilligan his own private club ...
MRS. HOWELL
MR HOWELL (O.S.)
... blazer?
MRS HOWELL
Oh, certainly, dear.
BACK TO SCENE
MR HOWELL
Now, put down the drink, and we will now, uh, here, place your right hand on this pile of currency.
Gilligan places his hand on the stacks of currency and squeezes them. Mr. Howell slaps his hand.
MR HOWELL (cont'd)
No, don't clutch my boy. Now, I, uh, pledge allegiance to the spirit of money, the color for which it stands. One currency divisible by ten, with luxury and affluence to the very fortunate few.
GILLIGAN
Mister Howell?
MR HOWELL
Is something amiss?
GILLIGAN OVER MR. HOWELL'S SHOULDER
GILLIGAN
But that pledge, I never heard one like that before.
MR. HOWELL OVER GILLIGAN'S SHOULDER
MR HOWELL
That's the way I was taught at S.M.U.
GILLIGAN
S.M.U.?
MR HOWELL
Super Millionaires University.
(sings)
"Moolah, moolah, moolah.
Moolah, moolah, moolah."
Mr. Howell kisses the stacks of currency.
FLIP TO:
EXT. GOLF GREEN - DAY
Gilligan and Mr. Howell, dressed in matching Country Club blazers, putt on the green. Mr. Howell taps the ball and it goes straight into the cup.
MR HOWELL
Ha, ha, ha. You had an eight. I believe that I had a four.
Mr. Howell kneels down to pick up the ball. Gilligan kneels too.
GILLIGAN
A four? You millionaires can make yourself believe anything.
MR HOWELL
Would you believe it that I made once less than a hole-in-one?
GILLIGAN
Less than a hole-in-one?
MR HOWELL
That's right. I missed the ball and sank the divot.
(laughs)
It's a golfing joke.
Skipper enters.
SKIPPER
Well, there you are, Gilligan. I want you to help me fix the back wall in the Supply Hut.
GILLIGAN
I fixed that wall last week.
SKIPPER
Exactly, Gilligan. That's why we have to fix it again this week.
GILLIGAN
Aw, Skipper's too hot to work. Why don't you join us, huh?
MR HOWELL
Young man, would you step over here just one moment?
Mr. Howell pulls Gilligan aside.
MR HOWELL (cont'd)
Is he a member of the club?
Gilligan shakes his head.
MR HOWELL (cont'd)
Is he a millionaire?
Gilligan shakes his head.
MR HOWELL (cont'd)
Is he worth anything except that broken-down boat?
Gilligan shakes his head.
MR HOWELL (cont'd)
Then how can the likes of him join the likes of us, huh?
GILLIGAN
It's not likely.
MR HOWELL
No, dismiss him. Dismiss him.
Gilligan pats Skipper on the shoulder.
GILLIGAN
Uh, some other time, huh, Skipper?
SKIPPER
No, but thanks a lot for the invitation.
Skipper gives an aside glance and exits.
GILLIGAN
You think he's mad?
MR HOWELL
Well, uh, piqued, perhaps. Ego bruise, maybe. Feelings hurt, possibly. Mad? He's furious!
They exit.
FLIP TO:
INT. HOWELL PRIVATE COUNTRY CLUB - DAY
Gilligan, dressed in his Country Club blazer sits with Mrs. Howell.
MRS HOWELL
Now, Gilligan, observe. One doesn't drink tea.
GILLIGAN
Oh, I'm glad to hear that, because I'd rather have, like, cocoa or soda pop or milk or root beer.
MRS HOWELL
Yes, dear. Now, one doesn't drink tea. One sips, like this.
(quietly sips tea)
You try.
GILLIGAN
Okay.
Gilligan SLURPS. Mrs. Howell is disgusted.
MRS HOWELL
Gilligan.
GILLIGAN
Not so good, huh? Well, I always was a slurpy sipper.
MRS HOWELL
Practice makes perfect.
(places a plate of cookies on her lap)
Now, handling the appurtenances of a tea party is really quite an art.
(spoons sugar to her tea)
Sugar,
(pours cream)
the cream, balancing the cookies. There. Now you try it, dear.
Gilligan places the plate of cookies on his lap.
MRS HOWELL (cont'd)
Good.
Mary Ann enters.
MARY ANN
Hi.
Gilligan places the saucer and coconut cup on his lap.
MRS HOWELL
Oh, Mary Ann.
GILLIGAN
Hi.
MARY ANN
Well, what are you doing?
MRS HOWELL
Uh, we're having a tea lesson.
(to Gilligan)
Gilligan, when a lady approaches or enters a room, a gentleman stands up.
GILLIGAN
Oh, I'm sorry, I--
The saucer, coconut cup, and cookies slide off his lap as Gilligan stands.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. HOWELL PRIVATE COUNTRY CLUB - LATER
Mr. Howell reclines in the chaise lounge chair, snoozing.
PULL BACK
to reveal Gilligan sitting in the chair next to him.
MR HOWELL
(mumbles)
Yeah, marvelous, isn't it? Money.
Gilligan talks to himself.
GILLIGAN
All this money and nothing to do and nobody to do it with.
Mr. Howell stirs.
MR HOWELL
Hmm? You were, uh, saying something, old boy?
GILLIGAN
GILLIGAN
Mister Howell, now that I'm a member of the club, what can I do? I had more fun as a club steward.
MR. HOWELL
MR HOWELL
Well, you haven't got the knack of being idly rich. You see, you should do like me, just snooze and dream, dream and snooze. The pleasures are unlimited.
GILLIGAN
GILLIGAN
Not for me, Mister Howell. When I go to sleep, I have nightmares about big crawly things and creatures and big hairy monsters that grab you around the throat.
MR. HOWELL
MR HOWELL
Oooh, how vulgar. Your dreams are too ordinary. You should upgrade them.
BACK TO SCENE
GILLIGAN
Upgrade them?
MR HOWELL
Yes, you take my dreams, like the one that you just interrupted. It was marvelous. I was foreclosing the mortgage on a lifelong friend. And I was creating a poverty pocket right in the heart of Beverly Hills downtown.
GILLIGAN
GILLIGAN
I don't want to dream about making more money. I want to spend it.
Gilligan smiles.
MR. HOWELL
MR HOWELL
Egads, you have nothing but nightmares.
GILLIGAN
The smile drains from his face.
MR. HOWELL
MR HOWELL (cont'd)
Now, there's only one use for money, and that's to make more money.
GILLIGAN
GILLIGAN
But, Mister Howell, I want to spend it to make people happy.
Gilligan smiles.
MR. HOWELL
MR HOWELL
Well, that's a very noble sentiment, very warm and generous, but stupid.
GILLIGAN
loses his smile.
MR HOWELL (O.S.)
Now, let me finish ...
BACK TO SCENE
MR HOWELL
... that dream on a pleasant note. The wholesale arrest of the Supreme Court. Ha!
Mr. Howell falls asleep. Gilligan looks at Mr. Howell and sighs.
FLIP TO:
EXT. CAMP - DAY
Skipper and Gilligan stand in the camp clearing outside the Supply Hut. Gilligan wears his Country Club blazer.
SKIPPER
Me join the club?
GILLIGAN
Why not?
SKIPPER
I'll give you the best why not I could ever tell you. It just so happens I don't have fifty thousand dollars.
Skipper crosses to Gilligan's left side.
GILLIGAN
You could get it if you wanted to.
SKIPPER
Where? Out of my sea chest? Out of my back pocket?
GILLIGAN
Boy, are you a bad guesser. You want a hint?
SKIPPER
No, Gilligan, I don't want a hint.
GILLIGAN
Try little buddy Gilligan.
SKIPPER
All right, I'll try... Try my little buddy Gilligan?
GILLIGAN
Good guess.
SKIPPER
Gilligan, you mean you'd lend me the money?
GILLIGAN
No.
SKIPPER
You sure know how to hurt a fellow.
GILLIGAN
No, I wouldn't lend it to you, but I'd give it to you.
SKIPPER
Gilligan, I want to tell you, winning this million dollars has done something to you.
GILLIGAN
It's made me rich.
SKIPPER
No, it's further than that. I mean, it's given you real vision. Can you imagine the idea of you and me and the Howells in the same club? We're just going to have nothing but class.
GILLIGAN
Yeah, I'll see you later, Skip.
SKIPPER
Where are you going?
GILLIGAN
I'm going to find Ginger. I can't wait to see what she does when I give her fifty thousand dollars.
Gilligan exits.
WHIP PAN TO:
INT. GIRLS HUT - DAY
Ginger sternly talks to Gilligan.
GINGER
How dare you?
(slaps Gilligan)
All you men are alike. I suppose you'll want a kiss now?
GILLIGAN OVER GINGER'S SHOULDER
GILLIGAN
No, I don't want to kiss.
GINGER OVER GILLIGAN'S SHOULDER
GINGER
I've never been so insulted in all my life!
GILLIGAN OVER GINGER'S SHOULDER
Ginger slaps Gilligan again. Gilligan feels the sting of the slap on his cheek with his hand.
GINGER (cont'd)
So, I'm not worth kissing?
GILLIGAN
No, that's not what I meant, honest.
GINGER OVER GILLIGAN'S SHOULDER
GINGER
Are you sure?
GILLIGAN OVER GINGER'S SHOULDER
GILLIGAN
Cross my heart. I only wanted to pay for your initiation in our exclusive private club.
GINGER OVER GILLIGAN'S SHOULDER
Ginger smiles.
GINGER
Oh.
(sultry)
Oh. Oh, Gilligan.
Ginger puckers and moves in on Gilligan. Gilligan turns and hits his head on the bamboo pole. He slides down to the ground. Ginger gives an aside glance, shrugs, and then looks down at Gilligan.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT./EXT. HOWELL PRIVATE COUNTRY CLUB - NIGHT
SIGN READS "HOWELL PRIVATE COUNTRY CLUB"
PAN DOWN TO GATE
Skipper comes up to the gate. Skipper knocks. Mr. Howell comes to the door and opens the "peephole" to see who knocks. Skipper knocks on Mr. Howell's head.
MR HOWELL
Oh.
SKIPPER
I'm sorry, Mister Howell.
MR HOWELL
I'm sorry. No one under the rank of Rear Admiral is permitted in the club.
Mr. Howell closes the peephole.
SKIPPER
Mister Howell.
MR HOWELL
Yes, what's that?
SKIPPER
Read this and weep.
MR HOWELL
Read that.
(reads)
"I.O.U., Gilligan." Oh.
Mr. Howell reads the I.O.U. Skipper opens the gate and enters.
SKIPPER
Oh, and Mister Howell, I like my deck chair to face the lagoon.
(tips cap)
Missus Howell.
Skipper proceeds into the Country Club. Mary Ann arrives at the gate.
MR HOWELL
Nice. Oh, my goodness. What are we going to do with him?
MRS HOWELL
What are we going to do with her?
Mr. Howell speaks through the peephole in the gate.
MR HOWELL
Oh, I'm terribly sorry, my dear. The servant's entrance is to the rear.
Mary Ann opens the gate and enters.
MARY ANN
I couldn't care less. I am a member, you know. My I.O.U., please.
Mary Ann hands Mr. Howell an I.O.U.
MR HOWELL
Your I.O.U. Yes, Of course.
SKIPPER
reclines on a deck chair. Mary Ann joins him.
SKIPPER
Oh, hello, Mary Ann.
MARY ANN
Hello, Skipper.
BACK TO SCENE
MR HOWELL
The world is crumbling, Lovey.
Ginger arrives at the gate.
MRS HOWELL
Thurston, she's sitting in my chair. Oh! She's using my fan.
GINGER
Ahem. Ahem.
MR HOWELL
Look who has a card of admittance.
Ginger hands an I.O.U. through the peephole.
GINGER
Beg your pardon.
Ginger opens the gate and enters.
MR HOWELL
Yes, I beg you.
GINGER
No autographs, positively no autographs.
Professor arrives at the gate.
MRS HOWELL
Thurston, she's in show business.
Professor speaks through the peephole.
PROFESSOR
I believe I'm in the right place, am I not?
Mr. Howell closes the peephole.
MR HOWELL
Yes, heaven's an egghead.
MRS HOWELL
With fifty thousand dollars.
Professor hands an I.O.U. through the peephole.
MR HOWELL
They're the worst kind. I.O.U. Yeah. Come right in.
Professor enters.
PROFESSOR
Thank you, Thurston, Lovey.
Gilligan, dressed in his Country Club blazer, arrives at the gate.
MR HOWELL
Thurston and Lovey! I never--
Gilligan opens the gate and enters.
GILLIGAN
Well, I see everybody got here.
MR HOWELL
Yes, unless you lent some money to cannibals on neighboring islands.
GILLIGAN
No, just to our friends.
MR HOWELL
Betrayed by one of our own kind.
MRS HOWELL
Those terrible, nouveau riche.
MR HOWELL
Just look at them over there, Lovey.
DECK CHAIRS
Mary Ann and Professor share one chaise lounge chair. Skipper and Ginger share the other chaise lounge chair. Gilligan stands next to Professor.
PROFESSOR
I want to thank you very much.
SKIPPER
Well, but that was all right.
MRS. HOWELL AND MR. HOWELL
MR HOWELL
By Dow and by Jones, this island living has dulled my senses. I, Thurston Howell, the wizard of Wall Street, bought a pig in a poke. Lovey, did you ever see the sweepstakes tickets?
MRS HOWELL
No, dear.
MR HOWELL
Neither did I.
(shouts)
Gilligan!
The Howells move to the chaise lounge chairs.
CHAISE LOUNGE CHAIRS
GILLIGAN
Huh? You want to see me, Mister Howell?
MR HOWELL
Yes, I want to see your sweepstakes ticket in the treasury of this club. Against these fifty thousand dollar I.O.U.'s, collateral, you know what I mean?
GILLIGAN
Sure, Mister Howell, that's a rule.
MR HOWELL
That's a rule, it's a commandment. Hurry it up.
GILLIGAN, PROFESSOR, MR. HOWELL AND SKIPPER
MR HOWELL (cont'd)
My palm is getting moonburn.
GILLIGAN
It's gone.
MR HOWELL
Gone?
GILLIGAN
Gone.
MR HOWELL
Gone, and so are your friends.
CHAISE LOUNGE CHAIRS
MR HOWELL (cont'd)
Gone! Out of here!
Mr. Howell grabs Mary Ann by the arm and pulls her toward the door. Mr. Howell grabs Ginger by the shoulder and urges her out.
SKIPPER
Wait a minute, what is this? I want to read the bylaws.
Mr. Howell pushes Skipper out.
MR HOWELL
Bylaws, yes.
GILLIGAN
You can't treat my friends--
Mr. Howell removes the blazer from Gilligan.
MR HOWELL
And you leave the blazer with me!
Gilligan exits. Mrs. Howell hugs Mr. Howell.
MRS HOWELL
Oh, Thurston, you did that perfectly.
MR HOWELL
You forget I took basic training under Simon Legree.
FADE OUT
END OF ACT ONE
ACT TWO
FADE IN:
EXT. GILLIGAN'S ISLAND - ESTABLISHING SHOT
EXT. CAMP - DAY
Mary Ann, Professor, Skipper, and Ginger sit at the dining table. Gilligan stands.
SKIPPER
Oh, sure, but where do we start? Knowing Gilligan, that ticket could be any place.
GILLIGAN
No, it couldn't, Skipper. It's not in my pocket because I looked.
SKIPPER
Great. Where else couldn't it be, Gilligan?
SKIPPER, GILLIGAN, AND GINGER
GILLIGAN
Well, let's see. It couldn't be in that tin box buried down at the base of that big palm tree by the lagoon.
GINGER
I didn't know there was a tin box buried under that tree.
GILLIGAN
There isn't, that's why it couldn't be there.
MARY ANN AND PROFESSOR
PROFESSOR
Why don't we divide up into search parties? Mary Ann, you can search with me.
SKIPPER, GILLIGAN, AND GINGER
GINGER
I'll go with the Skipper.
GILLIGAN
Yeah, and I'll go with, uh, who?
PROFESSOR (O.S.)
Gilligan,...
MARY ANN AND PROFESSOR
PROFESSOR (
... you will be our special task force.
Mary Ann smiles.
SKIPPER, GILLIGAN, AND GINGER
SKIPPER
And try and not get in anybody's way.
GILLIGAN
Don't worry, Skipper, I'll do a real good job.
BACK TO SCENE
Gilligan runs toward the jungle, HITS a tree with his head, bounces back and tumbles into Skipper. They shrug.
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. GILLIGAN'S ISLAND - ESTABLISHING SHOT
Palm trees wave in the wind under a mostly blue sky sky. The Ocean is peaceful.
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. CAMP - DAY
Mary Ann and Professor sit at the dining table and read papers in their hands.
MARY ANN
I swear there isn't an inch of this island we haven't searched.
Skipper and Ginger enter.
PROFESSOR
Any luck?
GINGER
Not a bit.
SKIPPER
I just can't understand on an island this size why we can't find--
Gilligan runs in from the jungle.
GILLIGAN
A millionaire! A millionaire! I got the ticket! I'm a millionaire! Hi, everybody. Done searching?
PROFESSOR
Gilligan, where is the ticket?
MARY ANN
Where'd you find it?
GILLIGAN
I didn't.
GINGER
But you just said you did.
SKIPPER
You've just been yelling, "I got the... The millionaire...." Where is the ticket?
GILLIGAN
Oh, that.
SKIPPER
Yes, that.
GILLIGAN
Well, I figured I'd get real smart and do exactly what I did yesterday, exactly the same, and I'd find the ticket.
SKIPPER
Yes, and--
GILLIGAN
Well, yesterday I began yelling, "I got a ticket! I'm a millionaire!"
Skipper places his hand over Gilligan's mouth.
SKIPPER
All right, Gilligan, we get the idea.
Skipper releases Gilligan.
GILLIGAN
I still didn't find the ticket.
PROFESSOR
Nor did we.
Ginger holds out bubble gum wrappers and a baseball card.
GINGER
We found everything else that you lost on the island since we landed. Your bubble gum wrappers and your baseball card.
Skipper shows a library card and a bank book.
SKIPPER
Yes, and your library card and your bank book.
Skipper hands those items to Gilligan.
MARY ANN
And the pages you've been tearing off the calendar.
Mary Ann sets the calendar pages on the table.
PROFESSOR
And that great American novel you keep starting.
Professor hands the novel pages to Gilligan.
GILLIGAN
Well, at least we did clean up the island.
SKIPPER
Yes, Gilligan, we cleaned up the island.
Gilligan reaches out to Ginger to take the gum wrappers and baseball card.
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. BOYS HUT - ESTABLISHING SHOT
INT. HOWELLS HUT - NIGHT
Mrs. Howell enters through the beads hanging to separate the rooms. Mr. Howell lies in his bed with three pillows stacked behind his head.
MRS HOWELL
Go to sleep, Thurston, it's getting late.
MR HOWELL
Sleep does not come easy these nights, Lovey.
MRS HOWELL
Aw, you're still upset.
MR HOWELL
Think that I, Thurston Howell the Third, should be taken in by a pink-cheeked boy, accepting a piece of paper I never saw. He says he has and he says he lost. I don't know if he did or whether he didn't.
MRS HOWELL
You're beginning to sound like Gilligan.
MR HOWELL
Don't say that name.
MRS HOWELL
Right, darling. Good night.
They kiss. Mrs. Howell blows out the candle. Mr. Howell pulls Teddy out from under the covers. Mr. Howell mutters as he falls asleep.
MR HOWELL
I, Thurston Howell, who always insisted on seeing things in writing. Should have demanded, should have insisted on seeing it in writing. Seeing it in writing. Seeing it in writing. Seeing it in writing. Seeing it in writing. Writing.
RIPPLE DISSOLVE TO:
DREAM SEQUENCE - EXT. OLD WEST TOWN - DAY
Prospector Howell enters town carrying a leather bag of gold and a donkey. He kicks up his heels and dances as he pulls the donkey into town.
PROSPECTOR HOWELL
Oh! I struck gold! I struck it rich! A millionaire! Come along, sea biscuit! Yes, sir. I struck gold! You hear me? I'm rich!
Banker Hinkley enters. He has a cigar in his mouth.
BANKER HINKLEY
Hey, did I hear you say gold, you bearded old desert rat?
PROSPECTOR HOWELL
I got enough gold here to fill every tooth between here and Saint Louis.
BANKER HINKLEY
Well, in that case, you just come right on into my office, you kindly old man.
Prospector Howell follows Banker Hinkley into the Claims Office. Prospector Howell drops the donkey's rein.
PROSPECTOR HOWELL
Yeah, you mind if I double-park? There, baby. All right, son. You gotta help me. I've been out there. You're a nice fella, I like you. Oh, oh, my goodness, son.
Banker Hinkley enters the Claims Office and pulls Prospector Howell inside.
INT. CLAIMS OFFICE - DAY
Banker Hinkley, cigar still in his mouth, takes the bag of gold from Prospector Howell, opens the leather bag and places the contents on a scale. He tosses the leather bag aside.
PROSPECTOR HOWELL
Forty years digging in the rivers. Forty years tunneling the mountains. Forty years in the hills. How much is that?
BANKER HINKLEY
That's a hundred and twenty years.
PROSPECTOR HOWELL
I don't mean that. I haven't had a bath in forty years.
Banker Hinkley uses a red pen to write out Prospector Howell's deed.
PROSPECTOR HOWELL (cont'd)
What are you doing there, boy?
BANKER HINKLEY
I'm making out your deed. Proof that you're worth one million dollars.
PROSPECTOR HOWELL
Oh, keep writing.
Banker Hinkley hands Prospector Howell the deed.
BANKER HINKLEY
There you are, sir. And I wouldn't lose that little piece of paper if I were you. That ticket is worth one million dollars.
Prospector Howell folds the deed in half and puts it in his outside left coat pocket.
PROSPECTOR HOWELL
Ah! One million dollars! How much do I owe you for your services, son? I like you, you know.
BANKER HINKLEY
My fee is fifty thousand dollars.
Prospector Howell takes out a pencil and pad of paper to write the I.O.U.
PROSPECTOR HOWELL
Fifty thousand dollars! It's worth every cent of it. You don't mind I'll write an I.O.U. against this deed, do you? That's my signature.
BANKER HINKLEY
You know, sir, a man of your wealth needs protection. Marshal Gilligan is the man for you.
PROSPECTOR HOWELL
Who's that?
BANKER HINKLEY
Marshal Gilligan.
Prospector Howell hands Banker Hinkley the I.O.U.
PROSPECTOR HOWELL
Never heard of him. Here, son.
MARSHAL GILLIGAN
appears at the claims office door. He steps in.
MARSHAL GILLIGAN
I hear someone call the Marshal?
Banker Hinkley runs up to Marshal Gilligan, grabs him by the arm and brings him to Prospector Howell.
BANKER HINKLEY
Oh, there you are, Marshal. This gentleman right here, Marshal.
PROSPECTOR HOWELL
Yes.
MARSHAL GILLIGAN
This dirty, bearded, desert rat, and you call him a gentleman?
BANKER HINKLEY
He's worth a million dollars.
PROSPECTOR HOWELL
That's right, yes.
MARSHAL GILLIGAN
(to Banker Hinkley)
Like I was saying, can't judge a man by the clothes he's wearing.
PUSH IN TO MARSHAL GILLIGAN AND PROSPECTOR HOWELL
PROSPECTOR HOWELL
Yes, I understand, son. This is a rough, tough shooting town, huh?
MARSHAL GILLIGAN
Rough, tough? Mister, anyone past thirty here's a tourist.
PROSPECTOR HOWELL
Well, I better get me a gunfighter to protect me. Worth fifty thousand dollars, yes.
MARSHAL GILLIGAN
Mister, you trying to buy a U.S. Marshal?
PROSPECTOR HOWELL
Course not.
MARSHAL GILLIGAN
That's funny, 'cause you just bought yourself one.
Prospector Howell removes a pencil from his shirt and writes out an I.O.U. on a pad of paper.
PROSPECTOR HOWELL
And here's an I.O.U. for fifty thousand dollars. I got it against my deed. That's my signature. There you are. Now, let's go to a saloon and celebrate, huh?
MARSHAL GILLIGAN
Follow me.
PROSPECTOR HOWELL
Dancing girls hugging and squeezing. I haven't had a bath in forty years.
MARSHAL GILLIGAN
I know.
They exit.
EXT. SALOON - ESTABLISHING SHOT
MARSHAL GILLIGAN
Go on. I'll cover the rear.
Prospector Howell enters through the double-hinged doors on the saloon. Marshal Gilligan holds his gun, covering for anyone coming behind them. He backs his way into the saloon.
PROSPECTOR HOWELL
Here, you cover me from the rear.
As Prospector Howell goes through the doors, they swing and hit Marshall Gilligan in the back. Startled, he FIRES his gun at the floor.
INT./EXT. SALOON - DAY
Prospector Howell walks to the bar. Marshal Gilligan turns and enters through the double-hinged doors.
PROSPECTOR HOWELL
Oh, everybody, belly up to the bar, boys.
Ginger La Plante bar tends.
GINGER LA PLANTE
I hear you struck it rich, sir.
PROSPECTOR HOWELL OVER GINGER LA PLANTE'S SHOULDER
PROSPECTOR HOWELL
The news travels fast in these parts, huh?
GINGER LA PLANTE OVER PROSPECTOR HOWELL'S SHOULDER
GINGER LA PLANTE
Well, nothing gets past Ginger LaPlante, sir, owner of the Last Chance Gambling and Drinking Saloon.
Ginger La Plante drinks a shot.
PROSPECTOR HOWELL
I like you, girl. You're all right.
GINGER LA PLANTE
I like you, too, sir.
PROSPECTOR HOWELL OVER GINGER LA PLANTE'S SHOULDER
PROSPECTOR HOWELL
Thank you.
Ginger La Plante pours a shot of whiskey for Prospector Howell.
GINGER LA PLANTE
Drink on the house.
PROSPECTOR HOWELL
Yeah, you pour it so gracefully.
Prospector Howell drinks the shot.
GINGER LAPLANTE AND PROSPECTOR HOWELL
He falls to his knees while hanging onto the bar. He pulls himself back up and pounds his fist on the table.
PROSPECTOR HOWELL OVER GINGER LA PLANTE'S SHOULDER
Prospector Howell pounds his fist to his chest.
PROSPECTOR HOWELL (cont'd)
That's smooth.
GINGER LA PLANTE OVER PROSPECTOR HOWELL'S SHOULDER
GINGER LA PLANTE
How about another drink on the house?
Ginger La Plante pours another shot.
PROSPECTOR HOWELL OVER GINGER LA PLANTE'S SHOULDER
PROSPECTOR HOWELL
Don't mind if I do. A gracious here's to you.
Prospector Howell drinks the shot of whiskey.
GINGER LAPLANTE AND PROSPECTOR HOWELL
He falls to his knees while hanging onto the bar. He pulls himself back up.
PROSPECTOR HOWELL OVER GINGER LA PLANTE'S SHOULDER
PROSPECTOR HOWELL (cont'd)
Oh, that's great whiskey. I haven't had a drink of whiskey in forty years.
GINGER LA PLANTE OVER PROSPECTOR HOWELL'S SHOULDER
GINGER LA PLANTE
We serve nothing but the best, sir. It's been aged for a solid week.
PROSPECTOR HOWELL OVER GINGER LA PLANTE'S SHOULDER
PROSPECTOR HOWELL
I think I'll have another round.
Prospector Howell drinks from the whiskey bottle. He pours a bit onto his shirt collar and dabs a bit behind his ears.
PROSPECTOR HOWELL (cont'd)
How much do I owe you?
GINGER LA PLANTE OVER PROSPECTOR HOWELL'S SHOULDER
GINGER LA PLANTE
Well, let's see. That's two drinks on the house and one that you bought yourself. I'd say that's fifty thousand dollars, sir.
PROSPECTOR HOWELL OVER GINGER LA PLANTE'S SHOULDER
Prospector Howell takes out a pencil and paper pad and writes out an I.O.U.
PROSPECTOR HOWELL
Oh, that's reasonable enough. I'll just give you my I.O.U. Here you are.
GINGER LA PLANTE
Thank you, sir.
PROSPECTOR HOWELL
My signature.
GINGER LA PLANTE
Thanks.
PROSPECTOR HOWELL
There you go. You know, I haven't had a bath in forty years.
GINGER LA PLANTE OVER PROSPECTOR HOWELL'S SHOULDER
GINGER LA PLANTE
I know.
Prospector Howell steps away from the bar.
MARSHAL GILLIGAN AND MARY ANN
Marshal Gilligan stands guard, holding his gun out to ensure no one jumps Prospector Howell's deed. Mary Ann enters through the saloon double-hinged doors.
MARY ANN
Marshal.
Marshal Gilligan turns and points the gun at Mary Ann.
MARSHAL GILLIGAN
Keep your hands where I can see them.
MARY ANN
Oh, Marshal, it's just me, sweet little warm-hearted girl of the Golden West.
MARSHAL GILLIGAN
Why are you crying, Mary Ann?
Prospector Howell enters behind Marshal Gilligan.
PROSPECTOR HOWELL
Would you like a little drink on me? Would you like a little drink?
MARY ANN
Oh, dare I say it in front of a stranger?
PROSPECTOR HOWELL
Well, I'm not a stranger. I'm a friend of your father's.
MARY ANN OVER PROSPECTOR HOWELL'S SHOULDER
MARY ANN
Was.
PROSPECTOR HOWELL OVER MARY ANN'S SHOULDER
PROSPECTOR HOWELL
You mean he passed over?
MARY ANN OVER PROSPECTOR HOWELL'S SHOULDER
MARY ANN
Helped by the Apache.
PROSPECTOR HOWELL OVER MARY ANN'S SHOULDER
PROSPECTOR HOWELL
Well, your mother and me, we were kind of friendly.
MARY ANN OVER PROSPECTOR HOWELL'S SHOULDER
MARY ANN
Pushed out by the Cherokee.
PROSPECTOR HOWELL OVER MARY ANN'S SHOULDER
PROSPECTOR HOWELL
Your brother Tom?
MARY ANN OVER PROSPECTOR HOWELL'S SHOULDER
MARY ANN
Sioux.
PROSPECTOR HOWELL OVER MARY ANN'S SHOULDER
PROSPECTOR HOWELL
Your sister Emily?
MARY ANN OVER PROSPECTOR HOWELL'S SHOULDER
MARY ANN
Navajo.
PROSPECTOR HOWELL OVER MARY ANN'S SHOULDER
PROSPECTOR HOWELL
Your dear, sweet, ancient little grandmother?
MARY ANN OVER PROSPECTOR HOWELL'S SHOULDER
MARY ANN
Shot by the Marshal.
MARSHAL GILLIGAN, PROSPECTOR HOWELL, AND MARY ANN
MARSHAL GILLIGAN
Well, you can't win them all.
PROSPECTOR HOWELL
Never mind them killings, honey. Why, why all them tears?
MARY ANN OVER PROSPECTOR HOWELL'S SHOULDER
MARY ANN
I need fifty thousand dollars to help save my ranch.
PROSPECTOR HOWELL OVER MARY ANN'S SHOULDER
Prospector Howell removes a pencil and pad from his shirt and writes out an I.O.U. for Mary Ann.
PROSPECTOR HOWELL
Is that all that's bugging you, boobie? I'm just going to lay on the I.O.U. on you hear for it. Help me, I've kind of got the shakes, you understand?
MARY ANN OVER PROSPECTOR HOWELL'S SHOULDER
MARY ANN
Thank you, kind sir.
PROSPECTOR HOWELL OVER MARY ANN'S SHOULDER
PROSPECTOR HOWELL
You know, I haven't had a bath in forty years.
MARY ANN OVER PROSPECTOR HOWELL'S SHOULDER
Mary Ann sniffs her handkerchief. A tear runs down her cheek.
MARY ANN
I know.
PROSPECTOR HOWELL OVER MARY ANN'S SHOULDER
MARSHAL GILLIGAN, PROSPECTOR HOWELL, MARY ANN AND CARD SHARK GRUMBY
Card Shark Grumby sits at a table with a small, disordered pile of poker chips, and a bottle of whiskey sitting on the table. A single flower sits in a vase on the table.
PROSPECTOR HOWELL
Gambling, that's what I like. Stranger, you mind if I sit in here?
Prospector Howell takes a seat at the table. Card Shark Grumby shuffles the cards.
CARD SHARK GRUMBY
I reckon there's enough room.
PROSPECTOR HOWELL
You know, I haven't had a bath in forty years.
The flower in the vase wilts.
CARD SHARK GRUMBY
We know. What's your game, partner.
PROSPECTOR HOWELL
Three-card monte is my game.
Card Shark Grumby places the deck on the table.
CARD SHARK GRUMBY
Cut 'em.
PROSPECTOR HOWELL
I cut 'em.
Card Shark Grumby restacks the deck and deals three cards to Prospector Howell and four cards to himself.
PROSPECTOR HOWELL (cont'd)
Wait a minute.
PROSPECTOR HOWELL
PROSPECTOR HOWELL (cont'd)
Four cards for three-card money?
CARD SHARK GRUMBY
CARD SHARK GRUMBY
Everything's gone up.
PROSPECTOR HOWELL
looks down at the table.
CARD SHARK GRUMBY
looks at his hand. He's startled and gives an aside glance.
PROSPECTOR HOWELL
looks at his own hand of cards. He's positively amazed.
CARD SHARK GRUMBY
gives an aside glance and then looks down at his hand of cards.
CARD SHARK GRUMBY (cont'd)
I bet fifty thousand.
PROSPECTOR HOWELL
reaches into his pocket for a pencil and pad of paper to write the I.O.U. He places the I.O.U. in the kitty.
PROSPECTOR HOWELL
I'll give you an I.O.U. I'll just cover that. It's a little soggy. Why don't you...
(looks at hand)
Three aces.
Card Shark Grumby pulls a gun.
CARD SHARK GRUMBY (O.S.)
Hold it.
PROSPECTOR HOWELL AND CARD SHARK GRUMBY
pulls a gun and points it at Prospector Howell.
CARD SHARK GRUMBY
I've got four aces.
PROSPECTOR HOWELL
Just like you said, everything's gone up.
They stand. Prospector Howell raises both hands.
CARD SHARK GRUMBY
Yeah. It's been kind of a long game. I think I'm going to turn in. How about paying me the fifty thousand you owe me?
PROSPECTOR HOWELL
I gave you my I.O.U. right there.
CARD SHARK GRUMBY
Sure, but how do I know that's good?
PROSPECTOR HOWELL
I've got a million dollar mine. I've got a piece of paper to prove it.
Card Shark Grumby gives an aside glance.
CARD SHARK GRUMBY
I ain't seen no piece of paper.
Prospector Howell searches for the deed.
PROSPECTOR HOWELL
I've got it on me, if you'll just--
CARD SHARK GRUMBY
Watch it.
PROSPECTOR HOWELL
I lost it. I lost it.
CARD SHARK GRUMBY
A likely story.
PROSPECTOR HOWELL
No, but I had it. I had it.
CARD SHARK GRUMBY
Marshal! What are we going to do about this man?
Marshal Gilligan points his gun at Prospector Howell.
MARSHAL GILLIGAN
You're under arrest.
Marshal Gilligan escorts Prospector Howell over to the bar. Banker Hinkley enters with a rope.
BANKER HINKLEY
I've got a better idea. Let's hang the desert rat.
MARY ANN
Oh, he deserves it! Giving the girl of the Golden West a bum I.O.U.
PROSPECTOR HOWELL
Somebody's got to do something for me.
GINGER LA PLANTE
I'll do something for you.
Ginger La Plante tosses a shot of whiskey at Prospector Howell.
PROSPECTOR HOWELL
Oh, thank you. I sure needed that.
Prospector Howell picks up a whiskey shot on the bar and drinks it quickly. Banker Hinkley wraps the rope around Prospector Howell's neck.
PROSPECTOR HOWELL (cont'd)
Wait a minute, Marshal. You've got to help me.
Banker Hinkley tightens the rope into a noose.
MARSHAL GILLIGAN
Marshal, what Marshal?
(removes badge and tosses it on the floor)
I'm just a fellow you owe fifty thousand dollars to.
PROSPECTOR HOWELL
You can't hang me because I can't prove I'm a millionaire.
Marshal Gilligan and Banker Hinkley drag Prospector Howell out of the saloon.
MARSHAL GILLIGAN
Who are you deceiving now, Howell?
PROSPECTOR HOWELL
I had a piece of paper, but I lost it.
MARSHAL GILLIGAN
Now, that's the worst crime of all.
PROSPECTOR HOWELL
Save me! Save me! Save me!
They exit through the double-hinged saloon doors.
END DREAM SEQUENCE.
RIPPLE DISSOLVE TO:
INT. HOWELLS HUT - NIGHT
Mr. Howell awakes from his dream. Mrs. Howell comes over to shake him awake.
MR HOWELL
Save me! Lovey, save me! Save me.
MRS HOWELL
Thurston, Thurston, you're having a bad dream.
MR HOWELL
Oh, I know. I know. It was terrible. I haven't time to tell you. I must get to Gilligan right away. Here, take Teddy.
Mr. Howell hands Teddy to Mrs. Howell. He tosses the covers back and gets out of bed. Mrs. Howell looks at Teddy.
FLIP TO:
INT. BOYS HUT - NIGHT
Gilligan sleeps in his top bunk. Mr. Howell and Mrs. Howell stand next to him. Mr. Howell shakes Gilligan.
MR HOWELL
Gilligan, wake up, wake up.
Gilligan groggily responds.
GILLIGAN
Who is it? What did I do now?
MR HOWELL
You didn't do anything. Everything's--
MRS HOWELL
Thurston had a bad dream, and he wants to tell you about it.
GILLIGAN
Did you see one of those monsters, big hairy monsters, that grabbed me around the throat?
BEDPOST
Nailed to it is an orange national sweepstakes ticket.
MR HOWELL (O.S.)
Gilligan, that Argentine sweepstakes ticket that you lost.
BACK TO SCENE
GILLIGAN
Oh, yeah, I lost it real good.
MR HOWELL
Yes, was it about three inches long and two inches wide?
GILLIGAN
Yep.
MR HOWELL
And was it orange colored?
GILLIGAN
Yep.
Mr. Howell grabs the ticket from the post and reads the number from the ticket.
MR HOWELL
And was the number G131131?
Gilligan takes the sweepstakes ticket from Mr. Howell.
GILLIGAN
Yeah, Mister Howell. That's it.
MRS HOWELL
Oh, Thurston, you found the ticket.
GILLIGAN
Yeah, and you found it in the first place you looked!
MR HOWELL
Well, just don't lie there. Tell your friends they're back in the club. Get along. That's it.
Gilligan hands the sweepstakes ticket back to Mr. Howell and climbs down from his bunk. Gilligan runs for the door. Mr. Howell holds up the sweepstakes ticket to the light. Gilligan turns back to Mr. Howell.
GILLIGAN
Oh, boy, oh, boy. Hey, Mister Howell, don't lose that ticket. It's the son of a gun to find.
Gilligan turns and exits the hut.
MR HOWELL
Don't I know it.
MRS HOWELL
Thurston, how much is a two-year-old sweepstake ticket worth?
MR HOWELL
Not a cent, but don't tell anyone. It's our little secret.
MRS HOWELL
Oh, darling, I always knew you had a heart.
MR HOWELL
Yeah, remind me to speak to the Professor. There must be a painless way to turn it back to stone.
Mrs. Howell pats Mr. Howell's cheek. They look at the sweepstakes ticket.
FADE OUT
END OF ACT TWO
TAG
FADE IN:
EXT. GOLF GREEN - DAY
Gilligan and Mr. Howell, wearing matching country club blazer, play golf. Gilligan putts. It misses the hole by a few inches.
MR HOWELL
Ah, ha, ha!
GILLIGAN AND MR. HOWELL
MR HOWELL (cont'd)
Good shot.
GILLIGAN
I missed.
MR HOWELL
Bad for you, good for me, that is. Let's get on with the game. It's my honor.
RADIO (V.O.)
(filtered)
We interrupt our musical program to bring you this news item from the United States. The winner of the ...
RADIO
RADIO (V.O.) (cont'd)
(filtered)
... one million non-taxable dollar Grand Sweepstakes Prize ...
GILLIGAN AND MR. HOWELL
RADIO (V.O.) (cont'd)
(filtered)
... will leave for Buenos Aires tonight by jetliner to pick up his cashier's check. When contacted at his home in ...
Gilligan fishes the sweepstakes ticket out of his pocket. Mr. Howell fidgets nervously.
GILLIGAN OVER MR.HOWELL'S SHOULDER
RADIO (V.O.) (cont'd)
(filtered)
... Peeling, Vermont, Mister Hugo Abernathy attributed his success to clean living and a lifetime of gambling.
Gilligan re-reads the sweepstakes ticket and realizes that he didn't win. Gilligan's mouth is agape.
MR HOWELL
Gilligan, your mouth is open.
Gilligan closes his mouth.
GILLIGAN
You knew. All along you knew.
MR. HOWELL OVER GILLIGAN'S SHOULDER
MR HOWELL
That it was last year's sweepstake ticket? Yes, yes.
GILLIGAN OVER MR.HOWELL'S SHOULDER
GILLIGAN
And you let me back in the club and all the others, too.
MR. HOWELL OVER GILLIGAN'S SHOULDER
Mr. Howell re-positions himself to putt.
MR HOWELL
Let's get on with the game, shall we?
GILLIGAN OVER MR.HOWELL'S SHOULDER
Gilligan smiles.
GILLIGAN
Mister Howell, you're not a mean, rotten, scary guy. You're a real nice guy.
MR. HOWELL OVER GILLIGAN'S SHOULDER
MR HOWELL
Well, that's one flaw in an otherwise sterling character. You dare breathe one word...
GILLIGAN
I won't.
MR HOWELL
I'll boil you in coconut oil and serve you with an apple in your mouth.
GILLIGAN AND MR. HOWELL
MR HOWELL (cont'd)
Let's get on with the game. Better yet, caddie.
GILLIGAN
Now you're talking and acting like the Mister Howell I know.
Mr. Howell yells at Gilligan.
MR HOWELL
Shut up, will you?
Gilligan cowers.
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. GILLIGAN'S ISLAND - ESTABLISHING SHOT
FADE OUT.
THE END