TEASER

FADE IN:

EXT. LAGOON - DAY

Gilligan enters the beach. He looks for birds to get their features.

GILLIGAN

Here, birdy, birdy, birdy! Here, birdy, birdy, birdy, birdy! Here, birdy, birdy, birdy, birdy! Here, birdy, birdy! Here birdy, birdy! Here birdy, birdy!

Gilligan exits into the jungle.

EXT. CAMP - DAY

Gilligan enters camp near the Supply Hut. He comes around the front of the hut and WHISTLES. Mr. Howell opens the Supply Hut window and calls to Gilligan.

MR HOWELL

Gilligan, my boy, come in here at once.

Gilligan walks to the door

INT. SUPPLY HUT - DAY

Gilligan opens the door and enters. Mr. Howell pulls him inside.

MR HOWELL

All right Gilligan, let's see the merchandise.

GILLIGAN

The merchandise?

MR HOWELL

Yes.

GILLIGAN

Oh, you mean the feath--?

MR HOWELL

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, please, Mrs. Howell might hear.

GILLIGAN

She's not even around here.

MR HOWELL

But you don't understand, she has very sensitive ears. Now, let's see what you have.

GILLIGAN

Okay.

Gilligan pulls his red rugby shirt up, revealing many colorful feathers that he pulls out.

MR HOWELL

Remind me to put some paper in your cage.

GILLIGAN

You're a very thoughtful husband, Mister Howell. Going to all this trouble to make a pillow for your wife.

MR HOWELL

Well, of course I want her to have the comforts of home.

MR. HOWELL OVER GILLIGAN'S SHOULDER

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

You see, she's been a true friend, a devoted companion. She has that one quality that every man wants in a woman.

GILLIGAN

She's loyal?

MR HOWELL

No, she's an heiress. She's loaded. Gilligan, these just won't do.

GILLIGAN OVER MR. HOWELL'S SHOULDER

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

I told you, now, forget about sparrows and pigeons.

MR. HOWELL OVER GILLIGAN'S SHOULDER

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

This is a pillow for a Howell. You've got to get feathers from more exotic birds, like flamingos and peacocks.

GILLIGAN OVER MR. HOWELL'S SHOULDER

GILLIGAN

I never saw any birds like that on the island.

MR HOWELL

You've got to stay with it, Gilligan. What you need is perspicacity and ingenuity.

GILLIGAN

I never saw any birds like that either.

BACK TO SCENE

Mr. Howell tosses the colorful feathers atop an already enormous pile of feathers.

MR HOWELL

Let's throw these in the reject pile. Must be a lot of bald birds. Now, look, you've got to get more feathers. And remember, this operation is on the que tee. If anyone finds out, they might tell Missus Howell. I hope you know how to keep a secret.

GILLIGAN

I do, Mister Howell.

MR HOWELL

All right, repeat my instructions.

GILLIGAN

No.

MR HOWELL

Why not?

GILLIGAN

It's a secret.

Mr. Howell growls at Gilligan.

WHIP PAN TO:

EXT. CAPE KENNEDY - DAY

RADIO TELESCOPE WITH OVERLAY "MEANWHILE - BACK AT CAPE KENNEDY"

Electronic NOISE and BEEPS.

EXT. AFMTC CENTRAL CONTROL - DAY

A U.S. flag flies over the installation.

INT. AFMTC CENTRAL CONTROL - DAY

A number of technicians work Central Control. A large map of the world is on the back wall. Bancroft sits at a control panel with Professor John Corwell. A technician enters and hands a report to Professor George Bancroft.

TECHNICIAN

Here you are, sir.

BANCROFT

(to Corwell)

Any audio contact?

Corwell listens on a headset.

CORWELL

Not a beep.

MONITOR

displays static.

CORWELL AND BANCROFT

BANCROFT

That T.V. camera should have activated ten minutes ago.

CORWELL

If the retro rockets are still firing, we'll get a soft landing.

BANCROFT

What good is it? We've got to activate that camera, or this whole picture probe of Mars is wasted.

CORWELL

Still got some time before the landing. Keep trying.

OUTDOOR LOUDSPEAKERS

CORWELL (V.O.)

(filtered)

Seven seconds before landing.

ANOTHER LOUDSPEAKER

CORWELL (V.O.) (cont'd)

(filtered)

Six seconds.

CORWELL AND BANCROFT

CORWELL

Five seconds.

BANCROFT

Got to get that picture!

CORWELL

Four seconds.

DEEP SPACE RADIO ANTENNA

CORWELL (V.O.)

(filtered)

Three seconds.

BANCROFT (V.O.)

COUNTDOWN TO TOUCHDOWN CLOCK

BANCROFT (V.O.) (cont'd)

We've got to make it!

CORWELL (V.O.)

Two seconds.

CORWELL AND BANCROFT

CORWELL

One second.

CONTROL PANEL OVER CORWELL'S AND BANCROFT'S SHOULDERS

Bancroft adjusts the controls, but no clear picture displays. It just shows static.

ANGLE FAVORING CORWELL OVER BANCROFT

CORWELL (cont'd)

Well, it's landed.

BANCROFT

But where?

CORWELL AND BANCROFT

Bancroft turns to Corwell.

BANCROFT (cont'd)

What part of Mars?

Corwell looks at Bancroft and shrugs.

WHIP PAN TO:

EXT. GILLIGAN'S ISLAND - ESTABLISHING SHOT

OVERLAY "MEANWHILE - BACK AT GILLIGAN'S ISLAND"

EXT. LAGOON BEACH - DAY

Mars probe sits on the the beach. The retro rocket flames and emits smoke. It makes electronic noise, BLEEPS and BLOOPS.

PULL BACK TO REVEAL

Mars probe sits on the lagoon beach.

FADE OUT

END OF TEASER

ACT ONE

FADE IN:

EXT. LAGOON BEACH - DAY

GILLIGAN

Here birdie. Here, birdie, birdie, birdie. Not little birdies, just big birdies. Is there a peacock or flamingo in the group? All I need is feathers for just one pillow. Please, birdie, birdie.

A large yellow feather drops down to Gilligan.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Oh, thank you.

BIRD

sits on a branch.

BACK TO SCENE

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Thank ...

Gilligan looks down at the feather he's holding. It is far larger than the bird he saw.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

You ... Whatever you are.

Gilligan continues his search while holding a large orange feather.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Here, birdie, birdie, birdies.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. AFMTC CENTRAL CONTROL - DAY

BANCROFT

I'll try this rheostat again.

EXT. LAGOON BEACH - DAY

LENS ASSEMBLY OF THE MARS PROBE

The lens moves around, the solar panels twist, and the probe makes electronic BLEEPS.

INT. AFMTC CENTRAL CONTROL - DAY

BANCROFT

That did it! We're getting pictures!

CORWELL

Wait a minute, look.

MONITOR

shows palm trees and huts.

CORWELL (V.O.)

Look.

CORWELL AND BANCROFT

BANCROFT

I can swear I saw a hut. A primitive hut.

CORWELL

Yes, I thought I saw it, too!

MONITOR OVER CORWELL'S AND BANCROFT'S SHOULDERS

BANCROFT

There it is again.

CORWELL AND BANCROFT

BANCROFT (cont'd)

A crudely built hut.

EXT. LAGOON BEACH - CONTINUOUS

LENS ASSEMBLY OF THE MARS PROBE

turns wildly and the lens pops out.

INT. AFMTC CENTRAL CONTROL - CONTINUOUS

MONITOR OVER BANCROFT'S AND CORWELL'S SHOULDERS

BANCROFT

Uh-oh, we've lost contact.

CORWELL AND BANCROFT

BANCROFT (cont'd)

Well, we both saw it. Somebody or something built that hut.

CORWELL

Right. There's some form of life on Mars.

They look at each other and then back to the monitor.

WHIP PAN TO:

EXT. LAGOON BEACH - DAY

Gilligan looks for birds over the lagoon.

GILLIGAN

Here, bird. Here, birdie. Here, birdie, birdie, birdie. Here, birdie.

Gilligan trips over the leg of the Mars probe.

GILLIGAN

lands on his back. He looks up at the

MARS PROBE

BLEEPing.

GILLIGAN

looks up at the Mars probe, astonished at first, and then scared. Gilligan screams.

BACK TO SCENE

Gilligan rolls over and gets up, and exits.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Skipper! Skipper! Skipper!

EXT. CAMP - DAY

Gilligan runs to the dining table from the jungle. Skipper, Mrs. Howell, and Mr. Howell sit at the table.

GILLIGAN

Hey, Skipper! Skipper! Skipper!

SKIPPER

What's wrong, Gilligan?

GILLIGAN

Oh, you should see it, Skipper. It's really weird and strange.

GILLIGAN AND SKIPPER

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

It's got these things on the side like this. It's got an eye. It's got an eye like that. It's got four legs sticking in the sand like--

MR HOWELL (O.S.)

Never mind that, Gilligan.

MRS. HOWELL AND MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

Did you get its feathers?

GILLIGAN AND SKIPPER

GILLIGAN

What do you mean, feathers?

MRS. HOWELL AND MR. HOWELL

MRS HOWELL

What's all this about feathers, darling?

MR HOWELL

Well, uh, feathers, uh--No, Gilligan's didn't say anything about feathers. No, what he was talking about, he meant the weather's report.

GILLIGAN AND SKIPPER

GILLIGAN

It's really spooky, Skipper. It's big and heavy and made out of something like a strange-looking metal.

Skipper stands.

SKIPPER

A strange-looking metal?

GILLIGAN

Yeah.

SKIPPER

Well, we'll have to get the Professor and investigate it.

GILLIGAN

Okay.

SKIPPER

Well, wait a minute. You'll have to show us where to investigate this big metal whatever it is.

GILLIGAN

It's back over there, Skipper.

Gilligan runs into Skipper.

FLIP TO:

EXT. LAGOON BEACH - DAY

Professor examines the Mars probe.

PROFESSOR

I'm convinced this vehicle is the final stage of an outer space research program.

GILLIGAN

Me, too.

PROFESSOR

It was obviously intended to relay some kind of information back to Earth.

GILLIGAN AND SKIPPER

Gilligan nods.

GILLIGAN

I agree.

SKIPPER

Gilligan, why don't you stop that? You don't know anything at all about space.

GILLIGAN

I know one thing about it. You take up more of it than I do.

SKIPPER

Very funny. Gilligan, there are three types of space. There's the space

(points up)

up there, the space

(points down)

down there, and the space between your ears.

BACK TO SCENE

PROFESSOR

Gilligan, I suggest you head back to camp and listen to the radio for some news about this. In the meantime, Skipper, I'll let you and I move this equipment to the clearing while we can work on it.

SKIPPER

Right.

FLIP TO:

INT. SUPPLY HUT - DAY

RADIO

sits on the table. Gilligan and Mr. Howell listen to the radio report.

RADIO (V.O.)

(filtered)

Cape Kennedy reports further developments on the Mars probe. There's no doubt in the minds of our top scientists that life may exist on the planet Mars.

GILLIGAN

Really?

RADIO (V.O.)

(filtered)

Really, folks. This conclusion was reached when photographs taken from the TV camera just before impact clearly revealed palm trees and primitive huts. They're doing their best to reactivate the camera which may have survived the landing. Stay tuned for further developments.

GILLIGAN

I'd better go tell the Skipper and the Professor.

MR HOWELL

Life on Mars!

EXT. CAMP - DAY

PROFESSOR

Well, there's no doubt about it, Skipper. This was meant to take photographs in space, perhaps the moon or even Mars.

GILLIGAN

Skipper, Professor, I've got news. I've got news.

SKIPPER

Well, good, good.

PROFESSOR

Say anything about this.

GILLIGAN

GILLIGAN

No, no. All they talked about was some pictures they took of Mars. And guess what? There's life on Mars because it has palm trees and huts just like we have.

PROFESSOR AND SKIPPER

SKIPPER

Oh, that's all very interesting, Gilligan, but it has nothing to do with us.

PROFESSOR

I'm afraid it does, gentlemen. Those palm trees and huts they're talking about are right here.

SKIPPER

Wait a minute, Professor. Say that again? You're beginning to sound like Gilligan.

PROFESSOR

Those pictures they're talking about were taken by this space camera.

SKIPPER

You mean they think this camera landed on Mars?

PROFESSOR

Exactly.

GILLIGAN

GILLIGAN

Then there is life on Mars because we're alive.

PROFESSOR AND SKIPPER

SKIPPER

Some of us are.

GILLIGAN

GILLIGAN

Imagine getting shipwrecked and landing on Mars. Boy, what a storm.

SKIPPER (O.S.)

Gilligan!

PROFESSOR (O.S.)

All right, Skipper.

PROFESSOR AND SKIPPER

PROFESSOR

Gilligan, you better get back to that radio and listen for further developments.

GILLIGAN

GILLIGAN

Right, Professor.

Gilligan exits.

PROFESSOR AND SKIPPER

PROFESSOR

Skipper, I've got an idea. If we can repair this camera, we might be able to let Cape Kennedy know we're here. However--

SKIPPER

Exactly. We've got all the parts. Why not?

PROFESSOR

As I was about to say, Skipper, we've got all the parts except the most important one, the lens. It must have fallen off on impact.

BACK TO SCENE

SKIPPER

Well, then it's got to be near the point of impact. We'll form a searching party and search every inch of ground. If there's a lens on this island, we'll find it.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. JUNGLE PATH - DAY

Mr. Howell and Mrs. Howell walk through the jungle looking for the Mars probe lens. Mr. Howell carries a BRUSH in his left jacket pocket. Mrs. Howell carries her lorgnette and wears an engagement ring with a large DIAMOND.

MRS HOWELL

Darling, you know we've been searching for almost an hour and something just occurred to me.

MR HOWELL

Uh, what's that?

MRS HOWELL

You haven't told me what we're searching for.

MR HOWELL

Oh, yes, yes, of course. Well, we're searching for a lens.

MRS HOWELL

Oh, a lens.

MR HOWELL

Yes.

MRS HOWELL

Darling, what's a lens?

MR HOWELL

It's a camera, you see. It looks like a piece of glass and it's round and about five inches wide.

MRS HOWELL

Oh, you just described the diamond in my engagement ring.

MR HOWELL

I'm afraid it's even larger than that. But it's very important. The Professor says we must find it at once.

MRS HOWELL

Oh. Oh, maybe it could have rolled under here. Oh, this bush is so dusty.

Mr. Howell removes the brush from his pocket and dusts the leaves of the bush.

MR HOWELL

Oh, yes, allow me, my dear. One thing I can't stand, that's a messy jungle.

Mr. Howell places the brush back into his pocket.

MRS HOWELL

Thank you, darling. Oh, Thurston, I found the lens!

Mrs. Howell reaches under the bush and picks up a piece of glass, the bottom of a sparkling wine bottle.

MR HOWELL

No, no, no, my dear!

(takes piece of glass)

That's the bottom from a bottle of bubbly. I've been throwing our empties there. Sort of our secret stash.

Mr. Howell tosses the bottle bottom back under the bush.

MRS HOWELL

Darling, you think of everything.

MR HOWELL

I know, dear.

They continue walking.

EXT. JUNGLE PATH - DAY

Ginger and Mary Ann walk through a different part of the jungle.

MARY ANN

Ginger, I'm exhausted. We've been looking for this thing for over an hour.

GINGER

I must be losing my touch. If there's a camera lens around, I usually find it.

MARY ANN

I don't understand, Ginger. Maybe the thing rolled over in here.

Mary Ann crouches down next to a large rock with a crevice opening near the bottom of the rock.

GINGER

We've looked everywhere else.

Ginger crouches down too. She puts her hand into the crevice.

INSIDE THE ROCK CREVICE

Ginger's hand feels around the sand. Another hand, that of Mrs. Howell, feels around the sand from the other side. Mrs. Howell wears the large DIAMOND on her hand. Mrs. Howell's hand reaches further in the crevice. Ginger feels around and touches the DIAMOND.

GINGER AND MARY ANN

GINGER (cont'd)

I feel something!

INSIDE THE ROCK CREVICE

Ginger grasps the DIAMOND.

MR. HOWELL AND MRS. HOWELL

crouch on the other side of the large rock.

MRS HOWELL

Thurston, there's something in there. Something with fingers!

MR HOWELL

Well, let's go! It might be a gorilla's nest.

MRS HOWELL

I can't. It's got me by my ring!

INSIDE THE ROCK CREVICE

Ginger firmly grasps Mrs. Howell's DIAMOND.

GINGER AND MARY ANN

GINGER

I think I found the camera lens! It's big, and it's round! It feels like glass!

MARY ANN

Well, pull it out, Ginger.

Ginger tugs on the DIAMOND.

GINGER

I can't. It's stuck.

MARY ANN

Here, I'll help.

Mary Ann puts her arms around Ginger.

MR. HOWELL AND MRS. HOWELL

Mrs. Howell tries to free her hand.

MR HOWELL

Pull, pull, Lovey!

MRS HOWELL

It's got me. I can't.

MR HOWELL

Let go of the ring! Anything! Pull, darling!

INSIDE THE ROCK CREVICE

Mrs. Howell pulls hard. Ginger's hand is pulled toward Mrs. Howell.

HIGH ANGLE

over Mr. Howell, Mrs. Howell, Ginger, Mary Ann, and the large rock.

Mrs. Howell SCREAMS as Ginger pulls the ring off Mrs. Howell's finger. Ginger and Mary Ann recognize the scream. They all stand.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

Oh, my dear. Oh, are you all right, precious?

Ginger and Mary Ann walk around the large rock to the other side to meet the Howells.

MARY ANN

Oh, it's Missus Howell!

Ginger holds the ring up.

GINGER

What a lovely ring.

Mr. Howell snatches the ring from Ginger and places it on Mrs. Howell's finger.

MR HOWELL

If you don't mind, it's never been off her finger since the day we were merged.

EXT. JUNGLE PATH - DAY

Skipper and Professor walk through the jungle and stop.

SKIPPER

Professor, I know this is a small island, but that lens could be in a million places.

PROFESSOR

Oh, on the contrary, Skipper. According to my calculations, figuring the area of impact, the angle of descent, and the fact that the lens is round and will roll, it has to be somewhere in this area.

SKIPPER

All right, if you say so. But I still say the chances of finding that lens are zero.

They exit.

EXT. JUNGLE - DAY

GILLIGAN

listens to the radio.

PULL BACK

to reveal Professor and Skipper approach.

PROFESSOR

Hi, Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

Oh, hi.

The men walk on by.

PUSH IN TO GILLIGAN

as he listens to MUSIC playing on the radio. Gilligan realizes Professor and Skipper are heading to the Supply Hut.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

(to himself)

The Supply Hut. Mister Howell's feathers.

(whispers)

They'll find them. Oh!

EXT. SUPPLY HUT - DAY

PROFESSOR AND SKIPPER

emerge from the jungle. They look around the ground as they walk. Gilligan races to block the door to the Supply Hut.

SKIPPER

Gilligan, what are you doing?

GILLIGAN

Who, me?

SKIPPER

I don't recall anybody else on this island named Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

I'm not standing here. I'm just standing here.

PROFESSOR

I asked you to listen to the radio.

GILLIGAN

Oh, I did, Professor. I listened real good. I heard a new song that goes,

(sings)

  "Don't go in there, yeah, yeah,     yeah.
  There's nothing in there, yeah,     yeah, yeah."

PROFESSOR

Gilligan--

SKIPPER

Never mind, Professor. I know exactly what he's trying to do.

PROFESSOR

You do?

SKIPPER

Yes, he doesn't want us to go into the Supply Hut.

GILLIGAN

Supply Hut? Who said anything about a Supply Hut? I mean, you told me to stand here, and I said I was just standing here. You said to listen to the radio, and I listened to the radio, and a new song went,

(sings)

  "Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.     Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah."

SKIPPER

Gilligan! Now, what it is is the fact that he's probably got

one of his famous collections in there, one of those banana skin collections, or maybe it's a clamshell identification bracelet.

GILLIGAN

There's nothing in there but a bunch of feathers.

Gilligan realizes his error in revealing the secret and covers his own mouth.

SKIPPER

Feathers? What feathers?

Gilligan briefly removes his hand from his mouth.

GILLIGAN

It's a secret.

Gilligan re-covers his mouth.

SKIPPER

What's a secret?

Gilligan uncovers his mouth.

GILLIGAN

The feathers I'm collecting from Missus Howell's secret pillow.

PROFESSOR

Gilligan, will you get back and listen to that radio! We are trying to do something important here!

SKIPPER

Exactly. We couldn't care less whether you had a feather off the goose that laid the golden egg.

GILLIGAN

What goose?

SKIPPER

The goose that laid the golden egg. You know, in the fairy tale.

GILLIGAN

Laid a golden egg?

Professor looks down.

SKIPPER

Yes, Gilligan. Once upon a time, there was a goose, and this goose laid a golden egg. Now, this goose was very important in the time. Oh, never mind, Gilligan.

PROFESSOR

Please, please get back to that radio!

SKIPPER

Exactly!

GILLIGAN

You guys won't take any of the feathers when I'm not looking, will you?

PROFESSOR

We have more important things to do!

SKIPPER

Will you get over to that radio?

GILLIGAN

Yes, sir.

Gilligan exits.

SKIPPER

I wonder where that feather rolled. Where that feather rolled! Where the lens rolled! Professor, one of these days, right there.

Skipper gestures to throttle Gilligan's neck. They exit.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. BOYS HUT - DAY

Skipper and then Professor enter. A curtained closet stands to the left. Skipper sits down at the table where Gilligan listens to the radio.

RADIO (V.O.)

(filtered)

There may be some scattered clouds later today, but all indications point to clear and fair weather the remainder of the week.

Professor dips a ladle into a fresh water storage barrel sitting on a small table under the window by the door.

GILLIGAN

There's no more news in the radio about Mars.

Professor drinks water from the ladle.

SKIPPER

Well, it doesn't make any difference now, anyway.

PROFESSOR

Yeah, We can't work the camera without the lens.

Professor drinks from the ladle again.

SKIPPER

Exactly. We might as well start dinner. Gilligan, get that fire started.

GILLIGAN

Yes, sir.

Professor returns the empty ladle to the water barrel.

SKIPPER

Wait a minute, I'll give you some matches.

GILLIGAN

Oh, I don't need matches. I got this neat magnifying glass I found.

Professor grabs the lens from Gilligan.

PROFESSOR

Gilligan, you found the camera lens.

GILLIGAN

Huh?

SKIPPER

Little buddy, you found it. You found it.

Gilligan takes the lens back from Professor.

GILLIGAN

This?

PROFESSOR

Yes, that lens may save all of us.

GILLIGAN

Oh, boy, oh, boy.

Gilligan holds the lens between his hands and excitedly shakes the lens up and down. Gilligan claps and the lens flies upward out of his hands.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Yippee! Yippee! Yippee! Yippee!

The lens CRASHES and SHATTERS. The joy disappears from Professor's and Skipper's faces.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

(to Skipper)

Maybe you better give me the matches.

SKIPPER

(angrily, through his teeth)

I'll give you the matches!

Skipper removes his cap. Gilligan uses his arms to cover his head. Skipper strikes Gilligan's belly with his cap. Professor steadies himself on the table.

FADE OUT

END OF ACT ONE

ACT TWO

FADE IN:

INT. AFMTC CENTRAL CONTROL - DAY

A CBS newscaster stops Bancroft and Corwell as they enter the control room. The newscaster holds a CBS-branded microphone to ask Professor Bancroft questions. Bancroft and Corwell wear smocks over their clothes. Bancroft wears glasses.

NEWSCASTER

Professor Bancroft, the outside world is anxiously awaiting developments on the Mars probe. Have you had any further visual contact, sir?

The newscaster moves the microphone to record Bancroft.

BANCROFT

Not yet. We're hoping that the technical problem lies here with us and that the cameras themselves have not been damaged. We're still trying to reactivate them.

The newscaster moves the microphone to himself.

NEWSCASTER

Based on your earlier photographs, do you still expect to find further evidence of life on Mars?

BANCROFT

Well, at this point, we'd rather not speculate.

Bancroft looks to Corwell.

CORWELL AND BANCROFT

The newscaster pulls the microphone back slightly, but moves it back to Bancroft as he continues.

BANCROFT (cont'd)

However,

(removes glasses)

upon closer examination of the primitive huts in the enlarged photos, there is a strong possibility that some type of intelligent being exists there. On the other hand...

CORWELL

George. Do you remember Washington's orders?

Corwell moves two fingers to his lips. Bancroft sheepishly looks at the newscaster and places his glasses back on. Bancroft looks down at the newscaster's microphone.

BANCROFT

Could I please change all that to "no comment"?

Corwell looks at the newscaster.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. CAMP - DAY

A large broad leaf sits on the table. Upon it are pieces of the Mars probe lens. Professor's hand places one piece to complete the lens.

PULL BACK

to reveal Skipper, Mr. Howell, Gilligan, and Professor standing by the table.

GILLIGAN

Please, yell at me. I can't stand the tone of what you're not saying.

PROFESSOR

We know you didn't mean to smash the lens, Gilligan. We're just trying to figure out what to do now.

SKIPPER

Well, if they can activate this equipment bag at Cape Kennedy, we've got to have this ready and fixed.

MR HOWELL

Well, I'll finance you in whatever you need.

GILLIGAN

It's too bad we can't send for a TV repairman.

SKIPPER AND MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

A TV repairman? Look, I don't mind golden time, double time, but TV repairman time, I mean, even I couldn't afford that.

SKIPPER

Now, now, let's let the professor concentrate.

BACK TO SCENE

PROFESSOR

It'll take more than concentration. Somehow we've got to get this lens together and make it function.

GILLIGAN

Maybe we could use rubber bands.

SKIPPER

Oh, that's a great idea, Gilligan, but where in the world are we going to get rubber bands?

GILLIGAN

Well, we could slice up my sneakers.

PROFESSOR

We all appreciate your sacrifice, Gilligan, but we need something to put this lens together that won't interfere with the TV picture. Some sort of glue.

MR HOWELL

Oh, we'll start drilling for some immediately.

SKIPPER AND MR. HOWELL

SKIPPER

Mister Howell, you don't drill for glue.

MR HOWELL

Oh, no? You should see some of the oil wells that I got stuck with.

(laughs)

Yeah! It's a joke. I thought it would alleviate the tensions.

BACK TO SCENE

Mr. Howell exits into the Supply Hut.

PROFESSOR

We could make some glue from tree sap. Strong enough glue. If we could boil down enough sap, we might get an organic resin that would work.

GILLIGAN

I'll get on it right away.

SKIPPER

Wait a minute, Gilligan. What do you know about getting sap out of a tree?

GILLIGAN

I know all about it, Skipper. I saw it in a movie once. You take a knife like this, see, and you go up to the tree, and you give it a slice like that, see?

Gilligan uses the knife to pierce the grass wall of the hut.

MR HOWELL (O.S.)

Heavens! I'm in shish kebabbed!

Mr. Howell opens the window and peers out of the Supply Hut.

MR HOWELL

Oh, oh, oh! Medic!

Gilligan exits.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

That smarts! The Chief of Staff!

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. TREE GROVE - DAY

A small set of trees stand with their tree bark scored by a knife. At the bottom of the scores is a bamboo tube to catch the sap. Gilligan rushes to the first tree with a pail to catch the sap. A trickle of sap runs from the tube. As Gilligan reaches the tree, the trickle stops. Gilligan taps the tree.

A second tree drips sap. Gilligan notices and moves from the first tree to the second. As he places the pail under the second tree's tube, the sap stops flowing and just drips. Gilligan hits the tree and kicks it with his foot.

FOUR TREES

stand in the grove. Gilligan moves to the third tree, but its sap stops flowing too. Gilligan hits the tree with his fist. Skipper enters and leans on the fourth tree. Gilligan runs back to the first tree and then to the fourth tree. Each time, the sap stops flowing shortly before Gilligan reaches the tree. Gilligan hits the fourth tree.

FAST MOTION

as Gilligan runs to the second tree, to the third tree, back to the first tree, then to the fourth tree. Gilligan hits the fourth tree with his palm.

SKIPPER

leans on the fourth tree and watches.

FAST MOTION

as Gilligan runs from the second tree to the third tree. He kicks it, and then runs back to the first tree. The hits that tree, kicks it, and then runs to the fourth tree.

GILLIGAN AND SKIPPER

GILLIGAN

Dumb tree!

A stream of sap flows from the tree, but ends in a dribble. Gilligan looks closely at the tube, but nervously backs away in case the sap flows again. Gilligan looks in his pail and sees how little sap he has collected.

SKIPPER

Gilligan, you don't have to do it that way. Just use four pails.

GILLIGAN

So why didn't I think of that?

SKIPPER

Gilligan, I think things out very carefully before I put my foot into ...

SKIPPER'S SHOES

stick in the sap.

SKIPPER (O.S.)

... anything. Well, now, hurry up!

BACK TO SCENE

Skipper steps out and walks a few paces. He turns and looks.

SKIPPER'S SHOES

stuck in a mass of sap, sand, and debris.

BACK TO SCENE

Skipper looks down.

SKIPPER'S SOCKED FEET

stuck in a mass of sap, sand, and debris.

BACK TO SCENE

Skipper turns back and steps. He looks down.

GILLIGAN'S FEET AND SKIPPER'S SOCKS

Skipper's socks stuck in sap and sand.

BACK TO SCENE

Skipper gives an aside glance and tries to move. He looks down.

SKIPPER'S FEET

stuck in a mass of debris, sap and sand.

BACK TO SCENE

Skipper squirms with his feet stuck in the sap and debris.

GILLIGAN

Skipper, it looks like you're stuck. Can I give you a hand?

SKIPPER

No, Gilligan, you can't give me a hand. But I would appreciate it if you'd put your neck right in there.

Skipper holds his hands as if to strangle Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

Skipper, are you sure you're stuck?

SKIPPER

Yes, Gilligan, I'm stuck.

GILLIGAN

Are you sure positively you're stuck?

SKIPPER

I'm sure positively I'm stuck.

GILLIGAN

Are you definitely positively sure you're stuck?

SKIPPER

(angrily)

I'm definitely positively sure I'm stuck!

Gilligan removes his hat and hits Skipper on the head with his hat, turns, and flees. Skipper growls in anger and frustration.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. CAMP - DAY

On the far end of the clearing from the Supply Hut, Gilligan tends to a kettle of sap boiling down into a translucent glue. The kettle sits over a fire. Gilligan uses a large stick to stir the thick glue. Skipper enters.

SKIPPER

Gilligan!

Gilligan turns to Skipper and the stick breaks with a SNAP.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

The Professor is waiting for the glue!

GILLIGAN

Okay, Skipper, it'll be ready in a minute.

Gilligan moves the upper half of the broken stick as if he exerts great effort. Skipper notices the broken stick.

SKIPPER

Gilligan, you'll never get finished that way. The stick is broken. Can't you see that?

Gilligan looks at the broken stick. He grasps the part of the stick that remains in the glue to stir it.

GILLIGAN

Oh, oh, yeah.

SKIPPER

Never mind stirring it anymore. You're gonna make butter out of it. It must be ready by now.

GILLIGAN

I'll test it, Skipper.

Gilligan sticks his finger in the glue and then in his mouth. Gilligan removes his finger, but his lips are stuck closed.

SKIPPER

Well?

Gilligan mumbles since he can't open his mouth. Skipper gives an aside glance. He places one hand over Giligan's nose and the other under his chin and tries to pull Gilligan's jaw apart, but fails. Skipper gives another aside glance and tries again, this time more vigorously. Gilligan's mouth opens with a POP.

GILLIGAN

It's ready, Skipper.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. CAMP - DAY

Professor and Skipper walk from the kettle of glue to the Mars probe. Gilligan continues to stir the kettle. Professor carefully fits the repaired lens onto the Mars probe.

PROFESSOR

There. That's about the best I can do, Skipper.

SKIPPER

You think the lens will work, Professor?

Professor uses a cloth to clean the lens.

PROFESSOR

We won't really know until remote control activates this camera.

WHIP PAN TO:

EXT. CAPE KENNEDY - DAY

TITLE: "MEANWHILE - BACK AT CAPE KENNEDY"

INT. AFMTC CENTRAL CONTROL - DAY

CORWELL

No, nothing yet, George.

A phone on the console BUZZES. Bancroft picks up the phone handset.

BANCROFT

Yes?

(looks at his own name badge)

Bancroft here.

Corwell rolls his eyes.

BANCROFT (cont'd)

Fine. Let us know when you're ready.

(to Corwell)

We're in luck, John! They think they found the problem. We're going to try another visual contact in thirty minutes.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. CAMP - DAY

PULL BACK FROM WOVEN SIGN THAT READS $0$

The castaways hold signs. Mr. Howell carries a bunch of cash in one hand and the "REWARD" sign in the other. Mrs. Howell holds the "$0$" sign. Skipper holds the "S.S. MINNOW SURVIVORS" sign, Ginger holds a "MAYDAY" sign, and Mary Ann holds a "HELP" sign.

MRS HOWELL

I think I should have worn another hat. This one won't photograph at all.

Ginger moves around the back of the group to position herself to the right of Mr. Howell.

SKIPPER

No, you're not too late, Mary Ann. He'll have it fixed in just a minute.

PROFESSOR

All right, everybody get ready.

PROFESSOR

stands by the Mars probe.

PROFESSOR (cont'd)

If and when they reactivate this equipment, we've all got to be ready to be on camera.

BACK TO SCENE

SKIPPER

Oh, we've got to be right in there

just so they can see the sign.

Ginger pushes to the front.

PROFESSOR (O.S.)

Hold it, hold it.

PROFESSOR

PROFESSOR

You'll all be in the picture.

BACK TO SCENE

Mr. Howell pushes through to join Ginger at the front.

MR HOWELL

There's no sense arguing about who stands in front of the camera. We'll do it the democratic way, according to who's who.

Mr. Howell holds up his handful of cash.

PROFESSOR

PROFESSOR

Wait a minute. Where's Gilligan?

BACK TO SCENE

SKIPPER

Gilligan! We can't forget our little buddy.

(shouts)

Gilligan, where are you?

GILLIGAN

stirs the glue kettle.

GILLIGAN

I'll be right there!

Gilligan turns to join the others, but realizes the kettle may get "dusty." He removes the stick and uses the wall of the kettle to remove excess glue.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Gee, I better cover it. One thing about glue, it's a real dust collector.

Gilligan puts the stick on the ground and then covers the glue kettle and joins the others at the back of the group.

BACK TO SCENE

SKIPPER

What are you doing back there, Gilligan? When the camera goes on, they won't be able to see you.

GILLIGAN

That's what I had in mind.

SKIPPER

What do you mean?

GILLIGAN

If I stand in front, the whole world will see me. And if the whole world sees me, that means the United States will see me. And if the United States sees me, that means my hometown will see me. And if my hometown sees me, that means my brother will see me. And if my brother sees me, he'll punch me because I'm wearing his shirt.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. CAMP - LATER

The castaways wait for something--anything--to happen. Professor stands with his arms crossed. The other castaways hold signs.

MARS PROBE

remains motionless and soundless.

BACK TO SCENE

PROFESSOR

I think we all better relax. Nothing seems to be happening.

MRS HOWELL

Let's go sit on the bench, huh?

SKIPPER

Gilligan, take the signs. Don't wander off now, Gilligan.

MARS PROBE

Gilligan stores the signs behind the Mars probe. He hops over the bamboo leg that supports it. Gilligan places the signs behind the probe and returns to the other castaways by hopping over the bamboo leg.

MRS HOWELL (O.S.)

Professor, how do we know when that thingamajig is working?

PROFESSOR, MARY ANN, AND SKIPPER

sit. Gilligan crosses behind them.

PROFESSOR

Oh, we'll know, Missus Howell. It'll start to hum.

MRS. HOWELL, MR. HOWELL, AND GINGER

sit on a nearby bench.

MR HOWELL

Hum? With the money we spend in space, you'd think they'd send up one that knows the lyrics.

GLUE KETTLE

boils and the lid rattles.

PROFESSOR, MARY ANN, SKIPPER, AND GILLIGAN

listen to the sound of the kettle.

SKIPPER

Do you all hear what I hear? Let's take our positions, quickly.

BACK TO SCENE

MARY ANN

Oh!

PROFESSOR

Now, wait a minute, folks. I hear what you hear, but it's not coming from the camera.

MARY ANN

It's coming from over there!

GLUE KETTLE

emits steam and shakes.

CASTAWAYS

face the glue kettle with their backs toward the Supply Hut.

SKIPPER

Gilligan, what did you do?

GILLIGAN

Nothing, Skipper. I covered the pot to keep it from getting dirty.

SKIPPER

But you know what happens when you cover a boiling pot with a lid!

GILLIGAN

No, what?

GLUE KETTLE

explodes and sends glue everywhere around camp!

BACK TO CASTAWAYS

Glue from the exploded kettle rains down on the castaways. The other castaways yell at Gilligan. He runs around a tree and then heads into the Supply Hut.

INT. SUPPLY HUT - DAY

Gilligan jumps onto the pile of feathers. Skipper and Mr. Howell pursue him. Feathers fly into the air. The other castaways catch up and dig into the pile of feathers, tossing more into the air. Screaming and yelling ensues.

SKIPPER

Where is he?

Skipper digs through the feathers to get to Gilligan.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Let me get my hands on him!

EXT. CAMP - DAY

The Supply Hut shakes from the activity inside. Feathers fly out the window in the door.

GILLIGAN

I want my fork! I need it quick!

INT. AFMTC CENTRAL CONTROL - DAY

Bancroft and Corwell sit at their control panel. The monitor displays static.

CORWELL

George, it's all go now from this end.

(crosses fingers)

Let's try it again.

Bancroft adjusts a control.

EXT. CAMP - DAY

The Mars probe activates and makes electronic BLEEPs and BOOPs. The solar panels twist and the lens moves around.

INT. AFMTC CENTRAL CONTROL - DAY

MONITOR OVER BANCROFT'S AND CORWELL'S SHOULDERS

displays a clear, monochrome picture of the castaways' camp.

BANCROFT

It's working, John! It's working! We did it!

REVERSE ANGLE

CORWELL

Yes, I can see the hut ...

MONITOR

displays palm trees and a bench.

CORWELL (O.S.)

... and the palm trees ...

REVERSE ANGLE

CORWELL

... but I don't see any sign of life.

BANCROFT

Let's try a wider angle on the lens.

MONITOR

displays the Supply Hut.

MONITOR WIDER ANGLE

reveals a person covered in feathers running from the Supply Hut followed by a fat person covered in feathers. A third figure covered in feathers follows them.

CORWELL (V.O.)

Look! Look!

REVERSE ANGLE

BANCROFT

We've proved it, John! There's life on Mars!

MONITOR

displays seven "chicken people" running around.

CORWELL (O.S.)

Yes, and what life!

REVERSE ANGLE

CORWELL

Chicken people!

MONITOR OVER BANCROFT'S AND CORWELL'S SHOULDERS

The men look at their monitor. Displayed on the monitor are the castaways covered in feathers.

BANCROFT

They seem to be half human and half bird. Look, they're plucking the feathers off themselves!

EXT. CAMP - DAY

The castaways, each covered in features, mill about.

PROFESSOR

What were all of those feathers doing in the hut?

MARY ANN

Oh, we'll never get all these feathers off of us.

GILLIGAN

I guess we'll just have to wait for the molting season.

SKIPPER

Gilligan, why don't you sit down and stay there?

Skipper pushes Gilligan onto the ground.

INT. AFMTC CENTRAL CONTROL - DAY

MONITOR OVER BANCROFT'S AND CORWELL'S SHOULDERS

The men look at their monitor. Displayed on the monitor are the castaways covered in feathers.

BANCROFT

What's that big birdman doing to that little birdman?

CORWELL AND BANCROFT

CORWELL

Well, I can't be sure, George, but I think he's trying to force him to lay an egg.

EXT. CAMP - DAY

The castaways, each covered in features, mill about. Gilligan sits on the ground.

GILLIGAN

Hey, Professor, what does the red light mean on the camera?

PROFESSOR

Oh, Gilligan, that red light means that-- What?

MARS PROBE

makes electronic BLEEPs and BLOOPs.

PROFESSOR (O.S.)

It's humming!

BACK TO SCENE

PROFESSOR

PROFESSOR (cont'd)

It's working! It's working!

SKIPPER

Taking pictures!

INT. AFMTC CENTRAL CONTROL - DAY

CORWELL AND BANKROFT

CORWELL

George, they've seen our camera ...

MONITOR

Castaways covered in feathers wave at the camera.

CORWELL (V.O.)

... and they're waving. Why would they do that?

CORWELL AND BANKROFT

Bancroft turns to Corwell.

BANCROFT

They've never seen a camera before.

CORWELL

Well, I suppose they think it's some strange creature and then they're trying to get friendly with it.

Bancroft turns back to look at the monitor.

EXT. CAMP - DAY

Castaways covered in feathers wave at the camera.

PROFESSOR

They must still think they're looking at Mars.

MR HOWELL

Help us!

NEW ANGLE

SKIPPER

They can't see us!

MR HOWELL

What?

SKIPPER

We forgot the signs! I'll go get them!

GILLIGAN

I'll go get them! I'll go get them!

Gilligan runs to get the signs behind the Mars probe. He hops over the bamboo support.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Here they are! Here are the signs!

Gilligan picks up the signs, turns, and trips on the bamboo support for the Mars probe. The Mars probe crashes to the ground and the lens assembly pops off.

INT. AFMTC CENTRAL CONTROL - DAY

MONITOR

shows only static.

CORWELL, BANKROFT, AND THE MARS PROBE TEAM

groan.

EXT. CAMP - DAY

The castaways chase after Gilligan and run him into the Supply Hut.

FADE OUT

END OF ACT TWO

TAG

FADE IN:

EXT. SUPPLY HUT - DAY

Professor and Skipper work on the Mars probe, trying to reassemble the mess of parts.

PROFESSOR

Skipper, don't you think you're being much too hard on poor Gilligan?

SKIPPER

Not at all, Professor. This whole feather mess was his fault. I'm just making the punishment fit the crime.

(pause)

What time is it?

PROFESSOR

Oh... three o'clock.

SKIPPER

(shouts to Gilligan)

Gilligan! Gilligan, it's time again!

Gilligan, still covered in features, emerges from the Supply Hut. He coo-coo's three times, turns, and returns to the Supply Hut. Professor turns and looks at Gilligan. Skipper smiles in an Oliver Hardy manner toward Professor.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. GILLIGAN'S ISLAND - ESTABLISHING SHOT

FADE OUT.

THE END