Gilligan's Island - s2e03 - The Little Dictator

TEASER

FADE IN:

EXT. LAGOON - DAY

A small boat slowly makes its way into the lagoon. The boat approaches the beach. Three uniformed men sit in the boat. One man dressed in khaki pilots the boat to shore. Another man dressed in khaki holds a gun toward the third man. The third man, dress in dark military clothing, sits in the middle of the boat. The boat is named "EL PRESIDENTE."

As the boat hits the lagoon shore, the man at the front jumps out of the boat to guide it. The man in the middle stands and exits the boat.

THREE MEN AND BOAT

The man at the back of the boat lifts a briefcase and hurls it at the third man, who catches it. The other man leaps back into the boat.

RODRIGUEZ

the former President of Equarico. He's in full military dress. He wears a black cap, gray coat with presidential insignia, brown aviator pants with matching knee high brown boots. Around his neck is a red cravat. He yells at the other men as they pull back from shore.

BOAT

pulls away from shore. The man at the front of the boat hurls the gun toward shore.

LAGOON SHORE

Rodriguez turns to look where the gun had been thrown and continues to yell at the men.

RODRIGUEZ

as he yells unintelligibly to the other men.

BOAT

as it heads away from shore to the lagoon channel. The men wave at Rodriduez.

RODRIGUEZ

as he stomps his feet. He turns and picks up the briefcase from the sand. He looks around for the gun.

FADE OUT

END OF TEASER

ACT ONE

FADE IN:

EXT. JUNGLE - DAY

RODRIGUEZ

carries his briefcase looking for the discarded gun. He turns and angrily gestures toward the soldiers who abandoned him.

GILLIGAN

walks down a path with a basket slung over his shoulder. He picks berries from a plant and puts them in his basked.

RODRIGUEZ

looks around, puzzled where the gun might be.

GILLIGAN AND RODRIGUEZ

approach each other from opposites sides of a clump of plants. Gilligan picks berries and places them into his basket. Rodriguez looks over the clump of plants on the other side. Gilligan pulls berries from the plants. In one handful, he picks up the gun and places it into the basket. He picks more berries and places them into the basket. Gilligan looks down into this basket and sees the gun. Meanwhile, Rodriguez backs toward Gilligan. Gilligan holds the gun in his hand. Rodriguez startles Gilligan, who holds the gun on Rodriguez. Rodriguez puts his hands up.

GILLIGAN

Who are you?

RODRIGUEZ OVER GILLIGAN'S SHOULDER

RODRIGUEZ

I am Pancho Hernando Gonzalez Enriques Rodriguez...

GILLIGAN OVER RODRIGUEZ'S SHOULDER

RODRIGUEZ (cont'd)

... ex-Presidente de La Republica de Equarico.

GILLIGAN

And I'm George Washington, ex-President of the United States.

RODRIGUEZ OVER GILLIGAN'S SHOULDER

RODRIGUEZ

Ah, you have been exiled too.

GILLIGAN OVER RODRIGUEZ'S SHOULDER

GILLIGAN

No, no, get your hands up now and tell me the truth. Who are you?

RODRIGUEZ

I am telling you the truth, until yesterday I am President of the Republic of Equarico.

RODRIGUEZ OVER GILLIGAN'S SHOULDER

RODRIGUEZ (cont'd)

And today, ex-President.

GILLIGAN OVER RODRIGUEZ'S SHOULDER

GILLIGAN

A real live President? Oh, I'm real pleased to meet you.

BACK TO SCENE

Gilligan puts the gun in his left hand and extends his right hand to shake Rodriguez's hand.

RODRIGUEZ

(shakes hand)

Pleased to meet you.

RODRIGUEZ OVER GILLIGAN'S SHOULDER

Rodrigez takes gun from Gilligan's left hand with his left hand.

RODRIGUEZ (cont'd)

Now you get your hands up, George.

GILLIGAN OVER RODRIGUEZ'S SHOULDER

GILLIGAN

I was kidding about being George Washington, I'm Gilligan.

RODRIGUEZ OVER GILLIGAN'S SHOULDER

RODRIGUEZ

What is in that basket, food?

BACK TO SCENE

GILLIGAN

Yeah, berries. You want some?

Gilligan reaches into the basket.

RODRIGUEZ

Keep your hands up and drop the basket.

Gilligan awkwardly struggles to keep his hands up while dropping the basket.

RODRIGUEZ (cont'd)

Now hands up, drop the basket.

Rodriguez takes the basket and looks into it.

RODRIGUEZ OVER GILLIGAN'S SHOULDER

RODRIGUEZ (cont'd)

You eat first.

GILLIGAN OVER RODRIGUEZ'S SHOULDER

GILLIGAN

I just had breakfast.

RODRIGUEZ

Eat!

Gilligan picks a berry from the basket, puts it in his mouth and chews. Gilligan reaches in for another berry.

RODRIGUEZ OVER GILLIGAN'S SHOULDER

RODRIGUEZ (cont'd)

Enough! You don't feel sick?

GILLIGAN

No.

RODRIGUEZ

A little dizzy?

GILLIGAN OVER RODRIGUEZ'S SHOULDER

GILLIGAN

No.

RODRIGUEZ

Maybe woozy in the stomach?

GILLIGAN

No.

RODRIGUEZ

No?

RODRIGUEZ OVER GILLIGAN'S SHOULDER

RODRIGUEZ (cont'd)

Okay.

(places strap around neck)

Now I eat.

Rodriguez takes a handful of berries and stuffs his mouth. He continues to point the gun at Gilligan.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. JUNGLE - LATER

RODRIGUEZ

sits on a boulder and finishes the berries. His gun still points at Gilligan, who stands with his hands raised.

PULL BACK TO GILLIGAN AND RODRIGUEZ

GILLIGAN

I suppose now you want me to take you to my leader, right?

RODRIGUEZ

Wrong. In my country there is a saying: "He who has gun is the leader." March and take my bag with you.

Rodriguez stands. Gilligan turns around, picks up Rodriguez's briefcase and walks. Rodriguez holds the gun at Gilligan's back.

RODRIGUEZ (cont'd)

Hand up.

Gilligan raises his other hand and they walk through the jungle single file.

They walk through the jungle and disappear behind a group of plants. A scuffle ensues with sand tossed into the air. Rodruiguez walks out from behind the plants with this hands up. Gilligan points the gun at his back as they walk through the jungle.

They disappear behind a set of large boulders and they have another scuffle Sand flies up from behind the boulder. They emerge, Gilligan with his hands up, carries the briefcase and Rodriguez holds the gun on Gilligan. Skipper approaches, closely followed by Mr. Howell and Professor.

SKIPPER

Was that a gunshot, Gilligan?

(to Rodriguez)

Who are you?

MR HOWELL

Heavens, a Gestapo.

RODRIGUEZ

That was only the first bullet. There are five little brothers in there waiting their turn.

GINGER (O.S.)

Drop that gun, we've got you covered!

Gilligan drops the briefcase, which lands on Skipper's foot. Rodriguez partially hides behind Gilligan.

RODRIGUEZ OVER GILLIGAN'S SHOULDER

RODRIGUEZ

You drop your weapons and come out with your hands up.

MRS. HOWELL, GINGER, AND MARY ANN

reveal their position by parting the jungle underbrush and emerging.

GINGER

Oh, I don't understand it. It always used to work in the movies.

The ladies raise their hands up.

GILLIGAN AND RODRIGUEZ

RODRIGUEZ

Ay chihuahua.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. CAMP - LATER

Rodriguez emerges from the jungle holding his gun. He walks over to the dining table where the men sit.

RODRIGUEZ

It's a good view from there, George.

SKIPPER

George?

GILLIGAN

He thinks I'm Washington.

RODRIGUEZ

Magnifico. Almost twice as big as my country, Equarico. What is the name of this place?

PROFESSOR AND MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

Well, we haven't had an official ceremony. "Howell Hills" has been suggested.

BACK TO SCENE

Rodriguez briefly holds his nose.

RODRIGUEZ

Who called it that?

MR HOWELL

Well, me, me.

RODRIGUEZ

I have another suggestion. I suggest we call it Equirico West.

GILLIGAN AND SKIPPER

SKIPPER

Equirico West?

RODRIGUEZ

Si. I have always had a dream to be the father of a country. My father was the father of a country. My brothers were the father of their country. Even my mother was the father of a country.

PROFESSOR AND MR. HOWELL

PROFESSOR

(to Mr. Howell)

He thinks he's conquered us.

MR HOWELL

(to Professor)

A radical. Why, I--

RODRIGUEZ (O.S.)

Silencio!

RODRIGUEZ

Show a little more respect for your provisional Presidente.

BACK TO SCENE

MEN

President?

RODRIGUEZ

That's it! Until it is safe to hold free democratic elections.

PROFESSOR

And when will that be?

RODRIGUEZ

You should live so long.

Rodriguez fires the gun in the air.

PROFESSOR AND MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

(to Professor)

There goes brother number two.

RODRIGUEZ

Do I hear a cheer for your new Presidente?

The men are silent. Rodriguez cups his ear with his hand.

RODRIGUEZ (cont'd)

Hip hip.

The men are still silent. Rodriguez points the gun at them.

MEN

(weakly)

Hooray?

RODRIGUEZ

considers that weak response sufficient.

RODRIGUEZ

Eh.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. SUPPLY HUT - DAY

Gilligan, dressed with grass epaulets over his shirt, announces and opens the door for Mr. Howell. Rodriguez sits at a table. On the table sit his gun, hat, quills, strips of tree bark, and utensils in containers.

GILLIGAN

Mister Thurston Howell the Third.

RODRIGUEZ

Please be seated.

Mr. Howell sits at the table with Rodriguez.

MR HOWELL

Thank you, thank you.

RODRIGUEZ

George here tells me that you are well acquainted with money.

MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

Well, shall we say that money and I are on a first name basis.

RODRIGUEZ (O.S.)

Good.

RODRIGUEZ

Our country needs a strong economy. That is why I appoint you as secretary of my treasury.

MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

What treasury?

RODRIGUEZ

That is your first assignment.

BACK TO SCENE

MR HOWELL

Well, you see to have a monetary system a country must first possess certain rare precious metals.

Mr. Howell picks up the gun. Rodriguez snatches the gun away from him and places the gun away from Mr. Howell.

RODRIGUEZ

In my country all you need is printing press on paper.

MR HOWELL

Well, I'm afraid we don't have either of those.

Rodriguez picks up a piece of tree bark from the table and mimes signing it.

RODRIGUEZ

But we do have tree bark and my signature.

MR HOWELL

Tree bark and your signature? Preposterous!

Rodruiguez picks up the gun and points it at Mr. Howell.

MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

Suddenly it's very posterous!

RODRIGUEZ

smiles.

RODRIGUEZ

But don't overdo it. We want to stay underdeveloped enough so we can get an American loan.

BACK TO SCENE

RODRIGUEZ (cont'd)

Next!

Rodriguez indicates for Mr. Howell to leave. Mr. Howell rises and exits. Gilligan announces Mrs. Howell.

GILLIGAN

Missus Thurston Howell the Third.

Mrs. Howell enters and curtsies.

MRS HOWELL

Your excellency.

Mrs. Howell falls to the ground. Gilligan and Rodriguez help her up.

MRS HOWELL (cont'd)

Thank you.

FLIP TO:

EXT. CAMP - DAY

PROFESSOR, PULL BACK TO REVEAL SKIPPER AND MR. HOWELL

They sit at the dining table.

PROFESSOR

Gentlemen, are we going to submit or subvert?

MR HOWELL

I vote for subversion. I hope the Harvard Club have mercy on my soul.

SKIPPER

Oh, Howell. Where do we begin?

PROFESSOR

With his gun. He's already fired two shots which means he has only four bullets left.

SKIPPER

Well, then all we have to do is jump him and take his gun away from him.

MR HOWELL

Yes, but someone might get hurt.

PROFESSOR

All right, we'll use that only as a last resort. That'll be plan "B." Now, plan "A." Somehow we've got to get him to fire off those last four shots.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. CAMP - DAY

Professor, Skipper, Rodriguez, Mr. Howell and Ginger line up. A coconut sits atop a pile of sand. Rodriguez points his gun at the coconut and pulls the trigger. The gun FIRES and the coconut is obliterated.

PROFESSOR, SKIPPER, RODRIGUEZ, MR. HOWELL, AND GINGER

MR HOWELL

Oh, superb shot, Rodriguez! It was marvelous!

Rodriguez corrects him.

RODRIGUEZ

It is El Presidente.

MR HOWELL

Oh, yes, yes, Mr. President, I'll bet you a stack full of tree bark that you can't hit that little coral shell right over there with your... You can't, you can't.

RODRIGUEZ

I cannot hit that shell?

MR HOWELL

That's right, you can't hit it.

RODRIGUEZ

Watch.

Rodriguez gently pushes Mr. Howell back. Rodriguez points the gun at the shell. Skipper pushes in, anticipating another bullet used. Rodriguez turns and points the gun at Skipper.

RODRIGUEZ (cont'd)

Hey, you think that Rodriguez is muy estúpido. Huh?

SKIPPER

Huh?

RODRIGUEZ

You already see with one shot that I'm a crack sharpshooter.

PROFESSOR

Oh, of course we know that.

SKIPPER

Certainly we know that.

MR. HOWELL AND GINGER

Mr. Howell whispers to Ginger and she nods.

RODRIGUEZ (O.S.)

Now remember, you're peasants! Your president will not take any more of your hanky-panky!

FOLLOW GINGER TO RODRIGUEZ

GINGER

(sultry)

Oh, Señor Presidente. You are so talented. You know, I got goose bumps all over just watching your masterful marksmanship.

RODRIGUEZ

Oh, do you like the way Rodriguez shoots?

GINGER OVER RODRIGUEZ'S SHOULDER

GINGER

(sultry)

Oh, si, si, si, si, si.

RODRIGUEZ OVER GINGER'S SHOULDER

RODRIGUEZ

Oh, Señorita, Rodriguez can do many things.

GINGER

I bet you can.

RODRIGUEZ

You should see me dive for coins.

GINGER OVER RODRIGUEZ'S SHOULDER

GINGER

(sultry)

Oh, you know ...

RODRIGUEZ OVER GINGER'S SHOULDER

GINGER (cont'd)

(sultry)

... if I could learn to shoot like you, ...

GINGER OVER RODRIGUEZ'S SHOULDER

GINGER (cont'd)

(sultry)

... I would have had the lead in "Standing Cow, Daughter of Sitting Bull."

RODRIGUEZ OVER GINGER'S SHOULDER

RODRIGUEZ

There is nothing to it.

GINGER

Oh, I couldn't learn.

GINGER OVER RODRIGUEZ'S SHOULDER

GINGER (cont'd)

(sultry)

Not in a million years.

RODRIGUEZ OVER GINGER'S SHOULDER

RODRIGUEZ

I will teach you right now.

GINGER

(sultry)

You will?

RODRIGUEZ

Si, si

GINGER OVER RODRIGUEZ'S SHOULDER

GINGER

(sultry)

Oh, please do.

RODRIGUEZ AND GINGER

RODRIGUEZ

Si.

Rodriguez opens his hand with the gun. Ginger takes the gun from him.

PULL BACK TO REVEAL PROFESSOR, SKIPPER AND MR. HOWELL

on either side of them. Rodriguez moves Ginger forward to position her to shoot.

RODRIGUEZ (cont'd)

I will get you a target. Wait.

Rodriguez exits to find a target. The men frantically indicate to point the gun at Rodriguez while his back is turned.

RODRIGUEZ

places a coconut atop a boulder. Rodriguez turns and walks back to the group.

PROFESSOR, SKIPPER, GINGER AND MR. HOWELL

Rodriguez slips behind Ginger and places his arms around her waist and nuzzles her neck. She aims and FIRES the gun.

GINGER

How was that?

RODRIGUEZ

Caramba, muy bien.

GINGER

Let me try it again.

RODRIGUEZ

No, stop! End of lesson!

(takes gun from Ginger)

On end of Plan "A."

MR HOWELL

Whatever do you mean, end of Plan "A."

RODRIGUEZ

You don't fool Rodriguez. I have been through Plan "A" too many times. Oh, forget about Plan "B."

GINGER

You mean you know about Plan "B"?

RODRIGUEZ AND GINGER

Rodriguez pulls Ginger close to him.

RODRIGUEZ

My dear, you cannot have a revolution without Plan "B." I will explain it to you. You take two--

(notices the castaways leaning in)

Hey, who do you think you are?

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. CAMP - LATER

Gilligan, wearing the grass epaulets over his shirt, and Mr. Howell spread a fishing net on the ground in front of the supply hut door. Mr. Howell hides a rope into the grass thatching of the supply hut roof.

MR HOWELL

Now remember, Gilligan, The Skipper can't see the doorway from over there. You understand?

Gilligan waves at Skipper.

SKIPPER

stands on a tree branch in the distance, holds a rope and waves.

BACK TO SCENE

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

So, now wait a minute, wait a minute. I'll call Rodriguez out, get him to stand over the net. Then you signal the Skipper.

GILLIGAN

Yeah, take off my hat and wave it like this.

Gilligan removes his hat and tries to wave it around, but Mr. Howell restrains his arm.

MR HOWELL

Not yet, not yet. He'll capture us. Get over there and get ready to signal the Skipper.

Gilligan exits. Mr. Howell turns to the supply hut and knocks on the doorframe.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

El Presidente? There's a, there's a, there's a boat out here.

GILLIGAN

looks on from the edge of camp.

MR HOWELL (O.S.)

A boat.

BACK TO SCENE

Mr. Howell walks carefully over the net.

GILLIGAN

waves away a BUZZING insect.

BACK TO SCENE

Mr. Howell carefully walks across the net and raps on the hut's doorframe again.

MR HOWELL

El Presidente?

GILLIGAN

waves his hand at the BUZZING insect.

MR HOWELL (O.S.)

(pigeon Spanish)

Le boat-a in la ocean-o.

BACK TO SCENE

MR HOWELL

Enchilada side. Yes, sir. Out here.

Mr. Howell steps back from the door so Rodriquez doesn't run into him. Mr. Howell stands in the middle of the net.

GILLIGAN

waves his hat to shoo the BUZZING insect.

SKIPPER

leaps from the branch, pulling the rope down with him.

BACK TO SCENE

The net scoops up Mr. Howell and raises him above the roof line of the hut.

GILLIGAN

sees Mr. Howell hoisted in the air and realizes his mistake.

NEW ANGLE

Rodriguez exits the hut. Mr. Howell hangs in the net high above his head.

RODRIGUEZ

A boat? For me? Where?

GILLIGAN

rushes to the Skipper.

BACK TO NEW ANGLE

RODRIGUEZ (cont'd)

I don't see no boat. Who called me?

RODRIGUEZ

RODRIGUEZ (cont'd)

I think I hear somebody say a boat...

Rodriguez sticks his gloved pinky in his ear and wiggles it around.

SKIPPER

lies on the ground and Gilligan kneels to help him.

GILLIGAN

Are you alright?

SKIPPER

Yes, I'm alright, Gilligan. Did we trap him?

GILLIGAN

Well, not exactly.

SKIPPER

What do you mean, "not exactly"? Oh, never mind. Here, hold on to this and I'll take a look for myself.

Gilligan holds onto the rope. Skipper releases it and it lifts Gilligan up.

BACK TO NEW ANGLE

Rodriguez turns and walks back to the hut. Mr. Howell, suspended in the air, sinks to the ground as Gilligan rises in the distance.

GILLIGAN

as he holds onto the rope.

BACK TO SCENE

Mr. Howell sits in the net. Rodriguez holds the gun and points toward him.

RODRIGUEZ

Hey, what are you doing there?

MR HOWELL

Well, I just dropped by to go fishing.

Rodriguez looks at the net, sees the rope, and turns toward Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

hangs onto the rope and straddles the branch that Skipper had been standing on.

BACK TO SCENE

Rodriguez points the gun at Mr. Howell.

RODRIGUEZ

You, listen, you stay here! You hear me?

Rodriguez turns to Gilligan, but catches his gun in the Howell net.

MR HOWELL

I stay here.

RODRIGUEZ

You stay there!

Rodriguez frees his gun from the net.

RODRIGUEZ (cont'd)

Stay there. Who did this thing? Don't fool around with me!

Rodriguez turns to Gilligan and points his gun at him.

RODRIGUEZ (cont'd)

Alright, Georgie, you hold on to that rope ...

GILLIGAN

sits on the branch and still holds the rope.

RODRIGUEZ (O.S.)

...because I'm gonna fish you out Like you never been fished before.

FADE OUT

END OF ACT ONE

ACT TWO

FADE IN:

EXT. CAMP - DAY

Gilligan stands tied to a tree. Rodriguez tears the grass epaulets from Gilligan's shoulders.

THE OTHER CASTAWAYS

watch as Rodriguez prepares Gilligan for execution by firing squad of Rodriguez alone. Rodriguez stamps his foot, turns, and positions himself between Skipper and Mary Ann.

SKIPPER

Oh, please, you can't shoot Gilligan. We were all part of this scheme.

MR HOWELL

I demand a trial by jury. I'll get the most expensive legal talent I may even handle the case myself.

PROFESSOR, MR. HOWELL, SKIPPER, AND RODRIGUEZ

RODRIGUEZ

Perhaps, Mister Secretary- Treasurer, you'd like to go up there yourself?

Rodriguez points the gun at Mr. Howell.

MR HOWELL

I refuse to answer that on grounds That it might tend to incriminate me.

MARY ANN, MRS. HOWELL, GINGER

MRS HOWELL

Señior Presidente, he's so young, he's just a boy.

GILLIGAN

tied to a tree.

GILLIGAN

A growing boy, I want to keep growing.

PROFESSOR, MR. HOWELL, SKIPPER, RODRIGUEZ, MARY ANN, MRS. HOWELL, AND GINGER

GINGER

Oh, I can't watch!

GILLIGAN

Look, don't I get a last meal or something?

PROFESSOR, MR. HOWELL, SKIPPER, AND RODRIGUEZ

RODRIGUEZ

Alright, what would you like?

GILLIGAN

Well, let's see.

PROFESSOR, MR. HOWELL, SKIPPER, AND RODRIGUEZ

RODRIGUEZ

Oh, never mind, never mind. It is time to teach you all a lesson.

PROFESSOR

But you can't shoot him in cold blood.

RODRIGUEZ

I have very warm blood. Ask the lady.

Rodriguez nods toward Ginger.

MARY ANN, MRS. HOWELL, GINGER

MARY ANN

If you ask me, you're a coward ...

PROFESSOR, MR. HOWELL, SKIPPER, AND RODRIGUEZ

MARY ANN (cont'd)

... like all the dictators.

RODRIGUEZ

(to Mary Ann)

I don't ask you.

(to all)

Get ready!

GILLIGAN

RODRIGUEZ (O.S.)

Get set!

PROFESSOR, MR. HOWELL, SKIPPER, AND RODRIGUEZ

PROFESSOR, MR. HOWELL, SKIPPER

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

RODRIGUEZ

You get me all mixed up! Now, where I was?

GILLIGAN

Get ready.

RODRIGUEZ (O.S.)

Thank you.

PROFESSOR, MR. HOWELL, SKIPPER, AND RODRIGUEZ

RODRIGUEZ

Get ready. Get set...

Rodriguez points the gun at Gilligan, pulls the trigger, and the gun CLICKS but does not fire. Rogriguez pulls the trigger a second time but the gun only CLICKS.

GILLIGAN

groans as if he was shot.

BACK TO SCENE

The men rush Rodriguez and wrestle him to the ground. Mary Ann and Ginger rush to Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

remains tied to the tree as Mary Ann and Ginger rush to him.

MARY ANN

It's alright, Gilligan, there were no shots.

Mary Ann and Ginger untie Gilligan from the tree.

GILLIGAN

Oh, you're sure? He might have used a silencer.

PROFESSOR, MR. HOWELL, SKIPPER, AND RODRIGUEZ

Having disarmed Rodriguez, the men pull him to his feet.

RODRIGUEZ

But what happened to my last two bullets? Oh, yes, I remember. In my old country in the last cabinet meeting, I used them.

Rodriguez sobs on Mr. Howell's shoulder. Mr. Howell pats Rodriguez on the back.

MR HOWELL

Oh, poor fellow, I hope he has money in Switzerland.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. SUPPLY HUT - NIGHT

Rodriguez paces back and forth in front of the table. The table has tomatoes, slices of papaya, two colorful gourds, a candle, utensils in a bamboo glass, a coconut cup with quills, and a drinking glass. Mrs. Howell opens the door and enters.

MRS HOWELL

Your Excellency.

Rodriguez comes to full attention and CLICKS his boots.

RODRIGUEZ

I am ready.

MRS HOWELL

Ready for what?

RODRIGUEZ

To be executed.

MRS HOWELL

Oh, don't be ridiculous.

Rodriguez continues pacing.

RODRIGUEZ

Oh, then you're going to exile me, of course.

MRS HOWELL

Well, I've never heard such nonsense.

RODRIGUEZ OVER MRS. HOWELL'S SHOULDER

RODRIGUEZ

Then, what will become of me?

Rodriguez sits down on the edge of the table.

MRS HOWELL

You will become a member of our little community.

Rodriguez frowns.

RODRIGUEZ

You mean, become one of the masses?

MRS. HOWELL OVER RODRIGUEZ'S SHOULDER

MRS HOWELL

We don't like to think of ourselves that way. We're a free society. And you will be free to do or become whatever you want.

RODRIGUEZ

Anything?

MRS HOWELL (O.S.)

Mm-mmm.

Rodriguez has an idea and smiles.

RODRIGUEZ

Señora, you have just given me an idea.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. BOYS HUT - NIGHT

Rodriguez talks to Gilligan who reclines in his top bunk.

GILLIGAN

You really think I should be the leader here on the island?

RODRIGUEZ

It's obvious.

Skipper snores below. Rodriguez covers Gilligan's mouth with his hand. Rodriguez bends down and closes Skipper's mouth. Skipper's snoring is briefly interrupted. Rodriguez stands and motions Gilligan inside the closet.

INT. BUYS HUT CLOSET - NIGHT

GILLIGAN

Well, come to think of it, I was President of the eighth grade Camera Club.

RODRIGUEZ

You see? Even then they recognized your leadership abilities.

GILLIGAN

That's right. Besides, I was the only one who owned a camera.

RODRIGUEZ

Then you accept?

GILLIGAN

Oh, I don't know. I had an awful lot of trouble staying in power of that camera club especially if I broke the camera.

RODRIGUEZ

But your friends need you to lean on. You owe it to them to protect them.

GILLIGAN

I don't know if I could handle it.

RODRIGUEZ

If you have any problems, my door will always be open to you.

GILLIGAN

No, I don't think I should do it.

RODRIGUEZ

(frustrated)

All right.

Rodriguez exits the closet.

INT. BOYS HUT - NIGHT

Rodriguez exits the closet, but turns and speaks to Gilligan. Gilligan pokes his head out of the curtain.

RODRIGUEZ

All right. Forget that they're your friends. Let them down.

GILLIGAN

I couldn't do that.

RODRIGUEZ

Then think about it, all right? Sleep on it. We will decide tomorrow in the morning.

GILLIGAN

Okay.

RODRIGUEZ

Sleep on it.

Rodriguez closes the closet curtain and turns toward the door.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. BOYS HUT - NIGHT

Gilligan sleeps in his upper bunk. Skipper sleeps in the lower bunk. Gilligan dreams and mumbles.

RIPPLE DISSOLVE TO:

DREAM SEQUENCE - EXT. PRESIDENTIAL PALACE - DAY

Gilligan and Rodriguez stand on the balcony of the Presidential Palace as a crowd CHEERs. Gilligan wears a white military uniform, complete with bicorne hat, reminiscent of 1800s Europe. Medals decorate Gilligan's uniform. Rodriguez stands behind him, wearing a floral vest. Gilligan motions for the crowd to continue cheering.

CHEERING CROWDS

outside the Presidential Palace.

BACK TO SCENE

GILLIGAN

Good people, this is your leader talking.

The crowd CHEERS. Gilligan holds his hands up to stop the cheers and the crowd is muted.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

I would like to promise you--I'd like to promise you--just a second.

(whispers to Rodriguez)

What should I promise them?

RODRIGUEZ

Promise them this, that and the other thing.

GILLIGAN

I promise you dis, dat and the other ting.

CHEERING CROWD

BACK TO SCENE

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

So everybody go home, kick off your shoes, turn on the TV and relax.

(aggressively)

And that's an order.

CHEERING CROWD

BACK TO SCENE

Gilligan and Rodriguez turn and walk through the open doors.

INT. PRESIDENTIAL PALACE - DAY

Gilligan enters, followed by Rodriguez. Gilligan trips and stumbles.

GILLIGAN

Be seated.

The castaways take seats at the table.

RODRIGUEZ

Before the cabinet begins its contemplation, we have to pay our respect to the leader of our country. And to our country. Ladies, please get the flag.

Mrs. Howell and Mary Ann rise to get the flag.

RODRIGUEZ (cont'd)

Everybody rise and cheer the leader of the country. Viva!

The other cabinet members rise. Mrs. Howell and Mary Ann carry the flag on its stand behind Gilligan.

SKIPPER

El Presidente!

RODRIGUEZ

Viva!

SKIPPER

El Presidente!

Mary Ann holds out the edge of the red flag which has gold lettering ("* GILLIGAN THE GREAT *") and Gilligan's profile as if he were a Roman emperor with a distinctly Roman nose. Gilligan clears his throat. He pushes Skipper back and then blows a PITCH pipe. They sing:

CASTAWAYS

(singing)

"G-I-double-L-I-

FLAG PULL BACK TO MARY ANN, MRS. HOWELL, AND GILLIGAN

CASTAWAYS (cont'd)

(singing)

  "-G-A-N spells Gilligan
  He's the leader of our mighty
    nation
  Underlined by all the population

GINGER, MR. HOWELL, AND PROFESSOR

CASTAWAYS (cont'd)

(singing)

"G-I-double-L-I-G-A-N you see

MARY ANN, MRS. HOWELL, AND GILLIGAN

CASTAWAYS (cont'd)

(singing)

"He's the one we adore

GINGER, MR. HOWELL, AND PROFESSOR

CASTAWAYS (cont'd)

(singing)

"and will keep us out of war

BACK TO SCENE

CASTAWAYS (cont'd)

(singing)

"Gilligan"

GILLIGAN

(singing)

"That's me."

They cheer until Gilligan raises his hand to stop them.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

There's holes in the flag. Somebody been throwing stones at it?

RODRIGUEZ

Nonsense. Moths.

(to Mrs. Howell)

All right, put the flag away,

(to others)

and let's get down to business.

Mrs. Howell carries the flag stand away. Mary Ann pulls Gilligan aside.

PUSH IN TO MARY ANN AND GILLIGAN

MARY ANN

I'm glad you noticed that. There seems to be a rising discontent among the people. They don't like the way the country is being run.

PAN TO GILLIGAN AND RODRIGUEZ

GILLIGAN

(to Rodriguez)

How come? I give them dis, dat, and the other ting, don't I?

RODRIGUEZ

Of course you do, don't listen to her. The country is in great shape.

PAN OVER TO MARY ANN AND GILLIGAN

MARY ANN

Have you looked out the window lately?

Gilligan shakes his head. Mary Ann pulls Gilligan to the balcony window. Gilligan stumbles.

EXT. PRESIDENTIAL PALACE WINDOW - DAY

Gilligan pokes his head through the curtains and looks upon the scene outside the palace.

RIOTING IN THE STREETS

BACK TO SCENE

Gilligan is appalled at what he sees.

INT. PRESIDENTIAL PALACE WINDOW - DAY

Rodriguez closes the curtains.

RODRIGUEZ

Are you going to believe your eyes or me?

(to Mary Ann)

Go away, you.

(to the others)

Everybody, go away.

Mary Ann exits. Rodriguez steps back. Mrs. Howell approaches.

MRS HOWELL

Are you going to let him talk to us that way? We're your only loyal subjects.

GILLIGAN

Wait a minute, everybody out, I'll send you one by one. Right now I'd like to talk to the Minister of Finance.

(motions to Mr. Howell; notices his disheveled attire)

Is this any way to dress for an audience with your leader?

MR HOWELL

Well, we're in the midst of an economic recession.

RODRIGUEZ

Oh, do not believe him. Did I not serve your chocolate éclair for breakfast this morning?

MR HOWELL

Be that as it may, someone is tampering with the Treasury. Now, if you just step to the window, I'll show you the economic state of your so-called "great society."

Gilligan sticks his head between the curtains.

IMPOVERISHED SLUMS

EXT. PRESIDENTIAL PALACE WINDOW - DAY

Gilligan is aghast at what he sees.

INT. PRESIDENTIAL PALACE WINDOW - DAY

Rodriguez pulls Gilligan back from the window and closes the curtain.

RODRIGUEZ

(to Mr. Howell)

What does that prove? Every country has its low-rent district.

MR HOWELL

Well, I've heard of poverty, but that is ridiculous.

RODRIGUEZ

Go!

GILLIGAN

And send in my Secretary of the Navy.

MR HOWELL

Yes, I'll pipe him aboard.

Mr. Howell exits. Gilligan moves away from the balcony window and meets Skipper as he enters.

SKIPPER

Secretary of the Navy reporting, sir.

Rodriguez joins them.

RODRIGUEZ

It's lies, all lies.

SKIPPER

I haven't said anything yet.

RODRIGUEZ

Well, then speak first, and then it's lies, all lies.

GILLIGAN

How's my Navy holding up?

SKIPPER

Well, since you brought it up, sir, why don't you come to the window and see for yourself?

RODRIGUEZ

Again?

Skipper, Gilligan, and Rodriguez move back to the balcony window.

EXT. PRESIDENTIAL PALACE WINDOW - DAY

Gilligan peers outside.

A SAILING SHIP

burns and sinks into the water.

BACK TO SCENE

Gilligan stares in disbelief.

INT. PRESIDENTIAL PALACE WINDOW - DAY

Rodriguez closes the curtains.

RODRIGUEZ

Propaganda, vicious propaganda.

GILLIGAN

(to Skipper)

Are you doing something about that?

SKIPPER

Yes, sir, we are. We're teaching our sailors how to swim.

GILLIGAN

Good.

SKIPPER

The people on shore are learning mouth-to-mouth resuscitation without becoming emotionally involved.

RODRIGUEZ

How can you do that?

SKIPPER

It ain't easy.

GINGER

enters as Skipper exits. Ginger wears a trench coat.

GINGER

Mister President, I can't wait any longer. The country can't wait. We're in grave danger.

RODRIGUEZ

(to Gilligan)

Throw the imposter out.

GILLIGAN

(to Rodriguez)

Yeah, throw the imposter out.

GINGER

I'm no imposter. I'm your very own spy, Secret Agent oh-oh-thirty-six.

GILLIGAN

Secret Agent oh-oh-thirty-six?

Ginger removes the trench coat, revealing she's wearing an animal print bikini with modesty netting between the top and bottom pieces. A modesty jewel covers her belly button.

PUSH IN

RODRIGUEZ

Ho, ho! Thirty-six!

GINGER

I want you to know that I've uncovered plenty.

GILLIGAN

(to Rodriguez)

Can't argue with that, can you?

RODRIGUEZ

(to Gilligan)

She's in the pay of the enemy.

GILLIGAN

(to Ginger)

You're sure you're not a counter-spy?

GINGER

Mister President, I have nothing to hide.

GILLIGAN

(to Rodriguez)

Well, you can't argue with that either.

GINGER

If you can't trust your very own spy, who can you trust?

GILLIGAN

(to Rodriguez)

Yeah, who can I trust?

RODRIGUEZ

Me. And I say the country is in great shape.

GINGER

And I say it's in terrible shape. Take a look!

Ginger points to the palace window. Gilligan and Rodriguez eye her up and down.

GINGER (cont'd)

Not at me. At the state of the country.

GILLIGAN

Oh.

Gilligan walks to the curtains.

EXT. PRESIDENTIAL PALACE WINDOW - DAY

Gilligan pokes his head between the curtains and looks outside.

NATIVE AMERICANS ON HORSEBACK

ride down a rocky, barren hillside.

BACK TO SCENE

Gilligan is puzzled by the native Americans on horseback. He closes the curtains.

EXT. PRESIDENTIAL PALACE WINDOW - DAY

Gilligan turns from the curtains.

GILLIGAN

That must be the window facing the west.

(looks around)

Where is everybody? Where is everybody?

Rodriguez holds a smoking gun.

RODRIGUEZ

Ha, ha. They have been taken care of, along with the rest of your cabinet.

He blows the smoke away from the gun barrel.

GILLIGAN

What? Where's my loyal subjects? Where's my cabinet?

RODRIGUEZ

Ha, ha.

INT. PRESIDENTIAL PALACE STAIRCASE - DAY

Gilligan races down the stairs.

GILLIGAN

Where are you? My cabinet? My loyal subjects? Where are you? Where are you? Come back! I need you!

RODRIGUEZ

Would you like to join them?

GILLIGAN

What do you mean? I'm the leader of this country and president of the eighth grade Camera Club.

RODRIGUEZ

You are not a president. You are nothing but a puppet ruler.

GILLIGAN

Me, a puppet ruler? I don't believe it.

RODRIGUEZ (O.S.)

I can make you do ...

RODRIGUEZ

holding a MARIONETTE CONTROLLER.

RODRIGUEZ

... anything I want.

PAN DOWN TO GILLIGAN

as a marionette with STRINGS attached to Rodriguez's controller.

RODRIGUEZ (cont'd)

Absolutely anything. I can make you dance.

RODRIGUEZ

RODRIGUEZ (cont'd)

I can make you sit or kneel.

GILLIGAN

kneels.

RODRIGUEZ (cont'd)

Or I can take away your power like this.

GILLIGAN

crumples to the floor.

END DREAM SEQUENCE.

RIPPLE DISSOLVE TO:

INT. BOYS HUT - MORNING

Gilligan awakes from his dream.

GILLIGAN

Rodriguez, I don't want to be your puppet. No, Rodriguez. Rodriguez, Rodriguez, Rodriguez.

Gilligan hops out of his top bunk.

EXT. CAMP - MORNING

Skipper and Professor sit at the dining table. Gilligan runs from the mens hut into the jungle.

GILLIGAN

I won't be your puppet. I refuse to be your puppet. I won't be your puppet.

Skipper and Professor rise and chase after Gilligan.

SKIPPER

Gilligan, what's your matter little buddy? Gilligan!

EXT. LAGOON BEACH - DAY

Gilligan emerges from the jungle and runs toward the lagoon beach.

GILLIGAN

Rodriguez, I won't be your puppet! Rodriguez, I won't be your puppet!

The EL PRESIDENTE boat sits at beachside. One military-uniformed man stands at the rear of the boat. The other military-uniformed man stands on the shore, holding the boat. Rodriguez steps into the boat.

RODRIGUEZ

You do not have to, George.

GILLIGAN

Oh good, where are you going?

RODRIGUEZ

Back to my own country.

SKIPPER AND PROFESSOR

catch up to Gilligan on the beach.

SKIPPER

Wait, Rodriguez, wait!

PROFESSOR

Don't leave us here!

RODRIGUEZ

A boat has come to pick me up. The loyalists are in power again. And I am again their leader.

SKIPPER, GILLIGAN, AND PROFESSOR

express disappointment, astonishment, and confusion.

RODRIGUEZ

RODRIGUEZ (cont'd)

I will send a ship for you. My own personal ship. From my own personal country.

SKIPPER, GILLIGAN, AND PROFESSOR

excitedly smile at the promise Rodriguez made.

GILLIGAN

We'll be waiting

RODRIGUEZ (O.S.)

Adiós, amigos!

SKIPPER

Adiós!

PROFESSOR

Adiós!

Rodriguez stands in the boat as it pulls away from shore.

RODRIGUEZ

I will see you soon!

Rodriguez sits. The officer on shore steps into the boat. The boat pilot backs the boat away from shore.

SKIPPER, GILLIGAN, AND PROFESSOR

SKIPPER

We're gonna be rescued, Gilligan! We're gonna be rescued, Gilligan!

GILLIGAN

Bye!

EL PRESIDENTE

reverses its motor and they head toward the lagoon inlet. Rodriguez salutes the men on shore.

SKIPPER, GILLIGAN, AND PROFESSOR

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Oh boy, we're gonna be rescued, Professor. Oh boy, oh boy, yea, yea, yea!

EL PRESIDENTE

sails toward the lagoon inlet. Rodriguez waves. He stands again and spreads his arms wide.

RODRIGUEZ

Adiós, amigos!

Rodriguez sits back down and tumbles back with his legs in the air.

FADE OUT

END OF ACT TWO

TAG

FADE IN:

EXT. CAMP - DAY

PROFESSOR

stands in front of a chalk board. He lectures the other castaways. On the chalk board is written, "BUENOS DIAS GOOD DAY".

PULL BACK

PROFESSOR

And since we will be living in a Spanish-speaking country until we return home, I think it only proper and good manners to learn a little of the language. Now, if you'll repeat after me: Buenos dias, good day.

GILLIGAN, MR. HOWELL, SKIPPER, MARY ANN, MRS. HOWELL, AND GINGER

sit in rows.

CASTAWAYS

Buenos dias, good day.

RADIO

tuned to 640 KHz.

RADIO (V.O.)

(filtered)

This is Eddie Gallagher of W.T.O.P. in Washington, D.C.

BACK TO SCENE

PROFESSOR

Wait a minute, wait a minute. Turn that up.

Gilligan stands and turns up the volume on the radio.

RADIO (V.O.)

(filtered)

We interrupt our regular broadcast for a special announcement: Following yesterday's counter-revolution ...

MR. HOWELL, SKIPPER, MARY ANN, MRS. HOWELL, AND GINGER

sit in rows.

RADIO (V.O.) (cont'd)

(filtered)

in Equarico, A counter-counter-revolution again unseated President Rodriguez. This time his downfall was attributed to insanity since he insisted that he had been dictator of a deserted island with people on it. At last reports he was being parachuted into permanent exile on the highest peaks atop the Andes Mountains. A deserted island with seven people on it! No wonder they think he's crazy.

The castaways groan in disappointment.

SKIPPER

Oh, no, there goes our rescue again! I don't know how this always works.

MR HOWELL

He could have saved us.

GILLIGAN

All right, everybody repeat after me. Repeat after me: Buenos noches, good night.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. GILLIGAN'S ISLAND - ESTABLISHING SHOT - DAY

FADE OUT.

THE END