TEASER

FADE IN:

EXT. LAGOON SHORE - DAY

Gilligan carries a butterfly net as he climbs the shore of the lagoon. Gilligan swings and falls down as he misses a butterfly. Gilligan picks himself up and keeps climbing.

BOULDER AT THE TOP OF A RIDGE

looks precarious. A butterfly lands on the boulder. Gilligan climbs to the top of the ridge where the butterfly sits.

GILLIGAN

Stay there, my little beauty, and I'll catch you. Steady. Ready? Get set...

Gilligan swings his butterfly net at the butterfly, but it is airborne before Gilligan's net falls.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

... catch. Come on back!

Gilligan swings at the butterfly again. Then he climbs down the other side of the ridge. The boulder shifts precariously.

FAR SIDE OF RIDGE

Gilligan climbs down the rock face. He drops his butterfly net to the ground. Gilligan continues to climb down and drops the final few feet to the ground.

Mrs. Howell points a camera away from Gilligan. She wears a hat with a butterfly decoration on top.

ZOOM ON GILLIGAN

sees the butterfly and mistakes it for a live butterfly.

ZOOM ON BUTTERFLY

sits atop Mrs. Howell's hat, but she is obscured by palm fronds.

GILLIGAN

stares at the butterfly, almost tasting victory by licking his lips.

BACK TO SCENE

Gilligan approaches Mrs. Howell from her back. He raises the butterfly net and catches Mrs. Howell, camera and all, in his net.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

I got you.

MRS. HOWELL AND GILLIGAN

MRS HOWELL

Get it off me, Gilligan! Take it off!

Gilligan removes the butterfly net.

MRS HOWELL (cont'd)

Gilligan, what's the meaning of this?

GILLIGAN

I'm sorry Missus Howell, I'm just trying out my new butterfly net.

MR. HOWELL

dressed in a pith helmet, poses for the picture with one leg up on a boulder. In one hand he holds a cane and the other hand is behind his back.

MR HOWELL

Do hurry, Lovey, my arm is getting stiff.

MRS. HOWELL AND GILLIGAN

GILLIGAN

What are you doing?

MRS HOWELL

Well, if you must know, I'm trying to shoot Mister Howell.

GILLIGAN

Oh, Missus Howell, don't do that. I know married couples have their diff--

MRS HOWELL

Don't be silly. With a camera, Gilligan.

Gilligan notices a few rocks and rubble falling down behind them. He looks up and sees

BOULDER

rocking, unbalanced.

GILLIGAN AND MRS. HOWELL

GILLIGAN

Oh, Missus Howell, it's a great "nig nock,."

BOULDER

tips and falls.

GILLIGAN (O.S.)

A great "nock nig." Missus Howell, it's a great big rock...

GILLIGAN AND MRS. HOWELL

GILLIGAN

... and it's coming down!

Gilligan pulls Mrs. Howell out of the boulder's path and to safety. The boulder hits the spot where they stood.

MR. HOWELL

rushes to his wife's side.

MRS. HOWELL AND GILLIGAN

are on the ground. Gilligan leans over Mrs. Howell to protect her. Mr. Howell enters.

MR HOWELL

Lovey! Lovey, my dear! Are you all right?

(they pull her to her feet)

There my dear.

Gilligan brushes dust off of Mrs. Howell's arm.

MRS HOWELL

Yes, I'm all right, thanks to Gilligan.

MR HOWELL

Gilligan, we are forever in your debt.

GILLIGAN

Oh, it wasn't anything.

MR. HOWELL AND MRS. HOWELL

MRS HOWELL

Not anything? You just saved my life, that's all.

MR HOWELL

You couldn't be braver if you were our own son.

MRS HOWELL

Oh, Thurston, wouldn't it be wonderful if we had a son like Gilligan, ...

GILLIGAN

MRS HOWELL (cont'd)

... who risked his life to save mine the way he did?

GILLIGAN

That's okay, Mrs. Howell. I do it for my own mother.

Gilligan smiles.

BACK TO SCENE

MRS HOWELL

Oh, Thurston, we haven't got a son.

MR HOWELL

True, we have no one to bear our name proudly and bravely.

MRS HOWELL

Do you think we should? Could we?

MR HOWELL

Let's.

GILLIGAN

GILLIGAN

Let's what, Mister Howell?

MR. HOWELL AND MRS. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

Not Mister Howell, Dad.

GILLIGAN

The smile on his face disappears.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

Gilligan Thurston Howell the Fourth, we adopt you. Officially.

MR. HOWELL AND MRS. HOWELL

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

Kiss your mother.

Gilligan, astonished, looks at both of them.

BACK TO SCENE

Gilligan leans in and kisses Mrs. Howell on the cheek. Mrs. Howell beams.

FADE OUT

END OF TEASER

ACT ONE

FADE IN:

EXT. CAMP - DAY

The castaways sit (Professor, Mrs. Howell, Ginger, Mary Ann) or stand (Skipper, Gilligan) around the dining table and listen to Mr. Howell read his decree.

MR HOWELL

Hear ye, hear ye. I, Thurston Howell the Third, do formally decree that from this day forth, that poor indigent fellow known as Gilligan shall become Gilligan Thurston Howell the Fourth, my legal son and heir." Witnesses.

Mr. Howells places the decree on the table.

GINGER AND MARY ANN

MARY ANN

What's the matter, Ginger?

GINGER

Oh, I always cry at weddings and being adopted by millionaires.

SKIPPER AND MR. HOWELL

Mr. Howell hands Skipper a quill to sign the decree. Skipper takes the quill, dips it in ink, and signs the decree.

MR HOWELL

Captain. Naval person, the admiralty represented. The poop deck and all that.

Professor enters, takes the quill and signs the decree.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

Oh, and yes, professor of the academic world, cloistered halls, all that.

Professor puts the pen down and exits. Mrs. Howell stands.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

Ah, Mother, this is our day.

MRS HOWELL

Oh, darling, at last we have a son. Not exactly what we might have expected, of course, but a brave dear boy.

MR HOWELL

Yes, my dear. Can you imagine, after all these years walking into the Harvard Club and saying, fellows, I want you to meet my son, "Gilligan Thurston Howell the Fourth."

PROFESSOR, SKIPPER, GILLIGAN, GINGER, AND MARY ANN

congratulate Gilligan.

SKIPPER

Gilligan Thurston Howell the Fourth.

MARY ANN

Can you believe it.

MRS. HOWELL AND MR. HOWELL

MRS HOWELL

What's the matter, dear?

MR HOWELL

I was just imagining walking into the Harvard Club after all these years with him and saying, fellows, I want you to meet my son, "Gilligan Thurston Howell IV." Yeck!

FLIP TO:

INT. BOYS HUT - DAY

Professor pulls a pair of denim jeans from a stand-alone closet and hands it to Gilligan to pack into his duffel bag.

PROFESSOR

Here's the rest of your stuff, Gilligan. Well, off to your new home.

GILLIGAN

Yeah, thanks, Professor. Thanks, Skipper. I'll see you guys later.

Gilligan hoists the duffel bag over his shoulder and turns to leave, but is stopped by Skipper.

SKIPPER

All right. Oh, Gilligan, don't forget now, don't eat any pineapple, because it always gives you a rash.

GILLIGAN

I won't forget, Skipper.

He turns to leave again, but Skipper grabs his arm.

SKIPPER

Oh, and Gilligan, call your buddy if you need anything.

GILLIGAN

Okay, Skipper.

He turns to leave again, but Skipper grabs his arm.

SKIPPER

I mean, any time of the day or night or, well, you know.

GILLIGAN

Okay, Skipper. I'll see you later.

SKIPPER

Good luck.

Gilligan turns and exits. Professor and Skipper sit down at a table.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Oh, I'm going to sure miss him around here. I used to take care of him, you know. I took care of everything that he has and all his clothes. He forgot his handkerchiefs, and I better get him over to him.

PROFESSOR

Skipper, he's just going to the other hut. What does he need his handkerchiefs now for?

SKIPPER

Because he's going to need them to wipe his eyes, Professor, when he starts crying, the poor homesick kid.

PROFESSOR

What makes you think he's going to cry?

SKIPPER

Because I'm crying right now, and I'll break every bone in his body if he doesn't.

REVERSE SHOT

SKIPPER (cont'd)

That's the kind of a sentimental guy I am.

PROFESSOR

Skipper, try to think of it this way. You're not losing a first mate, you're gaining a benefactor. You know, as Mister Howell's son, Gilligan can buy you a whole fleet of ships.

SKIPPER

Oh, who cares about that? It's just that he's not cut out to be a millionaire's son. Buy me a whole fleet of ships?!

FLIP TO:

INT. HOWELLS HUT - DAY

Mrs. Howell sits and cleans her lorgnette lenses with a cloth. Mr. Howell reclines on a chaise lounge chair and sips a drink from a tall bamboo glass.

MRS HOWELL

Darling, remember "Pygmalion"? Professor Higgins did wonders with Eliza.

MR HOWELL

Yes, my dear, but Professor Higgins had only to deal with a dirty, ignorant little gutter snipe.

Gilligan enters.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

We have Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

Did you call?

Mrs. Howell is startled by Gilligan's entrance.

GILLIGAN

drops his things and waves to each of them.

MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

Lovey, it'll take a miracle.

FLIP TO:

INT. HOWELLS HUT - LATER

Gilligan sits at a table in front of a dinner place setting with folded napkin atop the plate. Mr. Howell, dressed in a tuxedo coat, plays the role of a waiter.

MR HOWELL

Go, Gilligan.

Gilligan unfolds the napkin and places one edge in his shirt collar.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

No, Gilligan! Over there, don't.

FLIP TO:

INT. HOWELLS HUT - LATER

Mrs. Howell, Gilligan, and Mr. Howell sit at a table and play Bridge.

MR HOWELL

My darling, I bid a spade.

MRS HOWELL

I bid two clubs. Gilligan?

Gilligan lays his hand face up on the table.

GILLIGAN

Gin.

Mr. Howell sternly slams his hand on the table.

MR HOWELL

No!

FLIP TO:

INT. HOWELLS HUT - DAY

Gilligan sits at the table. An empty plate sits on the table in front of him. Mrs. Howell smiles as she enters with a finger bowl and places it on Gilligan's plate.

MRS HOWELL

Now, Gilligan, I'm sure that even you know what to do with a finger bow.

GILLIGAN

A finger bow? Oh, sure.

Gilligan stretches his fingers, grasps the finger bowl and then sips out of it. Mrs. Howell's smile disappears.

MRS HOWELL

Oh, no! Gilligan!

FLIP TO:

INT. HOWELLS HUT - LATER

Gilligan sits at the table while the Howells drill him over the week's lessons. Gilligan is dressed like a younger version of Mr. Howell.

MR HOWELL

Now, now, think very hard. Look, we've been over this every day for over a week. Now, tell me. Think. What is money?

GILLIGAN

(agonized)

I don't know, Mr. Howell. It's all so difficult. It's so hard to remember money is something you never spend.

(ecstatically)

That's it. Money is something you never spend.

MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

That's right. You just make more of it.

GILLIGAN AND MRS. HOWELL

MRS HOWELL

Good boy!

Mrs. Howell places a lollipop in Gilligan's mouth.

MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

Now, what are your favorite sports?

GILLIGAN AND MRS. HOWELL

GILLIGAN

My favorite sports are tennis, polo, sailing, and, um... Can you give me a hint?

BACK TO SCENE

Mr. Howell pretends to ride a horse around a racetrack.

MR HOWELL

Tally-ho. Hurdle! Home stretch. Whoa!

GILLIGAN

Baseball.

GILLIGAN AND MRS. HOWELL

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

It's not Baseball. Um, see, it's always coming through. It's, um... The Hunt.

MR. HOWELL

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

My favorite sports are tennis, polo, sailing, ...

GILLIGAN AND MRS. HOWELL

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

... and The Hunt.

Gilligan beams.

MRS HOWELL

Oh, he's really gonna make it this time. He really is, darling.

Mrs. Howell places another lollipop in Gilligan's mouth.

MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

I'm so proud of you. Now, your schools are--

GILLIGAN AND MRS. HOWELL

GILLIGAN

(snobby accent)

Harvard, you silly goose.

Mrs. Howell bounces with excitement.

MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

The way you said it was delightful. And the first thing you get up in the morning, what do you do?

BACK TO SCENE

Gilligan stands.

GILLIGAN

You stand up at attention, face east, and salute Fort Knox. Also, a gentleman never trumps his partner's ace, and the whole blasted government is trying to give away the country. And also,

(snobby accent)

the rain in Spain falls mainly on the New York Stock Exchange.

MR HOWELL

Fine, Jove! He's got it!

MRS HOWELL

He's a Howell!

FLIP TO:

INT. BOYS HUT - NIGHT

Ginger gazes at herself in a mirror and teases her hair. Mary Ann, Professor and Skipper sit at the table.

GINGER

Can you believe the luck some people have?

MARY ANN

Imagine, Gilligan being adopted by a millionaire.

SKIPPER

Yeah, my very best friend.

Ginger turns from the mirror to face the others.

GINGER

Our best friend.

SKIPPER

My little buddy. Can you imagine that, being able to buy a whole fleet of ships?

FLIP TO:

EXT. JUNGLE - DAY

Mary Ann chases a butterfly through the jungle with a butterfly net. It lands on a plant. Gilligan, dressed in his G. Thurston Howell IV clothes, walks down the small hill to Mary Ann.

GILLIGAN

Hi, Mary Ann!

Mary Ann swings the net, but the butterfly escapes.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Can I go butterfly-hunting with you?

MARY ANN

Oh, I'm sorry, Gilligan. You'll get your new clothes all dirty. I'll tell you what. I'll go catch some butterflies and bring them to you, okay?

Mary Ann exits.

GILLIGAN

(disappointed)

Yeah, but Mary Ann, I'd like to go butterfly-hunting.

EXT. CAMP -DAY

Professor stirs a bucket of tar on a small table. Skipper paints a hut with a brush. His bucket of tar sits on a smaller table along with two other containers. Both of them have tar on their clothing.

PROFESSOR

You know, this tar should make the huts fairly waterproof when the rain's come.

SKIPPER

I think it's wonderful, Professor, the way you made this tar out of the minerals on the island.

PAN TO GILLIGAN

enters wearing his G. Thurston Howell IV clothes.

GILLIGAN

Hi, Skipper. Hi, Professor.

PROFESSOR

Well, Gilligan, look at you.

SKIPPER

Hey, doesn't he look snazzy?

GILLIGAN

Hey, there's a brush to help your tar.

Gilligan grabs a brush in a pot.

SKIPPER

Oh, no, Gilligan, thanks very much, but I couldn't possibly ask you to help on those clothes.

SKIPPER AND GILLIGAN

GILLIGAN

Sure I can. I want to help.

SKIPPER

No, now, don't trouble yourself. We'll manage by ourselves.

GILLIGAN

It's no trouble.

PROFESSOR

PROFESSOR

Gilligan, men of great wealth must learn to delegate authority.

SKIPPER AND GILLIGAN

PROFESSOR (O.S.)

Now, why don't you just sit down and watch us?

GILLIGAN

I don't want to sit. I want to tar.

BACK TO SCENE

SKIPPER

Gilligan, please, sit down now.

(moves small table for Gilligan to sit)

Men of your caliber are meant to sign...

(Gilligan sits)

That is, buy sh... Please, just rest your signing arm.

Skipper pats Gilligan's right arm. Gilligan stands.

GILLIGAN

No, Skipper, I don't want to rest.

GILLIGAN

grabs a tar bucket.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

I just want to help tar.

SKIPPER

Gilligan, will you give me that bucket?

Skipper grabs the bucket.

GILLIGAN

No, Skipper, let me help.

Skipper and Gilligan struggle for the bucket.

SKIPPER

Would you give it to me?

GILLIGAN

Let me help, Skipper.

In the struggle, the tar bucket pours over Skipper.

PROFESSOR

winces.

SKIPPER AND GILLIGAN

Tar drips from their clothing.

PROFESSOR

PROFESSOR

Skipper, control yourself.

SKIPPER AND GILLIGAN

PROFESSOR (O.S.)

He didn't mean to.

SKIPPER

I know he didn't mean it, Professor.

GILLIGAN

What did you say?

SKIPPER

I said that you didn't mean to do this.

GILLIGAN

How come you're not yelling at me?

SKIPPER

Gilligan, even the best of us have our little accidents. Now, please don't worry about it.

GILLIGAN

Okay, Skipper, I'll see you later.

SKIPPER

Yes, Gilligan.

FLIP TO:

EXT: CAMP - LATER

Gilligan, partially covered in tar, enters the clearing. Wet clothes sit in a basket on a small table. Ginger hangs the wet clothes on a clothesline.

GILLIGAN

Hi, Ginger. What are you doing?

GINGER

(sarcastically)

Doing a love scene with Cary Grant. What does it look like?

(notices Gilligan; sultry)

Gilligan, I didn't know it was you. Hello.

GILLIGAN

Hello.

GILLIGAN AND GINGER

GINGER

(sultry)

My, don't you look handsome today.

REVERSE ANGLE

GILLIGAN

I'm all covered with tar.

GILLIGAN AND GINGER

GINGER

(sultry)

Well, some men wear tar better than others.

REVERSE ANGLE

GILLIGAN

Hey, Ginger, can I help you hang up the clothes? Then we can go butterfly hunting, huh?

GILLIGAN AND GINGER

GINGER

(sultry)

Oh, Gilligan, you're putting me on. But then you always were so divinely witty.

GILLIGAN

I was?

GINGER

(sultry)

Sure. I always felt you belonged in the theater. Close your eyes and try to visualize.

REVERSE ANGLE

Gilligan closes his eyes.

GINGER (cont'd)

(sultry)

There you are. Brilliant, young, rich producer.

GILLIGAN AND GINGER

GINGER (cont'd)

(sultry)

Mad about your leading lady. Can you see yourself?

GILLIGAN

Nope.

GINGER

(sultry)

Why not?

REVERSE ANGLE

GILLIGAN

You told me to close my eyes.

GINGER

Open them.

Gilligan opens his eyes.

GILLIGAN AND GINGER

GINGER (cont'd)

(sultry)

Now, since you can have anything at all, what do you want?

REVERSE ANGLE

GILLIGAN

I want to help you hang up the clothes so we can go butterfly hunting.

GILLIGAN AND GINGER

GINGER

(disappointed)

Gilligan, hanging up the clothes is menial work.

BACK TO SCENE

GINGER (cont'd)

(sultry)

We can't do that now.

GILLIGAN

How come everybody's telling me what I can't do? I know what I can do. Listen, Ginger, I'm just as good at clothes-hanger-upper as I was before--

Gilligan attempts to hang a garment, but tears it.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Oops. Sorry, Ginger. Are you mad?

GINGER

(disappointed)

Not at all. It's what I always wanted. Cross-ventilation.

FLIP TO:

INT./EXT. HOWELLS HUT - DAY

Mr. Howell enters their hut.

MR HOWELL

Oh, Gilligan, my boy, where are you?

Gilligan enters through the beaded curtain.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

Ah, there you are. I have a surprise for you.

GILLIGAN

You found somebody else to adopt?

MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

No, we're giving you a big coming-out party.

GILLIGAN

GILLIGAN

Coming out of what?

MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

You're coming out of the murky, dreary jungle of ...

GILLIGAN

MR HOWELL (O.S.)

... untutored mediocrity.

GILLIGAN

Yuck. I better go take a shower.

BACK TO SCENE

MR HOWELL

That's my boy.

GILLIGAN

My best friends won't tell me. No wonder nobody goes butterfly hunting with me.

MR HOWELL

No, we're going to give you a big party. You've learned your lessons well, and tomorrow night you're going to be officially launched in society. You're a very, very lucky young man.

Gilligan goes to the window and peers outside.

OUT WINDOW, OVER GILLIGAN'S SHOULDER

Mary Ann, Professor, Ginger, and Skipper sit around the dining table in the clearing.

GINGER

Hey, did you hear the one about the movie star who was divorced so many times she got custody of the judge?

They laugh, but Gilligan doesn't. Gilligan turns around, glum.

GILLIGAN

Yeah, I sure am lucky all right.

FADE OUT

END OF ACT ONE

ACT TWO

FADE IN:

EXT. CAMP - NIGHT

Skipper, Mary Ann, Professor, and Ginger sit near a campfire in the clearing. Professor leads them in a song.

PROFESSOR

All right, ready now?

GINGER

Uh-huh.

PROFESSOR/GINGER

"Row, row, row your boat gently   down the stream"
Merrily, merrily, merrily,   merrily, life is but a dream."

SKIPPER/MARY ANN

"Row, row, row your boat gently   down the stream"
Merrily, merrily, merrily,   merrily, life is but a dream."

INT. HOWELLS HUT - NIGHT

Gilligan lies on the chaise lounge chair reading a newspaper's financial reports. Mr. Howell plays solitaire, but cheats by looking at the next cards in his own deck. Mrs. Howell sews on a jacket for Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

Life is but a dream.

MR HOWELL

Don't you want to go out and join your little friends?

GILLIGAN

Join them? What for? They're just laughing and singing. And I get to stay in here and read these wonderful financial reports.

MR HOWELL

Oh, yes, yes, the masses are so easily amused, aren't they?

GILLIGAN

I bet they even think they're having fun, huh?

(disappointed)

Because it sure sounds like they're having fun.

MRS HOWELL

There now, Gilligan. This is all ready for your debut. And I'm sure it'll fit you perfectly.

Gilligan stands and walks over to Mrs. Howell to try on the jacket. Gilligan tries on the jacket.

MR HOWELL

Oh, what a joyous occasion. Tomorrow evening, all your friends will meet the new Gee Thurston Howell the Fourth. Marvelous, like it was made for you.

MRS HOWELL

Oh, isn't it thrilling? I'll never forget the night of my debut party.

MR HOWELL

Neither will the world forget. That was the night Napoleon got it at Waterloo.

Mrs. Howell scoffs.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

Oh, I was just joshing, my dear. But you're supposed to look happy. You look like you lost your last share of stock.

GILLIGAN AND MR. HOWELL

GILLIGAN

Well, it's the way everybody's treating me. Much too fancy, like I was made of glass or something.

MR HOWELL

Not glass, my boy, gold. You're made of solid gold. From your toes to your head, solid gold.

GILLIGAN

I don't feel any different.

MRS. HOWELL

MRS HOWELL

But you are different. Everybody treats you with more courtesy and great respect.

GILLIGAN AND MR. HOWELL

MRS HOWELL (O.S.)

And everybody wants something from you, right?

GILLIGAN

Right, and what do I do about it?

MR HOWELL

You use it. The way any self-respecting multimillionaire does, you use it. Power, my boy! You are a King.

GILLIGAN

And I can have anything I want?

MR HOWELL

Anything you want. What do you want?

GILLIGAN

I'm not sure, but I think I want to abdicate.

BACK TO SCENE

Mr. Howell tosses his solitaire deck back onto the table.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. HOWELLS HUT - NIGHT

Gilligan, wearing stripped pajamas, sleeps fitfully in a single bed.

GILLIGAN

I don't want power. I don't want to be a king. I don't want to be a king. I don't want power. I don't want to be a king.

RIPPLE DISSOLVE TO:

DREAM SEQUENCE - INT. CASTLE - DAY

Gilligan enters skipping, dressed as King, in the finest shiny clothes, carrying a butterfly net. He skips to the oversized chair between Mrs. Howell and Mr. Howell.

MRS. HOWELL, GILLIGAN, AND MR. HOWELL

GILLIGAN

Good morning, Royal Daddy. Good morning, Royal Mummy. I'm going butterfly, hunting.

MRS HOWELL

No, you can't. Not until you've seen the morning list of supplicants.

GILLIGAN

Oh, I don't like supplicants. I dislike supplicants. I hate supplicants.

GILLIGAN

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

What are supplicants?

MRS. HOWELL

MRS HOWELL

Sit down, Gilligan. And be a good little King.

MRS. HOWELL, GILLIGAN, AND MR. HOWELL

Gilligan sits in his oversized chair.

GILLIGAN

I never have any fun anymore.

MR HOWELL

Bring on the first supplicant.

MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

(to Gilligan)

Your Majesty, everyone in the kingdom wants your crown.

GILLIGAN

They do?

BACK TO SCENE

Mary Ann enters and kneels before King Gilligan.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Hi, Mary Ann.

(stands)

You want my crown?

Gilligan offers the crown to Mary Ann. Mary Ann stands.

GILLIGAN AND MARY ANN

MARY ANN

Oh, Your Highness, jests with me.

GILLIGAN

No, no, you take it. You be King.

MARY ANN

Oh, Your Excellency, I cannot.

GILLIGAN

Why not?

MARY ANN

Well, for one thing, because I'm a girl.

REVERSE ANGLE

GILLIGAN

I'm a boy. What's the difference?

MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

Egad, Queen Mother. The King is in need of higher education.

GILLIGAN AND MARY ANN

GILLIGAN

Hey, Mary Ann, take the crown and be King.

REVERSE ANGLE

MARY ANN

Oh, Your Highness, do not tease me so. I came but to ask you to grant me a farm.

GILLIGAN AND MARY ANN

GILLIGAN

To raise butterflies?

REVERSE ANGLE

MARY ANN

No, to provide sheep for the royal table.

GILLIGAN AND MARY ANN

GILLIGAN

We don't need any sheep for the royal table. We're already crowded enough as it is.

Gilligan places the crown back on his head.

MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

Ha, ha, ha, ha. Good one. A jolly jest.

GILLIGAN

GILLIGAN

Go away, Mary Ann. You're no fun.

BACK TO SCENE

Mary Ann bows and backs away.

MARY ANN

backs away and kneels.

BACK TO SCENE

PROFESSOR

Your liege.

Professor bows.

GILLIGAN

GILLIGAN

Professor Astronomer, you want to hunt butterflies with me?

PROFESSOR

PROFESSOR

Perhaps later, my liege, but right now there is much work to be done.

GILLIGAN

PROFESSOR (O.S.)

If you would grant the equipment I ask, I will discover great marvels in science for your kingdom.

GILLIGAN

Like what?

BACK TO SCENE

Professor unfurls a scroll and examines it.

PROFESSOR

Oh, Copernicus already has the earth moving around. Copernicus already has the earth moving around the sun. Pythagoras has done the scale.

GILLIGAN

PROFESSOR (O.S.)

Oh, here's something that needs discovering.

PROFESSOR

PROFESSOR

Frozen foods. Now how does that strike my liege?

GILLIGAN

GILLIGAN

Leaves me cold.

BACK TO SCENE

MR HOWELL

Ha, ha, ha. A chip off the old scepter. Very good.

GILLIGAN

Go away.

Professor bows, backs away, and kneels next to Mary Ann. Gilligan rises.

NEW ANGLE

Gilligan mimes catching butterflies. Ginger enters.

GINGER

Your Highness.

Ginger bows. Gilligan prances around the castle chasing butterflies.

GILLIGAN

(to Ginger)

I'm busy.

(to himself)

There goes one.

Ginger chases after Gilligan.

GINGER

Your Majesty.

Gilligan swipes at imaginary butterflies.

GILLIGAN

Shh.

GINGER

Your Highness.

Gilligan stops.

GILLIGAN

Hmm?

GINGER

(sultry)

All I want is one little dance with your Royal Masculine Cuteness. One royal foxtrot or one royal waltz.

GILLIGAN

Go away. Girls are pests. There goes another one.

Ginger joins Mary Ann and Professor and kneels next to them.

GILLIGAN

sits in his oversized chair. Frowning.

BACK TO SCENE

Skipper enters and bows.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Don't tell me. Let me guess. You want a whole fleet of ships.

SKIPPER

SKIPPER

Grant me that fleet of ships, sire. I shall sail for the Orient. I shall bring you back rare pearls, gold, frankincense for your treasures.

GILLIGAN

GILLIGAN

Phooey on the Orient. I don't like gold. I don't like frankincense. I don't even like chow mein.

BACK TO SCENE

Gilligan stands.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

All I want to do is hunt butterflies. Away.

Gilligan hits Skipper with the end of the butterfly net.

MARY ANN, PROFESSOR, SKIPPER AND GINGER

Skipper backs away toward the others.

BACK TO SCENE

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Won't anybody play with me?

MARY ANN, PROFESSOR, SKIPPER AND GINGER

MARY ANN/PROFESSOR/SKIPPER/GINGER

No.

GILLIGAN

GILLIGAN

All right, then. Off with their heads.

MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

So be it.

Mr. Howell snaps his fingers.

MARY ANN, PROFESSOR, SKIPPER AND GINGER

A cage is lowered onto them.

MRS. HOWELL

MRS HOWELL

Bring on the guillotine.

GILLIGAN

GILLIGAN

Oh, stop, Royal Daddy. Stop, Royal Mummy. I didn't mean it.

MARY ANN, PROFESSOR, SKIPPER AND GINGER

A guillotine drops in front of the cage. After it hits the floor, the blade falls. Mary Ann, covers her mouth in horror.

CLOSE ON MARY ANN, PROFESSOR, SKIPPER AND GINGER

SKIPPER

We're doomed.

GINGER

Oh, please spare us.

GILLIGAN

GILLIGAN

No, stop. Stop. I wouldn't hurt anybody. I wouldn't even hurt a butterfly. I always let him go when I catch him. Stop.

MRS. HOWELL

MRS HOWELL

It's too late, my dear.

MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

The King's word is the royal command.

MRS. HOWELL, GILLIGAN, AND MR. HOWELL

GILLIGAN

No, no. I don't want to be King.

(removes crown; places it on footstool)

No, really, I don't want to be King. I don't want to be King. I don't want to be King.

(stomps crown)

I don't want to be King. I don't wanna be King. I don't want to be King. I don't wanna be King.

END DREAM SEQUENCE.

RIPPLE DISSOLVE TO:

INT. HOWELLS HUT - NIGHT

Gilligan, dressed in Howell stripped pajamas, dreams in his bed. He mimes stomping his foot, as if he's stomping a crown.

GILLIGAN

But I don't want to be king. I don't want to be king. I don't want to be king. I don't want to be king.

Gilligan suddenly awakes and sits up. He looks around and rolls out of bed. He exits through the beaded door.

EXT. CAMP - NIGHT

Gilligan, still dressed in pajamas, applies a tar brush to the outside of the Boys Hut. A light inside turns on. A sleepy Skipper, sans Captain cap, exits the hut.

GILLIGAN

brushes tar onto the hut's exterior wall. Gilligan glances over at Skipper.

SKIPPER

sleepily looks around.

SKIPPER

Who's out here?

GILLIGAN

GILLIGAN

Just me, Skipper.

SKIPPER

SKIPPER

Gilligan, what in the name of the seven seas are you doing?

GILLIGAN AND SKIPPER

GILLIGAN

I'm tarring and thinking, Skipper. I don't want to be King.

REVERSE ANGLE

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

I don't want to chop off your head.

SKIPPER

Huh?

GILLIGAN AND SKIPPER

GILLIGAN

I'm not cut out to be a Howell. I don't want to disappoint you, ...

REVERSE ANGLE

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

... but I don't want to be rich and I don't want to be famous. I just want to be me. Are you mad?

SKIPPER

No, I'm not mad. Every man has a right to be himself, even a Gilligan.

GILLIGAN AND SKIPPER

GILLIGAN

Thanks, Skipper.

SKIPPER

Have you told the Howells yet?

GILLIGAN

That's the problem. I can't.

SKIPPER

Why not?

GILLIGAN

Because they went to so much trouble trying to make me what I should be. Now they believe that's what I am, and I don't want to tell them I'm not.

REVERSE ANGLE

SKIPPER

Gilligan, first they broke the mold, and then they made you.

GILLIGAN AND SKIPPER

GILLIGAN

Skipper, I can't hurt their feelings no matter what.

REVERSE ANGLE

SKIPPER

Well, you know, little buddy, in spite of yourself, you still have to wind up being king, but I think I have an answer to your problem.

GILLIGAN AND SKIPPER

GILLIGAN

You do?

SKIPPER

Certainly. With a little brain power and a little intelligence, I think I know exactly what to do to solve the problem.

GILLIGAN

What?

REVERSE ANGLE

SKIPPER

We'll ask the professor. Come on.

FLIP TO:

INT. BOYS HUT

Skipper and Gilligan stand on either side of the Professor's hammock. Skipper wears his Captain's cap. Gilligan wears the stripped Howell pajamas and holds a candle for light. Skipper Professor sits up.

PROFESSOR

Yes, I think I have the answer.

SKIPPER

I told you the professor would know.

GILLIGAN

You were right. What's the answer?

ZOOM ON PROFESSOR

PROFESSOR

When it comes to being tricky, ask a woman.

FLIP TO:

INT. GIRLS HUT - NIGHT

FOLLOW MARY ANN

as she joins Ginger, Skipper, and Gilligan. Gilligan wears his G. Thurston Howell IV clothes. Ginger wears a white mens dress shirt as a night shirt with her hair up. Mary Ann wears a (likely light blue) mens dress shirt as a night shirt.

MARY ANN

Are you willing to give up all that?

GILLIGAN

So we can be friends like we used to be before I get rich and famous.

MARY ANN

Oh, I think we owe Gilligan a thanks.

GINGER

I think he should have his head examined. If that's what you want, Gilligan. Hey, I got an idea.

GILLIGAN

Huh?

GINGER

Listen.

They gather into a huddle to listen to Ginger's idea.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. CAMP - NIGHT

Gilligan emerges from a hut as Mr. Howell attends to Gilligan's debut party preparations. Two tables are set up, both with table cloths. One table has a bouquet of flowers, fruit, and stacks of bowls and plates. The other table has gourds, coconut cups, and bottles of liquor. Mr. Howell is dressed in a white tuxedo jacket and bow tie. Gilligan is dressed identically, except that he has black studs instead of white buttons on his dress shirt. Two torches illuminate the area.

GILLIGAN

Gee, I sure am excited. How do I look?

MR HOWELL

Oh, you look wonderful, I must say.

MRS HOWELL

You know your debut is going to be the social event of the season. Is Mrs. Howell busy making the last minute preparations?

GILLIGAN

Uh-huh. And dear old dad, how much do I get for my allowance?

Gilligan crosses his arms.

MR HOWELL

I beg your pardon?

GILLIGAN

Like all rich kids get. How does ten thousand a month hit you?

MR HOWELL

Ten thousand dollars a month? That's more than I give Mrs. Howell for her p--

(sees other castaways approach)

We'll talk about it later.

GINGER, MARY ANN, PROFESSOR AND SKIPPER

enter the clearing from the jungle. Ginger wears a formal gown. Mary Ann wears her gingham dress. Professor wears a sportcoat and necktie. Skipper wears a sportcoat and a necktie.

GINGER

Hello.

PROFESSOR

Well, isn't this nice?

GILLIGAN

(snobbishly)

You know, dear old dad, I'm going to need that money for one thing or another.

Ginger walks over to Mr. Howell and Gilligan.

GINGER

(sultry)

Am I one thing, honey?

GILLIGAN

(to Ginger)

No, you're another.

Gilligan pats Ginger on the cheek.

GILLIGAN AND GINGER

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Promised the kid fifty thou for a new play when we get back home.

MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

You'll do what?

BACK TO SCENE

Mary Ann interrupts.

MARY ANN

Ginger, we forgot the special dessert.

GINGER

Oh, we'll be right back.

Mary Ann and Ginger exit.

GILLIGAN

(snobbily)

Anyway, dear old dad, I can pick up extra loot anytime I want.

GILLIGAN

walks over to Skipper. Skipper eats a banana.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Right, Skip?

Gilligan punches Skipper in the belly.

SKIPPER

Oof! You're a tough cookie, Gee Thurston.

GILLIGAN

We own the Minnow now.

MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

You own the Minnow?

PROFESSOR, SKIPPER AND GILLIGAN

GILLIGAN

Yep. Won the old tub and a card game last night.

(pulls deck of cards from his pocket)

The moral is you can't judge a dumb kid by his cover.

Mr. Howell joins them. Gilligan ruffles the card deck.

SKIPPER

You're a real hustler. One of the greats.

MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

A Howell a hustler? I may faint.

BACK TO SCENE

GILLIGAN

Let me get you a stool there, dear old Dad.

Gilligan pulls out a stool from under the table.

GILLIGAN'S FEET

As Gilligan reaches down for the stool, an ace of spaces falls onto the ground.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Oh.

Skipper's foot steps on the card before Gilligan can pick it up.

SKIPPER

Ha ha!

BACK TO SCENE

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Ace of spades, eh?

GILLIGAN

acknowledges the truth in the accusation.

SKIPPER (O.S.)

So, Howell the Fourth cheats at cards.

MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

Oh, a scandal. Oh, for shame!

SKIPPER

SKIPPER

Well, what have you got to say for yourself, you low-lying sea serpent?

GILLIGAN

GILLIGAN

Nothing. Us sea serpents can't talk. Martinis, anyone?

BACK TO SCENE

PROFESSOR

Yes, I could use a drink. I'm frankly astonished at this ghastly metamorphosis.

SKIPPER

Oh, never mind that. What about my boat?

GILLIGAN

moves to the second table to mix Professor's martini.

GILLIGAN

Oh, keep your old boat. See if I care.

Skipper joins him.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Dear old dad will buy me another one. Won't you, dear old dad?

MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

Oh, I could kill myself. I may climb up on top of my money and jump off.

SKIPPER AND GILLIGAN

Gilligan pours gin from a bottle into a gourd.

GILLIGAN

Gin. And some vermouth.

Gilligan spritzes Vermouth from a perfume bottle into the gourd.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

There we go.

(pours drink into a coconut cup)

There. Now.

GILLIGAN

delivers the drink to Professor.

PROFESSOR AND GILLIGAN

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Here you are, Professor.

Gilligan hands the coconut cup to Professor.

PROFESSOR

Thank you.

GILLIGAN

Sensational, huh?

PROFESSOR

I'm afraid it's a bit dry.

GILLIGAN

Are you telling me one of my perfect martinis is too dry?

MR. HOWELL

PROFESSOR (O.S.)

Yes.

GILLIGAN (O.S.)

Don't you realize that Howell's making martinis for generations?

PROFESSOR (O.S.)

It's too dry.

SKIPPER

GILLIGAN (O.S.)

You're insulting a family tradition!

SKIPPER

Oh, never mind that, Gilligan. Make him another drink.

PROFESSOR AND GILLIGAN

GILLIGAN

I will.

Gilligan takes the coconut cup from Professor and returns to the second table.

SKIPPER AND GILLIGAN

as Gilligan returns to make a replacement drink. Gilligan pours only gin and no Vermouth.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

He wants a nice, wet martini. I'll give him a nice, wet martini.

Gilligan returns to Professor with the martini.

PROFESSOR AND GILLIGAN

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Here we go. Nice, wet martini.

Gilligan sips the drink.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Here you are, Professor. Just the way you like it. Nice and wet.

Gilligan pours the drink over Professor's head.

BACK TO SCENE

MR HOWELL

Oh, Gilligan!

GILLIGAN

Buy him a new suit, dear old dad.

MR HOWELL

Heavens, I've created a Frankenstein.

PROFESSOR

Mr. Howell, I find the behavior of your son and heir shocking and disgraceful.

GILLIGAN

Don't forget obnoxious.

Professor walks toward the jungle path.

MR HOWELL

Yes, I may strike Gee Thurston Howell the Fourth, only in his mood he may strike back.

PROFESSOR

heads toward the jungle path. He crosses paths with Mary Ann and Ginger returning with the special dessert. Professor flashes the "okay" sign and Mary Ann flashes an "okay" sign back. Ginger carries a pie.

GINGER

Surprise! Surprise for Gilligan's coming out party.

MARY ANN

Ginger's specialty, a coconut cream pie.

MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

We could use a pleasant moment right now.

GILLIGAN, SKIPPER, AND GINGER

GILLIGAN

You brought me a coconut cream pie?

GINGER

Yes, Gilligan. You know, it was hard to make cream from coconut milk.

GILLIGAN

Don't you know my grandmother fed me coconut cream morning, ...

MR. HOWELL

GILLIGAN (O.S.)

... noon, and night when I was little?

GINGER (O.S.)

Pretend it's Loganberry, then.

GILLIGAN, SKIPPER, AND GINGER

GILLIGAN

But it's not Loganberry.

(takes pie from Ginger; angrily)

It's coconut cream.

MR. HOWELL

stands.

MR HOWELL

Stop!

BACK TO SCENE

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

Don't hit Ginger with that pie!

Gilligan feigns throwing the pie at Ginger, but hits Mr. Howell squarely in the face.

GILLIGAN

I didn't.

Mr. Howell wipes some of the coconut cream from his face.

MR HOWELL

(very calmly)

Excuse me, everyone. I would like a word with Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

Don't you mean Gee Thurston Howell the Fourth?

MR HOWELL

No. I mean--

(angrily)

Gilligan!

Mr. Howell takes Gilligan's arm and they exit. Skipper smiles.

FLIP TO:

INT. HOWELLS HUT - NIGHT

Gilligan sits at a small table while Mr. Howell paces and admonishes him.

MR HOWELL

The name Howell has always stood for élan, stood for style, noblesse oblige.

GILLIGAN

Don't forget money.

MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

Money means power. And with power comes responsibility in your behavior toward others.

GILLIGAN

GILLIGAN

I sure missed the boat, huh?

MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

You were unbelievable. You were crude, ...

GILLIGAN

MR HOWELL (O.S.)

... you were rude, you were boorish.

GILLIGAN

And don't forget obnoxious. I really was obnoxious.

MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

And don't forget dishonest and vulgar. You were very vulgar.

GILLIGAN

MR HOWELL (O.S.)

Ooh, you were.

GILLIGAN

Okay, Mr. Howell, you don't have to say any more. I understand.

(stands)

You don't want to be my father anymore.

MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

I'm sorry, Gilligan. I really am.

GILLIGAN

MR HOWELL (O.S.)

And when we get back home, you'll be rewarded. I guess you just weren't cut out to be a Howell.

Gilligan shakes his head.

BACK TO SCENE

MR HOWELL

No hard feelings, boy.

Mr. Howell places his hand on Gilligan's shoulder.

GILLIGAN

No, sir, I think you know best.

Gilligan places his hand on Mr. Howell's shoulder. They pat each other's shoulders. Gilligan exits. Mrs. Howell enters through the beaded door.

MRS HOWELL

Oh, Thurston, couldn't you have given him one more chance?

MR HOWELL

He didn't want one. That boy is all heart. Not a bad actor, either.

MRS HOWELL

He's an actor?

MR HOWELL

Yes, my dear.

Mr. Howell opens their door to show Mrs. Howell the other castaways gathered in the clearing.

EXT. CAMP - NIGHT

Skipper, Mary Ann, Gilligan, Ginger, and Professor gather and congratulate each other for the fine charade. Mary Ann and Gilligan kiss each other on the cheeks. Gilligan turns and he and Ginger exchange kisses on the cheek. Professor shakes his hand. They have the old Gilligan back. They exit into the jungle.

INT. HOWELLS HUT - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS

Mrs. Howell and Mr. Howell praise Gilligan.

MRS HOWELL

Oh, Thurston, he really didn't want to be a Howell, did he?

MR HOWELL

No, it's incredible. He didn't want to be a Howell, but he didn't want to hurt our feeling.

MRS HOWELL

You're a marvelous judge of human nature, dear.

MR HOWELL

Well, above all, I'm a Howell, which is synonymous with being astute, generous, charming, kind, and handsome. And above all, modest.

Mrs. Howell pats Mr. Howell on the cheek.

FADE OUT

END OF ACT TWO

TAG

FADE IN:

INT. BOYS HUT - DAY

Gilligan stands in front of a mirror and adjusts his clothes.

GILLIGAN

It sure is nice to be wearing my own clothes again.

SKIPPER

Oh, it's nice having you back, little buddy.

Gilligan turns from the mirror to Skipper.

GILLIGAN

When I was Gee Thurston Howell the Fourth, I had to be neat and clean and everything.

SKIPPER

I know, that must have been murder. Here, let me dirty you up a little.

Skipper reaches down, grabs some sand, and wipes it on Giligan's chest.

GILLIGAN

Huh? Oh, thanks, Skipper, thanks.

SKIPPER

You know, it's all right for the Howells to be a Howell, but it's just too tough for anyone else.

Mr. Howell enters.

MR HOWELL

One question. Who was it placed that night over the quicksand down by the spring?

MR. HOWELL AND SKIPPER

SKIPPER

I did, Mr. Howell. I was afraid somebody might forget about the quicksand.

REVERSE ANGLE

MR HOWELL

Well, your quick thinking saved Missus. Howell's life.

GILLIGAN

GILLIGAN

That's great. Did you hear that, Skipper?

MR. HOWELL AND SKIPPER

MR HOWELL

What do you mean, "Skipper"? From now on, it's Ess Thurston Howell, the Fifth.

SKIPPER

What?

REVERSE ANGLE

MR HOWELL

You heard me, son.

SKIPPER

Oh, but Mr. Howell, this is not...

MR HOWELL

Dad.

MR. HOWELL AND SKIPPER

SKIPPER

Oh, come on, Mister Howell.

MR HOWELL

Dear old dad.

SKIPPER

Oh, now, please, Mister Howell.

MR HOWELL

Daddsy-waddsy.

SKIPPER (O.S.)

Okay, Mister Howell, ...

GILLIGAN

smiles.

SKIPPER (O.S.) (cont'd)

... I... Come on, Mister Howell. Mister Howell.

MR HOWELL (O.S.)

Oh, yes. Oh, yes.

FADE OUT.

THE END