Gilligan's Island - s1e34 - Goodbye Old Paint

TEASER

FADE IN:

EXT. LAGOON BEACH - DAY

Gilligan walks along the lagoon shore and tries to balance a bamboo pole on the bridge of his nose. He stops and smells flowers and a pineapple plant. Then he notices an abstract painting on an easel. He looks at the painting.

GILLIGAN

I wonder who painted this. Skipper! Professor! Mister Howell!

FLIP TO:

EXT. LAGOON BEACH - LATER

DUBOV'S PAINTING

PULL BACK TO REVEAL

Gilligan and the Howells examine the painting.

MR HOWELL

Not guilty.

MRS HOWELL

Thurston, it's certainly vaguely familiar.

GILLIGAN

How come nobody admits to painting it? The Skipper, Ginger,Professor, Mary Ann. They all deny it.

MRS. AND MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

Can you blame them?

MRS HOWELL

There's no doubt that it‘s abstract.

BACK TO SCENE

MR HOWELL

It's ridiculous.

MRS HOWELL

It's scary.

DUBOV

looks on from the jungle.

DUBOV

Nincompoopers! It's upside down.

BACK TO SCENE

Mrs. Howell, Mr. Howell, and Gilligan look toward Dubov.

DUBOV

Stares back, frustrated.

FADE OUT

END OF TEASER

ACT ONE

FADE IN:

EXT. LAGOON BEACH - LATER

Dubov walks over to the easel and turns the painting right-side up.

DUBOV

Now look.

Gilligan and the Howells stare at Dubov.

DUBOV (cont'd)

At painting, not on me.

GILLIGAN

Who are you?

DUBOV

I am Dubov.

MRS. AND MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

What are you doing on this island?

DUBOV AND GILLIGAN

DUBOV

First thing, telling you to get off.

MRS. AND MR. HOWELL

MRS HOWELL

Thurston, it isn't possible.

MR HOWELL

It's incredible, but it is entirely possible.

DUBOV AND GILLIGAN

DUBOV

Of course it's possible. Taking boat and Dubov waving goodbye.

MRS. AND MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

You don't understand. We're considering the possibility that you are the Alexandre Gregor Dubov.

DUBOV AND GILLIGAN

DUBOV

Is there another Alexandre Gregor Dubov in whole world?

MRS. AND MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

Hardly.

DUBOV AND GILLIGAN

DUBOV

Then I am me.

BACK TO SCENE

DUBOV (cont'd)

Now Dubov turn around, count three, everybody gone.

Dubov turns his back to them and counts to three.

DUBOV (cont'd)

Everybody's still here.

MRS HOWELL

But, of course we're still here.

MR HOWELL

Don't you see? We're shipwrecked on this island.

DUBOV AND GILLIGAN

GILLIGAN

We can't get off the island.

DUBOV

You can swim it.

GILLIGAN

Five-hundred miles?

DUBOV

Try backstroke, it's very relaxing.

Gilligan motions that Dubov is crazy.

MRS. AND MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

You don't understand. Eccentric, yes, but not mad. Long ago, the art world decided Dubov was... shall we say, a little...

DUBOV AND GILLIGAN

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

... far-out.

DUBOV

That's good way to say it.

BACK TO SCENE

DUBOV (cont'd)

You know Dubov. Dubov don't know you.

MR HOWELL

I am Thurston Howell the Third, world-famous man of wealth. This lovely creature beside me is Missus Thurston Howell the Third, world-famous patroness of the arts.

DUBOV

And who are you, skinny kiddo?

GILLIGAN

I'm Gilligan. Then maybe you can answer question.

Dubov holds up the painting.

DUBOV

What is that called?

GILLIGAN

Looks like a couple of hard-boiled eggs.

DUBOV

Peasant! It is scrambled eggs!

Dubov grabs the easel and carries it and the painting inland.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. CAMP - DAY

Dubov sits at the table in the clearing. Before him are an empty plate and a bamboo glass. Dubov holds knife and fork and pounds them on the table.

DUBOV

Little girlie!

MARY ANN

walks from behind the hut to Dubov. Mary Ann puts her hands on her hips.

MARY ANN

My name is Mary Ann.

DUBOV

Very beautiful name, Marushka.

MARY ANN

Why don't you use it, please?

DUBOV

You mad on Dubov?

MARY ANN

Well, who isn't?

DUBOV

Everybody mad on Dubov?

MARY ANN

They way you've pushed everybody around, what do you expect?

BACK TO SCENE

DUBOV

They don't like him, why they don't go?

MARY ANN

Mister Dubov, there is no way off this island.

DUBOV

Dubov have way.

MARY ANN

You do? How?

DUBOV

Dubov don't talk on empty stomach.

MARY ANN

smiles.

MARY ANN

Seconds, thirds, and fourths coming right up.

BACK TO SCENE

Mary Ann turns and exits.

FLIP TO:

EXT. CAMP - LATER

Dubov continues to eat. He chews the last bits of food.

DUBOV

Now Dubov is done.

GILLIGAN

I've never seen anyone eat so much.

DUBOV

Was not even hungry.

PROFESSOR

Now will you tell us how you can get off this island?

GILLIGAN

We looked all over the island, but we couldn't find a boat.

DUBOV

Don't have a boat.

PROFESSOR

Then you can't get off.

DUBOV

Can get off.

GILLIGAN

How?

DUBOV

By boat.

GILLIGAN

You just said you didn't have a boat.

DUBOV

Have transmitter, call boat.

PROFESSOR

You've got a transmitter?

DUBOV

Don't I just said that?

GILLIGAN

Yeah, where is it?

DUBOV

At cave.

PROFESSOR

Where is the cave?

DUBOV

If I tell, you come?

PROFESSOR

Of course.

DUBOV

You too?

GILLIGAN

Sure.

DUBOV

Then I don't tell.

PROFESSOR

Oh, wait, Dubov, we've got to be able to use your transmitter.

DUBOV

To call boat?

PROFESSOR

Yes.

DUBOV

No.

GILLIGAN

No?

Dubov stands up from the table.

DUBOV

Yes, no. Ten years ago, Dubov don't like critics. Dubov don't like people. Dubov don't like Dubov. So, come to island.

GILLIGAN

Oh, I think you're a real nice guy, don't you, Professor?

PROFESSOR

Oh, I think he's one of the most charming, personable, most likeable people I've ever met in my whole life.

GILLIGAN

Now, where's the transmitter?

DUBOV

When Dubov is ready, Dubov call boat.

PROFESSOR

Please, Mr. Dubov, I should think after ten years he'll be more than ready.

DUBOV

You know when is right time? When Dubov look on painting and say, "Dubov, you are ready."

GILLIGAN

"Dubov, you are ready."

DUBOV

Dubov is ready. To take nap.

Dubov exits.

INT./EXT. BOYS HUT - DAY

Skipper lies in the upper hammock. Dubov enters without knocking. Annoyed, Skipper turns away. Dubov walks over to Skipper.

SKIPPER

Hello and goodbye.

DUBOV

You sure don't be friendly.

SKIPPER

If you want to be friends, it's fine with me.

DUBOV

Good.

SKIPPER

Just don't order me around, that's all.

DUBOV

You sure got nice place here.

SKIPPER

Thanks.

DUBOV

It's now Dubov's.

Skipper rolls out of the hammock and confronts Dubov.

SKIPPER

Now what?

DUBOV

I gonna take short nap for ten, twelve hours. Call me when it's time for breakfast.

SKIPPER

Listen, you weasel, easel. I'm gonna--

Professor and Gilligan appear at the window.

GILLIGAN

Hey, Skipper.

SKIPPER

Not now, Gilligan, I'm busy.

GILLIGAN

Please, Skipper.

SKIPPER

Gilligan, it'll have to wait, whatever it is, because I'm going to throw this big ape out on his ears.

PROFESSOR AND GILLIGAN

look through the bamboo bars on the window.

GILLIGAN

Be nice to him.

DUBOV AND SKIPPER

DUBOV

Better listen to him, fatso.

SKIPPER

Fatso?

PROFESSOR AND GILLIGAN

PROFESSOR

Skipper, would you mind stepping outside for just a moment?

DUBOV AND SKIPPER

SKIPPER

All right, Professor.

BACK TO SCENE

SKIPPER (cont'd)

(to Dubov)

But you better be here when I get back, Dubov.

DUBOV

Don't worry, Dubov going to be here when you don't come back.

Skipper hits his head on the door frame as he exits the hut.

DUBOV (cont'd)

Watch your head, roly-poly.

Professor and Gilligan grab Skipper to pull him out of the hut.

EXT. BOYS HUT - DAY

Professor and Gilligan pull Skipper out of the hut.

SKIPPER

What is it, Professor?

PROFESSOR

Skipper? Skipper, we have got to be nice to him.

SKIPPER

You know, give me one good reason.

GILLIGAN

He's got a transmitter.

SKIPPER

Well, that's a good reason.

Dubov tosses out the Skipper's clothing and it hits him in the head.

PROFESSOR

Control yourself.

SKIPPER

Smiling. Smiling. I'm smiling. Look, I'm smiling.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. ISLAND - NIGHT

ESTABLISHING SHOT

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. CAMP - NIGHT

Mr. Howell appears from behind a hut and quietly walks to the clearing to find Skipper and Gilligan sleeping on the ground.

MR HOWELL

Are you sleeping?

SKIPPER

Of course I'm sleeping, Mister Howell. Who could stay awake on this nice, hard ground?

MR HOWELL

Never thought of it. But he's sleeping.

Gilligan suddenly awakes.

GILLIGAN

Man the the yard, yard. Shiver your timbers.

Skipper covers Gilligan's mouth.

SKIPPER

Any time you're through, Captain Bligh.

GILLIGAN

I must have been dreaming. Is it morning?

MR HOWELL

No, it's the middle of the night.

MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

But the sun is about to shine on us thanks to my sneaksmanship.

GILLIGAN AND SKIPPER

lie on the ground.

GILLIGAN

I don't get it.

SKIPPER

What I think Mister Howell means is the fact that he's got an underhanded plot to get that transmitter away from Dubov.

MR HOWELL (O.S.)

Yes, ...

MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

... and the beauty of this plan is its simplicity, because the more simple a thing is, the more beautiful it is.

GILLIGAN AND SKIPPER

GILLIGAN

I must be gorgeous.

SKIPPER

Never mind him, Mister Howell.

MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

Now, first of all, we've got to get Dubov to paint a new painting.

GILLIGAN AND SKIPPER

GILLIGAN

What good will that do?

SKIPPER

I must admit, Mr. Howell, it's a very good question.

GILLIGAN

Thanks. Should I ask it again?

MR HOWELL

No, no, you don't have to, ...

MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

... because I'll give you the answer. When he finishes the painting, we'll rave about it, we'll fight over it, we'll bid millions for it, and he'll think that he's the greatest artist in the whole world.

GILLIGAN AND SKIPPER

SKIPPER

I get it. That way, he'll want to be rescued.

MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

And he'll be convinced that the world is ready for Dubov again.

GILLIGAN AND SKIPPER

GILLIGAN

Can he paint my picture?

MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

No, the world isn't quite that ready.

SKIPPER

Well, and then Missus Howell, too, she says that Dubov never, never paints people.

MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

Ah-ha! But he'll paint Ginger.

GILLIGAN AND SKIPPER

GILLIGAN

(agreeing)

Yeah.

(disagreeing)

No, she's people.

MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

He'll paint Ginger, believe me, according to the Howell plan.

BACK TO SCENE

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

You want to go to sleep? Here, just take that.

(gives teddybear to Gilligan)

Nighty-night.

GILLIGAN

Night.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. CAMP - DAY

Professor sits at a small, square table reading a book. Ginger reclines on a chaise lounge and files her nails with an emery board. Dubov walks around her, puts his thumb out, and walks around behind Ginger.

DUBOV

You sure Picasso paints you?

DUBOV AND GINGER

GINGER

He pestered me for months.

DUBOV

Chagall painted you?

GINGER

(sultry)

How could I say "no" to that darling little man?

DUBOV AND GINGER

DUBOV

Okay, girlie, you don't be painted till Dubov paints you.

GINGER

Sorry. Not interested.

DUBOV

face sinks.

BACK TO SCENE

DUBOV

(to Professor)

You hear what she said? She's not interested.

PROFESSOR

That's what she said.

DUBOV AND GINGER

DUBOV

Why you don't be interested?

GINGER

Because, Mister Dubov, I'm a movie star, and I have to be careful about my image.

DUBOV AND GINGER

DUBOV

Dubov will make you even more famous than, than, than Mae Busch.

GINGER

Who?

DUBOV

Mae Busch. Krasavitse. There is a hot potato.

GINGER

Besides, I promised Salvador Dalí that he could be next, and everybody says that he's the most.

DUBOV

You know what I say about Salvador Dalí? I say, "Phooey."

GINGER

Well, I'll be sure to tell him.

DUBOV

Okay, girlie, if you don't pose for Dubov, Dubov gets mad. And when Dubov gets mad, he don't eat, he don't sleep, he sometimes even kills himself.

GINGER

I wouldn't want you to do that.

BACK TO SCENE

DUBOV

Good. On your feet. Now we must think of pose for girlie to paint.

GINGER

Well, uh, the photographers say I look my best like this.

Ginger poses.

DUBOV

No good. No good. Let me think. Idea is coming. Idea is coming. Idea is coming. Idea is here. Bali dancer.

GINGER

(indignantly)

Belly dancer?!

DUBOV

(in Russian)

Da.

GINGER

Well, I don't care if you are Leonardo da Vinci. I'm not posing as a belly dancer.

DUBOV

What's wrong with Bali dancer?

GINGER

I happen to be an actress, not a stripper.

DUBOV

Who said stripper? Belly dancer.

PROFESSOR (O.S.)

Ginger, he means Bali.

PROFESSOR

Bali dancers. The island of Bali.

BACK TO SCENE

GINGER

Well, why didn't he say so?

Ginger poses as a Bali dancer. Dubov glances at Professor.

DUBOV

Like I say, Bali dancer.

FLIP TO:

EXT. CAMP - LATER

Ginger, in Bali dancer costume, poses for Dubov. Dubov stands in front of an easel. A small, tall table holds containers with his paints and brushes. Mrs. Howell emerges from the jungle carrying a parasol. Dubov holds a paintbrush in his mouth.

DUBOV

Eee, yuk nyum. Eee, yuk nyum. You do it all over again.

Mrs. Howell looks over Dubov's shoulder at the painting. Dubov removes the paintbrush from his mouth.

DUBOV (cont'd)

Don't peek.

MRS HOWELL

I merely wanted to know how it was getting along.

DUBOV

If you want to know how it's getting along, ask Dubov.

MRS HOWELL

How is it getting along?

DUBOV

I don't tell you.

MRS HOWELL

Oh, pooh.

Mrs. Howell opens her parasol and exits. Dubov places a paintbrush back into his mouth.

DUBOV

Eee, yuk nyum. Eee, yuk nyum.

FLIP TO:

EXT. CAMP - DAY

Gilligan approaches. A pot suspended over a fire by a bamboo tripod holds a boiling liquid. Gilligan takes the spoon from the pot and tastes the liquid. He takes a second spoonful. Mary Ann enters with a gourd.

MARY ANN

Hi, Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

Hi. Hey, what is this stuff, Mary Ann? It's pretty good.

MARY ANN

Gilligan, that's paint thinner.

Gilligan grabs his throat as if it burns.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. CAMP - LATER

Ginger continues to hold her Bali dancer pose as Dubov paints her.

DUBOV

La da da da dee da da da da. Hey! Dubov takes nap.

GINGER

Can I rest too?

DUBOV

I don't care what you do. Picture is finished.

Dubov exits.

GINGER

Help! Help! Somebody unbend me!

Gilligan and Mary Ann enter.

MARY ANN

I think he's through.

Gilligan helps Ginger unbend herself. Professor and Mrs. Howell enter.

MRS HOWELL

Thurston, come here. It's all finished.

Mr. Howell enters.

PROFESSOR

I've never seen anything like that in my life.

GINGER

(aghast)

Oh!

CLOSE ON DUBOV'S PAINTING OF GINGER'S BALI DANCER

It is abstract. Polygons of paint, with the barest hint of a human figure.

GINGER AND PROFESSOR

GINGER (cont'd)

(angrily)

I'll kill him. Just give me two minutes and I'll kill him. A week and a half I posed for that. That thing! Out of my way, Mister Howell.

Ginger tries to push past Mr. Howell, but he restrains her and pushes her back to the Professor, who holds her.

MR HOWELL

No, you've got to remember our plan, Ginger.

GINGER

I'll kill him first and then I'll remember your plan.

PROFESSOR

Ginger, we have got to convince him that that painting is absolutely great.

GINGER

That would take an Academy Award performance.

BACK TO SCENE

MR HOWELL

Now listen, all of you remember to play the parts.

MRS HOWELL

Oh, I think it's absolutely divine. Perfectly fascinating.

GINGER, PROFESSOR AND MARY ANN

MARY ANN

I've never seen anything like it.

(aside to Ginger)

And that's the truth.

PROFESSOR

What superb artistry! Why, that painting must be worth a fortune.

MR. HOWELL, GILLIGAN, AND MRS. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

I bid one hundred thousand dollars!

MRS HOWELL

I bid two hundred thousand dollars!

GINGER, PROFESSOR, AND MARY ANN

GINGER

I wouldn't sell it for three hundred thousand dollars.

(aside)

I'd burn it first.

MR. HOWELL, GILLIGAN, AND MRS. HOWELL

GILLIGAN

Let's hear it for the artist. Hip, hip, hooray!

They join in the cheers for Dubov.

BACK TO SCENE

ALL

Hip, hip, hooray!

DUBOV

emerges from the Boys Hut.

DUBOV

Dubov, take bow. Sign autographs later. Maybe let ladies kiss hand of genius. Then send for boat and let world see painting.

MR. HOWELL, GILLIGAN, MRS. HOWELL, GINGER, PROFESSOR AND MARY ANN

GILLIGAN

Mister Howell, you were right. Your unhanded plan worked just great.

They cringe.

DUBOV

You mind repeating that skinny kiddo?

MR. HOWELL AND GILLIGAN

GILLIGAN

Sure. Mister Howell's unhanded plan worked just great.

DUBOV

as he joins the castaways.

DUBOV

Oh, a plan. Dubov have a plan too. Send you the bill. Dubov say, "Phooey on people." "Phooey on people."

GILLIGAN

I know, I know, I know. "Phooey on Gilligan."

MR HOWELL

You can say that again.

GILLIGAN

"Phooey on Gilligan."

Mr. Howell barks at Gilligan.

FADE OUT

END OF ACT ONE

ACT TWO

FADE IN:

EXT. ISLAND - DAY

ESTABLISHING SHOT OF THE ISLAND

EXT. CAMP - DAY

Mr. Howell enters while yawning. Gilligan enters from the other side of the clearing.

GILLIGAN

Morning, Mr. Howell.

MR HOWELL

Good morning, Gilligan, my boy.

GILLIGAN

Look what I found in the jungle, a picture Dubov did of Ginger.

MR HOWELL

What a way to start the day.

GILLIGAN

Yeah. Mr. Howell, I'm sorry I ruined your unhanded plan.

MR HOWELL

Oh, that's all right, Gilligan, my boy.

GILLIGAN

You're a real nice guy, forgiving and forgetting.

MR HOWELL

Oh, that's the motto of the Howell Mortgage Company. "If you can't forgive or forget, foreclose."

GILLIGAN

Mr. Howell, is this really supposed to be Ginger?

MR HOWELL

Yeah, what you see is, this is the Ginger, Gilligan, that we don't see. It's the turmoil, the seething passion, all that sort of thing like that. What he has painted here is what we might say the inner woman.

GILLIGAN

Oh, yeah, I can kind of see your lungs in appendix now.

MR HOWELL

I can see that you're not a devotee of modern art.

GILLIGAN

Mr. Howell, when I was in third grade, I painted like that and they flunked me in art.

MR HOWELL

That's hardly the same thing. You see, what Dubov has painted here is a great color composition. He has great freedom of expression. He actually soars. What he has is the ability to remain unencumbered.

GILLIGAN

What?

MR HOWELL

Unencumbered. Don't you paint unencumbered?

GILLIGAN

Sure, and I can draw radishes, too.

MR HOWELL

Radishes, oh, that's not easy. Did you say that you flunked art in the third grade?

GILLIGAN

Twice.

MR HOWELL

Help me, Toulouse-Lautrec, it might work. Well, you stay here and I'll enlist the aid of the others. Don't go away, Gilligan, my boy.

Mr. Howell walks to the Girls Hut window. He taps on the window frame.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

Girls, it is I, Thurston Howell the Third.

MARY ANN

Come in.

MR HOWELL

Come in. You heard it, huh?

Mr. Howell enters the Girls Hut.

GILLIGAN

Puzzled.

BACK TO SCENE

Mary Ann appears at the window.

MARY ANN

I don't know. I guess it's possible.

GILLIGAN

Perplexed.

BACK TO SCENE

Mr. Howell exits the Girls Hut and walks to Gilligan.

MR HOWELL

Keep calm, my boy. Chicanery is a foot...Oh, ho, ho, chicanery.

Mr. Howell moves to the Boys Hut and enters without knocking.

GILLIGAN

Even more perplexed.

BACK TO SCENE

Mr. Howell and Skipper exit the hut.

SKIPPER

What are you, out of your cotton-picking mind, now?

MR HOWELL

All right, all right, the Navy reaction. Probably believes in flogging in the sails yet.

(to Gilligan)

That man is a hard sell, a hard sell.

Mr. Howell disappears behind the hut into the jungle.

Mary Ann exits the Girls Hut and walks over to Gilligan.

MARY ANN

I'll do whatever I can.

Mary Ann exits. Mr. Howell re-enters the clearing followed by the Professor.

MR HOWELL

Just show me a loophole, Professor, just show me a loophole, that's all.

PROFESSOR

I've got to admit that setting Gilligan up as a rival genius would upset him and could probably lead him in our direction.

GILLIGAN

Did I hear you say Gilligan as a rival genius?

PROFESSOR AND MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

That's right. Gilligan, you are going to do an abstract painting.

GILLIGAN

I am?

PROFESSOR AND MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

And Duboff will scoff at it.

GILLIGAN

He's pretty good at scoffing.

PROFESSOR AND MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

The rest of them will admire it and hail it as an artistic triumph.

GILLIGAN

Mister Howell, I think Duboff will think you're crazy.

PROFESSOR AND MR. HOWELL

PROFESSOR

On the contrary, Gilligan, on the contrary. If he follows his pattern, and he will, his next move will be to get the art critics of the world to decide which of you is the master painter.

GILLIGAN

How are you going to get the art critics of the world here on the island?

PROFESSOR AND MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

Well, he can't. So we'll use that transmitter of his to send a message. A boat will come and presto, we are off the island.

GILLIGAN

Mr. Howell, you forgot one thing.

PROFESSOR AND MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

What's that?

GILLIGAN

What if he doesn't come back to see the painting?

PROFESSOR AND MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

He shall return.

GILLIGAN

Mr. Howell, he's a very stubborn man. He just might...

Gilligan sniffs the air.

BACK TO SCENE

Gilligan smells food. Mary Ann stands before the suspended pot, wafting the aroma with a fan. Gilligan follows his nose to the pot.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

That sure isn't paint thinner.

MARY ANN

It's turtle soup, laced with clam sauce and shrimp.

GILLIGAN

It smells great. Can I help you fan it?

MARY ANN

Oh, I'm not trying to cool it off.

GILLIGAN

It sure looks that way.

MARY ANN

I'm just creating a breeze.

GILLIGAN

Why?

MARY ANN

Because we don't have a telephone.

GILLIGAN

Because we don't have a what?

BACK TO SCENE

MARY ANN

Gilligan, stand back, please. I can't get my message through.

GILLIGAN

I've heard of sending messages by drums and flags, but never by waving soup.

Mary Ann looks off into the distance.

MARY ANN

Uh-huh. Your message has been received and answered. Look.

DUBOV

emerges from the jungle to the clearing. He smells the aroma. He smacks his lips.

FLIP TO:

EXT. CAMP - LATER

Skipper emerges from the jungle and walks over to Gilligan. Gilligan, wearing a barret, stands in front of an easel with his thumb extended. Beside him is a small table with painting supplies.

SKIPPER

Hi, little buddy.

GILLIGAN

Hi, Skipper.

SKIPPER

And how's it going?

GILLIGAN

Okay, I guess.

EASEL WITH PAINTING

that is completely blank.

SKIPPER

Well, you haven't even started yet.

GILLIGAN

I know.

SKIPPER

Well, why not?

GILLIGAN

I just can't seem to get in the mood.

SKIPPER

Oh, Gilligan, you don't have to get in the mood. Just put something on the canvas, and we'll do the rest.

GILLIGAN

It's not that easy.

SKIPPER

Oh, and how did your third-grade teacher get you in the mood?

GILLIGAN

She used to sing to me, Do you know Jack and Jill went up the hill?

SKIPPER

Oh, I know "Jack and Jill." Gilligan, for goodness sakes, will you paint so we can get that transmitter?

GILLIGAN

What should I put on there?

SKIPPER

Well, a leaf, a tree, a bush, anything. What difference does it make?

GILLIGAN

Well, maybe it makes no difference to you sailors, but to us artists...

SKIPPER

Gilligan.

SKIPPER

GILLIGAN

I know, I'll paint you.

SKIPPER

Me? Of all the crazy ideas.

GILLIGAN

holds his nose and chin with his hands.

GILLIGAN

It's very hard to get in the mood.

SKIPPER

Okay, I'll pose. You win.

GILLIGAN

has removed his hands from his face.

GILLIGAN

Pose like Ginger.

SKIPPER

That's silly.

BACK TO SCENE

GILLIGAN

Very, very hard to get in the mood.

Gilligan holds his nose and chin again.

SKIPPER

I'll pose like Ginger.

Skipper poses like Ginger's Bali dancer.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Well, you know what I feel like?

GILLIGAN

You know what you look like?

SKIPPER

Gilligan, never mind, just paint.

GILLIGAN

No, Skipper, you're not the dancer type. You're more like a sailor. Do the sailor pose, Skipper, like that.

Gilligan demonstrates. Skipper obliges and poses like a sailor with one foot off of the ground and his left hand saluting to shade from the sun.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Yeah, now lift the other foot.

SKIPPER

Gilligan, if I lift the other foot, I'll fall on the ground.

GILLIGAN

Well, you'll never know, Skipper. Why don't you just try? Just lift it up and give it a little...

SKIPPER

Gilligan, will you get behind that easel and paint?

GILLIGAN

Yeah, I'll paint you for memory, Skipper.

SKIPPER

Yes, from memory.

Skipper breaks the fourth wall. Gilligan paints. Skipper moves behind him to observe the artist in action. Gilligan pulls the paintbrush back, hitting Skipper in the face.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Yes, Gilligan, it's me, and it's very funny.

Gilligan puts the paintbrush down. He picks up a rag and tries to wipe the paint from Skipper's face, only to smear the paint.

GILLIGAN

Skipper, let me, let me take it off.

SKIPPER

Gilligan, will you stop that?

Skipper grabs the rag from Gilligan. Skipper tries to wipe the paint off his face, but only makes it worse.

GILLIGAN

Okay, Skipper, I'll be done in a minute.

Gilligan furiously paints.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

It's all done.

GILLIGAN'S PAINTING ON THE EASEL

Charitably, the painting could plausibly be of Skipper.

BACK TO SCENE

SKIPPER

That's me?

GILLIGAN

Yeah.

SKIPPER

Are you sure?

GILLIGAN

Nincompooper, it's upside down!

Gilligan turns the painting upside down. Skipper smiles uncomfortably and then hits Gilligan over the head with his cap.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. CAMP - DAY

Mr. Howell emerges from the jungle carrying Gilligan's painting of Skipper. Dubov reclines on a chaise lounge chair eating grapes.

MR HOWELL

Oh, you old scoundrel. I know what you're up to, but you're not going to get away with it.

DUBOV

Get away with what, Mister Man of Wealth? Phooey.

Dubov spits out a grape seed.

MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

Selling your second-rate paintings and holding out on your masterpiece.

DUBOV

Dubov do that?

BACK TO SCENE

MR HOWELL

That's exactly what you did. All right, all right, tell me, how much is it worth?

Mr. Howell reveals the painting to Dubov.

DUBOV

points to the canvas.

DUBOV

Somebody fall in a bucket of paint and wipe face with canvas?

MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

Very funny. Just name your price.

DUBOV

You really want to know what this worth?

BACK TO SCENE

DUBOV (cont'd)

Phooey.

Mrs. Howell enters.

MRS HOWELL

Thurston, wherever did you find that divine painting?

MR HOWELL

Well, never mind where I find it. This old scoundrel refuses to part with it.

MRS HOWELL

Oh, but he must. Our entire collection of Dubovs would be worthless without it.

Gilligan enters.

GILLIGAN

Hi, Mister Howell.

MRS. HOWELL, GILLIGAN, AND MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

Quiet, Gilligan. Can't you see I'm busy dickering with a genius?

GILLIGAN

Then I guess you're done looking at my picture.

Gilligan takes the painting from Mr. Howell.

MR HOWELL

Yes, I guess it... Wait a minute.

Gilligan exits with the painting.

DUBOV

eats grapes.

BACK TO SCENE

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

Did you hear that, Lovey?

MRS HOWELL

You mean our Gilligan painted that masterpiece? Why, it's unbelievable.

MR HOWELL

He must have...

(shouting after Gilligan)

Gilligan, hold it!

MRS HOWELL

I bid one hundred thousand dollars!

Mrs. Howell exits.

MR HOWELL

I bid two hundred thousand dollars!

Mr. Howell exits. Skipper enters.

DUBOV

Hey, fatso, Dubov want to talk on you.

SKIPPER

Oh, I didn't see you sitting there, Dubov.

DUBOV

You saw a painting of skinny kiddo?

SKIPPER

See it? I posed for it.

DUBOV

You posed for that picture?

SKIPPER

Certainly. That was the real me. The man of the sea, sailing into the wind, with my bare hands, fighting the ocean.

DUBOV

Dubov, want to tell you something. I saw picture. You lost fight.

BACK TO SCENE

Annoyed, Skipper exits.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. CAMP - LATER

Dubov arranges six paintings and puts out a "Paintings for sale" sign.

DUBOV

Okay, it's ready. Everybody come out. Everybody come out.

MR HOWELL

Would you mind holding it down? I'm trying to get some shut-eye.

DUBOV

Is no time for a nap. Come.

MR HOWELL

Yes, well, all right, all right.

DUBOV

Take a look.

MR HOWELL

Dubov, you've done it again.

DUBOV

Naturally.

DUBOV AND MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

Painted exactly what I wanted.

REVERSE ANGLE

DUBOV

All right. How are you going to pay, by cash or by check?

BACK TO SCENE

MR HOWELL

How much do you want for this one?

Mr. Howell grabs the "Paintings for sale" sign.

DUBOV AND MR. HOWELL

DUBOV

For sign?

REVERSE ANGLE

MR HOWELL

Well, you see, I've got to unload my Dubovs.

BACK TO SCENE

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

With Gilligan on the island, they're absolutely worthless.

DUBOV

Take paintings, take sign. Dubov takes...

Dubov sees Gilligan wearing a beret. Gilligan enters with another painting, followed by Mary Ann.

DUBOV (cont'd)

Gilligan. I don't look on you.

GILLIGAN

Hi, Mr. Howell. Hi, Mr. Dubov.

MR. HOWELL, GILLIGAN AND MARY ANN

MR HOWELL

Hello, maestro.

MARY ANN

Mr. Dubov, Gilligan's going to paint my picture.

DUBOV

Dubov don't look on you, too, little girlie.

BACK TO SCENE

as Mrs. Howell enters.

MRS HOWELL

Remember, Gilligan, I'm posing for you tomorrow.

GILLIGAN

I'll remember.

MRS. HOWELL AND DUBOV

DUBOV

Phooey on you, too, rich lady.

MR. HOWELL, GILLIGAN, AND MARY ANN

GILLIGAN

You know, Mister Dubov, some of these paintings are pretty good.

MRS. HOWELL AND DUBOV

DUBOV

Pretty good? It's a good thing I don't talk on you ...

BACK TO SCENE

DUBOV (cont'd)

... because I talk to you. If I don't talk to you, I'm going to bang you on the head.

Dubov exits.

GILLIGAN

Mr. Howell, we shouldn't let him go away mad.

MR HOWELL

Well, don't worry. He'll return, and with the transmitter.

MARY ANN

I'll go tell Professor and Ginger it worked.

Mary Ann exits.

MRS HOWELL

I'll go with you.

Mrs. Howell exits.

GILLIGAN

Mister Howell, how much do you give me for this one here?

MR HOWELL

Oh, that one. Well, what is it?

GILLIGAN

Self-portrait.

MR HOWELL

You want to know something?

GILLIGAN

What?

MR HOWELL

Looks more like Dubov. Phooey.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. CAMP - NIGHT

Dubov creeps through the clearing outside the boys hut. Outside is Gilligan's "masterpiece" sitting on an easel. Dubov looks it over and shrugs. He walks to the boys hut door.

INT. BOYS HUT - NIGHT

Dubov opens the door and walks inside. Gilligan sleeps in the top hammock. Dubov puts his hand over Gilligan's mouth. Gilligan wakes and Dubov shushes him. Dubov removes his hand from Gilligan's mouth.

DUBOV

Outside.

Gilligan rolls out of his hammock and follows Dubov outside.

EXT. CAMP - NIGHT

Dubov and Gilligan exit the boys hut.

GILLIGAN

What's the matter?

DUBOV

If you give Dubov painting lessons, Dubov give you transmitter.

GILLIGAN

Say that again.

DUBOV

Kid, your ears got accent?

GILLIGAN

When will you bring the transmitter?

DUBOV

In morning.

GILLIGAN

Okay, you bring the transmitter in the morning, I'll give you a painting lesson.

DUBOV

Master, you are too kind.

Dubov grasps Gilligan's hand tightly

GILLIGAN

That's me, Gilligan, boy, good guy.

Dubov releases Gilligan's hand.

DUBOV

Dubov, Dubov is your slave.

GILLIGAN

Yeah?

DUBOV

Dubov is your slave.

Dubov exits.

GILLIGAN

Yeah.

Gilligan looks after Dubov.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. CAMP - MORNING

A weathered transmitter sits on a table in the clearing. Professor adjusts some settings on the transmitter.

MR HOWELL

That transmitter is the most beautiful sight in the world.

PROFESSOR

All right, Skipper, send the message.

Skipper bends down and grabs the microphone and speaks into it.

SKIPPER

Mayday, mayday, this is the Skipper of the S.S. Minnow. This is the Skipper of the S.S. Minnow. I repeat, can you hear me?

(stands; microphone leads obviously not connected)

This is the Skipper of the S.S. Minnow.

PROFESSOR

Skipper.

SKIPPER

Quiet, Professor, I'm trying to transmit.

Mr. Howell grabs the loose end of the microphone wires.

MR HOWELL

Skipper, we're the only ones that are tuned in, you see.

SKIPPER AND GILLIGAN

SKIPPER

I must have pulled that out when I started to transmit. I'll fix that in a jiffy.

TRANSMITTER ON TABLE

Skipper uses a screwdriver on the back panel of the transmitter. The transmitter collapses and is obviously non-functional.

PROFESSOR

Oh, no, it's rusted. It's corroded clear through. Dubov must have had this on the island for years.

Gilligan sees a piece of paper in the guts of the transmitter and pulls it out.

SKIPPER AND GILLIGAN

GILLIGAN

There's a note in here. It's from Dubov.

PROFESSOR AND MR. HOWELL

SKIPPER AND GILLIGAN

Gilligan reads the note from Dubov.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

(in Dubov's voice)

"Dear people on who I make phooey, island don't be big enough for two geniuses, so I builded raft from paintings and float to other island. When Dubov ready, Dubov come back."

(in normal voice)

Well, at least it left us the transmitter.

SKIPPER

Yeah, but look at it.

BACK TO SCENE

Mr. Howell grabs the microphone with the disconnected wires.

MR HOWELL

Oh, no, no, it's got to work. It's got to work. Mayday, mayday, June day, July day.

FADE OUT

END OF ACT TWO

TAG

FADE IN:

EXT. ISLAND - DAY

ESTABLISHING SHOT

EXT. CAMP - DAY

SKIPPER AND MR. HOWELL

look toward Gilligan.

SKIPPER

Look at that, Howell. I want to tell you, it does prove that talent shows up in the most unlikely places.

MR HOWELL

You know something, talent is an inner fire, a flame that can burst in any direction.

SKIPPER

Exactly. Look at the way he's holding that brush.

MR HOWELL

Bold attack, daring strokes.

SKIPPER

And to think it's my little buddy doing it.

MR HOWELL

That talk doesn't bother you, does it, Gilligan?

GILLIGAN (O.S.)

No, Mr. Howell.

SKIPPER

Well, don't stop. Just keep going.

MR HOWELL

Keep at it, my boy.

GILLIGAN (O.S.)

Okay, but I have one question.

SKIPPER

What is it?

GILLIGAN

wears a beret and holds a paintbrush. He dips in the paint bucket and applies the paint to the hut thatched walls.

GILLIGAN

How many times do I have to paint the hut?

SKIPPER AND MR. HOWELL

SKIPPER

Just keep going, Gilligan, until we tell you to stop.

GILLIGAN

looks at Skipper and Mr. Howell. Gilligan puts his thumb out like an artist, but continues to paint. Gilligan notices his thumbnail and bites it. He continues to paint the hut.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. ISLAND - DAY

PARTING SHOT OF ISLAND

FADE OUT.

THE END