Gilligan's Island - s1e33 - It's Magic-updated

TEASER

FADE IN:

EXT. LAGOON - DAY

Skipper walks along the edge of the lagoon. He steps over the stream that feeds the small the waterfall into the lagoon. He notices Gilligan struggling with the fishing line.

SKIPPER

Gilligan, you've got something big on the end of the line! Hang on to it! Play it! I'll be down there and help you.

ZOOM TO GILLIGAN

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Hang on, Gilligan! Keep playing him. I'm coming, Gilligan! Hang on.

GILLIGAN

Skipper hurries up to Gilligan.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Let me take over.

Skipper takes the fishing pole from Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

Sure, Skipper, sure.

Skipper struggles with reeling in the line.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

It's a huge fish. There'll be enough food for a week.

LAGOON WATER

disturbance ripples on the surface. Is that fish? Or are those weeds? The fishing line traces out waves on the water.

SKIPPER AND GILLIGAN

Skipper reels in the object. His rod bends at the strain.

LAGOON WATER

The line is taught. The object appears to be covered with weeds. It's big and looks like a beaver damn.

SKIPPER AND GILLIGAN

Skipper's expression falls from excited to dejected.

SKIPPER

"Food for a week"? It's not a fish, it‘s a box.

GILLIGAN

Well, we can have a box lunch.

SKIPPER

Very funny, Gilligan. Very funny. Well, come on, help me pull it in so we can see what's in it.

Skipper and Gilligan struggle with the rod and reel.

NEW ANGLE

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Watch your fingers.

The object, now visible as a crate, is slowly pulled onto the edge of the water.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Let's get it.

Skipper and Gilligan drop the rod and reel on the sand. They move over to the crate to pull it ashore. They each stand on one side of the crate and pull it ashore.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Pull! Heave!

The men pull it up onto the sand.

GILLIGAN

I wonder what's in it.

SKIPPER

I don't know. It's such a big crate, it could be anything.

GILLIGAN

No, it couldn't be anything. It couldn't be Denver, Colorado.

SKIPPER

gives an aside glance.

SKIPPER

No, Gilligan, it couldn't be Denver, Colorado.

GILLIGAN'S HANDS

wipe off the debris and weeds from the top of the crate. Letters become visible which spell out "R-A-F-T" in fancy letterforms, perhaps those used by a traveling circus or similar show.

GILLIGAN

Skipper, it says raft.

SKIPPER

becomes gleeful.

SKIPPER

Raft! We're saved, Gilligan!

BACK TO SCENE

Skipper excitedly exclaims. Gilligan claps his hands. The men jump up and down and hug.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

We're saved! It might be one of those big, inflatable rafts. We can get off the island with it! We're saved!

FADE OUT.

END OF TEASER

ACT ONE

EXT. LAGOON - DAY

Professor runs along the edge of the lagoon toward Skipper and Gilligan.

SKIPPER

Maybe it's got a sail in it. We can --

PROFESSOR

What's with all the excitement?

SKIPPER

Wait till you hear what's in this box.

GILLIGAN

Yeah, Professor, a great big raft. A great big raft. We're gonna sail away from the island.

Professor pushes more of the weeds and debris aside, revealing more letters on the top of the crate.

PROFESSOR

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

PAN CRATE LEFT TO RIGHT

The crate reads "THE GREAT RAFTINI"

PROFESSOR (O.S.)

It doesn't say raft. It says: The Great Raftini.

SKIPPER AND GILLIGAN

SKIPPER

What's a great Raftini?

GILLIGAN

I don't know, but it must be better than a small Raftini.

PROFESSOR

Sounds like someone's name. This must've fallen off a ship.

SKIPPER AND GILLIGAN

GILLIGAN

Yeah, a ship on the way to Australia, Japan, India, ...

SKIPPER

Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

... France, England, Italy--

SKIPPER

Gilligan, would you like to try for the rest of the world?

PROFESSOR (O.S.)

Gentlemen, may I make a suggestion?

PROFESSOR

Why don't we take this crate back to the hut area, open it up, and find out what's inside of it?

GILLIGAN

Yeah. And maybe we'll be saved anyway. Maybe "Raftini" is Italian for raft.

SKIPPER

Yeah! Let's get it out of here.

BACK TO SCENE

The three men struggle with the crate.

FLIP TO:

EXT. CAMP - DAY

Skipper kneels and uses a crowbar to pry the nails on the top boards of the crate.

SKIPPER

Gilligan, will you get the loose boards off?

Gilligan and Professor remove boards from the top of the crate.

GILLIGAN

Yes, Skipper.

Gilligan removes a board. He swings it toward Skipper's head. Skipper ducks under the board. Professor places a board on the ground.

SKIPPER

Fooled you that time.

Gilligan swings the board out of the way. Skipper stands.

GINGER (O.S.)

Hello, Skipper!

SKIPPER

Hello, Gi--.

Skipper turns toward Ginger. As does Gilligan. His body pivots and hits Skipper with the board. Squarely on his posterior. Skipper takes the board from Gilligan and tosses it down on the ground behind them. Ginger enters.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

For goodness sake's.

GINGER

What's going on?

GILLIGAN

We found this box by the lagoon. We hope there's something to get us out off the island.

GINGER

Oh, it'd be great to be in a real beauty shop again.

SKIPPER

Well, that does it.

Professor, Gilligan, and Skipper remove a blanket that conceals the contents of the crate.

CRATE'S CONTENTS

Professor pulls out the first item. It appears to be a black tuxedo jacket.

PULL BACK

Professor holds up the jacket.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Just what we needed. A full dress suit.

Gilligan removes another item from the crate. It appears to be a wand. The wand is black with a white section about 1-1/2 inches long at the tip.

GILLIGAN

Look at the bright side -- when we get off the island, one of us can go formal.

Skipper removes another item from the crate. It is a top hat. He places on Gilligan over Gilligan's regular white bucket hat. Skipper presses the hat down on Gilligan's head.

SKIPPER

It may just as well be you.

Gilligan notices something moving inside the top hat on top of his head.

GILLIGAN AND SKIPPER

GILLIGAN

Skipper, there's something alive.

Gilligan removes the top hat and a rabbit remains perched on his head. Skipper looks at the rabbit in a disbelieving way.

PROFESSOR (O.S.)

Gilligan, it's a rabbit.

GILLIGAN

Where? Where?

GINGER (O.S.)

On top of your head.

PROFESSOR (O.S.)

Well, it must have come out of the hat.

Gilligan feels the furry beast on top of his head.

GINGER

And why shouldn't it? Watch this.

Ginger walks around to the crate and removes a black cape. On it is written "The Great Raftini." She shows both sides of the cape to the others.

GINGER (cont'd)

Here, as you will see, is an ordinary cape. Nothing here. Nothing here. But the hand is quicker than the eye.

Ginger removes a birdcage with a bird from the cape.

GINGER (cont'd)

Voila!

PROFESSOR, GILLIGAN, AND SKIPPER

watch Ginger perform the trick.

GILLIGAN

Hey, wow.

PROFESSOR

How about that? Well, obviously, The Great Raftini's a magician.

GINGER

holds the birdcage and cape.

GINGER

Exactly.

PROFESSOR, GILLIGAN, AND SKIPPER

SKIPPER

But, Ginger, how'd you do that trick?

PAN WITH GINGER

as she walks over to the men.

GINGER

When I broke into show business, I worked with a magician. He taught me everything.

GILLIGAN

Did he teach you how to get a rabbit off somebody's head?

GINGER

Uh-huh. Count to 100 by threes.

Ginger puts the top hat on Gilligan's head.

GILLIGAN

Three, six, nine--

PAN ON GILLIGAN

who gets stuck on nine.

SKIPPER

What a disappointment. Here we find something we think is going to help us, and it turns out to be a bunch of tricks.

GILLIGAN

Yeah. Here we find something that we think is going to help us, and it turns out to be a bunch of tricks.

SKIPPER

I just said that, Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

I thought I heard it before.

PROFESSOR AND GINGER

PROFESSOR

Wait a minute. You know, these tricks might save our lives--in case we're ever attacked by savages again. You remember when the headhunters landed on the island?

GINGER

You don't think they'll come back?

PROFESSOR

Well, it's--

SKIPPER

But even if they do, Professor, what're we gonna do? Put on a show for headhunters?

GILLIGAN

The Skipper's right. What do we do, charge two bucks a head?

Gilligan winces at his own joke.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Ninety-seven, one hundred.

Gilligan removes the top hat and feels the top of his white bucket hat. The rabbit has disappeared!

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

It's gone, Skipper! It's gone!

SKIPPER

It is gone!

PROFESSOR AND GINGER

PROFESSOR

Oh, never mind about that. Let me make myself clear. If each of us can learn to do a few of these tricks--

GILLIGAN AND SKIPPER

SKIPPER

I get it, Professor, of course. We each learn a trick, and they'll think we're some sort of gods!

GILLIGAN

Yeah. We each learn a trick, and they'll think we're some sort of gods.

Gilligan puts the top hat back on.

SKIPPER

Gilligan, why must you repeat everything that I say?

GILLIGAN

It's easier than thinking up things by myself.

Gilligan nods.

PROFESSOR AND GINGER

PROFESSOR

Ginger can teach us all some of these magic tricks. That is, if she still remembers them.

GINGER

Of course I do. Watch this.

Ginger grabs a bouquet of flowers from the crate and holds them in front of her.

GINGER (cont'd)

Gilligan, say "abracadabra" and pass your hand over this.

Gilligan passes his hand over the flowers while saying the "magic" word.

GILLIGAN

Abracadabra.

The flowers suddenly grow bigger blooms.

SKIPPER

reacts surprised.

GINGER AND GILLIGAN

Gilligan's mouth hangs open.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Oh, wow.

Gilligan sneezes. The flower blooms retract into the bouquet.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Boy, Ginger, I gotta take my hat off to you.

Gilligan removes the top hat. A rabbit sits atop his head.

SKIPPER

looks surprised that the rabbit atop Gilligan's head is back.

GINGER AND GILLIGAN

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

I know, to a hundred by threes. Three, six, nine

(pause, then sotto)

Stuck.

(pause)

Twelve.

FLIP TO:

INT. HOWELLS HUT - NIGHT

Mrs. Howell sits in a chair facing one of their doorways covered by beads. Mr. Howell enters through the beads. He wears a top hat, tuxedo, and holds a white-tipped magic wand.

MR HOWELL

Give me the road. The long and winding highway. Is everybody happy? So much for my opening. Now, my dear, what have we here?

MRS HOWELL

A walking stick.

MR HOWELL

So it appears to the naked eye, if you pardon the expression. But, as we say in show biz:

Mr. Howell holds up the magic wand and it turns into scarves.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

Voila!

MRS HOWELL

How marvelous. Flags of every nation.

MR HOWELL

Those on the gold standard, of course. Now, my dear, I think that you have a trick for me?

Mr. Howell sets the scarves aside. Mrs. Howell rises and stands next to Mr. Howell.

MRS HOWELL

Yes, yes.

MR HOWELL

Prestidigitation?

MRS HOWELL

Now, give me a small bill. Nothing very large. I'm afraid I might make a mistake.

MR HOWELL

Yes, I just happen to have a fifty do-- No, a five dollar bill in my small-change pocket. There you are, my precious.

MRS HOWELL

Now, you go sit down, dear.

MR HOWELL

In the loges, of course.

Mr. Howell sits down.

MRS HOWELL

Now, what was it Ginger told me to do? Oh, yes, I know.

Mrs. Howell appears to tear the $5 bill into strips, and then folds the torn pieces into a thick wad.

MRS HOWELL (cont'd)

Tear this like that -- and again like that -- again like that --- and fold this like this, like this. It's a tough bill. Like that, like that.

(to the bill in her hands)

Now, you be good in there and stay together.

(amazed)

Why, it's working. It's working. I'm marvelous. I did it! Thurston, I did it!

Mr. Howell stands and moves next to Mrs. Howell.

MR HOWELL

Darling, of course, so you did. Yes, you've rearranged Lincoln. His beard is now on top of his head.

MRS HOWELL

Oh, how charming. I made a Beatle out of him!

MR HOWELL

Good show, Lovey! Good show.

There is a knock at the hut door.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

Come in. Come in.

Gilligan enters through the beads. He carries a set of handcuffs.

GILLIGAN

Hi, Mister and Missus Howell.

MR HOWELL

Can't you see we're in the middle of dress rehearsal?

GILLIGAN

That's why I here: I want to show you my trick.

MR HOWELL

Well, of course you can. But you must understand, Lovey and I go on next to closing.

GILLIGAN

That's okay with me. Can I show my trick now?

MRS HOWELL

Well, do it quickly, because Mister Howell and I are about to retire.

Mrs. Howell sits down.

MR HOWELL

Sleep, that is. We retired financially years ago. Careful investments and all that.

Mr. Howell moves to join Mrs. Howell, but Gilligan grasps his arm.

GILLIGAN

I need a volunteer.

MR HOWELL

A volunteer.

GILLIGAN

Here we have an ordinary pair of handcuffs. I take one, hook it on to Mister Howell ...

MR HOWELL

Ah, yes.

GILLIGAN

... and one, and hook it on to me.

MR HOWELL

Jolly good.

GILLIGAN

Yeah. Now, without any mechanical device, I shall release ourselves. Abracadabra!

Mrs. Howell applauds. Gilligan bows.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Thank you very much.

Gilligan turns to leave, his wrist still handcuffed to Mr. Howell's wrist. Gilligan pulls Mr. Howell toward the door.

MR HOWELL

That's marv--

Mr. Howell pulls Gilligan back. Gilligan tries again.

GILLIGAN

Oh. Oh, um.

(to the handcuffs)

Mumbo jumbo. Voodoo-hoodoo. Open sesame?

FLIP TO:

INT. HOWELLS HUT - MORNING

Mrs. Howell sleeps in her bed.

PAN TO MR. HOWELL

sleeping in his bed.

PULL BACK TO REVEAL

Gilligan sleeping on the floor between their beds. Gilligan turns onto this side, pulling Mr. Howell off of his bed. Mr. Howell tumbles onto Gilligan. Mr. Howell awakes and moves to sit on the edge of his bed. Gilligan moves to sit on the edge of the bed too.

MR HOWELL

Have you thought of the magic word yet?

GILLIGAN

Not yet.

MR HOWELL

While you're thinking, I have to do my morning calisthenics. Join me?

Mr. Howell stands and moves toward the middle of the room.

GILLIGAN

Do I have a choice?

MR HOWELL

Well, alright. Assume--

Mr. Howell begins his calisthenic routine by touching his toes. He grunts and makes other noises. Gilligan goes along for the ride.

MRS. HOWELL

wakes, stretches, and sits up.

GILLIGAN AND MR. HOWELL

continue to perform calisthenics and then stops.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

There we are. Have you thought yet?

GILLIGAN

All I can think of is my poor, aching wrist.

MR HOWELL

Well, you'd better concentrate, or we'll spend our lives together like Tweedledee and Tweedledum. I don't have to tell you who is Dee and who is Dum!

Mr. Howell closes his eyes.

GILLIGAN

(to the handcuffs)

Open up, please. Pretty please, with sugar on it?

GILLIGAN AND THE HANDCUFF

Gilligan leans in to speak to the handcuffs.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

It'll never work.

Gilligan's handcuff pops open!

GILLIGAN AND MR. HOWELL

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

It worked. See you later, Mister Howell.

Gilligan turns and leaves through the beaded door. Mr. Howell still has his eyes closed and his wrist handcuffed. He yawns.

MR HOWELL

All right, Gilligan, let's try the calisthenics one more time.

Mr. Howell performs the calisthenics solo, but thinks Gilligan is still handcuffed to him because he hasn't opened his eyes.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

You're doing it marvelously. It's coming easier.

FLIP TO:

EXT. CAMP - DAY

Ginger removes an egg from her mouth and hands it to Gilligan.

GINGER

Now you try it, Gilligan.

Gilligan takes the egg. He turns from her and places the egg at his left ear. He pushes the egg into his head (but quickly palms it) and then produces the egg from his mouth. Gilligan smiles.

GINGER (cont'd)

Perfect! You're a great prestidigitator.

GILLIGAN

I'd rather be a great magician. I can't wait to try it on the Skipper.

Gilligan holds the egg out in front of him and exits. Ginger has a puzzled look.

FLIP TO:

EXT. MAGIC BOOTH - DAY

Skipper and Professor work on the magic crate, which they've transformed into a cabinet to perform a disappearing person trick. Professor works on the inside of the booth to apply the finishing touches.

SKIPPER

I don't know, Professor. It still looks like a crate to me.

Professor turns and exits the the booth.

PROFESSOR

Oh, no. Once we drape the front, it'll look just like a disappearing cabinet. Even if the other tricks fail, this one alone will frighten off any of the savages.

SKIPPER

I suppose so. I sure hope Ginger still knows how to do that trick.

PROFESSOR

We'll know soon enough. Give me a hand, Skipper. We'll spread this drape.

GILLIGAN (O.S.)

Skipper, Skipper!

Gilligan enters.

GILLIGAN

Let me show you my new trick.

SKIPPER

Oh, not now, Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

It'll only take a second, Skipper. Watch this. Watch. See the egg?

Gilligan holds the egg out for both of the men to see.

GILLIGAN AND SKIPPER

Gilligan places the egg at his left ear and pushes it into his head (but palms the egg), as before. Gilligan produces the egg from his mouth and removes it. Gilligan happily looks at Skipper. Skipper is impressed and smiles.

PROFESSOR

smiles too.

SKIPPER (O.S.)

That's pretty good, Gilligan.

GILLIGAN AND SKIPPER

GILLIGAN

Yeah, Skipper. Let's try it on you. You take the egg, place it beside your ear,

Gilligan places the egg to Skipper's right ear.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Shove.

Gilligan crushes the egg against Skipper's ear. Skipper opens his mouth (his mouth is empty). The egg white drips through Gilligan's fingers and down the side of Skipper's face.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Come on, Skipper, let me have the egg. C'mon, open your mouth. Let it out. C'mon.

Gilligan holds his other hand in front of Skipper's mouth. Egg white drips onto Skipper's shirt.

SKIPPER

Gilligan, it's coming out here.

Skipper uses his thumb to point to his right ear.

GILLIGAN

I'm sorry. It worked for me. I shoved it in my ear, and it came out of my mouth.

SKIPPER

Oh, it's easy for you, Gilligan. There's nothing in between!

MARY ANN (O.S.)

Come and get it!

GILLIGAN

Breakfast time. See you later, c'mon.

Gilligan turns and exits.

SKIPPER

You go ahead, Gilligan, I've already had my egg.

FLIP TO:

EXT. CAMP - DAY

Mary Ann exits the supply hut with a large bowl of food. She walks to the dining table. A tablecloth covers the table. Seven sets of dishes are arranged on the table. Mrs. Howell and Mr. Howell sit on one side of the table. Their hands are beneath the table. Ginger sits on the other side. Mary Ann places the bowl of food down on the table in front of the others.

MARY ANN

Good morning.

GINGER

Morning.

Ginger spoons food onto her plate.

MR HOWELL

Oh, ho! I'm simply famished!

MRS. HOWELL AND MR. HOWELL

MRS HOWELL

I'm so hungry I could eat domestic caviar.

Mr. Howell reveals his right wrist is handcuffed to Mrs. Howell's left wrist.

MR HOWELL

Oh, dear, forgive me, please.

MRS HOWELL

I knew Thurston couldn't do this trick. Ginger, how do you get these cheap bracelets off?

GINGER AND MARY ANN

GINGER

Oh, it works electronically, Missus Howell. You see, you say anything you want into the handcuffs ...

MRS. HOWELL AND MR. HOWELL

GINGER (O.S.)

... and it breaks a beam and snaps them open.

MR HOWELL

Oh, it snaps a beam, yes. Let me try.

(to the handcuffs)

National Consolidated Acme. I have it, dear.

MRS. HOWELL'S AND MR. HOWELL'S HANDCUFFED WRISTS

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

AT&T.

The cuffs snap open and their wrists are released.

MRS. HOWELL AND MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

Blue chips every time!

BACK TO SCENE

Gilligan enters.

GILLIGAN

Morning.

MARY ANN

Good morning, Gilligan.

Skipper and Professor enter.

GILLIGAN

Hold it. Don't anybody move.

MR HOWELL

The last time I heard that expression, somebody stole my money belt.

Professor sits down at the table next to Mrs. Howell.

SKIPPER

What now, Gilligan?

GILLIGAN

I'm gonna do a trick that even Ginger doesn't know.

Gilligan removes a chair from the end of table.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

I'm going to pull the tablecloth without moving anything.

Gilligan grabs the edges of the tablecloth.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Ready?

Gilligan pulls the tablecloth and it, and all of the dishes on top of it, are pulled off the table. Gilligan falls back and the dishes and tablecloth fall on top of him.

GILLIGAN

lies on the ground, covered by the tablecloth. Dishes, food, utensils, and the serving bowl are strewn around him. Skipper enters, pulls Gilligan to his feet and removes the tablecloth from his head.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Oh, I'm sorry.

SKIPPER

Never mind, Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

What's wrong with scrambled eggs, scrambled coconut, or--

SKIPPER

Gilligan, I want you to take all those tricks and put them the storage hut!

GILLIGAN

I haven't finished my breakfast yet.

SKIPPER

You just finished breakfast for everybody! Now, I want you to do as I say and git!

GILLIGAN

But, but, but--

BACK TO SCENE

The other castaways shout for Gilligan to leave.

MR HOWELL

Get out of here!

FLIP TO:

INT. SUPPLY HUT - DAY

Gilligan carries a stack of magic tricks into the supply hut and places them down on a table. One of the prominent items is a barrel labeled "FLASH POWDER."

GILLIGAN

First, it's "bravo, bravo, bravo" and then it's "boo, boo, boo." What can you expect from an audience that's fickle, fickle, fickle?

Gilligan arranges the items, then turns and exits.

FLIP TO:

EXT. CAMP - DAY

Gilligan enters from behind the edge of the hut. The other castaways remain seated at the now-empty dining table.

MARY ANN (O.S.)

It's too bad about breakfast.

SKIPPER

Ah, well. We can eat a bigger lunch, thanks to Gilligan.

PROFESSOR, MRS. HOWELL, AND MR. HOWELL

PROFESSOR

In the meantime, I suggest we all watch Ginger run through the disappearing cabinet trick and...

GINGER AND MARY ANN

PROFESSOR (O.S.)

... make sure it really works.

GINGER

That's a good idea.

BACK TO SCENE

SKIPPER

I've got a better suggestion, Professor. I suggest we put Gilligan in there and turn it on full blast.

MR HOWELL

That boy did ruin my best shirt.

GILLIGAN

looks on as the other castaways insult him.

MR HOWELL (O.S.)

It cost ninety-five dollars.

SKIPPER

That shirt cost ninety-five dollars?

PROFESSOR, MRS. HOWELL, AND MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

Just to clean it.

MRS HOWELL

That Gilligan's really impossible.

GINGER AND MARY ANN

GINGER

He certainly is annoying.

BACK TO SCENE

PROFESSOR

Or, to use a precise scientific term, "pest."

MARY ANN

I guess Gilligan does cause nothing but trouble.

GILLIGAN

Even Mary Ann.

Gilligan turns and walks away.

BACK TO SCENE

Gilligan exits. The others sit at the table looking dejected.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. MAGIC BOOTH - DAY

Ginger stands in front of the magic booth. The other castaways, as Ginger's audience, sit on chairs in front of her.

GINGER

And now, ladies and gentlemen, for the

(in French)

pièce de la résistance.

(in English)

Before your very eyes, you will see a human being disappear. However, I'll need a volunteer from the audience.

SEATED CASTAWAYS

GILLIGAN

I volunteer. I'm a human being.

Gilligan stands and walks over to Ginger.

GINGER

Good, Gilligan. Get in.

Gilligan walks past her and enters the magic booth.

INT. MAGIC BOOTH - DAY

Ginger sticks her head into the magic booth and gives Gilligan instructions.

GINGER

(whispers)

Okay. Gilligan, when I say "vanish," you go through that little trapdoor.

GILLIGAN

listens to Ginger's instructions.

GINGER (O.S.)

When I say "reappear," you come back again, okay? Got it?

GILLIGAN

(solemnly)

Goodbye, Ginger.

GINGER

Okay.

Ginger pulls the curtain shut.

EXT. MAGIC BOOTH - DAY

GINGER

turns to face the remaining five castaways.

GINGER

And now, ladies and gentlemen, I'm ready. I will take the magic wand and circle it once, twice, thrice. And now, I order you to vanish.

Ginger pulls back the curtain and reveals that the magic booth is empty.

CASTAWAYS

applaud.

MR HOWELL

The fellow's disappeared!

MRS HOWELL

Wonderful!

GINGER

twirls from one side of the magic booth to the other.

GINGER

And now, I will make Gilligan reappear.

CASTAWAYS

SKIPPER

Oh, Ginger, couldn't you wait until after lunch?

Skipper laughs.

GINGER

Please, Skipper, you're disturbing my powers of concentration. And now, I order you to reappear!

BACK TO SCENE

Ginger pulls the magic booth curtain back, revealing that the booth is still empty. Gilligan does not reappear.

CASTAWAYS

SKIPPER

He's not there!

GINGER

looks into the magic booth.

GINGER

Gilligan, the trick's over. You can come out now. Gilligan?

BACK TO SCENE

Ginger walks around the magic booth and taps on it with a magic wand.

GINGER (cont'd)

Gilligan? Gilligan?

CASTAWAYS

stand and walk toward the magic booth.

MR HOWELL

It's amazing!

MRS HOWELL

He really isn't there.

BACK TO SCENE

SKIPPER

Gilligan?

MARY ANN

He's really gone!

Skipper steps in to the magic booth. The other castaways look around and inspect the magic booth for clues to where Gilligan went.

SKIPPER

Where are you, little buddy?

MR HOWELL

Ginger, it's a trick. How did you do it?

GINGER

No, he's gone!

MR HOWELL

No, I'll buy the trick.

SKIPPER

He's not in here.

FADE OUT.

END OF ACT ONE

ACT TWO

FADE IN:

EXT. CAMP - DAY

Professor, Skipper, and Ginger sit. Ginger cries and dabs her eyes with a scarf.

GINGER

It's all my fault.

PROFESSOR

Oh, nonsense, Ginger. There must be a logical explanation for Gilligan's disappearance.

SKIPPER

You don't suppose that the savages got my little buddy?

PROFESSOR

Oh, I doubt it. We would've heard their drums.

GINGER

At least he said goodbye to me.

PROFESSOR AND SKIPPER

SKIPPER

Why would he want to say goodbye?

GINGER

continues to cry.

GINGER

I don't know.

PROFESSOR AND SKIPPER

PROFESSOR

Wait a minute. That's it. Don't you see? Gilligan's missing because he wants to be missing.

SKIPPER

But, why would he want to leave his friends, his pals, his buddy?

GINGER

Yeah, why should he?

PROFESSOR AND SKIPPER

SKIPPER

Course, come to think of it, I guess I have been kind of on his back lately. Do you suppose--

PROFESSOR

I think we can all plead guilty to that.

GINGER

sobs.

GINGER

I said he was annoying.

BACK TO SCENE

PROFESSOR

And I called him a pest.

SKIPPER

I guess that's it. He overheard us. He overheard everything. No wonder he left us. Oh, I can't bear to think of my poor little buddy out there with no food, no water.

PROFESSOR AND SKIPPER

PROFESSOR

Take it easy, Skipper. We'll form a searching party. We'll find him.

SKIPPER

Yes. Of course we will. And when we find him, I'll pick him up in my arms and I'll break every bone in his body for worrying us like this!

Skipper gives an aside glance.

FLIP TO:

EXT. GILLIGAN'S CAVE - DAY

Skipper searches through the jungle for Gilligan.

SKIPPER

Gilligan, little buddy, where are you?

Skipper walks by and glances at a sign that reads "No Body iz Hom".

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Gilligan!

Skipper stops and turns to re-read the sign. He gives an aside glance. Skipper walks to the mouth of the cave and speaks into it.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

All right, Gilligan, I know you're in there. Come on out. Only you could spell like that. Come on, Gilligan, please, I want to talk to you. Gillian, you gotta listen to me. I'm sorry. I said a lot of things that I didn't mean. I got a little upset. That's all. But I didn't mean a word of it.

Skipper paces back and forth outside the cave.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Gilligan, can't you understand I'm trying to apologize to you?

Gilligan exits the cave while Skipper's back is turned. Skipper speaks into the cave. Gilligan stands behind him.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Gilligan, I'm not going back until you forgive me. Gilligan! All right, if you won't come out, I'm coming in after you.

Skipper kneels. Gilligan taps Skipper on the back.

GILLIGAN

I'll stay here.

Skipper turns to Gilligan.

SKIPPER

Yeah, please, and don't move, 'cause I'm going in after you.

Skipper gets down on all fours. He sticks his head in the cave and grunts as he realizes that Gilligan was outside the cave. Skipper gets back on his knees.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Gilligan!

Skipper stands.

GILLIGAN

Hi, Skipper. You like my new home? It's only one room and no carpet on the floor. With a few pictures, I--

GILLIGAN AND SKIPPER

SKIPPER

Gilligan, this is a lot of nonsense. You're coming back to the hut with me.

REVERSE ANGLE

GILLIGAN

Oh, no. Not me. I'm not going back to hearing all those mean things again. I'm a human person. I've got feelings, even if I am only Gilligan.

SKIPPER

Can't you understand, Gilligan?

GILLIGAN AND SKIPPER

SKIPPER (cont'd)

We're all sorry. We want to make it up to you.

REVERSE ANGLE

GILLIGAN

No, Skipper. This is my home away from home.

BACK TO SCENE

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

I'm going back.

Gilligan crawls back into the cave.

SKIPPER

Gilligan.

GILLIGAN (O.S.)

And from now on, I'm a lone wolf.

Gilligan howls. Skipper gets down on all fours and shouts into the cave.

SKIPPER

Gilligan!

Skipper gives an aside glance.

FLIP TO:

EXT. GILLIGAN'S CAVE - DAY

Mr. Howell and Mrs. Howell search through the jungle looking for Gilligan. Mr. Howell holds a wad of bills in his hand.

MR HOWELL

Gilligan, my boy, where are you? Drat it, this is cash! This is currency, this is coin!

MRS HOWELL

Darling, stop waving those bills around. He can't see them.

MR HOWELL

Well, you don't have to see money, Darling. The odor alone can carry two or three miles on a clear day when the wind is with you.

Mrs. Howell notices the "No Body Iz Hom" sign.

MRS HOWELL

Oh, dear. Somebody terribly illiterate must be in that cave.

MR HOWELL

My dear, we have found Gilligan!

Mr. Howell shouts into the cave.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

Gilligan, my boy, are you in there?

GILLIGAN (O.S.)

Go away!

MRS HOWELL

(into the cave)

But it's your friends, my dear boy, the Howells.

(to Mr. Howell)

Tell him what we've come to say.

MR HOWELL

(to Mrs. Howell)

Yes, yes, I will.

(into the cave)

Gilligan, we've come here to tell you--

(to Mrs. Howell)

Must I?

MRS HOWELL

Yes, you must.

MR HOWELL

All right, Lovey.

(into the cave)

Gilligan, we came here to apologize!

MRS. HOWELL AND MR. HOWELL

MRS HOWELL

Ah, now that didn't hurt too much, did it?

REVERSE ANGLE

MR HOWELL

No, when you say it real fast, it kills the pain.

MRS. HOWELL AND MR. HOWELL

GILLIGAN (O.S.)

I'm not going back. I'm staying right here.

MRS HOWELL

Oh, we must do something for that poor boy. It's such a silly little cave.

MR HOWELL

Well, Darling, what do you want me to do? Arrange cave-to-cave carpeting?

MRS HOWELL

That's an idea. That's just what he needs, carpeting.

BACK TO SCENE

MRS HOWELL (cont'd)

Give me those bills you were waving around.

MR HOWELL

Yeah, I know, but, dear--

Mrs. Howell tosses the cash into the cave mouth.

MRS HOWELL

Here you are, Gilligan. Spread those around in there and you'll have marvelous carpets.

Mr. Howell throws a tantrum.

MR HOWELL

But Darling, that money's undeclared! I don't pay income on that! Oh, Lovey!

FLIP TO:

EXT. GILLIGAN'S CAVE - DAY

Mary Ann looks at the "No Body Iz Hom" sign. Mary Ann walks to the other side of the cave and shouts for the others.

MARY ANN

Professor, Ginger, come quick. I found Gilligan. Why, he's in the cave. Look.

Ginger and Professor enter. Professor kneels and speaks into the cave.

PROFESSOR

Gilligan, we know you're in there.

GINGER

Oh, Gilligan, please come out.

GILLIGAN

crawls to the tiny cave entrance and stops.

GILLIGAN

Okay, okay, I know you came here to apologize for the mean things you said, but money won't help, even if I do need a new carpet. I'm not going back to the hut. This is my home away from home. From now on, I'm a lone wolf!

Gilligan howls.

BACK TO SCENE

Professor, Mary Ann, and Ginger exchange glances.

FLIP TO:

EXT. GILLIGAN'S CAVE - NIGHT

Skipper walks through the jungle. He carries a lit torch, a blanket under his arm, and a plate of food. Skipper places the blanket on the ground in front of the cave entrance and the plate on top of the blanket.

SKIPPER

Gilligan, come and get it!

Skipper exits. Gilligan reaches out and pulls the blanket with the plate of food into the cave.

FLIP TO:

EXT. GILLIGAN'S CAVE - NIGHT

Mr. Howell walks through the jungle. He carries a lit torch and a blanket. Mrs. Howell follows closely behind him. She carries a plate of food. Mr. Howell places the blanket on the ground in front of the cave entrance. Mrs. Howell places the plate on top of the blanket.

MR HOWELL

Here's some goodies to make you a bit more comfy.

Mr. Howell brings his finger to his lips to indicate to Mrs. Howell to remain quiet. Mr. Howell, followed by Mrs. Howell, turns and exits. Gilligan reaches out and pulls the blanket with the plate of food into the cave.

FLIP TO:

EXT. GILLIGAN'S CAVE - NIGHT

Professor walks through the jungle. He carries a lit torch. Mary Ann follows him. She carries a blanket. Ginger follows her. Ginger carries a plate of food. Mary Ann places the blanket on the ground in front of the cave entrance. Ginger hands Professor the plate of food. He places it on top of the blanket.

PROFESSOR

Gilligan, a little something from your friends.

Professor motions for them to leave. Gilligan reaches out and pulls the blanket into the cave.

INT. GILLIGAN'S CAVE - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS

Gilligan pulls the blanket with the plate of food provided by Professor, Mary Ann, and Ginger further into the cave. He re-positions himself onto another blanket. Next to him are two mostly empty plates provided by the other castaways. Gilligan takes pieces food from the newest plate and eats them. Gilligan appears to be full after just one bite. He wipes his fingers on his shirt. Gilligan lays down on one blanket and pulls another over himself and settles in for the night. He leans back and is startled by something in his makeshift bed. His eyes grow wide. Gilligan reaches under the blanket and pulls out Mr. Howell's teddy bear. Relieved, Gilligan curls up with the teddy bear as a pillow.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. CAMP - NIGHT

The other castaways sit near the dining table warming themselves by a small campfire.

SKIPPER

Aren't we a bunch of old meanies? Gave Gilligan our blankets and our food.

MR HOWELL

I made the supreme sacrifice. I gave him my most prized possession.

MRS HOWELL

Ah, Thurston, your teddy bear.

SKIPPER

Howell, I got to take my hat off to you.

SKIPPER

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Beneath that rough exterior, there lies a heart of gold.

MRS. HOWELL AND MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

No, if that were true, I'd have had it removed and minted years ago.

SKIPPER

scowls at Mr. Howell's comment.

PROFESSOR (O.S.)

We're all agreed on one thing.

MARY ANN, PROFESSOR, AND GINGER

PROFESSOR

We want Gilligan back.

GINGER

Yes.

MARY ANN

Oh, I agree, Professor, but how do we convince Gilligan we really want him back?

GINGER

In Hollywood, if we want to convince somebody, we throw a party.

SKIPPER

Ginger, that's right. We'll throw a party for my little buddy.

MRS. HOWELL AND MR. HOWELL

MRS HOWELL

I just adore parties. Whom should we invite?

MR HOWELL

But Darling, there's only seven of us on the island.

MRS HOWELL

Oh, yes, of course, that's right. We'll ask everybody. It'll still be exclusive.

MARY ANN, PROFESSOR, AND GINGER

MARY ANN

But how do we get the guest of honor to attend his own party?

GINGER

That's right. He won't leave the cave.

MRS. HOWELL AND MR. HOWELL

MRS HOWELL

Oh, what he sees in that dreary little cave is beyond me. It's absolutely frightening.

SKIPPER

That's it, Missus Howell. We'll make it even more frightening.

MARY ANN, PROFESSOR, AND GINGER

SKIPPER (O.S.)

We'll scare him out of the cave.

GINGER

Scare him? How?

SKIPPER

Well, we'll use those monster masks that I found in the bottom of the magician's crate. Gilligan'll come out of there so fast, his goose pimples will have to catch up to him.

MARY ANN, PROFESSOR, AND GINGER

laugh at the suggestion.

SKIPPER (O.S.)

Now, you girls can get that "Welcome back, Gilligan" cake ready.

BACK TO SCENE

SKIPPER

And, Gentlemen, as far as we're concerned, you two monsters, come with me.

Skipper rises to exit along with the other men.

FLIP TO:

EXT. GILLIGAN'S CAVE - NIGHT

Skipper, Mr. Howell, and Professor walk through the jungle. Skipper carries a lit torch. All of them wear monster masks and black robes. Skipper wears a traditional Quasimodo monster mask. Mr. Howell wears a mummified Thomas Jefferson mask, and Professor wears a Richard Nixon mask. They stop.

SKIPPER

Now, you all know what to do?

MR HOWELL

Yeah, when you give the signal, we all go. Got that?

SKIPPER

Good. All right, come on.

Skipper waves them to continue on to Gilligan's cave. The men stand outside the cave entrance.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Now.

The men growl ominously.

INT. GILLIGAN'S CAVE - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS

Gilligan sleeps with teddy. The men growl outside. Gilligan stirs.

EXT. GILLIGAN'S CAVE - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS

The men, dressed in monster masks and black robes, growl loudly.

SKIPPER

Once more.

INT. GILLIGAN'S CAVE - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS

Gilligan opens his eyes and listens to the men growling. He shakes his head, tosses Mr. Howell's teddy bear aside, pulls his blanket back, and crawls to the cave entrance.

EXT. GILLIGAN'S CAVE - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS

Gilligan crawls out from the cave and stands.

GILLIGAN

Look, look, look. I told you guys before. This is my home away from home, and I'm alone wolf.

Gilligan howls until he suddenly realizes that there are three monsters outside his cave.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Monsters, monsters! Run for your lives! They'll see you! They'll kill you!

Gilligan runs into the jungle, leaving the monster-men behind. Mr. Howell claps and then shakes Professor's hand.

EXT. CAMP - NIGHT

Mrs. Howell, Mary Ann, and Ginger stand in front of a table. On the table are a variety of bowls, utensils, and a carafe. Some of the bowls have food in them. Mary Ann stirs the content of the largest bowl.

GINGER

What kind of cake are you making, Mary Ann?

MARY ANN

On this island? Hand me the coconut powder.

Ginger picks up one of the bowls. Mary Ann reaches in and takes a pinch of its contents.

GILLIGAN (O.S.)

Monsters, monsters!

PAN ON GILLIGAN

as he enters. He's panicked.

GILLIGAN

Monster, monsters, monsters!

Gilligan stops in front of the women.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

I mean, don't worry, ladies, I'll save you.

Gilligan makes a monster face and growls to indicate what he's fleeing. Gilligan exits toward the supply hut.

MRS. HOWELL, MARY ANN, AND GINGER

GINGER

I think it's working.

MRS HOWELL

Good.

INT. SUPPLY HUT - NIGHT

Gilligan rushes in. He sees the barrel of flash powder.

GILLIGAN

Flash powder. I'll get the monsters. Flash powder. Here.

Gilligan removes the top from the barrel and peers in. He feels a sneeze coming on, so he quickly replaces the top to the barrel. Gilligan sneezes. Realizing that he hasn't blown up, he removes the top from the barrel again. He looks for a container and finds a hollowed gourd on a nearby stack of vegetable crates. He scoops up flash powder. Gilligan carries the gourd of flash powder and exits.

EXT. CAMP - NIGHT

Gilligan enters carrying the gourd with flash powder. He stops by the women.

GILLIGAN

Now listen. Don't worry, I'll take care of those monsters.

MARY ANN

Gilligan, I have to tell you--

GILLIGAN

I can't now. They're only seconds behind.

Gilligan turns to exit.

MARY ANN

But Gilligan!

Gilligan stops before reaching the jungle and returns to the table where Mary Ann prepares the cake.

GILLIGAN

They'll be here now.

TABLETOP

Gilligan places the flash powder gourd next to another very similar gourd.

GILLIGAN (O.S.)

Forgot something.

BACK TO SCENE

Gilligan walks over to the campfire and removes a burning branch to use as a torch.

GILLIGAN

Now listen.

TABLETOP

Gilligan picks up the similar gourd, not the one containing flash powder.

GILLIGAN (O.S.)

Don't panic and don't worry.

BACK TO SCENE

Gilligan takes the similar gourd and his makeshift torch and exits into the jungle.

MARY ANN

Come on, girls, let's finish the cake.

Mary Ann picks up the flash powder gourd.

MIXING BOWL

Mary Ann spoons the gourd's contents into the mixing bowl.

EXT. JUNGLE - NIGHT

Skipper, Mr. Howell, and Professor walk through the jungle toward camp.

GILLIGAN

appears from the jungle. He carries the lit branch and the gourd without flash powder. He stops when he sees the monster-men.

SKIPPER, MR. HOWELL, AND PROFESSOR

Skipper carries a lit torch. They are dressed in black robes and monster masks. They stop walking when they see Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

challenges them.

GILLIGAN

All right, you monsters, now git! You take one more step and I'll kill myself.

He moves the lit torch close to the gourd without flash powder.

SKIPPER, MR. HOWELL, AND PROFESSOR

SKIPPER

Gilligan, it's us!

They remove the masks, revealing their true identities.

GILLIGAN

screams and tosses the gourd and lit torch aside in his panic. He turns and runs.

SKIPPER, MR. HOWELL, AND PROFESSOR

are startled at Gilligan's extreme reaction to their non-monster appearances.

GILLIGAN

stops running, turns, and walks back to them. Now he's calm.

GILLIGAN

Oh, I get it. You're trying to trick me, huh? Putting those horrible masks on and driving me out of the cave and trying to get me back to the hut.

PROFESSOR, MR. HOWELL, AND SKIPPER

sheepishly look back at Gilligan.

GILLIGAN (O.S.)

Well, you're not going to fool me.

SKIPPER

Gilligan, can't you understand? We're trying to give you a party.

GILLIGAN

appears confused.

SKIPPER (O.S.)

The girls have baked you a cake and everything.

Gilligan smiles.

PROFESSOR, MR. HOWELL, AND SKIPPER

PROFESSOR

Gilligan, I'm afraid we've all been quite uncouth.

MR HOWELL

We want to make it up by acting a bit more "couther,"

(to Skipper)

if Webster will forgive me.

GILLIGAN

SKIPPER (O.S.)

Gilligan, please. Haven't you got just a little space in your heart to forgive us?

GILLIGAN

Oh, I already forgave you guys. The only thing bothering me is how after three dinners I'm gonna have any room for the cake.

PROFESSOR, MR. HOWELL, AND SKIPPER

exchange glances.

FLIP TO:

EXT. CAMP - NIGHT

CAKE

A dozen lit candles adorn the cake.

PULL BACK TO

Gilligan giving a speech. The other castaways surround him.

GILLIGAN

Unaccustomed as I am to public speaking, I'll make this very brief. I'd like to thank my big buddy the Skipper for being such a wonderful guy.

GILLIGAN

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

I want to thank the Professor for being such a wonderful guy, and Mister Howell for being such a wonderful guy, ...

CAKE

GILLIGAN (O.S.)

... and Missus Howell for being such a wonderful guy, and ...

BACK TO SCENE

GILLIGAN

... you two girls for making me such a wonderful guy.

GILLIGAN AND SKIPPER

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

I mean, for baking me such a wonderful pie. I mean for making me such a wonderful cake. I mean for baking--

SKIPPER

Gilligan, that's enough now. Why don't you ...

CAKE

SKIPPER (O.S.)

... blow out the candles so we can ...

GILLIGAN AND SKIPPER

SKIPPER

... all have a piece of cake?

GILLIGAN

Just one more thing, Skipper. In conclusion, I'd like to say ...

CAKE

GILLIGAN (O.S.)

... I will never leave you all ever, ever again.

GILLIGAN

blows at the candles. A huge explosion.

PULL BACK

Debris from the cake is spattered around. The cake was destroyed. The castaways have bits of frosting on their faces and clothing.

SKIPPER

Is everybody all right?

MR HOWELL

Yeah.

SKIPPER

Where's Gilligan?

GILLIGAN (O.S.)

Up here!

The castaways all look up.

GILLIGAN'S LEGS

dangle down below him. He was thrown up through the roof of the hut.

SKIPPER

Are you all right?

GILLIGAN

I'm fine. Great party. Boy, what a blowout!

SKIPPER

gives an aside glance.

FADE OUT.

END OF ACT TWO

TAG

FADE IN:

EXT. CAMP - DAY

Gilligan enters from the jungle. He holds an open book as he walks. Skipper sits and eats at the dining table alone. A tablecloth covers the table.

GILLIGAN

Morning, Skipper. Missed you at breakfast.

SKIPPER

Oh, thank you, Gilligan, but I decided to patch up the hole you made in the roof first.

GILLIGAN

I learned a new trick in this magic book. You wanna see it?

SKIPPER

No, you don't, Gilligan. You're not gonna pull this tablecloth out. This is one meal I'm gonna eat.

GILLIGAN

I'm not gonna pull the tablecloth out. I can make the table rise.

SKIPPER

doesn't believe him.

SKIPPER

Sure you can.

GILLIGAN

Yeah, I can. Watch.

BACK TO SCENE

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

I command you to rise.

Gilligan holds out his arms in front of him, palms up, and motions the table to rise into the air. The table rises. Skipper is astonished. Gilligan is thrilled that the magic trick worked.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

I did it!

SKIPPER

Gilligan, this is impossible!

GILLIGAN

It is?

SKIPPER

Yes!

The table drops to the ground. Skipper exclaims in pain.

GILLIGAN

You never should have said that!

BACK TO SCENE

Skipper removes his cap and stands up. Gilligan turns and runs into the jungle. Skipper chases him.

FADE OUT.

THE END