TEASER

FADE IN:

EXT. GILLIGAN'S ISLAND - ESTABLISHING SHOT - DAY

INT./EXT. SUPPLY HUT - DAY

PAN DOWN

a gourd attached to a bamboo pole that hangs upside down. Fumes waft from it. A coil of tubing allows its contents to drip into another gourd above a small flame.

PAN RIGHT

across various containers, tubes, racks, and gourds. This is Professor's lab equipment.

PULL BACK

to Professor sitting in front of the table with his lab equipment. He carefully pours the contents of one bamboo tube into a half-coconut. Gilligan quietly enters, walks over to Professor, and speaks into his ear.

GILLIGAN

Hiya, Professor.

Professor is startled and stops pouring. He looks down to see if he spilled.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. You must be awful nervous.

PROFESSOR

Well, I'm not nervous, Gilligan. I didn't realize you were here and you startled me.

GILLIGAN

Oh.

Professor resumes pouring. Gilligan moves around Professor and speaks into his other ear.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Hiya, Professor!

Professor is startled again and stops pouring.

PROFESSOR

Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

You see, you are nervous. You jumped even when you knew I was here.

Professor places the tube into a rack on the table. He picks up a stir and mixes the content of the half-coconut.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Hey, you know, I took chemistry in high school once. I'll never forget it. I mixed ammonia with some acid, and you know what I got?

PROFESSOR

No, what?

GILLIGAN

Expelled. They thought the school was gonna burn down.

Professor laughs, but continues stirring.

PROFESSOR

I don't wonder. You know many kinds of acids are highly combustible.

GILLIGAN

Not only that, they can start a fire. This must be a very important experiment you're working on.

PROFESSOR

It is, Gilligan. You've seen those dye markers the Navy uses as distress signals?

GILLIGAN

Yeah, the yellow stuff that floats in the water.

PROFESSOR

That's right. Well, I've managed to scrape together some potassium chromate here on the island and I believe I've succeeded in duplicating the Navy formula.

GILLIGAN

No fooling? Then we could be rescued?

PROFESSOR

Exactly. And I'm even adding a phosphorescent compound to the dye to enable it to glow in the dark.

GLOWING BOWL

Professor removes a cloth that covers the glowing bowl, which contains Professor's phosphorescent compound. Gilligan picks up the bowl.

BACK TO SCENE

GILLIGAN

Shiny junk.

Gilligan holds the bowl close to his chest. Its glow reflects off Gilligan's face.

PROFESSOR

That's it. And when I add that "shiny junk," as you call it, to this yellow dye marker, it'll glow like a torch. Planes flying anywhere near the island will be able see it day or night.

GILLIGAN

Yeah, and they'll follow it straight here and we'll be rescued. I'd better go tell the others. Oh, boy!

Gilligan puts the bowl down on the table, turns, and heads for the door.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Oh, no.

Before he gets to the door, Gilligan stops, turns, and runs back to Professor.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Professor, what's the name of that stuff?

PROFESSOR

Well, it's a mixture of potassium chromate, ferric chloride and calcium phosphate.

GILLIGAN

Potassium, potassium, ferric--

PROFESSOR

Shiny junk.

GILLIGAN

Shiny junk, yes.

Gilligan turns and runs out the door.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Hey, we're gonna be rescued!

FADE OUT.

END OF TEASER

ACT ONE

FADE IN:

EXT. GILLIGAN'S ISLAND - ESTABLISHING SHOT - DAY

INT./EXT. BOYS HUT - DAY

GILLIGAN (O.S.)

Skipper!

Gilligan enters and runs up to the boys hut door.

GILLIGAN

Hey, Skipper!

Skipper comes to the window. He holds a banana peel.

SKIPPER

What's all the excitement?

GILLIGAN

Oh, I have news for you.

SKIPPER

Well, what is it?

GILLIGAN

The Professor's working on an experiment with some chemicals he found right here on the island--

Skipper walks out of the hut. Around his waist is a towel.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

--and what happened to you?

SKIPPER

Gilligan, I had a little bit of an accident. I bent over to pick up a bunch of bananas and my pants split. So Mary Ann is sewing them up for me and what's the good news?

GILLIGAN

As I was saying, the Professor's working on a dye marker that just like the Navy, and it lights up at night. And you're getting too fat.

SKIPPER

I am not! You mean you can really see it at night?

GILLIGAN

Skipper, you can see that pot of yours day or night.

SKIPPER

Oh, cut that out, Gilligan! I mean--with a thing like this, we could possibly be rescued! Oh, boy!

GILLIGAN

Skipper, what are you going to do after you're rescued besides stand in line in the unemployment office?

SKIPPER

Come to think of it, little buddy, I hadn't even thought about it. With the boat wrecked, I guess I'm out of business. I suppose I'll go back in the Navy.

GILLIGAN

Okay, if you go in the Navy, I'll go in the Navy.

SKIPPER

Gilligan, I had no idea that you felt that way.

GILLIGAN

Skipper, you're my buddy and my pal and shipmate.

SKIPPER

You mean you'd stick with me?

GILLIGAN

Sure. It's better than starving to death.

MARY ANN (O.S.)

Skipper, I finished your pants.

SKIPPER

Oh, here's Mary Ann.

Skipper opens the hut door and walks back inside to the window, hiding his towel-covered lower half. Mary Ann enters carrying Skipper's pants.

MARY ANN

I let them out two inches just like you asked me to, Skipper.

Mary Ann hands the pants to Skipper. Skipper looks at Gilligan and then Mary Ann.

SKIPPER

Thank you, Mary Ann.

Skipper turns and disappears with the pants.

GILLIGAN

Hey, Mary Ann, did you hear the good news? We're gonna be rescued.

MARY ANN

Rescued? Oh, are you sure, Gilligan? Are you one hundred percent completely, absolutely, positively certain?

GILLIGAN

I'm not even that certain my name is Gilligan. But the Professor says we're gonna be rescued.

MARY ANN

That's wonderful!

(kisses Gilligan on his cheek)

I'll go tell the others.

Mary Ann exits.

GILLIGAN

Yeah.

Skipper reappears wearing the pants. He opens the hut door and joins Gilligan. Skipper holds a banana that he peels.

SKIPPER

There we are. Good as new.

GILLIGAN

I don't know. Maybe she should've let it out four inches instead of two.

SKIPPER

She only let them out--Well, all right, two inches. But, what do you mean four inches? They're perfect just the way they are.

GILLIGAN

Okay, Skipper. See you later.

Gilligan exits.

SKIPPER

For goodness sakes. Four inches instead of two inches? Why, you've got a lot of nerve.

Skipper peels the banana too far and the banana falls to the ground. Skipper holds the banana peel. He bends over to pick up the banana. His PANTS split with a TEAR. He gives an aside glance.

FLIP TO:

INT. HOWELLS HUT - DAY

Mrs. Howell, dressed in a mink stole and other finery, stands in front of their beaded door and shouts for a porter.

MRS HOWELL

(shouts)

Red cap! Red cap!

(turns to Mr. Howell)

They're never around when you want them.

MR HOWELL

Lovey, you keep forgetting we're on a deserted island. There aren't any red caps. There's only Gilligan.

MRS HOWELL

Yes, of course, Gilligan.

(shouts)

White cap! White cap!

Gilligan enters through the beaded door.

MR HOWELL

Gilligan, my boy, would you mind helping us with these bags?

Mr. Howell points to four suitcases nearby.

GILLIGAN

Certainly, Mister Howell.

MRS HOWELL

Now, be very careful of the large one. There's something frightfully expensive in it.

MR HOWELL

Money.

GILLIGAN

Oh, don't worry, Mister Howell, I'll be very careful.

Gilligan bends over to pick up the suitcases.

MR HOWELL

Watch it, that's matching luggage. Watch it, boy. Here, here. There you go.

MRS HOWELL

Oh, poor Gilligan.

Gilligan picks up all four suitcases and walks toward the beaded door.

MR HOWELL

No, he's a hardy fellow.

Gilligan stops and turns to Mr. Howell.

GILLIGAN

Whoop. Mister Howell?

MR HOWELL

Yes, what is it?

GILLIGAN

Can I ask you something?

MR HOWELL

Certainly.

GILLIGAN

Are you folks going on a trip?

MR HOWELL

A trip? Oh, don't be silly. We're being rescued.

MRS HOWELL

Oh, really, Gilligan, you told us only an hour ago that the Professor was working on a scheme to get us off the island. Surely we haven't been shipwrecked again before we even start?

GILLIGAN

The Professor still has to work on the experiment. He has to find some more chemicals.

MR HOWELL

Chemicals?

GILLIGAN

Yeah. He takes this shiny junk and he mixes it with this other stuff, see? Then when it gets all squishy he adds more goop, and then heats it. Then he takes that mess and pours it into this mess, and then he--Am I being too technical for you?

The Howells look at each other. Mrs. Howell shrugs.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. SUPPLY HUT - DAY

Professor sits at his laboratory table and works on his experiment. Skipper enters carrying a Navy manual.

SKIPPER

Professor? Professor?

PROFESSOR

Huh?

SKIPPER

Don't let me interrupt your experiment. I just wanted to use your scale.

PROFESSOR

Oh, help yourself, Skipper.

SKIPPER

You know, I just think it's near genius the way you figured out how to make this dye marker.

PROFESSOR

Just lucky to find the chemicals. Afraid you're getting a little overweight?

Skipper walks over the scale.

SKIPPER

No, but you know,

(slaps his belly)

a fellow likes to keep in shape.

Skipper opens the Navy manual.

PROFESSOR

By the way, that scale only goes to two hundred pounds.

SKIPPER

Thanks.

Gilligan enters.

GILLIGAN

Skipper, I cleaned up the other scale. A big one by the campfire.

SKIPPER

Gilligan, we use that scale to weigh the fish. If you don't mind, I'll use the Professor's scale.

GILLIGAN

Oh.

Skipper pages through the Navy Manual.

SKIPPER

Now, it's in here somewhere. There's a table in this Navy manual that tells me how much I should weigh.

GILLIGAN

Maybe it's under "tonnage."

Skipper turns a page in the Navy manual.

SKIPPER

Here we are. There.

(points to the page)

Six foot three. It says I should weigh a hundred and ninety-nine pounds.

GILLIGAN

Oh, but Skipper, that scale only goes up to--

SKIPPER

I know, two hundred pounds. Therefore, I have nothing to worry about.

Skipper closes the Navy manual and hands it to Gilligan.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Gilligan.

Skipper removes his cap and hands it to Gilligan. Then he removes his pinky ring and hands that to Gilligan. Skipper proudly steps onto the scale.

DIAL

on the scale spins around several times.

BACK TO SCENE

Gilligan and Skipper watch the dial spin.

SKIPPER'S LEGS

stand on the scale. A net with coconut counterweights drops to the floor and the coconuts spill out and hit Skipper's feet. He cries out.

DIAL

spins faster and faster and pops out with a BOING.

BACK TO SCENE

GILLIGAN

Tilt!

Skipper looks at Gilligan.

FLIP TO:

EXT. CAMP - DAY

Skipper and Gilligan stand near the big scale. It is a bamboo tripod with the scale hanging under it. A dial near the top is graduated to 400 pounds. A basket hangs under it with enough room for the Skipper to sit in it.

GILLIGAN

Okay, Skipper, it's all set. Have a seat.

SKIPPER

Do you think that will hold me, Gilligan?

GILLIGAN

Aw come on, Skipper, we've weighed bigger fish than you.

Gilligan gives Skipper's belly a backhanded slap. Skipper cries out.

SKIPPER

All right, step aside.

Skipper sits on the SCALE which CREAKS and GROANS. The dial moves to 221 pounds. Gilligan looks up at the dial.

SCALE

reads 221.

BACK TO SCENE

GILLIGAN

Wow!

SKIPPER

Well, what does it say?

GILLIGAN

Well, Skipper, you're right between a largemouth bass and a hammerhead shark.

SKIPPER

Never mind that, Gilligan. How much do I weigh?

GILLIGAN

Two hundred and twenty-one pounds. Skipper, you'll never get in the Navy. You gotta lose twenty-two pounds.

SKIPPER

Skipper's gotta go on a diet.

Skipper struggles to escape the SCALE. It CREAKS and GROANS as he stands up.

GILLIGAN

Yeah.

Professor enters.

PROFESSOR

Oh, there you are, Skipper. Now listen, when I finish making the chemicals, I'm going to need a special kind of raft to release the dye marker out at sea.

SKIPPER

You design it, I'll build it.

GILLIGAN

He needs the exercise.

SKIPPER

My little buddy said that.

PROFESSOR

I'm going to be finished in about a week.

Professor turns and exits.

GILLIGAN

Yeah, hear that, Skipper? In a week we'll be rescued.

SKIPPER

Hey, I'm thinking about something else, Gilligan. You know, I've got to lose more than twenty-two pounds in less than a week if we want to join the Navy.

GILLIGAN

You'll have to go on a crash diet.

SKIPPER

Exactly. Now, this is what I want you to do. I want you to help me. Anytime, no matter what I do, what I say, I don't let me have anything to eat. Do you understand? Nothing!

GILLIGAN

You can depend on me, Skipper.

Skipper pats Gilligan on the shoulder. A DINNER TRIANGLE RINGS.

Time for dinner. Come on, let's go.

Gilligan exits. Skipper gives an aside glance.

FLIP TO:

EXT. CAMP - DINNERTIME

Professor, Gilligan, Skipper, Mary Ann, and Ginger sit at the dining table. In front of Professor are plates, utensils, and bowls of food. Professor serves up plates of food and passes them to Gilligan. Gilligan passes a plate to Skipper. Skipper places the plate in front of himself.

GILLIGAN

That's Ginger's. Pass it down.

SKIPPER

Pardon me, Ginger.

Skipper picks up the plate and passes it to Mary Ann, who passes it to Ginger.

GINGER

Thanks.

Professor fills another plate and passes it to Gilligan. Gilligan passes it to Skipper. Skipper places the plate in front of himself.

GILLIGAN

That's Mary Ann's. Pass it down.

Skipper picks up the plate and passes it to Mary Ann. Professor hands another plate to Gilligan, who passes it to Skipper.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Here's yours, Skipper.

Skipper looks at the plate. It has only one small leaf of lettuce.

SKIPPER

Oh, now wait a minute, Gilligan, didn't you forget something? I mean, there's only a measly piece of lettuce on the plate.

GILLIGAN

(enthusiastically)

Oh, yeah.

(puts spoon on Skipper's plate)

Your spoon.

Skipper picks up the spoon and points it at the lettuce leaf.

SKIPPER

Gilligan, this isn't enough food for a grown man.

GILLIGAN

It's enough food for an overgrown man.

Skipper sets the plate on the table and the spoon on top of it.

SKIPPER

Well, all right. If you'll all excuse me, I'll go read so I can take my mind off the food.

GILLIGAN

Hey, Skipper?

SKIPPER

Yes?

GILLIGAN

Don't go too far. It's your turn to wash the dishes.

Skipper stuffs the lettuce leaf in his mouth and pushes the plate toward Professor.

SKIPPER

There's one dish I won't have to wash.

Skipper turns and exits. Professor hands Gilligan a plate.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. BOYS HUT - ESTABLISHING SHOT - NIGHT

INT. BOYS HUT - NIGHT

Gilligan and Skipper lie back in their hammocks, Gilligan in the upper bunk and Skipper in the lower bunk.

GILLIGAN

Good night, Skipper. Sleep tight.

SKIPPER

Sleep tight? It's all right for you to say that because you're not starving to death.

GILLIGAN

Just forget about it and go to sleep.

SKIPPER

I've tried to go to sleep. I've tried counting sheep but they all turn into lamb chops. Boy, am I hungry!

Gilligan turns to speak down to Skipper.

GILLIGAN

Skipper, we gotta get your mind off food. Let's talk about getting rescued.

SKIPPER

Good idea.

GILLIGAN

Yeah. It's lucky we got the Professor. He's one smart cookie.

SKIPPER

Cookie?

GILLIGAN

I mean, he knows his onions.

SKIPPER

Gilligan, if you don't shut up I'm going to bend you like a pretzel. Now see what you've done. You've got me doing it to me!

GILLIGAN

I'm sorry, Skipper. Every time I try to help, I end up a dead duck.

Gilligan covers his face with his hat. Skipper groans in agony at the word play.

FLIP TO:

INT. BOYS HUT - LATER

GILLIGAN

sleeps in the top hammock. He snores lightly.

PAN DOWN TO SKIPPER

opens his eyes. He lifts his head and looks around. Skipper quietly rolls out the bottom hammock and stands up. He looks at Gilligan sleeping and tip-toes toward the door.

GILLIGAN

sleeps in his bunk. A vine runs from Gilligan's leg to the floor.

SKIPPER'S LEGS

The other end of the vine attached to Gilligan is tried to one of Skipper's legs. Skipper, feels resistance from the vine and pulls his leg forward.

GILLIGAN

rolls out the the upper hammock onto the ground.

SKIPPER

turns and looks at Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

wags his finger at Skipper.

GILLIGAN

Uh-ah-ah-ah-ah.

SKIPPER

looks back at Gilligan. He's exasperated.

FLIP TO:

INT./EXT. BOYS HUT - MIDNIGHT

Gilligan sleeps face-down in the upper hammock. A vine is wrapped around Gilligan's upper hammock and connected to Skipper's lower hammock.

SKIPPER

Gilligan?

Skipper taps Gilligan through the hammock. Gilligan's arm falls limply on Skipper's face.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Gilligan?

Skipper moves Gilligan's arm off of his face.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Are you asleep?

Skipper takes Gilligan's hand and bends Gilligan's index finger into the shape of a hook. Skipper hooks Gilligan's bent finger on the edge of the upper hammock. Skipper removes a pocketknife from his pocket, opens the pocketknife, and cuts through the vine. Skipper folds the pocketknife closed. He carefully moves the vine out of the way so he has a clear path to the door. He rolls out of the hammock and stands. He looks at Gilligan in the upper hammock. Gilligan still sleeps. Skipper walks to the door and carefully open it, exits, and carefully closes the door. Skipper runs away.

INT./EXT. SUPPLY HUT - MIDNIGHT

An easel holds a large piece of slate. On it are differential equations. Skipper runs to the door and opens it. He enters, and quietly walks over to a cabinet labeled "Food Locker."

SKIPPER

SKIPPER

Now for a nice midnight snack.

Skipper opens the door to find...

GILLIGAN

sitting in the empty food locker. Gilligan wags his finger at Skipper.

GILLIGAN

Uh-ah-ah-ah-ah.

Gilligan pants heavily as if he just ran from the boys hut to the supply hut.

SKIPPER

stares at him in disbelief and gives an aside glance.

FLIP TO:

EXT. CAMP - DAY

Skipper and Gilligan work on the raft. Gilligan carries a long bamboo pole. He puts one end of it down.

GILLIGAN

Skipper, we work together good, don't we?

SKIPPER

Yeah.

GILLIGAN

And when we get rescued, we'll be doing the same thing in the Navy together.

SKIPPER

Well, not exactly, Gilligan. You see, we won't be working on rafts like this in the Navy. In the Navy they've got rafts you just push a button the whole thing blows up like a big balloon.

GILLIGAN

Speaking of big balloons, that reminds me, it's time for your exercise.

SKIPPER

(sarcastically)

Oh, Gilligan, you sure have a way of making a fellow feel good.

Skipper gives an aside glance.

GILLIGAN

Skipper, you told me yourself you wanted to run ten laps a day.

SKIPPER

That's right. I figure if I run those ten laps a day, then I'll lose some of mine.

GILLIGAN

Some of your what?

SKIPPER

My lap! Ten laps, if I loo--Oh, never mind, Gilligan. Well, here I go.

Skipper exits.

FLIP TO:

EXT. CAMP - DAY

Ginger reclines on a chaise lounge chair. She files her nails. Skipper enters. He's just run ten laps around the island.

GINGER

Oh, hi, Skipper.

Skipper sits down on a nearby chair.

SKIPPER

Hello, Ginger. Wow. Ten laps!

Ginger puts her hand on Skipper's arm.

GINGER

You're just in time for your exercise.

SKIPPER

Exercise? I just ran ten laps around the island.

GINGER

Oh, well, this is different. The--these are the exercises the movies stars do in Hollywood. You know, to reduce the waist and hips and so forth.

SKIPPER

That's where I need it off. Around the waist and hips and my so-forth.

GINGER

Okay, Skipper, come on.

Ginger takes Skipper's hand and stands. Skipper stands.

GINGER (cont'd)

Here we go.

Ginger guides Skipper where they'll not bump into the furniture.

GINGER (cont'd)

Now, hands on hips.

They put their hands on their hips.

GINGER (cont'd)

Feet apart. Chest out. Head way back.

They both lean far back.

GINGER (cont'd)

Way back. This is very good for your figure, Skipper.

SKIPPER

Believe me, Ginger, mine will never look like yours.

GINGER

Now we're gonna do the trunk exercise. This is guaranteed to slim down your waist. Here we go. Now.

Ginger moves her hips in a circular motion similar to a Hula dance.

GINGER (cont'd)

Come on, Skipper, do it. It's very easy. It's just like doing the hula.

SKIPPER

But, Ginger, I--I can't do that.

GINGER

Come on. You said you want to get back in the Navy, don't you?

SKIPPER

Well, yes, but I wasn't thinking about joining the WAVES.

GINGER

That's right. Now you're swinging. Go.

HOWELLS

GINGER (O.S.)

Come on.

MRS HOWELL

Isn't that lovely? You know, they say if you watch the movements, you can tell the whole story.

MR HOWELL

Well, I don't get what he's saying, but with her, I do get the message.

MARY ANN (O.S.)

Lunch is ready!

BACK TO SCENE

MR HOWELL

Sorry, Skipper, but you're not on the guest list.

SKIPPER

Oh, but Mister Howell, I'm starving!

Mrs. Howell holds out a transparent bottle.

MRS HOWELL

Oh, Skipper, I found these reducing pills. You take one every time you're hungry.

She hands the bottle to Skipper.

MR HOWELL

Good idea.

SKIPPER

Thanks a lot.

MR HOWELL

Come along, Lovey, darling.

Mr. Howell and Mrs. Howell exit. Skipper looks at the bottle, opens it, and takes a small handful of pills.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. CAMP - DAY

Skipper sits in the large fish scale. Gilligan stands in front of it and attempts to read the dial. He holds the Navy manual. Professor stands on the opposite side.

GILLIGAN

Skipper, will you hold still? I can't read the scale.

PROFESSOR

Skipper, I hope you two are working on that raft because the phosphorescent dye is almost finished.

SKIPPER

We'll be ready when you are, Professor.

PROFESSOR

Good. Once a plane spots that marker, we're a cinch to be rescued.

Professor exits.

GILLIGAN

Hot dog!

SKIPPER

Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

Sorry, Skipper.

SKIPPER

Well, how much do I weigh?

Gilligan looks at the scale again.

GILLIGAN

Let's see here. According to the scale, you have to lose two more pounds to get into the Navy.

SKIPPER

Let me see that book.

Skipper climbs out of the scale. He takes the book from Gilligan. Gilligan sits down in the scale. Skipper reads.

GILLIGAN

Well, you satisfied?

SKIPPER

confirms Gilligan's results in the Navy manual.

SKIPPER

Yeah.

Skipper reads further and then looks up at the scale with an astonished look.

SCALE

reads about 125 pounds.

SKIPPER

Skipper's eyes grow wide.

GILLIGAN

sits on the scale basket.

GILLIGAN

What's the matter?

SKIPPER

SKIPPER

The--the scale!

GILLIGAN

looks up at the dial.

GILLIGAN

What's the matter with the scale?

SKIPPER

consults the Navy manual.

SKIPPER

Even if I can get into the Navy, you can't. You're five pounds underweight.

GILLIGAN

looks horrified.

GILLIGAN

Underweight?

SKIPPER

looks sheepish.

SCALE

reads about 125 pounds.

FADE OUT.

END OF ACT ONE

ACT TWO

FADE IN:

EXT. GILLIGAN'S ISLAND - ESTABLISHING SHOT - DAY

EXT. CAMP - DAY

Gilligan sits on the scale's basket. Mrs. Howell sits in front of him and feeds him spoonfuls of food from a bowl sitting on a small square table.

MRS HOWELL

Now open up, Gilligan.

(spoon feeds Gilligan)

There, just two more spoonfuls

(spoon feeds Gilligan)

and it'll all be gone.

(spoon feeds Gilligan)

Keep eating, Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

Missus Howell--

MRS HOWELL

You know, you have to eat if you want to join the Skipper and be in the Navy when we're rescued.

GILLIGAN

But, Missus Howell, I think I--

Mrs. Howell spoon feeds Gilligan.

MRS HOWELL

Now, you have to gain five more pounds in two days. Or is it two pounds in five days or--In any case, keep eating.

Mrs. Howell spoon feeds Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

Missus Howell, this is the third meal I've had today and it's not even lunchtime yet.

Mrs. Howell spoon feeds Gilligan. Mr. Howell enters.

MR HOWELL

Oh my, my, what a charming picture. It reminds me of when my nanny fed me. It was so embarrassing.

MRS HOWELL

Why was it embarrassing when your nanny fed you, darling?

MR HOWELL

It was my senior year at Harvard. Well, how's Operation Gluttony coming?

(points to dial)

Ooh, I see the boy has gained three-quarters of a pound.

MRS HOWELL

Isn't that wonderful?

GILLIGAN

I sure hope so, 'cause I can't eat another bite.

Skipper enters carrying two long bamboo poles for the raft construction.

SKIPPER

Gilligan, if you'd like to get your appetite back, why don't you come with me and help me build the raft?

MRS HOWELL

Oh no, Skipper. He mustn't have any exercise at all. That's out of the question.

GILLIGAN

But, Missus Howell, I--

Skipper exits carrying the bamboo poles.

MRS HOWELL

No, Gilligan. If you work, you're liable to perspire. And if you perspire, you're liable to lose weight. Isn't that true, Thurston?

MR HOWELL

Well, I don't know. I've never perspired.

FLIP TO:

EXT. CAMP - DAY

Mary Ann stands in front of a rectangular table spooning fruit into a bowl for Gilligan to eat. Ginger enters carrying another bowl of food.

MARY ANN

Ooh--that smells good.

Ginger verbalizes her pleasure.

MARY ANN (cont'd)

Here, I'll take it to him.

GINGER

Oh, no-no, you don't. It's my turn.

MARY ANN

Oh, I know, but--Why don't we both feed him, huh?

GINGER

Okay. Good idea. We'll turn the little string bean into a jolly green giant.

FLIP TO:

EXT. CAMP - DAY

Gilligan sits at a small square table. In front of him sits a bunch of bananas. Gilligan peels a banana and tosses the banana peel aside.

BANANA PEEL PILE

A banana peel lands on a pile of banana peels much larger than several bunches of bananas. Gilligan has been eating bananas for quite a while.

BACK TO SCENE

Gilligan eats the flesh of the banana.

Skipper sits on the ground. He's hungry. So hungry that he weakly hammers at the raft he's building. Skipper places the hammer aside. Mary Ann and Ginger walk toward them through the jungle. Each carry a bowl of food. Mary Ann carries a bowl of pineapple. Ginger carries a bowl of soft-shelled crab meat.

SKIPPER

Gilligan, I don't think I can hold out much longer. All I can think of is sirloin steak, French-fried potatoes, mushroom sauce--

GILLIGAN

Skipper, please, not when I'm eating.

Mary Ann and Ginger sit on either side the small square table next to Gilligan.

MARY ANN

Lunch, Gilligan. Some soft-shelled crab and some fresh pineapple.

SKIPPER

SKIPPER

Crab and pineapple.

Skipper puts a nail into his mouth to hold it while he works on the raft.

GILLIGAN (O.S.)

Uh-uh, Skipper.

MARY ANN, GILLIGAN, AND GINGER

Gilligan points at Skipper. The women look toward Skipper.

GILLIGAN

I saw you put something in your mouth.

SKIPPER

removes the nail from his mouth.

SKIPPER

Gilligan, for your information, these are nails.

Skipper realizes he might be able to suck on the nails so he puts one back in his mouth. He's disappointed, removes it, and tosses it down to the ground.

MARY ANN, GILLIGAN, AND GINGER

The women take turns feeding Gilligan.

GINGER

Spoonful of crab.

MARY ANN

Spoonful of pineapple.

SKIPPER

SKIPPER

Must you feed him in front of me?

MARY ANN, GILLIGAN, AND GINGER

GINGER

Oh. Oh-no, Skipper. We can go someplace else.

SKIPPER (O.S.)

No, that's all right.

SKIPPER

SKIPPER

At least I can smell the food. I mean, even though my stomach is unhappy, my--my nose is happy.

BACK TO SCENE

Professor enters from the jungle. The women continue to feed Gilligan.

MARY ANN

Spoonful of pineapple.

MARY ANN, PROFESSOR, GILLIGAN, AND GINGER

PROFESSOR

How're you doing, Gilligan?

GILLIGAN

Well, I--

GINGER

Spoonful of crab.

MARY ANN

Spoonful of pineapple.

PROFESSOR

Keep up the good work, girls.

PAN WITH PROFESSOR

as he walks over to Skipper.

PROFESSOR (cont'd)

How's the raft coming, Skipper?

SKIPPER

Oh, fine. Just fine, Professor.

PROFESSOR

Well, good. I'm almost finished with the dye. Perhaps we can launch the marker tonight.

SKIPPER

At night?

PROFESSOR

Why, sure. With the phosphorus compound that makes it glow, it's even more effective in the dark.

SKIPPER

Okay, well, the raft will be ready in about an hour. That is, unless I take a bite out of it.

PAN WITH PROFESSOR

as he returns to Mary Ann, Gilligan, and Ginger.

GINGER

Spoonful of crab.

MARY ANN

Spoonful of pineapple.

PROFESSOR

Say, I could use a little help mixing the chemicals. Could you spare me one of these girls, Gilligan?

GILLIGAN

Well, I--

GINGER

Spoonful of crab.

MARY ANN

Spoonful of pineapple.

PROFESSOR

How about it, Ginger?

GINGER

Well, okay, Professor. Mary Ann, keep shoveling.

MARY ANN

Okay. Spoonful of crab. Spoonful of pineapple. Spoon--I just remembered. I have a surprise for you. Oh, Skipper, will you finish feeding Gilligan for me, please?

SKIPPER

Finish feeding Gilligan? Well, you know, Mary Ann, that I'm on this diet and I can't--the--Why, certainly, I'll be glad to help you feed Gilligan.

(stands and moves to the table)

You just run right along. Now, Gilligan, open your mouth real wide--

Gilligan opens his mouth wide. Skipper moves the spoon toward Gilligan's mouth, but redirects it toward his own mouth. Gilligan grabs the spoon from him.

GILLIGAN

Oh-no, Skipper. You're supposed to be the one that's not eating. I'm the one that's supposed to eat.

Gilligan moves the bowls of food closer to him.

SKIPPER

Oh, but Gilligan, I've got to have something to eat. I've got to have something to eat.

GILLIGAN

Remember the Navy.

Gilligan eats spoonfuls of pineapple.

SKIPPER

Gilligan, I'll remember the Navy, but just a bite?

Gilligan continues to eat but shakes his head.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Just a taste, then.

Gilligan continues to eat but shakes his head.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Could I lick the bowl?

Gilligan stops spooning in the pineapple. He turns and looks at Skipper. Skipper looks to his right as if to check that the coast is clear and then looks back at Gilligan. Gilligan thinks for a moment.

GILLIGAN

No.

Gilligan continues to spoon pineapple into his mouth.

SKIPPER

I'm starving.

FLIP TO:

EXT. CAMP - DAY

Mr. Howell tends to a soup pot suspended from a bamboo tripod. The contents of the pot cooks and steam rises from the pot. Mr. Howell, wearing a chef's hat, carries a small tray with four small bowls of spices on it. He pinches from one of the small bowls a spices and puts it in the pot. He places the small tray down on the table. The table holds a variety of root vegetables and other foods to go into the soup pot along with a wine bottle. He tastes the spice remaining on his fingers and then brushes his hands together to remove the remaining spice. Mrs. Howell enters.

MRS HOWELL

How's the bouillabaisse coming, darling?

Mr. Howell takes a wooden spoon and dips it in the soup to get a spoonful for Mrs. Howell to taste.

MR HOWELL

Darling, I've surpassed even myself. Don't you agree? It's so yummy.

(allows Mrs. Howell to taste it)

Watch it. Hotty-hot.

MRS HOWELL

An epicurean delight. A culinary masterpiece.

MR HOWELL

Darling, I thought you'd make a fuss over it.

MRS HOWELL

Oh, darling. Thurston, dear, why have you never made bouillabaisse at home?

MR HOWELL

Well, back home, our house is so big, I can't find the kitchen. Once I find the kitchen, I can't find the stove.

Mr. Howell grabs a wine bottle from the table and swigs.

MRS HOWELL

Oh, Thurston!

(wags finger)

Ah-ah.

MR HOWELL

You're so right. Just a little boy.

Mr. Howell pours a splash of wine from the bottle into the soup pot.

EXT. CAMP - DAY

Skipper and Gilligan sit at the small square table while Gilligan continues to eat.

GILLIGAN

Skipper, I can't eat another bite.

SKIPPER

Well, you have my deepest sympathy.

GILLIGAN

After I get up to weight, I'll go on a diet.

SKIPPER

Are you out of your mind? I haven't had food in three days!

GILLIGAN

Well, don't worry, Skipper. It still tastes the same.

MR HOWELL

Gilligan, my boy, I've prepared a dish to titillate even your unsophisticated palate. Behold, the specialty

(in French)

de la maisan.

GILLIGAN

leans over and smells the content of the bowl.

GILLIGAN

What is it? It smells like fish stew.

MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

(horrified)

Fish stew? It's a world famous French recipe: bouillabaisse.

GILLIGAN

GILLIGAN

What does bouillabaisse mean in English?

MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

Em--Fish stew.

GILLIGAN

reacts in recognition, which turns to confusion.

BACK TO SCENE

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

Eat, my boy.

Skipper lunges at the food Mr. Howell prepared. Mr. Howell grunts and raises his arm as if to strike Skipper.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

(in French)

Man capitain!

Eat, Gilligan, my boy. Ooh--the nutritious goodness.

(to Skipper)

You must wait.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. SUPPLY HUT - DAY

Ginger enters carrying a bowl. Professor sits at his experiment table. He holds a gourd and heats it over a small candle.

GINGER

Here you are, Professor. I washed it real good.

She puts the bowl down on the table.

PROFESSOR

Good.

GINGER

You know, one thing I like about science. It is so--scientific.

PROFESSOR

(weakly laughs)

Oh, yes.

GINGER

You know, I took chemistry when I was in high school. I'll never forget one day when I was in class--I mixed ammonia with some kind of acid, and you know what I got?

Professor thinks he knows the punchline to Ginger joke.

PROFESSOR

Expelled.

GINGER

No. I got a date with the most handsome young fireman.

Professor is disappointed in her answer. Professor looks in the open end of the gourd.

PROFESSOR

I think it's finished. We'll just let it cool, and we'll be all set.

Professor pours the content of the gourd into the bowl. It is the phosphorescent shiny junk.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. CAMP - DAY

Skipper continues to work on the raft. Gilligan continues to eat. Mary Ann, carrying a coconut cream pie, enters from the jungle.

MARY ANN

Gilligan, here's the surprise I promised you. Coconut cream pie.

GILLIGAN

No, Mary Ann. Maybe you better take it to somebody else. I can't eat another bite. Really.

Mary Ann puts her hands on her hips and admonishes Gilligan.

MARY ANN

Oh, Gilligan, I baked it for you. Now eat it.

Mary Ann exits.

SKIPPER

works on the raft nearby.

SKIPPER

Hey, Gilligan! Raft's almost finished. Come over and take a look at it.

GILLIGAN

gets up from the table with the pie.

GILLIGAN

(sotto)

Okay, Skipper.

SKIPPER (O.S.)

Hey, Gilligan!

Gilligan trips on the toolbox, twists around, and flings the coconut cream pie backward.

SKIPPER

is hit square in the face with the coconut cream pie.

GILLIGAN

sees Skipper with whipped cream all over himself. Gilligan rushes to Skipper.

SKIPPER AND GILLIGAN

SKIPPER

You clumsy, bumbling--

In yelling at Gilligan, Skipper tastes the sweet goodness of Mary Ann's coconut cream pie.

GILLIGAN

I'm sorry, Skipper. I tripped on the toolbox and--here, let me take it off.

Gilligan uses his fingers to scrape the pie off of Skipper's face. Skipper wants to eat the remains of the pie.

SKIPPER

That's all right, little buddy. After all, accidents will happen.

Skipper laughs.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. SUPPLY HUT - DAY

PULL BACK FROM PHOSPHORESCENT DIE BOWL

to Professor and Ginger admiring his project.

PROFESSOR

Well, there it is. The phosphorescent dye that's going to get us off the island.

GINGER

Isn't it exciting, Professor? Let's go put it on the raft.

Ginger picks up the bowl.

PROFESSOR

Oh, please, let me take it.

Professor holds the bowl too.

PROFESSOR (cont'd)

I don't think I could duplicate this formula again.

GINGER

I'm not gonna drop it. Who do you think I am? Gilligan?

PROFESSOR

Oh, no. No, we haven't been on the island that long.

Ginger releases her grip on the bowl, turns, and walks toward the door. Professor follows her with the bowl.

FLIP TO:

INT. HOWELLS HUT - DAY

Mr. Howell practices golf putting. He walks to retrieve the golf ball when Mrs. Howell bursts in through the beaded door.

MRS HOWELL

Thurston, Thurston, oh, Thurston, I just heard the most marvelous news. We're gonna launch the raft tonight as soon as it gets dark and then we'll be rescued. Rescued!

MR HOWELL

Lovey, Lovey, curb your exuberance. Remember, after all, you are a Howell.

MRS HOWELL

Couldn't we forget that we're Howells just for once?

MR HOWELL

You mean, give it a real rouser?

MRS HOWELL

Oh, do you think we dare?

MR HOWELL

I think we can live dangerously. One, two, three--

MRS HOWELL

Hurrah!

MR HOWELL

Hurrah!

They cover their mouths as if they'd said something naughty.

EXT. CAMP - DAY

PAN ON PROFESSOR

as he enters carrying the bowl with the phosphorescent dye. Gilligan sits at the small square table with the girls' two bowls of food.

PROFESSOR

Ready, Skipper?

SKIPPER

All ready, Professor. I was just about to take it down to the lagoon.

GILLIGAN

Can I help, Skipper?

PROFESSOR

Oh, I'll help him. You just keep eating, Gilligan.

Professor places the bowl down on Gilligan's table and joins the Skipper. The raft sits across two sawhorses. Skipper holds one end of the raft and Professor takes hold of the other end.

SKIPPER

All right, heave-ho, Professor.

Together, they lift the raft off of the sawhorses. They carry the raft away and exit. Gilligan places the last bowl he emptied aside and take the bowl the Professor left for him and moves it in front of him. Gilligan puts his spoon in the content and eats a spoonful. And then a second. And a third. He grimaces at the taste, but shrugs and continues eating.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. GILLIGAN'S ISLAND - ESTABLISHING SHOT - NIGHT

EXT. LAGOON BEACH - NIGHT

Professor kneels in front of the raft. Skipper, Ginger, Mr. Howell, Mrs. Howell, and Mary Ann stand behind him and watch.

PROFESSOR

Well, you've done a fine job, Skipper. Now all we have to do is put the phosphorescent dye in the receptacles. I'll get it.

Professor stands.

SKIPPER

Allow me, Professor.

PROFESSOR

All right. I left it back there on the table by Gilligan.

Professor points with his thumb over his shoulder.

SKIPPER

(shouts)

Gilligan! There's a bowl on the table. It's got the Professor's formula in it. Bring it here!

GINGER

Isn't it exciting, Skipper?

Ginger turns around and is puzzled by what she sees.

GINGER (cont'd)

Oh.

Mary Ann, Mrs. Howell, Mr. Howell, and then Skipper and Professor turn around to look.

GINGER (cont'd)

Oh!

GILLIGAN (O.S.)

This bowl?

SFX: NEGATIVE EFFECT

as Gilligan walks from the jungle to the path. He glows eerily.

BACK TO SCENE

The other castaways stare in disbelief.

SKIPPER

does a double-take.

SFX: NEGATIVE EFFECT

on Gilligan. He looks into the bowl.

GILLIGAN

It's empty!

SKIPPER

SKIPPER

Oh, no!

SFX: NEGATIVE EFFECT

on Gilligan. He looks down at the bowl again and realizes something is amiss. Gilligan drops the bowl and looks at his own strange, glowing hands.

GILLIGAN

Oh, no.

(touches face)

Oh, no. Oh, no! Skipper!

FADE OUT.

END OF ACT TWO

TAG

FADE IN:

EXT. GILLIGAN'S ISLAND - ESTABLISHING SHOT - DUSK

EXT. SIGNAL TOWER - NIGHT

Skipper paces in front of the signal tower.

SKIPPER

Gilligan, I've heard of some stupid things having been done in my lifetime, but this takes the cake. If you hadn't been for you eating the Professor's formula, we'd have been rescued by now.

GILLIGAN (O.S.)

I'm sorry, Skipper.

SKIPPER

Oh, never mind! Maybe a plane or a ship will spot us.

GILLIGAN (O.S.)

I hope so. I'm doing everything I can!

SKIPPER

Never mind, Gilligan! Now, just shut up and keep turning!

SFX: NEGATIVE EFFECT

on Gilligan at the top of the signal tower. He has a blanket covering the top of his head and outstretched arms like a lighthouse. He slowly turns and makes a noise like a FOG HORN.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. GILLIGAN'S ISLAND - ESTABLISHING SHOT - DAY

FADE OUT.

THE END