The castaways discover that Gilligan has been keeping a secret diary.
“Diogenes, Won’t You Please Go Home?”
By
David P. Harmon
May 1, 1965
FADE IN:
EXT. GILLIGAN'S ISLAND - ESTABLISHING SHOT
EXT. JUNGLE - DAY
Gilligan walks through the jungle. Skipper follows Gilligan, pauses, and peeks through the brush.
Gilligan continues down the jungle path. Skipper follows closely behind. Gilligan winds his way through the jungle.
PUSH IN
Skipper stops and peeks between some large leaves.
INT. BOYS HUT - DAY
Gilligan enters the hut, looks behind him, and closes the door.
SKIPPER (O.S.)
Gilligan?
Still looking behind, Gilligan walks toward a planter,
SKIPPER (O.S.) (cont'd)
Where are you?
Gilligan walks to a planter, removes a fern, takes something from beneath the pot, and replaces the fern. Gilligan walks over to a cabinet on the opposite wall.
SKIPPER (O.S.) (cont'd)
Gilligan?
Gilligan opens the cabinet door, puts something in it, closed the door, and places a lock on the door.
SKIPPER (O.S.) (cont'd)
Gilligan?
Skipper enters the hut and Gilligan quickly turns around.
SKIPPER
Gilligan, where are you?
Skipper sees Gilligan and walks over to him.
SKIPPER (cont'd)
Didn't you hear me call you, little buddy?
GILLIGAN
Uh-huh.
SKIPPER
And what did you lock up in the cabinet?
GILLIGAN
Nothing.
SKIPPER
Gilligan, how can you lock up nothing?
GILLIGAN
Well, it's pretty hard, Skipper. You have to get a grip on it, get your legs apart and give it a good--
SKIPPER
I see. In other words, you don't want to tell me.
GILLIGAN
Yup.
SKIPPER
Gilligan, I'll tell you something. I'm not interested.
FLIP TO:
INT. BOYS HUT - NIGHT
Gilligan sleeps in his hammock. Skipper sneaks in the hut by opening the door quietly and tip-toeing over to the cabinet. Skipper tries the lock. Gilligan, who wasn't actually sleeping, looks at Skipper from beneath his hat. Gilligan pulls his hat up slightly to reveal his eyes. Gilligan rests his head on his hand.
GILLIGAN
(whispers)
The key's on top of the cupboard.
SKIPPER
(whispers)
Thanks, Gilligan.
Skipper reaches up to the top of the cabinet, takes the key, and opens the lock. Skipper removes the lock, and then realizes Gilligan is awake and sees what he's doing. Skipper turns around and looks at Gilligan.
SKIPPER (cont'd)
That wasn't very funny.
GILLIGAN
I was just trying to be helpful.
Skipper opens the cabinet door and finds nothing inside.
SKIPPER
It's empty.
GILLIGAN
Right.
SKIPPER
Absolutely nothing.
Gilligan grins and nods.
GILLIGAN
But there used to be something.
Gilligan pulls his hat back down over his eyes and leans back in his hammock. Skipper's jaw drops and he gives an aside glance.
FADE OUT.
END OF TEASER
ACT ONE
FADE IN:
EXT. JUNGLE - DAY
GILLIGAN
walks through the jungle, looking behind to see if he was followed. He walks over to a tree with a hole near the root, kneels down, and reaches in.
SKIPPER (O.S.)
A-ha!
Gilligan looks up and sees the Skipper sitting up in the tree.
GILLIGAN
A-ha?
PAN UP TO SKIPPER
SKIPPER
A-ha.
GILLIGAN
GILLIGAN
Skipper, what are you doing up there?
BACK TO SCENE
SKIPPER
Gilligan, what is more important is what are you doing down there?
GILLIGAN
Skipper, if I were you, I'd get out of that tree.
SKIPPER
Gilligan, I am not moving until I have learned your little secret.
GILLIGAN
It's no secret. See?
Gilligan holds up a small piece of honeycomb.
SKIPPER
And what is that, may I ask?
GILLIGAN
It's honey. I got a sweet tooth and every once in a while I reach in and pull out a piece of honeycomb.
SKIPPER
Gilligan, don't you know better than to stick your hand in a beehive?
GILLIGAN
It's not dangerous. The honey drips through the hole and the bees come in and out by your--
BEEHIVE
Bees buzz around Skipper.
SKIPPER
That is the silliest thing I have ever heard!
Skipper falls from the tree to the ground next to Gilligan. Gilligan rises to his knees and crawls over to Skipper.
GILLIGAN
See? See? I told you so.
Skipper swats at bees.
FLIP TO:
EXT. CAMP - DAY
Ginger sits up from her chaise lounge chair. Mary Ann sits across from her.
GINGER
Could it be a black pearl?
MARY ANN
That's possible. That's very possible.
GINGER
I bet that he's got a whole bagful and he's not sharing them with us.
MARY ANN
Oh, Ginger. Gilligan wouldn't do a thing like that. He's our friend.
GINGER
A girl's best friend is a--
MATCH CUT TO:
INT. BOYS HUT - DAY
Skipper sits on his hammock. Professor paces the floor.
SKIPPER
Diamond?
PROFESSOR
Geologically impossible.
SKIPPER
A ruby?
PROFESSOR
Southeast Asia.
SKIPPER
An emerald?
PROFESSOR
India and the China coast.
Skipper stands up.
SKIPPER
Professor, what is it that Gilligan has that's fabulously valuable that fits in a space like this?
Skipper places his hands apart, measuring something the size of a breadbox.
MATCH CUT TO:
INT. HOWELLS HUT - DAY
Mr. Howell places his hands apart, measuring something the size of a bottle of Scotch. Mrs. Howell files her nails.
MR HOWELL
An eight-year-old bottle of Scotch.
MRS HOWELL
Thurston, we haven't been on this island for eight years.
MR HOWELL
A five-year-old bottle of Scotch?
MRS HOWELL
What makes you think, darling, that he's hiding liquid refreshments?
MR HOWELL
It's the Howell instinct, my dear. You mark my words. Gilligan is fermenting the juice of the grape!
EXT. JUNGLE - DAY
Gilligan carries a pile of coconuts through the jungle. He trips and spills the coconuts on the ground. He picks them up and reaches to get one that rolled into a bush.
GINGER
Oh!
Gilligan is startled and stands up. Ginger appears out of the bush.
GILLIGAN
Ginger, what are you doing in there?
GINGER
In where?
GILLIGAN
In that bush.
GINGER
In the bush? I--I--I was looking for something.
GILLIGAN
A bird?
GINGER
Yeah.
GILLIGAN
Are you a bird-watcher?
GINGER
I was looking for a bird.
GILLIGAN
Me, too. Today I saw a turquoise-browed mott mott and a European poo poo.
GINGER
It must have been fun.
GILLIGAN
What kind are you looking for?
GINGER
Uh, Baltimore Oriole.
GILLIGAN
That's a baseball player.
GINGER
(sultry)
Yeah.
Ginger turns and walks up the jungle path. Gilligan tries to figure out what she meant. He shakes his head.
FLIP TO:
INT. BOYS HUT - DAY
Gilligan sweeps the hut. Professor enters.
PROFESSOR
Ah, Gilligan, I've been looking for you.
GILLIGAN
Well, I'm sure not hard to find.
PROFESSOR
What do you mean?
GILLIGAN
Everybody's been finding me. Been up in trees and jumping out of bushes and just peeking all over the place.
Gilligan pulls back the curtain on the closet to reveal Mary Ann standing in it. Gilligan hands her the broom. He closes the curtain.
GILLIGAN (cont'd)
Thanks, Mary Ann.
(to Professor)
See what I mean?
Gilligan opens the curtain again. Mary Ann emerges from the closet and takes the broom with her.
MARY ANN
I just need the broom for spring house cleaning.
GILLIGAN
What, in November?
Mary Ann exits the hut.
PROFESSOR
Gilligan, it should be obvious. You've hidden something valuable and the other people think you ought to share it with them.
GILLIGAN
What's valuable about a diary?
PROFESSOR
A what?
GILLIGAN
My diary. I write down things about the people and what happens on the island. I call it "Dear Diary."
PROFESSOR
And you've been keeping it hidden?
GILLIGAN
Uh-huh. I hid it real good.
PROFESSOR
Are you sure?
GILLIGAN
I'm positive, because I forgot where I hid it.
PROFESSOR
Wait till I tell the others.
Professor turns and exits the hut. Gilligan turns to pick something up and "Dear Diary" is in his back pocket.
FLIP TO:
EXT. CAMP - DAY
Skipper, Mr. Howell, and Ginger sit at the dining table while Professor stands.
PROFESSOR
And that's the valuable possession that Gilligan's been hiding.
SKIPPER
And here I thought it was something worth a fortune, like a rare jewel or something.
GINGER
I thought it was a bag of black pearls.
MR HOWELL
I knew what he was hiding. You can't fool old Thurston Howell the Third.
SKIPPER
You thought it was a bottle of Scotch.
GINGER
There's a great difference between a bottle of Scotch and a diary.
MR HOWELL
Not to Dean Martin. Fast one.
PROFESSOR
Anyway, the mystery's solved. Gilligan has merely been keeping a diary of our life here on the island.
(pause)
So, now we can all relax.
Professor pats Skipper on the back and exits.
SKIPPER
SKIPPER (V.O.)
Hey, wait a minute. I wonder what Gilligan wrote about me?
GINGER
GINGER (V.O.)
Oh, my gosh. I've got to read what he wrote.
MR. HOWELL
MR HOWELL (V.O.)
Good heavens, will he defame the Howell name?
BACK TO SCENE
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. LAGOON - DAY
Gilligan fishes from a large rock by the edge of lagoon. Skipper walks down the hill and walks up to Gilligan.
SKIPPER
Hi, Gilligan.
GILLIGAN
Hi, Skipper.
SKIPPER
Fish biting good?
GILLIGAN
No, not so good.
SKIPPER
You know what I'm gonna do after we get rescued?
GILLIGAN
Uh-uh, what?
SKIPPER
I'm gonna get myself a new ship, and guess who's gonna be my first mate?
GILLIGAN
Skinny Dave Davis?
SKIPPER
Guess again.
GILLIGAN
Fatso Mulligan?
SKIPPER
No, you.
GILLIGAN
Me?
SKIPPER
Of course, if people say bad things about me, well, nobody would give me a ship, would they?
GILLIGAN
Who would say bad things about you?
SKIPPER
Of course if they said I was to blame for the wreck or that I was a bad officer or couldn't handle men, people could say those things.
GILLIGAN
Yeah, I guess they could.
SKIPPER
In that case, could I have just a wee peek? Just a little peek at your diary?
GILLIGAN
No, I couldn't do that.
SKIPPER
Gilligan, not even where I'm mentioned? Gilligan, as your skipper, I demand it.
GILLIGAN
I'm sorry, Skipper, but it's private.
SKIPPER
Hand me that diary, and that's an order!
GILLIGAN
What if I say no?
SKIPPER
I'll have you put in irons.
GILLIGAN
Oh. I thought you were gonna make me walk the plank.
SKIPPER
First you'll walk the plank, then I'll have you keelhauled, then I'll have you drawn and quartered.
GILLIGAN
Skipper?
SKIPPER
What?
GILLIGAN
How do you spell quartered?
SKIPPER
Cue-you-ay-ar-tee-e-ar-e-dee.
(pleasantly)
Good fishing, little buddy.
FLIP TO:
INT. BOYS HUT - DAY
Ginger approaches Gilligan seductively.
GILLIGAN
I can't.
GINGER
Gilligan, you don't understand.
GILLIGAN
I'd like to show you my diary, but I can't.
GINGER
I thought that you liked me.
GILLIGAN
I do.
GINGER
Well, don't you want me to be the most famous movie star in the whole world?
GILLIGAN
Sure.
GINGER
Then show me your diary, and I'll take it to Hollywood and they'll make a big motion picture about it.
GILLIGAN
They will?
GINGER
Uh-huh. Don't you wanna be my co-star?
GILLIGAN
Me, in the movies?
Ginger inches forward.
GINGER
Sure. We'll have lots of scenes together.
(sultry)
Kissing scenes.
GILLIGAN
(bashfully)
And hugging?
GINGER
(sultry)
Uh-huh. And we'll rehearse over, and over, and over.
Gilligan turns away, hits the side of his head on the pole supporting the hammocks, stuns himself, and slides down to the ground.
FLIP TO:
EXT. CAMP - DAY
Gilligan sits while Mr. Howell stands before him.
MR HOWELL
I, Thurston Howell the Third, creator of careers, builder of men's minds, shaper of their souls, I hereby do take over.
GILLIGAN
Don't think I don't appreciate what you're saying, Mister Howell. It's just that I don't understand it.
MR HOWELL
Leave the thinking to me, see. Hand the diary over to me, my boy, and I'll publish it. I'll make you toast to the literary world, an author
(French)
par excellence.
GILLIGAN
But you'd read it.
MR HOWELL
Well, yes, as publisher, it would be my duty to, of course--
GILLIGAN
I couldn't let you do that.
MR HOWELL
But I'm not just an ordinary man. I'm an outstanding citizen in the community, a man known for his compassion, for his consideration--
GILLIGAN
Mister Howell--
MR HOWELL
(scolding)
Will you be quiet?
(pause)
A man known for his courtesy and thoughtfulness to his fellow man.
GILLIGAN
But Mister Howell--
MR HOWELL
(yells)
Shut up!
GILLIGAN
Mister Howell, I'm sorry, it's private.
MR HOWELL
Fie, knave. Mark my words, you cross swords with Thurston Howell the Third, the king of the beasts.
GILLIGAN
Mister Howell?
MR HOWELL
Yes.
GILLIGAN
How do you spell beasts?
MR HOWELL
Large bee e ay ess tee--
Mr. Howell laughs. Gilligan nods.
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. LAGOON BEACH - DAY
Gilligan stands at the edge of the water.
GILLIGAN
(to Dear Diary)
Don't expect me to write in you tonight, because you're not gonna be here. You've caused me enough trouble, and you're not gonna cause me anymore.
Gilligan hurls the book toward the lagoon. The other castaways appear from the jungle underbrush.
GILLIGAN (cont'd)
Hey, Skipper, did you see that? I threw it right in the lagoon. Hey, Ginger, how about that? It was my high, hard, fast one. Pow! I bet it went a mile, huh? Mister Howell, did you--Professor--
Gilligan frowns.
FADE OUT.
END OF ACT ONE
ACT TWO
FADE IN:
EXT. LAGOON BEACH - DAY
Gilligan reclines on the large fallen tree trunk. He plays with the bayonet as Mrs. Howell emerges from the jungle. It appears that he might puncture his belly with it.
MRS HOWELL
Oh, Gilligan, don't do that.
GILLIGAN
Don't do what?
MRS HOWELL
Ooh, commit Larry-Harry or Harry-Larry or whatever they do with those dreadful things.
GILLIGAN
Oh, I wouldn't do a thing like that, Missus Howell. All I was doing was just looking at the bayonet--
(pause)
You're talking to me.
MRS HOWELL
Of course I am. I talk to everybody but I have a feeling sometimes that nobody listens.
GILLIGAN
I wanna talk to them long enough to find out why they're mad at me.
MRS HOWELL
Oh, that. Thurston explained that to me all last night.
GILLIGAN
What'd he say?
MRS HOWELL
Well, it has something to do with your diary. How did he put it?
(pause)
Oh, "that nasty habit you have of always telling the truth."
GILLIGAN
All I did was write down what happened. I didn't make anything up.
MRS HOWELL
Well, that's probably why it's the truth.
GILLIGAN
I bet you wouldn't be mad at me because of my diary. I wrote, "I look on you like a mother."
MRS HOWELL
Ah, Gilligan, that's sweet of you, but I don't think I'll mention it to Thurston.
GILLIGAN
Why not?
MRS HOWELL
Well, I have an idea that he would rather not be considered your father.
Mrs. Howell exits.
GILLIGAN
I wish they'd all write their own diaries and maybe they'd stop being mad at me.
Gilligan leans back and plays with the bayonet.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. BOYS HUT - DAY
Gilligan enters the hut. Skipper sits at a table, wielding his pen and writing on one page of a stack of papers. Gilligan leans up against the center pole of the hut and whittles a piece of bamboo with the bayonet.
SKIPPER
What are you doing, Gilligan?
GILLIGAN
Whittling.
SKIPPER
Must you whittle?
GILLIGAN
I won't do it if it bothers you.
SKIPPER
It bothers me.
Gilligan tosses the bamboo aside. Gilligan sits down at the table opposite Skipper. He looks at the bayonet blade momentarily and then tosses it into the ground. Gilligan picks the blade up.
SKIPPER (cont'd)
And now?
GILLIGAN
Mumblety-peg.
SKIPPER
Gilligan, give me that.
Gilligan hands the bayonet to Skipper. Skipper places it down on the table next to him.
SKIPPER (cont'd)
Bayonet.
GILLIGAN
It's the bayonet we took off that Japanese sailor, remember? He didn't know the war was over and took them all prisoner.
SKIPPER
Of course I remember.
GILLIGAN
They were all locked up in the compound and I rescued them.
SKIPPER
You rescued them?
GILLIGAN
Sure. Don't you remember? He was up, sleeping on the crotch of that tree, and I crept up and took the key around his neck.
RIPPLE DISSOLVE TO:
DREAM SEQUENCE - EXT. JAPANESE SAILOR COMPOUND - DAY
The Japanese sailor sleeps in the tree. Gilligan creeps up to the sleeping sailor. A cord with a dangling key is tied around his neck. Gilligan unties the cord and carefully pulls the cord from around the sailor's neck.
HIGH ANGLE ON SKIPPER
Skipper digs at the base of the bamboo cage imprisoning Mr. Howell and Professor. Mr. Howell and Professor look down upon Skipper digging. Gilligan approaches carrying the Japanese sailor's rifle with bayonet and a automatic rifle.
GILLIGAN
(whispers)
Skipper, how're you doing?
Skipper shushes him.
SKIPPER
(whispers)
Don't bother me. I'm doing fine.
PAN ON
Gilligan walks to the women's cell.
GILLIGAN
(whispers)
Hi, girls. Here, hold this, will you?
Gilligan leans the automatic rifle on the cell near Mary Ann.
Gilligan unlocks the women's bamboo cell and removes the chain securing the door. Gilligan opens the door. The women escape. Mary Ann drags the automatic rifle behind her.
Gilligan goes to the men's cell, unlocks it, and opens the door. The men escape. The castaways gather behind Skipper as he digs. Gilligan hands Skipper the bayonet.
HIGH ANGLE ON SKIPPER
GILLIGAN (cont'd)
Here you are, Skipper, use this. It might go a little faster.
Gilligan hands the bayonet to Skipper.
SKIPPER
Thanks, Gilligan.
Skipper digs with the bayonet.
SKIPPER
sees that he's surrounded by feet and that Gilligan has freed the other castaways. He stops digging Skipper gives an aside glance.
END DREAM SEQUENCE.
RIPPLE DISSOLVE TO:
INT. BOYS HUT - DAY
Skipper and Gilligan sit across the table from each other.
SKIPPER
Gilligan, I have never heard a more weird fabrication.
GILLIGAN
You like the way I told it, huh?
SKIPPER
Gilligan, I have just written our experience with that Japanese sailor in my diary.
GILLIGAN
Your diary?
SKIPPER
Yes. So that the whole world will know the truth after we're rescued. In these pages, Gilligan, is exactly what happened. Why, if it hadn't been for my heroic feats, you wouldn't even be here.
GILLIGAN
I wouldn't?
SKIPPER
Now hear this.
Skipper reads the pages he's written. Gilligan listens intently.
SKIPPER (cont'd)
(reads)
One by one, my fellow castaways disappeared. In spite of my warnings that there was danger afoot, they wandered off, only to be captured by the enemy. I found myself all alone, except for Gilligan.
RIPPLE DISSOLVE TO:
DREAM SEQUENCE - EXT. JUNGLE - DAY
Gilligan stands behind a small tree trunk. He looks fearful. Skipper passes Gilligan on the path and stops.
SKIPPER
What's the matter, boy?
GILLIGAN
Oh, sir, all of our friends are captured.
SKIPPER
(matter-of-fact-ly)
I'm aware of that.
GILLIGAN
A Japanese sailor is going to kill them.
SKIPPER
Kill them? Ha! Not while I have the use of these two arms.
GILLIGAN
Oh, sir--
Skipper raises his arms and flexes one bicep and then the other, and finally both at the same time.
GILLIGAN (cont'd)
He has guns and things, and all you have is your bare hands.
SKIPPER
Gilligan, I order you to stay here. I shall go forth and free our friends, then turn my mind to the enemy.
GILLIGAN
But what if you are captured?
SKIPPER
You shall never know that, lad, for you will hear nothing but my steady breathing throughout his tortures.
GILLIGAN
Oh, sir.
Patriotic MUSIC plays. Skipper moves Gilligan over a few inches to hide him behind a rather narrow tree trunk. Skipper exits to save the passengers.
EXT. JAPANESE SAILOR COMPOUND - DAY
Mrs. Howell, Ginger, and Mary Ann peer out between the bamboo bars. Grenades hang from wires strung between the bamboo poles.
GINGER
Skipper, we're doomed.
MARY ANN
Oh, I'm too young to die.
MRS HOWELL
Oh, if I could just see my darling Thurston once more.
SKIPPER
Trust me, madam, to see to it that you and your husband are soon reunited.
Skipper grasps the bamboo bars of the cell and spreads them. A grenade drops to Skipper's feet.
SKIPPER (cont'd)
Oh. A live hand grenade. Stand back, ladies. Sometimes the shrapnel comes through my fingers when the grenade goes off.
SKIPPER'S HANDS
grasp the grenade and it explodes! Dust shoots out between his fingers.
PULL BACK TO SCENE
GINGER
Skipper, what a brave and dangerous thing you've done.
EXT. JAPANESE SAILOR COMPOUND - DAY
Gilligan is stretched out, bound by his limbs to bamboo stakes. Japanese Sailor holds a small cup of water.
JAPANESE SAILOR
Now it's time for famous Japanese water torture.
GILLIGAN
I thought it was a Chinese water torture.
JAPANESE SAILOR
They just copied from Japan! You know, I got a good mind not to torture you, but I got to. I have many questions yet to ask for you to answer. All right, now. Dlop by dlop.
Japanese Sailor pours the entire content of the cup onto Gilligan's face. Gilligan sputters the water out of his mouth.
GILLIGAN
That's a mighty big dlop.
JAPANESE SAILOR
That's only first dlop.
Skipper enters and confronts the Japanese sailor.
SKIPPER
No, you don't! Not as long as I'm alive you don't even get name or serial number.
Japanese Sailor turns and walks to the tree behind him, where he has a machine gun. He picks up the machine gun and points it at Skipper.
GILLIGAN
Skipper, you have come to save me.
JAPANESE SAILOR
Nothing can save you or him.
Skipper slowly charges Japanese Sailor, as if Skipper were Frankenstein's monster. Skipper takes the machine gun from Japanese Sailor. He grasps the bullet magazine and crushes it with his bare hand and throws it away.
JAPANESE SAILOR (cont'd)
Holy mackerel!
Skipper tears off the gun sight and the gun's barrel and tosses that over his shoulder.
JAPANESE SAILOR (cont'd)
That's not nice. Oh, please don't--
Skipper folds the rest of the machine gun into a lump of twisted metal and tosses that over his shoulder too.
END DREAM SEQUENCE.
RIPPLE DISSOLVE TO:
INT. BOYS HUT - DAY
Skipper and Gilligan sit across the table from each other. Gilligan leans his head on his hand, looking bored.
SKIPPER
And that, Gilligan, is actually what happened.
Gilligan perks up.
GILLIGAN
It is?
SKIPPER
Of course I have omitted some of the parts where I acted far and above the call of duty. But then all officers do.
GILLIGAN
Uh-huh, yeah.
SKIPPER
Now, if it wouldn't be too much trouble, I have more that I want to write.
GILLIGAN
Okay, Skipper.
Gilligan rises and walks toward the door.
SKIPPER
Uh, Gilligan?
Gilligan stops and turns back to Skipper. Skipper picks up the bayonet, holds it by the blade so the handle is toward Gilligan, and hands it to Gilligan.
SKIPPER (cont'd)
Your bayonet.
Gilligan takes the bayonet and walks toward the door.
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. HOWELLS HUT - DAY
Gilligan faces the door, but turns around. Gilligan holds the bayonet. Mr. Howell sits at his desk, pen in hand, with loose papers he's written sitting in front of him. Mr. Howell writes with a feathered quill. An inkwell sits on the table.
GILLIGAN
I know, Mister Howell, it's just I'm a little mixed up.
MR HOWELL
Not an unusual state, I might add.
GILLIGAN
You see, I was telling the Skipper about the time when the Japanese sailor was here on the island, and he remembers everything different.
MR HOWELL
Well, fortunately, we don't have to depend on memory. You see, I jotted it all down in my journal.
GILLIGAN
Oh.
Mr. Howell arranges his loose pages.
GILLIGAN (cont'd)
You did? What happened to me?
MR HOWELL
You were shot!
Gilligan is startled.
MR HOWELL (cont'd)
Oh, no. That's the wrong page.
Mr. Howell laughs.
MR HOWELL (cont'd)
Now, let's see.
(reads)
Menace stalked our tiny little island. Despite all my efforts to protect them, the women were captured and I did the only thing I could. I allowed myself to be captured, too.
RIPPLE DISSOLVE TO:
DREAM SEQUENCE - EXT. JAPANESE SAILOR COMPOUND - DAY
The Japanese sailor locks Mr. Howell in the men's cell with Professor.
PROFESSOR
Mister Howell, I never thought he could outwit you.
MR HOWELL
A ruse, a clever device on my part, my boy.
PROFESSOR
Getting captured?
MR HOWELL
Very few men would've thought about it.
PROFESSOR
But how do we escape now?
Mr. Howell arrogantly laughs. Mr. Howell removes his shoe.
MR HOWELL
You just leave everything to me, huh?
Mr. Howell pulls at the sole and turns away. He motions that he's pulling something rather large from his shoe. He puts his shoe back on. Then he turns back to reveal a shovel.
PROFESSOR
How did you ever do that?
MR HOWELL
Top secret, my boy, top secret. Keep an eye open. I must rescue everyone.
Mr. Howell digs in the sand with the shovel. Professor keeps watch.
MR. HOWELL
digs in fast motion.
EXT. JAPANESE SAILOR COMPOUND - DAY
Gilligan is backed up against a rock wall with his arms raised over his head. The rock walls appears to be made of individual stones shaped to fit, with mud or grout between them. The Japanese Sailor points a rifle toward Gilligan.
JAPANESE SAILOR
It's time for execution.
GILLIGAN
Please, I'm just a young, innocent boy.
JAPANESE SAILOR
Age make no difference. It's time for execution.
GILLIGAN
I'm stalling for time, so I can be rescued by one of my brave friends.
JAPANESE SAILOR
Oh, it's one big laugh.
Japanese Sailor laughs.
JAPANESE SAILOR (cont'd)
And a double laugh. Ha ha.
Japanese Sailor moves in front of Gilligan.
JAPANESE SAILOR (cont'd)
All right, now. Don't move!
Japanese Sailor raises his rifle to execute Gilligan firing squad style.
JAPANESE SAILOR (cont'd)
All right!
A whip appears out of nowhere and pulls the gun out of Japanese Sailor's hands. Mr. Howell pulls the rifle to him.
GILLIGAN
I am saved.
Gilligan puts his arms down.
JAPANESE SAILOR
Ah-so. We see who's saved.
MR HOWELL
Never fear, Gilligan. Thurston is here.
Mr. Howell slings the whip at the Japanese Sailor. The whip surrounds Japanese Sailor. With the whip Mr. Howell pulls Japanese Sailor over to him. They dance a rumba-like dance to MUSIC. Gilligan watches them dance. Mr. Howell finally flings the whip behind him.
EXT. LAGOON - DAY
The Japanese Sailor flies through the air into the lagoon, making a cannonball-like splash.
EXT. JAPANESE SAILOR COMPOUND - DAY
Mr. Howell runs to Gilligan at the rock wall.
GILLIGAN
Oh, sir, thank you.
Gilligan kisses the shoulders of Mr. Howell in thanks, as he would to greet a European.
MR HOWELL
Come, let us set the others free. No need to worry them, my boy.
Mr. Howell arrogantly laughs.
END DREAM SEQUENCE.
RIPPLE DISSOLVE TO:
INT. HOWELLS HUT - DAY
Gilligan reads the pages over Mr. Howell's shoulder.
MR HOWELL
I'm sure you remember now, hmmm?
GILLIGAN
You and the Skipper sure don't agree.
Gilligan stands upright.
MR HOWELL
That doesn't matter to me. What is important is I recorded the whole thing for posterity.
GILLIGAN
Thanks for remembering for me.
MR HOWELL
That's all right, Gilligan. Anytime at all, feel free to call on me.
GILLIGAN
Right.
Gilligan turns to exit.
EXT. CAMP - DAY
Gilligan exits the Howells hut and walks to the dining table where Ginger is seated. She has a small notebook in front of her and a pen in her hand. Several loose pages form a pile of pages in front of Ginger.
GILLIGAN
Ginger?
GINGER
Yeah.
GILLIGAN
Can I bother you for a minute?
Gilligan sits down.
GINGER
Of course.
GILLIGAN
Do you remember when the Japanese sailor was here on the island?
GINGER
The Japanese sailor?
GILLIGAN
Yeah.
Ginger thinks for a moment.
GINGER
Oh, that's reel five.
Ginger flips through the pages.
GILLIGAN
You were rescued.
GINGER
No.
(giggles)
No, I rescued you.
GILLIGAN
(sarcastically)
Oh, you remember it, too.
Gilligan rests his head on his arm.
GINGER
You see, you were tied to a tree and I came through the jungle.
RIPPLE DISSOLVE TO:
DREAM SEQUENCE - EXT. JAPANESE SAILOR COMPOUND - DAY
Gilligan is tied to a tree with many loops of thick rope. The Japanese Sailor points his rifle at Gilligan.
GILLIGAN
You know, Japanese sailor, sir, I'm not the only one here on the island.
JAPANESE SAILOR
Ah, but others are captured, too. So now I shoot you.
GILLIGAN
One will get free and rescue me, because that's the American way.
Ginger appears from behind the tree.
GINGER
I will save you, Gilligan!
JAPANESE SAILOR
Ooh--It's American movie star. It's come for the rescue, huh? Oh, that's ridiculous.
GINGER
You think I'm just a movie star, don't you?
GILLIGAN
You mean, behind that greasepaint there's something we don't know about?
GINGER
I'm Secret Agent thirty-seven twenty-five thirty-six.
JAPANESE SAILOR
Thirty-seven twenty-five thirty-six? Oh, mama-san, that's no secret.
GINGER
I am a judo expert.
JAPANESE SAILOR
And I'm good-rooking. Ha! You judo expert? All right, rots of ruck.
GINGER
Holder of the black belt.
GILLIGAN
Hurray!
Ginger reaches behind Gilligan into the crotch of the tree and removes a judo robe.
JAPANESE SAILOR
What the--
Ginger puts the robe on. Gilligan, though loosely tied to the tree, lends a hand and assists Ginger in putting on the robe.
GINGER
Thank you, Gilligan.
The Japanese Sailor helps Ginger adjust the robe too. The Japanese Sailor hands his rifle to Gilligan.
GINGER (cont'd)
(in French)
En garde.
The Japanese Sailor mutters faux Japanese and lunges at Ginger.
SERIES OF SHOTS IN FAST MOTION
Ginger, now barefoot, tosses Japanese Sailor on the ground.
Gilligan winces in sympathetic pain.
The Japanese Sailor kicks at Ginger. She parries and throws him to the ground.
Gilligan winces.
Ginger coifs her hair. Japanese Sailor jumps to his feet and struggles with Ginger.
Ginger tosses him to the ground with a THUD.
Gilligan winces in sympathy.
Japanese Sailor rises to his feet, throws a judo-punch which Ginger dodges, and she tosses him face-first to the ground.
He rises to his knees and Ginger gives him a karate-chop to his back, laying him out.
BACK TO SCENE
GINGER (cont'd)
So much for him.
GILLIGAN
Ginger, I mean, thirty-seven twenty-five thirty-six, you were great.
Ginger puts her shoes back on.
GINGER
Oh, thanks, Gilligan. I've got to free the others. I shall return.
Ginger disappears behind the tree to which Gilligan is still tied.
END DREAM SEQUENCE.
RIPPLE DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. CAMP - DAY
Still seated at the camp dining table with Ginger, Gilligan listens to Ginger's version of the Japanese Sailor rescue story. He rests is head on both hands, one cheek on each.
GILLIGAN
And after you ran off into the jungle, how did I get out of the tree?
GINGER
I haven't gotten to that part yet, Gilligan. Come back in an hour. I'll have it for you.
GILLIGAN
Okay, Ginger. Thanks a lot, Ginger.
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. CAMP - DAY
Mary Ann runs from the jungle to the dining table. Professor and Ginger sit at the dining table. Ginger eats a banana. Mr. Howell and Skipper sit at a small table outside the boys hut. Mrs. Howell stands near them.
MARY ANN
Everybody, look. I found it! I found it!
PROFESSOR
What?
MARY ANN
Well, Gilligan's diary.
GINGER
It can't be. I saw him throw it in the lagoon.
MARY ANN
Well, the tide must have washed it back.
Mr. Howell, Mrs. Howell, and Skipper walk over to the dining table.
MR HOWELL
Let's hear what that miserable wretch has to say about this.
SKIPPER
Hear that, too.
MRS HOWELL
I think you'd better read it, dear.
MARY ANN
All right, just listen to this, Mister Howell.
MARY ANN
reads Gilligan's diary.
MARY ANN (cont'd)
(reads)
I'm on the island with Mr. Thurston Howell the Third. I don't have to say who he is...
MR. AND MRS. HOWELL
MARY ANN (O.S.)
... because he's so rich that everybody knows him. Only, money isn't important to him. He treats me like I'm just as good as he is,...
MARY ANN
MARY ANN
... which shows what a wonderful person he is.
Mary Ann turns the page.
MARY ANN (cont'd)
And his wife, Missus Howell,...
MR. AND MRS. HOWELL
MARY ANN (O.S.)
... when they made up the word "lady" that's who they were talking about.
MARY ANN
MARY ANN
The Skipper, well, he proved what a captain should be.
GINGER AND SKIPPER
MARY ANN (O.S.)
If it wasn't for him, we all would have drowned. He piloted the ship, and he kept us all safe...
MARY ANN
MARY ANN
... and I wouldn't be writing this if it weren't for him.
Mary Ann turns the page.
MARY ANN (cont'd)
And then there's a real live movie star with us. Boy, I'd have been afraid to even ask for her autograph,...
GINGER AND SKIPPER
MARY ANN (O.S.)
... let alone talk to her, but she's just like a real person and everybody loves her because she's so good.
MARY ANN
closes Gilligan's diary.
MARY ANN
Well, there is more. You can all read it if you like.
Mary Ann places the diary on the dining table.
Gilligan emerges from the jungle and walks over to the other castaways.
GILLIGAN
Hi, everybody. Still mad at me?
SKIPPER
Oh, Gilligan, little buddy.
GILLIGAN
Little buddy?
SKIPPER
Whenever has it been anything else?
Skipper puts his arm around Gilligan.
GILLIGAN
A little while ago you told me that--
PROFESSOR
Uh, Skipper, why don't you give Gilligan a chair?
SKIPPER
Of course, Gilligan, sit down.
Gilligan sits down.
MR HOWELL
Gilligan, my boy, I'd like you to accept my humble apologies.
Mr. Howell extends his hand to shake.
GILLIGAN
Oh, you're gonna apologize to me, Mister Howell?
Gilligan shakes his hand.
MR HOWELL
Absolutely.
Ginger hands Gilligan a coconut cup.
GINGER
Would you like some coconut juice, Gilligan?
Gilligan accepts the cup.
GILLIGAN
Thank you.
Gilligan notices his diary sitting on the table.
GILLIGAN (cont'd)
Oh, my diary. Oh.
He pages through it.
GILLIGAN (cont'd)
Gee, I'd like to write all this down in my diary. But I guess it's just a dream.
Gilligan smiles.
FADE OUT.
END OF ACT TWO
TAG
FADE IN:
EXT. CAMP - NIGHT
The Howells emerge from their hut wearing bath robes, walk over to the campfire and toss Mr. Howell's pages in to the fire. They turn and leave as quietly as they came.
Ginger and Mary Ann appear on the other side of campfire. Ginger wears a blanket wrapped around herself and sandals. Mary Ann wears a man's light-colored dress shirt, bows in her hair to form pigtails, and high heels. Ginger tosses her pages into the fire. She watches that they catch fire. The girls leave.
Skipper emerges from the boys hut, walks over the campfire and tosses his pages into the fire. He sits down on a chair.
Gilligan emerges from the boys hut reading a book. Professor stands in the boys hut door, watching Gilligan approach the campfire. Gilligan reaches to toss the book into the fire, but Skipper stops him.
SKIPPER
No, don't!
The other castaways appear out of seemingly nowhere to stop Gilligan from burning that book.
GINGER
Not that one.
MR HOWELL
My boy, that book must be preserved at any cost!
GILLIGAN
I don't understand.
PROFESSOR
What he means, Gilligan, is, uh--Well, we see ourselves as we are and you see us as we would like to be.
GILLIGAN
You got me more mixed up than I was before.
MARY ANN
Oh, let me try. Gilligan, what he's trying to say is that the book means more to us than it does to you.
GILLIGAN
(looks at the book cover)
A Boy Scout's Guide Through New Jersey?
Mary Ann looks puzzled and glances at Skipper.
SKIPPER
We thought it was your diary.
GILLIGAN
Oh, no, I hid that.
Mary Ann smiles. Ginger looks relieved.
SKIPPER
Good.
GILLIGAN
And someday I'll remember where I hid it.
The castaways exchange glances and disperse. Gilligan tosses "A Boy Scout's Guide Through New Jersey" onto the fire. Gilligan moves to the other side of the campfire. He bends down to tend to the fire. "My Diary" is in his back pocket.
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. GILLIGAN'S ISLAND - ESTABLISHING SHOT
FADE OUT.
THE END