Gilligan's Island - s1e29 - Three to Get Ready-updated

TEASER

FADE IN:

EXT. BAIT TRAP - DAY

Professor carries a bamboo cage, a BAIT TRAP, across the lagoon beach to the location of the bait trap on a little peninsula of land on the lagoon. Skipper takes one end of the bait trap and helps Professor set it on the sand. Gilligan digs the bait trap to about knee depth with a shovel.

ZOOM TO PROFESSOR, SKIPPER, AND GILLIGAN

SKIPPER

Gilligan, that's deep enough.

NEW ANGLE

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Gilligan, we're digging a bait trap, not an elephant pit.

Gilligan continues to dig.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

That's enough, Gilligan!

Skipper takes the shovel from Gilligan's hands, but Gilligan continues "digging" and mimes the digging motion.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Gilligan, that is enough.

Professor and Skipper fold their arms across their chests.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Will you stop that?

Gilligan mimes placing the shovel in the sand and leaning on the shovel.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Now get out of there so we can get the sides in there. For goodness' sake.

Gilligan looks down.

GILLIGAN

Hey, Skipper, ...

GILLIGAN'S FEET

Gilligan picks up a cat's-eye jewel that lies between his shoes.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

... look at the shiny stone I found.

BACK TO SCENE

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Look.

Gilligan wipes off the jewel on his shirt.

SKIPPER

Never mind that.

Professor and Skipper move the bait trap into position.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Get out of there, Gilligan.

Gilligan jumps up out of the pit.

GILLIGAN

positions the cat's-eye jewel as a monocle.

GILLIGAN

(English accent)

I say, old chaps, it's a jolly good job you're doing.

SKIPPER

It'd go much faster, Gilligan, if you'd just help.

GILLIGAN

(English accent)

Sorry, old bean, not my line of work you know.

BACK TO SCENE

PROFESSOR

What have you got there, Gilligan?

Gilligan removes the cat's-eye jewel from its monocle position.

GILLIGAN

Half a shooting marble.

Professor takes the cat's-eye jewel from Gilligan, stands, holds it up to the sun and examines it.

PROFESSOR

Hey, I didn't know there were any of these on the island.

SKIPPER

looks more closely at the cat's-eye jewel. He recognizes it and his mouth opens in astonishment.

BACK TO SCENE

Skipper takes the cat's-eye jewel from Professor.

SKIPPER

He found it.

GILLIGAN

Yeah. In the sand.

SKIPPER

He found the Eye of the Idol.

Skipper holds up the cat's-eye jewel to the sun and examines it.

PROFESSOR

What he found, Skipper, is a semi-precious piece of quartz, known to the layman as a cat's-eye.

SKIPPER

Professor, what he found is the Eye of the Idol, Mentuzar. Oh, Gilligan, anybody who finds this between now and sundown has three wishes for anything he wants.

PROFESSOR

Gilligan, it's a cat's-eye worth about eleven dollars.

Skipper hands the cat's-eye jewel back to Gilligan.

SKIPPER

It's worth millions, Gilligan. It's been lost for centuries and the finder gets anything that he wishes for.

PROFESSOR

That's just native superstition.

SKIPPER

Professor, it's not native superstition. I've sailed around these islands for years and the finder gets what he wishes for.

PROFESSOR

He gets eleven dollars.

GILLIGAN

If it's true, I wish for a gallon of ice cream.

PROFESSOR

But it's not true.

SKIPPER

It is.

GILLIGAN

What's that?

Gilligan sees something in the lagoon and exits.

SKIPPER AND PROFESSOR

argue.

PROFESSOR

Skipper, you've been here long enough to know‑‑

Professor and Skipper argue

SKIPPER

I certainly have and I know for a fact whoever finds it‑‑

GILLIGAN

runs to the edge of the lagoon. A cylinder floats in the lagoon near the shore.

SKIPPER (O.S.)

I'm right. You're right most of the time, but I know. I've been in these islands too long.

PROFESSOR (O.S.)

That is superstitious--

SKIPPER (O.S.)

That is the Eye of the Idol.

Gilligan reaches down, pulls the cylinder out of the water and places it on the ground next to him. He straddles the cylinder and removes the lid.

PROFESSOR (O.S.)

That's cat's-eye and they occur naturally in this part of the world.

Gilligan removes the lid from the cylinder.

PROFESSOR (O.S.) (cont'd)

Please. You know it.

SKIPPER (O.S.)

I must know it.

Gilligan swipes his finger in the contents of the cylinder. He places the finger in his mouth.

SKIPPER AND PROFESSOR

PROFESSOR

It's ridiculous!

SKIPPER

It's true!

GILLIGAN

It's chocolate!

SKIPPER AND PROFESSOR

stop arguing and turn to Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

uses a finger to scoop bits of the chocolate ice cream into his mouth.

FADE OUT.

THE END

ACT ONE

FADE IN:

EXT. CAMP - DAY

Gilligan and Skipper enjoy bowls of ice cream. Professor exits the boys hut and joins them. Professor carries a bowl of ice cream too.

PROFESSOR

I repeat, a silly superstition concocted by ignorant savages.

SKIPPER

Well, Professor, I notice it hasn't stopped you from enjoying your ice cream.

PROFESSOR

For which I give thanks to the airplane or the ocean liner which lost it.

GILLIGAN

That's possible, Skipper.

SKIPPER

Oh, trust in me, little buddy. You've only got two wishes left and I don't want you to waste them.

PROFESSOR

Yeah. Don't waste your time, Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

Oh, don't worry, Professor, I won't. I only have till sundown to make the two‑‑

Professor turns from Gilligan.

PROFESSOR

Oh, what's the use?

BACK TO SCENE

Professor walks over to the dining table. Mary Ann, Mrs. Howell, Mr. Howell, and Ginger sit at the dining table and eat ice cream from shallow plates and bowls.

PROFESSOR (cont'd)

Superstition. Silly superstition.

Professor places his empty ice cream bowl on the table and exits into the jungle.

MR HOWELL

Superstition or not, it's a treat I shall long remember.

GINGER

I wish I had three wishes.

MRS HOWELL

I wish we were home.

GINGER

In Hollywood.

MRS HOWELL

In Palm Beach.

MR HOWELL

In Fort Knox.

GILLIGAN AND SKIPPER

SKIPPER

Remember now, Gilligan. The third wish is to get us rescued.

GILLIGAN

Right, Skipper.

SKIPPER

And uh, well, about the second wish, maybe it could be something we could all enjoy.

GILLIGAN

How about a motorcycle? We all could take turns riding it.

SKIPPER

Well, I think that

(pause)

maybe you ought to think in the neighborhood of a million dollars apiece.

GILLIGAN

Oh.

Mr. Howell enters.

MR HOWELL

Where I live, that neighborhood is considered a slum area.

SKIPPER

Ah, well, Mister Howell, I mean, after all, a million dollars is hardly petty cash.

MR HOWELL

It is to me.

GILLIGAN

Okay, Mister Howell, I won't wish for money.

SKIPPER AND MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

Let me tell you something, my boy. There's money, and there's money.

GILLIGAN

looks up at Mr. Howell. He nods like he understands.

SKIPPER AND MR. HOWELL

SKIPPER

Gilligan, will you concentrate?

MR HOWELL

Well, how can the boy concentrate? Everyone's cluttering up his mind. He should be thinking of a mountain of gold.

SKIPPER

Oh, that's all you ever think about is gold.

MR HOWELL

No, sometimes I think of platinum.

GILLIGAN

All I can think about is a motorcycle.

SKIPPER AND MR. HOWELL

SKIPPER

Will you stop mentioning that word "motorcycle"?

GILLIGAN

With a sidecar and a siren.

SKIPPER AND MR. HOWELL

SKIPPER

Gilligan, if I hear motorcycle once more‑‑

GILLIGAN

Gilligan mimics a motorcycle's engine revving up.

BACK TO SCENE

He guns the "engine" and takes off "driving." Gilligan exits into the jungle. Skipper watches the spectacle with his mouth agape.

MR HOWELL

Heavens to Keenan Wynn.

FLIP TO:

EXT. JUNGLE - DAY

Mary Ann tears fibers from a palm frond. Professor beats a palm frond against a tree.

MARY ANN

If we use this to weave material, will it shrink?

PROFESSOR

Oh, not a bit. As a matter of fact, it'll have the strength and consistency of linen.

Professor stops beating the palm frond and tears its fibers.

MARY ANN

Oh, here comes Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

enters while muttering to himself.

GILLIGAN

A stereo outfit with a tweeter and two woofers, a genuine picture of Hoot Gibson, a soda fountain with all the flavors, including sassafras, a genuine Shetland pony‑‑

Gilligan exits.

MARY ANN

There goes Gilligan.

PROFESSOR

Yes, going, going, gone.

MARY ANN

He's just being Gilligan.

FLIP TO:

INT./EXT. BOYS HUT - DAY

Skipper stands at the hut door. He sees Gilligan coming, turns, quickly walks to their small square table, sits down, and begins whittling a small piece of wood with a pocket knife. Gilligan enters and sits down at the table. He rests his head on his hand.

SKIPPER

Why, Gilligan! Imagine bumping into you here.

GILLIGAN

What's the matter? Don't I live here anymore?

SKIPPER

Why, of course you do. Why don't you whittle a while?

Skipper places the pocket knife and piece of wood down onto the table in front of Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

No, Skipper, I got too much on my mind to whittle.

SKIPPER

I bet it's that second wish.

GILLIGAN

I don't know what you bet, but you won.

SKIPPER

What I'm trying to tell you is when things are at their darkest, when you're in trouble, when you need some help, who do you go to?

GILLIGAN

My mother.

SKIPPER

Your mother isn't on the island.

GILLIGAN

Neither is my father.

SKIPPER

Ah, but that's it!

GILLIGAN

What's it?

SKIPPER

We'll pretend that I'm your father. Now, you have a problem. We'll sit down together and solve it.

GILLIGAN

You think it'll work?

SKIPPER

Of course it will.

GILLIGAN

Okay. Skipper. Let's try it.

Gilligan gets up from the table, exits the hut, and then reenters.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Hi, Dad!

Skipper play-acts Gilligan's father.

SKIPPER

Hi, son.

GILLIGAN

Where's your mustache?

SKIPPER

My what?

GILLIGAN

My dad wears a mustache.

SKIPPER

All right, go out and try again.

Gilligan turns and exits. Skipper looks around and sees a broom. He grabs a handful of bristles and holds them under his nose like a mustache. Gilligan reenters the hut. Skipper quickly puts the broom bristles under his nose to form a mustache.

GILLIGAN

Hi, Dad!

SKIPPER

Hi, son. What's on your mind?

GILLIGAN

What's on your lip?

SKIPPER

Gilligan, never mind. Now, what's on your mind, son?

GILLIGAN

Skipper, where are your glasses?

SKIPPER

Your father wore glasses, too?

GILLIGAN

As long as I can remember.

Skipper removes the "mustache" from under his nose.

SKIPPER

All right. Go out, and we'll try it again.

Gilligan exits. Skipper picks up a pair of glasses that conveniently sit on top of nearby crates. Skipper stands and puts the glasses on and places the "mustache" back under his nose. Gilligan re-enters. Gilligan looks Skipper squarely in the chest.

GILLIGAN

Hi, Dad.

SKIPPER

Son, how many times have I told you when you're talking to somebody, look them right in the eye.

GILLIGAN

But, Skipper, my dad was real short. I always looked down at him.

Skipper bends down to meet Gilligan's eye line.

SKIPPER

Well, how's this?

Gilligan expresses amazement.

GILLIGAN

Dad, how'd you get here on the island?

SKIPPER

I've been waiting for you, son.

GILLIGAN

Where have you been? Where's mother?

SKIPPER

Oh, Gilligan!

Skipper removes his cap and tries to strike Gilligan with it. Gilligan runs out the door. Skipper runs to the door, but hits his head. Recovering quickly, Skipper chases after Gilligan.

FLIP TO:

EXT. JUNGLE HAMMOCK - DAY

Gilligan paces and mutters to himself.

GILLIGAN

A red tricycle. No. A blue tricycle? No. A white tricycle? No.

Ginger enters.

GINGER

Hi, Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

A red, white, and blue tricycle. No.

GINGER

I said "hi," Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

I'm working on it, Skipper, I'm working on it.

GINGER

Skipper? Gilligan, I think you better wish for a pair of glasses.

GILLIGAN

Oh, I'm sorry, Ginger. I'm just so upset about this wishing business.

GINGER

Well, of course you can't think if you're tense and nervous. You got to relax.

(takes Gilligan's hand)

Come with me.

Ginger guides Gilligan to a nearby hammock strung between trees.

GINGER (cont'd)

I'll relax you.

GILLIGAN

Okay.

GINGER

Get into the hammock.

GILLIGAN

If you say so.

GINGER

Up you go.

Gilligan climbs into the hammock and slightly loses his balance.

GILLIGAN

Oops.

Gilligan lies back. Ginger kneels next to him.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

(tense)

There. I'm relaxed.

Ginger gently swings the hammock.

GINGER

Now, Gilligan, you have to cooperate.

GILLIGAN

Huh?

Ginger grasps Gilligan's arm and shoulder and shakes them.

GINGER

Just unwind. Let everything go.

GILLIGAN

Okay.

Ginger gently strokes Gilligan's forehead.

GINGER

There. Now just imagine that your body is just floating along and every part of you feels calm. Calm. Calm.

Gilligan falls asleep and his head turns to the side. Ginger realizes Gilligan has fallen asleep.

GINGER (cont'd)

Gilligan?

(gently shakes him)

Gilligan?

Gilligan wakes.

GINGER (cont'd)

Not that relaxed.

GILLIGAN

Oh, I'm sorry. So where was I?

GINGER

You were just about to wish that you were going to become a movie star.

GILLIGAN

I was?

GINGER

Uh-huh. Why not?

GILLIGAN

Yeah, why not?

GINGER

Sure. Just wish that you were Burt Lancaster, Laurence Olivier, Richard Burton, and Cary Grant all rolled into one.

GILLIGAN

You know what I'd be if I was all rolled into one like that?

GINGER

What?

GILLIGAN

Lumpy.

GINGER

No, you wouldn't. You'd be the most sought-after movie star in the whole world.

GILLIGAN

I would?

GINGER

And you know what? You'd have your choice of leading ladies to pick from.

GILLIGAN

Oh, yeah, I would.

GINGER

And who would you pick?

GILLIGAN

You know who.

GINGER

(sultry)

I know, but tell me anyway.

GILLIGAN

(bashfully)

Lassie.

GINGER

Oh, Gilligan, you're terrible!

Ginger stands up and flips the hammock over, rolling Gilligan onto the ground. Gilligan lies face down on the ground.

EXT. JUNGLE HAMMOCK - LATER

Mr. Howell walks by. Gilligan still lies face down on the ground under the hammock. Mr. Howell stops, gets down on this hands and knees to talk with Gilligan.

MR HOWELL

My boy, what are you doing down there?

GILLIGAN

I'm trying to think of the second wish.

Mr. Howell helps Gilligan to his feet.

MR HOWELL

Ho! This is no place to think. Come on, son. Up on your feet.

GILLIGAN

I already tried it that way, Mister Howell.

MR HOWELL

You know, there's only one method to concentrate, and that's yogi.

Mr. Howell guides Gilligan to a nearby palm tree, one that is not supporting the hammock.

GILLIGAN

Yogi? You want me to wish I was a baseball player?

MR HOWELL

No, not Yogi Berra. I'm speaking of mysticism of the Orient. Don't you understand? The land of the swamis. You have got to practice yogi.

GILLIGAN

I wouldn't do that if you made me stand on my head.

MR HOWELL

That's it! That is yogi exactly!

GILLIGAN

No, Mister Howell. Wait‑‑

MR HOWELL

On your head!

GILLIGAN

Mister Howell, I couldn't even stand on my head when I was a kid. I can't do it now.

MR HOWELL

This is no time to argue.

GILLIGAN

Look, Mister Howell, I'm not arguing. I just can't stand on my head.

Mr. Howell helps Gilligan place his head at the base of the tree and flip his legs over his head against the palm tree.

MR HOWELL

Come on. Up, up, and over you go.

MR HOWELL

holds one of Gilligan's legs against the palm tree. He shakes Gilligan's leg.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

I'll bet the ideas are coming into your head a mile a minute, aren't they?

GILLIGAN

stands on his head, upside down.

GILLIGAN

Mister Howell, all I can think of is not falling down.

Mr. Howell shakes Gilligan. The cat's-eye jewel drops from Gilligan's pocket and falls to the ground near Mr. Howell. He places his foot over the cat's-eye jewel to conceal it.

MR HOWELL

Better shake you a little just to make sure that the blood gets to the head.

MR HOWELL

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

Comfy?

GILLIGAN

(strained)

Oh, yeah. Mister Howell, are you sure I'm gonna find the answer this way?

Mr. Howell moves his foot from the cat's-eye jewel, reaches down and picks it up.

MR HOWELL

proudly holds the cat's-eye jewel.

MR HOWELL

You'd be amazed what I can find.

Mr. Howell pats Gilligan's leg.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

Yogi, stay there. Do mysticism.

BACK TO SCENE

Gilligan continues to stand on his head. Mr. Howell joyfully walks away.

FLIP TO:

INT. HOWELLS HUT - DAY

Mrs. Howell stands in front of an open suitcase. Garments drape over the open lid. Mrs. Howell removes the garments from the lid and places them into the suitcase. Mr. Howell enters.

MR HOWELL

Lovey, my dear, make room.

MRS HOWELL

What for?

MR HOWELL

The money.

MRS HOWELL

We haven't got much with us, only have a few hundred thousand.

MR HOWELL

We're gonna take home some more money.

Mr. Howell holds up the cat's-eye jewel. Mrs. Howell exclaims.

MRS HOWELL

The Eye of the Idol. How darling of Gilligan to give it to us!

MR HOWELL

That boy is generous to a fault.

MRS HOWELL

Oh, he's so unselfish. You know, I think for a friend he'd turn himself inside out.

MR HOWELL

And upside down, too, my dear.

Mrs. Howell laughs.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

Lovey, make a little wish.

MRS HOWELL

Oh, I think the holidays with the Prince and Grace would be divine!

MR HOWELL

Better than that, I'll buy their little country! Now come with me. We'll make a giant wish.

Mr. Howell guides Mrs. Howell to a small nearby table on which sits a flower pot made from a gourd. Mr. Howell hands the flowerpot to Mrs. Howell.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

Here we are. Take the flowers.

Mr. Howell looks up. Mrs. Howell looks up too.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

I wish for twenty billion dollars in the giant economy-sized package.

They glance down at the empty table.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

Perhaps they had to send for it from the Federal Reserve Bank.

MRS HOWELL

Well, Darling, if Gilligan's gonna wish us off the island by evening,

(speaks upward)

we're not going to have time to wait.

MR HOWELL

Lovey, you're right as usual. I'll make it easier for them.

(speaks upward)

Cancel that order for twenty billion. Make it ten billion.

They look down at the still-empty table. Mr. Howell shakes his head. He speaks upward again. Mrs. Howell looks upward too.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

Five billion.

Mr. Howell and Mrs. Howell look down at the empty table. He speaks upward again, but in a disappointed tone. Mrs. Howell follows his lead.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

A hundred thousand.

Mr. Howell looks down at the empty table. Resigned to not having his wish fulfilled, he meekly speaks upward.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

Dollar and a quarter?

Mrs. Howell glanced upward. Mr. Howell glances down briefly.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

Trading stamps?

Mrs. Howell looks upward and then at Mr. Howell.

MRS HOWELL

Maybe they can't find the money. We'd better lend it to them.

MR HOWELL

No, I've been duped. I've been taken by that pink-cheeked bumpkin.

MRS HOWELL

Yes, and we were all so nice to him.

MR HOWELL

Well, that's the last time, believe me. I'll never pull anything sneaky on that boy again. Put the flowers back.

Mrs. Howell places the flowers back on the table. She looks up and purses her lips, making a disappointed face, an "Oh, you" face.

FLIP TO:

EXT. JUNGLE HAMMOCK - DAY

Gilligan stands on his head, leaning against the palm tree, just as Mr. Howell left him. Skipper enters and walks past Gilligan.

SKIPPER

Gilligan.

Correctly thinking that Gilligan is being Gilligan, Skipper makes an exasperated expression and stops. He turns to Gilligan, and then back for an aside glance.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Gilligan, all you're going to get out of that is a headache.

Gilligan pulls his legs down and stands right-side up.

GILLIGAN

Oh, I'm way past that, Skipper.

Mr. Howell enters and throws the cat's-eye jewel at Gilligan's feet.

MR HOWELL

Bah humbug on your magic powers, indeed.

GILLIGAN

Huh?

Gilligan picks up the cat's-eye jewel.

SKIPPER

You took the Eye of the Idol?

MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

Merely to test and to prove it's nothing at all.

GILLIGAN AND SKIPPER

SKIPPER

Mister Howell, you just don't understand. Gilligan's the one that found it, and he's the only one that can make it work.

MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

That was mumbo jumbo. There's nothing to it.

GILLIGAN AND SKIPPER

GILLIGAN

My first wish came true.

MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

Well, it was easily explained by the Professor. I should've remembered before I tried it.

BACK TO SCENE

SKIPPER

Mister Howell, these things only work one way.

MR HOWELL

Oh, certainly, with a full moon over your left shoulder, with Mars in conjunction with the North Star, with the hind leg of a horned toad in your pocket.

GILLIGAN

Oh, no-no, Mister Howell. All you do is just stand there and say,

(holds out the cat's-eye stone in his fist)

"I wish I had a gallon of vanilla ice cream."

SKIPPER

That's exactly right.

GILLIGAN

Yeah.

MR HOWELL

It isn't even raining vanilla, strawberry, or tutti-frutti.

GILLIGAN AND SKIPPER

SKIPPER

Gilligan, do you realize what you've done?

GILLIGAN

No, wha-wha-what?

SKIPPER

Your second wish, vanilla ice cream.

GILLIGAN

I wished for vanilla ice cream?

BACK TO SCENE

MR HOWELL

Might as well make it French vanilla.

Mary Ann enters carrying a cylinder of ice cream.

MARY ANN

Gilligan, look what just came in floating in the lagoon again.

Mary Ann hands the container to Gilligan. Gilligan opens it. He sticks a finger in the ice cream to scoop some ice cream up and then puts his finger in his mouth.

GILLIGAN

Does French vanilla taste kind of smooth and creamy?

MR. HOWELL AND MARY ANN

Mr. Howell sticks a finger into the ice cream and then tastes it.

MR HOWELL

And rich and full-bodied?

GILLIGAN AND SKIPPER

Gilligan sticks a finger into the ice cream again and tastes it. He nods.

GILLIGAN

French vanilla.

MR. HOWELL AND MARY ANN

MR HOWELL

Egad! It works!

GILLIGAN AND SKIPPER

SKIPPER

Now are you satisfied?

GILLIGAN

You know what would taste great with this? Caramel sauce. I wish I had some‑‑

Skipper places his hand over Gilligan's mouth, preventing him from uttering his third and final wish.

SKIPPER

Gilligan, your third wish. Don't express another wish. It'll be your third one.

Skipper removes his hand from Gilligan's mouth.

GILLIGAN

But I was only gonna wish for some‑‑

BACK TO SCENE

Skipper places his hand over Gilligan's mouth again.

SKIPPER

(shouts)

Everybody, we're leaving!

MR HOWELL

Lovey, start packing again!

Mr. Howell exits.

MARY ANN

Ginger, we're going home!

Mary Ann exits.

SKIPPER

(shouts)

Meet us in the hut area!

(to Gilligan)

Come on, Gilligan.

Skipper keeps his hand over Gilligan's mouth and they exit.

FADE OUT.

END OF ACT ONE

ACT TWO

FADE IN:

EXT. CAMP - DAY

PROFESSOR

enters and joins Mary Ann, Mrs. Howell, Mr. Howell, Skipper, and Ginger as they stand next to suitcases containing their worldly belongings.

PROFESSOR

And just how is this miracle to take place? You planning to leave by magic carpet?

MR HOWELL

Well, I must say the ice cream gave the legend added weight.

MRS HOWELL

Not only the legend, darling.

Mrs. Howell taps the back of her hand to Mr. Howell's stomach. Mr. Howell places both hands on his stomach briefly to show that he has a belly.

MR HOWELL

Oh, yes. When I get back to the old health club, three times around the track, sauna bath, I'll be my usual self.

PROFESSOR

Mister Howell, in a few minutes, you'll be back in your usual hut.

MARY ANN

Oh, I do wish you'd come with us, Professor.

PROFESSOR

Mary Ann, you're not going anywhere.

SKIPPER

None of us are if Gilligan doesn't get here.

PROFESSOR

You know that ice cream was dropped from an airplane.

SKIPPER

We'll send the same one back for you, Professor.

MR HOWELL

Touché, Skipper.

Mrs. Howell points to the entering Gilligan.

MRS HOWELL

There's Gilligan!

Gilligan walks in from the jungle and enters camp. Gilligan carries an oyster half-shell in one hand. In it are bird eggs. In his other hand are colorful rocks.

PROFESSOR

Well, well, if it isn't Merlin the Magician.

GILLIGAN

No, it isn't, Professor. It's me, Gilligan.

MARY ANN

What have you got there, Gilligan?

GILLIGAN

Souvenirs. I got these nifty rocks, and this swell ashtray, and swell bird eggs. And look at how the circles go around. You see that? They go round, and round, and‑‑

SKIPPER

Gilligan, that's all very interesting. But when are you gonna get us off the island?

GILLIGAN

Oh, right now, Skipper. I just gotta reach in my pocket and get the‑‑

(puts hand in pocket)

reach in my pocket-- Oh, Skipper, I think I've got a hole in my pocket.

SKIPPER

Good thinking, Gilligan!

GINGER

Oh, the Eye of the Idol. You couldn't have lost it, Gilligan, did you?

GILLIGAN

Oh, yes, I did.

SKIPPER

When was the last time that you saw it?

Gilligan removes his hand from his pocket.

GILLIGAN

Let's see--I could've lost it in the cave where I got these nifty rocks, or by the tree where I got the swell eggs, or down in the oyster bed where I got this dandy ashtray, or maybe I lost it in the hut.

MR HOWELL

Well, that certainly narrows down the possibilities.

SKIPPER

We've got to find it before sundown.

MARY ANN

Ooh, it's almost an hour.

SKIPPER

Ginger, you and the Professor, you take the cave where he got those nifty rocks. Mister and Missus Howell, you take the oyster bed where he got that dandy shell. And Mary Ann, you and I will take the tree where he found those swell bird eggs.

GILLIGAN

Oh, Skipper, Skipper--what should I take?

SKIPPER

Oh, there's too many things to mention for you to take, so why don't you just search the hut?

GILLIGAN

Okay, Skipper.

SKIPPER

And don't get yourself lost like you did that jewel.

GILLIGAN

That's impossible, Skipper. I'm too big to fit inside my pocket.

SKIPPER

Come on, Mary Ann.

FLIP TO:

EXT. OYSTER BED - DAY

Mr. Howell and Mrs. Howell walk toward a pile of oyster shells.

MRS HOWELL

Thurston, I protest.

MR HOWELL

But, darling, you have to look through the oysters.

MRS HOWELL

Oh, to think that we've stooped to manual labor.

MR HOWELL

(in French)

Au contraire.
We're the only people wealthy enough to be entrusted to such an assignment.

MRS HOWELL

Wealthy enough?

MR HOWELL

After all, they are called Oysters Rockefeller.

MRS HOWELL

Oh, darling, you're so witty.

FLIP TO:

EXT. BIRD TREE - DAY

HIGH ANGLE

on Skipper and Mary Ann. A bird's nest sits on a branch of a tree high over their heads.

MARY ANN

There's the tree with the nest, Skipper.

CRANE DOWN TO GROUND LEVEL

Skipper and Mary Ann look on the ground while searching for the cat's-eye jewel.

SKIPPER

That does it, Mary Ann. We've covered every inch.

MARY ANN

But we can't give up now.

(looks up)

Say, maybe it's lodged in the tree.

Skipper looks up too.

SKIPPER

That nest is quite a ways up, but if Gilligan got up there, anybody can.

FLIP TO:

EXT. CAMP - DAY

Gilligan searches for the cat's-eye jewel by crawling along the ground. He mutters to himself. Gilligan crawls under the dining table.

GILLIGAN

Eye of the Idol. Oh, Eye of the Idol. Eye of the Idol. Where are you? Eye of the Idol. Eye--

Gilligan bumps his head on a bench.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Ow.

Gilligan bumps his head on the underside of the dining table.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Oh.

Gilligan continues his search for the cat's-eye jewel.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Eye of the Idol. Oh, Eye of the Idol.

Gilligan seems something in the sand and picks up a small rock. He looks at the rock and tosses it aside.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Oh, no.

FLIP TO:

EXT. OYSTER BED - DAY

Mr. Howell and Mrs. Howell look through the oyster shells. Mrs. Howell uses her lorgnette to examine each shell. She picks up one shell and uses the lorgnette to pry apart the oyster. She rolls a pearl out into her hand. She holds up the pearl.

MRS HOWELL

Oh! Look, everybody, a pearl!

MR HOWELL

Oh! Look, nobody.

Mr. Howell takes the pearl from Mrs. Howell. He removes a jeweler's loupe and examines it.

MRS HOWELL

Oh, darling, I need some new pearls.

(indicates pearl necklace)

These are last year's.

MR HOWELL

It's flawless, Lovey.

Mr. Howell removes a tiny bag strung around his neck and places the pearl inside.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

Ah, the old Howell luck is certainly carrying on.

FLIP TO:

INT. CAVE ENTRANCE - DAY

CAVE ENTRANCE

looks large enough for a man to crawl into.

PULL BACK

to Professor standing with Ginger at the mouth of the tiny cave entrance. Professor's arms are folded across his chest.

PROFESSOR

I refuse.

GINGER

You're just being stubborn.

PROFESSOR

What I'm being is sensible.

GINGER

All right, I'll do it.

Ginger turns to the cave entrance, but Professor stops her.

PROFESSOR

Ginger, you are hardly dressed for spelunking.

GINGER

Professor, what you said.

PROFESSOR

A spelunker is a person whose hobby is speleology. In other words, poking around in caves.

GINGER

Oh.

PROFESSOR

However, if it'll make you happy, I'll crawl in there and take a look around.

GINGER

Are you gonna do it with a positive attitude?

PROFESSOR

What possible difference could my attitude make?

GINGER

Well, all the difference in the world. Attitude is one of the key words in method acting.

PROFESSOR

Ginger, all I'm doing is looking for eleven dollars' worth of quartz.

GINGER

Well, to get into the mood, you've got to think mole.

PROFESSOR

I've got to think what?

GINGER

Mole, like this.

Ginger looks up, makes a sad face, and places her hands in front of her as if they were paws.

GINGER (cont'd)

Now you try it.

PROFESSOR

All right.

Professor mimics Ginger's "mole."

GINGER

Definitely not mole. Looks more like a gopher to me.

PROFESSOR

Gopher?

GINGER

It's your eyes.

PROFESSOR

My eyes?

GINGER

Yeah. They're not sad enough. Moles have sad eyes.

PROFESSOR

Oh.

Professor mimics Ginger's "mole" again, but adds a ducking motion.

GINGER

What are you doing now?

PROFESSOR

I'm making sure a hawk doesn't swoop down and carry me off.

Professor stops the ducking motion.

GINGER

Everything's going to be all right. Just think mole.

Ginger plays "mole."

PROFESSOR

All right, just think mole. Just think mole.

Professor mimics Ginger's "mole" and crouches down and enters the cave.

PROFESSOR (cont'd)

Just think mole. Just think--

FLIP TO:

EXT. BIRD TREE - DAY

HIGH ANGLE

Mary Ann and Gilligan watch Skipper climb out onto the branch with the bird's nest.

BACK TO SCENE

MARY ANN

He's almost there.

GILLIGAN

Yeah.

MARY ANN

Oh, easy does it, Skipper.

HIGH ANGLE

Skipper crawls close enough to reach the bird's nest. He tips it toward him and sees there are no eggs inside.

SKIPPER

It's empty!

BACK TO SCENE

GILLIGAN

(shouts to Skipper)

You know why?

SKIPPER

in tree.

SKIPPER

No. Why, Gilligan?

BACK TO SCENE

GILLIGAN

(shouts to Skipper)

Because that's a weak branch. You see, birds are real smart.

HIGH ANGLE

on Skipper as branch breaks.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

(shouts to Skipper)

They don't build nests on weak branches because they're liable to‑‑

BACK TO SCENE

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Timber!

Mary Ann and Gilligan wince at Skipper falling.

SKIPPER

lies on the ground, covered in debris, and holds his cap in his hand. Skipper gives an aside glance and puts his cap on.

FLIP TO:

EXT. OYSTER BED - DAY

Mrs. Howell sits before the pile of oyster shells. She examines them and tosses them behind her. Mr. Howell enters with another bucket of oyster shells. His pant lets are rolled up to the knees and the lower part of his pants are wet. He dumps the bucket in front of Mrs. Howell.

MR HOWELL

Lovey, I have come to a definite decision.

MRS HOWELL

Yes, dear?

MR HOWELL

We are definitely going to sell our house in Oyster Bay.

MRS HOWELL

Yes, dear.

FLIP TO:

EXT. CAVE ENTRANCE - DAY

Professor crawls out of the cave entrance. Ginger crouches down.

GINGER

Oh, any luck?

Professor pulls himself out and turns to Ginger.

PROFESSOR

Not yet.

GINGER

Oh. What happened to your head?

PROFESSOR

has a head wound.

PROFESSOR

I bumped it on the wall. This cave is dark in there.

GINGER

Oh. Forget about thinking mole. Think bat.

PROFESSOR

"Think bat"?

BACK TO SCENE

Ginger flaps her hands in a gentle, bat-like motion.

GINGER

Think bat.

PROFESSOR

Think bat.

Professor flaps his hands and crawls backward back into the cave.

FLIP TO:

EXT. JUNGLE - DAY

Gilligan reaches out and takes a banana from a large bunch of bananas. He partially peels the banana, breaks off a piece of flesh, and tosses the piece over his shoulder. Gilligan fully peels the banana. Gilligan jiggles the remaining piece of flesh and it falls to the ground. Gilligan examines the banana peel. Not finding what he looks for, he tosses the banana peel aside. Gilligan picks another banana.

PAN TO SKIPPER AND MARY ANN

who have been watching Gilligan. Skipper gives an aside glance. Mary Ann looks at Skipper. Skipper shakes his head. Mary Ann looks skeptically at Gilligan.

SKIPPER

Gilligan, not even you could lose a jewel inside a banana.

GILLIGAN

You never can tell.

SKIPPER AND MARY ANN

SKIPPER

I can tell. Now, give me that!

Skipper reaches for the banana held by Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

holds out the banana. Skipper grabs the banana flesh and squeezes it.

SKIPPER AND MARY ANN

MARY ANN

Gilligan, this isn't the time for an afternoon snack.

Annoyed by having mashed the banana flesh in his hand, Skipper flicks the banana remnant on the ground.

MARY ANN (cont'd)

We have to find the Eye of the Idol.

SKIPPER

It's almost sundown.

GILLIGAN

How about the waterfall?

SKIPPER AND MARY ANN

MARY ANN

Were you there before the cave?

GILLIGAN

Nope.

MARY ANN (O.S.)

After the oyster bed?

GILLIGAN

Nope.

SKIPPER AND MARY ANN

MARY ANN

When were you there?

GILLIGAN

Last Saturday. Remember, Skipper? It was kind of hot...

SKIPPER AND MARY ANN

GILLIGAN (O.S.)

... and I thought I'd go in the waterfall and take a shower. Remember?

GINGER (O.S.)

I found it! I found it!

GILLIGAN

looks toward Ginger voice.

GINGER (O.S.) (cont'd)

I found it!

SKIPPER AND MARY ANN

SKIPPER

That's Ginger! Come on.

They move to find Ginger.

EXT. CAVE ENTRANCE - DAY

Gilligan, Skipper, and Mary Ann run through the jungle to the cave entrance where Ginger stands holding the cat's-eye jewel. Professor stands next to her. His palms are placed over his ears and he weakly flaps his elbows like a bat.

GILLIGAN

Oh! Hey, what's wrong with you?

PROFESSOR

I am a bat.

GILLIGAN

You look more like a gopher with a earache.

SKIPPER

Never mind him. Where is it?

Ginger holds the cat's-eye jewel in her hand.

GINGER

Here it is. I got it.

Gilligan takes it from her.

MARY ANN

Oh, she found it, Gilligan!

Gilligan places the cat's-eye jewel over his eye like it's a monocle.

GILLIGAN

(English accent)

Oh, by Jove, I think she found it.

SKIPPER

Mary Ann, you and the Professor and Ginger go down to the lagoon. We'll tell the others.

Gilligan allows the cat's-eye to drop from his eye to his hand.

MARY ANN

Okay.

Mary Ann exits.

GINGER

See you later.

Ginger exits and follows Mary Ann. Professor follows them.

SKIPPER

Oh, Gilligan, please now, don't lose it this time.

GILLIGAN

You can count on me, Skipper.

Gilligan puts the cat's-eye jewel in his right front pants pocket.

GILLIGAN'S PANT CUFFS AND SHOES

The cat's-eye jewel falls from Gilligan's pant leg onto the ground between his feet. Gilligan steps away.

BACK TO SCENE

Skipper looks down at the ground and sees the cat's-key jewel.

SKIPPER

Gilligan.

Skipper points to the cat's-eye jewel on the ground.

GILLIGAN

Oh.

Gilligan picks up the cat's-eye jewel.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

It's the other eye, Skipper. It's the other Eye of the Idol! Oh boy, I get three more wishes! Oh boy!

SKIPPER

Gilligan, you've not only got a hole in your head, you've got a hole in your pocket! Put it in the other pocket!

GILLIGAN

Oh yeah, you're right. Okay, Skipper.

Gilligan puts the cat's-eye jewel in his left front pants pocket. Skipper gives an aside glance.

FLIP TO:

EXT. OYSTER BED - DAY

A huge pile of oyster shells has accumulated from the work of Mr. Howell and Mrs. Howell. Gilligan enters.

GILLIGAN

Mister and Missus Howell?

MRS HOWELL

(muffled)

In here, Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

Where?

MRS HOWELL

(muffled)

In here.

Gilligan picks oyster shells at the edge of the huge pile of oyster shells. Mr. Howell enters carrying a bucket of oysters. His pants are rolled up to his knees. His pants legs are wet. Mr. Howell wears a small bag around his neck. It appears to be more full than when he put the first pearl they found into it.

MR HOWELL

Ah, there you are, Gilligan, my boy.

Mr. Howell empties his bucket onto the huge pile of oyster shells and then tosses the bucket aside.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

Any luck?

GILLIGAN

Oh, yeah, yeah. Ginger found it. See?

Gilligan shows Mr. Howell the cat's-eye jewel.

MR HOWELL

Well, it figures it wouldn't be among the oysters.

GILLIGAN

Well, it could have been.

MR HOWELL

No, it's impossible. This is July. There isn't any "R" in it.

GILLIGAN

Oh, I never thought of that. Where's Missus Howell?

MR HOWELL

She's in there--Heaven's to Fulton's Fish Market, I've buried her!

Mr. Howell moves to the huge pile of oyster shells and removes shells.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

Lovey! Lovey, where are you?

Mrs. Howell pops out of the huge oyster shell pile.

MRS HOWELL

Here I am.

MR HOWELL

A thousand pardons, my dear.

MRS HOWELL

Oh, to think I spent five years learning to like these things. And now! Ish.

FLIP TO:

EXT. BAIT TRAP - DUSK

Professor stands with his arms folded across his chest. His forehead has a large bruise he received from bumping his head in the cave. The other castaways stand together with their luggage and souvenirs.

SKIPPER (O.S.)

All set, Gilligan?

MR HOWELL (O.S.)

Yeah, b--but what about him?

REVERSE ANGLE

SKIPPER

If he doesn't want to come, he doesn't have to.

GILLIGAN

Last chance, Professor.

PROFESSOR

(French)

Bon Voyage.

SKIPPER

Well, come on, Gilligan.

Gilligan reaches into his right front pants pocket.

GILLIGAN

Yeah.

SKIPPER

Not in that pocket. That one has a hole in it, remember?

GILLIGAN

Yeah.

Gilligan reaches into his left front pants pocket, but doesn't find the cat's-eye jewel in that pocket either. Gilligan's face falls. Skipper realizes that Gilligan has lost the cat's-eye jewel again.

SKIPPER

No, Gilligan, don't say it. Don't say you've lost it again.

GILLIGAN

Okay. I won't say it.

MARY ANN

Gilligan, how could you?

GILLIGAN

It was easy. I just put it in the other pocket and it fell through the other hole.

GINGER

Yeah, he could do it that way.

MR HOWELL

Rescue or no rescue, I'm not gonna shuck another oyster.

GILLIGAN

I know I had it when I was over at the Howells'.

SKIPPER

Well, then it's got to be between here and the oyster bed.

GILLIGAN

That's reasonable.

SKIPPER

I'm glad you agree.

MRS HOWELL

We're never gonna find that little jewel in all this sand.

GILLIGAN

Sure we will. Sure we will. Just take off your shoes

(removes his right shoe)

and walk in a straight line and

(removes his left shoe)

somebody's bound to step on it. Here, hold these, Skipper. Here. Come on, Skipper.

(gives shoes to Skipper)

Take your shoes off. You've got big feet.

Skipper looks in Gilligan's shoes and find the cat's-eye jewel in Gilligan's left shoe. He holds it out for Gilligan to see.

SKIPPER

Little buddy? Gilligan, look!

GILLIGAN

Oh, you found it real fast!

SKIPPER

Now put your hand out.

Skipper puts the cat's-eye jewel in Gilligan's palm.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Now make a fist.

Skipper drops Gilligan's shoes onto the ground.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Now start wishing.

MARY ANN

I'm not going.

MR HOWELL

After I reserved first-class passage for seven people?

MARY ANN

It's not fair to leave the Professor here by himself. Excuse me.

Mary Ann moves over near Professor.

MRS HOWELL

But you can't stay alone with him. It's not proper.

(to Mr. Howell)

Thurston, they need a chaperone.

MR HOWELL

Darling, they're going to miss you at the horse show.

MRS HOWELL

Not me, you!

Mrs. Howell pushes Mr. Howell toward Mary Ann and Professor.

MR HOWELL

Oh, Lovey.

Mrs. Howell pushes Mr. Howell to join Professor and Mary Ann.

SKIPPER

Please, the sun is starting to go down.

MARY ANN

Oh, bye!

GINGER

Oh, please come with us, Professor, please.

PROFESSOR

But you're not going anywhere.

MR HOWELL

Well, we were until you started in to be a party-pooper.

MRS HOWELL

(tearfully)

I'm not going to go. I'm going to stay with my Thurston!

MR HOWELL

Oh, that's the old pioneer spirit, my dear.

SKIPPER

(pleading to Gilligan)

Please, now! The sun is going down. Make your wish!

GILLIGAN

I can't, Skipper. I can't leave the Professor and Mary Ann and the Howells here.

GINGER

Oh, count me out, too. Hollywood would just have to do without me.

PROFESSOR

All right. All right, I give in, but on one condition.

SKIPPER

Anything, Professor, anything. Just name it.

PROFESSOR

If I try it, will you forget about this nonsense?

MARY ANN

Oh, yes.

PROFESSOR

All right.

The castaways all gather together.

GILLIGAN

Come on. Everybody get together. Everybody get together. Come on.

SKIPPER

All right, Gilligan, go!

Gilligan holds the cat's-eye jewel in his right hand. He stretches out his arm and makes his third and final wish.

GILLIGAN

I wish we were off this island!

The tiny peninsula on which the castaways stood breaks off from the island and floats into the middle of the lagoon. It has formed its own island.

SKIPPER

Gilligan, you did it again! You got us off the island and into the middle of the lagoon!

GILLIGAN

Maybe I should have said Hawaii.

SKIPPER

I wish you had said Hawaii.

Gilligan stretches out his arm and a desperate attempt at another wish.

GILLIGAN

I wish we were in Hawaii!

SKIPPER

Not now, Gilligan, you've already made your third wish.

Keeping his arm outstretched, Gilligan wishes repeatedly.

GILLIGAN

I wish we were in Los Angeles. I wish we were in Chicago. I wish were in New York. I wish--

Skipper hits Gilligan over the head with his cap. Gilligan falls off the island into the lagoon.

FADE OUT.

END OF ACT TWO

TAG

EXT. CAMP - DAY

CRANE DOWN FROM HIGH ANGLE

on castaways sitting at the dining table.

MR HOWELL

As the wealthiest man on this island, Gilligan, I would. Just forget it, will you?

PROFESSOR

You know, digging that bait trap loosened that little peninsula of land and floated us out into the lagoon.

SKIPPER

You have no faith, Professor.

PROFESSOR

Not in fantasy or wishes.

GILLIGAN

Everybody's mad at me, huh?

MR HOWELL

Oh, not mad, exactly. We just felt that you let us down, into the lagoon, as a matter of fact.

GINGER

It wasn't your fault, Gilligan.

MARY ANN

Of course not. You did what the Skipper asked you to do. He told you to wish us off the island and you wished us off the island.

SKIPPER

I didn't say into the lagoon.

GILLIGAN

You know whose fault it really is? This.

Gilligan holds up the cat's-eye jewel.

MRS HOWELL

You know, Gilligan, I never did think that semi-precious stones did a thing for you.

GILLIGAN

It's not gonna cause me any more trouble.

Gilligan winds up and feigns tossing the cat's-eye jewel into the nearby jungle. The other castaways turn to look at the jungle.

SKIPPER

That's a great idea, Gilligan, but it's a waste of energy. You already had your three wishes.

GILLIGAN

Well, I hope whoever finds it has better luck with it than I did.

SKIPPER

Hey, that's right. Whoever finds it next gets three wishes.

Skipper laughs.

MR HOWELL

Lovey!

GINGER

Well, come on!

Mary Ann, Ginger, Skipper, and the Howells exit into the jungle. Professor stands.

PROFESSOR

See you later, Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

Professor, I didn't think you believed in that wishing stuff.

PROFESSOR

Oh, I don't. It's completely unscientific, absolutely absurd, violates every rule of common sense, and is completely contrary to the rules of logic and intelligence, but just in case.

Professor winks at Gilligan and exits.

GILLIGAN

smiles and holds up the cat's-eye jewel. He faked throwing it to into the jungle. Gilligan places it over his eye like a monocle.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. GILLIGAN'S ISLAND - ESTABLISHING SHOT - DAY

FADE OUT.

THE END