TEASER

FADE IN:

EXT. GILLIGAN'S ISLAND - ESTABLISHING SHOT - DAY

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. CAMP - DAY

SKIPPER and MR. HOWELL race turtles. The turtles are labeled "S" for Skipper's turtle and "H" for Mr. Howell's turtle. PROFESSOR, MARY ANN, and GINGER cheer on the turtles.

PUSH IN

HOWELL TURTLE

SKIPPER (O.S.)

Come on! Sprint!

MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

Come on, Howell! You come from a long line of winners, the Howell silks.

HOWELL TURTLE

MR HOWELL (O.S.)

Now, cross that line, baby!

SKIPPER (O.S.)

Move!

TURTLES

The Howell turtle faces the finish line, but the Skipper turtle appears uncertain which direction to go. It faces the bamboo guides.

GILLIGAN (O.S.)

Come on! Run!

SKIPPER TURTLE

appears to inch along the bamboo guides.

MARY ANN, GILLIGAN, AND SKIPPER

SKIPPER

This is a race, you idiot. Move!

SKIPPER TURTLE

inches along the bamboo guide, in the wrong direction.

HOWELL TURTLE - LOW ANGLE

The Howell turtle crosses the finish line.

MR HOWELL (O.S.)

All the way, baby.

MR HOWELL'S FEET

Mr. Howell reaches down and picks up his turtle at the finish line.

MR HOWELL (O.S.) (cont'd)

All the way. That was a marvelous race!

GILLIGAN, SKIPPER, MR. HOWELL, MRS. HOWELL, AND GINGER

Mr. Howell crouches down to pick up his turtle. Mrs. Howell and Ginger clap. GILLIGAN picks up Skipper's turtle.

MR HOWELL

See you later, Lovey darling.

Mrs. Howell and Ginger exit.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

That was a wonderful race. Congratulations, Skipper.

GILLIGAN

You did it again, Skipper.

SKIPPER

Did what again?

GILLIGAN

Lost for the thirty-eighth time.

MR HOWELL

No, no, no, thirty-ninth time. You see, I'm keeping track. No hard feelings, I hope, Skipper.

Mr. Howell and Gilligan return the turtles to their respective bamboo pens.

SKIPPER

Naturally not, Howell. I mean, it's a pleasure losing to you. I lie awake nights to figure out how to make it easier for you.

GILLIGAN

That's why you keep losing? I thought Mister Howell's turtle was‑‑

MR HOWELL

Well, w‑‑we'll have a race day after tomorrow, is that all right with you?

SKIPPER AND GILLIGAN

GILLIGAN

You're gonna race again?

SKIPPER

No!

Skipper folds his arms across his chest.

MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

"No!" No? That doesn't sound like the Skipper we know and love, does it, Gilligan?

SKIPPER AND GILLIGAN

GILLIGAN

Yes, it does. He always gets grumpy when he doesn't win.

Skipper unfolds his arms.

MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

You're not giving up after thirty-nine tries, are you, Skipper?

SKIPPER AND GILLIGAN

SKIPPER

I'll never give up, Howell. In fact, I'll beat you yet. It's just that I haven't got anything left to wager. You've won it all.

GILLIGAN

That's right. Your sneakers, binoculars, compass, all that stuff.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Thanks for the itemized list, Gilligan.

MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

Well, of course, you're overlooking one prize. Missus Howell has done a magnificent job of roughing it out here. But back home, let's face it, she does have a downstairs maid, upstairs maid, a butler, chauffeur, all kinds of services. Would you believe that even‑‑even here, she has me looking for a houseboy?

SKIPPER AND GILLIGAN

GILLIGAN

A houseboy?

MR HOWELL (O.S.)

But where ...

MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

... on this island would one find a houseboy?

Mr. Howell looks at Gilligan.

SKIPPER AND GILLIGAN

Skipper looks at Gilligan. Gilligan realizes Mr. Howell is talking about him. Gilligan's eyes meet Skipper's eyes. Skipper and Gilligan both look back at Mr. Howell.

MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

Skipper, I'll bet you my sixty-foot yacht against Gilligan's service as a houseboy until such time as we leave the island.

SKIPPER AND GILLIGAN

Skipper raises his arm defiantly!

SKIPPER

Never! You can bet the Queen Mary, and I'll never do it!

MR HOWELL (O.S.)

And I'll ...

MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

... pay him the same wages as you do.

SKIPPER AND GILLIGAN

Skipper puts his arm around Gilligan.

SKIPPER

No, you won't, Howell. Nobody's gonna underpay my little buddy, except me.

Skipper pats Gilligan on the shoulder.

GILLIGAN

You're all heart, Skipper.

Skipper and Gilligan look at each other.

FADE OUT.

END OF TEASER

ACT ONE

FADE IN:

EXT. GILLIGAN'S ISLAND - ESTABLISHING SHOT - DAY

EXT. CAMP - DAY

SKIPPER

walks into camp from the jungle path. Two long bamboo poles lay on the ground. Skipper steps over them. He approaches Gilligan. Gilligan places some vegetation in Skipper's turtle's pen. He holds a carrot.

SKIPPER

What are you doing, Gilligan?

GILLIGAN

Putting hay in the stable.

SKIPPER

Hay in the stable?

GILLIGAN

I know it's only a turtle, but after thirty-nine races, he must be beginning to feel like a horse.

GILLIGAN AND SKIPPER

SKIPPER

Well, as far as Mister Howell's is concerned, yes. But mine‑‑you can put mine out to pasture.

GILLIGAN

He likes it here. Don't you, Rex?

SKIPPER

Rex?

NEW ANGLE

GILLIGAN

Yeah. He reminds me of a friend I once knew, Rex Stonecipher.

GILLIGAN AND SKIPPER

Skipper folds his arms across his chest.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

See, Skipper, he knows me.

Skipper unfolds his arms.

SKIPPER

Never mind that, Gilligan. Get rid of him and get me a faster turtle.

PULL BACK

GILLIGAN

I thought you were through racing.

SKIPPER

I'm through losing.

Gilligan lifts Skipper's turtle out of the pen and places him down on the ground.

GILLIGAN

Come on, Rex. Here you go, boy. Bye-bye.

Gilligan nibbles on his carrot.

TURTLE

races toward Gilligan.

SKIPPER (O.S.)

Look at him. For thirty-nine races he ran in one spot.

SKIPPER AND GILLIGAN

SKIPPER

Now he's moving like he's going someplace in a hurry.

(pause)

Hey, give me that carrot.

Skipper tries to grab the carrot from Gilligan, but Gilligan pulls it away.

GILLIGAN

No, this one's mine. Go get your own. Mary Ann has a gardenful.

Skipper grabs the carrot.

SKIPPER

Not for me. I want to test something.

Skipper bends down and holds the carrot down in front of his turtle.

TURTLE

walks quickly toward the carrot held by Skipper.

SKIPPER (O.S.)

We're in, Gilligan!

SKIPPER AND GILLIGAN

Skipper stands up straight.

SKIPPER

We're in! We finally found a way to beat Howell's turtle. My turtle loves carrots. All you have to do is stand at the finish line and wave a carrot and he‑‑What'd you call him?

GILLIGAN

Who?

SKIPPER

The turtle.

GILLIGAN

Oh, Rex, Rex Stonecipher. He had an older brother named Max Stonecipher.

SKIPPER

Never mind his brother.

Skipper sticks the carrot in Gilligan's mouth.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Gilligan, hold this.

Skipper bends down and picks up his turtle.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Attaboy, Rexy baby. You're gonna win the next race for me, aren't you?

Skipper puts the turtle down in the pen and stands up.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

All we have to do now is stand at the finish line, hold a carrot, and we can't lose!

GILLIGAN

Yeah, Skipper you win the six-foot sloop, and I can be your first mate, and we can go all over‑‑

SKIPPER

Hold it. Hold it.

NEW ANGLE

SKIPPER (cont'd)

If I race Howell again, I'll be betting your services.

GILLIGAN

I tell you what, Skipper, I insist you bet my services as a houseboy.

BACK TO SCENE

SKIPPER

You'll do it? You insist?

(puts arm around Gilligan)

Oh, little buddy, that's wonderful.

FLIP TO:

INT. HOWELLS HUT - DAY

Skipper arranges with Mr. Howell for another turtle race.

MR HOWELL

You've‑‑uh‑‑changed your mind?

SKIPPER

I have.

MR HOWELL

You want to race me again?

SKIPPER

I do, Mister Howell.

MR HOWELL

Still willing to bet Gilligan's services?

SKIPPER

I am. That is, we are.

MR HOWELL

Why?

SKIPPER

Why not?

MR HOWELL

Look, Captain, I didn't get into my present exalted position in the world of finance by accepting things at their face value. You want to race, therefore you think you have a chance of winning. The question before the board is, "How come?"

SKIPPER

No secret. The fact is we have knitted a pair of wings for my turtle

(stretches arms out like wings)

and he's gonna fly through the air with the greatest of ease.

Skipper laughs, pats Mr. Howell on the shoulder, and exits.

FLIP TO:

INT. HOWELLS HUT - LATER

Ginger discusses the next turtle race with Mr. Howell.

GINGER

GINGER

Gee, Mister Howell, turtles couldn't fly even if they did have wings.

MR. HOWELL AND GINGER

MR HOWELL

Ginger, kindly pay attention.

REVERSE ANGLE

GINGER

Certainly not if the wings were knitted. I think the Skipper's pulling your leg.

MR. HOWELL AND GINGER

MR HOWELL

Never mind my leg. It's the Skipper's sleeve I'm worried about. He's got something up it.

REVERSE ANGLE

GINGER

Oh. And you want me to find out what it is.

MR. HOWELL AND GINGER

MR HOWELL

You're right on the target, girl.

REVERSE ANGLE

GINGER

From Gilligan, of course.

MR. HOWELL AND GINGER

MR HOWELL

Bull's-eye.

FLIP TO:

EXT. JUNGLE - DAY

Ginger approaches Gilligan. Gilligan backs up.

GINGER

Don't back away from me. I just wanna talk to you.

Gilligan backs into a tree.

GILLIGAN

Oh, I'm not backing away. Just that my back itches and I'm gonna scratch it on the tree.

Gilligan moves back and forth on the tree trunk. Ginger presses closer.

GINGER

I'll scratch it for you.

Ginger places her hands on Gilligan's shoulders. Her fingers scratch at his shoulders.

GINGER (cont'd)

(seductively)

You know, Gilligan, when I'm a famous movie star, I'm gonna have my own yacht. You can be my captain.

REVERSE ANGLE

GILLIGAN

A little lower.

Ginger scratches lower.

GINGER

And we'll sail away to magic ports of call, won't we?

GILLIGAN

A little bit to the left.

GINGER

(whispers)

How's that?

GILLIGAN

I can't be your captain because I've got to be the first mate for the Skipper and his yacht.

BACK TO SCENE

GINGER

Oh, you mean the one Mister Howell is bidding.

GILLIGAN

Uh-huh. A little bit higher.

Ginger scratches slightly higher. Gilligan softly moans.

GINGER

Gilligan, do you have a turtle that's faster than Mister Howell's?

Gilligan's voice wavers in response to Ginger's scratching the right spot.

GILLIGAN

I'm not allowed to tell anything about that.

GINGER

Oh, you can tell me about it. How's that? Is that the right spot?

GILLIGAN

(weakly)

Yeah.

Ginger presses closer. She presses her chin against his, her lips just frustratingly close to his.

GINGER

Tell me about everything, Gilligan.

FLIP TO:

INT. BOYS HUT - DAY

Gilligan confessed to his encounter with Ginger. Skipper and Gilligan discuss.

SKIPPER

So you told her everything, eh? Then she ran right from you to Howell and told him everything.

Gilligan nods.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Gilligan, how many times have I taught you what to do when Ginger was after you?

GILLIGAN

I'm sorry, Skipper. I tried to remember what you taught me, but, but‑‑

SKIPPER

But what?

GILLIGAN

She backed me up against a tree and started scratching my back, and she found the favorite spot and I don't know what my mouth said after that.

FLIP TO:

EXT. GARDEN - DAY

Mary Ann tends to her garden. She holds a bamboo rake. Skipper and Gilligan appear from the jungle.

SKIPPER

Listen, Gilligan, I don't want any more talking. You understand? Luckily, Mister Howell can't do anything about this. Morning, Mary Ann.

MARY ANN

Hi, Skipper. Hi, Gilligan.

Gilligan presses his index finger to his lips indicating "shhh."

MARY ANN (cont'd)

What's the matter?

GILLIGAN

(whispers)

I'm not allowed to talk.

SKIPPER

Now, Mary Ann, could we have a couple of your carrots?

MARY ANN

MARY ANN

Oh, I'm sorry, Skipper. Well, not unless Mister Howell says it's okay.

SKIPPER AND GILLIGAN

SKIPPER

What? Wha‑‑What's Mister Howell got to do with your carrots?

MARY ANN

MARY ANN

Well, his carrots. He bought them over an hour ago. Five thousand dollars for fifty carrots.

SKIPPER AND GILLIGAN

GILLIGAN

Fifty carrots for five thousand dollars?

Gilligan draws a long division formula in the air.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

How's your long division, Skipper?

Gilligan puts his hand down.

SKIPPER

Oh, never mind my long division, Gilligan. Well, in that case, we can't have carrots. We'll try some of your turnips. Maybe they'll work.

MARY ANN

MARY ANN

I'm sorry, Skipper.

SKIPPER AND GILLIGAN

SKIPPER

He bought those, too?

MARY ANN

MARY ANN

All eight plants for four thousand dollars.

SKIPPER AND GILLIGAN

GILLIGAN

Eight plants for four thousand dollars?

Gilligan writes another long-division problem in the air. Skipper rolls his eyes.

SKIPPER

Never mind the long division, Gilligan!

(to Mary Ann)

Now, all that you have left is your wild lettuce. We'll try that.

BACK TO SCENE

MARY ANN

He bought that, too.

SKIPPER

He bought that, too.

MARY ANN

Three thousand dollars.

Gilligan begins counting thousands of dollars on his fingers.

GILLIGAN

Three thousand dollars for the wild lettuce, and nine thousand and then four thousand‑‑

SKIPPER AND GILLIGAN

Gilligan takes Skipper's hand to use as additional counting digits. Skipper takes his hand back.

SKIPPER

Gilligan, would you stop that?

GILLIGAN

Now you got me all mixed up.

SKIPPER

Well, I'll straighten you out, mate. I want you to find something that's just as good as carrots, something my turtle will like better, ...

BACK TO SCENE

SKIPPER (cont'd)

... and do it before the race, so I can win! Now, that's an order!

Skipper gives an aside glance. Mary Ann tends to her garden.

FLIP TO:

EXT. JUNGLE - DAY

Professor examines a plant with a magnifying glass. He holds a pencil in his mouth and a small notebook in his hand. Gilligan approaches him.

GILLIGAN

Hi, Professor.

PROFESSOR

Hi, Gilligan.

Professor turns to face Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

I sure am glad you got shipwrecked on the island here with us.

Professor removes the pencil from his mouth.

PROFESSOR

I'm not sure I agree, but I know you meant that as a compliment.

Professor writes a note in the notebook.

GILLIGAN

Oh, I do, I do. You're a very smart man and you know lots of things.

PROFESSOR

Such as?

GILLIGAN

Such as what our turtle would like to eat since we don't have any more carrots.

Professor stops writing.

PROFESSOR

Well, I'm afraid I'm not an authority on that subject, Gilligan. You see, I'm not a herpetologist.

GILLIGAN

That's okay because he isn't a "herp," he's a turtle.

PROFESSOR

Gilligan, a herpetologist is a man‑‑

GILLIGAN

Please, Professor, what do you think he'd like to eat?

PROFESSOR

Well, you might try‑‑uh‑‑seaweed, or moss, or plants, or even grass. I'm really not‑‑

Gilligan counts the items on his fingers.

GILLIGAN

Seaweed, grass, moss. Okay, thanks a lot, Professor.

Gilligan turns and dashes into the jungle.

FLIP TO:

EXT. CAMP - DAY

TURTLE

Skipper's turtle is motionless.

SKIPPER

holds a small bunch of seaweed.

SKIPPER

And seaweed is rich in iron and vitamin C, just like in orange juice.

Skipper puts the seaweed down in front of the turtle.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Not only will you run like crazy when you see me holding some seaweed on the finish line...

TURTLE

SKIPPER (O.S.)

... it will make you grow up to be a big strong turtle.

SKIPPER

SKIPPER

Besides that, it tastes good. Just look at Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

holds a small bit of seaweed and looks miserable.

SKIPPER

SKIPPER (cont'd)

(to Gilligan)

Look happy, like you're eating some steak.

GILLIGAN

slowly puts seaweed into his mouth and chews it.

SKIPPER (O.S.)

(to turtle)

See?

SKIPPER

SKIPPER

Gilligan just loves it, don't you?

GILLIGAN

eats the seaweed.

GILLIGAN

I hate it.

SKIPPER

SKIPPER

Do you want the turtle to hear it? Eat some more.

GILLIGAN

chews the seaweed. Gilligan contorts his face at the disgusting seaweed.

TURTLE

Skipper withdraws the seaweed.

SKIPPER

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Maybe you'd rather have some of this grass. Here we are.

TURTLE

Skipper places some grass in front of the turtle. The turtle doesn't react.

SKIPPER

hands a clump of grass to Gilligan

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Make that grass look good, Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

takes the grass from Skipper and begins chewing it.

SKIPPER

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Onto the moss now.

Skipper grabs a handful of moss. He puts it down in front of the turtle.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Here. Try some moss.

TURTLE

ignores the moss.

GILLIGAN

SKIPPER (O.S.)

Here, Gilligan. Make the moss look good.

Gilligan tosses the grass behind him and takes the moss from Skipper. Gilligan bites into the moss.

TURTLE

begins eating the moss.

SKIPPER

SKIPPER

Gilligan, he's eating the moss!

GILLIGAN

His eyes grow wide at the news. He looks down at the turtle.

TURTLE

devours the moss.

SKIPPER (O.S.)

He's eating the moss!

SKIPPER

SKIPPER

We're back in business, Gilligan! We're back in business!

GILLIGAN

enthusiastically eats the moss and looks down at the turtle again.

TURTLE

enjoys a moss meal.

SKIPPER (O.S.)

That's it.

SKIPPER

eats a bit of moss.

GILLIGAN

SKIPPER (O.S.) (cont'd)

Eat!

realizes he's still eating moss, finds it disgusting, and stops eating.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. CAMP - LATER

The castaways watch the end of the turtle race fortieth rematch.

HOWELL TURTLE

crawls toward the finish line. He's less than a foot away. Skipper's turtle is nowhere to be seen.

SKIPPER (O.S.)

Come on, turtle, move! Sprint a little! Get up there!

MR HOWELL (O.S.)

Come on!

Mr. Howell's turtle inches across the finish line.

SKIPPER (O.S.)

Oh, no. He's winning again.

Mr. Howell picks up his turtle.

PAN TO SKIPPER'S TURTLE

at the far end of the track, near the start. Gilligan holds a small bit of moss in front of the turtle to get its attention.

PAN UP

as Gilligan picks up the turtle.

SKIPPER

What went wrong, Gilligan? What happened?

GILLIGAN

I don't know, Skipper. He sure went for the moss in practice.

SKIPPER

In practice? What practice?

GILLIGAN

We practiced all afternoon. He put away twenty-five, thirty pounds of moss‑‑and now he won't even touch it.

MR HOWELL

Nice try, Skipper. Come along, Gilligan.

Skipper takes the turtle from Gilligan.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

Missus Howell has a million-and-one things to show you before you serve us our dinner.

Mr. Howell laughs.

GILLIGAN

Bye, Skipper.

Mr. Howell pulls Gilligan away.

MR HOWELL

Houseboy, there you go.

Skipper, frustrated, holds the turtle.

FADE OUT.

END OF ACT ONE

ACT TWO

FADE IN:

EXT. GILLIGAN'S ISLAND - ESTABLISHING SHOT - DAY

INT. HOWELLS HUT - DAY

Mr. Howell sits and reads the Wall Street Journal as Mrs. Howell sits and winds a ball of yarn.

MRS HOWELL

Darling, I'm so delighted that your turtle won the race.

MR HOWELL

Yes, it does make life more bearable, doesn't it?

MRS HOWELL

I just adore having a butler, and an upstairs maid, and a downstairs maid, and a cook, and a gardener, and a chauffeur, and a houseboy. Even if Gilligan is all of them.

MR HOWELL

Even here I can provide my wife with a staff of servants.

Mrs. Howell laughs.

MRS HOWELL

Staff of servants. Darling, you're brilliant.

Mr. Howell laughs.

MR HOWELL

Where's that boy with my drink? Gilligan!

GILLIGAN (O.S.)

Coming, Mister Howell.

MR HOWELL

Hurry up, will you?

Gilligan emerges through the beads wearing a butler jacket and a bow tie. He carries a serving tray. On it is a bamboo drinking glass with a straw. Gilligan delivers the drink to Mr. Howell.

GILLIGAN

Your drink, sir.

MR HOWELL

Oh, thank you. Thank you very much.

Mr. Howell takes the glass from the tray.

MRS HOWELL

Gilligan, help me with this yarn.

Mr. Howell sips from the straw in the glass. Mrs. Howell holds out the ring of yarn. Gilligan puts the tray down on the table in front of Mrs. Howell.

GILLIGAN

Certainly, Missus Howell.

Gilligan holds out his arms and Mrs. Howell puts the yarn around his arms.

MR HOWELL

My‑‑my‑‑my‑‑The market is going higher and higher.

GILLIGAN AND MRS. HOWELL

GILLIGAN

Mister Howell, how do you get a newspaper out here on the island?

MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

My newsboy has a strong right arm.

Mr. Howell chuckles at his own joke.

GILLIGAN AND MRS. HOWELL

MRS HOWELL

We've had that same paper ever since we were shipwrecked. Mister Howell reads the financial page every day.

MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

The market doesn't go up and it's comforting, because it doesn't go down, either.

BACK TO SCENE

Mr. Howell takes another sip of his drink.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

Oh, this punch is awful. You put some more papaya something in there, will you, boy?

GILLIGAN

Certainly, Mister Howell.

While still holding the yarn for Mrs. Howell, Gilligan takes the glass from Mr. Howell.

MR HOWELL

All right.

Gilligan walks between Mr. Howell and the table, stringing the yarn around Mr. Howell.

MRS HOWELL

Gilligan, my yarn!

GILLIGAN

Oh. I'm Sorry, Missus Howell.

Gilligan tries to correct the yarn situation, but only ends up tangling Mr. Howell, his newspaper, and himself in the yarn.

MR HOWELL

You're getting me all tangled up, son.

Mr. Howell stands.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

What's the matter with you?

MRS HOWELL

Oh, Gilligan, this way.

Mrs. Howell stands and inadvertently pushes Gilligan into Mr. Howell. Gilligan spills the drink on Mr. Howell and his newspaper.

MRS HOWELL (cont'd)

Oh, Gilligan, that way.

Gilligan raises his arms and then pulls them back down, only to further wrap Mr. Howell in the yarn.

MRS HOWELL (cont'd)

Gilligan! Oh! Gilligan!

Mr. Howell tries to free himself from the yarn and tears up the newspaper in the process.

MR HOWELL

There goes the whole New York Exchange!

MRS HOWELL

Oh, my beautiful knitting. Oh!

MR HOWELL

The American Exchange!

FLIP TO:

INT./EXT. BOYS HUT - DAY

Professor walks up to the hut window, peers in, and sees Skipper. Skipper sits at the table. He wipes his face with his hand. Professor opens the hut door and walks in. Professor carries a white cloth and wipes his magnifying glass. Skipper notices Professor.

SKIPPER

Hello, Professor.

PROFESSOR

You really miss Gilligan, don't you, Skipper?

SKIPPER

I certainly do. It's just not the same around the hut. I mean, nobody to yell at‑‑that is, discuss things with. He used to help here with the chores around here, but it‑‑it's just not the same. I'm like a ship without a rudder.

PROFESSOR

Well, we all go through this sort of thing once in a while, Skipper. We don't appreciate what we've got until we lose it.

SKIPPER

I suppose you're right.

Skipper stands up.

PROFESSOR

Where're you going?

SKIPPER

Over to visit what I lost.

Skipper exits.

FLIP TO:

EXT. HOWELLS HUT - DAY

Skipper knocks on the door frame.

SKIPPER

Gilligan? Hey, Gilligan!

Gilligan opens the door.

GILLIGAN

Tradesmen around the rear, please.

SKIPPER

Tradesmen? It's me, your skipper.

GILLIGAN

Do you have an appointment?

SKIPPER

I have to have an appointment to see my little buddy?

GILLIGAN

No, to see the Howells. Besides being a houseboy, I'm a butler and chauffeur.

SKIPPER

Chauffeur?

GILLIGAN

That part's easy. We don't have a car.

GILLIGAN AND SKIPPER

SKIPPER

Well, Gilligan, I think they're overworking you around this place. I mean, you must feel like a prisoner around here, taking all these jobs.

REVERSE ANGLE

GILLIGAN

Oh no, Skipper, I get every other Thursday off.

GILLIGAN AND SKIPPER

Skipper folds his arms across his chest.

SKIPPER

You don't even miss me.

GILLIGAN

I miss you, Skipper.

REVERSE ANGLE

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

I miss you a lot.

SKIPPER

(yells)

Nobody to yell at you?

GILLIGAN

Well, Mister Howell yells, but not half as loud as you and the place is kind of messy, but not near as near as messy as our hut. Missus Howell‑‑she can't give orders. She says "please."

SKIPPER

What do you expect from a woman?

GILLIGAN

I sure do miss being your first mate.

GILLIGAN AND SKIPPER

SKIPPER

I'll get you back, little buddy. I'll get you back.

GILLIGAN

Well, how? You've nothing left to bet.

REVERSE ANGLE

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

But I have, Skipper.

(pulls knife from pocket)

Look. My Boy Scout knife. Spoon, and there's a fork, and there's a blade, and a nail file, and tweezers, and a key ring, and a corkscrew.

GILLIGAN AND SKIPPER

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Here, take it.

SKIPPER

No, Gilligan, I couldn't. Suppose I lose?

REVERSE ANGLE

GILLIGAN

Well, Mister Howell will have me and the knife, and I'll get to use it as much as I do now. But if you win, you win me back.

GILLIGAN AND SKIPPER

SKIPPER

No, Gilligan, I shouldn't have bet you against his sloop in the first place, and to take your dearest possession, well, I‑‑I just couldn't do it.

NEW ANGLE

GILLIGAN

Even if I insist?

SKIPPER

Even if you insist.

Skipper pats Gilligan on the shoulder.

FLIP TO:

INT. HOWELLS HUT - DAY

Mr. Howell sits at his table, writing. Gilligan carries a feather duster. Gilligan told the tale of Skipper missing him to Mr. Howell.

GILLIGAN

You could've heard him, Mister Howell, it would have brought tears to your eyes.

MR HOWELL

From laughing. Will you get on with your housework, boy?

GILLIGAN

Please, Mister Howell, one more race?

MR HOWELL

But the Skipper has nothing left to wager.

GILLIGAN

GILLIGAN

Oh, yes he has. My Boy Scout knife.

MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

(intrigued)

The one with the corkscrew?

GILLIGAN

GILLIGAN

Yeah, screwdriver-nail file.

MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

And the compass?

GILLIGAN

GILLIGAN

Yeah, and a can opener, key ring, and tweezers.

MR. HOWELL

points to Gilligan.

MR HOWELL

You're leaving something out.

GILLIGAN

GILLIGAN

Huh? Oh, the knife blade.

BACK TO SCENE

Mr. Howell stands, walks over to the dresses, grabs a half-coconut shell, and returns to his seat.

MR HOWELL

Gilligan, my boy, I'll admit that I've had my eye on that knife for some time, but‑‑uh‑‑how come you're willing to bet your dearest possession? After all, I've won forty races. What makes you think I'm gonna start losing now?

GILLIGAN

Oh, I was thinking, Mister Howell, maybe if you lost on purpose‑‑

MR HOWELL

Me?

(stands)

A Howell lose on purpose?

GILLIGAN

But you have everything: yachts, oil wells, banks.

Mr. Howell points at Gilligan.

MR HOWELL

And money.

GILLIGAN

And you're courageous. Everybody looks up to you and what does the Skipper have? Me. I know it's not much, but it's all he has, and Mister Howell, it'd mean so much for him to win me back and so little for you to lose me. Please, Mister Howell?

MR HOWELL

Gilligan, my boy, you're a fine young man. Ordinarily your story would melt a man with a heart of stone. But fortunately my cronies call me old Granite-heart Howell.

(sits)

Gilligan, tell the Skipper I'm willing to race, and may the best turtle win. Naturally, I have the best turtles.

MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

No one challenges a Howell and comes through unscathed.

GILLIGAN

GILLIGAN

Comes through what?

MR. HOWELL

MR HOWELL

Unscathed.

GILLIGAN

GILLIGAN

Mister Howell, after you're through "unscathing" him, will he be able to "scathe" again?

BACK TO SCENE

Mr. Howell picks up a stick from the table.

MR HOWELL

(yells)

Go deliver the message, will you?

(calmly)

And, Gilligan, take good care of my knife.

GILLIGAN

You mean my knife.

MR HOWELL

Until the race. That is, if the Skipper is man enough to race me.

Mr. Howell taps the stick on Gilligan's arm and then on his behind. Gilligan drops the feather duster and exits through the beaded door. Mr. Howell laughs.

MRS. HOWELL

enters carrying a tea kettle. She carries it across the room and places it on the night stand between the Howell's beds.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

Imagine the nerve of that houseboy, Lovey. Asking Thurston Howell to let the Skipper win a race.

Mrs. Howell walks over to Mr. Howell.

MRS HOWELL

Well after all, dear, Gilligan's motives are strictly humanitarian.

MR HOWELL

Those are the worst kind.

Mrs. Howell places one hand on Mr. Howell's shoulder and the other on his arm.

MRS HOWELL

You know, Darling, the Skipper's awfully unhappy without Gilligan.

MR HOWELL

Well, if you don't see any tears, it's because I'm crying on the inside.

MRS HOWELL

Darling, we don't really need a houseboy. There's nothing for him to do.

MR HOWELL

Well, I'm simply aghast! Missus Thurston Howell is used to a staff of servants.

MRS HOWELL

Yes, I know, dear, but I've grown used to doing without.

MR HOWELL

Well, that's spoken like a true aristocrat and I'm very proud of you. But even here, marooned on this island, as Chairman of the Board, I can still provide you with some creature comforts.

MRS HOWELL

Oh, in other words‑‑

MR HOWELL

In other words, I will not lose to the Skipper on purpose. The matter is closed, dear.

Mrs. Howell makes a disapproving face to Mr. Howell, turns, and exits. Mr. Howell goes back to writing.

FLIP TO:

EXT. CAMP - DAY

GINGER

Ginger reads Mary Ann's horoscope from "Horoscope."

GINGER

It's says, "Very soon now, you're gonna meet a big, strong, handsome man."

REVERSE ANGLE

MARY ANN

Ha! Fat chance. Not unless one drops out of an airplane or something.

BACK TO SCENE

Skipper approaches from the jungle path.

GINGER

Your horoscope says so. You're going to meet him.

MARY ANN

Where am I going to meet a big, strong, handsome man on this island?

Skipper tips his hat.

SKIPPER

Hi, girls.

GINGER

There he is. A big, strong, handsome man, and you just met him.

MARY ANN

Ginger, the Skipper's been marooned with us now for several months.

GINGER

Let me see what else your horoscope says.

(turns page)

It says, "You don't believe in horoscopes and

(rolls eyes)

why don't you go back to your vegetable garden?"

MARY ANN

Oh? Well, guess I will.

Mary Ann stands and exits.

SKIPPER

Bye, Mary Ann.

(sits)

What was that all about?

GINGER

I was just reading her horoscope, Skipper. Would you like me to read yours? You know, you‑‑you'd be surprised. If you really follow it, everything works out right. What day's your birthday?

Skipper stammers.

SKIPPER

The Fifth of May.

SKIPPER AND GINGER

GINGER

Oh, you're Taurus. You're under the sign of the bull.

REVERSE ANGLE

SKIPPER

Why, I knew I was under the sign of something, but I thought it was the eight ball.

BACK TO SCENE

Skipper laughs. Ginger reads in the horoscope book.

GINGER

Oh, let's see. The sixteenth is your day.

REVERSE ANGLE

SKIPPER

The sixteenth? That'll be tomorrow.

GINGER

Yeah. It says‑‑um‑‑

SKIPPER AND GINGER

GINGER (cont'd)

"Strike hard, strike fast. The race is to the swift. And on the sixteenth, you will be the swiftest."

REVERSE ANGLE

SKIPPER

The race? Is that what it says? I'll be the swiftest?

GINGER

Yeah. It says, "A day's delay will be too late."

BACK TO SCENE

GINGER (cont'd)

"Seize your opportunity by the horns."

(interjects)

I guess that's because you're Taurus.

(reads)

"And win, win, win!"

SKIPPER

I'll do it, Ginger. Thanks a million. I'll do it.

Skipper stands.

GINGER

Don't you want to hear the rest?

Skipper gently cups her cheek.

SKIPPER

Oh, no, I've already heard enough. Thank you. Good news.

Skipper exits. Ginger looks mischievous and rolls her eyes.

FLIP TO:

INT. HOWELLS HUT - DAY

Gilligan dusts the Howells hut. Skipper knocks at the door. Gilligan hears the knock and stops dusting.

SKIPPER (O.S.)

Gilligan? Hey, Gilligan!

Gilligan walks to the door.

GILLIGAN

Who's there?

Skipper opens the outer bamboo door and enters between the beads.

SKIPPER

Gilligan, you know who's there. I'll do it. I'll bet your Boy Scout knife against Howell, if he'll bet you back. Now, understand, I'll race him, but it's gotta be tomorrow.

GILLIGAN

Why?

SKIPPER

Because I'm Taurus.

Gilligan looks Skipper down and up.

GILLIGAN

Where?

SKIPPER

Never mind, Gilligan. But, just tell Howell that I'll race him tomorrow. Okay?

Skipper pats Gilligan on the shoulder.

GILLIGAN

Yeah.

SKIPPER

Tomorrow.

Skipper exits.

GILLIGAN

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Gilligan walks back to the dresser and finds Mrs. Howell standing there.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Hey, Missus Howell‑‑

MRS HOWELL

The Skipper seems terribly confident.

GILLIGAN

Yeah, I just wish I was.

Mrs. Howell touches Gilligan's cheek.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. CAMP - NIGHT

Mrs. Howell wears a housecoat and carries a torch. She looks behind her as she sneaks to the turtle pens. She places the torch against a boulder. She reaches into the Skipper's turtle pen.

MRS. HOWELL

confesses her plan to Skipper's turtle.

MRS HOWELL

All I'm trying to do is make Thurston be the kind of man he really is, despite himself. Now, I'll just change you turtles around.

She carries Skipper's turtle to the Howell pen.

MRS HOWELL (cont'd)

The Skipper's turtle will go in our pen. There.

She picks up the Howell turtle.

MRS HOWELL (cont'd)

Oh. Our turtle's bigger.

Mrs. Howell carries the Howell turtle to the Skipper's pen.

MRS HOWELL (cont'd)

And our turtle goes in this pen. There. I almost forgot.

She takes the "H" from the back of the turtle in the Skipper's pen and takes it over to the Howell pen, where she replaces the "S" with the "H." Mrs. Howell takes the "S" from the Howell's turtle and brings places it on the turtle in Skipper's pen.

TURTLE

MRS HOWELL (O.S.)

There.

PAN UP

MRS HOWELL

Now the Skipper will win, and Gilligan can go back where he belongs.

BACK TO SCENE

Mrs. Howell takes her torch and exits quietly.

EXT. CAMP - LATER

Mr. Howell appears with a torch. He passes the boys hut.

MR. HOWELL

places his torch securely by the boulder. He picks up the turtle in the Howell pen. Like Mrs. Howell, Mr. Howell confesses to the turtle.

MR HOWELL

Ah, thank goodness it's night, and no one can see what I'm doing. If word ever got back to the States that Thurston Howell deliberately did a good deed, I'll lose my window seat at the Union League Club. Forgive me. Here we go.

BACK TO SCENE

Mr. Howell places the turtle in the Skipper's turtle pen.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

Ooh, you little‑‑

He picks up the other turtle.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

Here we are.

Mr. Howell takes that turtle and places it in the Howell turtle pen.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

You don't mind, do you? Let's see, now.

Mr. Howell exchanges the letters on the turtles.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

The Howell know-how. Ingenious. Perfect crime.

Mr. Howell picks up his torch.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

Cunning.

Mr. Howell exits. Gilligan appears from the darkness around the edge of the hut.

GILLIGAN

I'll be darned. I must've reached him after all.

Gilligan looks at the turtle pens.

FLIP TO:

INT./EXT. BOYS HUT - NIGHT

Skipper sleeps in Gilligan's hammock. Gilligan knocks at the door and then walks in.

SKIPPER

Yes, who is it?

GILLIGAN

Your ex-first mate.

SKIPPER

Gilligan! My little buddy, you‑‑

Skipper tumbles out of the hammock, falls to the ground, and then stands to greet Gilligan.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

You're home!

GILLIGAN

No, no, Skipper. I just came to tell you, don't worry. You're gonna win tomorrow.

SKIPPER

Why, you bet I will.

GILLIGAN

Yeah, old granite-hearted Howell switched the turtles and you got the fast one.

SKIPPER

He what?

GILLIGAN

I saw him do it, yeah.

SKIPPER

You don't think I want to win the race that way?

GILLIGAN

You want to win me back, don't you?

SKIPPER

Why, certainly I do, Gilligan, but honorably. Could you sleep nights knowing that race was fixed?

GILLIGAN

I could sleep anytime.

SKIPPER

Well, I couldn't. Now, we're going back and put those turtles back where they belong.

Gilligan exits, followed by Skipper.

FLIP TO:

EXT. CAMP - NIGHT

Gilligan and Skipper sneak out to the turtle pens. Gilligan picks up the turtle in Skipper's pen. Skipper picks up the turtle in Howell's pen. They exchange the turtles. Skipper removes the "H" from the turtle he moved. Gilligan stands between the turtle pens, confused. Skipper places the "H" on the turtle in Howell's pen. Gilligan taps Skipper on the shoulder.

They notice that only one turtle has a label and look for the "S." Skipper notices that the "S" is stuck to Gilligan's shirt and tears if off his shirt. Skipper places the "S" on the turtle in his pen. Gilligan removes the "H" from the turtle in Howell's pen and exchanges it with the "S" on the turtle in Skipper's pen.

Skipper exasperatedly gives an aside glance and folds his arms across his chest. Gilligan finishes the exchange by placing the "S" on the turtle in Howell's pen. Gilligan realizes he made a mistake, and picks the "S" off the turtle in Howell's pen. Skipper tries to pull him back. He places the "S" on the turtle in Skipper's pen and hands the "H" to Skipper, who places it on the turtle in Howell's pen.

Doubting himself, Gilligan reaches for the turtle in Howell's pen. Skipper pulls him back and pushes him toward the hut.

FLIP TO:

INT. HOWELLS HUT - NIGHT

Mr. Howell sits up in his bed, holding teddy. Gilligan stands in front of him.

MR HOWELL

He what?

Gilligan shushes him.

GILLIGAN

(whispers)

He changed them back.

MR HOWELL

(whispers)

After all the trouble I went to make sure that he'd win?

REVERSE ANGLE

GILLIGAN

(whispers)

He says he doesn't want to win that way.

MR HOWELL

(whispers)

You know what that big, stubborn ox is doing?

GILLIGAN

(whispers)

Scathing? Unscathing?

BACK TO SCENE

MR HOWELL

He's looking a gift horse in the mouth. I won't stand for it. When Thurston Howell makes up his mind to be a decent, honest person, nobody‑‑

(shushes himself)

and I repeat, nobody‑‑stands in his way.

REVERSE ANGLE

GILLIGAN

Good for you, Mister Decent Human Being.

BACK TO SCENE

MR HOWELL

Put the turtles the way they were. Hurry up. Say good night to teddy.

FLIP TO:

EXT. CAMP - NIGHT

Gilligan removes the turtle from Skipper's pen and places it in Howell's pen. He picks up the other turtle and places it in Skipper's pen. Gilligan removes the "H" from the turtle in Skipper's pen and puts it in place of the "S" on the turtle in Howell's pen. He takes the "S" and places it on the turtle in Skipper's pen. Gilligan exits.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. GILLIGAN'S ISLAND - ESTABLISHING SHOT - DAY

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. CAMP - DAY

SKIPPER, MR. HOWELL, AND GILLIGAN

SKIPPER

Come on. Sprint! Sprint!

MR HOWELL

No, go back.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

You're not supposed to win this time.

TURTLE RACE

SKIPPER (O.S.)

Don't go back that way!

Skipper's turtle faces the bamboo guide and Howell's turtle slowly moves toward the finish line.

PROFESSOR (O.S.)

Slow down. Not so fast.

HOWELL TURTLE

crawls toward the finish line.

PROFESSOR AND MRS. HOWELL

PROFESSOR

He's gonna win again.

MRS HOWELL

Please don't win.

PROFESSOR

Come on, get a move on, Skipper.

SKIPPER TURTLE

MRS HOWELL

Come on, Skipper.

PROFESSOR

Get a move on!

MARY ANN (O.S.)

Come on.

MARY ANN AND GINGER

MARY ANN

Come on, Skipper.

GINGER

There he goes! Come on, Tiger. Go on.

MARY ANN

Oh, Skipper.

HOWELL TURTLE

crosses the finish line.

MR HOWELL (O.S.)

No, don't finish! Foul or anything.

SKIPPER, MR. HOWELL, AND GILLIGAN

MR HOWELL

No! Go back! I‑‑You're not supposed to win this time.

Mr. Howell cries out and is visibly upset that his turtle won. Mr. Howell bends down to pick up his turtle.

HOWELL TURTLE

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

‑‑win this time.

Mr. Howell picks up the turtle.

SKIPPER

Oh, it can't be. It just can't be.

Gilligan reaches into his pocket and pulls out his Boy Scout knife and hands it to Skipper.

GILLIGAN

My knife.

Skipper takes the knife and places it in Mr. Howell's outer breast pocket.

SKIPPER

His knife.

Mr. Howell nearly sobs.

MR HOWELL

I‑‑I tried to be nice. I really tried, but I‑‑I still came out on top and‑‑

Skipper and Gilligan both pat Mr. Howell on the shoulders to console him.

FADE OUT.

END OF ACT TWO

TAG

FADE IN:

EXT. CAMP - DAY

Mr. Howell enters from the jungle to find Skipper seated at the table. He wears a sportcoat. Mr. Howell's hands are closed into fists.

MR HOWELL

Ah, there you are, Skipper. Any of that good old

(taps Skipper's shoulder with his fist)

betting spirit left? Now, I have a pebble in one of these hands, you see what I mean? And you guess‑‑if you guess which hand has the pebble, you win. Go ahead. Choose one.

Skipper chooses a hand.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

There you are.

Mr. Howell opens his fist to reveal that there is no pebble there.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

I win, you lose.

Mr. Howell opens his other fist, revealing that neither of his fists had a pebble.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

Which means you get Gilligan back.

Skipper is puzzled.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

Gilligan!

Gilligan runs to Mr. Howell.

GILLIGAN

You rang, sir?

MR HOWELL

Yes, I'm giving you back to the Skipper.

GILLIGAN

Skipper?

SKIPPER

But I thought you said I lost the bet with the pebble.

MR HOWELL

Well, exactly. You see, when Gilligan was my houseboy, he washed my shirts,

(removes sportcoat)

and he ironed my trousers.

Mr. Howell turns around to reveal a large iron-shaped scorch mark and hole in the seat of his trousers, revealing the boxer shorts underneath. Skipper and Gilligan look at the hole.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

So when you're betting to see who gets Gilligan, the loser is the winner. Go away.

Mr. Howell exits down a path into the jungle.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. GILLIGAN'S ISLAND - ESTABLISHING SHOT - DAY

FADE OUT.

THE END