GILLIGAN'S ISLAND "Return of Wrong Way Feldman" by Lawrence J. Cohen And Fred Freeman March 13, 1965 TEASER FADE IN: STOCK SHOT - PALM TREES - OVERLAY CREDITS CUT TO: STOCK SHOT OF BIPLANE FLYING CUT TO: EXT - JUNGLE HILL TOP - DAY The skipper, professor and Gilligan are on a high ridge that surrounds the Lagoon. The sound of an airplane can be heard as the skipper is looking through the bamboo telescope. SKIPPER There's the plane! Ah ha! The plane! GILLIGAN Oh yeah let me see let me see! Gilligan looks through telescope. CUT TO: CIRCULAR MASKED STOCK SHOT OF BIPLANE FLYING CUT TO: CIRCULAR MASKED CLOSE UP WRONG WAY CUT TO: EXT - JUNGLE HILL TOP - DAY GILLIGAN Oh yeah it is a plane! Oh oh! It's Wrong Way Feldman! He's come… Gilligan stands back up and start to fall backwards down side of the ridge. GILLIGAN …Baaaaaack! FLIP TO: EXT - CLEARING - DAY - COCKPIT VIEW - FORWARD From Wrong Way's view point over the airplane's engine cowling, the castaways can be seen in the clearing waving and cheering. They start to get out of the way as the plane moves closer. All Hey Wrong Way! It's good to see you! Oh Wrong Way! CUT TO: WIDE SHOT - CLEARING The castaways have gotten out of the way as Wrong Way taxi's his plane and makes a left turn just before coming to the edge of the clearing. The engine is sputtering and comes to a halt as the castaways work there way around to the side of the plane. Gilligan is seen climbing onto the lower left wing as they greet Wrong Way. CUT TO: CLOSE SHOT - WRONG WAY - CASTAWAYS The castaways gather near the plane as Wrong Way is unstraping and stands up in the cockpit. GILLIGAN It's good to see ya! WRONG WAY Awe tha…thanks professor thanks! PROFESSOR Girls why don't ya fix Wrong Way something to eat. GINGER OK MARY ANN Alright! PROFESSOR What about help!? Are they going to send a boat out after us!? Wrong Way ignores the professor's question. WRONG WAY You wouldn't believe what a trip I had. I liked to crash! I was attacked by a giant Eagle! MRS HOWELL An Eagle, Oh how dreadful! WRONG WAY Yeah, I almost shot it down till I saw it was one of ours! American! SKIPPER Alright alright Wrong Way but, what about the rescue! Again he ignores the question. WRONG WAY Oh boy I had some trouble! It took me almost two months to get this plane off the ground! GILLIGAN Two months? WRONG WAY Yeah it was in the cellar of a museum! I had a devil of a time getting it through the door! Th…the stairs were alright but the door was so narrow! PROFESSOR Wrong Way are they going to send a boat after us? GILLIGAN So we can be rescued! MR HOWELL Di…did you notify any authorities? WRONG WAY Certainly not! What in the world would I do a thing like that for? GILLIGAN So we can get off the island! WRONG WAY (DREAMILY) And leave this paradise? SKIPPER You mean to say that, nobody knows that you're here! WRONG WAY Ah to tell the truth, I don't where I am. MRS HOWELL Then we're not going to be rescued? WRONG WAY Course not. And you can be sure that nobody followed me either. I…I flew with my light off. MR HOWELL Wa…wa…tell me eh, why did you come back here? WRONG WAY To get away from that horrid thing that you call civilization. Oh you can have the modern world. Rush rush rush, push push push! I don't want no part of it! GILLIGAN But we want to go home! WRONG WAY My boy. (pause) This is your home. (pause) And it's going to be mine. For the rest of my life. FADE OUT ACT ONE FADE IN INT - SKIPPER & GILLIGAN'S HUT - DAY SKIPPER Be reasonable Wrong Way you've got to go back and get help! WRONG WAY I am not leaving this here island, we are better off here! GILLIGAN But Wrong Way we're home sick we miss the states. WRONG WAY What's there to miss? All that hustle and bustle? Th…the trains, the subways, the whistles, the noise, no privacy ho ho, this is the life! Earth trees grass nature! SKIPPER Bu…but when we get back you can go live in Yellow stone park! WRONG WAY I tried that already. Even the bears are civilized! Th…they wear boy scout uniforms, put out fires! GILLIGAN Wrong Way we want to go back. Won't you think about it? WRONG WAY There is nothing to think about! SKIPPER Oh but you don't want to eat Pineapples and coconuts for the rest of your life! WRONG WAY Awe it's better than what I et in New York! Oh ho, what a restaurant that was! They couldn't even get a simple little ole order straight! All I asked for was a plain T-bone steak! GILLIGAN Steak? WRONG WAY Yeah, a T-bone. And what did they bring me? A Filet, that thick! Wrong Way demonstrates the thickness to be about three inches. SKIPPER That thick!? Skipper demonstrates the same thickness with thumb and index finger. WRONG WAY I…I like mine well done you see, a…and this was all red and juicy inside ah…so I sent it back, and they brung me anuder, so this was well done alright but they put on a lot a, mushrooms and that béarnaise sauce. (pause) And I couldn't even get the, waitresses eye sh…she was busy with some glutton. With a French pastry tray, all that chocolate and custard and whip cream, sick! Skipper is still dreaming of the steak. SKIPPER That thick? WRONG WAY All that pushin shovin I don't know what…what you want to go back there for? Skipper is still having problems with the steak. SKIPPER Wrong Way? WRONG WAY Yeh? SKIPPER (DREAMILY) Tell me about that steak again? FLIP TO: EXT - JUNGLE - DAY Mr. And Mrs. Howell are hiding in the jungle watching Wrong Way, who is in the distance cleaning out his plane. MRS HOWELL (WHISPERING) Thruston I don't think we should. MR HOWELL (WHISPERING) There's nothing wrong with the old fashioned bribe. It's the only way I can get this flying pig head to take us back to the states! MRS HOWELL (WHISPERING) But I don't think it's going to work, he's terribly honest. MR HOWELL (WHISPERING) Every man has his price, now if he rescues us I'll…I'll promise him one of our oil wells. MRS HOWELL (WHISPERING) Thurston you mean you'd give him one of our oil wells!? MR HOWELL (WHISPERING) I didn't say give I said promise to! There's a difference. Don't worry about the old wolf of wall street. MRS HOWELL (WHISPERING) Good luck darling. MR HOWELL (WHISPERING) You know me I'll handle him! Mr. Howell has left his hiding place and makes his way to clearing where Wrong Way is. CUT TO: CLOSE SHOT MR HOWELL I understand that your ah really serious about not going back. WRONG WAY I'm sorry Howell it's something you wouldn't know nothin about. It does not concern money. MR HOWELL No no no you miss judge me! Since I've been on this island I've been doing a lot of thinking. I don't even think about money anymore. WRONG WAY Why have we gone off the gold standard? MR HOWELL No I know your laughing at me, I agree with you completely I think the world is in a terrible mess, and I don't want to leave either. WRONG WAY Ah you must be kindin! MR HOWELL No no no no I mean it mean it. WRONG WAY Why it's a good thing your not over there now with all that spendin that buildin. MR HOWELL Must be terrible. WRONG WAY Oh with all the money wasted on the factories buildins high rise apartments. MR HOWELL Awful awful. WRONG WAY And the RENTS! The land lords just rackin it in! MR HOWELL Ghastly! WRONG WAY And those flimsy new apartments in New York, so expensive. MR HOWELL I know I know I own one. WRONG WAY Oh yes I…I was…ah…ah surprised to find out that your rents are the lowest in that whole area! MR HOWELL (SADDLY) Me? I have the lowest rents. WRONG WAY Yeah, you will be happy to know that your building is the only one still under rent control! Leave the others make the money you have the peace of mind! I tell ya you couldn't stand it if you was there right now. Why the stock markets gone crazy! People are making money hand over fist. Land values are soarin, an…and the new tax cut. And the bank rates are goin up! I ya tell it's a sickness! Money money money! Mr. Howell can take it no longer. With a watershed of tears running down his face, Mr. Howell begs Wrong Way to end the torture. MR HOWELL (CRYING) STOP!!! Have you no mercy? Wrong Way, thinking Mr. Howell is crying tears of joy, hold Mr. Howell and consoles him. FLIP TO: EXT - HUT CLEARING - DAY Wrong Way is seated at he table with Ginger telling her what it's like back in the states. WRONG WAY …And the musicals is even worse than the dramas. Now I seen seven of them back in New York and there was only one that was any good. Uh it had this young girl in it, uh about your age. GINGER Yeah!? WRONG WAY Matter of fact she even looked like you, maybe you know her, uh Debbie Dawson? GINGER (EXCITEDLY) Well she was my room mate! WRONG WAY She's the toast of Broadway! I met her back stage. Poor girl, with the reporters and the photographers. GINGER I could've had that part if I was there. WRONG WAY Awe your lucky ya didn't. Poor kid, all the time no time for herself, rushin around with the movie offers and the publicity stills and the interviews, what kind of life is that for a young girl? Like Mr. Howell, Ginger can take no more and breaks down. She's laid her head on the table as she sobs. Wrong Way tries to console her as well. WRONG WAY Oh yeah…ye…that's alright honey, you…you have a good cry. I feel the same way about poor Debbie. Facin a life like that. FLIP TO: EXT - JUNGLE HILL TOP - DAY The skipper, Gilligan and the professor are once again on the hill top where they first say Wrong Ways planes earlier. PROFESSOR Well I tried talking to him too. But he's determined to stay here. SKIPPER One things for sure he hasn't been good on the morale around here! Ginger hasn't stopped crying and Mr. Howell's threatening to jump off his steamer trunk! GILLIGAN Wait a minute! I could fly that plane, Wrong Way taught me how remember!? It's ignition, contact, choke, throttle stick, flaps! PROFESSOR Say that's worth a try! GILLIGAN Or is it flaps, choke, throttle, stick contact? SKIPPER Oh never mind Gilligan you couldn't make it to the cockpit! PROFESSOR If there was only some reason Wrong Way had to go back. SKIPPER Yes a real GOOD reason like an emergency or something! Hey that's it! A doctor! Wa…when I was in the Navy we had to send all the way back to port for a doctor! PROFESSOR Maybe you've got something there! GILLIGAN I could pretend I was sick! SKIPPER Gilligan you won't have to pretend cause you'll just mess it up! I'll take care of this! You find Wrong Way while I get set! FLIP TO: INT - SKIPPER & GILLIGAN'S HUT - DAY The skipper is laying in his hammock moaning with pain. Gilligan is seen leading Wrong Way into the hut. SKIPPER Oh! Oh! GILLIGAN There he is! Something's wrong with him! WRONG WAY Oh where does it hurt! SKIPPER Right here Wrong Way! Wrong Way pokes the skipper. SKIPPER Op…ep…ep…oh!! WRONG WAY I think it might be your appendix. Either that or you been eatin those wild radishes again. SKIPPER I think it's my appendix Wrong Way. GILLIGAN He needs a doctor! WRONG WAY Your right he needs an operation immediately! GILLIGAN We'll have to go back and get a doctor. WRONG WAY Ah not necessary I'll do it myself! GILLIGAN You can take out an appendix!? WRONG WAY Course! Under battlefield conditions. I done it for my old friend Buckey Lorenzo! SKIPPER Bu…but I think I need a doctor! WRONG WAY Funny, that's what Buckey said too! But it come out beautifully! Of course I did make the incision a little too long. But that didn't bother old Buckey! He.he just wore his bathin suit a little higher after that! SKIPPER Oh I…I feel great! Ya…you won't have to operate after all! WRONG WAY You all say that, ya…hold him down Gilligan. Gilligan does what he's told and holds the skipper down. Wrong Way turns away to get some medical items. SKIPPER (QUIETLY) What are you doing Gilligan!? GILLIGAN Don't worry skipper you'll be alright just take it easy. SKIPPER (QUIETLY) You idiot there's nothing wrong with me! GILLIGAN Oh yeah I forgot. I've got to get you out of here. Wrong Way steps back over to the skipper. The skipper has now gotten up and is eager to leave. WRONG WAY Alright Gilligan I'll be back in a minute I gotta berl these instruments. GILLIGAN Oh but how can you operate, you don't have any anesthetic? WRONG WAY Oh I'll do the same thing for him I done for old Buckey. Hit him behind the ear with a monkey wrench. With that said, the skipper springs to life and decides to demonstrate he's in perfect health. SKIPPER Oh but Wrong Way you won't have to, see I…I…I feel great! I….look I'm dancing!! The skipper is hopping and prancing around to convince Wrong Way he's ok. WRONG WAY Delirious already! SKIPPER Well I want to tell you I can run too! See!? WRONG WAY Well I guess now's the time! Wrong Way raises the wrench as though he's going to knock the skipper out. The skipper sees the wrench and makes his way quickly out of the hut. WRONG WAY Maybe it was the wild radishes after all. Wrong Way takes a look at Gilligan with a raised wrench. WRONG WAY How do you feel? GILLIGAN Fine!! Fine! Gilligan also runs out of the hut. FLIP TO: EXT - HUT - DAY The skipper and Gilligan are quietly talking near the side of the hut as they set up yet another plan to fool Wrong Way. SKIPPER Make this look good Gilligan, it might be our last chance. GILLIGAN I'll do my best. SKIPPER Remember the symptoms. You got to make him think that you got Bola Bola fever. GILLIGAN Yeah. SKIPPER Dry mouth. GILLIGAN Yeah. SKIPPER Stomach ache. GILLIGAN Yeah. SKIPPER Dizziness. GILLIGAN Yeah. SKIPPER Ringing ears GILLIGAN Yeah. SKIPPER Sore head. GILLIGAN Oh Yeah. I hope I look bad enough. SKIPPER Don't worry Gilligan just be yourself. WRONG WAY (OFF SCREEN) Mary Ann!! CUT TO: EXT - JUNGLE - DAY Wrong Way is walking through the jungle looking for Mary Ann. WRONG WAY Mary Ann! (pause) You got any of that fried coconut left? CUT TO: PREVIOUS SHOT The skipper and Gilligan are ready to spring their deception on Wrong Way. The skipper gives Gilligan a pat on the back for encouragement. SKIPPER Get going. GILLIGAN Yes sir. Gilligan has taken on a sickly appearance and starts wheezing as he makes his way towards Wrong Way. CUT TO: EXT - CLEARING - DAY Gilligan begins his wheezing and is walking in a labored way as he encounters Wrong Way. Wrong Way notices Gilligan and becomes concerned. WRONG WAY Ah…oh Gilligan. What is it!? Gilligan begins wheezing more intently now. GILLIGAN (LABORED) Oh I feel terrible! WRONG WAY Wha…wha…wha…what's wrong!? GILLIGAN (LABORED) Oh…oh I got a dry mouth… CUT TO: CLOSE UP GILLIGAN'S HAND We see that the five major symptoms are written on Gilligan's fingers. GILLIGAN (LABORED) …ahhhhh stomach ache dizziness ringing ears and a sore head yeah that's it! CUT TO: PREVIOUS SHOT The skipper walks on camera faking concern for Gilligan. SKIPPER Gilligan! Little buddy! You look awful what's the matter!? GILLIGAN (LABORED) I got a dry mouth… Gilligan stops in mid sentence as he realizes the skipper already know. GILLIGAN …You know! WRONG WAY I seen him staggering along I don't know. SKIPPER Wha…wha…what do you think Wrong Way! Wrong Way helps Gilligan sit down at the table. WRONG WAY Ah…ah…ah could be ah jungle fever, then again… Wrong Way starts to poke at Gilligan. WRONG WAY …does it hurt here? Gilligan tries to repress his laughter at being tickled. GILLIGAN Ooo ooo ooo yeah! Ooo yeah! WRONG WAY I mean really hurt? GILLGIAN real bad real bad! WRONG WAY I don't believe it I don't believe it! SKIPPER Fever!? WRONG WAY No no it's another appendicitis you better get my monkey wrench! SKIPPER Oh no! I think your wrong Wrong Way The skipper feels Gilligan's forehead. SKIPPER He…he's hot! GILLIGAN Oh I'm burning up! I'm on fire I'm on fire! SKIPPER Bola Bola fever! WRONG WAY I…I thought it was Bola Bola fever but he don't have all the symptoms! SKIPPER He doesn't!? WRONG WAY No no…no! SKIPPER What are some of the other ones!? WRONG WAY Well, fainting spells for… Gilligan suddenly faints and falls to the ground. SKIPPER It's serious Wrong Way! WRONG WAY No it's not as serious, it's probably just a, twenty four hour Bola Bola. SKIPPER Well how do you know!? WRONG WAY Because with a serious Bola Bola you get nose bleeds! Gilligan has a horrified look on his face on hearing that. The skipper picks up Gilligan and is about to take him aside. SKIPPER We'll be right back! The skipper is about to take Gilligan away to add a little realism to Gilligan's symptoms. WRONG WAY No…no…no that's tropical Bola Bola fever! No with the Bola Bola you just have the fainting! Gilligan drops to the ground one more time. SKIPPER He's getting worse! He needs help! WRONG WAY Your right, maybe the professor can fix him up huh! SKIPPER Wrong Way he needs a doctor! WRONG WAY Wa… that would mean goin back to Hawaia. I'll have to think that over. Goin back to Hawaia? A look of desperation comes over Wrong Way's face as we… FADE OUT ACT TWO FADE IN: EXT - HUT CLEARING - DAY The skipper and Gilligan are sitting at the table contemplating what to do next. GILLIGAN Skipper, if I see Wrong Way, do I have to faint again? SKIPPER No you did it enough yesterday. We haven't convinced him by now it's just no use. GILLIGAN Good I hate to faint, it hurts when you hit the ground. Mary Ann walks on camera carrying a bamboo pole with large gourds on the ends filled with water. MARY ANN Good morning! SKIPPER Well there's not much… GILLIGAN Good morning. SKIPPER Oh good morning Mary Ann. MARY ANN Where's Wrong Way? Isn't he having breakfast? GILLIGAN He's probably asleep. MAY ANN Oh no he isn't I went down to wake him and he wasn't there! SKIPPER Well maybe he's down at the Lagoon! MARY ANN Oh, ok, your coffee will be ready in a minute. PROFESSOR (OFF SCREEN) Hey! At hearing the professor, Mary Ann turns to look and hits the skipper with one of the gourds splashing water. The professor comes running on camera carrying a bamboo pole with a white piece of paper attached to the end. PROFESSOR Gilligan! Everybody he's gone! SKIPPER Who's gone!? PROFESSOR Wrong Way! He's gone to get help! GILLIGAN Oh it worked it worked! Mr. Howell comes running on screen. MR HOWELL Wha…wha…what's all this excitement!? PROFESSOR It's Wrong Way, I found this note at the clearing! MR HOWELL Yes well read it. The professor takes the note and starts to read… PROFESSOR Listen. BEING A MAN OF CONSCIENCE AND PRINCIPLE, I FOUND MYSELF FACED WITH A DIFFICULT… MR HOWELL Never mind the memoirs, get to the important part! PROFESSOR Aaaah…AND SO, AND SO I DECIDED THAT GILLIGAN'S LIFE IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN MY SELFISH NEEDS. THUS I HAVE GONE TO THE MAIN LAND. IT'S A FAR FAR BETTER THING I DO. BE RIGHT BACK! MRS HOWELL Ooooh! Thurston we're going to be rescued! MR HOWELL Yes, unless he's gone the wrong way again! It is a possibility! FLIP TO: EXT - HUT CLEARING - DAY All the castaways are seated around the dining table with their suitcases and bags packed, waiting for Wrong Way's return. MRS HOWELL (DEPRESSINGLY) I wonder what's taking him so long! GINGER Hope he can find Hawaii. MARY ANN I wonder if they'll send a boat or a plane. MR HOWELL Where he landed they'll probably send a kayak. SKIPPER You know the first thing I do when I get back is I'm going to have a thick juicy steak! MARY ANN Gee I can hardly wait to see my mother I've never been gone this long without calling her. GILLIGAN Me too. GINGER I can't wait to see my name up in lights. Ginger Googenhiemer. GILLIGAN Isn't your name Ginger Grant? GINGER Yeah but if my names going to be in lights, I want as many lights as I can get. SKIPPER Oh…I think I'll have a nice ice cold beer too! PROFESSOR I just want to sleep in a nice soft bed. What are you going to do Mr. Howell? MR HOWELL Double the rent! MRS HOWELL Awe Thurston! MR HOWELL Is that wrong Lovey? MRS HOWELL Well of course it is! Triple the rent! Suddenly an airplane can be heard by the castaways. CUT TO: STOCK SHOT OF BIPLANE CUT TO: PREVIOUS SHOT SKIPPER A plane! GILLIGAN I think I see Wrong Way's plane! SKIPPER Lets go towards the clearing! The castaways are totally excited and are making exclamations ad lib as they rush their way towards the clearing where Wrong Way is going to land. FADE TO: EXT - CLEARING - DAY - COCKPIT VIEW - FORWARD As in the beginning, the castaways have gathered in the clearing where Wrong Way has landed his plane. We can see the castaways from Wrong Ways view point in the cockpit waving and cheering. CUT TO: CLOSE SHOT - WRONG WAY The castaways are standing next to the plane as Wrong Way unstraps from the cockpit and stands up. GILLIGAN Hey Wrong Way! You made it back! WRONG WAY Mission accomplished! GINGER Awe you did it Wrong Way you did it! WRONG WAY Oh please…please. Ah bein a man of conscience and principle, I found myself faced… MR HOWELL What is that your graduation speech! We've heard that before! Wrong Way reaches into the plane and brings out a bottle of something. While giving Mr. Howell a dirty look. WRONG WAY Well here you are Gilligan. GILLIGAN What is it? WRONG WAY The Bola Bola serum. PROFESSOR Well what about a doctor isn't someone following you? WRONG WAY Certainly not! I had a heck of a time gettin that without bein noticed! SKIPPER You mean you didn't contact anyone!? WRONG WAY And give up our privacy!? Your lucky nobody seen me leave! I had to take off behind a pack of pelicans! GINGER You mean nobody knows we're here!? WRONG WAY (HAPPILY) Not from me!! Ginger lets out a moan and faints. WRONG WAY Oh…fainted huh? Mrs. Howell on seeing Ginger faint, faints herself. WRONG WAY Ahhhh…it's a good thing I got back in time, looks like an epidemic! FADE TO: EXT - JUNGLE RIDGE - DAY The skipper, Gilligan and the professor are back on top of the ridge with the telescope. The professor is looking through the telescope at the horizon. GILLIGAN See anything professor? PROFESSOR No not yet. SKIPPER We should keep looking. Somebody might have followed him. GILLIGAN Here I'll take over for a while. Gilligan starts looking through the telescope as the professor had done. PROFESSOR Boy I was sure Wrong Way was going to come back with a doctor. SKIPPER In our state of mind he should have brought back a psychiatrist! Gilligan was scanning the interior of the island and not the oceans horizon. GILLIGAN Hey there's Wrong Way! CUT TO: CIRCULAR MASKED CLOSE UP - WRONG WAY AGAINST TREE SKIPPER (OFF SCREEN) Wonderful. GILLIGAN (OFF SCREEN) He's leaning up against a tree. PROFESSOR (OFF SCREEN) Well I guess he's got what he wants. SKIPPER (OFF SCREEN) Peace and serenity. CUT TO: PREVIOUS SHOT SKIPPER Oooo what I wouldn't give for a little NOISE! GILLIGAN Me too. I miss all the shoving and shouting and pushing. PROFESSOR I could use a little of that myself. Saturday night at the library. The hustle and the bustle at the reference desk. SKIPPER Give Wrong Way a little hustle bustle. Shake him up a bit! PROFESSOR Say what if we did give Wrong Way a little hustle bustle? GILLIGAN He'd get so mad he'd leave the island! SKIPPER That's IT! We'll give him exactly what he's been complaining about! We'll make this island twice as bad as civilization! PROFESSOR He'll sure be glad to get out of here! SKIPPER RIGHT!! FLIP TO: STOCK SHOT OF OCEAN BEACH EARLY MORNING FADE TO: INT - HUT - MORNING We see Wrong Way sleeping in his hammock as a terrible noise of construction is heard. The noise is making Wrong Way toss and turn. The noise finally wakes up Wrong Way who is confused about what he hears. He gets up and starts to head outside. PAN/FOLLOW TO: EXT - HUT CLEARING - MORNING We see Wrong Way as he heads out of the hut and we see the construction project that the skipper, Gilligan and the professor are working on complete with hammering and sawing. Wrong Way walks out to the construction site with a confused and agitated expression. WRONG WAY What's goin on here!! SKIPPER Well everybody up, it's time to work! CUT TO: EXT - CLEARING - MORNING WRONG WAY WORK!? SKIPPER Well certainly, didn't you know? We're trying to build a city! WRONG WAY A city? PROFESSOR Sure, just like back home. GILLIGAN Yeah we got to get civilized. WRONG WAY Ah…fine, you'z fellas get civilized I'm goin back to bed. SKIPPER Just a minute Wrong Way not so fast! The skipper picks up a sledge hammer. SKIPPER Now you take this sledge and get over there and start driving those stakes in. WRONG WAY Why me!! SKIPPER Everyone does his part! WRONG WAY Wha…wha…What's your part!? SKIPPER My part is to see that you do your part, I'm the foreman now start driving that stake in the ground! Wrong Way gives the skipper a dirty look and takes the sledge hammer to where the stake is. He makes an attempt to drive the stake in, but because the sledge is so heavy, wrong Way falls over as we… FADE TO: EXT - CLEARING - DAY Wrong Way is seen pedaling a bicycle power unit that is driving a fifty gallon drum lying on it's side. Ginger is standing beside him watching. GINGER You better hurry up with the clay. The professor's waiting to bake the bricks. WRONG WAY (EXHAUSTED) Ah this is the first time I ever been in a six day clay race. Just then a Conch shell horn can be heard blowing. WRONG WAY What's that? INGER Coffee break. WRONG WAY (EXHAUSTED) Thank goodness. Wrong Way stops pedaling and wants to take a rest. GINGER (FRANTIC) Hey don't stop! The clay is hardening! Wrong Way starts pedaling again, As he lets out a groan of exhaustion. WRONG WAY How am I gonna drink my coffee!? GINGER I'll get it for you. Don't slow down, the clay'll harden. Ginger walks over and comes back with a soup ladle made from a coconut with a bamboo shaft. GINGER Here you are. She holds it for Wrong Way as he takes a sip. Wrong Way's reaction to the coffee is one of revolt. WRONG WAY That's awful!! What is that!? GINGER It's coffee! WRONG WAY It's coffee!!? GINGER Oh we make it from fish! I mean the instant's not as good as the regular but…here. She tries to give Wrong Way another taste. WRONG WAY No I don't want anymore! Ginger notices that Wrong Way is at his breaking point and decides to push him even further. GINGER SKIPPER! He's ready! WRONG WAY A little cream cheese on a roll? A prune Danish? The skipper carrying more clay powder walks from the jungle and starts to pour it in the drum for Wrong Way to stir. Wrong Way has stopped his pedaling. SKIPPER Well come on don't stop pumping wrong Way there's lots more clay where this came from! Wrong Way starts again and is getting extremely tired. Ginger helps Wrong Way by pushing his legs up and down SKIPPER Pump, that's it pump! FLIP TO: EXT - JUNGLE - DAY We open by seeing a hand made sign that reads "FREEWAY UNDER CONSTRUCTION" as Mr. And Mrs. Howell are off screen in a wooded part of the island. Gilligan brings Wrong Way over to the Howells. GILLIGAN OK Wrong Way, you work here for a while on the freeway. WRONG WAY Freewa…What do we need a freeway for we…we don't even have one single car!!? MRS HOWELL Well we can't let everything go to the last minute! GILLIGAN Mr. Howell is in charge see you later! Gilligan walks off camera as Wrong Way is now stuck helping the Howells. MR HOWELL Oh ah you're the new man Aye? WRONG WAY Oh I ain't never done this kind of work before. MRS HOWELL You'll adore it!! Getting down to mother earth! There's nothing like the feeling of dirt against your opera gloves! WRONG WAY FREEWAY!! MRS HOWELL Well how else are we going to get down to the new music center!? MR HOWELL Ah not to mention the art museum and the city hall, you see it's part of our slum clearance project! Mr. And Mrs. Howell are raking the ground when they get their rakes locked together. MRS HOWELL Ooooo darling how marvelous! We haven't even finished the freeway and we've had our first accident! MR HOWELL (TO WRONG WAY) Just don't stand there get to work! Mr. Howell hands Wrong Way an axe. WRONG WAY An Axe!? MR HOWELL Yes you have to work over here you see, and when you finished chopping that tree down (pause) there's fifteen more just like it over there! FLIP TO: EXT - JUNGLE – EVENING Wrong Way is seen dragging himself through the jungle. We pan along with him as he comes into the clearing. He barely manages to stager over to a table and sit down. Mary Ann is present and is cleaning up dishes from dinner. MARY ANN Well how'd it go Wrong Way are you finished? WRONG WAY (VERY TIRED) Just about. What's for supper? MARY ANN Soup and salad, fish oh yes and uh, Ginger made one of her delicious deserts. WRONG WAY Oh great cause I'm almost starved! MARY ANN Awe, to bad you missed it! Mary Ann takes away something Wrong Way found on the table and is trying to eat. Wrong Way breaks down and starts to cry. CUT TO: INT - SKIPPER & GILLIGAN'S HUT - NIGHT Gilligan and the skipper are in side by side hammocks with Wrong Way in the middle between them. The hammocks are lightly swinging back and forth and nearly touch Wrong Way with every swing. GILLIGAN Tired huh Wrong Way? WRONG WAY (SARCASTIC) What ever gave you that idea. SKIPPER Ah that's one thing that's so nice about the islands. Peace and quiet. No traffic noises to wake you up. No noisy neighbors. WRONG WAY Wha…can't you two shut up and get a little sleep! GILLIGAN Good night Wrong Way. WRONG WAY Ah yeah. SKIPPER Good night Wrong Way. Wrong Way does not respond. SKIPPER I said good night! WRONG WAY Good night already! GILLIGAN Skipper, do you mind if I read? SKIPPER No not at all. GILLIGAN How about you Wrong Way? WRONG WAY (MUMBLED) no no Gilligan lights his lantern and then places it on Wrong Ways chest so he can see to read. WRONG WAY Hey what is this a hut or a light house!! GILLIGAN I don't want to hurt my eyes. Gilligan opens a comic book and starts to read. GILLIGAN Let's see. Reggy stood at the door way, his finger on the trigger of a snub nose thirty eight. His eyes were transfixed…(pause) Hey skipper? What does this mean here? Gilligan leans over to the skipper and points to some words in the comic book. He's definitely invading Wrong Ways space. SKIPPER What? GILLIGAN Here. SKIPPER Where? Wrong Ways had enough. WRONG WAY Do you mind!? SKIPPER I'm not sure Gilligan. WRONG WAY Please, I gotta get some sleep!! SKIPPER Alright Gilligan, turn off the light. Wrong Way lets out a moan. Gilligan, now having turned off the light, reaches over and pulls out an apple. He starts eating it with loud crunching sounds. WRONG WAY What is it an Earth quake!? GILLIGAN No it's an apple, do you want one? WRONG WAY No. SKIPPER Oh hey you got any carrots over there? GILLIGAN No, I got some celery. SKIPPER Oh good. Gilligan hands the skipper an entire stalk of celery. The skipper starts to eat the celery, again with a loud crunching sound. WRONG WAY Couldn't you eat a nice quiet banana? Get some SLEEP! SKIPPER Oh Wrong Way? You can sleep late tomorrow morning. WRONG WAY I can!? SKIPPER Sure tomorrow's Saturday. WRONG WAY (EXCITEDLY) Oh that's wonderful! Wonderful! Tha…thank you skipper! Thank you! It's wonderful I can sleep! I can sleep! Gilligan and the skipper are still making horrible crunching sounds when suddenly Wrong Way sits up with a depressed look on his face. GILLIGAN What's the matter? WRONG WAY I'm too excited, I can't sleep! FADE TO: EXT - HUT CLEARING - MORNING All the castaways are sitting around the table talking about Wrong Way. PROFESSOR Where is he now? SKIPPER Well he's probably down at the lagoon, I haven't let him wash in three days. MR HOWELL Well I HOPE he's down there! GILLIGAN He better break pretty soon or we will. MR HOWELL I can't work anymore, I've got to get excused tomorrow. I…I promise Lovey will give me a note. PROFESSOR Well we got to keep this up, even at our own expense. CUT TO: WRONG WAY IN COCKPIT CUT TO: EXT - JUNGLE CLEARING - MORNING Wrong Way is seen in his airplane preparing for takeoff. CUT TO: EXT - HUT CLEARING - MORNING MARY ANN Isn't that Wrong Way's plane? PROFESSOR Yes it must be! SKIPPER Come ON! MR HOWELL Lovey, run…run! All the castaways spring from the table and run out of the clearing and into the jungle. CUT TO: WRONG WAY IN COCKPIT CUT TO: EXT - JUNGLE CLEARING - MORNING The castaways have just missed Wrong Way as they enter the clearing which is still blowing with dust and dirt from the departing Wrong Way. SKIPPER Happy FLIGHT!! CUT TO: STOCK SHOT BIPLANE FLYING CUT TO: CLOSE UP WRONG WAY IN COCKPIT CUT TO: EXT - JUNGLE CLEARING - MORNING The castaways are still standing in the clearing watching Wrong Way airplane. GILLIGAN Well, there he goes! MRS HOWELL This time I hope he tells somebody! PROFESSOR Why shouldn't he? No reason to keep it a secret. We don't have a paradise anymore! SKIPPER Well even if he doesn't tell anyone we'll still be rescued! GINGER We will? GILLIGAN Sure, the skipper loaded that plane with maps and notes, somebody's bound to find'em! CUT TO: STOCK SHOT BILPLANE DOING A ROLL CUT TO: PREVIOUS SHOT SKIPPER I didn't think we were ever going to get off this island but, this time it's in the bag! Even Wrong Way can't mess it up! MARY ANN Oh it's too good to be true! GINGER Imagine we're really going home! MR HOWELL Oh that crazy wonderful fool, I'll give him that oil well even if it is a dry one! CUT TO: STOCK SHOT BIPLANE FLYING UPSIDE DOWN CUT TO: CLOSE UP WRONG WAY UPSIDE DOWN CUT TO: EXT - JUNGLE CLEARING – MORNING Gilligan and the others are still watching Wrong Way fly over head and out of view. GILLIGAN Good luck Wrong Way!! We can hear the plane fly over head as we… FADE OUT EPILOG FADE IN EXT - HUT CLEARING - DAY Everyone is seated at the table except Gilligan. GINGER Anybody want anything to eat? MARY ANN Oh we should have heard something by now he's been gone three days. PROFESSOR Well I'm afraid there's always the possibility he could have crashed. SKIPPER Yes I thought about that but I was afraid to say anything. MRS HOWELL Oh no he couldn't have! MR HOWELL Well don't worry dear, he's probably covered! PROFESSOR Well…I'm sure at least he tried. GINGER Oh yes, we have to give him credit for trying. Suddenly Gilligan comes running on camera with a bottle in his hand. GILLIGAN Hey skipper! Skipper skipper! SKIPPER What is it!? GILLIGAN (OVERY EXCITED) A note, there's a note from Wrong Way!! In a bottle! I found it down there at the beach! SKIPPER Let me see that! The skipper takes the bottle and removes the note and starts to read it. SKIPPER I CHARTED MY COURSE FOR HONOLULU BUT ODDLY ENOUGH I LOST MY BEARINGS WHEN I FLEW INTO THE EYE OF A VIOLENT CLOUD. FADE TO: WRONGE WAY WITH HULA DANCERS Wrong way is seen sitting up against a tree as two Hula dancers with their backs to the camera dance for him. Another native woman is attending Wrong Ways needs. This continues as the skipper reads the note. SKIPPER SOMEHOW I LANDED ON A BEAUTIFUL TROPICAL ISLAND AND HAVE FINALLY FOUND THE PARADISE I WAS LOOKING FOR. ALTHOUGH I'M PROBABLY NOT AS HAPPY AS YOU ARE, IT'S GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME. MAYBE NEXT TIME I'LL MAKE IT TO HONOLULU. FADE TO: PREVIOUS SHOT SKIPPER BEST WISHES W. W. FELDMAN Well that's it! He left us high and dry! Gilligan can be seen reading the bottle the note came in. GILLIGAN Skipper? We got more trouble. The skipper has a startled reaction. SKIPPER Wha…what!? GILLIGAN It says, RETURN THE EMPTY. Everyone is looking at Gilligan as we… FADE OUT END CREDITS GILLIGAN'S ISLAND "Return of Wrong Way Feldman" Rev. 03/13/65