TEASER

FADE IN:

EXT. LAGOON - DAY

A Headhunter paddles an outrigger through the lagoon and onto the lagoon beach. He steps out and surveys the area for threats and a spot to hide the outrigger. He picks up the outrigger and hides it in the foliage nearby. The headhunter has four heads hanging from his belt. After hiding the outrigger, he looks around and spots Gilligan approaching. The headhunter hides in the jungle.

EXT. JUNGLE - DAY

Gilligan, holding a butterfly net, crawls along the ground until he spots a

MONARCH BUTTERFLY

sits motionless on foliage.

BACK TO SCENE

Gilligan strikes at the butterfly with his net but the butterfly flies away before the net falls. Gilligan looks in the net, but the butterfly has eluded him.

EXT. LAGOON BEACH

Mary Ann, dressed in black swimming suit and a bathing cap, prepares to dive into the lagoon. She drapes her towel on a large tree nearby. Mary Ann dives into the water.

EXT. JUNGLE - DAY

GILLIGAN

sits quietly with the butterfly on his head. PULL BACK to Gilligan preparing to catch it with the butterfly net. He puts the net entirely over his head, trapping the butterfly inside the net.

GILLIGAN

Ah -- gotch ya! Now I'll add you to my collection if I can figure how to get us out.

EXT. LAGOON - DAY

Mary Ann flails and struggles in the water.

MARY ANN

Help! Help!

Mary Ann sinks beneath the surface of the lagoon.

EXT. JUNGLE - DAY

GILLIGAN

Somebody's yelling for help. It's Mary Ann!

Gilligan pulls the net off of his head. The butterfly escapes and flies away.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

I'll get you later.

EXT. LAGOON - DAY

Mary Ann bobs in the water.

MARY ANN

Somebody, help!

Gilligan stands on the lagoon store and calls out to Mary Ann.

GILLIGAN

Hold on! I'll save you, Mary Ann!

Gilligan dives into the water. He swims to Mary Ann.

MARY ANN

Help! Save me! Help! Help! Save me!

Gilligan reaches Mary Ann. Mary Ann clings to Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

Here, Mary Ann.

Mary Ann inadvertently pushes Gilligan down into the water.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Mary Ann!

They both go under the water and pop back up. Mary Ann screams. Mary Ann pushes Gilligan down.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Help!

Mary Ann pushes Gilligan under the water.

SKIPPER

appears out of the jungle and runs toward the water.

BACK TO SCENE

They both bob out of the water.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Help!

MARY ANN

Help!

Gilligan goes under the water.

GILLIGAN

Help!

SKIPPER

runs toward the water and throws himself into the lagoon.

SKIPPER

Hang on!

Skipper makes a big splash.

GILLIGAN

That's what I say, "Help, help"!

Skipper swims to them. Mary Ann puts her arm around Skipper.

SKIPPER

Calm down, Mary Ann!

EXT. LAGOON BEACH - DAY

Headhunter watches them from the shore.

EXT. LAGOON BEACH - DAY

SKIPPER (O.S.)

Come here, Gilligan!

EXT. LAGOON

Skipper slowly walks out of the lagoon, holding Gilligan under one arm and Mary Ann under the other. Gilligan coughs.

ZOOM TO

Headhunter watches them from the jungle edge.

FADE OUT.

END TEASER

ACT ONE

FADE IN:

EXT. GILLIGAN'S ISLAND - ESTABLISHING SHOT - DAY

EXT. CAMP - DAY

Mr. Howell points a single-lens reflex camera with flash bulbs at Skipper. Mrs. Howell stands nearby. Skipper poses with his arms folded across his chest. Mary Ann sits on the dining table. Gilligan stands next to the dining table on the side opposite side from Mary Ann.

MR HOWELL

Now, when I get this picture, I'm going to put it on the front page of every newspaper in my chain, with the caption: "Heroic rescue at sea." There we are, Skipper. Hold it!

Mr. Howell takes the shot and the FLASH BULB POPS. He ejects the flash bulb. Mrs. Howell walks over to Skipper, holding a piece of paper roughly the size of a check.

MRS HOWELL

Now take one of me presenting our hero with a check. It goes with the Howell medal for bravery.

SKIPPER

The Howell medal for bravery?

MARY ANN

You deserve it, Skipper.

Gilligan looks like he's uncomfortable with all the attention lavished on Skipper.

MR HOWELL

I've been saving this film for such a suitable occasion.

Mr. Howell raises the camera to take another picture.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

There you are, Lovey, smile.

Mrs. Howell mugs for Mr. Howell's camera. The FLASH BULB POPS. Skipper blinks his eyes as if he were seeing spots.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

There we are.

Mr. Howell tosses the spent flashbulb aside.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

Now let's get one with Mary Ann.

Mr. Howell nudges Skipper toward the dining table where Mary Ann sits.

SKIPPER

Another picture, Mister Howell?

Mr. Howell replaces the flash bulb.

MR HOWELL

We newshawks get our nose in a story, let me tell you something, we're insatiable.

Skipper sits down next to Mary Ann. Mr. Howell lines up the camera shot.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

Now, our hero and the little girl that he rescued.

Mary Ann and Skipper pose for the picture

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

There we are.

Mr. Howell shoos Gilligan out of his shot.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

Gilligan, will you get out of the way, please?

GILLIGAN

Sure, Mister Howell.

Gilligan walks away from the dining table.

MR HOWELL

Now, will you show a little knee, please?

Skipper laughs uncomfortably and pulls his pant leg up. Mr. Howell lowers the camera.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

Not you, Skipper. Mary Ann. Cheesecake.

Mary Ann tugs on the hem of her skirt and raises it slightly above her knee. Mary Ann and Skipper snuggle closely. Mr. Howell takes the shot and the FLASH BULB POPS. Mr. Howell turns around to face the jungle. Gilligan sits on a large boulder.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

Just what I like, a leafy background.

Mr. Howell raises his camera, realizes Gilligan is in his shot, and shoos him.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

Will you get out of there, my boy?

Gilligan stands and walks to the side. Skipper and Mary Ann walk over to the boulder. Mr. Howell directs them to the boulder.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

Nice pose there.

Skipper sits on the boulder. Mary Ann sits on his lap.

MRS HOWELL

Isn't it exciting having a real hero on the island?

GILLIGAN

Yeah.

Skipper looks at the camera. Mary Ann kisses Skipper lightly on the cheek. The FLASH BULB POPS. Skipper blinks as if he's seeing spots. Mary Ann smiles broadly.

MRS HOWELL

Skipper will go down in history like John Paul Jones or Horatio Hornblower or Henry van Rootbaum.

GILLIGAN

Henry van Rootbaum?

MRS HOWELL

Yes. The little Dutch boy who held his finger in the dike and saved a whole city.

GILLIGAN

He held his finger in a dike and saved a whole city? Which one?

MRS HOWELL

I'm not quite sure, but I think it was this one.

Mrs. Howell raises her right hand and extends her pinky. Mr. Howell asks Skipper and Mary Ann to pose for another shot.

MR HOWELL

There you are, Skipper. Just one more. That's it. Hold it.

Mary Ann stretches out and gives a big wave. The FLASH BULB POPS. Skipper blinks. Mary Ann puts her arms around Skipper, her hero.

MRS HOWELL

He's handsome, isn't he?

GILLIGAN

You know, I swam out to save Mary Ann. I dove in and swam as fast as I could --

MRS HOWELL

Yes, Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

The water was real cold, but I jumped in, and I was swimming very hard.

Professor and Ginger emerge from the jungle path.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Hey, Professor, did you happen to see when I dove in the water -- to swim to Mary Ann? I swam very
fa --

PROFESSOR

No, I didn't, Gilligan. All I saw was the Skipper carrying you both out.

GINGER

You must be very proud to have such a brave skipper.

GILLIGAN

Yeah.

Mr. Howell crouches to line up another camera shot.

MR HOWELL

No. Get closer together. That's it. I like that composition.

Mrs. Howell sits next to Skipper. Mary Ann continues to sit on Skipper's lap.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

It's gonna look so good in the paper.

The FLASH BULB POPS. Skipper blinks.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

There's only one picture left in this roll and I want it to be a good one. Where's Gilligan?

GILLIGAN

You want me, Mister Howell? You want me in the picture?

Gilligan runs over to Mr. Howell.

MR HOWELL

No, no, no. I want you to take it, because I want to be in it. Get in the picture, Ginger.

Mr. Howell sits next to Mrs. Howell.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

Ginger, you sit here,

(slaps his knee)

and, Professor, you in the back.

Ginger sits on Mr. Howell's lap. Professor stands behind them. Mr. Howell puts his arm around Ginger.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

Makes nice composition. Everyone look at the Skipper.

Mrs. Howell glares at Mr. Howell.

GILLIGAN

Is everybody ready?

Mrs. Howell continues glaring at Mr. Howell. He notices her glare and frowns back. Gilligan raises the camera to take the shot. The FLASH BULB POPS. Skipper blinks.

MR HOWELL

Oh, that was very, very good.

Ginger gets up from Mr. Howell's lap. Mrs. Howell continues to look at Mr. Howell. Skipper shakes Mr. Howell's hand.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

Yes, I'll see you on the front page --

SKIPPER

Oh, thank you, Mister Howell.

Skipper shakes Ginger's hand.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Ginger.

MR HOWELL

You were marvelous, too.

Gilligan finds no joy in Skipper heroism and walks away.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. HOWELLS HUT - DAY

MRS. HOWELL

stands with pencil in one hand and notepad in the other.

MRS HOWELL

Now, I'm going to give you a list of words. I want you to say the first thing that comes to your mind when I say them.

Mrs. Howell sits down. PULL BACK to reveal Gilligan laying on a chaise lounge chair.

MRS HOWELL (cont'd)

Ready?

Gilligan grunts in the affirmative.

MRS HOWELL (cont'd)

Marshmallow.

GILLIGAN

Ouch.

MRS HOWELL

Sunset.

GILLIGAN

Ouch!

MRS HOWELL

Tree.

GILLIGAN

Ouch!

MRS HOWELL

Really, Gilligan. I can't psychoanalyze you if all you can say is "ouch."

GILLIGAN

I don't know, Missus Howell. Maybe it's because I'm sitting on this

(pulls out flattened hat)

and this.

Gilligan pulls out a bird feather quill. Mrs. Howell rolls her eyes.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. JUNGLE PUTTING GREEN - DAY

Mr. Howell puts as Mrs. Howell walks up carrying a parasol. Skipper holds a golf bag. Mr. Howell misses his put.

MRS HOWELL

Oh, there you are, Thurston.

MR HOWELL

Please, Lovey, not while I'm putting.

MRS HOWELL

I thought you'd want to hear about Gilligan.

SKIPPER

We do. What seems to be wrong with my little buddy?

Mrs. Howell points at Skipper.

MRS HOWELL

You.

SKIPPER

Me?

MRS HOWELL

Yes, you. In his subconscious mind, he envies you. He wants to be like you.

MR HOWELL

Well, I must say that seems strange.

SKIPPER

What seems strange about it?

MR HOWELL

Well, I can -- I mean, envying me, but --

SKIPPER

What's wrong with envying me? After all, I am a hero.

MRS HOWELL

That's really Gilligan's problem. You're a hero, and he's not. That makes him feel small and insignificant. It gives him a sense of inferiority. Oh, it's a very simple neurosis, somewhat like an inferiority complex.

MR HOWELL

Inferiority complex? Heavens! I hope it isn't catching.

SKIPPER

Missus Howell, what can we do to cure this?

MRS HOWELL

Well, uh, Gilligan needs recognition. Something for his ego, I mean.

SKIPPER

Oh, I see. He wants to be a hero, huh? Well, I know just the guy who can arrange it.

MR HOWELL

Who?

SKIPPER

That little old hero maker, me.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. FALLEN TREE - DAY

Skipper and Ginger walk from the jungle path to a sandy clearing. A large fallen tree sits on the sand.

SKIPPER

Just a little further, Ginger.

They walk up to the fallen tree.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Here we are. Now, what do you see?

GINGER

Well, it looks like a fallen log to me.

SKIPPER

Exactly, but it's the answer to Gilligan's problems. Gonna make a hero out of him. Watch.

Skipper lies down on the sand and slips his legs under the tree so it looks like the tree fell on him.

GINGER

Be careful, Skipper.

SKIPPER

Oh, don't worry. I know exactly what I'm doing.

Skipper covers the space between the tree and his legs with sand.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Now, here's the plan: I'm gonna be trapped under this tree, and Gilligan's gonna save me, get it?

GINGER

Oh, yeah. Well, what am I supposed to do?

SKIPPER

Well, I want you to run back and get Gilligan. Now, I'm trapped under here, and I'll lie here and moan and groan.

Skipper lies back with his arm against his forehead and moans and groans.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

How does that sound?

GINGER

You gotta project a little more, from the diaphragm, like this.

Ginger groans from her diaphragm. Skipper tries to emulate her. He presses on his diaphragm while he moans and groans. Skipper looks to Ginger. Ginger more strongly projects her moans from the diaphragm. Skipper mimics Ginger.

SKIPPER

How do you like that?

GINGER

Richard Burton's got nothing to worry about. You keep practicing. I'll go get Gilligan.

Ginger turns and walks toward the jungle path.

GINGER (cont'd)

Help! Help!

ANGLE FROM SKIPPER'S FEET

Skipper practices his moans from the diaphragm. Behind him in the jungle, the headhunter appears.

HEADHUNTER

carries a large blade.

INT. BOYS HUT - DAY

Gilligan rests in his hammock.

GINGER (O.S.)

Gilligan, help! The Skipper needs you!

Gilligan sits up.

GILLIGAN

Help! Somebody help the Skipper.

Gilligan tumbles out of his bunk into the lower bunk, and then onto the ground.

EXT. CAMP - DAY

Mary Ann pedals the oil drum washing machine.

MARY ANN

What's the matter?

GINGER

It's nothing. It's just for Gilligan.

GINGER (cont'd)

Gilligan, help! The Skipper needs you!

GILLIGAN

Here I am. What's the matter?

GINGER

The most terrible thing has happened to the Skipper. A tree fell on him. You've got to save his life.

GILLIGAN

I've gotta save his life. Only one thing. Which way?

GINGER

Down the end of the path.

GILLIGAN

Okay. Follow me! Follow me!

Gilligan runs into Mary Ann's clothesline, which is strung between the hut and a bamboo pole next to the washing machine. The clothesline stretches like bungee cords and recoils, tossing Gilligan to the ground at Ginger's feet. Gilligan rises to his knees. Gilligan puts his hand on his neck. Gilligan stands up.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

(hoarsely)

Maybe I better follow you.

Ginger hikes her dress up, and runs under the clothesline. Still holding his neck, Gilligan follows her. Mary Ann continues to pedal the washing machine.

EXT. FALLEN TREE - DAY

Skipper moans and groans from the diaphragm.

EXT. JUNGLE PATH - DAY

GILLIGAN

Here I come, Skipper.

EXT. FALLEN TREE - DAY

ANGLE FROM SKIPPER'S FEET

Headhunter crawls across the sand, raising the large blade.

GILLIGAN (O.S.)

Don't lose your head, Skipper!

Headhunter hears Gilligan calling to him and retreats back into the jungle.

NEW ANGLE

GILLIGAN

Here I am. Are you all right?

SKIPPER

Oh, thank heavens! Gilligan, you're the only one who can save me.

GINGER

Get that heavy log off him. You've got to do something.

GILLIGAN

I don't know. It's quite a problem.

Gilligan sits on the fallen tree. Skipper groans in actual pain. Gilligan stands up.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Sorry, Skipper.

SKIPPER

Gilligan, I don't mean to tell you how to be a hero, but if I were you, I would think about Archimedes and his rule.

GILLIGAN

Of what and who?

SKIPPER

Archimedes. He's the man who said, "Give me a lever, and I will move the world."

GILLIGAN

Oh, yeah? Maybe we ought to get him.

SKIPPER

He's been dead for over a thousand years.

GILLIGAN

Yeah? Well, isn't it kind of late to be bringing him up?

Skipper moans and groans.

GINGER

You've got to do something. Look, he's suffering, the poor Skipper.

GILLIGAN

I don't know quite what to do.

Gilligan tries to lift the fallen tree by hand.

SKIPPER

It's -- Gilligan, if you were lying under here, and I was you, I'd look around and realize I could make some rope out of those vines, and then I'd put it around that tree and use it for leverage.

GILLIGAN

Skipper, I wish you wouldn't talk so much. It's very hard for me to think.

Gilligan notices the tree behind him.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Oh, I know. I'll take this vine, make it into a rope then I could throw it there, and tie it on the bottom, and I'd get some leverage.

SKIPPER

Now you're getting somewhere.

GILLIGAN

You see, Skipper? Give me a little time, I can figure out things.

SKIPPER

Aren't I lucky to have a hero like Gilligan come to rescue me?

GINGER

Oh, yes, isn't it wonderful? He's one in a million, Skipper. Just one in a million.

Mary Ann and Mrs. Howell emerge from the jungle path.

MARY ANN

Well, what's going on here?

GINGER

Oh! The Skipper's pinned under the log and Gilligan's going to get him out.

MRS HOWELL

Oh, isn't it exciting? We're actually going to see a real hero in action.

MARY ANN

Oh, Gilligan, you're wonderful.

MRS HOWELL

This calls for a celebration. Let's go back to my hut and celebrate.

Mrs. Howell turns toward the jungle path. Gilligan wraps the vine over the tree branch.

SKIPPER

Wait a minute, Missus Howell! I don't want to be a party pooper, but our hero hasn't done anything yet.

Gilligan straddles the fallen tree. He lines up the vines to act as a pulley system.

MRS HOWELL

Oh, yes. Well, go ahead and do something. Don't just stand there. Save the man's life.

GILLIGAN

Yes, ma'am.

Straddling the fallen tree, Gilligan sits on it and pulls on the vines. Skipper

SKIPPER

Gilligan!

Gilligan barely stands, the vines move, and the fallen tree lifts up and falls back down on the Skipper's legs. Skipper cries out in pain. Gilligan moves to Skipper's side of the fallen tree. He pulls on the vine and the tree rises!

The women watch in eager anticipation.

Gilligan struggles, but manages to pull on the vines enough to lift the fallen tree a bit more.

GILLIGAN

Okay. Skipper, get ready now. Pull your legs out.

Gilligan slips and his legs slide under the tree. He releases the vine and the fallen tree pins both of their legs under it. The women exclaim in horror.

ANGLE ON SKIPPER AND GILLIGAN FROM THEIR FEET

SKIPPER

Nice going, Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

I'm sorry, Skipper. They're not making vines like they used to.

BACK TO SCENE

MARY ANN

What are we gonna do now?

MRS HOWELL

Let's get the Professor. He'll know what to do. He's a professor.

GINGER

Ooh, right. Now, you boys stay right where you are.

MARY ANN

Oh, don't go away. We'll be right back.

HEADHUNTER

emerges from the jungle behind Skipper and Gilligan. He gets on his hands and knees. And carries his large blade.

ANGLE FROM THEIR FEET

as the headhunter crawls toward the Skipper and Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

Cheer up, Skipper. The Professor will be here in a minute. He'll figure out something.

SKIPPER

I hope so. I've got a terrible headache. I feel like my head is gonna split.

GILLIGAN

You got any aspirin?

SKIPPER

No, I haven't got any aspirin.

The headhunter rolls back onto his knees and backswings to strike with his large blade.

GILLIGAN

Let's see. What else can you do for a headache?

MRS HOWELL (O.S.)

This way, Professor.

On hearing Mrs. Howell, the headhunter retreats back into the jungle. Mrs. Howell, Professor, Ginger, and Mary Ann walk down the jungle path toward Skipper and Gilligan.

MRS HOWELL

There they are. We were all set to hail the conquering hero, and now look at them.

PROFESSOR

I see. All right, we'll have you out in a jiffy. Come on girls, give me a hand here.

Professor, Ginger, and Mary Ann lift the fallen tree by using their arms and backs, not their legs.

MRS HOWELL

Go on, girls. Ready? One, two, three.

They lift the fallen tree. While they hold it up, Gilligan and Skipper remove their legs from under it.

SKIPPER

Thanks a lot, Professor.

MRS HOWELL

I knew the Professor would know what to do. Come on. Now we can have our party.

Mary Ann, Mrs. Howell, Professor, Ginger, and Skipper head up the jungle path. Gilligan trails behind.

GILLIGAN

All I needed was some help.

GILLIGAN

looks over at the jungle.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Maybe I should've asked that headhunter over there for a hand.

HEADHUNTER

stands at the edge of the jungle, looking at Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

does a double-take.

BACK TO SCENE

Gilligan runs away from the headhunter and up the jungle path.

FADE OUT.

END OF ACT ONE

ACT TWO

FADE IN:

EXT. GILLIGAN'S ISLAND - ESTABLISHING SHOT - DAY

INT. BOYS HUT - DAY

Mrs. Howell stands next to Gilligan's bunk. Gilligan lies back in it. Mrs. Howell gently swings the hammock.

GILLIGAN

But I tell you I saw him, a great, big headhunter.

MRS HOWELL

Yes, yes, I know.

GILLIGAN

I know you don't believe me, but it's true. He had skulls tied around his waist, and a big spear, and on his side --

MRS HOWELL

Here, now you drink this.

Mrs. Howell holds Gilligan's head up so he can take a drink. She takes a coconut cup from the table and provides it to Gilligan. Mrs. Howell never releases the cup and Gilligan drinks from the cup.

MRS HOWELL (cont'd)

There.

Gilligan releases the cup and Mrs. Howell gently puts Gilligan's head down on the hammock. She places the coconut cup back on the table.

GILLIGAN

And you should've seen his eyes, and his face was painted and -- What was that stuff you just gave me?

MRS HOWELL

Well, that will make you sleep. It was a sedative.

GILLIGAN

Thanks, but you're wasting your time. They don't work on me.

Gilligan sits up.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

I remember once --

Gilligan passes out and lies back on the hammock. Mrs. Howell folds Gilligan's arms across his chest and pats his hands. Mrs. Howell heads for the door.

EXT. CAMP - DAY

Mrs. Howell exits the boys hut. Outside, Skipper and Mr. Howell wait for her near the dining table.

SKIPPER

How is he?

Mrs. Howell shushes Skipper.

MRS HOWELL

(sotto)

He's sleeping now. I've given him a sedative.

MR HOWELL

(sotto)

Imagine that. Now he's seeing headhunters. That boy is sicker than we thought.

MRS HOWELL

(sotto)

You're right, Thurston. It wasn't so bad when he was having an inferiority complex -- but now he's having delusions.

SKIPPER

My poor little buddy. Why, I'm gonna have to make a hero out of him before he goes off his rocker.

MR HOWELL

(sotto)

You make a hero out of him after you bungled the job this morning? This is a job that calls for tact, finesse, imagination --

MRS HOWELL

Thurston, that sounds like you.

MR HOWELL

(sotto)

You guessed it already, and I hadn't even gotten to "brilliant."

Mr. Howell presses his index finger to his lips in a "be quiet" motion.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. BOYS HUT - ESTABLISHING SHOT - NIGHT

INT. BOYS HUT - NIGHT

Gilligan lies in his bunk. He's restless and tosses and turns.

MRS HOWELL (O.S.)

Help! Save me! Somebody save me!

Gilligan stirs and wonders if he was dreaming.

MRS HOWELL (O.S.) (cont'd)

Help!

Gilligan becomes fully awake.

GILLIGAN

That's Missus Howell.

Gilligan climbs out of his bunk and heads for the door.

EXT. CAMP - NIGHT

Two coconut torches on poles burn on either side of the boys hut. Gilligan runs out of the boys hut, leaps onto and over the dining table toward the Howells hut.

GILLIGAN

I'm coming, Missus Howell!

EXT. CAMP - NIGHT

MR. HOWELL AND PROFESSOR

watch from the door frame of another hut. They exchange gleeful glances.

EXT. JUNGLE PATH - NIGHT

Gilligan runs past. Mary Ann, Skipper, and Ginger pop up from the dense foliage. Ginger turns and looks at Skipper.

INT./EXT. HOWELLS HUT - NIGHT

Mrs. Howell stands on a chaise lounge chair, calling for help.

MRS HOWELL

Save me! Save me! Somebody save me!

Gilligan runs by the window and stops at the door.

EXT. HOWELLS HUT - NIGHT

Gilligan knocks on the hut door.

MRS HOWELL

Help! Help!

INT. HOWELLS HUT - NIGHT

Mrs. Howell stands on a chaise lounge chair, calling for help.

MRS HOWELL

Help! Help!

(calmly)

Who is it?

EXT. HOWELLS HUT - NIGHT

Gilligan stands politely at the Howell's door.

GILLIGAN

It's me, Gilligan.

MRS HOWELL

(politely)

Do come in.

Gilligan scrambles to open the door and go in.

INT. HOWELLS HUT - NIGHT

Mrs. Howell stands on a chaise lounge chair.

MRS HOWELL

My hero.

Gilligan runs over to Mrs. Howell.

GILLIGAN

Missus Howell, what's the matter? What is it?

Mrs. Howell points to a spider on the ground.

MRS HOWELL

A tarantula. Save me.

Gilligan looks at the spider.

GILLIGAN

Missus Howell, that's not a tarantula. It's a plain old beach spider.

Gilligan bends over to pick it up.

MRS HOWELL

(faux panicked)

Don't argue! Save me!

Mrs. Howell glances sideways at Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

Be calm, Missus Howell. I'll take care of him.

Gilligan looks around the Howells hut for something to handle the spider. He sees a broom and walks over to it. Gilligan picks up the broom and brings it to the spider.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Missus Howell, maybe you'd better not look, huh?

MRS. HOWELL

hides behind a fan, but watches Gilligan over the top edge of it.

BACK TO SCENE

Gilligan lines up to hit the spider with the broom. He swings back in a practice swing to ensure his shot is lined up and extends the broom to the spider's position. Gilligan swings the broom back and hits his own head against the bamboo support pole in the middle of the room, knocking himself out. Gilligan drops the broom and slumps down to the base of the pole. Gilligan closes his eyes and drops his head.

MRS. HOWELL

shakes her head in disbelief.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. GILLIGAN'S ISLAND - ESTABLISHING SHOT - DAY

EXT. CAMP - DAY

Mary Ann and Skipper sit at the dining table and brainstorm ideas to make Gilligan appear to be a hero.

MARY ANN

I've got it. I know how to make a hero out of Gilligan.

SKIPPER

How?

MARY ANN

See that cliff over there?

Mary Ann points.

MOUNTAINOUS ISLAND

BACK TO SCENE

MARY ANN (cont'd)

You climb to the top and pretend you've broken your leg.

SKIPPER

Yeah?

MARY ANN

Then you yell for help.

SKIPPER

Yes?

MARY ANN

Well, Gilligan climbs to the top and he carries you down. And that way that --

Mrs. Howell approaches from the jungle.

SKIPPER

Wait a minute, Mary Ann. Gilligan climbs to the top of the cliff and carries me down then I would have a broken leg and a broken neck.

Mrs. Howell stands behind Mary Ann.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Hello, Missus Howell. Mary Ann just had a beautiful idea on how to help poor Gilligan -- only I have to die in the end.

MRS HOWELL

Aww, I'm afraid it's hopeless. After all, you know what they say: You can't make a hero out of a sow's ear.

Skipper shushes her. From around the edge of the hut, Gilligan appears and walks toward them.

MARY ANN

We've gotta help him. We just can't give up.

SKIPPER

Exactly. We've got to find a way to help poor Gilligan.

Gilligan interrupts their conversation.

GILLIGAN

Did I hear somebody say "Gilligan"?

Mrs. Howell, Mary Ann, and Skipper are surprised to see Gilligan. Skipper stammers his answer.

SKIPPER

No, uh, wh -- not exactly. I -- I just said, "It's rained before, and it will again."

GILLIGAN

Oh.

SKIPPER

Gilligan, will you do me a favor?

Gilligan nods.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Would you go pick some bananas?

GILLIGAN

What if I meet that headhunter?

SKIPPER

Will you stop bringing that up? How many times have I told you? There are no headhunters on these islands. There haven't been for three hundred years.

MRS HOWELL

Gilligan, I thought I convinced you that that headhunter was a figment of your imagination -- an optical illusion.

GILLIGAN

Yeah, I guess I was just seeing things.

Gilligan turns and walks toward the hut, where he picks up a woven basket appropriate for carrying bananas. Gilligan walks toward the jungle.

MRS HOWELL

I'm afraid Sigmund Freud wouldn't touch that boy with a ten-foot couch.

Gilligan stops walking, turns around, and walks back to the dining table.

GILLIGAN

Hey, Skipper?

SKIPPER

What is it?

GILLIGAN

Should I pick the yellow or the red bananas? Because the yellow bananas are green.

SKIPPER

Then pick the red ones.

GILLIGAN

But the red ones are pink.

SKIPPER

I don't care if you pick red, white, and blue bananas. Just pick some bananas!

GILLIGAN

Okay. Skipper. Blue bananas?

Gilligan turns and walks toward the jungle.

SKIPPER

Gilligan just gave me a great idea.

MARY ANN

What?

SKIPPER

Well, let's not talk here. Let's go somewhere where we can be in private. Come on.

They get up from the dining table.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. JUNGLE - DAY

Skipper leads Mrs. Howell and Mary Ann through the jungle. They stop by a large plant.

MRS HOWELL

Are we going to discuss Gilligan's problems or are we going on safari?

SKIPPER

I had to find a place where we could talk without being overheard. Now here's my idea. We've got to make Gilligan do something heroic, right?

MARY ANN

Right.

SKIPPER

And he ought to do it in front of everyone.

Mrs. Howell nods.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Now, Gilligan's got headhunters on the brain. Let's let him see a real headhunter.

MARY ANN

Missus Howell, I think you have another customer for your couch.

SKIPPER

Oh, you don't understand, Mary Ann. I'll dress up as a headhunter. I'll take you all prisoners, and Gilligan can come to your rescue.

MRS HOWELL

It just might work.

MARY ANN

Can you stage it without Gilligan finding out?

SKIPPER

Don't you worry. He'll never find out.

Skipper picks a banana from the large plant. The trio exit. PUSH IN to reveal from the middle of the large plant, Gilligan emerges holding a large bunch of bananas. He shakes his head and sighs.

FLIP TO:

EXT. JUNGLE PATH - DAY

Ginger and Mary Ann carry four bamboo poles through the jungle.

GINGER

I don't know. In my opinion, it's a silly idea for the Skipper to dress as a headhunter.

MARY ANN

Oh, maybe I didn't explain it right. Oh, there's the Skipper now, Ginger. Why don't you ask him?

The women stop next to the headhunter.

GINGER

Skipper, I was just telling Mary Ann I think it's a silly idea for you to dress up like a headhunter. In the first place --

Headhunter grunts unintelligibly.

SKIPPER

Mary Ann, that's not the Skipper.

Headhunter moves toward them. They drop the BAMBOO POLES which make a LOUD NOISE.

EXT. JUNGLE - DAY

Professor sits on the sandy ground while leaning back on a boulder. He reads a book. Having heard the noise, Professor closes his book, gets up, dusts himself off, and walks further into the jungle to investigate.

FLIP TO:

EXT. JUNGLE - DAY

Mr. Howell and Mrs. Howell walk through the jungle.

MR HOWELL

Lovey, why does he have all the fun? I mean, why can't I be the headhunter?

MRS HOWELL

Well, after all, dear, it was his idea. You can be the headhunter next time.

MR HOWELL

All right.

They hear MUTED AND GAGGED VOICES.

MRS HOWELL

Look at that.

Mrs. Howell points to

EXT. JUNGLE CLEARING - DAY

Ginger, Mary Ann, and Professor stand gagged and tied to upright bamboo poles. Behind their gags, they call for help.

EXT. JUNGLE - DAY

Mr. Howell and Mrs. Howell think the scene is staged by Skipper.

MR HOWELL

That is rather overdoing it, isn't it?

Mrs. Howell laughs. The headhunter appears behind them. Mrs. Howell pokes Mr. Howell to draw his attention to the headhunter.

MRS HOWELL

What a getup.

Mr. Howell turns to the headhunter.

MR HOWELL

Oh, Captain, you bungled again. If you want to look like a headhunter, those feathers are ridiculous. You look like a showgirl.

Headhunter growls and lunges for the Howells.

MATCH CUT TO:

INT. BOYS HUT - DAY

Skipper, dressed as a headhunter, practices in front of a mirror. He growls into the mirror and is proud of his performance. He breaks the fourth wall.

SKIPPER/HEADHUNTER

Not bad, if I say so myself.

EXT. CAMP - DAY

Gilligan emerges from the jungle and heads toward the boys hut.

GILLIGAN

Skipper, I came to tell you something.

INT. BOYS HUT - DAY

Skipper/headhunter panics.

SKIPPER/HEADHUNTER

Gosh. I can't let Gilligan see me like this.

Skipper/headhunter looks for a place to hide. He sees a window and decides to crawl out of it.

INT./EXT. BOYS HUT/CAMP

Gilligan approaches the boys hut from the outside.

GILLIGAN

I overheard you talking how you're gonna make me a hero, but it won't work. So you don't have to get all dressed up like a headhunter and --

Gilligan opens the door and looks for Skipper.

SKIPPER

Skipper? Skipper?

FLIP TO:

EXT. JUNGLE - DAY

Gilligan walks down the jungle path.

EXT. JUNGLE CLEARING - DAY

Professor, Mary Ann, and Ginger are all gagged and bound to bamboo poles. Headhunter binds Mr. Howell and Mrs. Howell to other bamboo poles. A small campfire burns within the clearing.

MRS HOWELL

Oh, really, Thurston, what nerve. Why don't you give him a piece of your mind?

MR HOWELL

Well --

MRS HOWELL

Well, go on, dear. He can't eat you.

MR HOWELL

Are you sure?

Headhunter tends to the fire. Satisfied, he grunts, picks up his spear, and stands up. He quickly walks out of the clearing into the jungle. Gilligan appears from the jungle into the clearing. He sees everyone tied up. The gagged castaways try to speak to him.

GILLIGAN

Hi, Missus Howell. Hi, Mister Howell.

MRS HOWELL

Gilligan, save us, save us! You've got to save our lives.

MR HOWELL

Gilligan, save us from the headhunter.

GILLIGAN

(incredulous)

Save you from the headhunter, huh?

MR HOWELL

Yes. He's gonna kill us.

GILLIGAN

(incredulous)

Oh, yeah? Well, don't worry about it, Mister Howell. It's like Missus Howell says. He's just a figment of my imagination.

Headhunter appears from the jungle behind Gilligan.

MR HOWELL

Missus Howell is wrong. The headhunter's for real.

GILLIGAN

Oh, if there's a headhunter around here, I'd like to meet him.

MR HOWELL

Mister Headhunter, meet Mister Gilligan. Mister Gilligan, meet Mister Headhunter.

Gilligan turns around to see headhunter. He acts surprised by dropping his jaw.

GILLIGAN

What do you know, it is a headhunter!

(winks)

Hiya, Skipper.

Headhunter grunts.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Ooh -- That sounds pretty convincing. You want me to be a hero, huh? Well, take this.

Gilligan walks up to headhunter, grabs his nose, and twists it. This infuriates headhunter, who growls at Gilligan, raises his spear, and charges at him. Gilligan easily dodges the spear. "Proud" of himself, Gilligan preens to Ginger and turns his back to headhunter. Having missed Gilligan, headhunter turns toward Gilligan, growls, points the spear at Gilligan, and charges him, thrusting the spear into Gilligan. Gilligan arches his back. It looks like Headhunter gored Gilligan with the spear!

MR HOWELL

Oh!

MRS HOWELL

Eek!

Gilligan groans and moans. Headhunter looks at Gilligan as if he's never witnessed an overacted death scene. Gilligan pants and turns around for face headhunter. Gilligan raises his left arm to show that the spear was, in fact, under his arm and that it was a ruse. Gilligan points the spear at headhunter. That enrages headhunter and he pulls the large blade from his belt and charges at Gilligan. Headhunter swings the blade and chops off the end of the spear. Gilligan looks at the remains of the spear and places it vertically in the sand. Gilligan walks casually over to the camp fire.

MRS HOWELL (cont'd)

Ooh -- I can't look. Who's winning now?

MR HOWELL

Well, Gilligan's doing all right, but I've got to bet on the headhunter.

Gilligan drops the remains of the spear on the campfire.

GILLIGAN

Here's some more wood for your fire.

Headhunter swings the large blade at Gilligan. Gilligan ducks and the headhunter misses. Headhunter swings his large blade toward Gilligan's knees and Gilligan jumps over his blade.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Ice cream soda.

Headhunter swings the large blade at Gilligan's head. Gilligan ducks. Headhunter swings his large blade toward Gilligan's knees and Gilligan jumps over his blade.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Ice-cold punch.

Headhunter swings the large blade at Gilligan's knees. Gilligan jumps over his blade. Headhunter swings his large blade toward Gilligan's knees and Gilligan jumps over his blade.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

That's the name of your honeybunch.

Headhunter growls at Gilligan. Gilligan runs to a small tree at the edge of the clearing and rests against it, taunting headhunter. Headhunter catches up with him, and swings the large blade which sticks in the bark of the tree. Headhunter grunts and struggles to remove the large blade from the tree. Gilligan raises his hand to stop headhunter. Headhunter releases the large blade handle. Gilligan grabs the handle of the large blade and works it back and forth to release it from the tree bark.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

You know, if they ever give out Oscars for headhunters you're a cinch to get one.

Gilligan hands the large blade to headhunter. Headhunter growls angrily. Gilligan hides behind the small tree.

HEADHUNTER

scowls at Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

taunts headhunter.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Okay, Skipper, make her good.

Headhunter growls loudly at Gilligan, swings back, and strikes the large blade into the fork of the tree. The tree splits completely in half, down to the root. Headhunter's large blade sticks in the tree. Gilligan uses his opportunity to toy with headhunter some more. Gilligan claps and runs from the small tree past headhunter.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Make way! In and out the window! Follow me!

Headhunter works his blade free and chases after Gilligan. Gilligan runs in a serpentine pattern around the other five castaways bound at the bamboo poles. Headhunter follows him. Gilligan runs between Ginger and Mary Ann and then between Mary Ann and Professor. He runs completely around Professor and then between Professor and Mrs. Howell. He runs from Mrs. Howell to Mr. Howell and completely runs around Mr. Howell. Gilligan makes a second lap around Mr. Howell, but headhunter runs between Professor and Mary Ann. Gilligan follows him. When headhunter realizes Gilligan is behind him, he turns around. As does Gilligan. Gilligan runs to the other side of the clearing. Headhunter chases closely behind. Gilligan nearly slips and falls on the sand, but he rights himself. Headhunter runs directly into a palm tree at the edge of the clearing and knocks it over.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Skipper, look out for the tree -- Skipper.

Gilligan looks to see if headhunter is okay.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Are you all right, Skipper?

Gilligan hears nothing from headhunter. He walks to the center of the clearing.

MR HOWELL

You won.

GILLIGAN

How am I doing, huh?

MR HOWELL

Great.

Skipper/headhunter runs out of the jungle and growls at Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

Skipper, how'd you change your costume so fast?

SKIPPER

Huh?

GILLIGAN

I liked your other outfit better.

SKIPPER/HEADHUNTER

What other outfit?

GILLIGAN

That one.

Gilligan points to the edge of the clearing. He sees:

HEADHUNTER

has recovered and has his large blade drawn.

BACK TO SCENE

Gilligan looks startled with the realization that he's been toying with a real headhunter. Gilligan flees the clearing.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Run, Skipper. Run, run, run, run!

Headhunter positions himself opposite Skipper. Gilligan turns around and runs back to Skipper and headhunter.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Skipper! I'll save you, Skipper!

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

I'll save you, Skipper!

Gilligan runs toward headhunter. He trips on Skipper/headhunter's leg as he runs past and tumbles into headhunter. Gilligan momentum pushes headhunter back and he falls behind-first onto the campfire.

HEADHUNTER

bounces up and down on the campfire.

BACK TO SCENE

Headhunter gets up and the back of his skirt is burned. He flees the clearing into the jungle, smoke billowing from his behind.

EXT. LAGOON BEACH - DAY

Headhunter emerges from the jungle and runs toward the lagoon with a trail of smoke behind him.

REVERSE ANGLE

Headhunter runs into the lagoon and cools his hind quarters in the water. He swims away.

EXT. JUNGLE CLEARING - DAY

Having unbound the castaways, they congratulate Gilligan.

SKIPPER/HEADHUNTER

Little buddy, that's the bravest thing I ever saw anybody ever do!

GILLIGAN

Yeah, it was kind of brave, wasn't it?

MARY ANN

Gilligan, you were wonderful!

GINGER

That was wonderful.

GILLIGAN

But Skipper, promise me one thing.

SKIPPER/HEADHUNTER

Anything. What is it, little buddy?

GILLIGAN

If I ever try to do something like that again, please stop me.

Gilligan walks away, stepping on Skipper/headhunter's foot. Skipper cries out in pain.

FADE OUT.

END OF ACT TWO

TAG

FADE IN:

EXT. GILLIGAN'S ISLAND - ESTABLISHING SHOT - DAY

EXT. CAMP - DAY

GILLIGAN

stands and speaks to the castaways. PULL BACK to reveal the other castaways sit at the dining table. Behind him, an American flag made from island bits and pieces is mounted on the outside of the boys hut.

GILLIGAN

And I sure am proud that I did something brave. Of course it's no surprise to me. I mean, heroes run in my family. I don't mean they run. I mean they -- Well, take my Uncle Ramsey for instance. He was in the first world war with the Lost Battalion. He was the guide.

MR HOWELL

rests his head on his upright arm. He glances at Skipper in a pleading way.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

So, I guess being brave just kind of comes natural.

SKIPPER

winks at Mr. Howell.

BACK TO SCENE

Skipper rises from his seat and walks over to Gilligan.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

And in conclusion, I would like to say --

Skipper taps Gilligan on the shoulder. Skipper holds one of the skulls from headhunter's belt. Gilligan turns and sees the skull.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Help!

Gilligan falls backward to the ground. The castaways laugh.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. GILLIGAN'S ISLAND - ESTABLISHING SHOT - DAY

FADE OUT.

THE END