TEASER

FADE IN:

EXT. LAGOON BEACH - DAY

Gilligan sits on a boulder near the lagoon shore and fishes with a rod and reel. Having hooked something, Gilligan alternates between reeling and tugging on the line. Skipper appears in the distance. He skips rocks in the lagoon until he notices Gilligan struggling with the fish. Skipper rushes to assist Gilligan.

SKIPPER

Don't let him get away, Gilligan!

GILLIGAN

I won't, Skipper.

Skipper stands by Gilligan and feeds him instructions.

SKIPPER

Give him some slack.

Gilligan releases his grip on the rod and it hits Skipper over the head with the rod.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Now, play with him, Gilligan.

Gilligan alternates between reeling in and playing out.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

That's it. Play with him.

As Gilligan plays with the fish, he nudges Skipper in the face with the rod.

FISHING LINE IN WATER

as Gilligan plays with the fish. The water bubbles as the unseen fish struggles beneath the surface.

BACK TO SCENE

SKIPPER (cont'd)

What a fighter he is.

FISHING LINE IN WATER

as Gilligan continues to work the line.

BACK TO SCENE

SKIPPER (cont'd)

He must weigh fifty pounds, yeah.

Gilligan pulls the fish out of the water. It is a small fish, less than a foot long.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

I don't believe it.

Gilligan holds the fish and gently tugs on the line.

GILLIGAN

Okay, come on.

GILLIGAN'S HANDS

holding fish as the fish opens its mouth and reveals a seashell.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Open up your mouth and give me back the seashell.

Gilligan removes the seashell from the fish's mouth and gently pats the fish on its snout.

BACK TO SCENE

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

(to fish)

Thank you.

Gilligan sets the fishing rod down on the ground. He carries the fish to the lagoon's edge.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Okay, now. Here we go.

Gilligan squats at the water's edge and releases the fish into the lagoon.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Back to school, Irving.

SKIPPER

Irving?

Gilligan stands up.

GILLIGAN

Oh, yeah. He gets real mad if I call him "Irv."

SKIPPER

Naturally.

Gilligan moves back to the boulder, picks up the rod and reel, and sits back down on the boulder.

GILLIGAN

He and I are good friends. I catch him almost every day.

Gilligan stands up and turns toward Skipper. Skipper notices something in the distance.

SKIPPER

(points)

Hey, what's that?

Gilligan glances in the direction Skipper indicates.

GILLIGAN

It's a guy on a surfboard.

(pause)

A guy on a surfboard?!

Skipper's mouth drops. Gilligan spins around to see DUKE WILLIAMS, 31, riding a surf board across the lagoon. The board hits the beach and Duke steps onto the beach. He collapses face-first on the sand.

FADE OUT.

END OF TEASER

ACT ONE

FADE IN:

EXT. LAGOON BEACH - DAY

Duke lies face-down on the sand. Gilligan straddles Duke and pushes on his shoulders in an awkward way, as if he was trying to resuscitate Duke. Skipper kneels near them.

SKIPPER

Gilligan, what is it you're trying to do?

GILLIGAN

Artificial respiration.

SKIPPER

But he hasn't swallowed any water yet. Maybe a little sand the way you've got him. May I?

Gilligan nods and gets out of the way so Skipper can work. Skipper rolls Duke onto his back.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

All right, boy. Roll over, you're all right.

Skipper hits Duke's cheek to stir him.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Come on, son, you're all right.

Duke stirs, raises his head, and spits.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

You're okay. Don't try and talk now.

Duke gulps in air. Skipper urges Duke to lie back down.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Just lie there and rest.

GILLIGAN

Hey Professor, look what we found!

Professor runs up to them and kneels next to Duke.

PROFESSOR

Yeah, I was in a tree getting some dates, when I saw him come ashore.

(to Gilligan and Skipper)

Who is he?

(to Duke)

Who are you?

Duke sits up with the assistance of the men.

DUKE

Duke Williams.

PROFESSOR

Where are you from?

DUKE

Topeka, Kansas.

GILLIGAN

Wow! He sure had along ride.

PROFESSOR

No, I mean where did you start from?

DUKE

Oh, oh. I caught a thirty foot one off Waimea Beach.

SKIPPER

Waimea Beach? But that's near Honolulu.

PROFESSOR

Duke, it is scientifically absurd to believe you could've ridden the same wave all the way from Hawaii. The counteraction of the marine gravitational forces would have --

DUKE

Slow down, Teach. I was a dropout from the second grade.

PROFESSOR

All right, I'll slow down.

DUKE

Don't go nowhere, man. Just stay where you are and listen to big daddy. Now there was a large surf making up, and me and a couple of other hotdoggers, were practicing rail grabs and kick outs. Like one joe is a gremmie, so he wipes out at the start. Me, I'm in a nose ride, having a little trouble, when all of a sudden, I'm out of the tube and up on top, only I'm headed for open sea. I mean, I'm riding clear into the middle of the big, salty splash. You got the picture?

GILLIGAN

Must have been a foreign film.

PROFESSOR

Now, let's start from the beginning. How long have you been on that board?

DUKE

Like, you got a fix on what day this is?

PROFESSOR

Thursday.

DUKE

I remember swinging with this gidget Saturday night, and then giving her a fast goodbye, so me and the guys could hit the beach Sunday morning.

GILLIGAN

That was five days ago!

Duke counts the days on his fingers.

DUKE

Say, you're right.

SKIPPER

Oh, Professor, he couldn't have been out more than two or three hours. Well, his friends are probably out cruising around looking for him right now.

PROFESSOR

Unless he rode in on a tsunami.

GILLIGAN

Oh, no, he came in on a board. The Skipper and I saw him.

PROFESSOR

A tsunami is a giant wave caused by an underground earthquake originating in a seismological fault off the coast of Japan.

DUKE

Say, is anybody gonna tell me where I am?

SKIPPER

Duke, I'm afraid you're marooned on an uncharted island.

Duke stands up and the others follow suit.

DUKE

Not for long, pops. Give me a couple days to feed the muscle machine and I'm back to Waimea.

GILLIGAN

Oh, great! We'll fatten you up and put you on the next salami back to Hawaii.

Duke puts his arm around Gilligan.

DUKE

Little man, lead me to the chow line.

Duke and Gilligan walk away.

GILLIGAN

And when you get there, don't forget to tell them we're marooned here.

DUKE

(reluctantly)

All right.

Duke and Gilligan exit.

SKIPPER

Professor, a reverse tsunami, is that possible?

PROFESSOR

Not a chance, Skipper.

SKIPPER

That figures. Why else would Gilligan have thought of it?

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. BOYS HUT - NIGHT

Duke eats a banana as he listens to Skipper tell the tale of the fateful trip. They sit at a table in the boys hut.

SKIPPER

So, that's the way we ended up on this island.

DUKE

Man, how do you stand it?

SKIPPER

Well, it's a little rough for the first couple of months, but you'll get used to it.

DUKE

Get used to it? I'll go ape.

Duke stands.

DUKE (cont'd)

I just got to get back to Hawaii.

SKIPPER

Duke, let me tell you something. There is no way off this island.

Duke inspects his arms and flexes his muscles.

DUKE

Admiral, there are no strings on a man with a surfboard. All I got to do is get back in shape. Man, five days on that board and I'm nothing but skin and bones.

GINGER

looks in one of the windows.

GINGER

And what skin.

BACK TO SCENE

Duke notices and turns to look at Ginger.

MARY ANN

admires Duke from the other window. Mary Ann looks over Duke.

MARY ANN

And what bones.

BACK TO SCENE

Duke turns toward Mary Ann. Skipper stands.

SKIPPER

Ladies, come on in.

DUKE

Man, you guys ain't lost. You're hiding.

Ginger and Mary Ann enter the hut.

SKIPPER

Duke Williams, this is Ginger Grant and Mary Ann Summers.

Duke shakes Ginger's hand.

GINGER

(sultry)

Hello.

DUKE

(confidently)

Howdy.

MARY ANN

(admiringly)

The pleasure's mine.

SKIPPER

Gilligan was out fishing, and this is what we landed.

GINGER

Wow! What did you use for bait?

Duke flexes his right arm.

DUKE

You can stop dreaming. The Duke has arrived.

Ginger and Mary Ann exchange glances. Duke moves behind Mary Ann and Ginger and puts his arms around the girls.

DUKE (cont'd)

Oh, I like them little and I like them big. Man, this is "smorgasbroad" time!

Duke hugs the girls and they beam. Skipper gives an aside glance and turns away.

FLIP TO:

INT. HOWELLS HUTS - DAY

Gilligan discusses Duke William's arrival with the Howells. Mr. Howell sits on a chaise lounge. Mrs. Howell hands Mr. Howell a tall bamboo drinking glass with a straw sticking out of it.

MRS HOWELL

Did you say duke?

Mrs. Howell sits down next to Mr. Howell on the chair.

GILLIGAN

Yeah, Duke.

Mr. Howell sips at the straw.

MRS HOWELL

Oh, Darling, royalty.

MR HOWELL

At last, our kind of people.

GILLIGAN

Maybe I better start over. You see, this Duke Williams was surfing in Hawaii --

MRS HOWELL

Thurston, where did we meet the Duke of Williams?

MR HOWELL

Skeet shooting with Prince Philip?

Mrs. Howell stands.

MRS HOWELL

No, that was the Duke of Albania.

MR HOWELL

At Monaco with Grace?

MRS HOWELL

That was the Duke of Troy.

GILLIGAN

Can I say something?

MRS HOWELL

No, no, Gilligan. No time for idle chatter, not with a Duke on the island.

MR HOWELL

The Duke's first day, we must have him for cocktails.

Mrs. Howell sits next to Mr. Howell.

MRS HOWELL

Oh, Thurston, always the right thing at the right time. No wonder you're always sitting on the host's right hand.

GILLIGAN

Isn't that kind of uncomfortable?

MR HOWELL

Post haste, pronto, my boy! Mustn't keep the Duke in suspense. Let him know the Howells are here.

Gilligan walks to the door and exits.

FLIP TO:

EXT. CAMP - DAY

Duke holds court with the girls. He sits against a boulder and poses for them. Ginger and Mary Ann wear bathing suits, sit on the sand, and admire Duke.

DUKE

... took second place at Waikiki.

MARY ANN

Oh, wow. Who took first prize?

Duke stands.

DUKE

The guy who was married to the judge.

GINGER

Oh, Duke, you're just not appreciated.

DUKE

Baby, isn't that what I always say? A lady wanted to do a sculpture of me like this once.

Duke poses.

MARY ANN

Oh, wow. That's you, Duke. That's you.

GINGER

Oh, I was once painted like this.

Ginger poses.

DUKE

Say, pretty good set of deltoids.

Duke brushes his fingers on Ginger's arm to indicate where he deltoids are.

GINGER

(to Mary Ann)

He likes my deltoids.

Threatened by Ginger's beauty with respect to their mutual interest in Duke, Mary Ann shifts and poses for Duke too. Duke points at Mary Ann's shoulder.

DUKE

Oh. Pretty good latissimus dorsi.

MARY ANN

(to Ginger)

He likes my latissimus dorsi.

GINGER

Whatever that is.

DUKE

You don't know?

GINGER

No.

Duke points to the muscles behind Mary Ann's shoulder.

DUKE

Why, that's right here. I remember hotdogging off the coast of Malibu one time. Suddenly the surf went out and we were on the beach. Well, this wahine lays eyes on me, but I give her nothing. I mean, I stand like she's nowhere, but she comes on strong. She won't hold off, but I'm cooling it because the surf might come up --

Gilligan emerges from the jungle and runs into to Duke's arms just as Duke is flexing them. Gilligan drops to the ground like a sack of flour.

GILLIGAN

Did I hurt you?

Duke picks Gilligan up.

DUKE

Little man, you couldn't knock a hole in the wind with a fistful of hammers.

Duke flexes his biceps for Gilligan.

GINGER

Ooh.

MARY ANN

Ooh.

Gilligan tries to flex his biceps, but they are clearly not as impressive as Duke's arms are.

GILLIGAN

(to his bicep)

Well, just don't lay there. Do something. Anything.

Gilligan's bicep flexes briefly.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Oh, boy.

Gilligan turns his attention to the group. Duke does deep knee bends for the admiration of the girls.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Hey, has anybody seen the Skipper? You remember the Skipper, don't you? He kinda wears a hat. He's got one big muscle right about here.

Ginger and Mary Ann continue to admire Duke as he continues his knee bends.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Oh, well, so long.

(pause)

Bye.

(pause)

See you later.

Gilligan mock sniffs and exits.

FLIP TO:

EXT. CAMP - DAY

Gilligan exercises with dumbbells made from bamboo and coconuts. Empty coconuts. At Gilligan's feet is a barbell made from a bamboo pole and two large rocks. Skipper enters from the jungle behind Gilligan. As Gilligan exercises, he accidentally hits Skipper in the stomach with the dumbbells.

SKIPPER

Gilligan, what are you doing?

Skipper takes one of the dumbbells from Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

Hi, Skipper.

SKIPPER

That is not the answer.

GILLIGAN

Oh, I'm trying to look like Duke. I mean, he's at the beach with Ginger and Mary Ann now. And he's doing, you know, these Skipper,

(muscle poses)

and these,

(muscle poses)

and the girls are like, "Oh, oh!"

Skipper examines the dumbbell.

SKIPPER

You're not going to get anywhere with empty coconut shells.

GILLIGAN

I'm just starting with those to work up to the big stuff.

Skipper looks at the dumbbell and back at Gilligan.

SKIPPER

Well, okay, little buddy. Good luck. Let me know how you make out.

GILLIGAN

Skipper, you won't recognize me when I'm all done. I'll be as big as this, I'll have shoulders as big as this and I'll have a chest as big as that.

(indicates Skipper's stomach)

Except, it'll be up a little higher.

Skipper looks down at his stomach.

SKIPPER

Thanks a lot, Gilligan.

Skipper walks off into the jungle.

GILLIGAN

Ah, I'm sorry, Skipper. Skipper?

Gilligan reaches down and tries to pick up the bamboo barbell by lifting with his legs.

FLIP TO:

EXT. JUNGLE - DAY

Mary Ann and Ginger each hold onto one of Duke's arms. He stands between them, ready to show off.

DUKE

All right, girls, go.

They hang on and Duke lifts them both off the ground. The girls raise their legs so Duke is completely supporting them. Ginger playfully kicks her feet.

GILLIGAN (O.S.)

(strained)

Help, somebody! Help, anybody big. Help.

The girls hear Gilligan's cries for help and drop their legs. Duke lets them down.

DUKE

Excuse me, girls.

Duke exits into the jungle.

GILLIGAN (O.S.)

(strained)

Help.

The girls look in the direction Duke went.

EXT. JUNGLE - DAY

Gilligan lies on his back with the bamboo barbell across his neck and upper shoulders. His arms are unable to move the barbell. Gilligan's legs squirm as he tries to free himself. Duke appears from the jungle and quickly assesses the situation.

GILLIGAN

(strained)

Help. Help.

Duke stands before Gilligan.

DUKE

Gilligan, that's no way to do a back press.

Duke bends over and easily removes the barbell from Gilligan's chest.

GILLIGAN

Is that what I was trying to do?

Gilligan rolls over and rises to his feet. Mary Ann and Ginger emerge from the jungle.

DUKE

Yes. Now watch me.

Duke bends over and places the barbell down on the ground. He steps over the barbell to position himself.

DUKE (cont'd)

It's very simple.

Duke positions himself on the sand and lifts the barbell over himself into position. He presses the barbell.

MARY ANN AND GINGER

gaze admiringly over Duke.

DUKE (O.S.)

See?

BACK TO SCENE

Duke rises to his feet still holding the barbell.

MARY ANN

Oh.

GINGER

Oh.

DUKE

Now you try it.

Duke hands the barbell to Gilligan. The barbell drops to the ground with Gilligan's hands still holding it. Gilligan drops to his knees. His hands still hold onto the bar.

MARY ANN

Gilligan, you'll hurt yourself.

Duke picks up the barbell. Gilligan stretches out his fingers.

DUKE

Lie down. On your back.

Gilligan lies down on his back and moves into position. Duke places the barbell just above Gilligan's head.

DUKE (cont'd)

That's it.

DUKE

ensures that Gilligan is safe.

DUKE (cont'd)

You got it?

GILLIGAN

lies on the ground.

GILLIGAN

Yeah. Yeah.

Gilligan strains to press the barbell. He sees it begin to rise and smiles excitedly.

DUKE

encourages Gilligan.

MARY ANN AND GINGER

watch expectantly.

GILLIGAN

loses confidence and strength feels the barbell slipping. He loses control of the barbell and it falls across his neck again.

DUKE

shakes his head.

DUKE

Man, you just don't listen.

MARY ANN

shakes her head.

MARY ANN

You better give up.

BACK TO SCENE

Duke lifts the barbell from Gilligan's chest.

GINGER

You've got to have a body to do that.

Gilligan holds his throat.

GILLIGAN

I've got a body, sort of.

Duke positions the barbell over Gilligan and hands it to him.

DUKE

All right. Here, keep practicing. Let's go, girls.

Gilligan holds the barbell up with stiff arms. Duke and the girls exit into the jungle.

GILLIGAN

Oh, you're not gonna leave me, here.

GILLIGAN

struggles with the barbell.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Oh, he is gonna leave me. Ooh.

Gilligan struggles to keep the barbell up.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

He -- oh.

Gilligan's arms lose their strength and the barbell slowly descends.

BACK TO SCENE

The barbell falls across Gilligan's waist.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. HOWELLS HUT - NIGHT

ESTABLISHING SHOT OF HOWELLS HUT

INT. HOWELLS HUT - NIGHT

Mrs. Howell, dressed in her finery, checks the last details for the Howells dinner with Duke Williams. Candles burn atop bamboo poles to provide light. Mrs. Howell holds a fan. She inspects a basket of fruit. A KNOCK at the door.

MRS HOWELL

(in French)

Entree.

Mrs. Howell holds a fan and spreads it out before fanning herself. She greets Duke at the door. Duke opens the door and enters the hut. Mrs. Howell greets him by bowing.

MRS HOWELL (cont'd)

Oh welcome, Your Highness.

DUKE

Duke.

He notices that she's bent over, but doesn't understand why.

DUKE (cont'd)

What's wrong, lady? You lose something?

Mr. Howell enters through the beaded door. He carries a small tray of drinks in coconut drinking glasses. Duke holds a half-eaten banana. Mr. Howell passes coconut drinking cups to Duke and then to Mrs. Howell.

MR HOWELL

Ah, your Highness. I don't think we've ever met before, though we do mingle with royalty, especially during the grouse-hunting season. There you are, Lovey, my dear.

DUKE

(aside)

These nuts come in mixed pairs.

Mr. Howell laughs.

MR HOWELL

Such a droll sense of humor.

MRS HOWELL

Yes, Thurston, that's what I thought at first, but have we ever known a Duke that looked like that?

Duke looks down at his clothes.

MR HOWELL

I can't say so much for his clothes. Probably a new Italian style. Pizza sharkskin.

DUKE

I've met some oddballs in my time, but like, you two they let out a little early. Don't go away. I'll get the keeper.

Duke puts a half-eaten banana back in the fruit bowl. Duke slowly walks toward the door while keeping an eye on the Howells.

MRS HOWELL

(to Mr. Howell)

I don't remember any duke acting that badly.

MR HOWELL

(to Mrs. Howell)

Not since the one that started World War One.

Mr. Howells turns toward Duke.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

Sir, I think you are an impostor.

DUKE

(indignantly)

I am not. I am a surfer.

MR HOWELL

You're not a Duke. You're not even a Count or an Earl. I don't even think you're a Republican!

DUKE

Charlie, I'm going. You're gone.

Duke opens the door and exits. Mrs. Howell beams.

MRS HOWELL

Thurston, you were superb!

MR HOWELL

Well, no one can pull the wool over my eyes. Cashmere maybe, but wool, never.

Mrs. Howell kisses Mr. Howell on the cheek.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. CAMP - NIGHT

Mary Ann and Ginger sit at the community dining table. Duke does push ups on the table as the girls count.

GINGER

... one eighty two --

MARY ANN

-- one eighty three --

PROFESSOR (O.S.)

Duke!

Professor enters from the jungle.

GINGER

-- hundred and eighty four --

PROFESSOR

Duke!

MARY ANN

-- hundred and eighty five --

PROFESSOR

I've been looking all over for you.

Duke stops his push ups and turns toward Professor.

DUKE

I'm not hard to find, Teach. Just look for my little lovebirds here.

PROFESSOR

I've got wonderful news.

DUKE

Oh?

Gilligan enters, groaning.

GILLIGAN

(pained)

Oh.

PROFESSOR

Gilligan, what's wrong with you?

GILLIGAN

I've been exercising.

PROFESSOR

Why?

GILLIGAN

So I can die healthy.

PROFESSOR

Well, stay right here. I've got news that'll brighten up your whole life.

GILLIGAN

Can I lie down and listen?

PROFESSOR

Why, of course.

Gilligan lies down on one of the benches at the table.

PROFESSOR (cont'd)

Now, Duke, listen to this. I've been working on this all day. There's been a shift in the trade winds, and the tidal forces compounded by the current pull of the sun have caused a syzygy with the Earth and made a perfect Coriolis effect.

Duke turns toward Ginger.

DUKE

Now, why didn't I think of that?

GINGER

Isn't he wonderful?

PROFESSOR

Oh, it's really very simple. The tsunami wave will return in exactly forty eight hours headed for Hawaii.

GILLIGAN

Hey, Duke, that means you can get us all rescued.

DUKE

Yeah, we got to talk about that sometime. Come on, girls, let's take a walk.

Duke climbs down from the table. Ginger takes his arm.

DUKE (cont'd)

Right this way.

Duke takes Mary Ann's arm and the three of them exit. Professor moves over to Gilligan and sits him upright.

PROFESSOR

Come on, Gilligan, snap out of it.

Gilligan grumbles in pain.

PROFESSOR (cont'd)

Now listen. Now listen. We've got forty eight hours to get him into shape. We've got to get sugar into his bloodstream. We've got to strengthen his muscles. He has got to be in perf--

GILLIGAN

Professor.

PROFESSOR

What?

Gilligan looks where Duke and the girls left.

GILLIGAN

While we're building him up, they're knocking him down.

Professor looks in the same direction.

FADE OUT.

END OF ACT ONE

ACT TWO

FADE IN:

EXT. LAGOON - DAY

ESTABLISHING SHOT OF LAGOON

EXT. LAGOON - DAY

Gilligan, on his knees, balances on a surf board in the lagoon. He tries to stand upright, but quickly falls into the water.

FLIP TO:

EXT. LAGOON - DAY - LATER

SURF BOARD

with Gilligan's feet anchored to it by a vine.

PULL BACK to Gilligan balancing precariously on the surf board. He balances for a while and gains confidence. Then he tumbles over. Gilligan submerges as the surf board flips over. His feet are still tied to the upside-down surf board.

Skipper emerges from the jungle and sees the surf board in the lagoon. Gilligan's hat floats on the surface, but Gilligan is not visible. Skipper rushes into the water. Skipper picks up Gilligan's hat, but Gilligan isn't under the hat.

SKIPPER

Gilligan, Gilligan, are you down there?

Skipper splashes water to see more clearly through the murky water. He spots Gilligan under the water.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

You are down there.

Skipper wades to the surf board. He grabs the board and turns it right-side up. Gilligan's feet are still attached to the board.

SKIPPER

turns the board right side up.

BACK TO SCENE

Gilligan emerges from the water and balances precariously.

SKIPPER

is fatigued by the effort and pants.

BACK TO SCENE

Skipper wades over to Gilligan and steadies him.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

May I ask you a simple question? And I want a simple answer.

GILLIGAN

Sure, Skipper, that's the only kind I know.

SKIPPER

Exactly. Now, here's my question: Just what are you trying to do?

GILLIGAN

I'm trying to learn how to surf, because Duke won't go back to Hawaii and if I know how to surf, we could be rescued.

SKIPPER

Little buddy, your heart is in the right place, but about your head, I don't know. It takes years to master one of these. Now get off of there before you hurt yourself.

GILLIGAN

Aye, aye, sir.

His feet still tied to the surf board, Gilligan tumbles into the water on top of Skipper and they both are soaked.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. JUNGLE - NIGHT

Ginger picks a blossom from a tropical plant. Duke approaches her from behind. He puts a hand on her shoulder. Ginger is startled and backs up against a tree.

GINGER

Uh--Oh, Duke, you scared me.

DUKE

Baby, that's not what I had in mind at all.

GINGER

(sultry)

Oh?

Duke looks Ginger up and down.

DUKE

In fact, I've had other things on my mind ever since I set eyes on you.

GINGER

(stammers)

Wh-where's Mary Ann?

DUKE

Baby, we don't need a cheering section.

GINGER

I do. I'm an actress.

DUKE

Listen, I've heard about you movie chicks playing it cool, but aren't you carrying it a little far?

GINGER

What do you mean, far?

Duke leans his arm against the tree.

DUKE

I'm talking about life, baby. Now you take one long-legged redhead, mix with tall, handsome muscleman, shake well, and --

Duke leans in for a kiss and tries to cup Ginger's face, but she spins away.

DUKE (cont'd)

You got pretty good reflexes.

GINGER

I'm from Hollywood. I've been chased by the best.

DUKE

'Til you've been caught by me.

Duke quickly moves toward Ginger. Ginger exits into the jungle. Duke stops.

DUKE (cont'd)

Baby, this is not supposed to be a track meet.

Duke runs after Ginger.

EXT. JUNGLE PATH - DAY

Duke appears from the jungle undergrowth and pauses.

DUKE

C'mon, Ginger. Time for fun and games!

Duke runs into the jungle.

FLIP TO:

INT. GIRLS HUT - NIGHT

Mary Ann sits at their table. She sews a garment. Ginger enters, quickly shuts the door, and sits down. She's nearly out of breath. Mary Ann turns toward her.

MARY ANN

(concerned)

What's wrong?

GINGER

Duke.

Mary Ann returns to sewing.

MARY ANN

(smiles)

Oh, nothing wrong with him.

GINGER

Believe me, Mary Ann, while we've been admiring his muscles we overlooked his fangs.

Mary Ann turns and looks quizzically at Ginger.

GINGER (cont'd)

Yeah, underneath that bronzed skin beats the heart of a wolf.

MARY ANN

Ginger, maybe you're too glamorous. Take me. I'm more like the girl who lives next door.

GINGER

Girl next door, across the street, around the corner, it wouldn't make any difference to him.

Mary Ann gets and and walks over to the door, but she pauses next to Ginger.

MARY ANN

Please. He's so tall and handsome and --

GINGER

And hungry. Where you going?

MARY ANN

Why, I think I hear Duke calling.

Mary Ann pushes the door open slightly.

GINGER

And you're going?

MARY ANN

Why, certainly.

Mary Ann exits.

GINGER

Good luck.

Mary Ann shuts the door. Ginger gets up from the chair and moves to a seat at the table. She picks up a mirror and primps her hair with a comb. Ginger puts down the comb. She checks her wristwatch. Ginger puts down the mirror, gets up from the table, walks over to the door, and opens it just in time for Mary Ann to run through it. Mary Ann sits down on a chair.

GINGER (cont'd)

Not bad time for a little girl.

MARY ANN

Oh, King Kong had a better approach.

They stand. Mary Ann grabs a chair and drags it toward the door.

MARY ANN (cont'd)

Come on, Ginger, help me move the chair in front of the door.

GINGER

And honey, he'll huff and he'll puff and blow our house down.

MARY ANN

Oh, we have to do something to discourage him.

Mary Ann holds onto the bamboo door to make sure it doesn't open.

GINGER

Discourage him? He'd consider a slap in the face applause. No, we've got to bring this to a higher court. Missus Howell.

FLIP TO:

INT. HOWELLS HUT - NIGHT

Mrs. Howell sits on a chair as Mr. Howell enters.

MR HOWELL

Hello, Lovey, my dear.

Mr. Howell kisses Mrs. Howell on the cheek.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

Why the knitted brow?

MRS HOWELL

Well, Thurston, the girls came to me with a problem and I must confess I find it very perplexing.

MR HOWELL

Well, no matter what it is, they deserve it. Here we are trying to figure out how to get Mister America on the surfboard and they're doing everything but giving him the keys to the sorority house if he'll stay.

MRS HOWELL

The girls want him to leave, too.

MR HOWELL

You mean they've become disenchanted with that side of beef?

MRS HOWELL

Thurston, I don't know how to phrase this, but uh, he's been making advances.

MR HOWELL

You mean, to both of them at once? Ooh, how vulgar.

MRS HOWELL

Yes, and how young.

MR HOWELL

You know something? That Duke Williams reminds me of, uh, Montmoransie Vandergrift.

MRS HOWELL

Thurston, Montmoransie wasn't as bad as all that.

MR HOWELL

But he did sit a good horse, but nowadays that's not quite enough.

MRS HOWELL

Well, anyway, I got rid of him once and for all.

MR HOWELL

Lovey, my dear, I know that we made a pledge never to delve into our past, but I think we should break it just this once for the good of all.

Mr. Howell sits down with Mrs. Howell. He places his hands on her arms.

MRS HOWELL

(innocently)

What past, darling?

MR HOWELL

Your past, just this once.

MRS HOWELL

(innocently)

I really don't think I know what you're talking about.

MR HOWELL

Tell me, what underhanded trick did you use to get rid of Montmoransie Vandergrift?

Mrs. Howell beams and giggles.

FLIP TO:

INT. BOYS HUT - NIGHT

Skipper and Professor sit at the small square table. Gilligan does push ups on a bamboo cot.

SKIPPER

Professor, somehow, some way, we've got to get Duke on that surfboard tomorrow.

PROFESSOR

Well then, we've got to offer him something more attractive than Ginger and Mary Ann.

GILLIGAN

How about a motorcycle and a crash helmet, huh?

Skipper pushes Gilligan down flat on the cot.

SKIPPER

Gilligan, we must have a talk about the birds and the bees.

GILLIGAN

What would Duke want with birds and bees?

PROFESSOR

Some other time.

PAN TO Mr. Howell standing against the door frame. He walks over to the other men.

MR HOWELL

Gentlemen! Winken, Blinken and Nod still stuck, blocked by a simple problem. For shame.

SKIPPER

And I suppose that you have it all solved.

MR HOWELL

Naturally. You think that country bumpkin is any match for Thurston Howell the Third?

GILLIGAN

I'll bet it's sneaky and complicated.

PUSH IN to Mr. Howell.

MR HOWELL

Sneaky, naturally. But complicated, let me tell you something. It's as simple as taking candy away from a baby. It's elementary.

FLIP TO:

EXT. CAMP - NIGHT

Skipper waxes Duke's surf board. He holds a lit candle and drips wax on the board while polishing it with a cloth. Duke emerges from the jungle. He eats a coconut and has a banana tucked into his pants.

DUKE

Hi, Captain.

SKIPPER

Hi, Duke. Hey, she really waxes up good.

DUKE

Uh, no rush, Daddy-O. Like, I mean, I might be in shape for a little exercise in a week or two.

Skipper stops waxing.

SKIPPER

In a week or two? Oh, but there's a big wave tomorrow at 7:00. The tsunami.

DUKE

Everybody on this island got ear trouble? Man, I'm in no shape for a tsunami.

SKIPPER

Well, that's odd. Just a few minutes ago, I thought I heard Ginger say you were leaving.

DUKE

That Ginger's an odd one. She's one chick sure plays hard to get.

Skipper continues waxing.

SKIPPER

(coyly)

Not with the Professor.

DUKE

Professor?

SKIPPER

Well, I just saw them both back there.

Skipper gestures toward the jungle. Duke exits in the direction indicated by Skipper.

FLIP TO:

EXT. JUNGLE - NIGHT

Ginger and Professor lie on the ground next to each other. Their legs in the opposite direction from each other. Ginger cradles Professors head and gently caresses him.

GINGER

You sure you're not angry at me?

PROFESSOR

(monotone)

Don't give it a second thought, dear.

GINGER

But it was so stupid of me to pay so much attention to Duke. I mean, all he does is talk about his muscles.

PAN TO

Duke watches them from a nearby vantage point.

GINGER (O.S.)

But you've got brains. How perfectly wonderful you are.

BACK TO SCENE

PROFESSOR

(monotone)

An extremely high I.Q.

GINGER

Say it for me once again.

PROFESSOR

(monotone)

An extremely high I.Q.

GINGER

No, I meant the name of the star.

PROFESSOR

Oh.

(monotone)

Alpha Centauri.

GINGER

(sultry)

Oh, that's so romantic.

Ginger kisses Professor.

DUKE

watches them kiss.

PROFESSOR (O.S.)

(monotone)

It's four and three-tenths light-years from the Earth.

GINGER (O.S.)

You just don't know what a man with brains does to me.

BACK TO SCENE

GINGER

The capital of North Dakota?

PROFESSOR

(monotone)

Bismarck.

GINGER

Oh! South Dakota?

PROFESSOR

(monotone)

Pierre.

GINGER

Lucky Pierre.

Ginger kisses Professor again.

DUKE

sees them kiss again, gets angry, and exits.

FLIP TO:

EXT. CAMP - NIGHT

Skipper continues to wax the surf board. Duke emerges from the jungle. He peels the banana as he walks over to Skipper.

SKIPPER

"It's a long, long way to Hawaii,   but we're going to go anyway.
It's a long, long way to Hawaii,   but Duke will make it anyway."

Duke turns to look back toward the jungle as he continues walking and bumps into Skipper. Skipper stops waxing.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Oh, hi, Duke. Say, it is a nice night for a walk, isn't it?

DUKE

You want to know something, Captain?

Duke bites the banana.

SKIPPER

Why, I'm always interested in gathering information.

DUKE

A redhead is a fickle piece of chick, and that's for sure.

SKIPPER

You know something, I've always found it's only the brunettes you can trust.

DUKE

Right. Just like I was telling Mary Ann before she turned in for the night.

SKIPPER

Oh, she's not in her hut.

DUKE

She's not?

SKIPPER

Why, no, she's with Gilligan.

DUKE

With Gilligan?

SKIPPER

In their usual place.

Skipper returns to waxing. Duke, angered, exits. Skipper continues singing while waxing.

FLIP TO:

EXT. JUNGLE - NIGHT

Mary Ann sits on Gilligan's lap. Mary Ann kisses Gilligan on his cheek which leaves a lipstick mark. His other cheek also has a lipstick mark. Mary Ann feels the muscles on Gilligan's shoulder.

MARY ANN

Ooh, Duke was so bumpy.

GILLIGAN

Is that bad?

MARY ANN

I like little muscles.

GILLIGAN

Ow.

MARY ANN

What's wrong?

GILLIGAN

I think you're taking the crease out of my knees.

MARY ANN

You have such wonderfully knobby knees.

GILLIGAN

Yeah, but it's time to change.

FOLLOW GILLIGAN

as he helps Mary Ann off from his lap. They both stand. behind them is

DUKE

watching from the jungle.

GILLIGAN (O.S.)

And I got such wonderful knobby elbows, too.

MARY ANN (O.S.)

Divinely skinny arms.

GILLIGAN (O.S.)

Oh, yeah. If you like skin and bone, that's what I got the most of.

MARY ANN (O.S.)

Oh, I hate musclemen.

BACK TO SCENE

Gilligan sits on Mary Ann's lap.

MARY ANN

I like underdeveloped, underfed, undernourished men like you.

Mary Ann draws Gilligan closer by pulling on his hat and kisses him on the lips.

MARY ANN (cont'd)

Darling, you even have skinny lips.

Mary Ann kisses Gilligan and then showers his face with kisses.

DUKE

watches, grows angrier, and exits.

BACK TO SCENE

GILLIGAN

Take it easy. Take it easy. You'll break me.

MARY ANN

Gilligan, can't you be a little more romantic?

GILLIGAN

Okay --

Gilligan flaps his arms and BUZZES like the bees with the birds.

MARY ANN

Now what are you doing?

GILLIGAN

I don't know. It's got to do with the birds and the bees.

FLIP TO:

EXT. LAGOON - DAY

ESTABLISHING SHOT OF LAGOON

EXT. LAGOON BEACH - DAY

Duke carries his surf board. Professor carries a lei of fruit provisions for Duke's return trip.

PROFESSOR

All right, here are your provisions, Duke.

Professor hands the lei to Duke.

PROFESSOR (cont'd)

Now, remember, tell them our position is approximately a hundred and ten degrees longitude and ten degrees latitude.

DUKE

Okay, okay. But that's all I'm going to remember about this island.

MARY ANN

watches from the jungle. Mary Ann crosses her fingers.

MARY ANN

He fell for it.

BACK TO SCENE

Duke places is surf board in the water, climbs onto it, and pushes off.

PAN AND ZOOM TO

the Howells watching from the nearby jungle.

MRS HOWELL

Oh, dear, isn't it a shame he isn't a duke?

MR HOWELL

At the moment, I'm glad he's a surfer.

BACK TO SCENE

Duke paddles his surf board toward the lagoon's inlet.

PROFESSOR

watches Duke from the lagoon beach.

BACK TO SCENE

Duke paddles his board toward the lagoon inlet.

EXT. JUNGLE - DAY

Skipper carries binoculars around his neck. Skipper straddles Gilligan, but doesn't realize he's there and Skipper shouts for Gilligan.

SKIPPER

Gilligan?

GILLIGAN

You want me?

Skipper is startled.

SKIPPER

(sarcastically)

No, Gilligan, I called you because I want the Professor.

GILLIGAN

Okay.

Gilligan begins to crawl backward and out from between Skipper's legs.

SKIPPER

Come back here.

Skipper grabs Gilligan and drags him back to where he was.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Now, I want you to take these binoculars and get up that tree and let us know what he's doing.

GILLIGAN

Aye, aye, sir.

Gilligan grasps the binoculars still strapped around Skipper's neck.

SKIPPER

Wait a minute.

Skipper removes the binoculars from his neck. Gilligan crawls backward and stands up.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Here.

Skipper hands the binoculars to Gilligan. Skipper keeps looking out to the ocean.

GILLIGAN

Yes, sir.

Gilligan puts the binoculars around his own neck. Gilligan moves to a tree behind them and climbs it. Skipper glances back at Gilligan's progress in climbing the tree.

FLIP TO:

EXT. COCONUT TREE TOP - DAY

LOW ANGLE

Gilligan sit at the top of the coconut tree and looks through the binoculars.

GILLIGAN

watches Duke through binoculars.

GILLIGAN

Wow!

GILLIGAN'S POV THROUGH BINOCULARS

Duke surfing on a big wave.

RETURN TO SCENE

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Wow!

EXT. JUNGLE - DAY

HIGH ANGLE as Skipper looks up at Gilligan.

SKIPPER

Gilligan, "wow, wow, wow" doesn't tell us anything. Give us a report!

EXT. COCONUT TREE TOP - DAY

LOW ANGLE

Gilligan watches Duke's progress.

GILLIGAN

Aye, aye, sir.

GILLIGAN

watches Duke through binoculars.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

There he is. He's up on top.

GILLIGAN'S POV THROUGH BINOCULARS

Duke surfing on a big wave.

GILLIGAN (O.S.)

Now he's down at the bottom.

GILLIGAN

watches Duke through binoculars.

GILLIGAN

There he is.

GILLIGAN'S POV THROUGH BINOCULARS

GILLIGAN (O.S.)

Oh, he's on a big one! He's on the big one! Oh, ride 'em, Duke! Keep with it, boy! Oh, there he goes!

LOW ANGLE

GILLIGAN

He's on his way. I'm coming down.

EXT. JUNGLE - DAY

Skipper looks up at Gilligan. He turns around.

SKIPPER

Well, he's made it! Now it's only a matter of time 'til we --

Gilligan rapidly climbs down the tree and tumbles on top of Skipper. They tumble to the ground.

GILLIGAN

Skipper, did I hurt you?

Gilligan picks up Skipper's cap.

SKIPPER

No, Gilligan, you didn't hurt me. I'm used to having people fall out of trees on top of me.

Gilligan hands the cap to Skipper. Skipper gives an aside glance. Skipper places his cap on his head and realizes that it was full of sand. Skipper removes his cap and sand falls off his head. Gilligan looks sheepish.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Thanks a lot, Gilligan.

FADE OUT.

END OF ACT TWO

TAG

FADE IN:

INT. BOYS HUT - DAY

GILLIGAN

rests his head on his hands with the radio in front of him. PULL BACK to reveal Skipper, Gilligan, and Professor sitting at the square table listening to the radio.

RADIO ANNOUNCER (V.O.)

As you know, ladies and gentlemen, there has been a week-long search for a missing surfer. Well, this afternoon, he was found, and we have him here at our microphone. You're--uh--Duke Williams, right?

DUKE (V.O.)

Yeah, I think so.

GILLIGAN

He made it! He made it!

Skipper shushes Gilligan.

RADIO ANNOUNCER (V.O.)

Can you tell us about your adventure?

DUKE (V.O.)

Well, I hit this rock when I beached and --

RADIO ANNOUNCER (V.O.)

Duke, what about the two weeks you were gone? Where were you?

GILLIGAN

Here comes the best part, all about us.

SKIPPER

Gilligan, will you be quiet?

RADIO ANNOUNCER (V.O.)

I'm sorry, ladies and gentlemen, but the doctor is taking Duke back to his hospital room. I'm afraid the two-week-old mystery will stay a mystery forever.

Gilligan glances at Professor. Professor face-palms.

RADIO ANNOUNCER (V.O.) (cont'd)

When Duke Williams hit that rock, he evidently developed amnesia. He can't remember where he was or what he did.

Skipper turns off the radio. Gilligan leans his head on his hand.

SKIPPER

Amnesia. Well, our luck is still holding up.

Professor lifts his head.

PROFESSOR

And I was so sure we'd be rescued.

GILLIGAN

Well, that's the way it goes.

(stands)

Sometimes the surf is up

(sits)

and sometimes the surf is down.

SKIPPER

And just what does that mean?

GILLIGAN

I don't know. I'm still trying to figure out the birds and the bees.

Gilligan rests his head on his hand. Skipper and Professor glance at each other.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. GILLIGAN'S ISLAND - DAY

ESTABLISHING SHOT OF GILLIGAN'S ISLAND

FADE OUT.

THE END