TEASER

FADE IN:

EXT. LAGOON - NIGHT

Under the cover of darkness, Farrell and his accomplice Gates pilot a small boat with an outboard motor into the lagoon. The motor is cut and the men use oars to paddle their way on to shore quietly. Once ashore, Farrell steps onto the shore. Gates removes Jackson's provisions from the boat. Jackson ventures into the jungle followed by Gates. Both men are in suits and wear hats. They look remarkably like gangsters.

EXT. JUNGLE - NIGHT

Farrell makes his way into the jungle. Gates carries Farrell's provisions.

GATES

What a haul, boss. Half a million bucks!

Farrell steps over a fallen tree trunk.

FARRELL

I'm well aware of the contents, Gates.

Gates puts the provisions down.

GATES

Boy, you sure know how to pick a hideout, boss. Why, this little old island ain't even on the maps.

FARRELL

Precisely. Uncharted, uninhabited. A perfect place to relax while the police conduct their investigation.

Gates pats Farrell on the back.

GATES

I'll be back for you real soon, boss.

FARRELL

You boys take the Sea Spray back into the regular shipping lanes as soon as possible so the Coast Guard will spot you.

GATES

Huh?

FARRELL

Now, once the Sea Spray has been boarded and searched you come back here, pick me up, and we go to South America.

GATES

I gotta hand it to you, boss. Now, look, you got everything?

FARRELL

Well, let's see. Foodstuffs, cooking utensils, bedroll, a large deposit from the Monarch Bank, and a good friend.

Farrell opens his suit coat to reveal a gun.

GATES

You got everything. I'll see you, boss.

Gates pats Farrell on the back again, turns, and walks through the jungle underbrush.

FADE OUT.

END OF TEASER

ACT ONE

FADE IN:

EXT. ISLAND BEACH - ESTABLISHING SHOT - DAY

EXT. CAMP - DAY

Skipper, Gilligan, and Professor emerge from the jungle into the camp clearing. Skipper calls out to the girls.

SKIPPER

Ladies, what's for breakfast?

Gilligan, Skipper, and Professor sit down at the community table. Mary Ann emerges from the girls hut with a tray of food.

MARY ANN

Take a wild guess and try coconut.

The men groan.

SKIPPER

Well, never mind, just dig in.

Ginger emerges from the girls hut too.

GILLIGAN

But, Skipper, it's always coconut. Sliced coconut, diced coconut, baked coconut, fried coconut -- coconut on coconut, coconut stuff --

GINGER

We're gonna have a treat for Thanksgiving dinner.

GILLIGAN

What's that?

GINGER

Coconut drumsticks.

Gilligan puts his head down on the table in disappointment.

EXT. JUNGLE - DAY

Farrell fries bacon in a frying pan. With a fork, he holds a piece of partially cooked bacon near his face to smell it.

EXT. CAMP - DAY

As the men sit and eat their coconut meals, Gilligan sniffs the air. Gilligan pauses.

GILLIGAN

I smell bacon.

SKIPPER

Sure you do, Gilligan.

Skipper scoffs. Skipper leans over to the Professor. The Professor also leans in. Skipper gives an aside glance.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

I think Gilligan's been on the island too long.

Gilligan gives Skipper a dirty look.

EXT. JUNGLE - DAY

Farrell enjoys the aroma of the bacon on his fork. He looks at the bacon and provides a hint of a smile.

EXT. CAMP - DAY

The men sit at the table and eat coconut from their plates.

PROFESSOR

You know, I thought I smelled bacon, too.

GILLIGAN

(to Skipper)

See?

Yet the Professor dismisses the idea completely.

PROFESSOR

Yeah. Unfortunately, it's just a figment of our imagination.

GILLIGAN

Yeah? Well, my figment smells just the way I like it. Well-done and crisp.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. JUNGLE - DAY

Gilligan searches the jungle for date trees. He holds a bow and arrow. His quiver is strapped over his shoulder. Today his prey are the dates that grow high in the trees.

SKIPPER (O.S.)

Gilligan!

GILLIGAN

Over here, Skipper.

Skipper emerges from the jungle growth.

SKIPPER

Listen, little buddy, if we want to eat something beside coconuts every day, we're gonna have to hustle up some other kind of food.

GILLIGAN

I'm all set. I'm gonna pick some dates.

SKIPPER

With a bow and arrow?

GILLIGAN

Well, it's a cinch we can't climb these trees, so I figure I'll just shoot them down.

SKIPPER

Well, certainly, Gilligan. If you're real careful -- maybe you can shoot the pits out of them at the same time.

GILLIGAN

I bet it works. Watch.

SKIPPER

Gilligan, you've pulled some pretty funny stunts on this island since we've been here, but --

Gilligan shots the arrow high into the tree above them. Dates rain down.

GILLIGAN

Ooh ooh ow ow, it worked. It worked, Skipper! Look, Skipper! Look at them all! Dates and dates and dates and dates!

SKIPPER

Little buddy, you did it!

GILLIGAN

Yeah.

SKIPPER

Okay, I'll gather these up and take them back to camp. You go out and hunt some more.

GILLIGAN

But Skipper, I shot them down, so I ought to take them back to camp.

SKIPPER

Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

Like I was saying, I shot them down, so you ought to take them back.

SKIPPER

Exactly.

GILLIGAN

See you later.

Gilligan leaves the Skipper to pick up the dates. He ventures further into the jungle.

WIPE TO:

EXT. JUNGLE - DAY

Farrell sits on his suitcase and counts the bills from the stolen loot. He hears some foliage rustling and stops counting. He picks up the bag of loot, stuffs the money back inside, and rises to his feet.

In the distance, Gilligan hunts for dates.

Farrell finds a small bare tree, reaches up, and puts the bag of money between two branches of the tree.

Gilligan inserts an arrow onto his bow and spies dates in a tree. Farrell removes his gun and points it at Gilligan. Gilligan crouches down to steady himself and takes aim. Farrell turns around to look to Gilligan's target. Gilligan shoots his arrow. Another direct hit! Dates rain down on Farrell. Farrell puts his gun away. Gilligan walks over to the base of the date tree.

GILLIGAN

I did it. I got a hit, a direct hit! Oh, boy, oh boy! Look at them all! A big hit! Look! Look! Look!

Gilligan notices Farrell, is startled and his excitement ends.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

What are you doing here?

FARRELL

Me? I was just about to ask you the same thing.

GILLIGAN

I was shipwrecked.

FARRELL

Amazing. That's just what happened to me. Shipwrecked. Barely made it to shore.

GILLIGAN

I'm sure glad you made it. But if you were shipwrecked how come your clothes are not even wrinkled?

Gilligan reaches out to touch Farrell's suit's label. Farrell stops him.

FARRELL

Drip-dry --

GILLIGAN

Your shoes?

FARRELL

Drip-dry, too.

GILLIGAN

I guess they're drip-drying everything back home since we got shipwrecked.

FARRELL

We?

GILLIGAN

Yeah.

FARRELL

There are other people on this island beside yourself?

GILLIGAN

The Skipper, the Professor, Ginger, Mary Ann, Mister and Missus Howell.

FARRELL

I see.

GILLIGAN

I don't know how your boat got wrecked. No boats ever come around here.

FARRELL

I was destined for an island somewhere in this vicinity.

GILLIGAN

All the islands here are uninhabited except a few that have wild natives on them.

FARRELL

Well, that's just it. I was heading for an island with wild natives. I was going to help them rid their island of tropical diseases. You see, I'm a doctor.

GILLIGAN

A doctor? Oh boy, what a break, having a doctor here on the island. Did you save many lives?

FARRELL

Saved a few, lost a few.

GILLIGAN

Can't win them all.

Gilligan shakes his head. Farrell shakes his head too. Gilligan nods. Farrell nods in return. Gilligan offers his hand to Farrell.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

My name's Gilligan.

FARRELL

I'm Jackson Farrell. Doctor Jackson Farrell.

GILLIGAN

Glad to meet you, sir. Come on back to camp, I'll introduce you to the rest. You'll like them. I know you will.

FARRELL

I'm sure I will. Oh, I see you have a bow and arrow. Does that mean there are no guns on the island?

GILLIGAN

Oh, we have guns.

FARRELL

Oh?

GILLIGAN

No bullets.

FARRELL

Oh.

Farrell smiles. Gilligan shows Farrell what he does with it. Gilligan removes an arrow from his quiver and places it into his bow.

GILLIGAN

I use it to shoot down dates.

FARRELL

Quite right. That's how we met.

GILLIGAN

You kind of get it like that, and then --

Gilligan lets go of the bowstring and the arrow flies. It flies right into the bag of money that Farrell hid earlier. The arrow anchors the bottom of the bag, which pivots and dumps its content. A shower of bills falls from the bag. Gilligan is astonished! He walks over to the tree.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Money!

Farrell is right behind him.

FARRELL

Gilligan!

GILLIGAN

Money.

FARRELL

Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

Money, money, money!

Farrell tries to calm Gilligan.

FARRELL

Now, Gilligan --

GILLIGAN

We're rich! We're rich! Rich, rich, rich.

FARRELL

Gilligan, just a minute!

GILLIGAN

Don't worry, I'll cut you in 'cause you were here when I found it. Oh, boy.

Gilligan notices the bag from which the money fell.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

How did it get up there?

He pulls the arrow out of the bag. Farrell takes the bag and collects the money into the bag. Gilligan uses an arrow to stab the money.

FARRELL

Now, let me explain, Gilligan. You remember me telling you about the natives and the tropical diseases? Well, this money was part of the endowment to build a hospital on that island.

GILLIGAN

Oh.

FARRELL

Fortunately, I saved the sack before the boat went down.

GILLIGAN

You mean, people donated this money to you?

Farrell pauses. He nods. Gilligan stops stabbing the currency. Farrell grasps the end of the arrow and removes the money.

FARRELL

That's a good way to put it. They donated it to me.

GILLIGAN

It sure was generous of them.

FARRELL

Gilligan, you should have seen the way they handed it over to me.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. CAMP - DAY

The Howells lounge on their chairs with tall glasses of tropical drinks as Gilligan and Farrell walk through the jungle toward camp. Mr. Howell's pith helmet is pulled over his face as he leans back in his chair.

GILLIGAN (O.S.)

Mister and Missus Howell?

Mrs. Howell turns.

MRS HOWELL

Here comes Gilligan with a man we've never seen before.

Mr. Howell pulls his pith helmet back.

MR HOWELL

Oh, I do wish he wouldn't drop by with people. We're not even dressed.

GILLIGAN

Mister and Missus Howell, I'd like you to meet Doctor Jackson Farrell.

Mr. Howell gets up.

MRS HOWELL

Doctor? How marvelous!

MR HOWELL

Doctor, you know, I have the worst shooting pain.

Mr. Howell points at his side. Farrell grabs his wrist as if he's checking Mr. Howell's pulse.

FARRELL

Have you had it before?

MR HOWELL

Yes, yes.

Farrell places his hand on Mr. Howell's forehead.

FARRELL

Well, you've got it again.

Farrell drops Mr. Howell's arm and releases his forehead.

GILLIGAN

He was shipwrecked like us. He was on his way to an island to help the natives.

MR HOWELL

You work with natives? That must be very rewarding.

GILLIGAN

I'm gonna go tell the others.

Gilligan exits.

MR HOWELL

Yes, yes, you do. Will you sit down, Doctor? Perhaps you can join lovely Missus Howell and myself.

Mr. Howell sits next to Mrs. Howell and Farrell sits on Mr. Howell's chair.

MRS HOWELL

So, you were wrecked en route to the island?

FARRELL

Yes, it came as quite a blow. I had great plans for the island: modern hospital, latest technical equipment, a lab --

MR HOWELL

Oh, your laboratory. Hospitals happen to be one of our favorite charities. Lovey, remind me to send him a check. Will a few hundred thousand dollars be enough?

Farrell is startled. He removes his hat.

FARRELL

A few hundred thousand?

MRS HOWELL

But, of course, Doctor, philanthropic work like yours must be encouraged. Native diseases so often affect the natives.

MR HOWELL

Doctor, for that kind of money, could you possibly name a disease after us?

Farrell mulls it over.

MRS HOWELL

Yes. Not the run-of-the-mill disease, Doctor. Something a little special. For example, something like beriberi.

Farrell nods in consideration of the idea.

MR HOWELL

Yes, yes, perhaps you could call it Howell-Howell.

MRS HOWELL

Oh, marvelous, Thurston! In that way, we'd each get separate billing.

The Howells rub their noses together. Farrell is puzzled and doesn't know what to make of the Howells.

FLIP TO:

EXT. JUNGLE - DAY

Gilligan explains Farrell's situation to Mary Ann and Ginger. Ginger leans on a tree.

GILLIGAN

And he was washed up on the island, just like we were.

GINGER

Oh, I'm so glad you were saved, Doctor.

MARY ANN

What a lucky break for us. In case any of us get sick, you can give us a shot.

FARRELL

That's true.

(places hand over the gun hidden in his coat)

I might be able to give you a shot at that.

GILLIGAN

He's a real famous doctor. He builds hospitals and everything.

GINGER

Oh, how exciting. What do you specialize in, Doctor?

FARRELL

Surgery.

MARY ANN

Surgery!

FARRELL

Yes, I've devoted most of my life to removing things.

Farrell smiles and nods.

FLIP TO:

EXT. CAMP - DAY

Professor, Gilligan, Farrell, and Skipper argue over where Farrell will bunk. The men eagerly try to convince Farrell to bunk with them.

SKIPPER

I insist that you move in with us --

FARRELL

No, I won't hear of it.

SKIPPER

-- and share our hut.

PROFESSOR

Why certainly, Doctor. Everything we have is yours.

FARRELL

You're all very kind but I'm sure you're somewhat pressed for accommodations.

PROFESSOR

Oh, nonsense, we've got plenty of room.

SKIPPER

You could have Gilligan's bunk.

Gilligan frowns.

FARRELL

Now, I don't wish to impose.

SKIPPER

Well, it's no imposition at all, is it, Gilligan?

GILLIGAN

(unenthusiastically)

No, it's no imposition at all.

SKIPPER

Gilligan'll move his gear out right away. Won't you, Gilligan?

GILLIGAN

Sure, "he'll move his gear out right away, won't you, Gilligan?"

Gilligan turns and walks over to the boys hut.

FARRELL

That Gilligan.

Gilligan walks into the doorframe of the boys hut.

INT. BOYS HUT - DAY

Muttering under his breath, Gilligan enters the hut, walks over to his bunk, and rolls up his blanket. Gilligan turns on the radio. As the news report unfolds, Gilligan stops to listen carefully to the new bulletin.

RADIO ANNOUNCER (V.O.)

We interrupt this program for this special news bulletin. The international master criminal, Jackson Farrell, has escaped by sea with over a half million dollars taken in a holdup from the Monarch Bank last Thursday.

Gilligan rhetorically asks the radio.

GILLIGAN

Jackson Farrell?

Gilligan is in disbelief.

RADIO ANNOUNCER (V.O.)

Yes, Jackson Farrell has done it again. No clues are available, but it is suspected that Farrell and his accomplices are hiding out somewhere in the tiny uncharted islands of the South Pacific.

EXT. CAMP - DAY

Professor, Farrell, and Skipper discuss rescue.

PROFESSOR

Well, Doctor, when they discover that you haven't arrived on this native island they'll send out a search party, won't they?

FARRELL

That's possible. Very possible.

Gilligan emerges from the hut and tries to get the attention of Skipper. He puts the radio down on the ground.

SKIPPER

Well, is it possible that when your ship -- Excuse me, Doctor. What is it, Gilligan? Is something wrong with your finger?

Farrell turns around.

GILLIGAN

Nothing wrong with my finger.

SKIPPER

Do you want the doctor to look at it?

GILLIGAN

No.

SKIPPER

Then will you stop interrupting? I'm having a very important conversation with the doctor here.

Farrell turns back around. Gilligan waves his arms to get Skipper's attention again. Gilligan pantomimes a bank robbery by jabbing himself in the back and then holding up his arms.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Now, what I wanted to ask you is when your ship went down possibly they took a fix on our position.

Gilligan waves at Skipper and points to his back. Gilligan sticks his arms up again.

FARRELL

Unfortunately, it all happened so quick --

Farrell turns around and sees Gilligan with his arms stretched above him. He recovers by turning it into a fish story.

GILLIGAN

I just wanted to say I caught a fish this big.

SKIPPER

Well, good for you, Gilligan. Now, will you get in the hut and clean it out so the doctor can move in?

FARRELL

What's that you've got there, Gilligan? A transistor radio?

Gilligan picks up the radio.

GILLIGAN

Yes, sir.

Farrell begins to grow suspicious.

FARRELL

Oh, then you're able to receive news from the outside world.

GILLIGAN

Well, we could if it worked.

SKIPPER

Well, Gilligan, there's nothing wrong with that --

Gilligan pretends to turn on the radio.

GILLIGAN

See? I turn it on, nothing even happens.

Skipper walks over to Gilligan.

SKIPPER

Give me that radio.

Gilligan tries to keep the radio away from Skipper.

GILLIGAN

No, Skipper. It doesn't work, Skipper. No, Skipper. It doesn't work.

SKIPPER

Give me the radio.

GILLIGAN

Skipper, it doesn't work.

Skipper and Gilligan fight for control of the radio, but it falls out of their hands.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Now you did it. You broke it. It'll never work now.

SKIPPER

You'd better hope it works, Gillian!

RADIO

on the ground.

RADIO ANNOUNCER (V.O.)

Repeating our previous bulletin.

BACK TO SCENE

Gilligan looks at the radio with dread. As the story is retold, Gilligan picks up the radio.

RADIO ANNOUNCER (V.O.) (cont'd)

It has been definitely confirmed that the holdup of the Monarch Bank was masterminded by Jackson Farrell.

Gilligan turns off the radio.

GILLIGAN

Well, that's the news for today. Let's go back and hit the hut.

Farrell pulls the gun out of his suitcoat.

FARRELL

Hold it!

(motions Professor to join Skipper and Gilligan)

So now you know. Before too long, a boat will arrive to pick me up. Until that time, I don't want any problems. If any problems do arise, I won't hesitate to eliminate them. Any questions?

Gilligan raises his hand.

GILLIGAN

Any bullets in that gun?

Farrell smiles and fires the gun. Professor tenses up. The bullet hits the door frame between Gilligan and Skipper.

FARRELL

Any more questions?

Gilligan nods briskly. Skipper turns and looks at the bullet hole in the door frame.

FADE OUT.

END OF ACT ONE

ACT TWO

FADE IN:

EXT. CAMP - ESTABLISHING SHOT - NIGHT

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. BOYS HUT - NIGHT

Skippers sits on his bunk. Gilligan and Professor stare out the window and door of the hut.

SKIPPER

Any sign of him?

GILLIGAN

No, he must be down by the fire someplace.

PROFESSOR

Well, we've got to have a plan of action. It seems reasonable he can't stay awake all night.

SKIPPER

Exactly. He's gotta doze off sometime. That's when we can get his gun.

GILLIGAN

Yeah, and when he dozes off, you two jump him and his gun will fly up in the air, and I'll catch it and say...

Gilligan motions as if he had a gun and points it out the window. Farrell pops up in the window pointing the GUN at Gilligan.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

... Good evening.

FARRELL

Good evening. It sounds like a very intriguing plan. Now, stay right there.

Farrell opens the hut door and enters the hut. He points his gun at Gilligan as he explains the new situation.

FARRELL (cont'd)

Don't move. I've just finished tying up the others for the evening and now I want you

(motions gun at Gilligan)

to tie up both of them. Him first.

Farrell motions the gun toward Skipper and hands a ROPE to Skipper. Gilligan takes the rope and walks over to Skipper.

GILLIGAN

Skipper, you'd better lay down.

Gilligan ties Skipper to his bunk.

SKIPPER

(whispers)

Leave it a little loose.

GILLIGAN

(loudly)

Leave it a little what?

Gilligan realizes his mistake and looks over at Farrell, who insistently points his gun at Gilligan.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. BOYS HUT - NIGHT - LATER

Skipper is thoroughly tied to his bunk. Gilligan lies next to him on a bunk. Farrell secures the rope on Professor on the third bunk.

FARRELL

There. That should keep you gentlemen in place for the night. I hope I haven't cut off your circulation.

GILLIGAN

Oh, no, no. See?

Gilligan moves his legs to show Farrell that the ropes are entirely too loose. Gilligan wiggles his foot and the rope falls off. He waves his leg in the air. Farrell crouches down and reties Gilligan's leg. As he rises to his feet, he pats Gilligan on his knee.

FARRELL

Thanks for telling me, Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

You're welcome.

Farrell turns and exits the hut.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. BOYS HUT - NIGHT - LATER

Skipper awakes and realizes some time has passed. He looks around and doesn't see Farrell, so he pulls at his bonds. He tries to rock his bunk so that he might get on his feet. On the second try, Skipper makes it further. The third try is almost successful. Skipper lies all the way back down. Gilligan sees what the Skipper has been doing and tries to get his bunk upright. Professor joins in. All three try to get their bunks upright. They struggle, but Skipper finally makes it to his feet. Gilligan joins him. Professor finally makes it to his feet too. Skipper hobbles over to the door, but the bunk is too tall to make it through the door. He backs away from the door and turns to Gilligan.

SKIPPER

Gilligan, you try. You're thinner than I am.

Gilligan walks his bunk over to the door.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Bend way down.

Gilligan slams into the door frame.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

No, bend down.

Gilligan bends over forward and carries his bunk on his back.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

That's it.

Professor joins Skipper at the door. They try to push Gilligan through the door.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Come on, give him a push. Push, Gilligan.

Gilligan's face is wedged between the hut door and the bunk behind him. Skipper and Professor push.

GILLIGAN

No.

SKIPPER

Professor, push him.

Gilligan's face is mashed against the door.

GILLIGAN

Skipper, I'm stuck.

Gilligan's eyes grow wide.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Skipper, he's coming back.

EXT. CAMP - NIGHT

Jackson Farrell emerges from the jungle and walks across the camp clearing.

INT. BOYS HUT - NIGHT

Professor, Gilligan, and Skipper line up their bunks and ease them back onto the ground.

SKIPPER

Get down, boys.

They slowly descend to a horizontal, reclining position. Farrell looks in the window, hears the men snoring, smiles, turns around and walks away.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. JUNGLE - DAY

The Howells look for Farrell in the jungle. They come across his suitcase.

MR HOWELL

Mister -- Mister Farrell?

MRS HOWELL

Mister Farrell?

MR HOWELL

Farrell, where are you, Mister Farrell?

MRS HOWELL

Mister Farrell?

Farrell hears them calling for him and emerges from the jungle behind them.

MR HOWELL

Mister Farrell? Mister Farrell?

MRS HOWELL

Mister Farrell?

The Howells stop at the overturned tree trunk at the makeshift camp Farrell had set up. Farrell sneaks up behind the Howells.

FARRELL

Yeah?

Mr. Howell is startled.

MR HOWELL

Mister Ferrell, Missus Howell and I have been discussing this rather sticky situation that does exist between us.

MRS HOWELL

Yes, you know, the fact that you're a thief instead of a doctor.

MR HOWELL

Please, please Lovey. Doctor Farrell -- I mean, Mister Farrell -- I think this is something that could be negotiated between us.

FARRELL

Oh?

Mr. Howell removes a piece of driftwood from his coat.

MR HOWELL

So, I have this piece of driftwood--you see--I've used as a check--you see.

DRIFTWOOD CHECK

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

It says: "Pay to the order ...

BACK TO SCENE

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

... of Mister Jackson Ferrell one hundred thousand dollars." And my signature.

Farrell takes the driftwood from Mr. Howell and examines it.

FARRELL

A hundred thousand?

DRIFTWOOD CHECK

A small piece of seaweed makes it appear like there is a comma after the first zero, making it look like $10,000.

FARRELL (O.S.)

That says ten thousand.

BACK TO SCENE

MR HOWELL

Ten thousand? Oh, no...

DRIFTWOOD CHECK

Mr. Howell wipes off the seaweed, revealing that the intent was $100,000.

MR HOWELL (O.S.)

... that comma, that's a piece of seaweed.

BACK TO SCENE

MR HOWELL

Here we are.

FARRELL

Are you kidding? If I try to cash this crazy check, the police will be on me in a second.

MRS HOWELL

Thurston, he's right. It would be disastrous for Mister Farrell to cash that check.

MR HOWELL

Please, Lovey.

(to Farrell)

Sometimes I think a woman's place is in the hut.

Mr. Howell takes his driftwood check back. He takes Mrs. Howell's arm, they turn, and walk back down the path.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. BOYS HUT - DAY

Skipper sneaks around the boys hut and sees Farrell as he sits around the corner, enjoying a beverage from a bamboo glass. Satisfied, Skipper sneaks back to Gilligan to hatch their plan. Gilligan stands on a low rung on a ladder which reaches to the top of the hut. Gilligan holds a net with coconut anchors.

SKIPPER

It's the perfect setup.

GILLIGAN

Oh, great.

SKIPPER

I'll help you up. Okay?

Gilligan swings the net into Skipper's belly. Gilligan clumsily climbs the ladder. Skipper lifts the weighted net. Gilligan hoists the net over his shoulder, but it is so large that it is unwieldy. Gilligan slightly loses his balance and backs into Skipper, who tries to hold up the weighted net. Gilligan climbs up a few rungs.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Gilligan, will you stop that? I'm on your side.

Gilligan smiles and climbs up a few rungs.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Now, I'll grab his gun after you hit him.

Gilligan climbs down a few rungs.

GILLIGAN

How come we have to --

The weighted net comes down on Skipper. Gilligan nearly drops the coconut-weighted net on Skipper. It envelops Skipper's head. Skipper struggles to get the coconuts off his head.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Give me a hand, Skipper.

Gilligan climbs up the rungs of the ladder. As Gilligan moves up the ladder, Skipper climbs up a few rungs. Gilligan climbs onto the thatched roof of the hut. He gathers the coconuts and carries the them. His foot catches on the ladder and Skipper moves Gilligan's foot. Gilligan climbs across the roof, carrying the coconut weighted net, to a spot above Farrell. Gilligan peers down and evaluates the scene. Gilligan smiles and flashes the "okay" sign back to Skipper. Gilligan gathers up the net and lifts it over his head.

SKIPPER

winces as he hears a CRASH. Expectantly, Skipper sneaks around the corner to check on their trap. The chair on which Farrell sat is overturn, the net covering it, and Farrell's hat sits on top. The chair moves like there is someone under it.

SKIPPER

Nice work, Gilligan! We did it! We've got him!

Farrell pops up, still holding his beverage, from the nearby underbrush.

FARRELL

We have?

Farrell and Skipper both look to the chair.

ZOOM TO GILLIGAN

as he crawls out from under the netted chair. He spits out a fruit peel.

GILLIGAN

I'm sorry. I slipped.

Gilligan looks sheepish.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. JUNGLE - DAY

Ginger carries a bamboo container along a path in the jungle. Professor comes up behind her.

PROFESSOR

Here, let me help you.

GINGER

Thank you, Professor. Gee, there must be something we can do.

They stop.

PROFESSOR

Well, that gun is the key to the situation. If we could get that gun before his friends arrive, we'd have a chance.

GINGER

I think I've got an idea how to get that gun.

Farrell appears on the path behind them.

PROFESSOR

Oh? How?

Ginger turns and sees Farrell coming.

GINGER

(whispering)

Watch it, he's coming.

(loudly)

Okay, then be jealous. I'm telling you he's my kind of man.

PROFESSOR

What?

GINGER

If that's going to be your attitude, I don't want any part of you. Get lost. Go on, get lost!

Professor catches on. Ginger turns and walks toward Farrell. Professor makes a hasty exit. Ginger grabs Farrell's arm.

GINGER (cont'd)

Mister Farrell, we were just discussing you. Won't you sit down?

Farrell sits down on a chair.

GINGER (cont'd)

We were getting along so beautifully when we first met.

Ginger removes his hat and tosses it aside.

FARRELL

That's when you thought I was a doctor.

Ginger seductively puts her arms around his neck and gently strokes him.

GINGER

Yes. You're even more interesting now. It must be fascinating going to all those exotic places all over the world. When your friends come back how about taking me with you?

FARRELL

Say, that's an idea. I've got enough loot now to cover you in minks, sables -- You'd like that, huh?

GINGER

I'm a woman.

FARRELL

Yeah, I noticed.

Ginger runs her hand down his chest. She moves to the other side of the chair and sits down next to him. Ginger runs her hands down his chest and puts one hand inside his suitcoat.

GINGER

We could make beautiful music together, Jackson. Beautiful music.

FARRELL

Ginger?

GINGER

Yes, Jackson?

FARRELL

And that beautiful music will be: "And the Angels Sing," if you get any closer to that gun.

Farrell hears Gilligan running up the path and jumps to his feet.

EXT. CAMP - DAY

Gilligan runs out from the jungle to the clearing. Mary Ann follows him closely.

GILLIGAN

Hey, Skipper! Hey, Skipper! Hey, Skipper!

Professor rushes into meet them. Farrell and Ginger enter from the other side.

FARRELL

What's the hurry, Gilligan?

GILLIGAN

There's a boat rowing ashore.

FARRELL

It would seem my departure is near at hand.

Farrell climbs up the bamboo ladder to the roof of the boys hut. Gilligan and Professor help him up the ladder.

PROFESSOR

Mister Farrell, when you get back to civilization how about telling them we're stranded on this island?

ROOF

Farrell lies on his stomach on the roof, peering out to the ocean.

FARRELL

And run the risk of you returning and blowing the whistle on me and my friends? Gilligan, give me that glass.

BACK TO SCENE

Gilligan picks up a bamboo spyglass leaning on the hut and hands it up to Farrell.

ROOF

Farrell takes the spyglass and looks through it toward the ocean.

FARRELL (cont'd)

That isn't any of my boys. It's the Indigo Mob.

BACK TO SCENE

MARY ANN

The Indigo Mob?

FARRELL

They must have tailed me. Skipper, Mister and Missus Howell!

HUT DOOR

as the Howells and Skipper emerge from the hut. Farrell takes Mary Ann's hand and pulls her away from the other castaways. Farrell removes his gun and points it at them.

FARRELL (cont'd)

Now, you are all going to do exactly as I say.

ZOOM TO PROFESSOR

MATCH FLIP TO:

EXT. CAMP - DAY

Professor stands dressed as an island native. He has woolly hair, face paint, beads, various plants fashioned into decorations in his hair.

PAN TO MRS. HOWELL

who is dressed similarly, with face paint, large hoop earrings, and flowers in her woolly hair.

PAN TO MR. HOWELL

who is dressed as an island native chief. He wears a headdress, face paint, beads, and feathers.

PAN TO GINGER

who wears face paint, long dangling earrings, and a flower in her hair.

PAN TO SKIPPER

who wears woolly hair, face paint, and beads. Finally,

PAN TO GILLIGAN

who wears woolly hair, beads, face paint and earrings like the others.

PAN TO FARRELL

as he holds Mary Ann hostage and grasps her arm. He points his gun at her.

FARRELL

Remember, as natives you speak no English. Understand? You'll answer all questions in native gibberish.

GILLIGAN

But, sir, what if we happen to have --

Skipper puts his hand over Gilligan's mouth. Gilligan gets the gist and starts speaking in gibberish as Skipper releases his hand. Farrell smiles at him and Gilligan smiles back.

Farrell moves to get a better view of the jungle path and pulls Mary Ann with him. He sees the members of the Indigo mob coming down the path. He draws Mary Ann inside the hut.

FARRELL

I'll be inside the hut with a gun pointed at your pretty little friend. Remember, one slip-up, and no pretty little friend.

Farrell shuts the hut door behind him.

INDIGO MOB

appear at the edge of camp.

CASTAWAYS

dressed as natives are lined up.

INTERCUT

LUCKY

I hope one of them can understand English.

HANK

I've seen a lot of primitive tribes in my day, but this one takes the cake. This outfit can set back civilization two thousand years.

The castaways begin moving. Ginger dances.

LUCKY

Looking for white man. Criminal. He hold up bank.

Lucky forms the shape of guns with his fingers. Ginger continues to dance. Mr. Howell nods.

FARRELL AND MARY ANN

Farrell threatens her with his gun.

BACK TO SCENE

LUCKY (cont'd)

No speak English?

HANK

Lucky, it looks to me like they don't speak anything.

LUCKY

Yeah, come on, let's get out of here.

Skipper speaks in gibberish and Gilligan makes noises. Hank walks over to them.

HANK

Oh, so you do talk.

Hank points at Gilligan and Skipper.

HANK (cont'd)

Lucky, get a load of these two. It's hard to believe they're human beings.

LUCKY

Yeah.

Hank walks over to Ginger.

LUCKY (cont'd)

That one don't need to speak any.

HANK

You can say that again. Hello, dolly.

LUCKY

I think she's trying to tell you something, Hank.

HANK

I'm trying to tell her something, too.

Hank bites the air.

LUCKY

It's a good thing she can't understand English. She'd slap your face.

Ginger slaps his face. Hank is stunned. He leans over to Skipper. Skipper points to the hut with one hand, but masks his action with the other.

HANK

Must have been the way I said it. Let's get out of here.

Lucky and Hank walk to leave. As they pass Mr. Howell, he speaks.

MR HOWELL

Moola, moola, moola.

Lucky and Hank stop.

HANK

I could have sworn I heard him say, "Moola, moola, moola." Even the most native tribes must know about money.

LUCKY

He looks like the village bum.

Mr. Howell points to the hut while masking the gesture with his body.

MR HOWELL

Moola, moola, moola.

HANK

I guess he's asking for a handout.

MR HOWELL

Indeed.

Mrs. Howell scolds him in gibberish. She stomps her foot onto Mr. Howell's foot and Mr. Howell gets the message.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

Okey-dokey.

HANK

How do you like that? Even the natives are henpecked. Let's get out of here.

Lucky and Hank exit.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. LAGOON - DAY

Gates arrived in their boat, which rests on the lagoon shore. Professor, Skipper, and Gilligan help them load the Farrell's provisions and money onto the boat.

FARRELL

I want to thank you all for coming down here and seeing me off.

Gilligan hands Gates a bed roll. Gates loads it onto the boat.

PROFESSOR

Mister Jackson, please. Notify the authorities about us.

GATES

Sure we will, huh, boss?

Gilligan lifts a bag of money and turns toward the jungle. Gates catches him by the arm. Gilligan shakes Gates hand, but hands the bag to Skipper. Skipper pivots and hands the bag to Professor. Professor takes a step away from shore, but Farrell stops him and takes the bag of money. Farrell hands the bag to Gates. Gates puts the bag onto the boat. Farrell and Gates step into the boat and points his gun at the men.

FARRELL

Nobody likes a wise guy. All right, let's shove off.

Gates pulls on the cord to start the outboard motor.

FARRELL (cont'd)

Come on, Slim, give us a hand.

Skipper and Professor help push their boat off shore. The motor putters to life. The anchor line stretches to shore, where the anchor sits. Farrell realizes they are still tethered to shore.

FARRELL (cont'd)

Gilligan, give us the anchor.

Gilligan removes the anchor where it is hooked behind a fallen tree trunk. He swings it around his head like a shot put.

FARRELL

FARRELL (cont'd)

No! No, don't throw it! Bring it to me!

GILLIGAN

as he winds up and releases the anchor.

BOAT

The anchor misses the boat, but the line wraps itself around a bag of money and pulls it overboard. The bag sinks with the anchor. Farrell looks over the side of the boat in dismay.

FARRELL (cont'd)

The money! The money!

Farrell and Gates look toward the motor.

BOAT OUTBOARD MOTOR

Currency floats to the top of the water after it has been chopped to bits.

BACK TO SCENE

FARRELL (cont'd)

Stop the motor! Stop the motor! The propeller's chewing the money up to bits.

Gates kills the motor. Farrell stands up and steps off the boat into the lagoon.

LAGOON SHORE

Professor, Gilligan, and Skipper watch from shore.

BACK TO SCENE

Farrell dives down and pulls up handfuls of destroyed currency.

FARRELL (cont'd)

It's all chopped up! It's all chopped up!

LAGOON SHORE

GILLIGAN

Cheaters never prosper.

BACK TO SCENE

Farrell toss the handfuls of money aside and reaches down into his coat and pulls out his gun.

FARRELL

I've gotta get that Gilligan!

LAGOON SHORE

Skipper, Gilligan, and Professor hit the sand.

BACK TO SCENE

FARRELL (cont'd)

I've gotta give it to that Gilligan!

He pulls the trigger and like a squirt gun, only water comes out. Farrell looks at his gun in disappointment.

GATES

The gun is wet, boss.

FARRELL

Thanks for the information.

SKIPPER

Hey, their gun is full of water. Come on, let's get them!

Professor, Gilligan, and Skipper run into the lagoon. Gates points to the castaways running into the water.

GATES

Here they come, boss.

FARRELL

Let's get out of here. With Gilligan on that island, you can't win.

Farrell climbs back into the boat. Skipper, Professor, and Gilligan swim after them. Gates steers the boat toward the ocean.

PROFESSOR

It's no use, Skipper. We can't catch them.

Gilligan dives under the water.

SKIPPER

I guess you're right, Professor.

Gilligan resurfaces.

GILLIGAN

Look, I'm looking for the money, and I think I got it.

SKIPPER

Bring it up!

GILLIGAN

I got it!

Gilligan pulls a lobster out of the water. The men laugh.

FADE OUT.

END OF ACT TWO

TAG

FADE IN:

INT. BOYS HUT - DAY

The radio sits on the floor. Gilligan sits at the table. A spool of currency, pasted together from bits, is spooled on the floor. Gilligan uses a brush and a container of paste to glue the bits together.

RADIO ANNOUNCER (V.O.)

We interrupt this program to bring you a late news bulletin. The Coast Guard has boarded the Sea Spray and apprehended Jackson Farrell and his gang of bank robbers.

GILLIGAN

Hey, Skipper! Skipper!

Skipper enters the hut.

RADIO ANNOUNCER (V.O.)

The authorities were unable to locate any of the loot from the Monarch Bank holdup, but several members of the gang confessed and Jackson Farrell and his men are being brought back for further questioning.

SKIPPER

The Coast Guard got them! Good for them!

GILLIGAN

Yeah, they'll put them in jail where they belong.

Skipper notices the string of bills spilling onto the floor.

SKIPPER

What are you doing?

GILLIGAN

Oh, well, I went skin-diving for the rest of the money, all the pieces. Boy, there's just some big bills. I've never seen so many zeros.

SKIPPER

And what is it you're doing with them?

GILLIGAN

I want to make one long million-dollar bill.

Gilligan counts off a length of currency.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Here, Skipper, have one --

(counts bills)

Here,

(hands strip of bills)

have three hundred thousand dollars.

SKIPPER

Thanks, little buddy.

Skipper accepts the strip of bills from Gilligan.

FADE OUT.

THE END