TEASER

FADE IN:

EXT. LAGOON - DAY

Gilligan wades in the lagoon and fishes for lobsters. He captures a lobster, struggles with it, and places it into his bag. A periscope pops out of the water behind Gilligan.

ZOOM ON PERISCOPE

GILLIGAN

senses someone, or something, is watching him.

BACK TO SCENE

He slowly turns around. The periscope lowers under the water and disappears. Gilligan turns around, scratches his head, and continues lobster fishing.

Gilligan looks up from the water. He senses he's being watched.

The periscope pops out of the water.

Gilligan starts to turn around.

The periscope dives below the surface again.

Gilligan turns around. The periscope bubbles behind him.

The periscope emerges from the water.

Gilligan turns. The periscope disappears again.

Gilligan notices something in the water in front of him. He watches the periscope pop out of the water. It is covered in seaweed. He stares into its lens. He thinks it is a sea monster and this scares him, so he yells for help. He abandons his lobster bag and runs ashore.

GILLIGAN

Help! Sea monster! Help! Run for your lives! It's a sea monster!

FADE OUT.

END OF TEASER

ACT ONE

FADE IN:

EXT. GILLIGAN'S ISLAND - ESTABLISHING SHOT - DAY

EXT. CAMP - DAY

Gilligan explains to Skipper and Professor what he saw.

GILLIGAN

And then I see the saw serpent. I mean, I sir the saw sepent.

SKIPPER

Gilligan, little buddy, please. Now, calm down and just tell us what happened.

GILLIGAN

That's what I'm trying to do. I was fishing for lobster when suddenly I saw the sir sepent.

Gilligan forms the neck and head of a sea serpent with his arm, as if he had a sea serpent puppet on his hand. It looks at him and then at the others.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

I saw a thing.

Gilligan moves his hand, acting as the serpent's head, back and forth.

PROFESSOR

Gilligan, your panic is perfectly understandable.

GILLIGAN

It is?

PROFESSOR

Naturally. Anyone who saw a sea serpent would be terrified.

GILLIGAN

Then how come everybody is standing around like I didn't see one?

PROFESSOR

Because you didn't.

GILLIGAN

He had one big eye and a long neck and was covered with green things.

PROFESSOR

Listen to me, Gilligan. There is no such thing as a sea serpent. Sailing men from time immemorial, in Norse legends, in Greek mythology, in Phoenician times, all thought they saw things that didn't exist.

GILLIGAN

They did?

PROFESSOR

Actually what they saw was a giant squid, or a whale, or an overgrown eel, or even an octopus. Now, which one did you see?

GILLIGAN

The one with one big eye, a long neck, and is covered with green things.

PROFESSOR

I give up. Skipper, you talk to him.

Professor exits and walks into the hut.

GILLIGAN

Skipper, I saw it with my own two eyes. It has one big eye--

As he moves his hand to demonstrate the sea serpent, Gilligan pokes his sea serpent hand into Skipper's eye. Skipper takes Gilligan's arm and moves it away from this eye.

SKIPPER

Gilligan, do you trust me?

GILLIGAN

Of course I do.

SKIPPER

Then go back down to the lagoon and start picking more lobsters.

GILLIGAN

But, Skipper, what if it--

SKIPPER

Gilligan, all you have to do is just say to yourself, "There is no sea serpent. There is no sea serpent. There is no sea serpent. There is no sea serpent."

FLIP TO:

EXT. LAGOON BEACH - DAY

Gilligan stands looking over the water. Mr. Howell enters from behind him. Mr. Howell taps Gilligan on the shoulder.

GILLIGAN

There is, too, a sea serpent.

Gilligan turns and sees Mr. Howell.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Oh, it's you, Mister Howell. You scared me.

MR HOWELL

I, Thurston Howell the Third, scare you? That's absurd, my boy.

GILLIGAN

I know it is. I thought you were a sea monster, with one big eye, a long neck, and green things.

MR HOWELL

Please, I don't think I look like that.

GILLIGAN

Not you, the sea monster. That's how he looks.

MR HOWELL

Well, perhaps I can help you capture this creature from the deep.

GILLIGAN

Capture it?

MR HOWELL

Yes, I'll take it home and give it the freedom of my swimming pool. Can't you just picture it, Gilligan, my boy? My guests, all full of the bubbly, falling into the pool, one of them coming up astride a sea serpent.

Mr. Howell pats Gilligan on the bottom.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

Such laughs!

GILLIGAN

You don't believe me, either.

MR HOWELL

No, no, of course not. No, I don't. I think it's just a giant squid or an octopus. However, if you spot a mermaid, ...

Mr. Howell taps the back of his hand on Gilligan's abdomen.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

... sing out!

Mr. Howell walks along the lagoon beach and exits.

EXT. JUNGLE PATH - DAY

Mr. Howell continues his walk back to camp through the jungle.

MR HOWELL

If he spots a mermaid. That boy, I tell you.

Mr. Howell stops on the path. A Japanese sailor appears from the jungle foliage and approaches Mr. Howell. He pokes Mr. Howell with his bayonet.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

Be careful. That point is pointy.

Mr. Howell turns slightly and sees the Japanese sailor.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

By George! And I've got the money to buy George. That's a Japanese sailor.

The sailor motions for Mr. Howell to be quiet and then motions Mr. Howell into the jungle.

EXT. JUNGLE - DAY

JAPANESE SAILOR

You officer?

MR HOWELL

I'll have you know I'm an officer in eleven different companies.

JAPANESE SAILOR

Good. Good.

MR HOWELL

I have divisions in England, France, Italy, the Near East, Far East, and Middle East!

JAPANESE SAILOR

It's a great honor

(bows)

to capture you.

MR HOWELL

Capture me?

JAPANESE SAILOR

You prisoner. Come with me.

MR HOWELL

Wait a minute! That's incredible! That's impossible!

The sailor points the bayonet at Mr. Howell's face.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

It's credible and possible.

Mr. Howell slowly moves the bayonet away from his face and bows.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

(in Japanese)

Sayonara.

The Japanese sailor bows in return.

JAPANESE SAILOR

(in Japanese)

Sayonara.

Mr. Howell turns and the Japanese sailor follows. They exit.

FLIP TO:

EXT. CAMP - DAY

Gilligan tries to explain to Professor what happened.

GILLIGAN

One minute Mr. Howell was there, the next, he was gone.

Ginger, dressed in an evening gown, enters from the jungle.

PROFESSOR

Mister Howell always manages to be somewhere else when there's work to do. He's hiding.

GILLIGAN

But this is the first time ever in the stomach of a sea serpent.

GINGER

Hi.

GILLIGAN

(to Ginger)

Hi. And don't go swimming.

GINGER

I'm not exactly dressed for it.

PROFESSOR

Ginger, see if you can calm him down.

GINGER

You do look kind of worried, Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

No, I'm not worried. Not in the least bit. Scared, yeah. But not worried.

PROFESSOR

He's upset because he thinks Mister Howell has disappeared.

GINGER

Oh. Would you like me to help you go look for him?

GILLIGAN

No.

GINGER

Well, I could go first.

GILLIGAN

It's too dangerous for a lady.

GINGER

You could go first.

GILLIGAN

It's too dangerous for a man. How about you? You'll go with us?

PROFESSOR

No, Gilligan. I'm going to stay right here and finish my work.

Professor gets up from the table and exits. Gilligan heads for the lagoon and waves Ginger to follow him. Ginger follows.

EXT. JUNGLE PATH - DAY

TRACK WITH GILLIGAN AND GINGER

as they walk through the jungle.

GILLIGAN

You still behind me, Ginger?

GINGER

I'm right behind you, Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

I was walking along this path, not even thinking of lobsters, let alone sea monsters, and believe me, I'd let alone sea monsters if I had my choice.

Ginger is grabbed by the sailor and taken in the foliage.

EXT. LAGOON BEACH - DAY

Gilligan emerges from the jungle at the lagoon.

GILLIGAN

And I was standing right over here. Mister Howell came up to me and then started walking up the beach. And I stood here -- Ginger, are you still behind me?

Gilligan reaches behind without turning around to feel whether Ginger is still there. He doesn't feel her. Gilligan turns around and hears Ginger's scream. Gilligan bites his fingernails in fear.

EXT. CAMP - DAY

Mrs. Howell carries a parasol. Professor enters from the hut. Mary Ann walks toward Mrs. Howell.

PUSH IN ON MARY ANN, PROFESSOR, AND MRS. HOWELL

MARY ANN

What was that?

MRS HOWELL

It sounded like Ginger.

PROFESSOR

She's with Gilligan.

MRS HOWELL

Oh, Professor, I refuse to listen to anything more. Gilligan's a very nice little boy.

PROFESSOR

I didn't mean it like that.

MARY ANN

Well, what's happening?

PROFESSOR

Well, I was about to tell Missus Howell her husband was eaten by a sea serpent.

MRS HOWELL

Oh, That's silly. Thurston wasn't even dressed for dinner. Did you say he was eaten by a sea serpent?

PROFESSOR

No, no, no. Gilligan said it.

MRS HOWELL

Oh, that's different.

PROFESSOR

Missus Howell, you stay and wait for the Skipper. Send him down to the lagoon. Come on, Mary Ann.

The Professor grasps Mary Ann's arm and pulls Mary Ann with him.

PROFESSOR (cont'd)

I'll explain on the way.

They exit.

EXT. LAGOON - DAY

Gilligan wades in the lagoon, pushing water aside to look for Ginger.

GILLIGAN

I'll save you, Ginger! Don't give up, Ginger!

Professor and Mary Ann emerge from the jungle.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Hold your breath, I'll save you!

MARY ANN

You don't believe him, do you?

PROFESSOR

No. But there may be trouble. You stay here.

MARY ANN

Why?

PROFESSOR

Because I'm going to find out exactly what's happening.

The Professor wades into the lagoon to join Gilligan.

PROFESSOR (cont'd)

Gilligan. Gilligan, what happened?

GILLIGAN

The sea serpent ate Ginger.

PROFESSOR

Why did she scream?

GILLIGAN

Because it hurts.

PROFESSOR

Gilligan, will you get hold of yourself and tell me, step by step, exactly what happened?

GILLIGAN

Well, Ginger and me came down from the camp to the beach -- That is, I did. Ginger became an appetizer.

PROFESSOR

In other words, she was standing right where Mary Ann is now.

Gilligan looks to the beach.

GILLIGAN

Where Mary Ann isn't.

PROFESSOR

Gilligan, for the last time --

The Professor turns and looks to the beach. Mary Ann isn't there.

PROFESSOR'S POV - EMPTY LAGOON BEACH

A gong RINGS.

PROFESSOR (cont'd)

Mary Ann.

Gilligan and Professor race from the lagoon to the beach.

PROFESSOR (cont'd)

Mary Ann?

Gilligan and Professor race from the water to the beach.

EXT. JUNGLE - DAY

The Professor and Gilligan race into the jungle.

PROFESSOR

Mary Ann?

GILLIGAN

Professor, it's no use, it's just no use. Mary Ann's become a salad.

PROFESSOR

Gilligan, there's a perfectly logical and normal reason for what's happening.

GILLIGAN

A hungry sea serpent.

PROFESSOR

Nonsense.

GILLIGAN

Maybe you're right. After Mister Howell, Ginger, and Mary Ann, he's probably full.

PROFESSOR

Gilligan, I'll stand guard here. You go to camp and help Missus Howell find the Skipper.

GILLIGAN

You'll stay right here?

PROFESSOR

I promise.

GILLIGAN

Even if you're eaten?

PROFESSOR

Gilligan, will you hurry up?

GILLIGAN

Right.

Gilligan exits into the foliage. The Professor looks around for Mary Ann.

PROFESSOR

Mary Ann?

EXT. CAMP - DAY

Gilligan enters from the jungle.

GILLIGAN

Help! Hey, Skipper? Missus Howell?

Gilligan sees Mrs. Howell's parasol.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Oh, poor Missus Howell. Well, at least she's with Mister Howell now.

Skipper enters from the jungle carrying firewood.

SKIPPER

Gilligan.

Skipper startles Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

Oh, Skipper, am I glad to see you.

SKIPPER

I thought I told you to go get some lobsters.

GILLIGAN

Was that a big mistake.

SKIPPER

Where is everybody?

GILLIGAN

Out to lunch.

SKIPPER

Out to lunch?

GILLIGAN

The hard way.

SKIPPER

Gilligan, please, now why don't you start making some sense?

GILLIGAN

Right, make some sense. Where should I begin?

SKIPPER

Well, if you start at the beginning, that's always a good place.

GILLIGAN

I was catching lobsters, right?

SKIPPER

Right.

GILLIGAN

Then I saw a sea serpent.

SKIPPER

Right.

GILLIGAN

Then he ate Mr. Howell, Ginger, Mary Ann, and poor Missus Howell.

SKIPPER

Gilligan.

Skipper covers Gilligan's mouth with his hand so Gilligan can't talk.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

I'm not gonna lose my temper, am I? I'm not gonna get angry and blow my top, am I? No, I'm just gonna make you start over.

Skipper removes his hand from Gilligan's mouth.

GILLIGAN

You don't believe me, do you?

SKIPPER

Little buddy, I don't want to hurt your feelings, but no, I don't believe you.

GILLIGAN

Then I don't want to talk about it.

SKIPPER

Now, tell me what happened.

GILLIGAN

Nothing happened.

SKIPPER

Gilligan, where has everybody gone?

GILLIGAN

You and me are here, the Professor's at the beach, and the rest all got eaten up by a --

Skipper covers Gilligan's hand. Gilligan bites the Skipper's hand.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

-- sea serpent. So there.

SKIPPER

I suppose that you saw them eaten by the sea serpent?

GILLIGAN

No, not exactly.

SKIPPER

Now we're getting someplace.

GILLIGAN

We are?

SKIPPER

Yes, we are. We're getting to the beach and find the Professor.

Skipper motions for Gilligan to follow him.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Now, come on.

GILLIGAN

Not me, I'm not going back down there.

SKIPPER

All right, suit yourself. But don't forget to say hello to Missus Howell for me.

Skipper turns and exits into the jungle. Gilligan opens the parasol and is startled when he figures out what the Skipper meant.

EXT. JAPANESE SAILOR COMPOUND - DAY

DOLLY FROM WOMEN'S CELL TO BOYS CELL AND ZOOM

PROFESSOR

Very ingenious. Very ingenious.

MR HOWELL

Well, I'm glad that you approve.

PROFESSOR

You notice how he's got this constructed? If we try to squeeze through, or push or pull these bamboo poles, it tightens the wire and pulls the pin out of the grenade. Pow, splash, pow!

MR HOWELL

Must you be so graphic?

PROFESSOR

You don't understand, Mister Howell. It could be to our advantage.

MR HOWELL

The "pow" or the "splash"?

PROFESSOR

I only meant that we might be able to reason with this Japanese sailor. Only an intelligent person could construct such a barricade as quickly and efficiently as he did.

MR HOWELL

Well, he's smarter than we are.

PROFESSOR

What do you mean?

MR HOWELL

He's outside. We're inside.

The sailor looks up and down at Ginger and cat whistles.

MRS HOWELL

Oh, he speaks English!

The Japanese sailor walks over to the cell holding the men.

JAPANESE SAILOR

All right now. Time for interrogation.

PROFESSOR

Now look, this is really all quite unnecessary. The war has been over for more than twenty years.

MR HOWELL

I've heard of sore losers, but he's ridiculous.

The Japanese sailor makes comments in Japanese.

The Japanese sailor continues on in Japanese.

JAPANESE SAILOR

You don't call me ridiculous!

PROFESSOR

Surely you must have heard about the ending of the war on your radio.

JAPANESE SAILOR

Radio broke in nineteen forty-two. Transmitter, too. But pretty soon, I get spare parts.

PROFESSOR

When?

JAPANESE SAILOR

When I get leave. Best spare parts come -- Japan. Cheaper, too.

MR HOWELL

Have you heard about our discount houses?

JAPANESE SAILOR

You talk in code? Don't talk in code! Just give me information of the supply depot, ammunition, headquarters, everything!

PROFESSOR

Now look, there is no ammunition. There are no headquarters. The war is over!

JAPANESE SAILOR

What's the matter with you? You think I'm dumbbell, huh? I know American. I went to American college. I graduated you-see-el-ay.

MR HOWELL

Well, that explains everything.

PROFESSOR

What do you mean?

MR HOWELL

He's obviously not a Harvard man. Look at the cut of his trousers.

The Japanese sailor looks down at his feet and then back up at Mr. Howell.

EXT. LAGOON - DAY

FOLIAGE

Gilligan clears foliage away from a tiny one-person Japanese submarine. The tower has a World War II-era "rising sun" Japanese flag and Japanese glyphs.

DOLLY BACK TO REVEAL

Gilligan and Skipper sit on a large log at the edge of the lagoon. The submarine was hidden there by the foliage. They clear all of the foliage away.

SKIPPER

I don't believe it. I don't believe it.

GILLIGAN

I believe it. It's right here.

SKIPPER

I haven't seen one of these since the war.

GILLIGAN

Which one is it, the Monitor or the Merrimack?

SKIPPER

Not the Civil War, you lunkhead. Look at the name of the boat.

Skipper points.

SUBMARINE

Gilligan clears bits of foliage that remain, revealing Japanese glyphs.

GILLIGAN

Somebody sure has terrible handwriting. I can't make out you-ess-ess-anything.

SKIPPER

SKIPPER

Gilligan, it's Japanese.

BACK TO SCENE

GILLIGAN

Oh.

Gilligan opens the submarine's HATCH.

SKIPPER

This clears a lot of things up. It's in the papers all the time. Every year you read where they left some Japanese on a deserted island and they don't know the war is over yet.

GILLIGAN

It looked a lot bigger when it was a sea serpent.

SKIPPER

He must have the rest of the group held captive.

GILLIGAN

Then it's up to us to save them, huh?

SKIPPER

That's right, Gilligan. All I have to do is get in the sub, sail to Hawaii, --

BACK TO SCENE

SKIPPER (cont'd)

-- and bring back help.

GILLIGAN

You're a genius, Skipper.

Skipper steps into the submarine's open hatch.

SKIPPER

I know. And with the sub gone, it wouldn't make sense. The sailor wouldn't dare kill you and the rest of the group.

GILLIGAN

Me? Me? How do I get captured?

SKIPPER

I've got faith in you, Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

Oh, thanks, Skipper.

Skipper tries to get his torso and arms into the submarine, but he's too large. Gilligan tries to close the hatch before Skipper is all the way inside.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Bon voyage, Skipper. Have a good trip.

SKIPPER

Wait a minute, Gilligan!

Gilligan returns the hatch to its open position.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

I'm stuck.

GILLIGAN

You mean you can't get in?

SKIPPER

No, Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

And you can't get out?

SKIPPER

No, Gilligan!

GILLIGAN

That's why you're stuck.

SKIPPER

Yes, Gilligan.

FLIP TO:

EXT. LAGOON BEACH - DAY

Gilligan pours a bucket of coconut oil around the Skipper.

GILLIGAN

Here. Some coconut oil to make you slippery.

SKIPPER

Coconut oil is gooey.

GILLIGAN

Yeah, it'll make you more slippery. Here, come on. Let's go.

Gilligan pulls out Skipper's arms.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

See?

SKIPPER

It'll work!

GILLIGAN

Yeah, come on. Let's go.

Gilligan frees Skipper's arms. Then he turns Skipper around counterclockwise as if he was a screw in a hole. Skipper sinks into the submarine.

SKIPPER

Gilligan, you're turning me the wrong way!

GILLIGAN

Oh-oh. Here.

Gilligan turns Skipper clockwise and Skipper rises out of the submarine.

Skipper rises out of the submarine to his waist.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

See, it worked!

SKIPPER

That's right, little buddy, it worked fine. Get ready. You're going to have to captain the submarine.

GILLIGAN

Me?

Skipper climbs out of the submarine.

SKIPPER

Yes. Get down there behind that wheel. It's simple. Just drive it like an automobile.

GILLIGAN

Are you sure?

Gilligan climbs into the submarine.

SKIPPER

Yes. Just look at the dashboard and follow the instructions.

GILLIGAN

If you say so.

SKIPPER

Head northwest, and you'll hit Hawaii.

GILLIGAN

You can depend on me, Skipper.

SKIPPER

I wish you hadn't said that, Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

Just remember, your life is in my hands.

SKIPPER

Wish you hadn't said that, either.

Gilligan smiles back at Skipper.

GILLIGAN

Here goes!

Gilligan pilots the submarine away from the log dock into the lagoon.

Skipper waves.

Gilligan pulls the submarine away from the dock.

SKIPPER

Good luck, little buddy.

Skipper looks on.

Gilligan submerges the submarine, but the submarine fills with water because he forgot to close the hatch.

Skipper grimaces.

Gilligan is soaking wet. He pokes his head out of the submarine.

GILLIGAN

I forgot it was a convertible.

Skipper laughs.

Gilligan pulls the hatch closed. The submarine re-submerges.

Skipper sees that Gilligan finally gets the hang of it.

The periscope is the only part of the submarine that is visible.

FADE OUT.

END OF ACT ONE

ACT TWO

FADE IN:

EXT. LAGOON BEACH - DAY

Skipper observes Gilligan in the submarine.

The periscope travels around the lagoon in circular patterns.

Skipper expresses disappointment.

The periscope continues to travel around the lagoon.

Skipper turns to sit down on the log.

The periscope travels through the lagoon.

The periscope completely submerges and then emerges from the lagoon.

Skipper frantically watches Gilligan go around the lagoon in circles. A CRASH sounds.

SKIPPER

No, no!

Gilligan opens the HATCH and emerges from the submarine.

GILLIGAN

Hey, you! There's seven people captured on an island by a Japanese sailor! Hey, you!

Gilligan runs toward Skipper.

Gilligan runs toward Skipper. He grabs his arm without looking at his face closely.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Look, I know exactly where they are. Come on, come on, come on. Hurry up. We've got to hurry. Come on, let's go!

Gilligan pulls Skipper back toward the submarine.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

It's the Navy. Follow me. I know exactly where they are. Come on.

Skipper pulls is arm free.

SKIPPER

Gilligan!

GILLIGAN

Skipper? How did you get in Hawaii?

SKIPPER

You never left the lagoon.

GILLIGAN

I didn't?

SKIPPER

No, Gilligan. I told you to head northwest.

GILLIGAN

I know that.

SKIPPER

Then why didn't you do what I told you?

GILLIGAN

Because you didn't tell me what northwest looked like in Japanese.

SKIPPER

Japanese?

GILLIGAN

Yeah, all the directions down there are written like that.

Gilligan points to the ship name on the side of the submarine.

SKIPPER

I never thought of that. But Gilligan, we've got to find that sailor and have him teach you.

GILLIGAN

I could learn real fast.

SKIPPER

Good, Gilligan. Now, if you were a Japanese sailor, where would you be?

GILLIGAN

In Tokyo.

SKIPPER

I mean here on the island, Gilligan. We've got to find that Japanese sailor. Come on.

They exit.

EXT. JAPANESE SAILOR COMPOUND - DAY

Professor and Mr. Howell talk to the Japanese sailor from their bamboo cell.

MR HOWELL

Would you settle for general manager of my European sales force?

JAPANESE SAILOR

I'm Japanese sailor! Imperial Navy. I'm loyal to my Emperor.

MR HOWELL

Loyalty is something I admire in every man. It's a positive virtue. But would you be loyal, say, to fifty thousand dollars?

JAPANESE SAILOR

No, no, no! But thank you for important information.

MR HOWELL

Information? What information?

JAPANESE SAILOR

That war is nearly over, and that American Army is in bad, bad shape.

MR HOWELL

I never said the American Army was in bad shape.

JAPANESE SAILOR

Must be, to make man like you -- officer. I go talk to lady prisoner.

(in Japanese)

Thank you.

The Japanese sailor turns and walks over the women's cell.

The Japanese sailor unlocks the chain on the door, enters the cell, and re-locks the chain on the door. He eyes Ginger up and down. He sees Mrs. Howell. He walks over to her while wagging his finger. He looks Mrs. Howell up and down.

JAPANESE SAILOR (cont'd)

You are married to big mouth, huh?

MRS HOWELL

I am Missus Thurston Howell the Third.

JAPANESE SAILOR

Have been two other like that?

Mrs. Howell bounces her hair.

MRS HOWELL

There may be a Thurston Howell the Fourth.

Japanese Sailor gives an aside glance.

JAPANESE SAILOR

Wonder why Emperor want United States?

Japanese sailor looks back at Mrs. Howell.

MRS HOWELL

I demand you let us out of here immediately.

JAPANESE SAILOR

No can do.

MRS HOWELL

Then I have nothing more to say to you, you camera bug!

JAPANESE SAILOR

I change my mind.

MRS HOWELL

Then you're going to let us go free?

JAPANESE SAILOR

No. I was going to torture your husband, but now I'll leave that to you.

MRS HOWELL

Oh, Mary Ann, I think I've been insulted!

The Japanese sailor walks over to Mary Ann.

JAPANESE SAILOR

You I not ask yet. Maybe you give me information, huh?

MARY ANN

I'd rather die.

JAPANESE SAILOR

That could be arranged.

Ginger walks and pretends to sprain her ankle.

The Japanese sailor notices Ginger's sprain.

JAPANESE SAILOR (cont'd)

Don't go away, no. American movie star, she hurt!

He walks over to Ginger.

GINGER

I -- I think I sprained my ankle.

JAPANESE SAILOR

That's too bad.

GINGER

Maybe if you rub it. I mean, men's hands are so strong.

JAPANESE SAILOR

I was the strongest sailor in all navy. I broke five boards, one inch thick, with karate.

GINGER

And you're so handsome, too.

JAPANESE SAILOR

Handsome? No.

GINGER

(sultry)

Yes, you are.

JAPANESE SAILOR

Good-rooking, maybe.

GINGER

Very good-rooking.

JAPANESE SAILOR

You're good-rooking, too.

GINGER

Thanks. You know, if we were back in Hollywood now, why they'd go crazy about you.

JAPANESE SAILOR

Hollywood? Me, in the movies?

GINGER

Oh, yes. There's lots and lots of parts for big, strong Japanese men.

JAPANESE SAILOR

I could play a movie star, like Robert Taylor? Or like Robert Montgomery? How about the other one, Rroyd Bridges?

GINGER

Yes. You've got such smooth hair -- and a handsome face.

JAPANESE SAILOR

And good-rooking?

GINGER

Very good-rooking. And strong hands.

The Japanese sailor's glasses are completely fogged up.

JAPANESE SAILOR

Oh, please. You steam grasses.

MARY ANN

Ginger, I wouldn't do that.

The Japanese sailor has removed his fogged glasses.

GINGER

Why not?

MARY ANN

I don't think he's had a shore leave in over twenty years.

MRS HOWELL

I demand that you release us.

MARY ANN

After all, the war is over.

GINGER

And I won't speak to you again if you don't.

JAPANESE SAILOR

How you say "no" in English?

(pause)

No!

The Japanese sailor puts his glasses back on, turns, and exits. Ginger is surprised that her seduction didn't work.

EXT. JAPANESE SAILOR COMPOUND - DAY

Skipper and Gilligan spy on the sailor.

JAPANESE SAILOR

I don't sleep for forty-eight hours. I must sleep.

MR HOWELL

You seem to be forgetting the rules of the Geneva Conference. Officers are entitled to special treatment.

The Japanese sailor slowly walks over to the men's cell.

JAPANESE SAILOR

You get special prison camp.

MR HOWELL

I'm referring to the cocktail hour.

JAPANESE SAILOR

(to Professor)

You sure he's on your side?

PROFESSOR

Not always.

JAPANESE SAILOR

I sleep over there, huh. Don't you escape, huh?

MR HOWELL

Escape? The way you've fixed this chicken coop, how am I going to escape?

JAPANESE SAILOR

True.

PROFESSOR

Say, how did you learn to do this?

JAPANESE SAILOR

Pictures. American pictures with John Wayne.

Professor and Mr. Howell exchange glances. The Japanese sailor walks away from the men's cell.

EXT. JAPANESE SAILOR COMPOUND - DAY

They watch from a concealed position.

SKIPPER

He's up there.

Skipper points to the tree.

GILLIGAN

Oh.

The Japanese sailor positions himself to be comfortable and sleep.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

What are we gonna do?

SKIPPER

Watch and see what he does. Keep an eye on him.

GILLIGAN

But what are you gonna do?

SKIPPER

I'm going to let them out.

GILLIGAN

Okay.

SKIPPER

If he makes a move, whistle.

GILLIGAN

Like this?

Gilligan whistles loudly. Skipper covers Gilligan's mouth with his hand.

SKIPPER

Want to get us captured?

Gilligan shakes his head.

GILLIGAN

No.

Skipper rises to covertly release the captive castaways. The Japanese sailor sleeps. Skipper crawls past Gilligan.

SKIPPER

I'm counting on you, Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

Don't worry, Skipper. Your life is in my hands.

SKIPPER

I wish you wouldn't keep saying that. Watch him.

The Japanese sailor is in a deep sleep. He snores. Skipper crawls along the ground to the bamboo cells. Gilligan watches Skipper. The Japanese sailor sleeps. He hasn't moved from his previous position. Skipper crawls along the ground. Once he gets to the girl's cell, Skipper rises to his knees.

GINGER

Oh, am I glad--

Skipper shushes her.

SKIPPER

(sotto)

I'll have you out of here in no time.

PROFESSOR (O.S.)

(sotto)

Skipper, it'll take you a week to saw through those, even if you had a saw.

PAN WITH

Skipper walks to the men's cell and reaches to pry the bars apart.

MR HOWELL

(sotto)

Don't do that!

SKIPPER

(sotto)

Why not?

MR HOWELL

(sotto)

Well, because of pow and smash -- and other gory details I can't go into right now.

PROFESSOR

He's got it rigged with grenades. The slightest pressure, and --

SKIPPER

Pow.

They nod.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

I'll dig you out.

PAN ON

Skipper moves around to the side of the cell. The Japanese sailor can be seen at the other end of the bamboo jail clearing.

Skipper moves to the back of the cell and starts digging with his hands.

Gilligan sees the sailor is asleep.

The sailor holds a rifle with bayonet. A machine gun sits at the base of the tree. Gilligan approaches the sailor and climbs the tree. The sailor slaps at an insect on his leg.

Gilligan puts his head near the sailor's knee. The sailor slaps another insect and his hand lands on Gilligan's head. He scratches Gilligan's head and Gilligan scratches the sailor's knee. The sailor taps his fingers on Gilligan's head and Gilligan mimics that motion too. The sailor finally pulls his hand away, but he flexes his leg and kicks Gilligan on the chin.

Gilligan climbs up further and unties the cord wrapped around the sailor's neck that holds a key.

Gilligan puts the key in his back pocket.

He takes the sailor's hand and curls his index finger into a hook and places the finger in the sailor's breast pocket. Gilligan removes the rifle and bayonet from the sailor.

HIGH ANGLE ON

Skipper digs. Gilligan, with rifle, bayonet, machine gun, and key in hand, walks up behind Skipper.

GILLIGAN

Skipper, how you doing?

Skipper shushes him.

SKIPPER

Don't bother me. I'm doing fine.

PAN ON

Gilligan walks to the women's cell.

GILLIGAN

Hi, girls.

Gilligan leans the machine gun on the cell near Mary Ann.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Here, hold this, will you?

Gilligan unlocks the women's cell. The women escape. Mary Ann drags the machine gun.

MRS HOWELL

(sotto)

Gilligan.

Gilligan goes to the men's cell and unlocks it. They escape. The castaways gather behind Skipper as he digs. Gilligan hands Skipper the bayonet.

HIGH ANGLE ON SKIPPER

GILLIGAN

Here you are, Skipper, use this. It might go a little faster.

SKIPPER

Thanks, Gilligan.

SKIPPER

sees that he's surrounded by feet and that Gilligan has freed the other castaways. Skipper gives an aside glance.

FADE OUT.

END OF ACT TWO

TAG

FADE IN:

EXT. JAPANESE SAILOR COMPOUND - DAY

The tree where the sailor slept is empty.

EXT. CAMP - DAY

SKIPPER

He's gone! He was the only one who could've taught us to run that submarine.

GILLIGAN

He can't be, Skipper. He can't be.

GINGER

Oh, I think he's headed for Hollywood.

SKIPPER

We've got to get to that sub before he does. Come on.

FLIP TO:

EXT. LAGOON - DAY

The submarine periscope circles in the lagoon.

ZOOM TO PERISCOPE

They watch the periscope go in circles.

MR HOWELL

Extremely poor seamanship. He'd be drummed out of the Sunnybrook Yacht Club.

SKIPPER

I don't understand it. He's driving that thing like he was drunk.

Gilligan's back is turned away.

GILLIGAN

He's not drunk, Skipper.

Gilligan turns around. He's wearing the Japanese sailor's glasses.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

(faux Japanese accent)

He not have grasses on.

Gilligan puts his hands together and tips his head forward, as if to bow.

FADE OUT.

THE END