TEASER

FADE IN:

EXT. LAGOON BEACH - DAY

Gilligan practices his golf swing on the lagoon beach. Bamboo sawhorses, poles and pieces of the yet-to-be assembled watchtower are strewn about. A hammer rests on one of the sawhorses. Gilligan swings his club at the ball, twirls completely around, and falls to the ground in a heap. Gilligan gets up, dusts himself off, and lines up his next swing. Gilligan back swings and notices Skipper standing nearby with his arms folded over his chest.

GILLIGAN

Hi, Skipper.

SKIPPER

What are you doing, Gilligan?

GILLIGAN

Uh, Mister Howell was teaching me how to play golf and he even gave me this club to use.

Skipper picks up the hammer lying on the sawhorse.

SKIPPER

And I gave you this hammer to use.

GILLIGAN

Oh, I just took time out to practice my driving.

SKIPPER

Well, if you'd like to practice your driving, Gilligan --

(angrily)

-- start on those nails!

Gilligan hands the golf club to Skipper while taking the hammer from Skipper. Gilligan runs over to the watchtower project.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

I want that watchtower finished by tonight.

GILLIGAN

Why the big rush? Because you dreamed a ship will go by the island?

SKIPPER

Don't forget, Gilligan, this is the third night in a row I've had that dream.

Gilligan kneels down next to a bamboo brace and pulls a string tightly into a knot.

GILLIGAN

Oh, come on, Skipper. You don't believe in dreams.

SKIPPER

And what's more, this is the third day of the week of the third month. With all those threes coming up, are you gonna tell me that I'm wrong?

Gilligan stands up.

GILLIGAN

No, sir. I won't tell you you're wrong, 'cause you're three times bigger than I am.

SKIPPER

Okay, then. Get to work. Now really, Gilligan, when I have these dreams, they always come true.

GILLIGAN

Well, not always, Skipper. How about the time you dreamed I was gonna hit you in the jaw?

SKIPPER

Well?

GILLIGAN

I wouldn't do a thing like that. That'd be mutiny.

SKIPPER

Yeah.

Skipper laughs.

GILLIGAN

Not only that, it'd be suicide.

SKIPPER

I forgot about that one.

Skipper laughs again.

GILLIGAN

You see, Skipper, there's nothing to those dreams.

Gilligan hands Skipper the hammer and takes the golf club.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Here, watch my practice swing and tell me what I'm doing wrong.

SKIPPER

Hmmm. All right, Gilligan.

Skipper moves behind Gilligan to watch his swing.

GILLIGAN

Head down, left arm stiff, keep your eye on the ball.

Gilligan swings his club back and hits Skipper with a SMACK.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Was that you, Skipper?

SKIPPER

Uh-huh.

GILLIGAN

Where'd I hit you?

SKIPPER

Right in the jaw.

GILLIGAN

Just like you dreamed, huh?

SKIPPER

Yup, just like I dreamed.

GILLIGAN

Well, I better get back to work. That ship could be coming by any minute.

Skipper breaks the golf club over his knee.

FADE OUT.

END OF TEASER

ACT ONE

FADE IN:

EXT. GILLIGAN'S ISLAND - ESTABLISHING SHOT - DAY

Ocean waves hit the beach.

EXT. PUTTING GREEN - DAY

Mr. Howell hunches over, lining up a putt on the putting green. Mrs. Howell watches from the side. Mr. Howell's hat sits on her lap. Mr. Howell sinks a putt of a few inches. Mr. Howell fishes the ball out of the hole and kisses it.

MR HOWELL

I never thought I'd make that one. What did I get on the hole, dear?

Mr. Howell picks up his hat from Mrs. Howell's lap and wears it like the proud golfer he is.

MRS HOWELL

Now, let me see. Three, four -- You did much better this time, darling. You got a thirty four.

MR HOWELL

Thirty four? I finally parred the hole.

MRS HOWELL

I'm so happy for you. Are you going to play another round?

MR HOWELL

No, I think I'll practice a little. This oyster-shell putter doesn't feel right.

MRS HOWELL

Of course it doesn't. There's no "r" in the month. I'll see you back at the hut, dear.

Mrs. Howell exits. Mr. Howell approaches his ball on the putting green. He looks around to see if he is observed. He moves the ball closer to the hole. As Mr. Howell swings his putter, Gilligan carries the brace from the watchtower and passes behind Mr. Howell.

GILLIGAN

Hi, Mister Howell.

Mr. Howell completely misses the ball.

MR HOWELL

Look, Gilligan, never talk when a man is putting.

GILLIGAN

I'm sorry, Mister Howell.

MR HOWELL

Yes, that's perfectly all right. It's all right.

GILLIGAN

Just wanted to say hello.

MR HOWELL

Look, go stand over there, will you?

Mr. Howell motions to Gilligan to stand behind him. Gilligan moves.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

Putting is the hardest part of the game. It requires the utmost

(yells)

silence!

Mr. Howell turns around and positions himself to putt.

GILLIGAN

(whispers)

I won't say another word.

MR HOWELL

(frustrated)

Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

I'm sorry, but I don't see what's so tough about it, though.

MR HOWELL

You don't see what's so tough about it? Well, you just try it. Just go head. Try it.

Mr. Howell tries to give the putter to Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

I'd better not. The Skipper told me --

MR HOWELL

I don't care what the Skipper says. Go ahead, putt.

Mr. Howell tries to give the putter to Gilligan again. This time Gilligan accepts it.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

So easy. Putt.

Gilligan putts while still holding onto the brace with his other arm. The ball goes down the putting green, swings completely around the hole, and drops in.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

Well, that was just beginner's luck.

Mr. Howell retrieves the ball from the hole and carries it back.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

Besides, I wasn't talking while you were putting, my boy.

Mr. Howell places the ball for Gilligan to putt again.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

Yes, you just try putting while someone is saying something stupid, like: "Hello, Mister Howell." "Sorry, Mister Howell." "Looks easy to me, Mister Howell." Has this thing on his shoulder. Stomp, stomp, stomp. You just try putting while I'm talking. Go ahead, putt while I'm talking. Go ahead. Putt, putt, putt.

GILLIGAN

I did.

MR HOWELL

Where's the ball?

GILLIGAN/MR HOWELL

In the hole.

Mr. Howell retrieves the ball from the hole.

MR HOWELL

All right, well, that's two lucky breaks. That doesn't mean a darn thing. I'll tell you what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna bet you anything you can't do it again.

GILLIGAN

All I got is a quarter, Mister Howell.

Mr. Howell puts the ball down in front of Gilligan again. Mr. Howell pushes the ball into the green to make it harder to hit.

MR HOWELL

All right, that's good. Yeah, when you're putting with money, there's pressure. There's pressure. There. Try putting when you're --

Gilligan swings the putter.

GOLF BALL

sinks in hole.

Mr. Howell is dumbfounded.

GILLIGAN

I'll see you later, Mister Howell. I've got to get this over to the tower.

Gilligan moves to leave, but Mr. Howell stops him by grabbing onto the brace. They spin around completely.

MR HOWELL

Oh, no you don't. Absolutely not. You've got to give me a chance to get my money back.

GILLIGAN

But the Skipper told me --

MR HOWELL

I don't care what the Skipper told you. All right now, this one. Double or nothing. Ha ha. The pressure. This one is for fifty cents.

GILLIGAN

0kay.

Gilligan putts.

GOLF BALL

sinks in hole. Mr. Howell is increasingly irritated.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Now can I go, Mister Howell?

MR HOWELL

(angrily)

I'll tell you when to go.

(annoyed)

Young man, I think your luck is running out. This one's for one dollar.

Gilligan putts. The ball drops in the hole.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

(resigned)

Two dollars says says I'm right.

FLIP TO:

EXT. PUTTING GREEN - NIGHT

Mr. Howell holds a torch so he and Gilligan can see the putting green and the hole. Mr. Howell holds the ball up to Gilligan's face so he can see it in the darkness.

MR HOWELL

Come on, Gilligan, and putt.

GILLIGAN

But I can't see the hole.

MR HOWELL

Well, I can see it. Double or nothing.

Mr. Howell bends down and places the ball. The torch comes dangerously close to Gilligan and he recoils.

GILLIGAN

I ought to be going, Mister Howell.

MR HOWELL

You're not going anywhere. Nobody hustles me on a golf course.

GILLIGAN

But you said we could quit at ten thirty.

MR HOWELL

Will you stop watching the clock, and putt?

Gilligan putts. Mr. Howell grasps the torch firmly and walks toward the hole. The ball drops into the hole with a crunch.

GILLIGAN

Oh. I'm sorry, Mister Howell, but I think I did it again.

MR HOWELL

Cut out the chatter, will you, Gilligan?

GILLIGAN

We'll be out here all night.

MR HOWELL

I'll light the hole. Come on, putt.

GILLIGAN

Wonder what the Skipper's gonna say.

Gilligan turns around to find the Skipper standing there with his own torch.

SKIPPER

(angrily)

I'll tell you what he's going to say!

GILLIGAN

Never mind, Skipper. I think I can guess.

MR HOWELL

Captain, will you please get off the putting green? Gilligan and I have a little bet.

SKIPPER

A bet? Gilligan, what have I told you about gambling?

GILLIGAN

I know, Skipper. But I only bet a quarter, and I won.

Skipper pulls Gilligan aside to the edge of the putting green.

SKIPPER

Don't you realize that's the worst thing that could've happened to you?

GILLIGAN

It is?

SKIPPER

Why, certainly. You'd have been better off if you had lost the twenty-five cents.

Mr. Howell joins them at the edge of the putting green.

MR HOWELL

Yes, I couldn't agree with you more, Captain. Come on, Gilligan, putt.

SKIPPER

Just a moment, Howell. This boy doesn't know what he's doing.

Skipper pulls Gilligan to the other side of the putting green.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Gilligan, I know exactly what's going on in your mind.

GILLIGAN

You do?

SKIPPER

Certainly. You've gotten a little ahead, and it looks a pretty easy way of making some money.

Gilligan smiles broadly.

GILLIGAN

Sure does.

SKIPPER

Well, that's where you're wrong. How much do you think you can win gambling?

GILLIGAN

Six million dollars if I sink this putt.

SKIPPER

You see? A whole afternoon wasted, and for what?

(double take)

What?!

GILLIGAN

I already won three million dollars. We're playing double or nothing.

SKIPPER

Put that putter down, Gilligan.

(to Mr. Howell)

The game is over.

MR HOWELL

Just a moment, Captain.

SKIPPER

The game's over, Mister Howell. Frankly, I'm surprised. I didn't realize you were that sort of a man.

MR HOWELL

What sort of a man?

SKIPPER

The sort of a man who'd take advantage of this boy because he has a lot of money.

Skipper puts his arm around Gilligan and they exit.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. GILLIGAN'S ISLAND - ESTABLISHING SHOT - DAY

Ocean waves crash on the beach.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. CAMP - MORNING

Professor tends to the campfire. Gilligan kneels next to him.

PROFESSOR

Why, I would love to have seen the look on Howell's face when you won all that money from him last night.

GILLIGAN

So would I, but it was too dark.

Gilligan rises, puts his hand on Professor's shoulder. He nearly stumbles.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

Watch the fire. It's hot.

PROFESSOR

Thanks, Gilligan.

Gilligan walks past the community dining table. Ginger sits and holds a small scarf.

GINGER

Gilligan, come over here. Sit down right next to me.

Mary Ann quickly sits down.

MARY ANN

And me. Oh, Gee, Gilligan, I'm so proud of you. You know what I'm going to do? Fix anything you like for breakfast.

GINGER

And I'll fix anything you like for lunch.

GILLIGAN

How come everybody's being so nice to me?

GINGER

Because you're so sweet --

MARY ANN

Uh-huh.

GINGER

-- and tall --

MARY ANN

Yes.

GINGER

-- and handsome.

MARY ANN

I'll say.

GINGER

There are lots of reasons.

Skipper appears and disrupts their flattering of Gilligan.

SKIPPER

Yes, about three million of them. Come on, little buddy.

Gilligan rises.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

I think we'd better have a little talk.

Skipper moves away from the dining table.

GILLIGAN

Okay, Skipper.

Gilligan looks at the girls and begins to sit back down.

SKIPPER

Gilligan!

Gilligan stands and exits.

INT. BOYS HUT - MORNING

Skipper waits inside as Gilligan enters.

GILLIGAN

Did I do something wrong, Skipper?

SKIPPER

Of course not. Sit down.

Skipper motions to a chair.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Here, take my chair.

Gilligan sits on Skipper's chair.

GILLIGAN

What do you want to talk to me about, Skipper?

Skipper sits on a different chair.

SKIPPER

Gilligan, you've never had three million dollars before, have you?

Gilligan thinks for a moment.

GILLIGAN

No, sir, I haven't.

SKIPPER

I didn't think so. Let me tell you something. You're gonna find a big change in some of the people around here.

GILLIGAN

What do you mean?

Skipper rises from the chair.

SKIPPER

Well, take this morning, for example. Number one: the Professor never offered to build you a fire before, right?

GILLIGAN

Right.

SKIPPER

Number two: Mary Ann never offered to fix you a special breakfast before, right?

GILLIGAN

Right.

SKIPPER

Number three: Ginger never offered to fix you lunch before, right?

GILLIGAN

Right. What about number four?

SKIPPER

Four? Number four?

GILLIGAN

Yeah. I never sat in your chair before, right?

SKIPPER

Right.

(gently)

Believe me, it won't be the last time. Little buddy, anytime that you have a problem, I want you to come in this hut, sit in my chair, and tell your Skipper all about it.

GILLIGAN

Tell you all about what?

SKIPPER

Anything that you're worried about.

Gilligan stands up.

GILLIGAN

Skipper, I'm not worried about anything.

MR. HOWELL APPEARS AT THE WINDOW

Mr. Howell eavesdrops on their conversation.

SKIPPER (O.S.)

But that's impossible. Anyone with three million dollars--

(sotto)

Anyone with three million dollars has got to be worried about something.

GILLIGAN (O.S.)

Skipper, I don't have it yet. Mister Howell just owes it to me.

SKIPPER (O.S.)

Well, I wouldn't worry about that. I'm gonna go out right now and get you a check for three million dollars.

BACK TO SCENE

GILLIGAN

Oh, Skipper, you don't have to go to all that trouble.

SKIPPER

It's no trouble. That's what I'm here for--

(paternally)

son.

Gilligan is surprised at Skipper's endearing language.

GILLIGAN

"Son"?

SKIPPER

Gilligan, that's the way I've always felt about you. You've been like my own boy to me.

GILLIGAN

I have? Gosh, I didn't know that, Skipper.

SKIPPER

Skipper? Why don't you just call me "Dad?"

Skipper puts his hand on Gilligan's shoulder.

GILLIGAN

Okay, Skipper.

Skipper removes his hand from Gilligan's shoulder and gives him a whack.

SKIPPER

(angrily)

I told you to call me "Dad" and that's an order!

Gilligan salutes.

GILLIGAN

Yes, sir. "Dad."

Skipper laughs at himself.

SKIPPER

That's better.

Skipper pushes Gilligan back down onto the chair.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

And now I'll go out and find Mister Howell and get you your money. And, son, I don't want you to leave this hut.

GILLIGAN

But Mary Ann said she's gonna fix me breakfast.

SKIPPER

Your father will fix you breakfast when he gets back.

Skipper runs into the beam over the hut door.

GILLIGAN

Watch the beam -- Dad.

SKIPPER

Thanks a lot -- son.

Skipper exits.

EXT. CAMP - MORNING

Skipper exits the boys hut and walks across the camp clearing. Mr. Howell enters the boys hut. Mr. Howell carries a briefcase.

INT. BOYS HUT - MORNING

Mr. Howell, dressed in his finest southern gentleman attire, carries his briefcase. His jacket pocket contains several pens.

MR HOWELL

Ah, good morning, Gilligan. Is the uh -- is the Captain in?

Mr. Howell removes his hat and places it on one of the chairs.

GILLIGAN

No. He's out looking for you.

Mr. Howell sets the briefcase on a chair.

MR HOWELL

Oh, I'm sorry I missed him. I just stopped by to pay my debt to give you a check for the three million dollars that I --

Gilligan reaches for the check, but Mr. Howell pulls it out of reach. Gilligan falls on the ground.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

Olé. And it's made out.

Mr. Howell sits in the Skipper's chair.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

But first of all, you have to fill out an income tax form.

GILLIGAN

Income tax form?

Mr. Howell removes the income tax form from his pocket and places it on the table. The form is multiple pages and looks quite imposing.

MR HOWELL

Yes, I didn't know what your salary was and I was afraid that three million dollars might kick you into a higher income bracket. You know what I mean?

GILLIGAN

What's this form to fill out?

MR HOWELL

Well, I'd be glad to help you. First you have to list all your dependents. Do you have a wife or children? Do you have a wife, children?

GILLIGAN

No, but I got a father about five minutes ago.

Mr. Howell opens up the income tax form, accordion style.

MR HOWELL

What is wrong with me? This is the wrong paper. This is the short form.

Gilligan grasps the income tax form.

GILLIGAN

There's a longer form?

Mr. Howell rises from Skipper's chair.

MR HOWELL

Yes, there's a much longer form. That's so you can put your money in your corporate structure.

Gilligan sits down in Skipper's chair.

GILLIGAN

I thought I'd just put it in my wallet.

Mr. Howell puts his briefcase on the table. It lands on Gilligan's hand and he exclaims in pain. Mr. Howell releases Gilligan's hand from under the briefcase and sits down next to him.

MR HOWELL

No. No, with three million dollars, my boy, you have got to get yourself a tax shelter.

Gilligan looks around.

GILLIGAN

What's the matter with this place?

MR HOWELL

Gilligan, I don't believe you know what this money could do to you.

GILLIGAN

So far it's gotten me breakfast, lunch, and the Skipper's chair.

MR HOWELL

You're terribly naive about financial matters. You don't want this money.

GILLIGAN

I don't?

MR HOWELL

No, you'd be much better off, instead of the three million dollars, if I gave you one of my corporations.

GILLIGAN

Oh, I couldn't ask you to do a thing like that, Mister Howell.

MR HOWELL

Believe me, we millionaires have to stick together. Why didn't you tell me you were in such bad shape?

GILLIGAN

I'm not in bad shape. I'm just a little tired. You kept me up pretty late last night.

Mr. Howell opens the briefcase. The deed for the Tehachapuku Oil and Mining Corporation sits on top of the other papers in the briefcase.

MR HOWELL

Oh, I just happen to have it. This is the corporation for you. "Tehachapuku Oil and Mining Corporation." My boy, do you know anything about oil?

GILLIGAN

No, but I worked in a gas station once.

MR HOWELL

It's the American way: from grease monkey to president of an oil company. Just goes to show what a man can do if he has a little drive.

GILLIGAN

He can do pretty good if he knows how to putt, too.

They laugh. Mr. Howell closes the briefcase and it captures Gilligan's hand. Gilligan exclaims in pain. Gilligan opens the briefcase with his other hand just far enough to remove his injured hand. The briefcase closes again. Gilligan rubs his fingers.

MR HOWELL

You oil men -- you have such a wonderful sense of humor. Now, if you just --

(acknowledging Gilligan's injury)

It smarts.

GILLIGAN

Yeah.

Mr. Howell places the deed on the closed briefcase and hands Gilligan a pen to sign it.

MR HOWELL

You just sign right here. There you are.

GILLIGAN

Do you think I really ought to do this, Mister Howell?

MR HOWELL

Believe me, it's the only solution. At least, the only one I can come up with.

Gilligan signs the deed.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

There you go.

GILLIGAN

That's all there is to it?

Mr. Howell takes the pen from Gilligan, moves to place it back into his pocket, but has a second thought.

MR HOWELL

That's all. Simple transfer of all--. You can have the pen.

Skipper enters the hut.

SKIPPER

I can't find that--

Skipper sees Mr. Howell in the hut with Gilligan.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Oh, here you are.

MR HOWELL

Yes, I just stopped by to settle my debt with Gilligan.

Gilligan smiles and nods.

SKIPPER

Fine, Mister Howell. I hope you'll accept my apology.

MR HOWELL

Apology? Apology for what?

SKIPPER

For all the things I said about you while I was looking for you.

Skipper elbow's Mr. Howell in the ribs.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

Well, I guess we better put Mister Howell's check in a safe place, eh, Gilligan.

MR HOWELL

Yes, I've already done that. It's right here in my pocket.

GILLIGAN

Mister Howell's saving me from getting stuck with three million dollars.

SKIPPER

What?

GILLIGAN

Instead of giving me money, he gave me an oil company.

SKIPPER

Why do you want an oil company?

GILLIGAN

Well, Mister Howell can explain it better than me.

SKIPPER

Yes, Howell. Start explaining.

Mr. Howell picks up his briefcase.

MR HOWELL

Well, you see, I -- uh -- settled the debt by giving Gilligan one of my oil companies.

GILLIGAN

Yeah.

Gilligan picks up the deed and reads it.

GILLIGAN (cont'd)

I'm president of the

(struggles with pronunciation)

Tehachapuku Oil and Mining Corporation.

Skipper takes the deed from Gilligan.

SKIPPER

"Tehachapuku Oil and Mining?" What is that?

MR HOWELL

Well, that's two hundred acres of land in Dust Bowl, Oklahoma.

SKIPPER

Dust Bowl? I never heard of it. What part of Oklahoma is that in?

MR HOWELL

Well, sometimes it's north, and sometimes it's south. It depends upon which way the wind is blowing.

SKIPPER

In other words, Gilligan here is the proud owner of a worthless oil company.

MR HOWELL

What do you mean "worthless"? I got three million dollars for it. Ha!

Mr. Howell exits.

GILLIGAN

I guess I didn't do such a smart thing, huh?

SKIPPER

I'm afraid not.

Skipper throws the deed down onto the table.

GILLIGAN

Well, what's our next move?

SKIPPER

(angrily)

Your next move is to get out of my chair, Gilligan.

Gilligan stands up.

GILLIGAN

Okay, Dad.

SKIPPER

"Skipper," Gilligan, "Skipper."

Skipper sits down in his chair. Gilligan hands Mr. Howell's pen to Skipper.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. GILLIGAN'S ISLAND - ESTABLISHING SHOT - DAY

FOUR TALL PALM TREES

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. CAMP - LATE MORNING

The castaways sit at the dining table, except for Gilligan, who sits on a small stool and stirs the content of a deep pan on the campfire. A small supply of firewood lies next to the campfire. Mary Ann faces away from the table. The castaway's radio lies quietly.

SKIPPER

Gilligan, hurry up with that coffee.

GILLIGAN

Coming right up, Skipper.

MR HOWELL

Pass me those mango preserves, will you, Lovey my dear?

Mrs. Howell passes a small container with bits of mango and sets it down on the table in front of Mr. Howell. Mr. Howell takes the container and removes pieces of mango.

MRS HOWELL

They're full of vitamins, darling.

MR HOWELL

Thank you.

Mary Ann turns around to address Mr. Howell.

MARY ANN

Really, Mister Howell, I think you big businessmen are terrible. How can you eat a thing after what you've done to poor Gilligan?

Mary Ann turns her back on Mr. Howell.

MR HOWELL

The lion always gorges itself after the kill. It's the nature of the beast.

Mr. Howell picks up a piece of fruit and bites into it as if it were raw meat and he were a lion.

SKIPPER

I still say it was a dirty trick. Kid wakes up this morning, he's a millionaire. Look at him now, he's waiting on table.

GINGER

Yes, you really ought to be ashamed of yourself.

MR HOWELL

Well, don't blame me. I can't help it if the kid squandered his fortune on bad investments.

PROFESSOR

Yes, but you're the one that sold it to him.

MR HOWELL

I'm not known as the "Wizard of Wall Street" for nothing.

MRS HOWELL

Nobody gets the better of Thurston in a business deal. When it comes to making money, he seems to have a green thumb.

SKIPPER

All right, Mister Howell. If you're such a wheeler-dealer, how come you bought that phony oil property?

MR HOWELL

I didn't buy it. It was a wedding gift from Lovey's father.

MRS HOWELL

Thurston, you know how embarrassed Daddy was when he found out what "Dust Bowl, Oklahoma" really was. He thought he'd given us a football stadium.

MR HOWELL

Laughed at the wedding. Oh my, I almost forgot. It's time for the ten o'clock Wall Street news.

Mr. Howell turns on the radio.

RADIO ANNOUNCER (V.O.)

-- and Industrials are up one point two over yesterday's close. Now for the big news on Wall Street today. Thurston Howell has done it again.

MR HOWELL

Well, good for him. Wait a minute, that's me. What have I done?

RADIO ANNOUNCER (V.O.)

A huge oil strike has been reported on the Howell holdings in Dust Bowl, Oklahoma. Reports from the scene indicate this could be the richest oil field ever found in the state. However, as black gold gushes into the Oklahoma sky, everyone is asking the same question: Where is the man who owns the fabulous Tehachapuku 0il and Mining Company?

Mr. Howell turns off the radio.

SKIPPER

I'll tell you where he is. He's right here, having a nice breakfast with his dad. Move over and make a little room for my boy, Howell.

Skipper lifts one end of the bench Mr. Howell and Mrs. Howell sit on. Mr. Howell slides off onto the ground. The other castaways gather around Gilligan to show him support.

FADE OUT.

END OF ACT ONE

ACT TWO

FADE IN:

EXT. GILLIGAN'S ISLAND - ESTABLISHING SHOT - DAY

Waves crash on the empty beach. The sky is partly cloudy.

INT. BOYS HUT - DAY

Skipper enters holding a bamboo shovel. He sets it down near the Window. Gilligan sits at the desk, writing on a piece of paper.

SKIPPER

Hello, son.

Gilligan hides the piece of paper on which he'd been writing.

GILLIGAN

Hi, Skipper.

Skipper set down the shovel near the door.

SKIPPER

(gently scolding)

Uh-uh-ah.

GILLIGAN

I mean, hi, Dad.

SKIPPER

And what's my boy doing there?

GILLIGAN

Well, it's sort of a surprise.

SKIPPER

What kind of surprise?

GILLIGAN

Well, everybody's been so nice to me, I thought I'd take some of my money and buy them a present.

SKIPPER

That's very nice of you, Gilligan.

Skipper walks over to a shelving unit with their island toiletries. He removes his cap and places it on one of the shelving unit's posts. Skipper splashes water from a basin onto his face.

GILLIGAN

Yeah, well, the Professor likes to experiment with stuff, so I thought I'd get him a science laboratory.

Skipper, startled at Gilligan's pronouncement, hits his head on the upper shelf.

SKIPPER

Science laboratory?

Gilligan stands up and walks over to Skipper.

GILLIGAN

Yeah. I wanted to buy him a tie, but I don't know if he wears one. And I want to get Mary Ann the biggest farm in Kansas.

SKIPPER

Now hold it, Gilligan. Those are pretty expensive gifts.

GILLIGAN

What good is having money if you can't do something nice for friends?

Gilligan sits back down.

SKIPPER

But you don't have to spend a fortune doing it. Real friends don't care. It's not the gift that counts, it's the thought. By the way, had you thought about what you're going to get me?

GILLIGAN

Sure have. You get the best present of them all.

SKIPPER

Gilligan, I don't want you to spend a lot of money on me.

GILLIGAN

You don't?

SKIPPER

No, sir.

Gilligan turns his pencil around and begins erasing words on the page. Skipper reaches to stop him.

SKIPPER (cont'd)

But of course, if you've already gotten it, I wouldn't want to take it back. What did you get me?

GILLIGAN

I can't tell. It's kind of a surprise.

SKIPPER

Aw, come on, Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

Nope.

SKIPPER

Not even a little hint?

(angrily)

Gilligan, what did you get me?

GILLIGAN

A boat.

SKIPPER

A boat?

GILLIGAN

A boat.

SKIPPER

You shouldn't have.

GILLIGAN

Well, I haven't yet.

SKIPPER

But you're gonna.

GILLIGAN

You bet I am.

Gilligan stands up.

SKIPPER

What kind of a boat are you gonna get me?

GILLIGAN

I don't know, Skipper. How about one like the old Minnow?

SKIPPER

(angrily)

What would I want with an old tub like that?

GILLIGAN

You can have any boat you want. I'm gonna get you lots of other presents, too.

SKIPPER

Gilligan, I don't know what to say. I better get out before I start bawling like a baby.

Skipper walks over the shelving unit, picks up his cap and puts it on.

GILLIGAN

Are you all right, Skipper?

SKIPPER

It's just that I'm just a little choked up.

GILLIGAN

Maybe I better go with you, huh?

SKIPPER

No, you stay right here and finish that list. Oh, and another thing, Gilligan. I don't want those other vultures coming in here and taking advantage of you. So keep this door locked.

GILLIGAN

We don't have a lock.

SKIPPER

That's right. Don't let anybody in this hut, understand?

GILLIGAN

Yes, sir.

SKIPPER

And that's an order.

GILLIGAN

Aye, aye, Skipper.

Gilligan salutes. Skipper salutes in return.

SKIPPER

Son.

Skipper pats Gilligan on the back. Skipper exits. Gilligan turns around and walks over the shelving unit.

GILLIGAN

I think I'll buy Mary Ann the whole state of Kansas.

Ginger enters without Gilligan seeing her. Gilligan writes on his paper using a shelf as a writing surface. Then he walks back toward the door tapping the paper with his pencil. Gilligan clumsily drops the pencil. It lands near Ginger's feet.

GINGER

(sultry)

Anybody home, Gilligan?

Gilligan looks Ginger up and down. He notices her dress says "S.S. Minnow" across her thigh.

GILLIGAN

"S. S. Minnow."

Gilligan laughs uncomfortably.

GINGER

What's the matter?

GILLIGAN

New dress?

GINGER

Like it? I made it out of your duffel bag. I-- I hope you don't mind.

GILLIGAN

No, my duffel never looked so good. Skipper said nobody could come in here while he was gone.

GINGER

Oh, well, I-- I just wanted to talk to you.

GILLIGAN

Oh, let's go out there, huh?

GINGER

Okay.

EXT. CAMP - DAY

Gilligan and Ginger emerge from the hut.

GINGER

I know how busy you are with your oil wells and everything, but I just wanted to tell you how proud I am of you.

Ginger places her scarf around Gilligan's neck.

GILLIGAN

Oh, I'm not busy.

GINGER

I think it's absolutely thrilling the way you outsmarted Mister Howell.

Ginger pulls Gilligan through a circle.

GILLIGAN

Oh-oh. It-- It was?

GINGER

Yes. I never dreamed you were so clever.

GILLIGAN

Neither did I. What did I do?

Gilligan sits on the edge of the bathtub.

GINGER

Don't be so modest. Everyone knows that that land wasn't worth a cent until you took it over. You're a very remarkable man, Gilligan.

GILLIGAN

Yeah?

GINGER

Yeah.

Gilligan falls into the bathtub. Ginger is startled, but kneels next to the tub.

GINGER (cont'd)

I think your life story would make a wonderful movie for some studio.

GILLIGAN

What studio would make a movie about me?

GINGER

Well, any studio you owned.

Gilligan smiles.

GINGER (cont'd)

And you know what?

GILLIGAN

What?

Ginger moves in, suggesting that she might kiss Gilligan.

GINGER

I'd just love to star in it.

GILLIGAN

But you don't look a thing like me.

GINGER

No, silly. We'd get Rock Hudson to play you. I'd play your wife.

Ginger kisses her finger and moves to press it to Gilligan's lips. Gilligan submerges in the bathtub to escape the proxy kiss. Ginger rises and backs away. Gilligan rises from the bathtub. Soaking wet, Gilligan walks over to Ginger.

GILLIGAN

But I'm not even married.

GINGER

Well, you would be, if you looked like Rock Hudson.

Ginger takes Gilligan's arm and walks toward the jungle. Mr. Howell enters from the jungle and intercepts them.

MR HOWELL

Ah, There you are, Gilligan. Please forgive me a moment, will you, Ginger?

(pushes Ginger away)

I just want to steal a little of Gilligan's time.

Mr. Howell grasps Gilligan's arm and they exit into the jungle. Skipper enters from the jungle, with Gilligan in one arm and Mr. Howell in the other.

SKIPPER

I know what you want to steal, Howell, and you're not going to get away with it.

MR HOWELL

Well, I was merely inviting Gilligan to dinner.

SKIPPER

Oh, well, fine. We'd be glad to come.

MR HOWELL

You'll be there, too?

SKIPPER

I think I'd better be.

MR HOWELL

Fine, fine. Glad you can come. I thought you were standing watch duty tonight.

Skipper moves Gilligan into the hut and closes the door. Gilligan looks out as if he's been given a jail sentence.

SKIPPER

Oh, I am, Mister Howell. In fact, I'm going to stand guard duty until I can get Gilligan off this island.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. GILLIGAN'S ISLAND - ESTABLISHING SHOT - SUNSET

The sun is low in the sky, just above the horizon.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. HOWELLS HUT - NIGHT

The Howells have decorated their hut for their guests. A table covered with a tablecloth dominates the room. Mrs. Howell wears a fine dinner dress. Skipper's and Gilligan's hair is neatly combed. Skipper wears a lightweight spring jacket. Both of them show good manners by having removed their hats. Mr. Howell is dressed in a while tuxedo.

MRS HOWELL

It's so nice that you could come. We're delighted to have you. I'll have dinner ready in a few minutes. I'm just finishing the bananas.

MR HOWELL

All right, Lovey, my dear. Take all the time that you want.

Skipper and Gilligan put their hats on.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

Oh, oh, Gilligan, would you take a chair, please?

Mr. Howell points Gilligan to a chair. Mr. Howell walks to the other side of the hut and shows a small stool for Skipper to sit on.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

And, Captain, how's this chair for a man of your rather, shall we say --

Skipper sits on the chair beside Gilligan.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

Are you both comfortable in that chair?

SKIPPER

No, but we're safe.

MR HOWELL

Say, that was some news we heard this afternoon on the radio, wasn't it?

SKIPPER

Sure was.

Mr. Howell leans on the table.

MR HOWELL

Well, Gilligan, my boy, how does it feel to be in the oil business?

GILLIGAN

Well --

Gilligan falls off the chair onto the floor. Skipper grabs at him to steady him.

SKIPPER

How does it feel to be out of the oil business, Mister Howell?

MR HOWELL

I must say, the joke is on me. Missus Howell and I laughed all afternoon.

Skipper laughs.

SKIPPER

I'll bet.

MR HOWELL

How much?

SKIPPER

Purely a figure of speech.

MR HOWELL

No. Surely you're a man of the world, Captain. You see nothing wrong with, shall we say, a game of chance?

SKIPPER

It all depends on what the game is.

MR HOWELL

What kind would you like? Cards?

Mr. Howell spreads a deck of cards on the tablecloth.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

Dice?

Mr. Howell tosses a pair of dice onto the table.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

Roulette?

Mr. Howell reaches beneath the table and pulls out a bamboo roulette spinner. He gives the spinner a partial spin.

SKIPPER

Not interested, Mister Howell. There's only one game that I ever gamble on, and that's pool.

MR HOWELL

Pool?

Mr. Howell walks to the end of the table.

SKIPPER

Now, were you to have a pool table, I might be interested in placing a bet with you.

Mr. Howell pulls the tablecloth off the table to reveal a pool table, complete with rack, cues, and balls. Skipper and Gilligan jump to their feet, their mouths open in astonishment that Mr. Howell has a pool table. They glance at each other and close their mouths. Mr. Howell chalks his pool cue.

MR HOWELL

Shall we lag for break?

FLIP TO:

INT. HOWELLS HUT - NIGHT

MR HOWELL

Nine in that pocket, ten over here, and the eleven the hard way, in there. Let's see. I'll do it banking it off -- off the --

Mr. Howell makes his shot. On the backstroke, Mr. Howell hits Skipper in the belly with the pool cue.

SERIES OF SHOTS

SEVEN BALLS FALL IN THEIR POCKETS

Gilligan claps.

SKIPPER

(irritated)

Gilligan.

A cord strung behind Mr. Howell has pearls and clothespins with numbers for indicating the score. Mr. Howell uses his pool cue to adjust the score accordingly.

POOL CUE

moving scoring pearls.

FLIP TO:

INT. HOWELLS HUT - NIGHT

Mr. Howell lines up his shot. Skipper watches and waits for his turn.

MR HOWELL

The eleven in the far pocket, the two over there, the three up there -- and the seven in the pocket right here.

Mr. Howell shoots.

SERIES OF SHOTS

MANY BALLS

fall in pockets. Mr. Howell, impressed with himself, spins his pool cue around the short axis.

FLIP TO:

INT. HOWELLS HUT - NIGHT

Mr. Howell adjusts the score again.

FLIP TO:

INT. HOWELLS HUT - NIGHT

Mr. Howell calls his shot.

MR HOWELL

Thirteen and ten in this pocket, the two in the side pocket, the nine and fourteen up here, respectively, the eight in that pocket, the eleven in there and the little four ball down here in a -- what I call a difficult, but delightful, shot.

Mr. Howell shoots.

SERIES OF SHOTS

MANY BALLS GO IN THE POCKETS

CLOSEUP - SKIPPER

Skipper watches the balls fall in with miraculous ease.

CLOSEUP - GILLIGAN

Gilligan watches the balls fall in amazement.

SERIES OF SHOTS

EVEN MORE BALLS GO IN THE POCKETS

MEDIUM - SKIPPER AND GILLIGAN

MORE BALLS FALL IN THE POCKETS

BACK TO SCENE

ONE FINAL BALL FALLS IN A CORNER POCKET

Mr. Howell smiles victoriously. Skipper and Gilligan show fatigue.

FLIP TO:

INT. HOWELLS HUT - MORNING

Mr. Howell lines up his shot. Skipper wipes his brow and looks exhausted. Mrs. Howell stands at the door.

MRS HOWELL

Thurston, when are you men going to eat?

SKIPPER

Just one more game, Mrs. Howell?

MRS HOWELL

But your breakfast is getting stone cold.

Mr. Howell shoots and the ball falls in a pocket. Skipper runs up to Mr. Howell. Mr. Howell victoriously places his cue on the table.

SKIPPER

Rack them up again, Howell.

MR HOWELL

Why don't we settle up before we start another game?

SKIPPER

Settle up? What for?

MR HOWELL

You owe me quite a lot.

SKIPPER

I beg your pardon. Do I look like the type of man who'd run out on a twelve million dollar bet?

MR HOWELL

As a matter of fact, you do. However, if Gilligan will just sign this -- uh, this note --

Mr. Howell removes a piece of paper from his coat pocket along with a pen.

SKIPPER

What kind of note?

MR HOWELL

Well, it's a -- it's a note. You just sign right there at the bottom, Gilligan, my boy.

Gilligan reads the note aloud.

GILLIGAN

"I owe you twelve million dollars, payable on demand."

MR HOWELL

Just sign at the bottom.

Skipper offers his back as a writing surface for Gilligan to sign the note.

SKIPPER

Don't worry, Gilligan. I'll win it back for you the first chance I get to shoot.

GILLIGAN

I know you will, Skipper.

Gilligan signs the note and hands them to Mr. Howell.

MR HOWELL

Keep the pen.

SKIPPER

Rack them up again, Howell.

(sotto, to Gilligan)

I think his luck is just about to change.

MR HOWELL

It already has. I want my twelve million now.

SKIPPER

Now? Well, he just signed a note for you.

MR HOWELL

The note says "payable on demand," and I demand payment.

SKIPPER

But I don't have that much money.

MR HOWELL

Well, certainly you have something worth twelve million dollars: watch, cufflinks --

(beat)

-- oil company?

GILLIGAN

Oh yeah, I forgot. My oil company.

Gilligan removes the deed to the oil company from his back pocket. Mr. Howell grabs the deed to the oil company right out from Gilligan's hands.

MR HOWELL

No, no, no. It's my oil company!

Mr. Howell laughs.

MR HOWELL (cont'd)

The wizard of Wall Street strikes again.

Mr. Howell exits as Gilligan and Skipper watch him leave.

FADE OUT.

END OF ACT TWO

TAG

FADE IN:

EXT. GILLIGAN'S ISLAND - ESTABLISHING SHOT - DAY

PALM TREES AND OCEAN BEACH

EXT. CAMP - NOON

The castaways enjoy lunch. The small square table holds the foods.

PROFESSOR

Hello, Skipper. I hear you had dinner with the Howells last night.

The Professor sits down on a stump and enjoys a beverage in a coconut cup.

MR HOWELL

Yes, a catered chuck-wagon affair: all you could eat for twelve million dollars.

GILLIGAN

All you could eat for twelve million dollars. That's a pretty funny one, isn't it, Skipper?

Skipper laughs and forces Gilligan to sit down in his chair.

SKIPPER

Sit down, Gilligan.

Professor gets up and walks to the table with lunch. Mr. Howell checks his watch.

MR HOWELL

Oh, goodness. It's time for the twelve o'clock stock market report.

Mr. Howell, still looking at his watch, bumps into Professor on his way to the radio, causes the Professor to spill his drink. Mr. Howell sits on the dining table and turns on the radio.

RADIO ANNOUNCER (V.O.)

-- and Rails held steady at the close. Of course, the Street is still talking about the latest news out of Dust Bowl, Oklahoma.

MR HOWELL

What news?

RADIO ANNOUNCER (V.O.)

Further investigation by the Howell Corporation has revealed the true source of the gusher. Their drill had punctured the tank of an oil truck which had been buried during one of the frequent dust storms in that area. Tehachapuku Oil and Mining stock is worthless. Meanwhile, the search continues for the owner of this desolate wasteland. Once again we ask, where is Thurston Howell?

SKIPPER

I'll tell you where he is. He's right down there.

Mr. Howell lies unconscious on the ground, clutching the radio. The castaways get up to see Mr. Howell. Mrs. Howell tends to her husband.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. GILLIGAN'S ISLAND - ESTABLISHING SHOT - DAY

FADE OUT.

THE END